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If a guest's child breaks a big present
Do you ask they help pay for it?

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69 replies to this topic

#1 peach*face

Posted 18 January 2013 - 06:52 AM

I had my friend over, she bought her new partner and his son. My friend and I went out for dinner and left the new BF, his son, my kids and my partner at home. We came back about an hour later, his son had ripped wiring and the microphone off my dd's brand new keyboard she got for christmas which was also her favourite present. She is only 4 and was really upset. I can't find any more of these keyboards anywhere and I don't really want to pursue it but I am not sure if I should ask her/ new bf to pay half if I do get one? The little boy has a form of autism and they don't have heaps of spare cash.

Would you ask or just leave it? Our daughter is very upset and the keyboard is completely stuffed.

Edited by peach*face, 18 January 2013 - 06:57 AM.

#2 Soontobegran

Posted 18 January 2013 - 07:00 AM

Unfortunately I would probably put it down to bad luck sad.gif
If I was the other parent I would offer to pay for it but if you don't think it is likely to happen then it is probably not worth stewing over because ultimately the adults perhaps should have been supervising a little more closely?

It is very sad for your DD, are you sure you can't get a replacement wire from the manufacturer and fix it? I know we did that once when someone practised their cutting skills on a microphone.

#3 Mpjp is feral

Posted 18 January 2013 - 07:04 AM

QUOTE (FluffyOscar @ 18/01/2013, 08:03 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I would leave it. From your description of how badly it was broken, I suspect the fathers weren't doing a very good job of supervising. Your poor DD.

This sorry....

#4 peach*face

Posted 18 January 2013 - 07:05 AM

Thanks STBG original.gif. The keyboard was in the same room, apparently he ran over to it just randomly and started pulling out the wiring on the mic and yelling out "sorry" as he did it. So it was all very quick. No offer to pay, but I think I wouldn't have accepted anyway at the time.

I guess its a suck it up incident. These keyboards all all sold out and DP said its totally wrecked.

Edited by peach*face, 18 January 2013 - 07:11 AM.

#5 JustBeige

Posted 18 January 2013 - 07:08 AM

QUOTE (FluffyOscar @ 18/01/2013, 08:03 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I would leave it. From your description of how badly it was broken, I suspect the fathers weren't doing a very good job of supervising. Your poor DD.

I agree.

I would just try and get it repaired or get a replacement

Eta: we posted at the same time

Edited by JustBeige, 18 January 2013 - 07:10 AM.

#6 SophieBear

Posted 18 January 2013 - 07:10 AM

I think it's just one of those things..

You mention that your friend is tight in cash and personally, I'd hate for my friend and I to fall out over an accident.

I would try and contact the manufacturer and see whether it can be fixed and if you're still concerned, mention it in conversation that you fixed it and it cost .....

#7 peach*face

Posted 18 January 2013 - 07:13 AM

The keyboard was in the living area. I think the supervision was lacking, with that said my DP wasn't aware the child had ASD until after it occured.

Thanks for your replies, I will leave it. original.gif

Edited by peach*face, 18 January 2013 - 07:14 AM.

#8 KT1978

Posted 18 January 2013 - 07:17 AM

I find it odd that the kid was left in the care of the "new boyfriend" in the first place.

Or am I the only one?

#9 Soontobegran

Posted 18 January 2013 - 07:19 AM

That is bad luck for sure. You'd think if there was going to be an offer of assistance it would have come when you got home with your friend sad.gif

I do think it would probably cool my friendship with these people. I know accidents happen but I am all for acknowledging the problem and being part of the problem solving.
I hope your little girl is ok.


Edited by soontobegran, 18 January 2013 - 09:11 AM.

#10 FearsomeFeralFreak

Posted 18 January 2013 - 07:19 AM

I would ask for money towards it to be fixed. Maybe offer to go halves?

The father needs to be responsible and give you some money towards fixing it.

I wouldn't expect a friendship to fall apart because you asked a parent to contribute to a child's breakages.

#11 LookMumNoHands

Posted 18 January 2013 - 07:21 AM

Glad you're going to leave it, OP.

I second STBG's suggestion. Take it to an electrical repairs place, hopefully it can be fixed and work again for your DD.

#12 peach*face

Posted 18 January 2013 - 07:24 AM

I find it odd that the kid was left in the care of the "new boyfriend" in the first place

It's the new BF's son. Not my friend's son. Why is that weird? I left my kids with their dad, friend's BF was looking after his son. They have been together a few months, so natural they should visit and not at all weird.

He had been playing on it normally before the incident, it's in the same room as the TV and where the Dad's were sitting. The mic is pretty flimsy and not that hard to rip out.

I would take it down somewhere to repair but I think that would cost more than the keyboard. I'll just get a new microphone to go with it seperately.original.gif

Edited by peach*face, 18 January 2013 - 07:39 AM.

#13 3mummy3

Posted 18 January 2013 - 07:28 AM

QUOTE (KT1978 @ 18/01/2013, 07:17 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I find it odd that the kid was left in the care of the "new boyfriend" in the first place.

Or am I the only one?

The "new boyfreind" is the kid's father. The op's freind is not the boy's mum.

Edited by 3mummy3, 18 January 2013 - 07:29 AM.

#14 Missy Shelby

Posted 18 January 2013 - 07:28 AM

I would have offered to pay for a new one but that is kinda how we roll in this family, not all families do unfortunately

#15 jennywin

Posted 18 January 2013 - 07:29 AM

I'd leave it. It is a toy for a 4 year old after all.

However I would try and fix it. These things have screws. Open it up, and give it a go reattaching the wire. I did it recently with a remote control car. Give it a go, nothing to lose, and good example to set your kids regarding fixing things or trying to.

And btw, completely normal to leave children under the supervision on trusted adults, male or female. Its 2013 after all.  As for the stuff up, were human, they're kids.

#16 Bluenomi

Posted 18 January 2013 - 07:33 AM

You shouldn't need to ask, they should be offering to replace it!! If you break something that belongs to someone else (espeically a small child's fave toy) you replace it. I can't believe they were so rude not to offer!

I'd be telling them to replace it and not inviting them over again in a hurry.

#17 YodaTheWrinkledOne

Posted 18 January 2013 - 07:38 AM

QUOTE (peach*face @ 18/01/2013, 06:52 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Would you ask or just leave it? Our daughter is very upset and the keyboard is completely stuffed.

I would leave it.  To be honest, it wouldn't occur to me to ask for money.  sh*t happens.  Sounds like there wasn't close supervision, either with the boy's father or your own DH. As as much as your daughter is upset, it's not really going to scar her for life.

Mind you, if I was the friend, I would have offered some money towards repair/replacement.  But you have already said they don't have spare cash, so maybe she's simply not in a position to make that offer anyway.

I'd look into getting it repaired, if possible.

#18 Tobias'smum

Posted 18 January 2013 - 07:45 AM

I would ask for it to be fixed/ replaced i have before and i have offered before when ds broke something.

One thing he broke was something like your dds where only one I could find etc so DH fixed it and we brought an addition for the item that the little girl wanted. because its the right thing to do.

Just because its a child and it some thing she loves and adores (even if only for a short time) it doesnt mean it has less value then say something i love that I would want replacced if it was broken.

#19 *lightning

Posted 18 January 2013 - 08:05 AM

I wouldn't ask for money but I would offer if my child broke something. I would buy another one for my child.

If they don't supervise properly and allow their child to get rough with toys. I wouldn't invite them over again, I would arrange play dates at the park.

As for ASD, I would expect a parent to supervise the child properly but I would accept that the child is different and might be difficult for the parent to handle. ASD is not an excuse to break things because a parent should be supervising but all children have their moments and an ASD child is more likely to suddenly do something like break a toy.

#20 BadCat

Posted 18 January 2013 - 08:12 AM

I'd expect him to pay for it.

The fact that he apparently didn't offer means he is unlikely to pay for it if asked anyway so you have to decide whether it is worth making a fuss over.

#21 mummabear

Posted 18 January 2013 - 08:20 AM

Your poor dd.  I hate that people don't offer to replace things even if I wouldn't accept! It's just plain good manners. And who cares if the kid has autism. Makes zero difference to what happened. It doesn't exempt his father from being responsible!

#22 elizabethany

Posted 18 January 2013 - 08:31 AM

Why should your DD miss out because the BF didn't supervise well enough?  Try and get it repaired or replaced, whichever is cheaper and possible, and get them to pay for it.  Their damage, their cost.

#23 Mumsyto2

Posted 18 January 2013 - 08:41 AM

I'm going against the grain here. My philosophy is that if a child comes over to MY house then it is MY responsibility to supervise them in MY house around MY possessions and MY children whether their parent is present or not. So for example if a visitors child scribbled on my wall or broke something I would accept immediately that I had failed in my duty of care to supervise correctly in my house and there is no way I would be expecting the parent to try and fix it or pay for it as it was my fault.

I do supervise my kids when I take them to other peoples houses and so far have never had an incident but ultimately I feel it is their responsibility to maintain appropriate supervision in their own home as I do in mine.  I don't feel that ASD enters into this, I have a child wirth ASD and have a couple of friends with kids with ASD and I don't use this as an excuse not to supervise the kids appropriately in my own house or use it as an excuse to make their parents responsible for my inability to correctly supervise and take control in my house.

Edited by Mumsyto2, 18 January 2013 - 08:42 AM.

#24 Therese

Posted 18 January 2013 - 08:48 AM

I would leave it.

#25 happygurl06

Posted 18 January 2013 - 08:54 AM

I'd leave it, but that's my personality.  If my children broke it I'd ask where to get a new one and purchase it myself.

As an aside, after many a broken items after family parties I now take anything that is either special, easily broken or defaced and put them in my wardrobe!  I leave a selection if toys/ paper/ pencils out that can be used.  I don't seem to have to do this for play dates though.

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