Jump to content

Do you think this is disrespectful? I feel disrespected anyway.


  • Please log in to reply
14 replies to this topic

#1 treetree

Posted 16 January 2013 - 09:55 PM

...

Edited by treetree, 22 January 2013 - 11:25 PM.


#2 CallMeFeral

Posted 16 January 2013 - 10:11 PM

He's acting like one of the kids, making you the only rule enforcer, and 'parent' in the house. And the baddy.

Some time, maybe on a weekend so it won't affect your kids school, I'd just have a go at being the child. Let him know that it's your turn to be irresponsible, and then just go for it. Don't cook dinner, don't get to bed, undermine him if/when he tries... and make DAMN sure that HE'S the one who has to cop the fallout of tired cranky kids the next day. Book a spa or something for yourself for the second day.

At the end of a couple of days of this, you can have a discussion with him about how hard it is to enforce rules, and that's why it needs two of you to do so.

I can see why you feel disrespected. I think in your place, I wouldn't feel disrespected as it's more like your DH being irresponsible and non-forward thinking. But I'd certainly feel very hard done by and alone in the parent role, and be getting it sorted out ASAP!

#3 Fossy

Posted 16 January 2013 - 10:23 PM

Yes, you lost me at
QUOTE
I cook dinner. Every night. Every single night.




#4 IShallWearMidnight

Posted 16 January 2013 - 10:32 PM

if dinner is important to you, then I'd be saying 'sorry, you've missed dinner, go make a sandwich' if they didn't come when warned and reminded.
I'd have a printed chore list, and you don't get tv etc until the chores are all done. If he tells the kids not to worry, the that chore becomes his.

#5 Cherish

Posted 16 January 2013 - 10:38 PM

Sounds like he needs to lift his game to me

#6 ~shannon~

Posted 16 January 2013 - 10:50 PM

I also cook every night (not really by choice, just that DH can't even boil water - his cooking is terrible but he contributes to the household duties in other ways) and I also get annoyed when I call everyone for dinner and they take ages to show up.

Now what I do is start eating on my own without them. Their dinner sits there going cold, while I enjoy the peace and quiet or flick the TV onto whatever I want to watch. It's rare for me to be able to finish dinner without interruptions (child wants a drink, child spills something, child has a tantrum, etc).
Usually the children are around so they join me at the table, but if DH takes his time to come to the table, then that's his problem.

As for chores.... I wouldn't stand it if DH was lazy. I would breathe fire on his backside to make him take some responsibility for running the household as well as child-rearing. I don't think stooping to his level will help the situation (ie. don't do anything and see if he likes it) because men don't care as much as we do. I would simply tell him straight how you need his help and give him a list.

(Edited to correct spelling)

Edited by ~shannon~, 16 January 2013 - 10:51 PM.


#7 AntiBourgeoisie

Posted 16 January 2013 - 11:00 PM

I don't think its 'disrespectful'.

I think he needs to start acting like he's the other parent in the family though.



#8 ubermum

Posted 16 January 2013 - 11:01 PM

People treat you the way you let them treat you. You are letting him walk all over you and teach the kids to do the same.

#9 kpingitquiet

Posted 16 January 2013 - 11:03 PM

Get yourself a Chow Bell (triangle or bell type) and ring it when grub is up. Sit down, enjoy your meal with whomever shows up. Everyone else eats cold food or makes a sandwich.

And I definitely agree with the chore chart, with Dad having the first line on the list!

As for the time-together and bedtime issues, I'd pick a calm, non-critical moment (easy to say when I only have one kid, I know) and communicate about it.

#10 Phascogale

Posted 17 January 2013 - 05:29 AM

I'm not sure whether disrespected is the right word.  I would feel very annoyed and cranky so I hear what you are saying.

And I agree with PP's who say that your husband is acting like another child.  I have one of those too but he's realised just how much work I do when I become the primary breadwinner this year (hopefully for not too much longer).

I agree with PP's, call out for dinner.  If your husband doesn't come then let him eat it cold.  

With the movie stuff - as it was holidays I would've let that go but your husband would be responsible for getting said child to bed and up in the morning (if you have to wake the child then I wouldn't let it go as it makes your life harder).  You may have to compromise things like this and have them on the weekend.

You could go on strike and only do what you have to one week/weekend so your husband has an idea of what you actually do - only do bare minimum for the kids ie baked beans on toast for dinner (or whatever).  Better would be if you go away for a couple of days (you'd have to take the baby if they're really young as you're breastfeeding) and then he has to do everything (unless he'll palm the child care off to his mother or something).

But you'll need to find some time to have a chat with him (out to dinner just the two of you if you have a baby sitter) and come to some compromise.  Don't blame him but start with I statements ie I feel disrespected when I've said the child he needs to go to bed at 8pm and then he's told he can watch a movie rather than 'it's your fault the child doesn't go to bed when I tell him because you told him something else'.  Badly phrased but you get the idea.

#11 miinii

Posted 17 January 2013 - 07:53 AM

I dont think i would use the word disrespectful if it were my hubby who did it. Only because it would probably only be because whatever he was doing he literally could not put down that second and come in. Usually he is sitting there waiting for his dinner to be ready.

It does sound like your hubby is being very childish though and maybe you need to have a talk to him and explain how he is making you feel when he acts this way

#12 snuffles

Posted 17 January 2013 - 07:55 AM

Agree, he's behaving like one of the children.  Parents need to be a united front.

OT but ubermum that sig is so so wrong (my eyes!  my eyes!)



#13 Queen Yoda

Posted 17 January 2013 - 07:56 AM

QUOTE (kpingitquiet @ 16/01/2013, 11:03 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Get yourself a Chow Bell (triangle or bell type) and ring it when grub is up. Sit down, enjoy your meal with whomever shows up. Everyone else eats cold food or makes a sandwich.

Agree with this.  I give a final warning and then I sit down to have dinner.  If the kids or DH don't come then, that's their choice and I have learnt not to stress about it.  Nowdays, everyone sits down reasonably quickly - I rarely start eating by myself.

Also, stop cooking dinner every single night.  Your DH can manage at least one night.  My DH cooks at least one night during the week, that's the deal. Not take-away - cooks a meal. Each week, write up a list of meals that we have ingredients/food for and we cross the meals off as we go.  DH simply looks at the list, picks a meal and goes from there.  In the beginning, I had a small folder that had the recipes for some of our more common meals (eg. stir fry, spag bol, even how to make up a salad!).  DH just followed the instructions and learnt from there.  Now, he can make meals without the cookbook. HOWEVER, if you are not cooking the evening meal in this house, you are doing the kids bath and general house clean-up with the kids (picking up toys, putting away books, putting away pencils/markers, etc). I prefer to cook rather than chase after the kids through baths and clean-up, so I think I have the better deal cooking 4/5 weeknights.  original.gif

Your DH is not doing anything because that's what he wants and that's what is being perpetuated.  Of course he isn't going to change anything - the current arrangement suits him very well. If you want change, you have to stop the pattern of behaviour, starting with yourself.

#14 twinboys

Posted 17 January 2013 - 08:03 AM

If you have a BBQ get your DH to cook the meat a couple of times a week.

It is very interesting to see the way my DH acts when he has cooked the meat ( Yes I made the salad, marinated/prepared the meat, given him all the implements and trays he needs and set the table) It is like he has cooked the meal from scratch and we all have to sit and praise the way the meat was turned over on the hotplate and then plonked on the tray wink.gif

If your DH is cooking on the BBQ he will hopefully see how annoying it is when people disregard the call out when dinner is ready!
It also will get him more involved with the night time routine!

#15 MinkyMonkey

Posted 17 January 2013 - 08:13 AM

QUOTE (CallMeAliG @ 16/01/2013, 10:11 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
He's acting like one of the kids, making you the only rule enforcer, and 'parent' in the house. And the baddy.


yyes.gif nail on the head.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

What not to say to a new mum

Some phrases just pop out before you really think about them, but there are some things you should try to not say to a new mum.

Why I'm glad to be an indulgent granny

The phone calls started a couple of weeks ago. At about 5.30 each evening - if I am lucky - I will be greeted by a sweet, excited voice declaring: "'Allo Annie".

Is this the worst relationship advice ever published?

You sometimes have to wonder whether relationship/sex advice from magazines is designed to help or humiliate.

How you talk to your baby now can impact social skills later

People used to think that social skills were something kids were born with, not taught.

Three truths about C-section mums

Lately I've been thinking about the caesarean stories and the brave women who birth their children with strength and beauty.

Scientists predict when you should start a family

Scientists have calculated at exactly what age you need to start trying to get pregnant to have the best chance of realising your dream. 

Differently abled child

When 'protecting' a child is really a cover for judgement

Why are people so concerned for this happy child and his mother?

When toddlers have strange obsessions

When it comes to two-year-olds and birthday cakes there are a few requests that are usually at the top of the list. But a cake featuring a local personal injury lawyer?

When Mama Bear strikes

When we become mums, our instinct to protect our children and keep them safe from harm is so strong we're often likened to a Mama Bear protecting her cubs.  

Immunity boosters for kids

There are no guaranteed ways to avoid the dreaded winter illnesses completely, but there are ways we can boost our children's immunity.

Mum shares portrait of her proudly breastfeeding three-year-old

Jade Beall usually chooses to breastfeed her son, now 3, in private. This week, however, she shared portraits of her breastfeeding her preschooler.

Dealing with a toddler's morning tantrums

Your schedule is not important to your two-year-old, and you cannot convince her otherwise. So what can you do?

Child in suitcase 'could have died eight years ago'

A child whose remains were dumped in a suitcase in the South Australian bush is believed to have been a girl aged between two-and-a-half to four.

MP breastfeeds baby during parliamentary session

An Argentinian mum and politician has caused a stir on social media after being filmed breastfeeding her baby.

My baby's first seizure

It was 1am on a cold winter's night when I woke suddenly to the screams of my 12-month-old son. Our lives were about to change forever.

Portable pools 'more dangerous than permanent ones'

Inflatable and portable children's pools may be required to be sold with compulsory fencing to prevent backyard drownings, with some experts even floating the idea of a ban.

Heartbreaking moment mum kisses her one-week-old goodbye

At 11.07am on April 2 this year, Sarah Marriott welcomed baby Sebastian into the world.

The amazing Tee Pee bed and kid-friendly Frankie Bunk bed

These kids' beds definitely fit the brief of providing personality and personal space for little people who are moving up in the world.

The funny things kids say when you're pregnant

Since becoming noticeably pregnant, my son has taken more of an interest in the sibling he'll soon have.

The real problem with having one child

In this age of political correctness, it seems the one subject still subject to discrimination is that of the Only Child.

Six-week-old baby found dead, believed stabbed

A neighbour heard a child screaming before a baby was found dead, believed to have been stabbed, in a house in Newcastle.

The fire hazard in more than 70,000 Australian homes

So far, 206 Samsung washing machines have caught fire and some have exploded. But many remain in people's homes.

How having a baby can bring on OCD

We all know that having a baby can turn your life upside down - and it can also bring a raft of new anxieties and worries.

IVF gender selection being considered for Australian parents

Couples using IVF may be able to choose the gender of their babies and women could be financially compensated for donating their eggs.

The best age to get married (according to the latest study)

Not too young, and not too old. That's reportedly the best age to get married. Not everyone agrees.

Get your FREE Baby & Toddler Show ticket!

Get your free ticket to the Sydney Essential Baby & Toddler Show for September 25-27 - register online now.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Yes, you can get pregnant before your period returns post-baby

After giving birth, the last thing you want to think about is contraception. But you can get pregnant before your period comes back.

Fellow diner rewards mum after toddler's tantrum

Parents of toddlers everywhere know the feeling. After working up the courage to take your child out for lunch or dinner in public you are rewarded with a mid-meal meltdown. 

IKEA begins massive safety campaign after two toddler deaths

Two children were killed when pieces from their Malm furniture line tipped over.

Which beauty treatments are safe in pregnancy?

Is it safe to use fake tan, hair dye and nail varnish during pregnancy?

A dad's guide to hyperemesis

I am in no way qualified to advise women on how to cope with hyperemesis, but I've learnt some lessons that might be worth sharing with other partners.

The five ways I know my 'baby' is no longer a baby

The truth is, I can no longer deny that my walking, babbling, somewhat-independent little miss is no longer a bona fide 'baby'.

Woman adopts best friend's four daughters after cancer tragedy

Best friends share everything - and for these two life-long friends, that includes family.

Beaneasy: sweet nursery furniture with a twist

If you're looking to introduce an organic element into your baby's nursery but want to step away from natural timber, we have the perfect alternative.

Confirmed: men gain weight when they become dads

Men who become fathers experience weight gain and an increase in body mass index, a measurement of body fat based on height and weight, according to a new, large-scale study

Carer investigated over washing machine photo posted 'for a laugh'

She said the photo of a boy with Down syndrome in a washing machine was taken just for fun, but no one else was laughing.

The day my son started a fire

Would you know what to do in a fire emergency? How safe is your home and family?

Mum's premature labour nightmare after high tea salmonella outbreak

An opulent high tea at a luxury Melbourne hotel has left 44 people with salmonella poisoning - including a pregnant woman, who went into early labour.

The science of 'hangry': why some people get grumpy when hungry

Where does hanger come from? And why is it that only some people seem to get hangry?

What a baby with whooping cough sounds like

It's a heartbreaking video that anyone who has ever considered not vaccinating against whooping cough must see.

Couple's million dollar bill for premmie baby born on holiday

An Australian couple could face a medical expenses of more than $1 million after their baby boy was born three months prematurely while they were holidaying in Hawaii.

Coffee a day to keep disease at bay

Don't be surprised if your morning brew does more than wake you up. There's more to this magical elixir than you might think.

Why Prince George has 'two different looks'

Days out from Prince George's second birthday, his parents' tendency to dress him in classical style clothing has been revealed as a cunning ploy.

Husband films mum giving birth in moving car on freeway

An incredible birth video shows a mother delivering her own baby as her husband drives along a freeway in a vain attempt to reach hospital.

Breastfeeding while pregnant: is it safe?

Many women happily breastfeed well into pregnancy while others wean sooner; yet others continue to breastfeed both infants together. This is a personal choice.

Womb to world: transitioning your new baby

One minute they're contentedly snuggled in the sanctuary of their mum's tummy, and the next they arrive into an overwhelming reality of lights, cameras and action.

Gadgets

iSperm: the iPad home fertility test for men

A new gadget uses a tiny microscope and the camera on an iPad to calculate sperm count and motility.

The tiny twins who were strong from the start

I cried when a specialist told me at exactly 28 weeks that our twin boys would have to be born within 48 hours.

One day when I didn't know

Julia Watson, a mum of four young girls, was diagnosed with stage 4 bowel cancer in December 2013. She shares her latest blog piece with Essential Baby. 

 

FREE TICKET

See Pinky McKay live in Sydney

Get your free ticket to The Essential Baby & Toddler Show and save $20 - register online now!

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.