Jump to content

Don't want to babysit!


  • Please log in to reply
21 replies to this topic

#1 littlesticky

Posted 17 January 2013 - 06:59 PM

I have a friend with 2 little ones under 2. She has been a great help when my baby came, sharing her experience and lots of baby items for which I am so grateful. She recently asked me to babysit for a night and I feel obliged to do so. I have an 8 month old so DH will look after her, and I'll go over to look after her 2. But I really don't want to. I still have to get up multiple times per night for my bub, and I have to work the next day. And I feel like once I say yes once it'll set a precedent and she'll keep asking (she's brought it up previously, as a reciprocal thing, so she'll babysit mine -bub will have to sleep at her house- and we never go out anyway). I told her I have to work the next day and she kind of brushed it off and said they'll be back by 11 (I can guarantee this won't be the case). What else can I do?

#2 Feral-as-Meggs

Posted 17 January 2013 - 07:03 PM

Do it once (since she helped you) and then if she asks again say you wound up being too tired.

#3 FeralAlpacasFool

Posted 17 January 2013 - 07:07 PM

Just say no, you can't have a late night before work, and if she offers to babysit to pay you back, just tell her you don't need it thanks. Unless you think you will want to go to an event in the near future and would like her to babysit, I would just politely say no. If she pushes the point, she's being rude.

#4 Beancat

Posted 17 January 2013 - 07:08 PM

I may have read this wrong, but you have to go to her house to babysit her kid when when she reciprocates your child has to go there?  Doesnt seem fair.  Why can her child come to your house?  Would this be easier for you?

#5 Jjbeanz

Posted 17 January 2013 - 07:09 PM

She sounds a bit selfish to me, I would never ask a friend to do that especially when you have a baby yourself and working!

#6 katpaws

Posted 17 January 2013 - 07:16 PM

Why can't your partner do it? Then you could stay home and get an early night.





#7 littlesticky

Posted 17 January 2013 - 07:26 PM

Yeah I suggested DH do it but she doesn't trust him to do a good job. Being so close to the date I think I'll do it once and say it was too much as PP suggested. Thanks for the brainstorm. I wouldn't want her 2 at my place, they're hard to settle and I'll wake my hard to settle bub.

#8 newkie

Posted 17 January 2013 - 07:30 PM

Perhaps do it this one time, but let her know that you don't feel comfortable leaving your own little one yet, so could you maybe postpone anymore babysitting with reciprocal right for another year or so. I'd hate for you to burn your bridges at this early stage, because I can guarantee you there will be a point in time where you will want to make use of her offer to babysit.

I let no one babysit any of my four kids until they were more like 14/15 months and had some communication skills that others could interpret.

#9 CallMeFeral

Posted 17 January 2013 - 07:35 PM

Say you could do it some time on a weekend, if her kids come over to yours. She can come over, get them to bed, and then head off.

Say sorry but you are still waking up multiple times a night and cannot babysit when you have work the next day.

A reciprocal thing is very handy if BOTH people want it. If you don't... make it inconvenient enough for her that she won't either... wink.gif


#10 Soontobegran

Posted 17 January 2013 - 07:42 PM

I don't know but I think I'd prefer to look after the child in their own home. More likely to go to sleep in their familiar bed and you can have a snooze on the couch without feeling you should be doing anything around your house, leave all that to your DH.
I think it is nice to have reciprocated baby sitting and she sounds very helpful to you.
I'd do it OP, if it becomes a too regular request then I would have the chat to her.
Hope it works out ok.

#11 luke's mummu

Posted 17 January 2013 - 07:43 PM

I would say no, not when I have to work the next day. I would say there's no way I want to risk being tired and making a mistake and loosing my job. Then change the subject quickly.

#12 nessrose

Posted 17 January 2013 - 08:08 PM

I would say yes. Mainly because we don't have that much of a support network around.

I think it is great having friends you can fall back on for help when you need it. Sounds like a great opportunity to me.

#13 SusieGreen

Posted 17 January 2013 - 08:12 PM

I would do it. Friendship is a two way street and it sounds like she's been a good friend to you.

Then, don't say yes again if that's how you feel.


#14 YodaTheWrinkledOne

Posted 17 January 2013 - 08:14 PM

QUOTE (meggs1 @ 17/01/2013, 07:03 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Do it once (since she helped you) and then if she asks again say you wound up being too tired.

I'd do this.

#15 epl0822

Posted 17 January 2013 - 08:18 PM

Reciprocal babysitting is great, but only if you're both happy with it. Yes, friendship is a two way street but you shouldn't feel guilt tripped into doing something that makes you so uncomfortable. It's a big ask to expect a tired mum of 8 month old to babysit two little ones under two, having to leave DH with her own baby. Maybe you can meet her halfway and say you're happy to babysit one of the children if they come over to your house. Honestly, I think it's a big ask of ANYONE to babysit two little ones under two.

There are many other ways of paying her back for her support. It will be easier to babysit once the kids are older and they can come over to your place. I have lovely friends who volunteered to babysit my DS and I feel comfortable asking them. But I never want a friend to feel obliged if they are unwilling.

#16 PrizzyII

Posted 18 January 2013 - 08:20 AM

Be careful you don't get caught being on call like me. Friends and I shared before and after school care, I haven't needed help in that area for 3 years now but I'm still called upon at least once a week and during holidays to babysit, drive their kids to activities and pick them up and then drive them to their grandparents house who take over the babysitting role after me.  unsure.gif Even when I say I'm busy or working they just push through, "Oh that's ok, the kids can go with you to work" or the best one a week and a bit ago was "Well, I've got tix to the cricket so if you can't take them today then we'll have to cancel so please just help out". Beware the babysitting cycle - its hard to get out of OP, believe me.

#17 Rachaelxxx

Posted 18 January 2013 - 09:01 AM

I've been in this situation before and it is hard to say no to a friend.  Do it this once and then make an excuse going forward.

#18 Therese

Posted 18 January 2013 - 09:04 AM

QUOTE (meggs1 @ 17/01/2013, 08:03 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Do it once (since she helped you) and then if she asks again say you wound up being too tired.


That is what I would do too.

#19 mumofsky

Posted 18 January 2013 - 09:07 AM

Id never ever ask a friend who was working the next day to babysit even til 9pm! not a chance..

#20 Holidayromp

Posted 18 January 2013 - 09:11 AM

To the pp about the cricket - I would have said tough I have already made plans or made up some excuse not to.  

Anyway I would do it the once so you are even and don't let her look after your LO again.  It is a vastly different kettle of fish being Mum to a non-sleeping hard to settle baby and then expected to look after two children afterwards whilst holding down a job.  I would offer up your DH again and just say I cannot do it - it is a work night and I cannot stay up so late.  

Also she may say she will be home by 11pm but I have my doubts.

QUOTE (PrizzyII @ 18/01/2013, 09:20 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Be careful you don't get caught being on call like me. Friends and I shared before and after school care, I haven't needed help in that area for 3 years now but I'm still called upon at least once a week and during holidays to babysit, drive their kids to activities and pick them up and then drive them to their grandparents house who take over the babysitting role after me.  unsure.gif Even when I say I'm busy or working they just push through, "Oh that's ok, the kids can go with you to work" or the best one a week and a bit ago was "Well, I've got tix to the cricket so if you can't take them today then we'll have to cancel so please just help out". Beware the babysitting cycle - its hard to get out of OP, believe me.


Just say no - they are not your kids and therefore not your problem.  People like that take the p*ss and are actually using you.

#21 CallMeFeral

Posted 18 January 2013 - 09:47 AM

QUOTE (PrizzyII @ 18/01/2013, 09:20 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Be careful you don't get caught being on call like me. Friends and I shared before and after school care, I haven't needed help in that area for 3 years now but I'm still called upon at least once a week and during holidays to babysit, drive their kids to activities and pick them up and then drive them to their grandparents house who take over the babysitting role after me.  unsure.gif Even when I say I'm busy or working they just push through, "Oh that's ok, the kids can go with you to work" or the best one a week and a bit ago was "Well, I've got tix to the cricket so if you can't take them today then we'll have to cancel so please just help out". Beware the babysitting cycle - its hard to get out of OP, believe me.


I read so many posts like this here and wonder "wtf wouldn't they just say no???"

On other days, I wish I were pushy and manipulative enough to do that stuff, there are obviously a lot of people who fall for it, I could get so much stuff done for me!

#22 Heather11

Posted 18 January 2013 - 10:10 AM

QUOTE
"Well, I've got tix to the cricket so if you can't take them today then we'll have to cancel so please just help out".


Well unless the cricket is a sellout, which I doubt any of them have been then I would of told her to take the kids with her.

I would of just not been home when they were to be dropped off then she would of had to take them.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Win a Mountain Buggy Swift

To celebrate Essential Baby reaching half a million Facebook fans, we have a Mountain Buggy Swift to giveaway to a lucky fan.

Shopping with kids: breaking the pester-power cycle

You're out shopping with your little one and they're incessantly whining that they want a treat. It's easy to say no ... the first time, at least.

eBay jacket may hold clue to murdered girl's identity

A jacket similar to the one found with the remains of a brutally murdered little girl in South Australia has been identified on eBay.

New mum forced back to work early due to paid parental leave 'technicality'

Shelley Parker had to keep driving buses until the date her baby was due and will have to rush back to work at the end of this week after being denied paid parental leave on a "technicality".

Pregnant Amanda Palmer poses naked for book drive

It has to be the most original way ever of promoting a children's book donation day.

The conception dilemma facing many parents today

Some parents who conceived through a sperm donor will be wary of telling the child, while others prefer to deal with it early on. But recent research suggests it makes little difference either way.

The wedding photo the bridesmaid would rather forget

We've probably all seen a passed-out bridesmaid at one wedding or another, but it usually happens towards the end of the night.

Pregnant TV meteorologist takes on haters

Pregnant TV meteorologist Katie Fehlinger has hit back at haters who called her a "sausage in casing".

Honest words from first-time mums

I didn't want to say anything negative to my pregnant friend, but I wish I'd been more honest.

Adorable baby experiences rain for the first time, couldn't be happier

Harper had seen rain from the comfort of indoors before, but had never had the pleasure of being outside and experiencing it first hand.

What it's really like to start a family in your fifties

Many people suppose that it must be much more tiring to have a baby in middle age, but all the mothers in the playground look exhausted, whatever their age.

'Biggest hypocrite ever': Josh Duggar admits to Ashley Madison account

An American reality TV star has been busted with a cheating website account, according to US media.

Long recovery ahead for girl hit by car weeks after baby brother's death

A little girl is more alert and starting to talk after being hit by a car a week ago, but still faces a long recovery.

How to react when a toddler lies

Q: My almost-3-year-old is starting to figure out that he can lie when asked if he ripped the book, threw the food, hit his brother, etc. Totally normal, I know. How do we respond?

The circular experience of a Centrelink client

A mum-to-be experiences the frustration of dealing with Centrelink, myGov and everything in between.

Kelly Clarkson announces live on stage: 'I'm pregnant!'

Singer Kelly Clarkson has announced she is pregnant with her second child during a concert in Los Angeles.

Hack

How to search the leaked Ashley Madison data

At least three sites are republishing Ashley Madison's user data on the public-facing internet.

Mum dances her way through labour

There are a fair few ways to distract yourself and beat pains while in labour, but it's probably a rare woman who chooses her dance her way through it.

'Rest in peace, my little lion': premmie baby Jacob passes away

Baby Jacob, whose photo of him born at just 27 weeks was deemed 'too graphic' for a fundraising site, has died.

Mum killed three young sons 'to help her daughter', prosecutor says

Niall Pilkington's death last summer apparently raised little alarm in Bellefontaine, Ohio. Tragic accidents happen, after all.

Shorter women have shorter pregnancies: study

When a group of researchers studied nearly 3500 mothers and their babies, they noticed a curious pattern.

Get your FREE Baby & Toddler Show ticket!

Get your free ticket to the Sydney Essential Baby & Toddler Show for September 25-27 - register online now.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

The worst 20 minutes of my life

Thirty seconds was all it took to turn a shopping trip into my worst nightmare.

Top baby names for England and Wales in 2014

George has overtaken William in the official rankings of most popular British baby names - and Game of Thrones is still having an impact on parents.

Baseball or baby? Dad's tough choice

What's more important, a baby or a baseball? That's a question this dad seems to struggle with.

Childbirth choices: five star or free?

It's not often you hear the words labour and luxury in the same sentence but for some, a 5-star start to parenthood is exactly what they seek. And with a number of private hospitals now offering packages which include a post-birth stay at a sumptuous first class resort, many mums are choosing to recover in style.

'Where did your boobies go, Mummy?' and other soul-destroying comments from kids

Most women carry a smidge of baby weight after giving birth. If you're lucky enough to have an older child in the house, they can keep you on track with your weight loss goals.

Do you read me, baby?

Is it too soon to be reading to my two-month-old son? If not, what should I read?

Minimising sibling rivalry when you've got a baby

Sibling rivalry is an act of competition, but if your children feel involved and special, this type of jealousy will be minimised.

Will studying on maternity leave take you away from your most important job?

I remember when I was trying to decide if I could combine motherhood and furthering my university education.

Win a Pacapod this Father's Day

To celebrate dads and families, we are giving away a Picos Pack from Pacapod Australia filled with a few extra goodies ENTER NOW

Preschooler hit by car shortly after baby brother's death

A mother has had a frantic race to the hospital after her daughter was hit by a car, just four weeks after her infant son died.

Gay couple and Thai surrogate in custody tug-of-war

A six-month-old baby girl is trapped in the Thai capital in a bitter custody wrangle between her Thai surrogate mother and her biological father.

Couple denied IVF over parenting concerns

A mother of six has been denied access to IVF treatment in order to have another child over concerns about her parenting skills.

The book that promises to put your children to sleep

Exhausted parents from around the world are singing the praises of a "miracle" book which promises to put even the most restless child to sleep in just minutes.

5 things every parent who feels guilty needs to know

Parenthood can make you feel bad, but you're not alone.

Royals criticise 'dangerous' attempts to photograph Prince George

The British royal family criticized paparazzi on Friday for what it called their increasingly dangerous attempts to photograph young Prince George.

'No jab, no play' rule to cover Victorian kindergartens and childcare centres

"Anti-vaxxers" face not being able to send their children to childcare centres or kindergarten if they refuse to have them immunised.

15,000 birthing kits on their way to developing countries

Giving birth in a hospital surrounded by medical experts is tough enough, but some women deliver babies without a clean sheet to lie on.

Photo of premmie 'too graphic', fundraising site says

When their son Jacob was born at just 27 weeks, Christina and Jeff Hinks were thrown into an uncertain world.

The latest Bugaboo collections: cool chevron and runner prams

Bugaboo sure likes to keep things fresh, and with the Australian spring/summer season coming up, there are two new Bugaboo pram releases.

Making room for two in the bed

Mum's room or their own room? Cot or bassinets? Deciding where twins will sleep can be tricky.

 

FREE TICKET

See Hi-5 LIVE in Sydney!

Get your free ticket to The Essential Baby & Toddler Show and save $20 - register online now!

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.