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How do you want people to tell you they're pregnant
after you suffer a loss?

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9 replies to this topic

#1 epl0822

Posted 18 January 2013 - 04:11 PM

ETA: I am not sure if this is the right place to start this. Please feel free to move me. I just want to get some advice as I have several close friends who miscarried in the past year and one has been receiving counselling or months.

I guess the topic is pretty much self explanatory..
If someone has suffered a miscarriage and say they have a friend or relative who knows about the loss. When the friend/relative falls pregnant, what would be the best way of them telling them?

Edited by epl0822, 18 January 2013 - 04:19 PM.

#2 beaglebaby

Posted 18 January 2013 - 04:19 PM

The kindest way a friend told me was to invite me round for coffee so I was in a private place and didn't feel the need to keep my emotions in check.  I was happy for her, but still cried, and then cried some more as I so wanted our second babies to be close.  I'm so grateful that she was so thoughtful.

#3 HRH Countrymel

Posted 18 January 2013 - 04:20 PM

Quietly when we are alone together and I have a chance to leave soon after.

I want to be able to genuinely express my joy for you - then nip off home and have a big sob into my pillow session.

NOT as part of a grand 'reveal' at a gathering I'm stuck at.

#4 flyingfree

Posted 18 January 2013 - 04:28 PM

I agree with the other posters, in oerson and a private place

Most importantly they find out through you and not the grapevine as it hurts so much more (especailly if family or close frinds)

If she is having a real tough time email her then she has time to deal with your announcement brfore replying

#5 Bwok~Bwok

Posted 23 January 2013 - 11:46 PM

I'd prefer email/text that way if I'm a bit 'sensitive' they won't see my reaction. I hate feeling like I'm 'raining on their parade' and it makes me feel worse, because I am truly happy for them, but some days it can sting IYKWIM

#6 Bwok~Bwok

Posted 23 January 2013 - 11:46 PM

I'd prefer email/text that way if I'm a bit 'sensitive' they won't see my reaction. I hate feeling like I'm 'raining on their parade' and it makes me feel worse, because I am truly happy for them, but some days it can sting IYKWIM

#7 envs

Posted 24 January 2013 - 12:17 AM

a few months after my mc, dh's close rellie called to tell us they were expecting, at abot 11 at night. They were obviously aware how it would feel for us if we found out through the grapevine, so we thought it was so very thoughtful that they told us so soon after telling their immediate families.

it helped that we had recently discovered that we were expecting again, but if we weren't, it was still so much appreciated that they thought of our feelings amidst their joy.

#8 mini mac

Posted 24 January 2013 - 12:19 AM

I made an 'announcement' at a small gathering of good friends as I knew there would be massive suspicion that I wasn't drinking. Knowing my friend had that week had a d&c she was told prior to the party in private. She was upset, but still happy for us and appreciated the consideration to tell her before everyone else. She still had a cry when I told our other friends but at least she was ready for it, and so was I as most of our friends didn't know she had a m/c or was even pregnant so I could support her too.

#9 Fillyjonk

Posted 24 January 2013 - 10:12 PM

Tell me early. I do not want to spend weeks speculating whether you are just gaining weight or whether you are, indeed, expecting again. And I don't want to be the last to know in our common group of friends. Oh, and don't call it an "unexpected happy little surprise."

#10 julz78

Posted 24 January 2013 - 11:44 PM

I agree with all the other pp, pick a safe private place and time when the friend can have a cry in private and escape if they feel they need to. Even and email or pick up the phone. Whatever you do make sure you do tell and not just wait for them to find out, that hurts. My own sister didn't bother to tell me she was expecting, I found out on facebook along with a bunch of randoms not seen in the last 10 years. Everyone else in the family was told too.

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