Jump to content

Don't want to babysit!


  • Please log in to reply
21 replies to this topic

#1 littlesticky

Posted 17 January 2013 - 06:59 PM

I have a friend with 2 little ones under 2. She has been a great help when my baby came, sharing her experience and lots of baby items for which I am so grateful. She recently asked me to babysit for a night and I feel obliged to do so. I have an 8 month old so DH will look after her, and I'll go over to look after her 2. But I really don't want to. I still have to get up multiple times per night for my bub, and I have to work the next day. And I feel like once I say yes once it'll set a precedent and she'll keep asking (she's brought it up previously, as a reciprocal thing, so she'll babysit mine -bub will have to sleep at her house- and we never go out anyway). I told her I have to work the next day and she kind of brushed it off and said they'll be back by 11 (I can guarantee this won't be the case). What else can I do?

#2 Feral-as-Meggs

Posted 17 January 2013 - 07:03 PM

Do it once (since she helped you) and then if she asks again say you wound up being too tired.

#3 Feral Alpacas

Posted 17 January 2013 - 07:07 PM

Just say no, you can't have a late night before work, and if she offers to babysit to pay you back, just tell her you don't need it thanks. Unless you think you will want to go to an event in the near future and would like her to babysit, I would just politely say no. If she pushes the point, she's being rude.

#4 Beancat

Posted 17 January 2013 - 07:08 PM

I may have read this wrong, but you have to go to her house to babysit her kid when when she reciprocates your child has to go there?  Doesnt seem fair.  Why can her child come to your house?  Would this be easier for you?

#5 Jjbeanz

Posted 17 January 2013 - 07:09 PM

She sounds a bit selfish to me, I would never ask a friend to do that especially when you have a baby yourself and working!

#6 katpaws

Posted 17 January 2013 - 07:16 PM

Why can't your partner do it? Then you could stay home and get an early night.





#7 littlesticky

Posted 17 January 2013 - 07:26 PM

Yeah I suggested DH do it but she doesn't trust him to do a good job. Being so close to the date I think I'll do it once and say it was too much as PP suggested. Thanks for the brainstorm. I wouldn't want her 2 at my place, they're hard to settle and I'll wake my hard to settle bub.

#8 newkie

Posted 17 January 2013 - 07:30 PM

Perhaps do it this one time, but let her know that you don't feel comfortable leaving your own little one yet, so could you maybe postpone anymore babysitting with reciprocal right for another year or so. I'd hate for you to burn your bridges at this early stage, because I can guarantee you there will be a point in time where you will want to make use of her offer to babysit.

I let no one babysit any of my four kids until they were more like 14/15 months and had some communication skills that others could interpret.

#9 CallMeFeral

Posted 17 January 2013 - 07:35 PM

Say you could do it some time on a weekend, if her kids come over to yours. She can come over, get them to bed, and then head off.

Say sorry but you are still waking up multiple times a night and cannot babysit when you have work the next day.

A reciprocal thing is very handy if BOTH people want it. If you don't... make it inconvenient enough for her that she won't either... wink.gif


#10 Soontobegran

Posted 17 January 2013 - 07:42 PM

I don't know but I think I'd prefer to look after the child in their own home. More likely to go to sleep in their familiar bed and you can have a snooze on the couch without feeling you should be doing anything around your house, leave all that to your DH.
I think it is nice to have reciprocated baby sitting and she sounds very helpful to you.
I'd do it OP, if it becomes a too regular request then I would have the chat to her.
Hope it works out ok.

#11 luke's mummu

Posted 17 January 2013 - 07:43 PM

I would say no, not when I have to work the next day. I would say there's no way I want to risk being tired and making a mistake and loosing my job. Then change the subject quickly.

#12 nessrose

Posted 17 January 2013 - 08:08 PM

I would say yes. Mainly because we don't have that much of a support network around.

I think it is great having friends you can fall back on for help when you need it. Sounds like a great opportunity to me.

#13 SusieGreen

Posted 17 January 2013 - 08:12 PM

I would do it. Friendship is a two way street and it sounds like she's been a good friend to you.

Then, don't say yes again if that's how you feel.


#14 YodaTheWrinkledOne

Posted 17 January 2013 - 08:14 PM

QUOTE (meggs1 @ 17/01/2013, 07:03 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Do it once (since she helped you) and then if she asks again say you wound up being too tired.

I'd do this.

#15 epl0822

Posted 17 January 2013 - 08:18 PM

Reciprocal babysitting is great, but only if you're both happy with it. Yes, friendship is a two way street but you shouldn't feel guilt tripped into doing something that makes you so uncomfortable. It's a big ask to expect a tired mum of 8 month old to babysit two little ones under two, having to leave DH with her own baby. Maybe you can meet her halfway and say you're happy to babysit one of the children if they come over to your house. Honestly, I think it's a big ask of ANYONE to babysit two little ones under two.

There are many other ways of paying her back for her support. It will be easier to babysit once the kids are older and they can come over to your place. I have lovely friends who volunteered to babysit my DS and I feel comfortable asking them. But I never want a friend to feel obliged if they are unwilling.

#16 PrizzyII

Posted 18 January 2013 - 08:20 AM

Be careful you don't get caught being on call like me. Friends and I shared before and after school care, I haven't needed help in that area for 3 years now but I'm still called upon at least once a week and during holidays to babysit, drive their kids to activities and pick them up and then drive them to their grandparents house who take over the babysitting role after me.  unsure.gif Even when I say I'm busy or working they just push through, "Oh that's ok, the kids can go with you to work" or the best one a week and a bit ago was "Well, I've got tix to the cricket so if you can't take them today then we'll have to cancel so please just help out". Beware the babysitting cycle - its hard to get out of OP, believe me.

#17 Rachaelxxx

Posted 18 January 2013 - 09:01 AM

I've been in this situation before and it is hard to say no to a friend.  Do it this once and then make an excuse going forward.

#18 Therese

Posted 18 January 2013 - 09:04 AM

QUOTE (meggs1 @ 17/01/2013, 08:03 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Do it once (since she helped you) and then if she asks again say you wound up being too tired.


That is what I would do too.

#19 mumofsky

Posted 18 January 2013 - 09:07 AM

Id never ever ask a friend who was working the next day to babysit even til 9pm! not a chance..

#20 Holidayromp

Posted 18 January 2013 - 09:11 AM

To the pp about the cricket - I would have said tough I have already made plans or made up some excuse not to.  

Anyway I would do it the once so you are even and don't let her look after your LO again.  It is a vastly different kettle of fish being Mum to a non-sleeping hard to settle baby and then expected to look after two children afterwards whilst holding down a job.  I would offer up your DH again and just say I cannot do it - it is a work night and I cannot stay up so late.  

Also she may say she will be home by 11pm but I have my doubts.

QUOTE (PrizzyII @ 18/01/2013, 09:20 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Be careful you don't get caught being on call like me. Friends and I shared before and after school care, I haven't needed help in that area for 3 years now but I'm still called upon at least once a week and during holidays to babysit, drive their kids to activities and pick them up and then drive them to their grandparents house who take over the babysitting role after me.  unsure.gif Even when I say I'm busy or working they just push through, "Oh that's ok, the kids can go with you to work" or the best one a week and a bit ago was "Well, I've got tix to the cricket so if you can't take them today then we'll have to cancel so please just help out". Beware the babysitting cycle - its hard to get out of OP, believe me.


Just say no - they are not your kids and therefore not your problem.  People like that take the p*ss and are actually using you.

#21 CallMeFeral

Posted 18 January 2013 - 09:47 AM

QUOTE (PrizzyII @ 18/01/2013, 09:20 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Be careful you don't get caught being on call like me. Friends and I shared before and after school care, I haven't needed help in that area for 3 years now but I'm still called upon at least once a week and during holidays to babysit, drive their kids to activities and pick them up and then drive them to their grandparents house who take over the babysitting role after me.  unsure.gif Even when I say I'm busy or working they just push through, "Oh that's ok, the kids can go with you to work" or the best one a week and a bit ago was "Well, I've got tix to the cricket so if you can't take them today then we'll have to cancel so please just help out". Beware the babysitting cycle - its hard to get out of OP, believe me.


I read so many posts like this here and wonder "wtf wouldn't they just say no???"

On other days, I wish I were pushy and manipulative enough to do that stuff, there are obviously a lot of people who fall for it, I could get so much stuff done for me!

#22 Heather11

Posted 18 January 2013 - 10:10 AM

QUOTE
"Well, I've got tix to the cricket so if you can't take them today then we'll have to cancel so please just help out".


Well unless the cricket is a sellout, which I doubt any of them have been then I would of told her to take the kids with her.

I would of just not been home when they were to be dropped off then she would of had to take them.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

WIN an exclusive performance from Sam Moran!

To celebrate the release of children?s musical series Play Along with Sam, out now on DVD, we?re giving one lucky parent the chance to have Sam perform at their child?s pre-school or day care!

The myths and truths of gender swaying

Here are a few popular methods hopeful parents-to-be use to try to get a baby of their preferred gender – and what an expert says about whether they really work.

10 easy DIY Christmas decoration ideas

It's officially time to get into the Christmas spirit. Why not branch out when you put up your tree this year and add a personal touch with a few DIY decorations? We've found the perfect easy-to-make ways to put more festive fever into your home.

The dangerous new trend of glucose challenge test refusal

A dangerous trend is seeing more mothers-to-be declining a relatively simple and painless test to check for gestational diabetes.

Office of Fair Trading reveals naughty toys ahead of Christmas

The Office of Fair Trading has pulled seven toys from shelves ahead of Christmas after they fail safety tests.

Video: Baby boy's trouble with twins

These twin girls will no doubt have fun fooling people in years to come, but nobody will be as confused as baby Landon.

Long-term reversible male contraceptive on its way

Men could soon have access to an injectable long-term contraceptive which works in a similar way to a vasectomy but promises to be easily reversed.

'I tried to kill my baby': one mum's story

After bathing and dressing her three-month-old son, Amanda had a rare moment alone with her baby.

Attack of the 'mummy brain'

I feel that almost every day, someone in my life - be they a friend, family member or complete stranger - feels the need to excuse my behaviour as I have other things on my mind.

Mum of baby who fell ill after drinking raw milk speaks out

A Melbourne mother has described how her son turned grey when he became seriously ill after drinking raw milk.

Australian divorce rate lowest since 1976

Modern newlyweds are now well into their 30s and marriage still offers something powerful a new book argues.

The aftermath of a traumatic birth experience

In Australia, 30 per cent of women find their birth experience traumatic, with 6 per cent going on to develop post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

Young mum burns 'from inside-out'

A young mum is in intensive care after she took a friend's antibiotic and wound up with an ailment that is burning her body 'from the inside-out'.

The disagreement that can break a relationship

If he doesn't change his mind, all I can hope is that I will. It would be a waste to spend the rest of my marriage mourning a baby that never was.

Co-sleeping or no-sleeping? Mum videos worst nap ever

One mother's futile attempt to sleep in caught on camera in a hilarious - and very cute - video.

Why children misbehave during the festive season

While we all like to imagine the holiday season as being a fun, loving and bonding experience; often our reality is quiet different.

I was fat-shamed by my doctor

The fear of being weighed is the most significant factor in women cancelling medical appointments - and now weight-shaming has happened to me.

End of an era: no more childcare

As we reach the end of 2014, we're closing the book on many things for another year, most notably childcare. Our last child has attended childcare for the very last time.

The 7-year itch is more like the 10-year itch: study

Contrary to popular belief, making it past the seven-year mark doesn't mean your marriage will be smooth sailing from there on.

Stop telling us that parenting gets harder

I’m sure that parenting will get harder. But life isn’t exactly smooth sailing for many of us right now, either.

Should children be forced to sit on Santa's lap?

We teach kids it’s okay to say no if they don’t feel safe, so why do some parents force their children to climb in to Santa's lap?

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Baby born weighing almost 14 pounds

Yes, the bouncing baby girl was born by caesarean section. And mum says no more kids.

The dummy debate

I'm the first to admit that when I used to see tiny babies with dummies in their mouths, I thought "Hmm, lazy parenting." And now I apologise.

WIN an exclusive performance from Sam Moran!

To celebrate the release of children?s musical series Play Along with Sam, out now on DVD, we?re giving one lucky parent the chance to have Sam perform at their child?s pre-school or day care!

'I thought I was an only child'

Imagine meeting your double at a school sports event, or regularly being mistaken for someone you haven't met. Separated twins Margaret and Joy tell their story.

Mums reveal their nappy bag essentials

Ever wondered what other mums carry in their nappy bags? We have, so we asked mums to tell us their must-have nappy bag items.

Toddler died because he wasn't given antibiotics soon enough

A 15-month-old boy would almost certainly be alive today if doctors had given him antibiotics sooner, a coroner has ruled.

VIDEO: moment a toddler falls on to train tracks in Melbourne

Shocking footage has emerged capturing the moment a pram carrying a toddler rolled off a platform and onto train tracks in suburban Melbourne.

Sold on natural birth? Read the fine print

In the excitement and anticipation of a first pregnancy, I ignored the fine print: some women, some of the time.

Child with alcoholic mum who drank while pregnant won't win pay-out

A young child is not entitled to criminal injuries compensation after her mother drank excessively while pregnant.

Superbugs killing India's babies, posing wider threat

A deadly epidemic that could have global implications is quietly sweeping India, tens of thousands of newborns dying because antibiotics no longer work.

Can you teach a toddler to sleep in?

Parents share their tips on getting their early risers to sleep in, even for just a little bit longer.

Keeping your relationship on track as new parents

About 70 per cent of couples experience a slump in their relationship within three years of having a baby. Here's how we tried to get back on track.

America's favourite baby names of 2014

Americans are turning to television, Netflix and sports for ideas for what to name their wee ones.

Carers admit to force-feeding children

As Sydney grieves the loss of Sydney siege victims Katrina Dawson and Tori Johnson, reports have suggested that both died as heroes.

 

How many weeks til Christmas?

On your To-Do list

Get the "Santa" shopping done without the kids in tow.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.