Jump to content

Don't want to babysit!


  • Please log in to reply
21 replies to this topic

#1 littlesticky

Posted 17 January 2013 - 06:59 PM

I have a friend with 2 little ones under 2. She has been a great help when my baby came, sharing her experience and lots of baby items for which I am so grateful. She recently asked me to babysit for a night and I feel obliged to do so. I have an 8 month old so DH will look after her, and I'll go over to look after her 2. But I really don't want to. I still have to get up multiple times per night for my bub, and I have to work the next day. And I feel like once I say yes once it'll set a precedent and she'll keep asking (she's brought it up previously, as a reciprocal thing, so she'll babysit mine -bub will have to sleep at her house- and we never go out anyway). I told her I have to work the next day and she kind of brushed it off and said they'll be back by 11 (I can guarantee this won't be the case). What else can I do?

#2 Feral-as-Meggs

Posted 17 January 2013 - 07:03 PM

Do it once (since she helped you) and then if she asks again say you wound up being too tired.

#3 FeralAlpacasFool

Posted 17 January 2013 - 07:07 PM

Just say no, you can't have a late night before work, and if she offers to babysit to pay you back, just tell her you don't need it thanks. Unless you think you will want to go to an event in the near future and would like her to babysit, I would just politely say no. If she pushes the point, she's being rude.

#4 Beancat

Posted 17 January 2013 - 07:08 PM

I may have read this wrong, but you have to go to her house to babysit her kid when when she reciprocates your child has to go there?  Doesnt seem fair.  Why can her child come to your house?  Would this be easier for you?

#5 Jjbeanz

Posted 17 January 2013 - 07:09 PM

She sounds a bit selfish to me, I would never ask a friend to do that especially when you have a baby yourself and working!

#6 katpaws

Posted 17 January 2013 - 07:16 PM

Why can't your partner do it? Then you could stay home and get an early night.





#7 littlesticky

Posted 17 January 2013 - 07:26 PM

Yeah I suggested DH do it but she doesn't trust him to do a good job. Being so close to the date I think I'll do it once and say it was too much as PP suggested. Thanks for the brainstorm. I wouldn't want her 2 at my place, they're hard to settle and I'll wake my hard to settle bub.

#8 newkie

Posted 17 January 2013 - 07:30 PM

Perhaps do it this one time, but let her know that you don't feel comfortable leaving your own little one yet, so could you maybe postpone anymore babysitting with reciprocal right for another year or so. I'd hate for you to burn your bridges at this early stage, because I can guarantee you there will be a point in time where you will want to make use of her offer to babysit.

I let no one babysit any of my four kids until they were more like 14/15 months and had some communication skills that others could interpret.

#9 CallMeFeral

Posted 17 January 2013 - 07:35 PM

Say you could do it some time on a weekend, if her kids come over to yours. She can come over, get them to bed, and then head off.

Say sorry but you are still waking up multiple times a night and cannot babysit when you have work the next day.

A reciprocal thing is very handy if BOTH people want it. If you don't... make it inconvenient enough for her that she won't either... wink.gif


#10 Soontobegran

Posted 17 January 2013 - 07:42 PM

I don't know but I think I'd prefer to look after the child in their own home. More likely to go to sleep in their familiar bed and you can have a snooze on the couch without feeling you should be doing anything around your house, leave all that to your DH.
I think it is nice to have reciprocated baby sitting and she sounds very helpful to you.
I'd do it OP, if it becomes a too regular request then I would have the chat to her.
Hope it works out ok.

#11 luke's mummu

Posted 17 January 2013 - 07:43 PM

I would say no, not when I have to work the next day. I would say there's no way I want to risk being tired and making a mistake and loosing my job. Then change the subject quickly.

#12 nessrose

Posted 17 January 2013 - 08:08 PM

I would say yes. Mainly because we don't have that much of a support network around.

I think it is great having friends you can fall back on for help when you need it. Sounds like a great opportunity to me.

#13 SusieGreen

Posted 17 January 2013 - 08:12 PM

I would do it. Friendship is a two way street and it sounds like she's been a good friend to you.

Then, don't say yes again if that's how you feel.


#14 Queen Yoda

Posted 17 January 2013 - 08:14 PM

QUOTE (meggs1 @ 17/01/2013, 07:03 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Do it once (since she helped you) and then if she asks again say you wound up being too tired.

I'd do this.

#15 epl0822

Posted 17 January 2013 - 08:18 PM

Reciprocal babysitting is great, but only if you're both happy with it. Yes, friendship is a two way street but you shouldn't feel guilt tripped into doing something that makes you so uncomfortable. It's a big ask to expect a tired mum of 8 month old to babysit two little ones under two, having to leave DH with her own baby. Maybe you can meet her halfway and say you're happy to babysit one of the children if they come over to your house. Honestly, I think it's a big ask of ANYONE to babysit two little ones under two.

There are many other ways of paying her back for her support. It will be easier to babysit once the kids are older and they can come over to your place. I have lovely friends who volunteered to babysit my DS and I feel comfortable asking them. But I never want a friend to feel obliged if they are unwilling.

#16 PrizzyII

Posted 18 January 2013 - 08:20 AM

Be careful you don't get caught being on call like me. Friends and I shared before and after school care, I haven't needed help in that area for 3 years now but I'm still called upon at least once a week and during holidays to babysit, drive their kids to activities and pick them up and then drive them to their grandparents house who take over the babysitting role after me.  unsure.gif Even when I say I'm busy or working they just push through, "Oh that's ok, the kids can go with you to work" or the best one a week and a bit ago was "Well, I've got tix to the cricket so if you can't take them today then we'll have to cancel so please just help out". Beware the babysitting cycle - its hard to get out of OP, believe me.

#17 Rachaelxxx

Posted 18 January 2013 - 09:01 AM

I've been in this situation before and it is hard to say no to a friend.  Do it this once and then make an excuse going forward.

#18 Therese

Posted 18 January 2013 - 09:04 AM

QUOTE (meggs1 @ 17/01/2013, 08:03 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Do it once (since she helped you) and then if she asks again say you wound up being too tired.


That is what I would do too.

#19 mumofsky

Posted 18 January 2013 - 09:07 AM

Id never ever ask a friend who was working the next day to babysit even til 9pm! not a chance..

#20 Holidayromp

Posted 18 January 2013 - 09:11 AM

To the pp about the cricket - I would have said tough I have already made plans or made up some excuse not to.  

Anyway I would do it the once so you are even and don't let her look after your LO again.  It is a vastly different kettle of fish being Mum to a non-sleeping hard to settle baby and then expected to look after two children afterwards whilst holding down a job.  I would offer up your DH again and just say I cannot do it - it is a work night and I cannot stay up so late.  

Also she may say she will be home by 11pm but I have my doubts.

QUOTE (PrizzyII @ 18/01/2013, 09:20 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Be careful you don't get caught being on call like me. Friends and I shared before and after school care, I haven't needed help in that area for 3 years now but I'm still called upon at least once a week and during holidays to babysit, drive their kids to activities and pick them up and then drive them to their grandparents house who take over the babysitting role after me.  unsure.gif Even when I say I'm busy or working they just push through, "Oh that's ok, the kids can go with you to work" or the best one a week and a bit ago was "Well, I've got tix to the cricket so if you can't take them today then we'll have to cancel so please just help out". Beware the babysitting cycle - its hard to get out of OP, believe me.


Just say no - they are not your kids and therefore not your problem.  People like that take the p*ss and are actually using you.

#21 CallMeFeral

Posted 18 January 2013 - 09:47 AM

QUOTE (PrizzyII @ 18/01/2013, 09:20 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Be careful you don't get caught being on call like me. Friends and I shared before and after school care, I haven't needed help in that area for 3 years now but I'm still called upon at least once a week and during holidays to babysit, drive their kids to activities and pick them up and then drive them to their grandparents house who take over the babysitting role after me.  unsure.gif Even when I say I'm busy or working they just push through, "Oh that's ok, the kids can go with you to work" or the best one a week and a bit ago was "Well, I've got tix to the cricket so if you can't take them today then we'll have to cancel so please just help out". Beware the babysitting cycle - its hard to get out of OP, believe me.


I read so many posts like this here and wonder "wtf wouldn't they just say no???"

On other days, I wish I were pushy and manipulative enough to do that stuff, there are obviously a lot of people who fall for it, I could get so much stuff done for me!

#22 Heather11

Posted 18 January 2013 - 10:10 AM

QUOTE
"Well, I've got tix to the cricket so if you can't take them today then we'll have to cancel so please just help out".


Well unless the cricket is a sellout, which I doubt any of them have been then I would of told her to take the kids with her.

I would of just not been home when they were to be dropped off then she would of had to take them.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Tell us what you think

to WIN 1 of 2 $500 Coles/Myer gift cards

Dealing with a toddler's morning tantrums

Your schedule is not important to your two-year-old, and you cannot convince her otherwise. So what can you do?

Child in suitcase 'could have died eight years ago'

A child whose remains were dumped in a suitcase in the South Australian bush is believed to have been a girl aged between two-and-a-half to four.

MP breastfeeds baby during parliamentary session

An Argentinian mum and politician has caused a stir on social media after being filmed breastfeeding her baby.

My baby's first seizure

It was 1am on a cold winter's night when I woke suddenly to the screams of my 12-month-old son. Our lives were about to change forever.

Portable pools 'more dangerous than permanent ones'

Inflatable and portable children's pools may be required to be sold with compulsory fencing to prevent backyard drownings, with some experts even floating the idea of a ban.

Heartbreaking moment mum kisses her one-week-old goodbye

At 11.07am on April 2 this year, Sarah Marriott welcomed baby Sebastian into the world.

The amazing Tee Pee bed and kid-friendly Frankie Bunk bed

These kids' beds definitely fit the brief of providing personality and personal space for little people who are moving up in the world.

The funny things kids say when you're pregnant

Since becoming noticeably pregnant, my son has taken more of an interest in the sibling he'll soon have.

The real problem with having one child

In this age of political correctness, it seems the one subject still subject to discrimination is that of the Only Child.

Six-week-old baby found dead, believed stabbed

A neighbour heard a child screaming before a baby was found dead, believed to have been stabbed, in a house in Newcastle.

The fire hazard in more than 70,000 Australian homes

So far, 206 Samsung washing machines have caught fire and some have exploded. But many remain in people's homes.

How having a baby can bring on OCD

We all know that having a baby can turn your life upside down - and it can also bring a raft of new anxieties and worries.

IVF gender selection being considered for Australian parents

Couples using IVF may be able to choose the gender of their babies and women could be financially compensated for donating their eggs.

The best age to get married (according to the latest study)

Not too young, and not too old. That's reportedly the best age to get married. Not everyone agrees.

Yes, you can get pregnant before your period returns post-baby

After giving birth, the last thing you want to think about is contraception. But you can get pregnant before your period comes back.

Fellow diner rewards mum after toddler's tantrum

Parents of toddlers everywhere know the feeling. After working up the courage to take your child out for lunch or dinner in public you are rewarded with a mid-meal meltdown. 

IKEA begins massive safety campaign after two toddler deaths

Two children were killed when pieces from their Malm furniture line tipped over.

Beaneasy: sweet nursery furniture with a twist

If you're looking to introduce an organic element into your baby's nursery but want to step away from natural timber, we have the perfect alternative.

A dad's guide to hyperemesis

I am in no way qualified to advise women on how to cope with hyperemesis, but I've learnt some lessons that might be worth sharing with other partners.

Woman adopts best friend's four daughters after cancer tragedy

Best friends share everything - and for these two life-long friends, that includes family.

Baby Leo's mum excluded from $500K trust 'for her own protection'

Samuel Forrest didn't want his wife as a trustee of their baby Leo's half million dollar trust for her own "protection", it has emerged.

Confirmed: men gain weight when they become dads

Men who become fathers experience weight gain and an increase in body mass index, a measurement of body fat based on height and weight, according to a new, large-scale study

Carer investigated over washing machine photo posted 'for a laugh'

She said the photo of a boy with Down syndrome in a washing machine was taken just for fun, but no one else was laughing.

Mum's premature labour nightmare after high tea salmonella outbreak

An opulent high tea at a luxury Melbourne hotel has left 44 people with salmonella poisoning - including a pregnant woman, who went into early labour.

The day my son started a fire

Would you know what to do in a fire emergency? How safe is your home and family?

Prince George celebrates second birthday

Prince George's second birthday has been marked by the release of an official picture showing the toddler smiling as he is held by his proud beaming father.

Which beauty treatments are safe in pregnancy?

Is it safe to use fake tan, hair dye and nail varnish during pregnancy?

The five ways I know my 'baby' is no longer a baby

The truth is, I can no longer deny that my walking, babbling, somewhat-independent little miss is no longer a bona fide 'baby'.

Review: Cybex Platinum PRIAM pram

I'm not usually one who believes in love at first sight but that's exactly what happened when I first saw the Cybex PRIAM.

Get your FREE Baby & Toddler Show ticket!

Get your free ticket to the Sydney Essential Baby & Toddler Show for September 25-27 - register online now.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Tell us what you think

to WIN 1 of 2 $500 Coles/Myer gift cards

Why I'm choosing to be a single mother right from the start

I believe that you get out of families what you put into them, and I will give mine my all.

Mother and baby units are a necessity for mental health, not a luxury

I have had two postnatal psychotic episodes. The first when my eldest child was six weeks old, and another after my second child was born.

30 French baby names

French names are always in fashion, but a few have risen in popularity in recent years.

New mum's Spanish maternity nightmare

A British woman who gave birth in Spain has told of her ordeal after spending weeks trying to convince medics the baby girl was hers.

Preparing Rover to be a good dog with baby

Some friends of ours say that it's dangerous to have a dog around a newborn and that we should start looking for a new home for him. Is it?

Company offers to ship working mums' breast milk home

First Apple and Facebook announced they would pay $20,000 towards the cost of their female employees freezing their eggs, now IBM in the US has come up with an innovative new policy aimed at retaining female employees.

Prince William speaks of his pride at wife Kate and 'little joy of heaven' Charlotte

The Duke of Cambridge opened up about family life and his plans for the future in an interview to mark his first day as an air ambulance pilot.

'Glowing' eye saves baby Mason's life

A simple photo taken in front of an evening fire gave new mother Sarah Bowers the power to save her baby's life. 

Parenting and decision overload

Of all the advice people told me before having a baby, no one warned me about the amount of decisions involved.

Proof that toddlers can't be left unsupervised - ever

Parents of toddlers all know the moment when realise your child is being suspiciously quiet. It can only mean one thing - trouble!

Meet Jeremy Ryan, The Voice contestant with seven kids

If you have trouble recalling the ages of Jeremy Ryan's seven children on The Voice, you're not alone. So does he.

Baby's adorable reaction to wearing glasses for the first time

Getting glasses can be a formative moment in a person's life.

Police officer buys supplies for family after mum of six caught shoplifting

When a mum of six was caught shoplifting nappies, clothes and shoes for her kids, the last thing she expected was for a stranger to pay for her haul.

Why pregnant women on antidepressants shouldn’t panic about birth defect claims

The risk of having uncontrolled depression is far greater than the small increased risk of birth defects that may be associated with specific antidepressants.

Arrests made over children's birthday party brawl

Police have raided properties and arrested a number of people over a brawl at a child's birthday party at a play centre in Sydney's west.

Family shares awesome drone baby announcement

Looking for a creative way to share some big news? Look to the skies, like this family did.

Young warrior Owen defies doctors' predictions

Little Owen DiCandilo's name means "young warrior", and it's a description that perfectly fits the inspiring 18-month-old

Advice for dads: when to approach your wife for sex

The exhaustion that comes with caring for young children often means romance between parents becomes a thing of the past.

I might be fat, but I don't need saving

I've been fat for pretty much most of life, besides a few crazy moments of being less-fat, but for the most part I've existed on this earth with a little more meat on my bones than desirable.

The rookie mistakes we make as parents

Since the dawn of civilisation, generation after generation of new parents have had to rely on instinct, trial and error - and sometimes get it wrong.

 

FREE TICKET

See Pinky McKay live in Sydney

Get your free ticket to The Essential Baby & Toddler Show and save $20 - register online now!

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.