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Punishment for swearing...


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#1 EsmeLennox

Posted 17 January 2013 - 05:34 PM

Hit me with your ideas. Nothing I have tried works and I am sick and tired of the vocabulary of my 7 year old. Unfortunately, he has learned quite a lot at school and uses it liberally.

#2 Jax12

Posted 17 January 2013 - 05:38 PM

Oh god, my first thought was to wash their mouth out with soap, even though I would NEVER do this and have never had it done to me.  Clearly I was threatened with it enough as a child though for it to have made a lasting imprint!

No helpful suggestions, sorry OP.  I shudder to think of the doozies DS might drop soon - and we have no one to blame  ph34r.gif

#3 Beancat

Posted 17 January 2013 - 05:40 PM

Tell him if he keeps swearing people wont want their children to play with him so it will result in less friends.



#4 Feral Madam Mim

Posted 17 January 2013 - 05:42 PM

What have you tried? Has the teacher spoken to him about it?

#5 EsmeLennox

Posted 17 January 2013 - 05:44 PM

Playing the friendship card would mean nothing to my DS for a variety of reasons. Also, who do you think he learned some of the language from?

FTR he doesn't swear at school, he is apparently adorable and incredibly well behaved (turns into a demon at 3 apparently). I have tried such things as time out, removing favourite items/toys, Tv/electronics bans, cancelling looked forward to activities etc. I haven't washed his mouth out with soap, I can't imagine doing that, I think that is a revolting thing to do to a child (even though it might work).

Edited by Jemstar, 17 January 2013 - 05:46 PM.


#6 Mitis angelam

Posted 17 January 2013 - 05:47 PM

My mum used a spoonful of chilli, and it (mostly) worked...

#7 Mumof32b!

Posted 17 January 2013 - 05:47 PM

I made my DS9 write out 100 times "I will not swear" seems to have worked so far, although it was a one off, he has never sworn before so that might not be drastic enough for your situation.

Find his currency and take it away possibly?  I would definitely be saying no to further playdates for the time being.

#8 EsmeLennox

Posted 17 January 2013 - 05:48 PM

Yes, a friend has suggested curry powder, but frankly, that seems like physical abuse to me.

He doesn't do playdates. I haven't tried making him write lines, that's an oldie but a goodie, I might give that a go.

He even talks a out the kids at school and how naughty they are for swearing  huh.gif rolleyes.gif  . He has always had a bit of a propensity for trying out behaviours he's seen at school at home.

Edited by Jemstar, 17 January 2013 - 05:51 PM.


#9 Soontobegran

Posted 17 January 2013 - 05:50 PM

What is his currency?
Perhaps you could remove a privilege for a pre organised number of minutes for every swear word used and use a chart to keep track.
It could mean a total loss of that particular privilege for days or even weeks if the behaviour continues.

I was brought up in the days of licking a block of soap and I learnt pretty quickly that this was the consequence of swearing. I know it's an EB 'no no' but I believe I may have used this once or twice on my children but they didn't make a habit of swearing in front of us so we didn't have to face the issue.

I know people who have swear jars which takes away pocket money with each word until some are in debt.

#10 Butterflyferal

Posted 17 January 2013 - 06:00 PM

If he is only doing it home, why even bother punishing? I know with my two DD's (7 & 9) the more people react the bigger the payoff. When they discovered that words had power over grown ups it was like they had discovered magic  rolleyes.gif It was really only my Mum that reacted and that meant she always copped the worst of it. Once I told her to back off they stopped trying it out on her.

My kids just get an eye roll or if they are really pushing the boundaries a quick chat about having a potty mouth being really uncool at their age. So far, they seem to have all the basic words memorised but very rarely use them.  shrug.gif




#11 MintyBiscuit

Posted 17 January 2013 - 06:01 PM

Does he get pocket money? Maybe a swear jar would work, and the proceeds of it then get spent on your other kids  dev (6).gif

#12 Soontobegran

Posted 17 January 2013 - 06:01 PM

QUOTE (Jemstar @ 17/01/2013, 06:44 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I haven't washed his mouth out with soap, I can't imagine doing that, I think that is a revolting thing to do to a child (even though it might work).


As someone who had it done to her it really wasn't bad at all. original.gif  It was never done in anger and we were just asked to lick the soap, there was no force and no vigorous washing out. It's just soap, kids suck it off the facewasher. It was yucky enough to work for us as kids.

I know that it is not well thought as a punishment and am not advocating it's use, I am just saying that in the scheme of possible punishments it was pretty tame to me and was not traumatised by it.

#13 EsmeLennox

Posted 17 January 2013 - 06:04 PM

The swear jar isn't a bad idea, and he has quite a stash of money ATM too through saving and being given some for Christmas. That might hit him where it hurts so to speak. I would have thought his currency was his electronic gadgetry, but he must seems to wait out the time it's taken away. He won't swear during that time because he knows if he does I will add to the time the stuff has been taken away for. I want a long term solution. I did sit down and had a very serious talk with him about his language and how rude it is, and not nice etc, he did seem to listen to me, and he hasn't sworn since (today) so I will see how long it lasts.

ETA, licking the soap is a bit different to washing his mouth out, which I imagine would need a fair amount of force to actually achieve. I know my mother washed my brotheer's mouth out with soap (and apparently he never swore again) but I also know my brother remembers it very negatively. This was before I born, so I wasn't around to witness the situation.

Edited by Jemstar, 17 January 2013 - 06:06 PM.


#14 snuffles

Posted 17 January 2013 - 06:05 PM

For every swear word he goes to bed 5 minutes earlier.  A friend tried this and after her DS went to bed before 5 several nights in a row he decided that it wasn't such a good idea.

You could try that?



#15 EsmeLennox

Posted 17 January 2013 - 06:08 PM

Have done that one snuffles. It hasn't worked in the long term.

#16 snuffles

Posted 17 January 2013 - 06:09 PM

That's all I got sorry!!

Let me know if you find something that works as I may need it sometime...



#17 EsmeLennox

Posted 17 January 2013 - 06:14 PM

QUOTE (Butterflyqueen @ 17/01/2013, 04:00 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
If he is only doing it home, why even bother punishing? I know with my two DD's (7 & 9) the more people react the bigger the payoff. When they discovered that words had power over grown ups it was like they had discovered magic  rolleyes.gif It was really only my Mum that reacted and that meant she always copped the worst of it. Once I told her to back off they stopped trying it out on her.

My kids just get an eye roll or if they are really pushing the boundaries a quick chat about having a potty mouth being really uncool at their age. So far, they seem to have all the basic words memorised but very rarely use them.  shrug.gif


Are you for real? Why bother punishing? Because I do not want him to think that swearing is ok as part of his natural discourse, none of the gentle methods (such as eye rolls) have worked that well. He is a very stubborn and determined child. I don't go off at him like a frog in a sock, but he needs the message that it is not OK, and that I won't tolerate it in our home. Also, although he reserves his swearing from home if it becomes so natural to him and I do nothing it will eventually lead to him swearing in other environments. I do not want the child who is known as the foul mouthed boy on the footy field, in the school yard, or (when he is older) in the work place.

Ignoring it does not work. This is a problem of at least 6 months now, we have ignored it already. He just kept going, with increasing frequency.

Edited by Jemstar, 17 January 2013 - 06:16 PM.


#18 eleven

Posted 17 January 2013 - 06:15 PM

Please don't get him to write lines as punishment. It's difficult enough to get little boys to engage with reading and writing. Teachers always try to make writing a positive experience...

I like the idea of a swear jar or rather than remove a privilege, what about offering a reward for desirable behaviour/ language. Perhaps a day at the beach or a trip to the movies would be well received for a week of better language?

#19 EsmeLennox

Posted 17 January 2013 - 06:19 PM

QUOTE (eleven @ 17/01/2013, 04:15 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Please don't get him to write lines as punishment. It's difficult enough to get little boys to engage with reading and writing. Teachers always try to make writing a positive experience...


Good point. He doesn't like writing at the best of times, probably should stay away from that when I think about it. He is an avid reader though.

I like the idea of a reward. Perhaps I could put a heap of marbles or something in a jar. If he swears one gets removed, it if they all stay in the jar he gets a reward... Hmmm... Might work with him. He needs to break the habit.

Edited by Jemstar, 17 January 2013 - 06:21 PM.


#20 Butterflyferal

Posted 17 January 2013 - 06:22 PM

QUOTE (Jemstar @ 17/01/2013, 06:14 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Are you for real? Why bother punishing? Because I do not want him to think that swearing is ok as part of his natural discourse, none of the gentle methods (such as eye rolls) have worked that well. He is a very stubborn and determined child. I don't go off at him like a frog in a sock, but he needs the message that it is not OK, and that I won't tolerate it in our home. Also, although he reserves his swearing from home if it becomes so natural to him and I do nothing it will eventually lead to him swearing in other environments. I do not want the child who is known as the foul mouthed boy on the footy field, in the school yard, or (when he is older) in the work place.

Ignoring it does not work. This is a problem of at least 6 months now, we have ignored it already. He just kept going, with increasing frequency.



Sorry if my post was offensive to you or I worded it badly. I was just explaining what has worked in our house. My kids very rarely swear and are certainly not known as potty mouths by anyone.

My kids hear swear words from everywhere. Music, neighbours, friends etc. I figure I have no chance on teaching them that only unsavoury types do it and I'm pretty sure curry powder, swear jars and the rest will be a distant memory by the time they are teenagers.

Anyway, I hope you find something that works for you.  original.gif

#21 EsmeLennox

Posted 17 January 2013 - 06:29 PM

It wasn't offensive, I was just surprised that you would think it something not to bother about. Hat's how it came across.

#22 tle

Posted 17 January 2013 - 06:30 PM

I don't think the soap in the mouth would work. I rmember my mum doing that to my brother when we were kids and they both ended up vomiting - him from the soap and her because she felt so guilty when she saw what it did to him.

My DS is a bit older (13yrs) so may not be relevant. He was starting to swear a bit (as are all his friends so rather than tell him he couldn't swear we just changed the rules. Now he is not to swear in front of me or any other adults that may be offended (i.e. everyone unless they swear in front of him) and not in front of his siblings. It seems to have worked and he rarely slips up in my earshot. I'm sure he swears in the presence of his friends but since they aren't offended by it I don't see that as a problem.

#23 Riotproof

Posted 17 January 2013 - 06:32 PM

QUOTE (Ferdinand @ 17/01/2013, 07:09 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I'd just ignore it. The lack of response/rise should kill the fun of using inappropriate language for him.

He's well aware it's rude to use those words so continuing to hammer it into him isn't going to make an ounce of difference.

A friend of mine swears by this method http://www.alankazdin.com/kazdin_method.htm

It's all about focusing on the positive behaviour and replacing the negative behaviour with good. He's obviously getting something out of behaving this way. Once you work out what it is, you can take it away.

#24 HappyWomble

Posted 17 January 2013 - 06:37 PM

With our boy, I did the whole "when you swear/yell/say mean things/etc I can't/don't/won't hear you" (said calmly). It's different to ignoring. He usually only swore/yelled/was mean when he wanted something, so the onus was on him to change his behaviour immediately or he wouldn't get his way. Once he'd made an effort to change the way he spoke, we'd discuss how he sounded angry or upset etc and did he want to talk about that.

We also discussed how using certain words gives people the impression that he wasn't very smart, or that his parents weren't raising him very well, ie it wasn't a good look. I know, not always the case, and heaps of other things besides, but it was his currency.

HTH

#25 ~sydblue~

Posted 17 January 2013 - 06:43 PM

Our kids know not to swear in public and never have. They also know not to swear when we have visitors.
DD13 doesn't even swear on Facebook. If they swear when at home, DH or I just say something along the lines of "What did I just hear?"
Usually they say "Oops," and that is that.





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