Jump to content

Totally losing my mind I think...
Not enjoying my pregnancy


  • Please log in to reply
25 replies to this topic

#1 Koobie83

Posted 18 January 2013 - 06:03 AM

Hi,I seriously think I'm losing it. I'm really not enjoying this pregnancy. I just want it to be over already. I can't handle people congratulating me because I'm not relaxed and enjoying it as most people expect I should be. Don't get me wrong. The only thing I've ever wanted is to be a mother and this baby was planned and I was really ecstatic about it in my first trimester. Then I had as small bleed which resolved thankfully. Ever since I've been an anxious stressed out mess worrying about one thing after the other. First it was watching for more bleeding, then worrying about what I was eating, then making sure I'm gaining enough weight because I don't seem to be getting very big. You would think the movements would make me relax - nope. This has made it worse because I'm watching for movement all day and if I don't feel any I'm ready to hyperventilate.I know this isn't good for the baby and I know she's fine. I just can't seem to listen to anyone when they remind me that everything is ok because my anxiety and fear take over and I can't listen. I suppose I need counseling right? I think I do because im tired of feeling this way. I'm tired of people wanting to talk about the baby all excitedly because I'm not excited. I'm a worried mess.Im so jealous of all you who can enjoy their pregnancies. I thought I would be the same but unfortunately no. I don't think I can do this again.

#2 Chelli

Posted 18 January 2013 - 06:26 AM

Please make an appointment with your GP or talk to your healthcare professional about how you are feeling. Anxiety is awful and it is a good idea to have it addressed now and to put support services in place for both before and after the arrival of your baby.

It is great that you recognize this as an issue for you and that you are able to articulate how you are feeling. I wish you all the very best.

Chelli

#3 Diana_Barry

Posted 18 January 2013 - 06:27 AM

It's possible to get pre-natal depression - a friend of mine did.

I got post natal depression/anxiety, and the anxiety was excruiating - I'm sorry this is happening to you now.

Have you got a good GP? It would be worth seeing what they can suggest to help. My friend got referred to a specific counsellor & support group.

Also, if the first person you see can't help, please try another GP. It took me three tries (over five miserable weeks) before I found someone who could help me.

I hope you get this sorted so you can enjoy the rest of your pregnancy.



#4 Kay1

Posted 18 January 2013 - 06:34 AM

Im so sorry to hear it OP. Definitely see your GP. This is a known issue for some people and there is help available.

#5 Koobie83

Posted 18 January 2013 - 07:16 AM

Pre Natal depression? Wow. That could be me. And while I'm sitting here I can feel movement so I know I'm being irrational. I guess what I've worked out why I'm more stressed is work. I can't do it anymore. I'm not interested in the BS that comes along with it when I'm focused on getting ready for the baby. My boss is really good but if I take time off she expects me to make up extra time for it. I've already exhausted my personal leave for appointments and things so any more time off I take to see a doctor will have to be unpaid.I think I will make an appointment with my GP. She's great bu she only works part time so it's really hard getting an appointment. I've seen other doctors at the clinic and bother one and they just aren't the same. And I'm a little intimidated by my midwife. I feel like I pester her too much with questions. I know that's what she's there for, but I just. Don't want to take her time away from other patients going into labour.
I'll definitely make an appointment with my Gp. I don't want this to develop into PND. I wonder if having a death in the family over Xmas made this worse too? Don't Know.

Thank you for your help and advice .



#6 Moo point

Posted 18 January 2013 - 07:24 AM

I'm so sorry you are feeling this way.

Yes, a recent bereavement will almost certainly be compounding things - I'm so sorry for your loss sad.gif

Please don't think you are a burden on your midwife - that is what they are there for! If you have phone contact with your midwife then please call her, she won't answer if she's with a labouring woman, don't think you are bothering her. She will want what's best for you, and may be able to refer you to someone. At the very least she should be aware of how you're feeling as she wants to ensure you have the healthiest pregnancy possible.

And I understand the work thing, I don't think I was very productive in my last trimester. Would you consider going on maternity leave a little earlier than planned? That may help. Best of luck.

#7 mumma_ox

Posted 18 January 2013 - 07:32 AM

Please get yourself some help.  Don't worry if you feel like what you are telling your care providers seems irrational...you need help and need to tell someone exactly how you feel.

Good luck, please take care of yourself.

#8 Natttmumm

Posted 18 January 2013 - 09:11 AM

I felt like that with my first. Would you consider doing a calm birth course.

Its helped me relax this time and accept pregnancy etc. Please consider its not just labour

#9 Natttmumm

Posted 18 January 2013 - 09:11 AM

I felt like that with my first. Would you consider doing a calm birth course.

Its helped me relax this time and accept pregnancy etc. Please consider its not just labour

#10 Koobie83

Posted 18 January 2013 - 10:50 AM

I would consider anything I think.

#11 Beancat

Posted 18 January 2013 - 11:09 AM

Definitely go see your GP.  My friend had pre natal depression and was put on lexapro

I am currently 24 weeks pregnant and have been on lexapro this whole pregnancy, but will be off it in a week or so.  I got PND with DD and then got pregnant when she was 6 months old and was told my ob it was safe to stay on the lexapro.  

I am sorted now but have been warned by my GP and ob that my axiety could start to rear its ugly head in the last couple of months.

It is normal to have a bit of anxiety in pregnancy but not so much that you feel terrible and not yourself.  Def go see your GP asap

#12 Koobie83

Posted 18 January 2013 - 11:12 AM

Yeah I think I need to. But she's only there on Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays which means I need time from work. And like I said before I have already had so much time off I don't have any leave...

#13 tanyak1

Posted 18 January 2013 - 11:13 AM

I know how you feel - I was the same for all 3 pregnancies, and it got worse with each one, I was a complete basket case for the last one. Couldn't wait for it to be over and worried and anxious about every possible thing.

Definitely see your GP, any help you can get will be worth it.

#14 Koobie83

Posted 18 January 2013 - 12:22 PM

I rang the midwives and I'm heading into the pregnancy assessment unit in about 30 minutes.  Wish me luck.
I'm going to be brave too and tell them honestly how I've been feeling. I think that's the only way I'm going to be able to work this one out.
Thanks for your help. Will update later.

#15 hanz33

Posted 18 January 2013 - 04:31 PM

QUOTE (Koobie83 @ 18/01/2013, 06:03 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Hi,I seriously think I'm losing it. I'm really not enjoying this pregnancy. I just want it to be over already. I can't handle people congratulating me because I'm not relaxed and enjoying it as most people expect I should be. Don't get me wrong. The only thing I've ever wanted is to be a mother and this baby was planned and I was really ecstatic about it in my first trimester. Then I had as small bleed which resolved thankfully. Ever since I've been an anxious stressed out mess worrying about one thing after the other. First it was watching for more bleeding, then worrying about what I was eating, then making sure I'm gaining enough weight because I don't seem to be getting very big. You would think the movements would make me relax - nope. This has made it worse because I'm watching for movement all day and if I don't feel any I'm ready to hyperventilate.I know this isn't good for the baby and I know she's fine. I just can't seem to listen to anyone when they remind me that everything is ok because my anxiety and fear take over and I can't listen. I suppose I need counseling right? I think I do because im tired of feeling this way. I'm tired of people wanting to talk about the baby all excitedly because I'm not excited. I'm a worried mess.Im so jealous of all you who can enjoy their pregnancies. I thought I would be the same but unfortunately no. I don't think I can do this again.


I had a miscarriage and I am finding it hard to enjoy this pregnancy when I have a fear of losing the baby for no apparent reason and even worse, having a baby with a defect. Go to counselling nobody will have the answers you need on here because it is such a personal journey.

#16 Diana_Barry

Posted 18 January 2013 - 04:40 PM

How did you go with the midwife OP?



#17 Koobie83

Posted 18 January 2013 - 05:57 PM

Update:-

So went into the hospital pregnancy assessment unit and met one of the midwives there. I had the doppler and the midwife found her to be down really low. I was put on a trace machine thingy for about an hour. She was moving a lot but I couldn't feel it. I only felt a few big kicks around the place when she was obviously getting quite cranky. I did a urine test too and that came back that I had blood in it, so it's getting tested further.

All in all it was very reassuring, especially when the doctor came in and said the baby's heart rate is excellent and her movement is great considering her gestation. They were very happy with it. I was too because feeling those reassuring kicks was great.

The MAIN issue = anxiety. The midwife was great. She told me that it's completely normal to feel anxious, but after I told her what I'd been through lately with my family and my work (have had a run in with a colleague where he basically isn't appreciative of my 'flippant' attitude lately. He didn't like my attitude when I told him that work isn't my first priority right now... geez i wonder why?) so she's going to have an Occupational Therapist contact me who will try to help me with my anxiety.

She told me to try to enjoy the pregnancy. What will be will be. It's no fun to be stressed out when I should be trying to enjoy my last few months of 'freedom'. All true. And I should be.

I honestly feel as though I need to take my maternity leave earlier. When I was on holiday I was fine, but now I'm back at work it seems to have got worse.

#18 miss_heidi

Posted 18 January 2013 - 06:33 PM

Hey, you're not alone.  Many women feel this way, i barely enjoyed my first trimester at all because i was so worried about everything.  It can take an effort to keep the anxiety in check, some of us are just natural worriers and find it harder to relax in these situations, where the stakes are high.

Its worth speaking to a counsellor.  Your hospital will probably have a free service you can access, there is nothing wrong with giving it a go.  What do you have to lose?  Lots to gain, nothing to lose really.  Prenatal depression happens too.  Your midwives are there to help you with this, thats what they do.  Its part of their job!

You're in a situation with many unknowns, and Im convinced that there is a whole movement out there intent on frightening the hell out of pregnant women.  

I hope you're ok, please take care ...



#19 indigogirl

Posted 18 January 2013 - 06:55 PM

I totally HATED my 2nd pregnancy and was not myself at all. The anxiety was excrutiating. I didnt get the help I needed at the time as I was really ashamed to admit what was really going on and then ended up with PND. So I am in full admiration of how you are talking to people about it! Good for you! I feel very sad for myself that I didnt as it robbed me and my baby of our pregnancy time.

Its officially being called "Perinatal Depression" now in recognition of how many women experience anxiety and depression during pregnancy not just after birth.

You can ring PANDA and speak to a counsellor there. They are so good. Really helpful.

I'm so sorry you have had a loss too. Pregnancy definitely magnifies all emotions! If you can afford to take leave early I would do anything you can to support yourself. Good luck with everything. You are clearly already on the road to being an awesome mum!

#20 Koobie83

Posted 19 January 2013 - 06:37 AM

Thank you... I hope I will be an awesome Mum. I can see myself already becoming like my mum - super anxious and worried about me all the time. I don't want to be TOO much like her!

#21 MrsLexiK

Posted 19 January 2013 - 07:04 AM

Glad yesterday went well!

#22 Silver Girl

Posted 19 January 2013 - 07:10 AM

Hi Koobie83, some great suggestions have been made on this thread. I second the suggestion to see a GP and/or a counsellor.

I'm an anxious and perfectionist Mum at times and my maternal/child nurse has been very helpful. She even runs a support group and a rhyme time singalong for new Mums with PND/anxiety.

Maybe you could get in touch with your council and meet your maternal child health nurse before you have the baby. These nurses have many resources at their fingertips to help you cope and adjust to life with your beautiful baby. All the best.

#23 Lees75

Posted 19 January 2013 - 08:08 AM

OP, I had ante-natal depression with both kids. Both times it started after bleeds at 6 weeks.  The first time it was very scary, as I didn't tell anyone until about 15 weeks, when I couldn't hold it in any longer and I bawled and bawled to XH. It was strange, but once I started talking about it, it was much easier to cope with.  With the 2nd pregnancy, it was probably more full on, to the point I was praying for a miscarriage, but because I knew what was happening it was easier to cope with.  As an Occupational Therapist myself, I employed all the anti-anxiety techniques I learnt at Uni to get me through it.

I was also very scared of developing post natal depression, particularly with a strong history of depression in my family, so XH and I were prepared for that as well, but it never eventuated, thankfully.

I hope you have a supportive husband to talk it through.  It does get better:) I hope you meet an awesome OT:)


#24 Nervy

Posted 19 January 2013 - 09:55 AM

Koobie, I hope you are ok :-)

i hate being pregnant, although I long for the baby so much with all my heart, the process for me is horrible also.

I worry and think about still birth and the baby dying every day. My movements in my first pregnancy were minimal and they have been minimal with this one too. My OB said it could be my 'perception' of the movements, what someone thinks is ALOT, I might think is not alot at all.

With my first i was at the hospital every other week getting the CTG thing on me up until the day i went into labour because i was so worried my baby had died. This time, I'm a bit better, but still let my thoughts run away with me.

I saw you sent your doppler back, i have one, I only use it when i need to, and for me, it helps, but everyone is different and when you are feeling so anxious you certainly dont need any tools to make it worse. So good on you.

I dont know what i really want to say, but please know you are not alone, im sure like you & i there are lots of other mums to be that are going through the same thing. My Ob said to me last week when i was mentioning my fears, that no-one knows when their time is up, but we cant live always fearing the worst. Sort of helped :-) Good luck with your pregnancy and before you know it, you will be holding a gorgeous baby girl in your arms x

#25 Koobie83

Posted 22 January 2013 - 10:46 AM

Thank you all for your empathy, encouragement and advice.
I'm taking it one day at a time again and even though those feelings try to creep up on me I am trying not to let them take over.
I got a call from the midwives at the hospital yesterday too checking up on everything and making sure I was ok and I have been feeling movements. It was so reassuring for them to tell me again that's it's perfectly ok for me to go up and see them anytime I'm feeling stressed out and worried biggrin.gif

Lees75 - He is supportive, at times. He can get me down as well which is stressing me. I don't know what's wrong with him. He's getting sorted for the baby and is being a good dad like that, but then he'll turn on me and blame me for falling pregnant too quickly (? the pregnancy was planned and it's not like he doesn't know what happens if you do this, that and the other happens!). Basically he tells me that I've mucked up his plans for this year. It's BS because we discussed it all and went through the financials and we can definitely afford for him to do what he wants to do before we TTC. It's just his personal choice not to go through with it. So I basically don't know what his plans are. One day it will be this, next day that... I'm sick of living in limbo like this.

Nervy - RE: Perception of movements. I think you hit the nail on the head. I think I was feeling movements the whole time, but what I think is nothing is probably what others think is more. In fact, I woke up on Saturday night really late because it was so hot and woke up to feeling her having a party in there! She was really kicking and moving around. It got me thinking that perhaps she is most active when I'm the least active - which I've heard is very common. So perhaps on those days I couldn't feel much she was up all night. I wonder if this is something she will continue after birth too? My parents have told me I hated sleeping at night time.

Me too - I want this baby more than anything, it's just the process I'm not so much of a fan of. If you had asked me on Friday whether I'd consider having another baby I could have told you without second thoughts never ever ever and would only consider if I adopted! Today, maybe. Give me a few years!

Edited by Koobie83, 22 January 2013 - 10:51 AM.





1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

How I learnt to relax about routines

After many routine-led, tough years, we've realised that being parenting isn't about being perfect. It isn't about following a schedule to a T.

Should you have a third child or not?

I thought our family had been complete with our two boys. I had no idea how much I needed my daughter until she was here.

Helping a toddler embrace an adopted sibling

A single parent by choice, I am preparing to adopt a second baby from Morocco. And I face a special challenge.

When pregnancy messes with your self-esteem

Pregnancy doesn't make all women feel beautiful. It certainly doesn't raise every woman's self-esteem.

Join us in The BIG nappy change

Introducing the new Coles Little Explorer Nappies! You can confidently rely on Coles Little Explorer nappies at each stage of your child's growth, so take the Big Nappy Change and try new Coles Little Explorer nappies for yourself!

Robbie Williams live tweets wife's labour

And the award for most patient woman in labour goes to ... Robbie Williams' wife, Ayda Field.

Vaccine ignorance is deadly and contagious

In the absence of credible, strong political leadership, paranoia about disease can go viral.

Parenting differently based on birth order

All children have unique personalities, but keeping birth order in mind could help when parenting.

How to get rid of the mum guilt

Motherhood and guilt seem to go hand in hand, but there are ways to focus

Paid parental leave scheme grinds to a halt

The future of Prime Minister Tony Abbott's paid parental leave scheme appears to be up in the air, despite the fact it is due to begin in less than nine months.

The devastation of foetal alcohol spectrum disorders

No one's sure how many Australians are affected by foetal alcohol spectrum disorders, but the consequences for those who are can be devastating.

The pros and cons of finding out the sex of your unborn baby

It’s often one of the biggest choices parents make during the course of their pregnancy; to find out, or not to find out, the sex of their baby before it’s born.

Toddler's awesome dress up month

Two-year-old Willow and her photographer mum, Gina Lee, made October "Dress Up Willow Month". She posted photos of Willow's costumes on her Instagram account, and her creative takes on popular culture are simply adorable.

Childhood around the world

It can be easy to assume our ideas around childhood are universal, but they are particular to where we live, as these practices show.

Best picks for baby and toddler shoes

Here's a great selection of footwear from pre-walker to walker ensuring comfort and style for growing feet.

I lost my wife and daughters to Ebola - then it came for my son

Sunday, September 21, is a day I will never forget.

The 'yucky' illness that took over my life

I have a chronic illness nobody likes to discuss. It involves toilet talk, and probably caused my miscarriage. But it needs to be talked about.

Prenatal testing: the facts

Prenatal testing is done to check if a baby has certain medical conditions before birth. Here is some important information about what the tests are for and the risks involved.

5 things to do with your baby?s old clothes

Did you think your only option for your baby?s old clothes was to pack them away or give them to the Salvos? Think again.

Why it's possible to not realise you're pregnant until the baby arrives

After hearing about 'surprise babies' born to mums who didn't know they were pregnant, it's common to ask "how did she not realise?" But experts say it's entirely possible for it to happen.

'My miracle is finally here'

How has the world continued on its pace when mine has been altered so drastically?

Dairy can help older women fall pregnant: study

Ice cream may be the ultimate comfort food, but a study suggests it could also help older women to have children.

Megan Gale goes topless for 'sexiest people' cover

Six months after a heavily pregnant Megan Gale posed nude for Marie Claire, the glowing new mum has gone topless for the cover of another magazine.

A new perspective on life from living with two diseases

A mother shares her personal story about the difficulty of living with two conditions, one of which stops her from being able to see her daughter's face.

Warning about Children's Panadol dosage

The Therapeutic Goods Administration has issued a safety advisory warning parents about confusion when using the dosing syringe supplied with Children's Panadol.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Take 'The Coles Big Nappy Change' Challenge

You could become part of our Test Drive team and win one of 200 packs of Coles Little Explorer Nappies as part of our 5-day challenge.

Win 1 of 5 Canon Powershot D30 cameras

Capture life more easily with the Canon Powershot D30. Shockproof, waterproof and dustproof, you can take it almost anywhere and shoot beautiful images, time after time. Enter now!

16 parenting truths you won't find in the baby books

I am five years into this parenting gig and I’ve learnt that sleepless nights and changing dirty nappies are child’s play.

Best and worst potty party cakes

It's nice to celebrate a child making the shift from nappies to 'big kid' undies, but do we really need a semi-realistic used toilet cake to do it? Here are some of the best and worst cakes parents have used at 'potty parties' around the world.

7 tips for a financially festive Christmas

Plan ahead - and do it now - to ensure festive season expenses don't break the bank.

'Go the F*** to Sleep' author's new book for frustrated parents

A sequel is coming soon to the 2011 hit book 'Go the F*** to Sleep' - and this time, it's about mealtimes.

Great birthday party buys from Etsy

Handmade crafts to decorate and personalise your child's next birthday - from banners to cake decorations, we've got gorgeous party finds from Etsy.

Join us in The BIG nappy change

Introducing the new Coles Little Explorer Nappies! You can confidently rely on Coles Little Explorer nappies at each stage of your child's growth, so take the Big Nappy Change and try new Coles Little Explorer nappies for yourself!

Creative storage ideas for the kids' rooms

Creative and practical storage ideas for the kids' toys and books can also add some stylish decor to your home. Visit babyology.com.au for more stylish modern finds for hip kids & parents.

Weird trend

Couple has five babies in 14 months

Julie and David Grygla weren't sure they'd ever have kids - but their dreams have now well and truly come true.

To the mum in the doctor's waiting room

Maybe the mum I saw in that waiting room, seemingly disconnected from her baby, doesn’t have the support she needs.

10 space-saving nursery ideas

Starting a family doesn't always mean moving into a bigger house - not yet, anyway.

 

What's in a name?

Baby Names

Looking for a classic name, or an unusual name? Our Baby Name Finder is for you, search or browse to refine your shortlist.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.