Jump to content

Don't want to babysit!


  • Please log in to reply
21 replies to this topic

#1 littlesticky

Posted 17 January 2013 - 06:59 PM

I have a friend with 2 little ones under 2. She has been a great help when my baby came, sharing her experience and lots of baby items for which I am so grateful. She recently asked me to babysit for a night and I feel obliged to do so. I have an 8 month old so DH will look after her, and I'll go over to look after her 2. But I really don't want to. I still have to get up multiple times per night for my bub, and I have to work the next day. And I feel like once I say yes once it'll set a precedent and she'll keep asking (she's brought it up previously, as a reciprocal thing, so she'll babysit mine -bub will have to sleep at her house- and we never go out anyway). I told her I have to work the next day and she kind of brushed it off and said they'll be back by 11 (I can guarantee this won't be the case). What else can I do?

#2 Feral-as-Meggs

Posted 17 January 2013 - 07:03 PM

Do it once (since she helped you) and then if she asks again say you wound up being too tired.

#3 FeralAlpacaWarrior

Posted 17 January 2013 - 07:07 PM

Just say no, you can't have a late night before work, and if she offers to babysit to pay you back, just tell her you don't need it thanks. Unless you think you will want to go to an event in the near future and would like her to babysit, I would just politely say no. If she pushes the point, she's being rude.

#4 Beancat

Posted 17 January 2013 - 07:08 PM

I may have read this wrong, but you have to go to her house to babysit her kid when when she reciprocates your child has to go there?  Doesnt seem fair.  Why can her child come to your house?  Would this be easier for you?

#5 Jjbeanz

Posted 17 January 2013 - 07:09 PM

She sounds a bit selfish to me, I would never ask a friend to do that especially when you have a baby yourself and working!

#6 katpaws

Posted 17 January 2013 - 07:16 PM

Why can't your partner do it? Then you could stay home and get an early night.





#7 littlesticky

Posted 17 January 2013 - 07:26 PM

Yeah I suggested DH do it but she doesn't trust him to do a good job. Being so close to the date I think I'll do it once and say it was too much as PP suggested. Thanks for the brainstorm. I wouldn't want her 2 at my place, they're hard to settle and I'll wake my hard to settle bub.

#8 newkie

Posted 17 January 2013 - 07:30 PM

Perhaps do it this one time, but let her know that you don't feel comfortable leaving your own little one yet, so could you maybe postpone anymore babysitting with reciprocal right for another year or so. I'd hate for you to burn your bridges at this early stage, because I can guarantee you there will be a point in time where you will want to make use of her offer to babysit.

I let no one babysit any of my four kids until they were more like 14/15 months and had some communication skills that others could interpret.

#9 CallMeFeral

Posted 17 January 2013 - 07:35 PM

Say you could do it some time on a weekend, if her kids come over to yours. She can come over, get them to bed, and then head off.

Say sorry but you are still waking up multiple times a night and cannot babysit when you have work the next day.

A reciprocal thing is very handy if BOTH people want it. If you don't... make it inconvenient enough for her that she won't either... wink.gif


#10 Soontobegran

Posted 17 January 2013 - 07:42 PM

I don't know but I think I'd prefer to look after the child in their own home. More likely to go to sleep in their familiar bed and you can have a snooze on the couch without feeling you should be doing anything around your house, leave all that to your DH.
I think it is nice to have reciprocated baby sitting and she sounds very helpful to you.
I'd do it OP, if it becomes a too regular request then I would have the chat to her.
Hope it works out ok.

#11 luke's mummu

Posted 17 January 2013 - 07:43 PM

I would say no, not when I have to work the next day. I would say there's no way I want to risk being tired and making a mistake and loosing my job. Then change the subject quickly.

#12 nessrose

Posted 17 January 2013 - 08:08 PM

I would say yes. Mainly because we don't have that much of a support network around.

I think it is great having friends you can fall back on for help when you need it. Sounds like a great opportunity to me.

#13 SusieGreen

Posted 17 January 2013 - 08:12 PM

I would do it. Friendship is a two way street and it sounds like she's been a good friend to you.

Then, don't say yes again if that's how you feel.


#14 YodaTheWrinkledOne

Posted 17 January 2013 - 08:14 PM

QUOTE (meggs1 @ 17/01/2013, 07:03 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Do it once (since she helped you) and then if she asks again say you wound up being too tired.

I'd do this.

#15 epl0822

Posted 17 January 2013 - 08:18 PM

Reciprocal babysitting is great, but only if you're both happy with it. Yes, friendship is a two way street but you shouldn't feel guilt tripped into doing something that makes you so uncomfortable. It's a big ask to expect a tired mum of 8 month old to babysit two little ones under two, having to leave DH with her own baby. Maybe you can meet her halfway and say you're happy to babysit one of the children if they come over to your house. Honestly, I think it's a big ask of ANYONE to babysit two little ones under two.

There are many other ways of paying her back for her support. It will be easier to babysit once the kids are older and they can come over to your place. I have lovely friends who volunteered to babysit my DS and I feel comfortable asking them. But I never want a friend to feel obliged if they are unwilling.

#16 PrizzyII

Posted 18 January 2013 - 08:20 AM

Be careful you don't get caught being on call like me. Friends and I shared before and after school care, I haven't needed help in that area for 3 years now but I'm still called upon at least once a week and during holidays to babysit, drive their kids to activities and pick them up and then drive them to their grandparents house who take over the babysitting role after me.  unsure.gif Even when I say I'm busy or working they just push through, "Oh that's ok, the kids can go with you to work" or the best one a week and a bit ago was "Well, I've got tix to the cricket so if you can't take them today then we'll have to cancel so please just help out". Beware the babysitting cycle - its hard to get out of OP, believe me.

#17 Rachaelxxx

Posted 18 January 2013 - 09:01 AM

I've been in this situation before and it is hard to say no to a friend.  Do it this once and then make an excuse going forward.

#18 Therese

Posted 18 January 2013 - 09:04 AM

QUOTE (meggs1 @ 17/01/2013, 08:03 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Do it once (since she helped you) and then if she asks again say you wound up being too tired.


That is what I would do too.

#19 mumofsky

Posted 18 January 2013 - 09:07 AM

Id never ever ask a friend who was working the next day to babysit even til 9pm! not a chance..

#20 Holidayromp

Posted 18 January 2013 - 09:11 AM

To the pp about the cricket - I would have said tough I have already made plans or made up some excuse not to.  

Anyway I would do it the once so you are even and don't let her look after your LO again.  It is a vastly different kettle of fish being Mum to a non-sleeping hard to settle baby and then expected to look after two children afterwards whilst holding down a job.  I would offer up your DH again and just say I cannot do it - it is a work night and I cannot stay up so late.  

Also she may say she will be home by 11pm but I have my doubts.

QUOTE (PrizzyII @ 18/01/2013, 09:20 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Be careful you don't get caught being on call like me. Friends and I shared before and after school care, I haven't needed help in that area for 3 years now but I'm still called upon at least once a week and during holidays to babysit, drive their kids to activities and pick them up and then drive them to their grandparents house who take over the babysitting role after me.  unsure.gif Even when I say I'm busy or working they just push through, "Oh that's ok, the kids can go with you to work" or the best one a week and a bit ago was "Well, I've got tix to the cricket so if you can't take them today then we'll have to cancel so please just help out". Beware the babysitting cycle - its hard to get out of OP, believe me.


Just say no - they are not your kids and therefore not your problem.  People like that take the p*ss and are actually using you.

#21 CallMeFeral

Posted 18 January 2013 - 09:47 AM

QUOTE (PrizzyII @ 18/01/2013, 09:20 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Be careful you don't get caught being on call like me. Friends and I shared before and after school care, I haven't needed help in that area for 3 years now but I'm still called upon at least once a week and during holidays to babysit, drive their kids to activities and pick them up and then drive them to their grandparents house who take over the babysitting role after me.  unsure.gif Even when I say I'm busy or working they just push through, "Oh that's ok, the kids can go with you to work" or the best one a week and a bit ago was "Well, I've got tix to the cricket so if you can't take them today then we'll have to cancel so please just help out". Beware the babysitting cycle - its hard to get out of OP, believe me.


I read so many posts like this here and wonder "wtf wouldn't they just say no???"

On other days, I wish I were pushy and manipulative enough to do that stuff, there are obviously a lot of people who fall for it, I could get so much stuff done for me!

#22 Heather11

Posted 18 January 2013 - 10:10 AM

QUOTE
"Well, I've got tix to the cricket so if you can't take them today then we'll have to cancel so please just help out".


Well unless the cricket is a sellout, which I doubt any of them have been then I would of told her to take the kids with her.

I would of just not been home when they were to be dropped off then she would of had to take them.




0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

'My mum doesn't seem that interested in my baby'

Q: My mother and I have always been close, but now that I have a baby, she has not helped out as much as I thought she would.

This mum has donated over 2,000 litres of breast milk

The mother-of-two was diagnosed with hyper-lactation.

New guidelines: "Bottle-feeding mums need support too"

Breast is best, but mums who can't, or choose not to breastfeed need support too.

Call to teach kids about breastfeeding at school

The aim is to increase breastfeeding rates and reduce stigma.

Dads also struggle to 'have it all', study finds

Men and women both experience work-family conflict.

'Working for nothing': Childcare crisis pushes Sydney parents to the brink

Most parents are experiencing substantial difficulties with the financial burden and lack of availability of childcare, as costs have more than doubled for some families in just over a decade.

Language development may start in the womb

Study found babies can recognise foreign languages before birth.

Paying $2.50 for a babycino? This is why...

Aren't babycinos just a bit of froth? Not so, it seems...

I'm a stay-at-home mum who's an awful housewife

"Hey, come here a second," my mum said as she replaced the book in my hands with a wooden spoon covered in what I prayed was red sauce. Together, we walked into the kitchen and hovered over the skillet like we were peering into a crystal ball. Looking into my future, I saw me eating a lot of take away.

 
Advertisement
 

Top 5 Articles

Advertisement
 
 
 

From our network

Five things you need to know about flu and pregnancy

As the 2017 flu season begins in earnest, here?s what you need to know to protect yourself and baby.

Mum tips to keep your pre-baby budget in check

Money might be funny in a rich man's world (or so ABBA told us), but for the rest of us it's a major consideration – particularly before having a baby.

5 easy ways to make your maternity leave last longer

Maternity leave is a special time for you, your partner and your new little bundle. The last thing you want is for financial worries to stand in the way of that joy.

10 ways to keep your 'buying for baby' costs down

Becoming a parent is full of surprises – not least of all finding out that, for such small beings, babies cause a lot of chaos and expense.

5 ways to prepare to go from two incomes to one

Here are some ideas for getting that budget in shape, ready for being a one income family.

 

Baby Names

Need some ideas?

See what names are trending this year.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.