Jump to content

Alternatives to CIO
7 month old feeding to sleep


9 replies to this topic

#1 Elle232

Posted 19 January 2013 - 08:38 PM

Wondering if anyone can help me or has been in a similar situation. My 7 month old DD has always been fed to sleep. This never use to be a problem as it would take maybe 10-15 mins and she'd be out to it.    
However it now takes over an hour every night to get her to sleep. She will sometimes rock to sleep in her pram or rocker but even then will take at least half an hour of rocking. And once she starts crying, there's no stopping until I feed her. I mean like full on hysterical screaming until I feed her.
I have tried patting/cuddling/shushing to sleep and she will scream for an hour and a half. Even then she didn't go to sleep, I gave up and fed her and she was out like a light.
So how do I break the feed to sleep habit WITHOUT having to leave her to cry it out? I can't keep spending an hour feeding/fussing/feeding to get her to sleep every night!!
She is fully breast fed and will not take a dummy. I have tried various bedtimes which don't seem to help. (obviously she's much worse when she's overtired)
Definitely don't want to wean her, just need a break in the evening or even to the point where my husband could put her to sleep. TIA I'm at my wits end and all anyone will suggest is leaving her to cry.

ETA Once she's asleep she's a great sleeper, will only wake once for a feed around 4-5am.

Edited by Elle232, 19 January 2013 - 08:47 PM.


#2 axiomae

Posted 19 January 2013 - 09:14 PM

There are lots of different gentle techniques that you can use to help your LO get to sleep without feeding, but do be aware that your LO WILL cry. There will be no avoiding it. You don't have to leave her alone to cry, but there will be crying when you're trying to change habits. You can pat, shhh, camp out, rock etc, but it will be different from all she has ever known so it will be hard for her. It will take patience and love from you to assist her to self-settle, and a few rough nights in the process.

#3 tick

Posted 19 January 2013 - 09:20 PM

If it's taking that long to get her to sleep at night it might be time to re-jig her daytime hours a bit.  Perhaps drop the third nap if you haven't already, or space the naps out a little better so that she's not too overtired at the end of the day. It can take a few days to get used to a new routine, longer awake times etc, but I've found with both of my kids that it always helped with bedtime!  Then down the track when bedtime gets to be a pain again, drop another nap!  And so on.  If you can get her back to quick bedtimes then there may not be any need to change the way you get her to sleep .....

#4 Tesseract

Posted 19 January 2013 - 09:20 PM

The book called The No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley is designed specifically for this problem. As the title suggests, it's very anti-cry! It is a bit of work though, it's not a quick fix, but it is very gentle.

#5 niggles

Posted 19 January 2013 - 09:35 PM

From what you've described it sounds like she is unsettled because something is bothering her or she is not tired or overtired. I'm not sure the feeding to sleep is the problem, just that it's not really working as a solution at present? Does that sound right?

I started rocking my previously self settling baby at around that age. Sh-shing, walking and singing also helped but to tell you the truth for several months nothing worked consistently. I had to change things up regularly. He cut 4 teeth, learned to roll, learned to crawk, stand and now is learning to walk. All these things have interfered with his sleep in my opinion.

He won't feed to sleep (I have some complicated feeding issues) and now won't be rocked either. So this has been my alternative approach now I'm left with little other:

Sng him a song and lay him in his cot with his dummy, and his water bottle in the  corner (he's 1 and likes a drink of water after crying - it settles him).

If he stays laying down I sing and gently rub his back or pat his side.

If he plays, crawls and stands I sit nearby and ignore him.

If he stands and cries I reassue him with words and singing for a while.

If he becomes distressed I try to lay him down and repeat the process.

We've been dong this for 2 weeks. He's still unsettled - there's a lot going on in his world - and so it doesn't always work quickly and it doesn't always work without tears. But it works consistently, eventually and there are no mixed messages. He's in charge of his own sleep and I'm there to reassure him as much as I can...but there is nothing else I can do for him and since I know that, I know I'm doing the right thing by leaving him in his cot and not persevering with rocking and feeding that doesn't work  

That said, your baby is younger and may just need that extra reassurance. If a feed eventually works then I think I'd be happy to offer it. It's about being responsive to what you think your baby really needs - which is not always what baby wants but sometimes is. Good luck figuring it out for your baby. You'll get there.



#6 -clare-

Posted 20 January 2013 - 01:41 AM

I would try eventually breaking the association by getting yuur partner to create a new routine... We are doing this atm with success. I feed dd on couch, hubby takes and does book in her room, blow light out and he lies on her floor, saying night night if she cries, over five nights he is nearky out the door with no crying

#7 Elle232

Posted 20 January 2013 - 10:34 AM

Thanks for all the replies!

Will definitely have a look for the no cry sleep solution book. There are so many different books it's nice to know which ones are worth the read.

Funnily enough I have been playing around with her sleep and nap times as she was sleeping a lot in the day but not sleeping well at night. She's started having shorter sleeps and now sleeps better at night but it may take a bit of trial and error tp get the balance between not tired & overtired.

Even if feeding to sleep was working again, I'd really like to try and break the association. It would just be nice for someone else to be able to put her to bed.

Another question? If I persevere with not feeding to sleep, do I have to do it all the time? Ie stop feeding her to sleep at all? And if I do that how does it work with night feeds as she always falls asleep feeding in the night.

#8 mandala

Posted 20 January 2013 - 02:52 PM

DS didn't have a feed to sleep association, so my experience is probably not useful, but...

After DS started self-settling at night, he had about four months of 1, 2 or 3 night feeds at which he would usually fall asleep while feeding. He didn't develop a feed to sleep association from those four months.  We also had a couple of nights when DS was sick when he sucked constantly while dozing, and didn't have any problems once he recovered.  Even the sleep school we attended specifically said that you do whatever you have to do with a sick baby, and worry about it once they're better. If that means you feed, cuddle and rock all night, that's what you have to do original.gif

ETA: I think niggles has some good advice. Your baby is the only one who can fall asleep - your job is to provide her with a suitable environment to do so.

Edited by KRT, 20 January 2013 - 02:57 PM.


#9 axiomae

Posted 20 January 2013 - 07:58 PM

When I was breaking the association I made a routine for ALL sleep times. When she showed tired signs I would put her in the sleeping bag while telling her it was bedtime, then close the curtains, have a cuddle and sign twinkle twinkle, before telling her we loved her and put her into her cot. She would protest. I rocked the bassinet and then did body rocking after moving to a cot until she was asleep. When her grizzling was under 5 mins consistently I was happy to leave her to self-settle. Don't worry about the over night feeds - those are fine to feed back to sleep if they're for genuine nutrition - if its a sleep association problem (where they aren't hungry but can't resettle without a feed) its another story.

#10 AntiBourgeoisie

Posted 20 January 2013 - 08:41 PM

Some babies get inconsolably angry and upset with the Pantley method. Some babies seek comfort from the slot extract yourself from the room approach. Others just get angry that mum. is. right. there. but. not. giving. me. what. I. want.
I personally prefer the Dream Baby Guide by Sheyne Rowley for this reason (mainly because mine would not have taken to the Pantley approach. I also like this because because it is an all-round parenting book - she takes the approach that good sleep is not just about sleeping, it's about being well fed, well rested, well played, and generally feeling secure and happy - and she tells you how to accomplish all this. It's a great first time parent book that also teaches you how to put your baby to sleep (anywhere, anytime).
Both, though, are a bit dogmatic. It's an authors job to convince you that their technique works for everyone. It's probably not true, and you will find the little tricks that work for your particular little person.
Additionally, both will say 'never feed to sleep, never feed to resettle'. Personally, I think they are separate issues. Some babies will feed to sleep but not look for it in the night. Some will settle easily at bedtime but expect feeding at re wakings. Some just want comfort boob all night long.
If its only one feed in the night, and your baby learns to go to bed without, and only wakes for one feed, and you are happy with this - keep the feed to sleep during the night, but not bedtime. You CAN treat them as separate issues.



Reply to this topic



  


2 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 2 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Tell us what you think

to WIN 1 of 2 $500 Coles/Myer gift cards

Dealing with a toddler's morning tantrums

Your schedule is not important to your two-year-old, and you cannot convince her otherwise. So what can you do?

Child in suitcase 'could have died eight years ago'

A child whose remains were dumped in a suitcase in the South Australian bush is believed to have been a girl aged between two-and-a-half to four.

MP breastfeeds baby during parliamentary session

An Argentinian mum and politician has caused a stir on social media after being filmed breastfeeding her baby.

My baby's first seizure

It was 1am on a cold winter's night when I woke suddenly to the screams of my 12-month-old son. Our lives were about to change forever.

Portable pools 'more dangerous than permanent ones'

Inflatable and portable children's pools may be required to be sold with compulsory fencing to prevent backyard drownings, with some experts even floating the idea of a ban.

Heartbreaking moment mum kisses her one-week-old goodbye

At 11.07am on April 2 this year, Sarah Marriott welcomed baby Sebastian into the world.

The amazing Tee Pee bed and kid-friendly Frankie Bunk bed

These kids' beds definitely fit the brief of providing personality and personal space for little people who are moving up in the world.

The funny things kids say when you're pregnant

Since becoming noticeably pregnant, my son has taken more of an interest in the sibling he'll soon have.

The real problem with having one child

In this age of political correctness, it seems the one subject still subject to discrimination is that of the Only Child.

Six-week-old baby found dead, believed stabbed

A neighbour heard a child screaming before a baby was found dead, believed to have been stabbed, in a house in Newcastle.

The fire hazard in more than 70,000 Australian homes

So far, 206 Samsung washing machines have caught fire and some have exploded. But many remain in people's homes.

How having a baby can bring on OCD

We all know that having a baby can turn your life upside down - and it can also bring a raft of new anxieties and worries.

IVF gender selection being considered for Australian parents

Couples using IVF may be able to choose the gender of their babies and women could be financially compensated for donating their eggs.

The best age to get married (according to the latest study)

Not too young, and not too old. That's reportedly the best age to get married. Not everyone agrees.

Yes, you can get pregnant before your period returns post-baby

After giving birth, the last thing you want to think about is contraception. But you can get pregnant before your period comes back.

Fellow diner rewards mum after toddler's tantrum

Parents of toddlers everywhere know the feeling. After working up the courage to take your child out for lunch or dinner in public you are rewarded with a mid-meal meltdown. 

IKEA begins massive safety campaign after two toddler deaths

Two children were killed when pieces from their Malm furniture line tipped over.

Beaneasy: sweet nursery furniture with a twist

If you're looking to introduce an organic element into your baby's nursery but want to step away from natural timber, we have the perfect alternative.

A dad's guide to hyperemesis

I am in no way qualified to advise women on how to cope with hyperemesis, but I've learnt some lessons that might be worth sharing with other partners.

Woman adopts best friend's four daughters after cancer tragedy

Best friends share everything - and for these two life-long friends, that includes family.

Baby Leo's mum excluded from $500K trust 'for her own protection'

Samuel Forrest didn't want his wife as a trustee of their baby Leo's half million dollar trust for her own "protection", it has emerged.

Confirmed: men gain weight when they become dads

Men who become fathers experience weight gain and an increase in body mass index, a measurement of body fat based on height and weight, according to a new, large-scale study

Carer investigated over washing machine photo posted 'for a laugh'

She said the photo of a boy with Down syndrome in a washing machine was taken just for fun, but no one else was laughing.

Mum's premature labour nightmare after high tea salmonella outbreak

An opulent high tea at a luxury Melbourne hotel has left 44 people with salmonella poisoning - including a pregnant woman, who went into early labour.

The day my son started a fire

Would you know what to do in a fire emergency? How safe is your home and family?

Prince George celebrates second birthday

Prince George's second birthday has been marked by the release of an official picture showing the toddler smiling as he is held by his proud beaming father.

Which beauty treatments are safe in pregnancy?

Is it safe to use fake tan, hair dye and nail varnish during pregnancy?

The five ways I know my 'baby' is no longer a baby

The truth is, I can no longer deny that my walking, babbling, somewhat-independent little miss is no longer a bona fide 'baby'.

Review: Cybex Platinum PRIAM pram

I'm not usually one who believes in love at first sight but that's exactly what happened when I first saw the Cybex PRIAM.

Get your FREE Baby & Toddler Show ticket!

Get your free ticket to the Sydney Essential Baby & Toddler Show for September 25-27 - register online now.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Tell us what you think

to WIN 1 of 2 $500 Coles/Myer gift cards

Why I'm choosing to be a single mother right from the start

I believe that you get out of families what you put into them, and I will give mine my all.

Mother and baby units are a necessity for mental health, not a luxury

I have had two postnatal psychotic episodes. The first when my eldest child was six weeks old, and another after my second child was born.

30 French baby names

French names are always in fashion, but a few have risen in popularity in recent years.

New mum's Spanish maternity nightmare

A British woman who gave birth in Spain has told of her ordeal after spending weeks trying to convince medics the baby girl was hers.

Preparing Rover to be a good dog with baby

Some friends of ours say that it's dangerous to have a dog around a newborn and that we should start looking for a new home for him. Is it?

Company offers to ship working mums' breast milk home

First Apple and Facebook announced they would pay $20,000 towards the cost of their female employees freezing their eggs, now IBM in the US has come up with an innovative new policy aimed at retaining female employees.

Prince William speaks of his pride at wife Kate and 'little joy of heaven' Charlotte

The Duke of Cambridge opened up about family life and his plans for the future in an interview to mark his first day as an air ambulance pilot.

'Glowing' eye saves baby Mason's life

A simple photo taken in front of an evening fire gave new mother Sarah Bowers the power to save her baby's life. 

Parenting and decision overload

Of all the advice people told me before having a baby, no one warned me about the amount of decisions involved.

Proof that toddlers can't be left unsupervised - ever

Parents of toddlers all know the moment when realise your child is being suspiciously quiet. It can only mean one thing - trouble!

Meet Jeremy Ryan, The Voice contestant with seven kids

If you have trouble recalling the ages of Jeremy Ryan's seven children on The Voice, you're not alone. So does he.

Baby's adorable reaction to wearing glasses for the first time

Getting glasses can be a formative moment in a person's life.

Police officer buys supplies for family after mum of six caught shoplifting

When a mum of six was caught shoplifting nappies, clothes and shoes for her kids, the last thing she expected was for a stranger to pay for her haul.

Why pregnant women on antidepressants shouldn’t panic about birth defect claims

The risk of having uncontrolled depression is far greater than the small increased risk of birth defects that may be associated with specific antidepressants.

Arrests made over children's birthday party brawl

Police have raided properties and arrested a number of people over a brawl at a child's birthday party at a play centre in Sydney's west.

Family shares awesome drone baby announcement

Looking for a creative way to share some big news? Look to the skies, like this family did.

Young warrior Owen defies doctors' predictions

Little Owen DiCandilo's name means "young warrior", and it's a description that perfectly fits the inspiring 18-month-old

Advice for dads: when to approach your wife for sex

The exhaustion that comes with caring for young children often means romance between parents becomes a thing of the past.

I might be fat, but I don't need saving

I've been fat for pretty much most of life, besides a few crazy moments of being less-fat, but for the most part I've existed on this earth with a little more meat on my bones than desirable.

The rookie mistakes we make as parents

Since the dawn of civilisation, generation after generation of new parents have had to rely on instinct, trial and error - and sometimes get it wrong.

 

FREE TICKET

See Pinky McKay live in Sydney

Get your free ticket to The Essential Baby & Toddler Show and save $20 - register online now!

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.