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Totally losing my mind I think...
Not enjoying my pregnancy


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#1 Koobie83

Posted 18 January 2013 - 06:03 AM

Hi,I seriously think I'm losing it. I'm really not enjoying this pregnancy. I just want it to be over already. I can't handle people congratulating me because I'm not relaxed and enjoying it as most people expect I should be. Don't get me wrong. The only thing I've ever wanted is to be a mother and this baby was planned and I was really ecstatic about it in my first trimester. Then I had as small bleed which resolved thankfully. Ever since I've been an anxious stressed out mess worrying about one thing after the other. First it was watching for more bleeding, then worrying about what I was eating, then making sure I'm gaining enough weight because I don't seem to be getting very big. You would think the movements would make me relax - nope. This has made it worse because I'm watching for movement all day and if I don't feel any I'm ready to hyperventilate.I know this isn't good for the baby and I know she's fine. I just can't seem to listen to anyone when they remind me that everything is ok because my anxiety and fear take over and I can't listen. I suppose I need counseling right? I think I do because im tired of feeling this way. I'm tired of people wanting to talk about the baby all excitedly because I'm not excited. I'm a worried mess.Im so jealous of all you who can enjoy their pregnancies. I thought I would be the same but unfortunately no. I don't think I can do this again.

#2 Chelli

Posted 18 January 2013 - 06:26 AM

Please make an appointment with your GP or talk to your healthcare professional about how you are feeling. Anxiety is awful and it is a good idea to have it addressed now and to put support services in place for both before and after the arrival of your baby.

It is great that you recognize this as an issue for you and that you are able to articulate how you are feeling. I wish you all the very best.

Chelli

#3 Diana_Barry

Posted 18 January 2013 - 06:27 AM

It's possible to get pre-natal depression - a friend of mine did.

I got post natal depression/anxiety, and the anxiety was excruiating - I'm sorry this is happening to you now.

Have you got a good GP? It would be worth seeing what they can suggest to help. My friend got referred to a specific counsellor & support group.

Also, if the first person you see can't help, please try another GP. It took me three tries (over five miserable weeks) before I found someone who could help me.

I hope you get this sorted so you can enjoy the rest of your pregnancy.



#4 Kay1

Posted 18 January 2013 - 06:34 AM

Im so sorry to hear it OP. Definitely see your GP. This is a known issue for some people and there is help available.

#5 Koobie83

Posted 18 January 2013 - 07:16 AM

Pre Natal depression? Wow. That could be me. And while I'm sitting here I can feel movement so I know I'm being irrational. I guess what I've worked out why I'm more stressed is work. I can't do it anymore. I'm not interested in the BS that comes along with it when I'm focused on getting ready for the baby. My boss is really good but if I take time off she expects me to make up extra time for it. I've already exhausted my personal leave for appointments and things so any more time off I take to see a doctor will have to be unpaid.I think I will make an appointment with my GP. She's great bu she only works part time so it's really hard getting an appointment. I've seen other doctors at the clinic and bother one and they just aren't the same. And I'm a little intimidated by my midwife. I feel like I pester her too much with questions. I know that's what she's there for, but I just. Don't want to take her time away from other patients going into labour.
I'll definitely make an appointment with my Gp. I don't want this to develop into PND. I wonder if having a death in the family over Xmas made this worse too? Don't Know.

Thank you for your help and advice .



#6 Moo point

Posted 18 January 2013 - 07:24 AM

I'm so sorry you are feeling this way.

Yes, a recent bereavement will almost certainly be compounding things - I'm so sorry for your loss sad.gif

Please don't think you are a burden on your midwife - that is what they are there for! If you have phone contact with your midwife then please call her, she won't answer if she's with a labouring woman, don't think you are bothering her. She will want what's best for you, and may be able to refer you to someone. At the very least she should be aware of how you're feeling as she wants to ensure you have the healthiest pregnancy possible.

And I understand the work thing, I don't think I was very productive in my last trimester. Would you consider going on maternity leave a little earlier than planned? That may help. Best of luck.

#7 mumma_ox

Posted 18 January 2013 - 07:32 AM

Please get yourself some help.  Don't worry if you feel like what you are telling your care providers seems irrational...you need help and need to tell someone exactly how you feel.

Good luck, please take care of yourself.

#8 Natttmumm

Posted 18 January 2013 - 09:11 AM

I felt like that with my first. Would you consider doing a calm birth course.

Its helped me relax this time and accept pregnancy etc. Please consider its not just labour

#9 Natttmumm

Posted 18 January 2013 - 09:11 AM

I felt like that with my first. Would you consider doing a calm birth course.

Its helped me relax this time and accept pregnancy etc. Please consider its not just labour

#10 Koobie83

Posted 18 January 2013 - 10:50 AM

I would consider anything I think.

#11 Beancat

Posted 18 January 2013 - 11:09 AM

Definitely go see your GP.  My friend had pre natal depression and was put on lexapro

I am currently 24 weeks pregnant and have been on lexapro this whole pregnancy, but will be off it in a week or so.  I got PND with DD and then got pregnant when she was 6 months old and was told my ob it was safe to stay on the lexapro.  

I am sorted now but have been warned by my GP and ob that my axiety could start to rear its ugly head in the last couple of months.

It is normal to have a bit of anxiety in pregnancy but not so much that you feel terrible and not yourself.  Def go see your GP asap

#12 Koobie83

Posted 18 January 2013 - 11:12 AM

Yeah I think I need to. But she's only there on Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays which means I need time from work. And like I said before I have already had so much time off I don't have any leave...

#13 tanyak1

Posted 18 January 2013 - 11:13 AM

I know how you feel - I was the same for all 3 pregnancies, and it got worse with each one, I was a complete basket case for the last one. Couldn't wait for it to be over and worried and anxious about every possible thing.

Definitely see your GP, any help you can get will be worth it.

#14 Koobie83

Posted 18 January 2013 - 12:22 PM

I rang the midwives and I'm heading into the pregnancy assessment unit in about 30 minutes.  Wish me luck.
I'm going to be brave too and tell them honestly how I've been feeling. I think that's the only way I'm going to be able to work this one out.
Thanks for your help. Will update later.

#15 hanz33

Posted 18 January 2013 - 04:31 PM

QUOTE (Koobie83 @ 18/01/2013, 06:03 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Hi,I seriously think I'm losing it. I'm really not enjoying this pregnancy. I just want it to be over already. I can't handle people congratulating me because I'm not relaxed and enjoying it as most people expect I should be. Don't get me wrong. The only thing I've ever wanted is to be a mother and this baby was planned and I was really ecstatic about it in my first trimester. Then I had as small bleed which resolved thankfully. Ever since I've been an anxious stressed out mess worrying about one thing after the other. First it was watching for more bleeding, then worrying about what I was eating, then making sure I'm gaining enough weight because I don't seem to be getting very big. You would think the movements would make me relax - nope. This has made it worse because I'm watching for movement all day and if I don't feel any I'm ready to hyperventilate.I know this isn't good for the baby and I know she's fine. I just can't seem to listen to anyone when they remind me that everything is ok because my anxiety and fear take over and I can't listen. I suppose I need counseling right? I think I do because im tired of feeling this way. I'm tired of people wanting to talk about the baby all excitedly because I'm not excited. I'm a worried mess.Im so jealous of all you who can enjoy their pregnancies. I thought I would be the same but unfortunately no. I don't think I can do this again.


I had a miscarriage and I am finding it hard to enjoy this pregnancy when I have a fear of losing the baby for no apparent reason and even worse, having a baby with a defect. Go to counselling nobody will have the answers you need on here because it is such a personal journey.

#16 Diana_Barry

Posted 18 January 2013 - 04:40 PM

How did you go with the midwife OP?



#17 Koobie83

Posted 18 January 2013 - 05:57 PM

Update:-

So went into the hospital pregnancy assessment unit and met one of the midwives there. I had the doppler and the midwife found her to be down really low. I was put on a trace machine thingy for about an hour. She was moving a lot but I couldn't feel it. I only felt a few big kicks around the place when she was obviously getting quite cranky. I did a urine test too and that came back that I had blood in it, so it's getting tested further.

All in all it was very reassuring, especially when the doctor came in and said the baby's heart rate is excellent and her movement is great considering her gestation. They were very happy with it. I was too because feeling those reassuring kicks was great.

The MAIN issue = anxiety. The midwife was great. She told me that it's completely normal to feel anxious, but after I told her what I'd been through lately with my family and my work (have had a run in with a colleague where he basically isn't appreciative of my 'flippant' attitude lately. He didn't like my attitude when I told him that work isn't my first priority right now... geez i wonder why?) so she's going to have an Occupational Therapist contact me who will try to help me with my anxiety.

She told me to try to enjoy the pregnancy. What will be will be. It's no fun to be stressed out when I should be trying to enjoy my last few months of 'freedom'. All true. And I should be.

I honestly feel as though I need to take my maternity leave earlier. When I was on holiday I was fine, but now I'm back at work it seems to have got worse.

#18 miss_heidi

Posted 18 January 2013 - 06:33 PM

Hey, you're not alone.  Many women feel this way, i barely enjoyed my first trimester at all because i was so worried about everything.  It can take an effort to keep the anxiety in check, some of us are just natural worriers and find it harder to relax in these situations, where the stakes are high.

Its worth speaking to a counsellor.  Your hospital will probably have a free service you can access, there is nothing wrong with giving it a go.  What do you have to lose?  Lots to gain, nothing to lose really.  Prenatal depression happens too.  Your midwives are there to help you with this, thats what they do.  Its part of their job!

You're in a situation with many unknowns, and Im convinced that there is a whole movement out there intent on frightening the hell out of pregnant women.  

I hope you're ok, please take care ...



#19 indigogirl

Posted 18 January 2013 - 06:55 PM

I totally HATED my 2nd pregnancy and was not myself at all. The anxiety was excrutiating. I didnt get the help I needed at the time as I was really ashamed to admit what was really going on and then ended up with PND. So I am in full admiration of how you are talking to people about it! Good for you! I feel very sad for myself that I didnt as it robbed me and my baby of our pregnancy time.

Its officially being called "Perinatal Depression" now in recognition of how many women experience anxiety and depression during pregnancy not just after birth.

You can ring PANDA and speak to a counsellor there. They are so good. Really helpful.

I'm so sorry you have had a loss too. Pregnancy definitely magnifies all emotions! If you can afford to take leave early I would do anything you can to support yourself. Good luck with everything. You are clearly already on the road to being an awesome mum!

#20 Koobie83

Posted 19 January 2013 - 06:37 AM

Thank you... I hope I will be an awesome Mum. I can see myself already becoming like my mum - super anxious and worried about me all the time. I don't want to be TOO much like her!

#21 MrsLexiK

Posted 19 January 2013 - 07:04 AM

Glad yesterday went well!

#22 Silver Girl

Posted 19 January 2013 - 07:10 AM

Hi Koobie83, some great suggestions have been made on this thread. I second the suggestion to see a GP and/or a counsellor.

I'm an anxious and perfectionist Mum at times and my maternal/child nurse has been very helpful. She even runs a support group and a rhyme time singalong for new Mums with PND/anxiety.

Maybe you could get in touch with your council and meet your maternal child health nurse before you have the baby. These nurses have many resources at their fingertips to help you cope and adjust to life with your beautiful baby. All the best.

#23 Lees75

Posted 19 January 2013 - 08:08 AM

OP, I had ante-natal depression with both kids. Both times it started after bleeds at 6 weeks.  The first time it was very scary, as I didn't tell anyone until about 15 weeks, when I couldn't hold it in any longer and I bawled and bawled to XH. It was strange, but once I started talking about it, it was much easier to cope with.  With the 2nd pregnancy, it was probably more full on, to the point I was praying for a miscarriage, but because I knew what was happening it was easier to cope with.  As an Occupational Therapist myself, I employed all the anti-anxiety techniques I learnt at Uni to get me through it.

I was also very scared of developing post natal depression, particularly with a strong history of depression in my family, so XH and I were prepared for that as well, but it never eventuated, thankfully.

I hope you have a supportive husband to talk it through.  It does get better:) I hope you meet an awesome OT:)


#24 Nervy

Posted 19 January 2013 - 09:55 AM

Koobie, I hope you are ok :-)

i hate being pregnant, although I long for the baby so much with all my heart, the process for me is horrible also.

I worry and think about still birth and the baby dying every day. My movements in my first pregnancy were minimal and they have been minimal with this one too. My OB said it could be my 'perception' of the movements, what someone thinks is ALOT, I might think is not alot at all.

With my first i was at the hospital every other week getting the CTG thing on me up until the day i went into labour because i was so worried my baby had died. This time, I'm a bit better, but still let my thoughts run away with me.

I saw you sent your doppler back, i have one, I only use it when i need to, and for me, it helps, but everyone is different and when you are feeling so anxious you certainly dont need any tools to make it worse. So good on you.

I dont know what i really want to say, but please know you are not alone, im sure like you & i there are lots of other mums to be that are going through the same thing. My Ob said to me last week when i was mentioning my fears, that no-one knows when their time is up, but we cant live always fearing the worst. Sort of helped :-) Good luck with your pregnancy and before you know it, you will be holding a gorgeous baby girl in your arms x

#25 Koobie83

Posted 22 January 2013 - 10:46 AM

Thank you all for your empathy, encouragement and advice.
I'm taking it one day at a time again and even though those feelings try to creep up on me I am trying not to let them take over.
I got a call from the midwives at the hospital yesterday too checking up on everything and making sure I was ok and I have been feeling movements. It was so reassuring for them to tell me again that's it's perfectly ok for me to go up and see them anytime I'm feeling stressed out and worried biggrin.gif

Lees75 - He is supportive, at times. He can get me down as well which is stressing me. I don't know what's wrong with him. He's getting sorted for the baby and is being a good dad like that, but then he'll turn on me and blame me for falling pregnant too quickly (? the pregnancy was planned and it's not like he doesn't know what happens if you do this, that and the other happens!). Basically he tells me that I've mucked up his plans for this year. It's BS because we discussed it all and went through the financials and we can definitely afford for him to do what he wants to do before we TTC. It's just his personal choice not to go through with it. So I basically don't know what his plans are. One day it will be this, next day that... I'm sick of living in limbo like this.

Nervy - RE: Perception of movements. I think you hit the nail on the head. I think I was feeling movements the whole time, but what I think is nothing is probably what others think is more. In fact, I woke up on Saturday night really late because it was so hot and woke up to feeling her having a party in there! She was really kicking and moving around. It got me thinking that perhaps she is most active when I'm the least active - which I've heard is very common. So perhaps on those days I couldn't feel much she was up all night. I wonder if this is something she will continue after birth too? My parents have told me I hated sleeping at night time.

Me too - I want this baby more than anything, it's just the process I'm not so much of a fan of. If you had asked me on Friday whether I'd consider having another baby I could have told you without second thoughts never ever ever and would only consider if I adopted! Today, maybe. Give me a few years!

Edited by Koobie83, 22 January 2013 - 10:51 AM.





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