Jump to content

The "Whatever" attitude


  • Please log in to reply
19 replies to this topic

#1 purpleblackqueen

Posted 17 January 2013 - 04:38 PM

I am so over this "Whatever" attitude that is coming out of my 11yr old, everything seems to go in one ear and out the other. She has an "I dont care" mentality, which is coming out more of late.

She has currently had her new IPOD convisgated and is close to losing her sleepover party tomorrow night.

I know she has had a rough year, but still that is no excuse and I am no longer going to put up with it.

Are your kids the same? How do you deal with it?

#2 mitty82

Posted 17 January 2013 - 04:59 PM

hey purpleblackqueen,
yes my daughter was like that, and we just did what you are doing. The whole take away their currency etc, you will learn what that is by the biggest reaction when you take something away from them. It took nearly over a year and a half for it to settle down and it settled down after a very explosive tanty. She told us she didnt want to live at our house and never wanted to be in our family. My husband who is normally the most patient of all told her the door is there and the suitcase is under our bed. It was late at night and she said no it is too dark and instantly she knew that she had hit that point of oh crap.
She may be pushing you if you are feeling vunerable or the discipline has slipped. I know sometimes we get a bit complacent everynow and then. Then the kids behaviour gets worse.
At the moment it is our 4 yr old who I swear is going through the terrible twos all over again.

#3 ~THE~MAGICIAN~

Posted 17 January 2013 - 05:15 PM

My 11yo DD is pretty good most of the time, so no advice really. But as you said she has had a BIG year, bigger than most of us might have in our entire life, cut her some slack, spend more time with her doing fun things especially when Jackson goes to bed, cut right back on your housework lists and really really turn it around to spend quality time with those kids. It really is the best thing you could ever do.



#4 Fr0g

Posted 17 January 2013 - 05:19 PM

My son could be your daughter (also 11).

We're in the same boat; doing what you are. The most important thing I think, is to follow through with consequences. It seems to be a bit of testing the waters with DS - like he wants confirmation that we'll do what we threaten, IYKWIM?

So much of what you post about H seems totally age-appropriate, you're doing a good job!

#5 Fr0g

Posted 17 January 2013 - 05:21 PM

Double post

Edited by FrogIsAFrogIsAFrog, 17 January 2013 - 05:27 PM.


#6 kadoodle

Posted 17 January 2013 - 05:23 PM

My almost 11 yo DD is like this.  She's rude, snarky and a complete smart a*se when she wants to be.  I come close to wringing her neck some days.  Last night I lost my temper completely and tore her a new one before hustling her into bed.  I feel really weak - I mean, I'm the adult FFS, I should be able to be zen with the kind of rude that I used to dish out to my parents - not to mention guilty.  I should be providing a safe environment for her to grow and develop her personality, not flay her when it gets too much.

I hope someone gives you a good answer, OP, because I have NFI

#7 miinii

Posted 17 January 2013 - 05:24 PM

QUOTE (~THE~MAGICIAN~ @ 17/01/2013, 06:15 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
My 11yo DD is pretty good most of the time, so no advice really. But as you said she has had a BIG year, bigger than most of us might have in our entire life, cut her some slack, spend more time with her doing fun things especially when Jackson goes to bed, cut right back on your housework lists and really really turn it around to spend quality time with those kids. It really is the best thing you could ever do.


agree 100%

#8 purpleblackqueen

Posted 17 January 2013 - 05:25 PM

QUOTE (~THE~MAGICIAN~ @ 17/01/2013, 06:15 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
My 11yo DD is pretty good most of the time, so no advice really. But as you said she has had a BIG year, bigger than most of us might have in our entire life, cut her some slack, spend more time with her doing fun things especially when Jackson goes to bed, cut right back on your housework lists and really really turn it around to spend quality time with those kids. It really is the best thing you could ever do.



I spend quality time with the kids at night, reading stories, watching movies, talking, playing games, going for walks, paint nails etc etc

#9 ~Elphaba~

Posted 17 January 2013 - 07:42 PM

Ahh, I see your problem.  What you got there is a pre teen!

If it is any consolation, the stage doesn't last forever.  My girl is now almost 17 and is an absolute delight to be around.  She has been for a few years now.  But between 12 and 14, well, lets just say that's when we (us and her father/stepmother) coined the term "Princess Bi*chface".

I can't think of anything to help that you aren't already doing.  Just stick with it and keep telling yourself "this too shall pass".

Edited by ~Elphaba~, 17 January 2013 - 07:43 PM.


#10 Expelliarmus

Posted 17 January 2013 - 09:32 PM

Yep, you just have to ride this one out ...

#11 sueb31

Posted 18 January 2013 - 07:55 AM

Given her age and what she has been through in the last year, I would also be thinking about whether she was developing a depression. Hard to pick in someone that age. But the disturbed sleep you have written about and a few other things make me think it would be worth checking out.

Some info here
http://www.blackdoginstitute.org.au/public.../inchildren.cfm

I know it can be very hard telling the difference between difficult pre-teen and a depressed pre-teen, but in your daughter's case especially, I would be checking to be sure. She has several risk factors.

Sue




#12 Carmen02

Posted 18 January 2013 - 07:59 AM

my DD is driving me nuts with her whatever attitude lately! She says she doesnt care about things and picks fights the works, the attitude sticks. DD gets pocket money based on chores done and behaviour, she hasnt recieved it in almost 4 weeks and doesnt have her ipod or PSP...you have my full sympathy!

#13 Sweet like a lemon

Posted 18 January 2013 - 08:41 AM

QUOTE (~THE~MAGICIAN~ @ 17/01/2013, 06:15 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
My 11yo DD is pretty good most of the time, so no advice really. But as you said she has had a BIG year, bigger than most of us might have in our entire life, cut her some slack, spend more time with her doing fun things especially when Jackson goes to bed, cut right back on your housework lists and really really turn it around to spend quality time with those kids. It really is the best thing you could ever do.


You realise yours is the exception then not the norm? Possibly like me she is a late bloomer in which case you'll know all about it when she hits 13.

I think what the OP needs is coping strategies to navigate this incredibly difficult but normal phase and these can be very difficult to achieve especially if you're a single parent and most especially when you've been though a lot a trauma. I don't have any to offer but I would say remain strict but loving and accessible to her. Separate the behaviour from the person so she is aware it is her attitude and not her existence that is the problem. Know that one day she will grow up into a lovely young woman and once she has her own little brood she'll get exactly where you're coming from.  

I'm dreading the years ahead. I was the teen from hell (my parents would tell you I was divine until I hit 13) and my DD is very strong willed so I'm terrified she will be same as me. The horror.

Edited by ForsakenTruth, 18 January 2013 - 08:42 AM.


#14 Rachaelxxx

Posted 18 January 2013 - 09:00 AM

I just keep pulling my daughter in constantly and she is getting the message that it's not okay to behave that way. I call it "being a princess".  I also make sure I follow through with my threats as well.

#15 *lightning

Posted 18 January 2013 - 09:02 AM

I have noticed by the OP's posts that she is very busy and stressed with a lot on her plate. I agree with cutting back on long lists of stuff to do and try more one on one time with your children.

You have an hormonal pre-teen and they can be difficult but she could also be feeding off your stress.

Edited by *lightning, 18 January 2013 - 09:03 AM.


#16 elizabethany

Posted 18 January 2013 - 09:03 AM

I don't have a 11YO DD, but I was one, and a b**chy pain in the a*se one at that.  I didn't talk to my parents despite living in the same home between that ages of 11 and 17, and what finally fixed it was when I moved out at 18.

I was depressed, but while all the adults around me knew, none of them, teachers, parents, family friends, tried to help me deal with that or get me professional help, and at 11 I didn't have the knowledge or means to deal with it myself.  I dealt with it by emotionally locking myself away, developing a "whatever" attitude, even though I didn't feel like that inside.  It felt good to see my mum hurt, because then at least she felt what I was going through.

What would have helped me was 1) professional help to deal with the depression and emotions of teenagehood, adn 2) some structured independance, allowing me some autonomy about how I ran my life, with more choice than what cereal to have for breakfast, or whether to have my hair in a high or low ponytail on school days.

#17 Pull Up A Beanbag

Posted 18 January 2013 - 09:04 AM

Just a question, from what I remember as my very needy pre and tten days...

My mother never did any of the stories, movies, etc, so you're already one step ahead, but when you're doing at it are you Really There?

Are you fully engaged in the moment? Or are you wondering about tomorrow's chores, your job interviews etc?

Kids, and especially self-absorbed teenagers (this is the age when it's all about them, don't forget) can tell if you're not truly in the moment with them.

I would have felt just as disconnected from a mum who was watching a movie on the couch with me and highly distracted, or on the laptop etc as from my mum who wasn't there at all.

Just something to focus on original.gif

Edited by rjflc69, 18 January 2013 - 01:53 PM.
Edit to remove signature as it is distorting page. PLEASE REDUCE SIGNATURE SIZE.Thanks


#18 purpleblackqueen

Posted 18 January 2013 - 09:14 AM

QUOTE (*lightning @ 18/01/2013, 10:02 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I have noticed by the OP's posts that she is very busy and stressed with a lot on her plate. I agree with cutting back on long lists of stuff to do and try more one on one time with your children.

You have an hormonal pre-teen and they can be difficult but she could also be feeding off your stress.



Yes I am busy - we have not long moved and still trying to sort and unpack, organise quotes to get stuff done etc, but I am not stressed at all.

QUOTE (Soprano-Cat @ 18/01/2013, 10:04 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Just a question, from what I remember as my very needy pre and tten days...

My mother never did any of the stories, movies, etc, so you're already one step ahead, but when you're doing at it are you Really There?

Are you fully engaged in the moment? Or are you wondering about tomorrow's chores, your job interviews etc?

Kids, and especially self-absorbed teenagers (this is the age when it's all about them, don't forget) can tell if you're not truly in the moment with them.

I would have felt just as disconnected from a mum who was watching a movie on the couch with me and highly distracted, or on the laptop etc as from my mum who wasn't there at all.

Just something to focus on original.gif


I am fully engaged in the moment whenever I and spending time with my kids.

#19 sueb31

Posted 18 January 2013 - 01:40 PM

QUOTE (elizabethany @ 18/01/2013, 09:03 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I don't have a 11YO DD, but I was one, and a b**chy pain in the a*se one at that.  I didn't talk to my parents despite living in the same home between that ages of 11 and 17, and what finally fixed it was when I moved out at 18.

I was depressed, but while all the adults around me knew, none of them, teachers, parents, family friends, tried to help me deal with that or get me professional help, and at 11 I didn't have the knowledge or means to deal with it myself.  I dealt with it by emotionally locking myself away, developing a "whatever" attitude, even though I didn't feel like that inside.  It felt good to see my mum hurt, because then at least she felt what I was going through.

What would have helped me was 1) professional help to deal with the depression and emotions of teenagehood, adn 2) some structured independance, allowing me some autonomy about how I ran my life, with more choice than what cereal to have for breakfast, or whether to have my hair in a high or low ponytail on school days.

This is what I mean. I know pre teens can be hard work but it doesn't mean you should ignore the possibility that they could be depressed. Especially when there are extra stressors thrown into the mix.


#20 Heather11

Posted 18 January 2013 - 01:47 PM

Are the kids still having counselling sessions PBQ?  Maybe you can raise it with the Counselor.

It could simply be the preteen attitude.  My DD has her moments.  Your children however have had added upheaval in their young lives.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

What you need to know about ovulation tests

Most people who are trying to get pregnant know that the best time to conceive is in the few days after ovulation.

Surviving a miscarriage at sea

A cruise with your family is among the most absurd settings for a miscarriage, but it is certainly not the worst.

Mum of three denied tubal ligation because she's 'too young'

A 22-year-old woman who is pregnant with her third child has had her requests for a tubal ligation denied because doctors believe she is too young.

Slapped cheek syndrome a danger for pregnant women

When a pregnant woman is infected, the likelihood that her foetus will be infected is about 50 per cent.

The signs and symptoms of ovulation

If you're hoping to conceive, one of the most important things you need to know about is ovulation.

We all know 'mum guilt' - but what about 'dad guilt'?

I remember the first time I felt mum guilt, within days of having my first child. The feeling was so intense I rang my own mum to debrief, hoping she'd tell me I wouldn't feel this way very often.

Kristen Bell urges mums to be their own superhero

When it comes to motherhood, actress Kristen Bell is her own superhero and she thinks other mums should be too.

Pram review: GB Pockit travel stroller

In a world of ever-shrinking gadgets, it's no surprise prams are getting smaller. We put the record-holding GB Pockit through its paces.

The beautiful Bombol Bouncer is back

The gorgeous Bombol Bouncer is back - and boasts two chic new colours to boot.

Gadgets and accessories for wine lovers

Looking for a gift for the wine lover in your life - or just something for yourself?

Free ticket offer

Pinky Mckay joins us again at the Essential Baby & Toddler Show presented by Blackmores with her expert baby settling advice. Register now for your free ticket.

The adventure doesn't have to stop: here's how to travel with baby

The best part about our outdoor adventures? It makes my husband and I better parents, since we're happier while adventuring.

Woman crashes car to save mum and baby's life

A good samaritan saved a mother and baby from being seriously injured by crashing her own car into theirs.

Should you tell your boss about your postnatal depression?

Returning to work after having a baby can be daunting, and when you're experiencing postnatal depression or anxiety it can seem even more overwhelming.

TV noise can slow toddler word learning, study finds

Background noise from the radio or TV might be making it harder for your toddler to learn learn new words.

Teresa Palmer on her molar pregnancy and 'unsexy' conception

Teresa Palmer is basking in pregnancy glow as she awaits the arrival of her new baby.

 
Advertisement
 

Top 5 Articles

Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

For the festival lover in all of us

Pre-book & Save 50%. Get your tickets now for Kidtopia Festival. 7-9 October 2016 Parramatta Park, Sydney.

Why drinking water can be deadly for babies

H2O is one of the necessities of life, but for babies a seemingly harmless amount of water can be fatal.

5 ways having a baby is different when you have older children

So much parenting advice is geared towards having your first baby, but what's it like having a baby when you already have children?

You can now make your own plush Falkor

Fans of The NeverEnding Story – of which there are certainly plenty – went crazy for these plush Falkors when they first went on sale last year.

Baby steps

10 things that will actually happen after having a baby

I thought I had prepared myself for motherhood. Then my baby girl arrived and knocked everything flat.

Having a baby: expectations vs reality

People love to warn you about what to expect when having a baby, but they can be way off when it comes to the reality.

Are we having fun yet? Thinking positively as a parent

Motherhood is wonderful ... except when it sucks.

The adorable smile of a baby seeing his mum clearly for the first time

There is no doubt seeing their child smile for the first time is an unforgettable moment for parents everywhere.

When breastfeeding doesn't go with the flow

Breast is best, except when it's not. And in our case, it most definitely wasn't.

'If you don't vaccinate your kids you're a bloody idiot'

The photos are heartbreaking and almost too difficult to look at, but Kayley Burke is begging other parents to take notice.

Why pregnant women should eat chocolate

In news that will make expectant mums jump for joy - and reach for a block of Cadbury - scientists have revealed chocolate could provide health benefits during pregnancy.

The baby born with an incredible head of hair

If you're in any way challenged in the follicle department, prepare to feel a jolt of envy - at a two-month-old baby.

The push for Medicare to fund lactation consultants

While meeting with a lactation consultant can make an enormous difference to a new mother, it's not a service that is available through the public health system.

Parents, this is how to cut grapes to avoid choking

One mum has learnt a harrowing lesson about the best way to cut grapes to make it safe for toddlers and little kids to eat.

Three truths about C-section mums

Lately I've been thinking about the caesarean stories and the brave women who birth their children with strength and beauty.

Help! My baby will only sleep in my arms

It's stressful to be the one who is holding your baby most of the day, but it's even more stressful to wonder, 'am I doing something wrong? Or am I creating bad habits?'

 

Free ticket offer

Essential Baby & Toddler Show - Sydney

The Essential Baby & Toddler Show, presented by Blackmores, will be held in Sydney on 23-25 September. Register for your free ticket now to save $20!

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.