Jump to content

Help.


  • Please log in to reply
10 replies to this topic

#1 Totoro!

Posted 17 January 2013 - 09:32 PM

Heya,

After another hour or so of yelling at my 3 year old, Charlie, I really need some ideas about how to deal with bedtime.

My now 8 year old, Max, used to fall asleep in my arms after half an hour of cuddles and back stroking when he was little, (which I never used to find a chore because it was such a loving, special time) But putting Charlie to bed has turned into a yelling horror show and its killing me.

I hate that he only goes to sleep once I give up and scream at him. I hate that I was so happy to spend as long as it took to get Max to sleep, but I dread spending the same time on putting Charlie to bed.

I wish Charlie wanted cuddles but he never has, hes always too busy and has pushed me away since birth.

I've managed to stop feeling so rejected by him but I dont know how to stop yelling at bedtime. Im stuck in the belief that the only way to get him to listen is to scream. I feel like a freaking failure. We've done all the songs, books, stroking, nothing seems to work.

Ive also smacked him a few times which completely freaks me out and scares me. What a horrific way to put my boy to sleep. I'm heartbroken over this.

#2 CallMeFeral

Posted 17 January 2013 - 09:40 PM

What's his currency?

I've allowed DD to keep her dummies WAAAAY beyond their due date (she's 4!!!) just because that's her currency, so I can always go "ok, if you're not sleeping, hand over the dummies..."
DS doesn't have a currency but he hates being yelled at, so that's how it ends sometimes.

What's your DS's?

#3 L&E

Posted 17 January 2013 - 09:40 PM

Hi, getting stuck in cycles like that sucks.

My eldest would always want me to stay with him while he fell asleep, but the problem was he'd never fall asleep while I was there. I seemed to stimulate him too much even if I was laying there playing asleep! I'd lay for a while til he seemed drowsy, then tell him I had to go do something outside quickly and would come back in a second. Housework/toilet/dishes whatever. He'd then fall asleep after I'd left the room quite quickly. Sometimes he'd stay awake for over 10 minutes so I'd come back, sit or lay for another 5 and repeat.

Could that work? Just a thought.

#4 feralangel

Posted 17 January 2013 - 10:03 PM

I had a lot of problems getting my 2.5 year old to sleep, until relatively recently.

The magic formula for us is a bedtime story.

The deal is DD gets into bed, under the covers, head on the pillow, and it's "night, night" straight after the story.

We spend about 15 minutes on the story (a different picture book each evening) discussing the pictures, characters etc.

DD loves it! She has been sleeping from 7.30pm to 6.30am every night for the last 3 weeks.

No tears; no tantrums; just a very settled, happy child.

I'm loving it too, having quality time with her, with lots of cuddles.

I would urge you to try it.  Join a library so that you and your DS can choose the books together.

Good luck and let us know how you get on.

ETA - sorry OP. I've just re read your post. I see that you've already tried books. I hope that other posters can come up with alternative suggestions.

Edited by natangel, 17 January 2013 - 10:09 PM.


#5 treetree

Posted 17 January 2013 - 10:11 PM

Could you try stories on tape (or CD!)? I have doen the 'just lie here, I'll be back in a minute' thing a lot in the past, sometimes it works, other times not.

Some kids take longer than others to fall asleep. One of mine takes ages and another falls asleep incredibly easily (I am envious!) and the rest are somewhere in the middle. It's nothing to do with me, it's just how they've always been. It's just hot and miss to find out what helps them individually.

A night light (like a moving, swirly, hypnotising one), stories on tape, letting them stay up a half hour later, back rub, whispered stories, a fan, bribery, just keep trying, you'll get there!

#6 wildflowers

Posted 17 January 2013 - 10:19 PM

After I had read a book to my DD she would keep getting out of bed so I would pretend to fold all of her clothes in her drawers.  She would get so bored watching she would fall asleep.

#7 *Finn*

Posted 17 January 2013 - 11:00 PM

Arghhhh my 3 year old DS is killing me too at bed time.

If he has had a day sleep it can carry on till 9.30pm-10pm.
We have always read books, he likes several a night which is fine but he also likes to have a bottle still at night time. Which he will skull then yell out for another one.

I downloaded a few relaxation music cd's to help hil shut off but it's not completely working any more. Getting rid of a bottle is our Next step.


#8 YodaTheWrinkledOne

Posted 18 January 2013 - 07:46 AM

DD2 has been a bit like this.  I stopped yelling ages ago.  Now, if she comes out, DH and I simply say "Back to bed", pick her up (screaming and kicking) and take her back to bed, put her down, say nite nite and leave the room.  It's monotonous and boring, but it seems to work.  he first time, I think we carried her back to bed about 15+ times.  The second night, it was about 8 times.  The third night, it was twice.  She goes to bed well for a few nights (maybe a week?) and then she might start up again.  But she figures it out pretty quickly that we will just carry her back to bed with no conversation (that's the key, absolutely NO stimulation, no recognition of what they are doing).  She gets bored with it quickly.

Good luck.  It's totally frustrating and I get where you are coming from.

DD1 was much easier to put to bed once she was a toddler.  Oh, the good old days ....

#9 bonnybabe

Posted 18 January 2013 - 07:54 AM

we say 'you can stay in your bed, or sleep in the laundry. if you get out of bed you are telling me you want to sleep in the laundry'.  You then pick up their pillow and put it in the laundry and tell them to sleep there. When they don't want to, you send them back to their comfy bed.  You have to be prepared to follow through though.

#10 ReadySetRace

Posted 18 January 2013 - 08:04 AM

We do similar to PPs. DD2 doesn't have to go to sleep, she needs to be quiet and in her bed. She can play with her toys for an hour or more but if its quiet we don't care. If she yells or comes out, we are very boring, and just say quietly but firmlygo to bed, no noise. If she comes out again, we threaten to take teddy bear away so teddy can sleep. The next level is to have her sleep in the guest room which she hates.

It really takes the stress out if the evenings.  Neither of my bigDDs could fall asleep with us there touching them - its not everybody's thing.

#11 Maple Leaf

Posted 18 January 2013 - 08:04 AM

I take it you've tried the supernanny techniques?

I don't have any other advice, just that I'm so sorry. Bedtime battles are truly awful. sad.gif

Could your husband take a turn doing it so you can at least have a break? Maybe a new person trying will also break his routine up?




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Win $1000 with Sea-Bands!

Three lucky fans can win a Sea-Band prize pack valued at over $1000 each, which includes two Sea-Bands plus a $1000 Eftpos gift card!

Misery loves Facebook

Facebook users are often criticised for only showing the positive, fun parts of their lives. But what about when it swings the other way, when someone uses it for the purposes of ranting about their children all the time, never posting anything positive?

Toddler's adorable impersonation of pregnant mum

Little Ellis has noticed his mum is walking differently lately, and his impersonation of her is hilarious.

'Forgotten baby syndrome' can happen to any one of us

When my third child was two months old, I strapped her into her car seat, then promptly forgot all about her. But she survived, unharmed, because it was winter, and I was lucky.

Join the Real Mums Test Drive Team

Five mums or mums-to-be will join the EB Test Drive Team and discover great items at an exclusive Big W event. (Sydney only.)

Ten things I've learned about motherhood

Never take a good night's sleep for granted. There is no logic like toddler logic. Standing on Lego hurts every time. These are the truths of parenthood.

Parenting past the toddler years: what's next?

Your baby has grown into a toddler, and now your toddler is fast approaching the preschooler stage. What can you expect as a parent?

Tips on what to pack in your hospital bag

Before giving birth I read countless lists, ended up overpacking just a little, and now know what I'll actually want to pack next time.

New app keeps tabs on your kids at childcare

Popular new technology lets parents know what their children are up to at childcare - but not everyone is a fan.

21 things I love about newborns

There?s an irresistible magic about newborns. Of course they're not all smiles and rainbows, but they are undeniably cute and remarkable in so, so many ways.

Kid-friendly hairdressers: who says haircuts can?t be fun?

I?ve found some salons who boast setups ideal for children ? you name it, they?ve thought of it. All are designed to make haircuts fun rather than stressful.

Labour pain relief may reduce risk of postnatal depression: study

Postnatal depression is a complex condition, but researchers say pain relief during labour may help some women.

Why we need better support for men after miscarriage

In a recent study, 85 per cent of men admitted feeling sadness after their partner miscarried, but almost half said they didn't share their feelings at all. What can be done to help them?

Mum in business: Kristy Chong

Kristy Chong is the managing director of Australian-made Modibodi underwear and a mum to Lucas, 6, Jason, 4, and Isaac, 6 months. She shares her advice for other mums thinking about starting their own businesses.

From toddler to preschooler: a developmental roadmap

So your toddler is growing up and will soon be entering the preschooler years. Here are a few ways to frame their development that will help you understand what?s going in those beautiful, funny, clever little heads of theirs.

Mum sacrifices an eye for her unborn baby

Motherhood is full of sacrifices, but this woman has made a life-altering one - and her baby hasn't even been born.

A grandparent by any other name

A growing number of grandparents are shunning tradition and going against conventional names - but a grandparent by any other name still gives the same awesome cuddles and kisses.

Photographer captures the beauty of adoption

The love of a family is usually tough to capture on camera. This is an exception.

When labour just doesn't happen

After three healthy kids, I can?t help feeling I?ve been a little ripped off. I missed out on something I had always wanted to experience, and now I?ll never get the chance.

Be careful what you say, your baby is listening

The importance of speaking to your baby even if they are not old enough to answer back has been highlighted by new research.

Share the little things that make you smile

We're giving away a Mountain Buggy nano, the ultimate travel stroller - and here are some of the great entries so far.

Win a Mountain Buggy nano

We?re giving away the new Mountain Buggy Nano - the lightweight travel buggy! So show us the little things that make you smile for your chance to win.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Win a Mountain Buggy nano

We?re giving away the new Mountain Buggy Nano - the lightweight travel buggy! So show us the little things that make you smile for your chance to win.

Be careful what you say, your baby is listening

The importance of speaking to your baby even if they are not old enough to answer back has been highlighted by new research.

Win $1000 with Sea-Bands!

Three lucky fans can win a Sea-Band prize pack valued at over $1000 each, which includes two Sea-Bands plus a $1000 Eftpos gift card!

The beautiful moment a baby was born at the side of a road

It's not where she expected to give birth, but mum Corrine Cinatl is delighted that her daughter's roadside arrival was captured in a series of beautiful photos.

Doctor sings first Happy Birthday to newborns

His job is to deliver babies, but this US obstetrician also has a unique way of celebrating the miracle of life.

Join the Real Mums Test Drive Team

Five mums or mums-to-be will join the EB Test Drive Team and discover great items at an exclusive Big W event. (Sydney only.)

The Nappy Collective starts new drive

It's that time of year when the dedicated volunteers at The Nappy Collective do their bit to help out mums and children in need - and they need your help.

Baby shower cake wrecks

From misshapen cake babies to questionable text, from odd colour choices to internal organ recreation, these are the baby shower cakes that taste forgot.

Photographer captures the beauty of adoption

The love of a family is usually tough to capture on camera. This is an exception.

Pregnancy progression photo ideas

Want to record your pregnancy as your belly grows? Here are some creative, fun ideas for photo shoots along the way.

The myths and facts about "normal" breastfeeding

When it comes to successful breastfeeding, there is a wide variety to what is "normal", according to new research.

Tin can craft and DIY ideas

Got a few old formula, Milo or coffee cans around the house? Use these fantastic upcycling ideas to create items for around the house and yard.

Dads meet their newborn for the first time

Emotional photos of two fathers meeting their newborn son have resonated with viewers worldwide, attracting thousands of Facebook likes and shares.

Skin safety isn't just a summer worry

Lax about the slip slop slap with your kids as weather turns cooler? Here's a reminder as to why we have to remain vigilant for our children?s future health.

Personalised baby gifts

We've scoured the internet to find gorgeous personalised keepsakes and nursery decor to record baby name and dates. They make great gifts for christenings, name days and birthdays! (All prices in AU.)

Creative sleeping baby photoshoots

See how some parents and photographers have captured sleeping babies in unusual positions and using different props.

DIY kitchen and food hacks

DIY your way to a better kitchen and make cooking easier with our clever hacks. (Some content reproduced with permission from mashable.com.)

Winter warmers for babies and toddlers

Your baby or toddler will be nice and snug in these beautiful and fun winter pieces. Most are hand-made or knitted, and they're all designed to keep your little one toastie - and adorable!

 

Mind, body, beauty, life

Making time for me

We look at your wellbeing, covering health, relationships, beauty and fashion, mind and body.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.