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Non vaccinated around new born


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#1 Kickingitcountry

Posted 20 January 2013 - 01:45 PM

I'm pregnant with my 1 st and I'm a pro vac. I have a friend who dosnt vaccinate her kids. She wants to come visit soon after the baby is born. When I declined she got very up set and called me all sorts of names ect

I was shocked she knows I'm pro vac and got upset that I felt that until my child was at least partially vaccinated I didn't want her non vaccinated children around my vulnerable new born baby why I know that my child will encounter non vaccinated people throught their lives but I just cant bring myself to knowingly put my new born into that situation.
Wdyt am I over reacting? unsure.gif

*this was posted in in a another thread

--------------------
Me:27
DH: 27
DS due: 9/3/13

#2 elizabethany

Posted 20 January 2013 - 01:49 PM

you have the right to choose who visits your newborn.  And she has the right to feel the repercussions of her choices.

Stick to your guns and goodluck.

#3 Jaffacakes

Posted 20 January 2013 - 01:50 PM

Nope not overreacting at all

Is the mother vaccinated? Could she visit alone?

#4 Super Cat

Posted 20 January 2013 - 01:50 PM

You're not over reacting and your friend is a selfish prat. If she wants to endanger her own children that's bad enough, but to get all sh*tty because you won't let her near your newborn is just about as selfish as you can get.

Stick to your guns.



#5 Satay Chicken

Posted 20 January 2013 - 01:53 PM

QUOTE (Kickingitcountry @ 20/01/2013, 02:45 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Wdyt am I over reacting? unsure.gif


No way!!!!! I would be exactly the same....

#6 Chazee

Posted 20 January 2013 - 02:01 PM

That's fair enough OP.

Are you checking to make sure all adults that visited are vaccinated also? Whooping cough especially.

#7 epl0822

Posted 20 January 2013 - 02:02 PM

I think it's poor taste to insist on visiting newborns/new mum in general. If the new parents WANT you to visit, great...but if they don't want any company because they're tired/you're not vaccinated/you voted Labour/they don't like you in general/etc - why have a tantrum? (Did she seriously call you names...? I mean how old is she?)

My DS spent some time in special care nursery and even the parents had to scrub their hands and arms up to elbows THOROUGHLY before they were allowed to even go near the babies. Parents have a right to choose who gets to hang around their newborn baby.

You probably shouldn't invite her to see you at all, not because she's a non-vaccinator, but because she's a moron.

#8 Agnodice the Feral

Posted 20 January 2013 - 02:02 PM

I would no longer call such a friend a friend.

#9 Red nut

Posted 20 January 2013 - 02:02 PM

She's made her choice, and if she wants you to respect that, she needs to respect your choice. Put your fragile newborn at risk of dying from a preventable illness, or put her nose out of joint? No contest.

#10 NunSoFeral

Posted 20 January 2013 - 02:17 PM

No - not overreacting.
She called you names?
Wipe her like a dirty bum.

#11 WinterIsComing

Posted 20 January 2013 - 02:24 PM

OP, you are absolutely justified in selecting who can visit your vulerable newborn with underdeveloped immune system. Whooping cough vaccinations are not given at birth because immune system isn't mature enough to benefit from them, yet. Kids are a common source of illnesses, and non vaxxed ones would be even more likely to be so.

Secondly, why do you put up with a friend calling you all sorts of names? If a friend called me names for any reasons, she wouldn't be my friend anymore....

#12 tenar

Posted 20 January 2013 - 02:31 PM


You are being perfectly reasonable.  

I would be having a serious think about whether this friendship is of any value to you at all, given the likelihood of ongoing conflict over this issue.

#13 LynnyP

Posted 20 January 2013 - 02:34 PM

The consequences of her choosing not to vaccinate are that she cannot visit the vulnerable.

The consequences of her calling you names are that she loses your friendship.

#14 Kickingitcountry

Posted 20 January 2013 - 02:37 PM

QUOTE (Anlawich @ 20/01/2013, 12:01 PM)
15254311[/url]']
That's fair enough OP.

Are you checking to make sure all adults that visited are vaccinated also? Whooping cough especially.




Hmmm good point I have been considering this as well trying to figure out a way to ask with out offending.....




Also I live 3 hrs away from her so she can't really come without her kids. Not that I want her to now. I'm just really p*ssed off with her. I have never gotten into how much I really disprove of her choice but I figure we had been mates for so long that Since I gave her respect when it came to ideas on kids, she would do the same for me obviously I was wrong. I think this maybe the end of the friendship but if I have to choose between my child's health and her friendship well lets just there is no choice.
Btw she called me uniformed idiot and a stupid b**ch who was just mindlessly following what ever my doctor says because that's what society tells me to do, their not always right  ect



#15 LynnyP

Posted 20 January 2013 - 02:43 PM

Oh I would definitely bin her.  Nothing worse than the aggressively stupid.

#16 Jane Jetson

Posted 20 January 2013 - 02:45 PM

Honestly, I think I would end the friendship. Not over the anti-vaccination (provided she respected your wishes and kept her children away from your newborn) but over the name-calling, which was out of line and never acceptable.

#17 Monkey_Mind

Posted 20 January 2013 - 02:47 PM

OP you have to do what is right for you. She has the right not to vaccinate, you have the right to protect your child however you feel fit. The fact that she can't respect your decision when you can respect hers says a lot about her as a friend.

I'm expecting twins and have told my parents they need to get vaccinated for whopping cough before they see them. They weren't going to but now my brother is having a baby they will... Another story in itself :/

You can't prevent illness totally, but you can take measures to limit exposure to anything nasty. Your position is totally justified!

#18 ubermum

Posted 20 January 2013 - 02:49 PM

Friends respect their friends opinions and preferences even if they don't agree with them. They don't start calling them names. Tell her where to go.

#19 gasgirl

Posted 20 January 2013 - 02:57 PM

nope not overreacting. She has made an "informed" decision about vaccination and should be prepared to wear the consequences.
You are doing the right thing by your baby.
Email her a photo if she wants to see the bub.

#20 renee1979

Posted 20 January 2013 - 03:02 PM

I do agree that you are perfectly within your rights to only wish vaccinated people come into contact with your newborn.  My daughter was quite sick at 2 weeks, and while she was ok after a couple of weeks, if I have another I will be a lot more vigilant. Your friend sounds terribly narrow minded and rude, but you will probably come across many instances of this (although perhaps not so aggressively) as a parent. Welcome to the world of parenting!  There is always someone who doesn't agree with your parenting choices, and to whom you feel the need to justify your choices.  Sometimes it works best to be subtle about things though, for instance, instead of saying now that someone can't visit when the baby is born, wait until the time and just say you're tired/busy with other visitors etc.... and suggest a visit next week...people are a lot more understanding to vague reasons once a baby is born.  Even people who do understand can sometimes feel a little sad that you don't want them around during the special newborn days, so I tend to find that letting everyone down nicely protects everyone's feelings.  It shouldn't need to be as dramatic as choosing between a friendship or the health of your baby.  Good luck, try not to worry about this so much now, just ensure those close to you have the shots and once bub comes it will all come naturally.

#21 Sif

Posted 20 January 2013 - 03:10 PM

I absolutely do not condone her response to your concerns! She doesn't really sound like much of a friend to call you names.

That said, vaccinated people are not 'safe' for your newborn. Not unless they have had their immunity checked once vaccinated. A number of people do not receive immunity from vaccinations. As well as this, most adults simply do not bother with boosters. So, if you believe that your baby will be 'safe' so long as those who visit you while your baby is a newborn have been vaccinated at some stage, you are living with a false sense of security.

Vaccinated children can and do pass on illnesses. My older children caught Chickenpox from a vaccinated child who had not developed immunity through vaccination. Just keep this in mind.



#22 Guest_Sunnycat_*

Posted 20 January 2013 - 03:13 PM

Ditch the b**ch. She has no right to be so bloody rude to you.

I have friends who don't vaccinate and we respect each others choices.

I don't have a problem personally with the unvaccinated visiting my newborn however my next baby will be born in winter and I will be restricting visitors because I am worried about passing on a cold or flu etc to the newborn.

#23 Alina0210

Posted 20 January 2013 - 03:24 PM

Me personally say over reacting......

I know lots of people who don't vax and had no issues.... Id m
Be more worried about people not washing thier hands before holding the baby....

#24 Lolpigs

Posted 20 January 2013 - 03:25 PM

QUOTE (Sif @ 20/01/2013, 04:10 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I absolutely do not condone her response to your concerns! She doesn't really sound like much of a friend to call you names.

That said, vaccinated people are not 'safe' for your newborn. Not unless they have had their immunity checked once vaccinated. A number of people do not receive immunity from vaccinations. As well as this, most adults simply do not bother with boosters. So, if you believe that your baby will be 'safe' so long as those who visit you while your baby is a newborn have been vaccinated at some stage, you are living with a false sense of security.

Vaccinated children can and do pass on illnesses. My older children caught Chickenpox from a vaccinated child who had not developed immunity through vaccination. Just keep this in mind.


True, but completely un-vaccinated is far more risky.

Whooping cough is a biggy for a newborn. Noone in my family was able to visit without having it done and not one person complained except one uncle who I refused to come and visit my daughter. He also had a big tanty because he doesn't like needles but it isn't worth the risk. This caused similar friction in my family but I stuck to my guns.

I'm the kind of person that keeps a newborn home for the first few months also and away from large crowds etc to minimise exposure and get them to wash their hands with my newborn.

I wouldn't be keeping this person as a friend after the way she spoke to you. She is your child, and everyone needs to respect your decisions regarding her health, end of story.

Edited by Lolpigs, 20 January 2013 - 03:29 PM.


#25 Cyaira

Posted 20 January 2013 - 03:42 PM

I have a similar problem - some unvaccinated people in my family *expect* to come visit me and the baby in hospital (and kiss him, and cuddle him) and would be very, very offended if I said no due to their vaccination status.

I still haven't found an answer. sad.gif Just sympathising...




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