Jump to content

Help with Tricky Work Situation!
Bullying and Harassment in the Workplace


  • Please log in to reply
10 replies to this topic

#1 laura7

Posted 17 January 2013 - 04:40 PM

I would appreciate some input  from EB members about a tricky, work-related situation I find myself in.  Here goes:

I started a new job when DD was 4 months old.  I gave it considerable thought at the time and thought that it was "do-able"- 2 set days per week with some extra days and an on-call component.  At the time  DH wasn't working a great deal so it seemed ideal.  Anyway, from the time DD was 2 months old I began expressing, getting her used to having a bottle and orientating her into the local day car centre.  

Anyway, all went incredibly well, even better than I anticipated, until about 4 months when the Manager announced that he was retiring, and another staff member also left.  One of my colleagues began acting in the managerial role until a suitable replacement could be found.  She had initially applied and deemed unsuitable for this position on a permanent basis (no past management experience).  Any way months go by and due to the paucity of applicants she is given the role.

The person whom I replaced gave me lots of advice re this person such as "don't trust her" and words to that affect, however due to my nature and the fact that I didn't have any specific grievances disregarded his advice.  Well no sooner than she was in the job she began berating me, putting me down behind my back and suggesting that I was unreliable if I had a sick day if either of my children were unwell.  She also talks about other staff members behind their backs  and generally sets about making the work situation toxic.  Yes I felt bullied and harassed!  DH has been begging me to leave for ages.

For some time I have thought about resigning even though the hours of this job were generally ideal and I was working in an area that I loved and had considerable experience in.  After much thought I decided against it (primarily because of financial reasons) instead organised an additional one day per week job elsewhere to gain a bit of perspective and enrolled in a part time course to give me some long term options.

So I go on leave two weeks ago.  Manager goes to me "Have a nice holiday", "Where are you going?" etc and generally insincere platitudes such as this.  I get back from our family holiday and there is a letter waiting for me from head office requesting a formal meeting to discuss my workplace conduct and performance.  To say I was shattered would be a huge understatement .  Anyway the meeting was scheduled for while I was still on leave so my DH rang up to cancel it (he volunteered).  At this point i couldn't stop shaking. Four days have gone passed and I am still preoccupied with this (sleep severely affected) and I still don't know what to do-I'm not usually indecisive.  I'm due to return on Monday.  I am not in a union and I know that if I were to join would not help me as the letter predates my joining.  I feel I have no other option to resign and feel very hurt and angry-especially as my conduct has been called into question.  As it's too late to submit a resignation letter I feel sick with dread about going on Monday.  Any  constructive ideas anyone?  What would you do?  I don't want to discuss it with DH anymore as he has a tendency to say "told you so" which in this case is not constructive!

#2 fifi-trixibelle

Posted 17 January 2013 - 04:47 PM

Not sure this is baby names?

#3 dessiesgirl

Posted 17 January 2013 - 04:48 PM

You walk in with your head held high, waving the letter around, look your boss straight in the eye and ask if now is a convenient time for the meeting you were advised about. Join your union anyway - they may help, I'm not sure. In any case, you are entitled to have a support person with you at any disciplinary meeting, so ask a co-worker to come with you, as a witness.

And take notes. Then write or email your boss with a summary of what has been said by both sides, so there is no room for lies or misunderstandings at any later date. Ask for specific examples of the unsatisfactory cobduct referred to in the letter, and ask why it hasn't been addressed before.

Don't take any crap - you've done nothing wrong!

Edited by dessiesgirl, 17 January 2013 - 04:53 PM.


#4 PrincessPeach

Posted 17 January 2013 - 04:52 PM

Do not resign!

I'd go to the meeting & find out what exactly it is they have an issue with. They should give you an opportunity to discuss your side of the issue. If they don't, i am sure fair work australia should be able to help you out.

#5 mollybot

Posted 17 January 2013 - 04:55 PM

Deep breath.

Gather your wits and your resolve, go in on Monday and tell them that you will need any problems that they may have had with your performance in writing so that you have time to address them.

TELL them that the meeting will have to be rescheduled for at least a week's time. Refuse to have any meeting with them sooner. If pressed, tell them that you are a bit taken aback that they would do this while you are on holiday.

This will buy you time. If you are stressed out of your mind, go to your GP and tell them, they can write you a sick note for stress and this may come in handy later.

Ask yourself "Do I *need* to stay in this job for the money ?" if the money would be tight but copable, I'd walk away and go for work elsewhere.

Chin up, you've done nothing wrong ! Don't let her run you out of town !! Leave on your own terms, don't squeak in there on Monday and resign !!

#6 FiveAus

Posted 17 January 2013 - 04:58 PM

You have the right to have a support person in that type of meeting. They generally can't say anything but they can take notes and also witness what's being said between management and you.
Is there someone at work, maybe in a different department, who you like and could act as your support person?

Also, contact Fair Work Australia and ask their advice.

#7 elmo_mum

Posted 17 January 2013 - 05:02 PM

you can still join the union... and they will still help you!!!

they may want a bit of back pay fees, but they will still help you out!!!!

#8 Dylan's Mummy

Posted 17 January 2013 - 05:04 PM

You can join your union. I had an issue at work and joined the union and they helped me out. Don't be too quick to quit your job, if other people are having issues with this manager then perhaps they could voice their concerns with the union too. You have a right to bring a support person into the meeting with you, but you have to let your manager know about this in advance.

Have a list ready for any issues you many want to bring up, be sure to make sure they voiced in a professional manner. Also, if you have an idea of the things she may bring up, have some rebuttals and explanations prepared.

At my work we managed to get department manager to quit (wel HR told us it was a "mutual" decision") by collectively submitting complaints about her to our HR department.  As one of the union quotes say "the workers, united, wil never be defeated".

#9 feral fembo bull

Posted 17 January 2013 - 05:07 PM

Have you actually spoken to the union, or are you assuming they won't help? Most will help someone in your situation, I've known of two completely disparate situations (different workplaces and very different unions) where they've been more than happy to help non members in cases such as yours.

Please give them a call if you haven't already.

#10 password123

Posted 17 January 2013 - 05:20 PM

Definitely don't quit. Pps have given great advice about arming yourself with a support person and documenting what their "complaints" are. Please seek union advice.


#11 laura7

Posted 17 January 2013 - 09:51 PM

Thanks everyone for your replies.  Looks like I have some serious thinking to do and I'll just have to psych my self up for Monday  sad.gif




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Heartwarming prank gives single mum the house she was hired to clean

Cara Simmons arrived at work to clean a large and beautiful house in time for a party planned for that evening. It was soon hers.

Why we should stop telling new parents to 'enjoy every moment'

A few weeks ago, some dear friends of mine had their first baby. As the proud dad texted me a picture I had to fight the natural instinct to say “Enjoy every moment!”

Transgender dad breastfeeds his babies

A transgender man who breastfed his first baby - despite having his breasts removed as part of his transformation from female to male - has now had a second child.

Couple face $1 million medical bill and bankruptcy after babymoon birth

A Canadian couple were slammed with a million dollar medical bill after their daughter was prematurely during their babymoon.

Win one of 5 Little Tikes Cozy Coupe Sport

Australia?s No 1 selling car is now available in a Sports model and we have 5 to give away to some lucky Essential Baby families.

Cigarettes, junk food dominate supermarket sales growth

One in every five dollars spent at supermarkets goes on cigarettes or junk food, according to industry data.

Teacher under fire for breastfeeding in class

There is no doubt mums have a right to continue breastfeeding after they have returned to work, but one teacher in the US has taken it to the extreme.

Video: Baby sniffs beardless dad to make sure it's him

She looks him up and down and then touches his chin, but baby Lindsey still isn't sure this clean-shaven man is her dad.

The tragedy of losing a favourite teddy bear

We were green and uninitiated, perhaps a little naïve when it came to the favourite toy responsibility.

It's possible to workout while pregnant

Medical experts say intense fitness routines can be done safely during pregnancy - if the mums-to-be follow some guidelines.

Baby for Asher Keddie and Vincent Fantauzzo

Fans followed every step of her on-screen pregnancy in Offspring, now Asher Keddie is going to be a mum in real life too.

What parents really want for their kids

Are our hopes, dreams and expectations for our children what they really need?

'I had a feeling something was seriously wrong': the fight for Kaden's diagnosis

Before even giving birth, Katie Myers' maternal instincts warned her something was wrong with her baby.

When your pregnancy causes a relationship rift

Some dads-to-be don't miss a beat when their partner is pregnant; others struggle with a range of issues and can become withdrawn, right when their support is needed most.

Couple uses group photo trick to announce pregnancy to loved ones

Katharine and Kris Camilli devised a clever trick to immortalise their family and friends' reaction to their exciting pregnancy news.

Why Tracey Spicer has given up make-up

"After 30 years on television, I had become what I despised: a painted doll who spent an hour a day and close to $200 a week putting on a mask."

Empowering bikini photo of 46-year-old mum goes viral

When a group of teenagers made rude remarks about her body as she walked past them in a bikini at the local beach, Julie Cross refused to cover up.

Devastated widow discovers she's pregnant the day before husband's funeral

They had been trying to conceive a baby for seven years. Tragically Kristy Kirchner found out she was pregnant the day before her husband Royce's funeral.

Win a family pass to Disney Live!

We have 4 family passes to give away to see Disney Live! presents Three Classic Fairy Tales, touring Australia this December/January.

Gabriella Goat sues Peppa Pig

Every toddler's favourite television pig is being sued by an Italian woman who shares a name with a Peppa Pig character.

Meet the Mpregs, the male pregnancy enthusiasts

"Men can't have babies - that's something only women can do! But our community is full of like-minded people who wish otherwise."

Your new motherhood survival kit

Forget about the bright, pretty baby things - while you're in survival mode, all you'll need are the essentials.

More than 100,000 cars recalled globally after death of pregnant woman

The announcement of a mass recall comes as Malaysian police investigate the death of pregnant woman in July.

I had a 'good baby' but still suffered from postnatal depression

I had a much wanted precious baby girl, a 'good baby' who slept well, self settled and was mostly content. It just seemed implausible to think I could succumb to depression.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Win one of 5 Little Tikes Cozy Coupe Sport

Australia?s No 1 selling car is now available in a Sports model and we have 5 to give away to some lucky Essential Baby families.

Join PADDINGTON on the red carpet!

To celebrate the release of PADDINGTON, we are giving five lucky winners the chance to win a family pass to the exclusive Australian Premiere in Sydney on December 7!

Knowing you are one of the lucky ones

I am secure, confident and strong, but the responsibility of protecting my children can almost bring me undone.

Why I am so emotional now I have kids?

There are so many ways in which parenthood changes us as women, but one of the most noticeable, for me, has been the changing state of my emotions.

Baby survives despite sharing womb with 'foreign body'

Baby Maia was conceived against the odds, only to find she was sharing a womb with an ominous "foreign body".

Video: Baby shows dog how to jump - or vice versa

They say dog is man's best friend, but this playful pooch seems to have chosen a jumping baby as her number one buddy.

10 ways to soothe a crying baby

New paernts can get frustrated when their newborn gets fussy and can't settle down. When you're feeling overwhelmed, try some of these simple tips to help soothe your baby.

20 baby names that are becoming more popular every year

The data-lovers at nameberry.com have been at it again – this time, they’ve discovered the names that are continually rising up the ranks, ready to take out some top spots in the next few years.

10 great meals to make for new parents

Ideally, you want to give food that isn’t expensive to make, isn't too difficult to create, and freezes well; stews, bakes, soups and pasta sauces are perfect.

'It's not you, it's me': Boston bombing survivor mum to have leg amputated

Rebekah DiMartino is going through a break-up. She even wrote a farewell love letter. But it's not to her husband.

What it's like to go through early menopause

In a cruel twist, Carla had been breastfeeding and perimenopausal at the same time. But she's far from the only one to go through menopause early.

Restaurant served alcohol to two-year-old

Busy restaurants can be forgiven for getting food and drink orders mixed up from time to time, but not when the confusion leads to a two-year-old being served an alcoholic cocktail instead of the child-friendly beverage they ordered.

Julia Morris tells of miscarriage on a flight

Julia Morris has spoken about the devastation of suffering a miscarriage while on an international flight.

Woman's survival after birth 'a story of two miracles'

A US mother is home and tending to her new baby less than a month after surviving without a pulse for 45 minutes.

Eating ice may give mental boost to the iron deficient: study

A new study proposes that, like a strong cup of coffee, ice may give those with insufficient iron a much-needed mental boost.

Tiny lives in caring hands: Thank U NICU Day

Each year in Australia, over 40,000 newborns need the help of a special care nursery or neonatal intensive care unit. One day a year, the staff are honoured by the parents they help through those dark days.

I paid $50,000 to have a girl

This time my husband and I hadn't taken any chances. We had paid $50,000 and travelled 13,000 kilometres to make sure the baby growing inside me was female.

Weird pregnancy products

Some pregnancy products come to market and are just awesome. Others just leave you scratching your head.

Dear firstborn, I'm sorry

Being a first-time mum is tough for so many reasons – particularly because you really have no idea what you're doing.

A trace of sesame could kill my son

Helen Richardson son's had two anaphylactic reactions in a month. It's traumatic for everyone.

When you know before the test says yes

It wasn't a pregnancy test or missed period that told me I was pregnant with my second baby; it was too early for those things. A doner kebab told me I was going to be a mum again.

What not to do when your partner is in labour

Robbie Williams stole the show during his wife Ayda's labour, pretty much demonstrating everything on the "what not to do when your partner is in labour" list.

Best maternity swimwear and beach cover-ups

Thinking about a tropical babymoon but have nothing to wear? Here are some great swimwear and beach cover-up options for mums-to-be.

Dad breastfeeds his babies

Trevor Macdonald has now been pregnant twice, and is successfully breastfeeding his newest family member.

 

How many weeks til Christmas?

On your To-Do list

Get the "Santa" shopping done without the kids in tow.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.