Should we have a third child?
Really would like to, but cant really afford to..
, Jan 19 2013 02:08 PM
37 replies to this topic
Posted 21 January 2013 - 12:02 AM
I say go for it.
No amount of financial security can replace the magic of your own children, especially if that urge to expand your family is strong. You'd hate to look back and regret not having another. If you want the third badly enough, you'll find a way to make the money to provide for your needs.
Editted to add we will be going for no 3 within a year, despite being on a tight budget and just buying a more expensive house and starting a full reno on it... Some things aren't just about money...
agreed. I'd rather have to live frugally with x kids, than always feel that my family wasn't compete
Posted 21 January 2013 - 12:18 AM
One thing that plays on my mind is what if any subsequent children had additional needs. could I afford the OT speech therapy etc they may need. I know people in this situation and for some the public system just doesnt offet enough and the waiting lists can be phenomenal. For me if mobey wss so tight I would be ubsble to afford therapies if needed I would chiosr not to have another chikd.
'What if' one of the children already here develops health/ learning issues or injury? Anything can happen any time, including having a child with no issues. For me, that reasoning wouldn't come onto the decision.
Op we just had our third and he is the most awesome baby, I'd love another one. I love how different and similar he is to the other two.
Could you work when your Dh is home ? Ie nights or weekends at the cafe? Maybe a day or two a week of looking after a friends child then getting her to take yours for a day or two while you work? Can you get back into the public service now and go part time after maternity leave? Retrain while you are pregnant? Can you start stashing away some money now for maternity leave needs?
Posted 21 January 2013 - 09:54 PM
Thankyou for all of the replies ladies, Im still in two minds although since reading the "go for it" replies and positive feedback, I still cannot decide..although I will have to decide quickly as I turn 40 this year and really hope to get back into a government job from October 2014..
Not sure how I would cope with being pregnant and working on my feet for 30 to 35 hrs a week in a cafe! At least with my last two I was working in a admin job with the governement so not so hard on the body!
Will keep you all up to date with our decision...
Posted 21 January 2013 - 10:07 PM
we recently had number 3.
she is the most magical thing that has ever happened to me
I think if its something you are agonising over so much, you know where your heart lies on the decision!!!
i'd desperately love a 4th, but my husband has firmly said no.
they do add extra costs, but the love they add is overwhelming.
don't listen to me though, I'm still living in baby bliss land!
Posted 22 January 2013 - 09:42 PM
I'll be watching this thread very closely. I'm almost 37 and DH has been pushing for a 3rd child for about 18 months now.
I'm just so unsure, my main concern is money. I've been back at work 9 months, only 10 hours a week but the extra money is great.
If I was to have a third there would be just over 5 years in age gap between the new baby and my DD2 which worries me a bit too.
Posted 23 January 2013 - 12:15 PM
We won't be having a 3rd due to finances. We both like some luxuries in life and love to travel, even if just interstate or to Bali etc. Plus my husband gets incredibly stressed about money and it would not be worth straining our relationship over. He also wants to retire as early as possible whereas I'm happy to work part time for a long while yet, so we need to look to the future and get the mortgage paid down.
I've made my peace with it now
although when ds was really young I felt differently. I think sometimes its just hormones!
Posted 23 January 2013 - 12:21 PM
I have two and couldn't think of anything worse than having another
Posted 23 January 2013 - 12:25 PM
Our 3rd turned out to be the most magical thing in our family. We are a really close family anyway but there is just something about her that pulls people in. I am now pg with no4 and we are going through some financial stresses but we are finding ways around it all. Money isn't everything, as long as bills are paid and food is on the table.
Go for it! You will only regret it.
Posted 25 January 2013 - 04:47 AM
I am wondering the same but my issues are step children (so too many kids for DH) and fertility issues. You already have a boy and a girl so it won't be a huge cost in clothes, toys or baby stuff because you already have it all. You can do babies/small children cheaply, there are some great free activities around. I figure by the time they are old enough to get expensive, like $200 a term activities, you won't be paying Childcare fees and should be back at work. I think you would make the money side of things work if you had to.
Personally I just can't get past the idea of a third and don't think I ever will. I may not be able to get pregnant which I could get over but I feel like I have to at least try or I will regret it.
Posted 23 February 2013 - 08:13 AM
I agree with all those who say if you Really Really want a third, financial concerns should probably not be foremost, unless you are already really struggling.
BUT, I'd just like to throw out there that while child care is a big cost, kids also do cost more and more as they get older.
We had our third child three years ago next week, and while I don't regret it for a second, I do think it's made out lives harder over all. And, over those same three years my eldest has gone from 8 to 11, and he now eats more than me, his clothes cost more than little kids clothes (and we don't get the hand me downs we used to, cause big kids wear through their clothes), and so on.
We have realised in the past couple of years that while we adjusted financially to earning less (we both work part time now - very lucky to be able to that - government jobs), we haven't really adjusted to how much more we are spending, from clothes to food to electricity, and even to petrol, running kids around to activities (though we keep those to a minimum).
Still, I love my almost-three year old to bits, and wouldn't be without her. So no answers, just some more food for thought maybe.
Posted 23 February 2013 - 08:31 AM
My third has been a difficult baby. He's 14 months old and I'm drained. If he had been my second I would not have had 3 children. If I'd known it was going to be like this, I would not have had 3 children.
I love him dearly of course. I know it's taboo but I do regularly consider though that it may have been better for our family had we not made the choice to have three when he was still a hypothetical child. I just can't wait for him to grow up and not be a baby any more and I never felt like that with the other two. I loved and cherished their babyhoods and never wanted it to end. My third whinges, cries, demands, clings, is frustrated, bored, and more from the time he wakes to the time he goes to bed. He isn't content by any stretch of the word.
ETA: I read posts from others who say that going from 1 to 2 harder than 2 to 3. I have found going from 2 to 3 though enormously difficult. My older children are really low maintenance and easy going as well, plus they were 3 and 6 when the 3rd was born and completely self sufficient. Handling 3 though and enjoying it as the same time has been challenging to say the least. My third has been taxied around and in out, in out, in out of the car for school pick up and drop off, kindy pick up and drop off, DS1's sporting commitments, DS2's sporting commitments, appointments and so on. All I do is run around constantly out and about and around the home.
We have absolutely no financial stress at all whatsoever. Gee, I couldn't imagine that on top of everything else!!
That is just me being open and honest.
Edited by Bek+3, 23 February 2013 - 09:20 AM.
Posted 23 February 2013 - 08:51 AM
We have 3. All were a bit of a surprise, but we had tossed around the idea of a 3rd and then decided no. Only to then have an oops the month later. We love our little girls to bits. The finances are stretched, but to me that's not as much of an issue as just merely coping from day to day. I feel like I am permanently on the edge of coping and not. The ensuing chaos of 3 children and the extra workload is nearly more than I can cope with. If you think how much busier you were when your second came along, well, it's not just that again, it's 10x more busier. My elder 2 were 5.5 and 3.5 when DD was born and the eldest was just getting into team sports, he started school a few months later and so it just meant that we were (and are) always on the go. The housework is always a battle, the running around is neverending. I am permanently exhausted. I have worked parttime and been a SAHM since DD arrived and neither is easy. Our finances are stretched, but the strain that places pales into insignificance compared to managing the day to day chaos.
Would I have 3 in hindsight.....not sure - it depends on the day which child I would give back....lol. BUt I love nothing more than watching the relationship grow between the 3 of them. I love seeing the caring side of DS#1 come out when he's playing with DD and how he chooses to get down to toddler level and play with her. I love how she looks for and misses her brothers when they are at school. DD and DS#2 also have a special and close relationship that is beautiful to watch.
Edited by mibi, 23 February 2013 - 08:52 AM.
Posted 23 February 2013 - 08:56 AM
We just had number 3. We did have to make sure the budget would stretch. Can u wait until the other kids are school age so less daycare
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