Jump to content

Don't want to babysit!


  • Please log in to reply
21 replies to this topic

#1 littlesticky

Posted 17 January 2013 - 06:59 PM

I have a friend with 2 little ones under 2. She has been a great help when my baby came, sharing her experience and lots of baby items for which I am so grateful. She recently asked me to babysit for a night and I feel obliged to do so. I have an 8 month old so DH will look after her, and I'll go over to look after her 2. But I really don't want to. I still have to get up multiple times per night for my bub, and I have to work the next day. And I feel like once I say yes once it'll set a precedent and she'll keep asking (she's brought it up previously, as a reciprocal thing, so she'll babysit mine -bub will have to sleep at her house- and we never go out anyway). I told her I have to work the next day and she kind of brushed it off and said they'll be back by 11 (I can guarantee this won't be the case). What else can I do?

#2 Feral-as-Meggs

Posted 17 January 2013 - 07:03 PM

Do it once (since she helped you) and then if she asks again say you wound up being too tired.

#3 Feral Alpacas

Posted 17 January 2013 - 07:07 PM

Just say no, you can't have a late night before work, and if she offers to babysit to pay you back, just tell her you don't need it thanks. Unless you think you will want to go to an event in the near future and would like her to babysit, I would just politely say no. If she pushes the point, she's being rude.

#4 Beancat

Posted 17 January 2013 - 07:08 PM

I may have read this wrong, but you have to go to her house to babysit her kid when when she reciprocates your child has to go there?  Doesnt seem fair.  Why can her child come to your house?  Would this be easier for you?

#5 Jjbeanz

Posted 17 January 2013 - 07:09 PM

She sounds a bit selfish to me, I would never ask a friend to do that especially when you have a baby yourself and working!

#6 katpaws

Posted 17 January 2013 - 07:16 PM

Why can't your partner do it? Then you could stay home and get an early night.





#7 littlesticky

Posted 17 January 2013 - 07:26 PM

Yeah I suggested DH do it but she doesn't trust him to do a good job. Being so close to the date I think I'll do it once and say it was too much as PP suggested. Thanks for the brainstorm. I wouldn't want her 2 at my place, they're hard to settle and I'll wake my hard to settle bub.

#8 newkie

Posted 17 January 2013 - 07:30 PM

Perhaps do it this one time, but let her know that you don't feel comfortable leaving your own little one yet, so could you maybe postpone anymore babysitting with reciprocal right for another year or so. I'd hate for you to burn your bridges at this early stage, because I can guarantee you there will be a point in time where you will want to make use of her offer to babysit.

I let no one babysit any of my four kids until they were more like 14/15 months and had some communication skills that others could interpret.

#9 CallMeFeral

Posted 17 January 2013 - 07:35 PM

Say you could do it some time on a weekend, if her kids come over to yours. She can come over, get them to bed, and then head off.

Say sorry but you are still waking up multiple times a night and cannot babysit when you have work the next day.

A reciprocal thing is very handy if BOTH people want it. If you don't... make it inconvenient enough for her that she won't either... wink.gif


#10 Soontobegran

Posted 17 January 2013 - 07:42 PM

I don't know but I think I'd prefer to look after the child in their own home. More likely to go to sleep in their familiar bed and you can have a snooze on the couch without feeling you should be doing anything around your house, leave all that to your DH.
I think it is nice to have reciprocated baby sitting and she sounds very helpful to you.
I'd do it OP, if it becomes a too regular request then I would have the chat to her.
Hope it works out ok.

#11 luke's mummu

Posted 17 January 2013 - 07:43 PM

I would say no, not when I have to work the next day. I would say there's no way I want to risk being tired and making a mistake and loosing my job. Then change the subject quickly.

#12 nessrose

Posted 17 January 2013 - 08:08 PM

I would say yes. Mainly because we don't have that much of a support network around.

I think it is great having friends you can fall back on for help when you need it. Sounds like a great opportunity to me.

#13 SusieGreen

Posted 17 January 2013 - 08:12 PM

I would do it. Friendship is a two way street and it sounds like she's been a good friend to you.

Then, don't say yes again if that's how you feel.


#14 YodaTheWrinkledOne

Posted 17 January 2013 - 08:14 PM

QUOTE (meggs1 @ 17/01/2013, 07:03 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Do it once (since she helped you) and then if she asks again say you wound up being too tired.

I'd do this.

#15 epl0822

Posted 17 January 2013 - 08:18 PM

Reciprocal babysitting is great, but only if you're both happy with it. Yes, friendship is a two way street but you shouldn't feel guilt tripped into doing something that makes you so uncomfortable. It's a big ask to expect a tired mum of 8 month old to babysit two little ones under two, having to leave DH with her own baby. Maybe you can meet her halfway and say you're happy to babysit one of the children if they come over to your house. Honestly, I think it's a big ask of ANYONE to babysit two little ones under two.

There are many other ways of paying her back for her support. It will be easier to babysit once the kids are older and they can come over to your place. I have lovely friends who volunteered to babysit my DS and I feel comfortable asking them. But I never want a friend to feel obliged if they are unwilling.

#16 PrizzyII

Posted 18 January 2013 - 08:20 AM

Be careful you don't get caught being on call like me. Friends and I shared before and after school care, I haven't needed help in that area for 3 years now but I'm still called upon at least once a week and during holidays to babysit, drive their kids to activities and pick them up and then drive them to their grandparents house who take over the babysitting role after me.  unsure.gif Even when I say I'm busy or working they just push through, "Oh that's ok, the kids can go with you to work" or the best one a week and a bit ago was "Well, I've got tix to the cricket so if you can't take them today then we'll have to cancel so please just help out". Beware the babysitting cycle - its hard to get out of OP, believe me.

#17 Rachaelxxx

Posted 18 January 2013 - 09:01 AM

I've been in this situation before and it is hard to say no to a friend.  Do it this once and then make an excuse going forward.

#18 Therese

Posted 18 January 2013 - 09:04 AM

QUOTE (meggs1 @ 17/01/2013, 08:03 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Do it once (since she helped you) and then if she asks again say you wound up being too tired.


That is what I would do too.

#19 mumofsky

Posted 18 January 2013 - 09:07 AM

Id never ever ask a friend who was working the next day to babysit even til 9pm! not a chance..

#20 Holidayromp

Posted 18 January 2013 - 09:11 AM

To the pp about the cricket - I would have said tough I have already made plans or made up some excuse not to.  

Anyway I would do it the once so you are even and don't let her look after your LO again.  It is a vastly different kettle of fish being Mum to a non-sleeping hard to settle baby and then expected to look after two children afterwards whilst holding down a job.  I would offer up your DH again and just say I cannot do it - it is a work night and I cannot stay up so late.  

Also she may say she will be home by 11pm but I have my doubts.

QUOTE (PrizzyII @ 18/01/2013, 09:20 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Be careful you don't get caught being on call like me. Friends and I shared before and after school care, I haven't needed help in that area for 3 years now but I'm still called upon at least once a week and during holidays to babysit, drive their kids to activities and pick them up and then drive them to their grandparents house who take over the babysitting role after me.  unsure.gif Even when I say I'm busy or working they just push through, "Oh that's ok, the kids can go with you to work" or the best one a week and a bit ago was "Well, I've got tix to the cricket so if you can't take them today then we'll have to cancel so please just help out". Beware the babysitting cycle - its hard to get out of OP, believe me.


Just say no - they are not your kids and therefore not your problem.  People like that take the p*ss and are actually using you.

#21 CallMeFeral

Posted 18 January 2013 - 09:47 AM

QUOTE (PrizzyII @ 18/01/2013, 09:20 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Be careful you don't get caught being on call like me. Friends and I shared before and after school care, I haven't needed help in that area for 3 years now but I'm still called upon at least once a week and during holidays to babysit, drive their kids to activities and pick them up and then drive them to their grandparents house who take over the babysitting role after me.  unsure.gif Even when I say I'm busy or working they just push through, "Oh that's ok, the kids can go with you to work" or the best one a week and a bit ago was "Well, I've got tix to the cricket so if you can't take them today then we'll have to cancel so please just help out". Beware the babysitting cycle - its hard to get out of OP, believe me.


I read so many posts like this here and wonder "wtf wouldn't they just say no???"

On other days, I wish I were pushy and manipulative enough to do that stuff, there are obviously a lot of people who fall for it, I could get so much stuff done for me!

#22 Heather11

Posted 18 January 2013 - 10:10 AM

QUOTE
"Well, I've got tix to the cricket so if you can't take them today then we'll have to cancel so please just help out".


Well unless the cricket is a sellout, which I doubt any of them have been then I would of told her to take the kids with her.

I would of just not been home when they were to be dropped off then she would of had to take them.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Why Tracey Spicer has given up make-up

"After 30 years on television, I had become what I despised: a painted doll who spent an hour a day and close to $200 a week putting on a mask."

Empowering bikini photo of 46-year-old mum goes viral

When a group of teenagers made rude remarks about her body as she walked past them in a bikini at the local beach, Julie Cross refused to cover up.

Devastated widow discovers she's pregnant the day before husband's funeral

They had been trying to conceive a baby for seven years. Tragically Kristy Kirchner found out she was pregnant the day before her husband Royce's funeral.

Gabriella Goat sues Peppa Pig

Every toddler's favourite television pig is being sued by an Italian woman who shares a name with a Peppa Pig character.

Meet the Mpregs, the male pregnancy enthusiasts

"Men can't have babies - that's something only women can do! But our community is full of like-minded people who wish otherwise."

Your new motherhood survival kit

Forget about the bright, pretty baby things - while you're in survival mode, all you'll need are the essentials.

More than 100,000 cars recalled globally after death of pregnant woman

The announcement of a mass recall comes as Malaysian police investigate the death of pregnant woman in July.

Win a family pass to Disney Live!

We have 4 family passes to give away to see Disney Live! presents Three Classic Fairy Tales, touring Australia this December/January.

I had a 'good baby' but still suffered from postnatal depression

I had a much wanted precious baby girl, a 'good baby' who slept well, self settled and was mostly content. It just seemed implausible to think I could succumb to depression.

There's no need to eclipse a babymoon

As long as pregnant women do their research, travelling during pregnancy can be done safely.

Mum and daughter have babies on same day

"It's not really something you ever want or think could happen. To have my mum going through it with me is probably the most special, amazing thing ever.”

Our baby's reflux caused the longest endurance test of our lives

I'm glad she wasn't my first child, or I would have thought that this was normal.

Win one of 5 Little Tikes Cozy Coupe Sport

Australia?s No 1 selling car is now available in a Sports model and we have 5 to give away to some lucky Essential Baby families.

The podcast that reminds mums they are not alone

A mum's complicated, gruelling labour gave birth to two lovely beings: her daughter and her delightful podcast, The Longest Shortest Time.

Is it too late to change my midwife?

My wife is nine months pregnant and we are planning a home birth - but we've had late problems with our midwife team.

The Very Hungover Caterpillar: a parody many can relate to

A new book released this month will be sure to have parents nodding and giggling in recognition the world over.

Babywearers unite against misinformation

Everyone has heard of people power, but what about passionate babywearing power?

Reliving the birth experience

When people ask about how my labour went, I usually respond: "Good, I think? Four hours long, and yeah it hurt, but I dunno, it's labour, it's giving birth, it's painful... but I guess it was good? As good as good gets?"

Literary baby name inspiration

From Harry Potter to Shakespeare and everything in between, we've scoured the library shelves for literary baby name inspiration.

Preparing your child to attend a sibling's birth

Thinking about having your kids at the birth of your baby? Here are some things to consider.

Counselling helps mum deal with triplets' early birth

When Kimberlee King's waters broke nine weeks before her triplets were due, she went into autopilot as she packed her hospital bag.

The women balancing babies with new businesses

Motherhood teaches us that we can be more tolerant, patient, and loving than we ever thought possible - and can also show us that we're innovative, creative and entrepreneurial, too.

It's true, kids grow up overnight

A dad ponders how his toddler daughter can change so much in just one 24 hour period.

Father sings to dying son days after losing wife

A heartbreaking video shows a new dad singing 'Blackbird' to his dying son just days after losing his wife.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Win one of 5 Little Tikes Cozy Coupe Sport

Australia?s No 1 selling car is now available in a Sports model and we have 5 to give away to some lucky Essential Baby families.

Join PADDINGTON on the red carpet!

To celebrate the release of PADDINGTON, we are giving five lucky winners the chance to win a family pass to the exclusive Australian Premiere in Sydney on December 7!

Knowing you are one of the lucky ones

I am secure, confident and strong, but the responsibility of protecting my children can almost bring me undone.

Why I am so emotional now I have kids?

There are so many ways in which parenthood changes us as women, but one of the most noticeable, for me, has been the changing state of my emotions.

Baby survives despite sharing womb with 'foreign body'

Baby Maia was conceived against the odds, only to find she was sharing a womb with an ominous "foreign body".

Video: Baby shows dog how to jump - or vice versa

They say dog is man's best friend, but this playful pooch seems to have chosen a jumping baby as her number one buddy.

10 ways to soothe a crying baby

New paernts can get frustrated when their newborn gets fussy and can't settle down. When you're feeling overwhelmed, try some of these simple tips to help soothe your baby.

20 baby names that are becoming more popular every year

The data-lovers at nameberry.com have been at it again – this time, they’ve discovered the names that are continually rising up the ranks, ready to take out some top spots in the next few years.

10 great meals to make for new parents

Ideally, you want to give food that isn’t expensive to make, isn't too difficult to create, and freezes well; stews, bakes, soups and pasta sauces are perfect.

'It's not you, it's me': Boston bombing survivor mum to have leg amputated

Rebekah DiMartino is going through a break-up. She even wrote a farewell love letter. But it's not to her husband.

What it's like to go through early menopause

In a cruel twist, Carla had been breastfeeding and perimenopausal at the same time. But she's far from the only one to go through menopause early.

Restaurant served alcohol to two-year-old

Busy restaurants can be forgiven for getting food and drink orders mixed up from time to time, but not when the confusion leads to a two-year-old being served an alcoholic cocktail instead of the child-friendly beverage they ordered.

Julia Morris tells of miscarriage on a flight

Julia Morris has spoken about the devastation of suffering a miscarriage while on an international flight.

Woman's survival after birth 'a story of two miracles'

A US mother is home and tending to her new baby less than a month after surviving without a pulse for 45 minutes.

Eating ice may give mental boost to the iron deficient: study

A new study proposes that, like a strong cup of coffee, ice may give those with insufficient iron a much-needed mental boost.

Tiny lives in caring hands: Thank U NICU Day

Each year in Australia, over 40,000 newborns need the help of a special care nursery or neonatal intensive care unit. One day a year, the staff are honoured by the parents they help through those dark days.

I paid $50,000 to have a girl

This time my husband and I hadn't taken any chances. We had paid $50,000 and travelled 13,000 kilometres to make sure the baby growing inside me was female.

Weird pregnancy products

Some pregnancy products come to market and are just awesome. Others just leave you scratching your head.

Dear firstborn, I'm sorry

Being a first-time mum is tough for so many reasons – particularly because you really have no idea what you're doing.

A trace of sesame could kill my son

Helen Richardson son's had two anaphylactic reactions in a month. It's traumatic for everyone.

When you know before the test says yes

It wasn't a pregnancy test or missed period that told me I was pregnant with my second baby; it was too early for those things. A doner kebab told me I was going to be a mum again.

What not to do when your partner is in labour

Robbie Williams stole the show during his wife Ayda's labour, pretty much demonstrating everything on the "what not to do when your partner is in labour" list.

Best maternity swimwear and beach cover-ups

Thinking about a tropical babymoon but have nothing to wear? Here are some great swimwear and beach cover-up options for mums-to-be.

Dad breastfeeds his babies

Trevor Macdonald has now been pregnant twice, and is successfully breastfeeding his newest family member.

 

How many weeks til Christmas?

On your To-Do list

Get the "Santa" shopping done without the kids in tow.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.