Jump to content

Help.


  • Please log in to reply
10 replies to this topic

#1 Totoro!

Posted 17 January 2013 - 09:32 PM

Heya,

After another hour or so of yelling at my 3 year old, Charlie, I really need some ideas about how to deal with bedtime.

My now 8 year old, Max, used to fall asleep in my arms after half an hour of cuddles and back stroking when he was little, (which I never used to find a chore because it was such a loving, special time) But putting Charlie to bed has turned into a yelling horror show and its killing me.

I hate that he only goes to sleep once I give up and scream at him. I hate that I was so happy to spend as long as it took to get Max to sleep, but I dread spending the same time on putting Charlie to bed.

I wish Charlie wanted cuddles but he never has, hes always too busy and has pushed me away since birth.

I've managed to stop feeling so rejected by him but I dont know how to stop yelling at bedtime. Im stuck in the belief that the only way to get him to listen is to scream. I feel like a freaking failure. We've done all the songs, books, stroking, nothing seems to work.

Ive also smacked him a few times which completely freaks me out and scares me. What a horrific way to put my boy to sleep. I'm heartbroken over this.

#2 CallMeFeral

Posted 17 January 2013 - 09:40 PM

What's his currency?

I've allowed DD to keep her dummies WAAAAY beyond their due date (she's 4!!!) just because that's her currency, so I can always go "ok, if you're not sleeping, hand over the dummies..."
DS doesn't have a currency but he hates being yelled at, so that's how it ends sometimes.

What's your DS's?

#3 L&E

Posted 17 January 2013 - 09:40 PM

Hi, getting stuck in cycles like that sucks.

My eldest would always want me to stay with him while he fell asleep, but the problem was he'd never fall asleep while I was there. I seemed to stimulate him too much even if I was laying there playing asleep! I'd lay for a while til he seemed drowsy, then tell him I had to go do something outside quickly and would come back in a second. Housework/toilet/dishes whatever. He'd then fall asleep after I'd left the room quite quickly. Sometimes he'd stay awake for over 10 minutes so I'd come back, sit or lay for another 5 and repeat.

Could that work? Just a thought.

#4 feralangel

Posted 17 January 2013 - 10:03 PM

I had a lot of problems getting my 2.5 year old to sleep, until relatively recently.

The magic formula for us is a bedtime story.

The deal is DD gets into bed, under the covers, head on the pillow, and it's "night, night" straight after the story.

We spend about 15 minutes on the story (a different picture book each evening) discussing the pictures, characters etc.

DD loves it! She has been sleeping from 7.30pm to 6.30am every night for the last 3 weeks.

No tears; no tantrums; just a very settled, happy child.

I'm loving it too, having quality time with her, with lots of cuddles.

I would urge you to try it.  Join a library so that you and your DS can choose the books together.

Good luck and let us know how you get on.

ETA - sorry OP. I've just re read your post. I see that you've already tried books. I hope that other posters can come up with alternative suggestions.

Edited by natangel, 17 January 2013 - 10:09 PM.


#5 treetree

Posted 17 January 2013 - 10:11 PM

Could you try stories on tape (or CD!)? I have doen the 'just lie here, I'll be back in a minute' thing a lot in the past, sometimes it works, other times not.

Some kids take longer than others to fall asleep. One of mine takes ages and another falls asleep incredibly easily (I am envious!) and the rest are somewhere in the middle. It's nothing to do with me, it's just how they've always been. It's just hot and miss to find out what helps them individually.

A night light (like a moving, swirly, hypnotising one), stories on tape, letting them stay up a half hour later, back rub, whispered stories, a fan, bribery, just keep trying, you'll get there!

#6 wildflowers

Posted 17 January 2013 - 10:19 PM

After I had read a book to my DD she would keep getting out of bed so I would pretend to fold all of her clothes in her drawers.  She would get so bored watching she would fall asleep.

#7 *Finn*

Posted 17 January 2013 - 11:00 PM

Arghhhh my 3 year old DS is killing me too at bed time.

If he has had a day sleep it can carry on till 9.30pm-10pm.
We have always read books, he likes several a night which is fine but he also likes to have a bottle still at night time. Which he will skull then yell out for another one.

I downloaded a few relaxation music cd's to help hil shut off but it's not completely working any more. Getting rid of a bottle is our Next step.


#8 YodaTheWrinkledOne

Posted 18 January 2013 - 07:46 AM

DD2 has been a bit like this.  I stopped yelling ages ago.  Now, if she comes out, DH and I simply say "Back to bed", pick her up (screaming and kicking) and take her back to bed, put her down, say nite nite and leave the room.  It's monotonous and boring, but it seems to work.  he first time, I think we carried her back to bed about 15+ times.  The second night, it was about 8 times.  The third night, it was twice.  She goes to bed well for a few nights (maybe a week?) and then she might start up again.  But she figures it out pretty quickly that we will just carry her back to bed with no conversation (that's the key, absolutely NO stimulation, no recognition of what they are doing).  She gets bored with it quickly.

Good luck.  It's totally frustrating and I get where you are coming from.

DD1 was much easier to put to bed once she was a toddler.  Oh, the good old days ....

#9 bonnybabe

Posted 18 January 2013 - 07:54 AM

we say 'you can stay in your bed, or sleep in the laundry. if you get out of bed you are telling me you want to sleep in the laundry'.  You then pick up their pillow and put it in the laundry and tell them to sleep there. When they don't want to, you send them back to their comfy bed.  You have to be prepared to follow through though.

#10 ReadySetRace

Posted 18 January 2013 - 08:04 AM

We do similar to PPs. DD2 doesn't have to go to sleep, she needs to be quiet and in her bed. She can play with her toys for an hour or more but if its quiet we don't care. If she yells or comes out, we are very boring, and just say quietly but firmlygo to bed, no noise. If she comes out again, we threaten to take teddy bear away so teddy can sleep. The next level is to have her sleep in the guest room which she hates.

It really takes the stress out if the evenings.  Neither of my bigDDs could fall asleep with us there touching them - its not everybody's thing.

#11 Maple Leaf

Posted 18 January 2013 - 08:04 AM

I take it you've tried the supernanny techniques?

I don't have any other advice, just that I'm so sorry. Bedtime battles are truly awful. sad.gif

Could your husband take a turn doing it so you can at least have a break? Maybe a new person trying will also break his routine up?




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Share the little things that make you smile

We're giving away a Mountain Buggy nano, the ultimate travel stroller - and here are some of the great entries so far.

Toddler pleads for return of "stolen" nose

A two-year-old's reaction to a game of "got your nose" shows it doesn't take much to make a toddler cry.

The 15 photos new parents share (and five they don't)

From the first scan photo to the baby covered in cake at their first birthday party, there are 15 photos most parents seem to share - and some they don't.

Doctor sings first Happy Birthday to newborns

His job is to deliver babies, but this US obstetrician also has a unique way of celebrating the miracle of life.

Breastfeeding friendly café goes viral

A photo of a breastfeeding-friendly sign in a cafe has been posted to Facebook and shared by hundreds of mums around the world.

First look at the Bugaboo Bee3

The newest Bugaboo Bee ? the Bee3 ? offers a variety of improved features, including a much asked-for bassinet and a rainbow of colour combinations.

Childcare costs, not paid leave, the real issue for parents

Given the choice between maintaining their wage for six months to have a child, or having a reduced rate of pay for a time but a better deal on childcare when returning to work, there are no odds on what most working parents would choose.

Win a Mountain Buggy nano

We?re giving away the new Mountain Buggy Nano - the lightweight travel buggy! So show us the little things that make you smile for your chance to win.

We lost three babies in two years

Our first pregnancy ended the way we all expected it to - with a healthy, happy baby in our arms. What a true blessing he was, for we were not to know the heartache we were about endure.

Family turned back from doomed flight MH17

'There must have been someone watching over us and saying, 'You must not get on that flight,' says mother who narrowly avoided boarding the Malaysian Airlines flight which exploded in mid-air over the Ukraine last night.

The myths and facts about "normal" breastfeeding

When it comes to successful breastfeeding, there is a wide variety to what is "normal", according to new research.

Adorable Skeanie loafers for kids

Your little toddler or preschooler can now get their nautical on with a new range of classic loafers by Australian show brand Skeanie.

My baby is hypermobile

For months, I have been telling myself not to worry that Jasmin isn't crawling or walking. This week I heard the term hypermobile for the first time.

When you don?t bond with your baby

They say that there is no bond greater than the bond between a mother and her child. But for some women, the mother-baby bond takes more time and effort to develop.

Yumi Stynes: Having a baby after a 10-year break

After a long break, Yumi Stynes gets a reminder of the pain - and the pleasure - of giving birth.

Grieving father asks for help to Photoshop his daughter's image

When Nathan Steffel's daughter Sophia died from a liver condition at just 6 weeks old, he reached out for someone to create a beautiful image of his little girl.

Raising kids in a 'low media' home

Can you imagine a life without TV or computers? Some parents are opting for a low-tech, screen-free life for their kids.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Win a Mountain Buggy nano

We?re giving away the new Mountain Buggy Nano - the lightweight travel buggy! So show us the little things that make you smile for your chance to win.

Be careful what you say, your baby is listening

The importance of speaking to your baby even if they are not old enough to answer back has been highlighted by new research.

WIN two Sea-Bands plus $1000

Three lucky fans can win a Sea-Band Prize Pack valued at over $1000 each, which includes two Sea-Bands plus a $1000 Eftpos Gift Card!

The beautiful moment a baby was born at the side of a road

It's not where she expected to give birth, but mum Corrine Cinatl is delighted that her daughter's roadside arrival was captured in a series of beautiful photos.

Doctor sings first Happy Birthday to newborns

His job is to deliver babies, but this US obstetrician also has a unique way of celebrating the miracle of life.

The Nappy Collective starts new drive

It's that time of year when the dedicated volunteers at The Nappy Collective do their bit to help out mums and children in need - and they need your help.

Baby shower cake wrecks

From misshapen cake babies to questionable text, from odd colour choices to internal organ recreation, these are the baby shower cakes that taste forgot.

Photographer captures the beauty of adoption

The love of a family is usually tough to capture on camera. This is an exception.

Pregnancy progression photo ideas

Want to record your pregnancy as your belly grows? Here are some creative, fun ideas for photo shoots along the way.

The myths and facts about "normal" breastfeeding

When it comes to successful breastfeeding, there is a wide variety to what is "normal", according to new research.

Tin can craft and DIY ideas

Got a few old formula, Milo or coffee cans around the house? Use these fantastic upcycling ideas to create items for around the house and yard.

Dads meet their newborn for the first time

Emotional photos of two fathers meeting their newborn son have resonated with viewers worldwide, attracting thousands of Facebook likes and shares.

Skin safety isn't just a summer worry

Lax about the slip slop slap with your kids as weather turns cooler? Here's a reminder as to why we have to remain vigilant for our children?s future health.

Personalised baby gifts

We've scoured the internet to find gorgeous personalised keepsakes and nursery decor to record baby name and dates. They make great gifts for christenings, name days and birthdays! (All prices in AU.)

Creative sleeping baby photoshoots

See how some parents and photographers have captured sleeping babies in unusual positions and using different props.

DIY kitchen and food hacks

DIY your way to a better kitchen and make cooking easier with our clever hacks. (Some content reproduced with permission from mashable.com.)

Winter warmers for babies and toddlers

Your baby or toddler will be nice and snug in these beautiful and fun winter pieces. Most are hand-made or knitted, and they're all designed to keep your little one toastie - and adorable!

 

Mind, body, beauty, life

Making time for me

We look at your wellbeing, covering health, relationships, beauty and fashion, mind and body.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.