Jump to content

Do you think this is disrespectful? I feel disrespected anyway.


  • Please log in to reply
14 replies to this topic

#1 treetree

Posted 16 January 2013 - 09:55 PM

...

Edited by treetree, 22 January 2013 - 11:25 PM.


#2 CallMeFeral

Posted 16 January 2013 - 10:11 PM

He's acting like one of the kids, making you the only rule enforcer, and 'parent' in the house. And the baddy.

Some time, maybe on a weekend so it won't affect your kids school, I'd just have a go at being the child. Let him know that it's your turn to be irresponsible, and then just go for it. Don't cook dinner, don't get to bed, undermine him if/when he tries... and make DAMN sure that HE'S the one who has to cop the fallout of tired cranky kids the next day. Book a spa or something for yourself for the second day.

At the end of a couple of days of this, you can have a discussion with him about how hard it is to enforce rules, and that's why it needs two of you to do so.

I can see why you feel disrespected. I think in your place, I wouldn't feel disrespected as it's more like your DH being irresponsible and non-forward thinking. But I'd certainly feel very hard done by and alone in the parent role, and be getting it sorted out ASAP!

#3 Fossy

Posted 16 January 2013 - 10:23 PM

Yes, you lost me at
QUOTE
I cook dinner. Every night. Every single night.




#4 IShallWearMidnight

Posted 16 January 2013 - 10:32 PM

if dinner is important to you, then I'd be saying 'sorry, you've missed dinner, go make a sandwich' if they didn't come when warned and reminded.
I'd have a printed chore list, and you don't get tv etc until the chores are all done. If he tells the kids not to worry, the that chore becomes his.

#5 Cherish

Posted 16 January 2013 - 10:38 PM

Sounds like he needs to lift his game to me

#6 ~shannon~

Posted 16 January 2013 - 10:50 PM

I also cook every night (not really by choice, just that DH can't even boil water - his cooking is terrible but he contributes to the household duties in other ways) and I also get annoyed when I call everyone for dinner and they take ages to show up.

Now what I do is start eating on my own without them. Their dinner sits there going cold, while I enjoy the peace and quiet or flick the TV onto whatever I want to watch. It's rare for me to be able to finish dinner without interruptions (child wants a drink, child spills something, child has a tantrum, etc).
Usually the children are around so they join me at the table, but if DH takes his time to come to the table, then that's his problem.

As for chores.... I wouldn't stand it if DH was lazy. I would breathe fire on his backside to make him take some responsibility for running the household as well as child-rearing. I don't think stooping to his level will help the situation (ie. don't do anything and see if he likes it) because men don't care as much as we do. I would simply tell him straight how you need his help and give him a list.

(Edited to correct spelling)

Edited by ~shannon~, 16 January 2013 - 10:51 PM.


#7 AntiBourgeoisie

Posted 16 January 2013 - 11:00 PM

I don't think its 'disrespectful'.

I think he needs to start acting like he's the other parent in the family though.



#8 ubermum

Posted 16 January 2013 - 11:01 PM

People treat you the way you let them treat you. You are letting him walk all over you and teach the kids to do the same.

#9 kpingitquiet

Posted 16 January 2013 - 11:03 PM

Get yourself a Chow Bell (triangle or bell type) and ring it when grub is up. Sit down, enjoy your meal with whomever shows up. Everyone else eats cold food or makes a sandwich.

And I definitely agree with the chore chart, with Dad having the first line on the list!

As for the time-together and bedtime issues, I'd pick a calm, non-critical moment (easy to say when I only have one kid, I know) and communicate about it.

#10 Phascogale

Posted 17 January 2013 - 05:29 AM

I'm not sure whether disrespected is the right word.  I would feel very annoyed and cranky so I hear what you are saying.

And I agree with PP's who say that your husband is acting like another child.  I have one of those too but he's realised just how much work I do when I become the primary breadwinner this year (hopefully for not too much longer).

I agree with PP's, call out for dinner.  If your husband doesn't come then let him eat it cold.  

With the movie stuff - as it was holidays I would've let that go but your husband would be responsible for getting said child to bed and up in the morning (if you have to wake the child then I wouldn't let it go as it makes your life harder).  You may have to compromise things like this and have them on the weekend.

You could go on strike and only do what you have to one week/weekend so your husband has an idea of what you actually do - only do bare minimum for the kids ie baked beans on toast for dinner (or whatever).  Better would be if you go away for a couple of days (you'd have to take the baby if they're really young as you're breastfeeding) and then he has to do everything (unless he'll palm the child care off to his mother or something).

But you'll need to find some time to have a chat with him (out to dinner just the two of you if you have a baby sitter) and come to some compromise.  Don't blame him but start with I statements ie I feel disrespected when I've said the child he needs to go to bed at 8pm and then he's told he can watch a movie rather than 'it's your fault the child doesn't go to bed when I tell him because you told him something else'.  Badly phrased but you get the idea.

#11 miinii

Posted 17 January 2013 - 07:53 AM

I dont think i would use the word disrespectful if it were my hubby who did it. Only because it would probably only be because whatever he was doing he literally could not put down that second and come in. Usually he is sitting there waiting for his dinner to be ready.

It does sound like your hubby is being very childish though and maybe you need to have a talk to him and explain how he is making you feel when he acts this way

#12 snuffles

Posted 17 January 2013 - 07:55 AM

Agree, he's behaving like one of the children.  Parents need to be a united front.

OT but ubermum that sig is so so wrong (my eyes!  my eyes!)



#13 YodaTheWrinkledOne

Posted 17 January 2013 - 07:56 AM

QUOTE (kpingitquiet @ 16/01/2013, 11:03 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Get yourself a Chow Bell (triangle or bell type) and ring it when grub is up. Sit down, enjoy your meal with whomever shows up. Everyone else eats cold food or makes a sandwich.

Agree with this.  I give a final warning and then I sit down to have dinner.  If the kids or DH don't come then, that's their choice and I have learnt not to stress about it.  Nowdays, everyone sits down reasonably quickly - I rarely start eating by myself.

Also, stop cooking dinner every single night.  Your DH can manage at least one night.  My DH cooks at least one night during the week, that's the deal. Not take-away - cooks a meal. Each week, write up a list of meals that we have ingredients/food for and we cross the meals off as we go.  DH simply looks at the list, picks a meal and goes from there.  In the beginning, I had a small folder that had the recipes for some of our more common meals (eg. stir fry, spag bol, even how to make up a salad!).  DH just followed the instructions and learnt from there.  Now, he can make meals without the cookbook. HOWEVER, if you are not cooking the evening meal in this house, you are doing the kids bath and general house clean-up with the kids (picking up toys, putting away books, putting away pencils/markers, etc). I prefer to cook rather than chase after the kids through baths and clean-up, so I think I have the better deal cooking 4/5 weeknights.  original.gif

Your DH is not doing anything because that's what he wants and that's what is being perpetuated.  Of course he isn't going to change anything - the current arrangement suits him very well. If you want change, you have to stop the pattern of behaviour, starting with yourself.

#14 twinboys

Posted 17 January 2013 - 08:03 AM

If you have a BBQ get your DH to cook the meat a couple of times a week.

It is very interesting to see the way my DH acts when he has cooked the meat ( Yes I made the salad, marinated/prepared the meat, given him all the implements and trays he needs and set the table) It is like he has cooked the meal from scratch and we all have to sit and praise the way the meat was turned over on the hotplate and then plonked on the tray wink.gif

If your DH is cooking on the BBQ he will hopefully see how annoying it is when people disregard the call out when dinner is ready!
It also will get him more involved with the night time routine!

#15 MinkyMonkey

Posted 17 January 2013 - 08:13 AM

QUOTE (CallMeAliG @ 16/01/2013, 10:11 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
He's acting like one of the kids, making you the only rule enforcer, and 'parent' in the house. And the baddy.


yyes.gif nail on the head.




0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

'I will defend my son's right to wear a tutu'

Three-year-old boy Roo likes to wear tutus and, until now, it hasn't been a problem.

Chinese sign up toddlers for chief executive classes

CHILDREN as young as three are being enrolled in "chief executive courses" in China as pushy parents become obsessed with giving their offspring an advantage over their young peers.

Free ticket offer

Pinky Mckay joins us again at the Essential Baby & Toddler Show presented by Blackmores with her expert baby settling advice. Register now for your free ticket.

The 'best little baby' and the police officer who rescued him

"And just in my head, I'm a father myself, and I couldn't sit there and let him ... I couldn't let him sit in that."

Olympian sells medal to pay for child's cancer treatment

An Olympian has sold his medal to help fund cancer treatment for a 3-year-old boy.

Family of mum who took her own life speak out about PND

From the outside it looked like Allison Goldstein was blissfully happy. She had a new baby, a loving husband, and was part of a close knit-family.

For the festival lover in all of us

Pre-book & Save 50%. Get your tickets now for Kidtopia Festival. 7-9 October 2016 Parramatta Park, Sydney.

BuggyCart solves the dilemma of shopping with a pram

Ducking to the shops for some groceries is a whole other ballgame once you have a baby.

Viral photo shows powerful moment before second baby's arrival

While our second baby was very much wanted, I wondered if I could love another baby as much as I loved my first.

What does a baby with whooping cough sound like? Sometimes like this

It's a heartbreaking video that's difficult to watch, but that's just what Sydney mum of two Sandra wants people to do.

Cheers! Why we're all happy to be bad mothers now

A new generation of mums is resisting the pressure to be "perfect" - and revelling in their naughty side?

Dealing with mealtime fussiness: mums share their tips

It can be frustrating, worrying, and turn into a battle of wills - but it doesn't have to be like that

Why having a puppy is like parenting a child

Despite being a dog owner and a parent, I've never been able to relate to the idea that the two have many similarities – until now.

Baby Joey is sleeping star in adorable photos

When photographer mum Laura Izumikawa puts her baby daughter down to sleep, the last thing on her mind is rest.

The necessity of 'Do not disturb' signs for napping babies

Needless to say, the last thing any mum wants is for someone to loudly knock on the door and wake their sleeping cherub.

Mum's brutal truth about c-section: 'This is not the easy way out'

A new mum has shared photos of her caesarean section scar to prove she did not "take the easy way out" when giving birth to her son.

Twins give birth in same hospital just hours apart

Leanne went into labour on July 28, and remarkably, her twin sister Natalie soon followed.

Goki Ride-On cars for toddlers

Toddlers just love to ride on anything with wheels but will often reject the pram once they can walk.

Letting your health slide as you look after the kids? Here's how to get out of the trap

It's time to start prioritising our own health, as well as the health of our children, to avoid longer lasting health challenges.

How to child-proof every room in your house

A guide to making your home a safer place for little ones.

Portable pool safety reminder after toddler's death

The drowning of a Hobart toddler has prompted a coroner to remind the community that even inflatable and portable pools must be fenced.

I have a clingy toddler - help!

"Nothing stops the clinginess - he cries when I put him down, no matter how long I hold him."

Woman sues after botched termination leads to motherhood

A 23-year-old mother is suing her GP and the public health system for thousands of dollars to support her son after her termination went wrong.

 
Advertisement
 

Top 5 Articles

Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

For the festival lover in all of us

Pre-book & Save 50%. Get your tickets now for Kidtopia Festival. 7-9 October 2016 Parramatta Park, Sydney.

Ex-Perth model stuck with 12kg leg after limb doubles in size during pregnancy

"I often have strangers coming over to me when I'm out asking bluntly what's wrong with my leg. I often just laugh now and tell them I've been attacked by a shark and walk off, it definitely stumps people."

Same sex couple 'blessed' with triplets via surrogacy

They feared they would never get to be parents, but a same sex couple is now adjusting to life with newborn triplets.

Should children be given antibiotics in their first year?

Here are the the pros and cons of giving antibiotics to young babies.

Baby born on mum AND dad's birthday

The birth of a baby is always a special occasion, but one couple who welcomed their first child earlier this week had more reason to celebrate than most.

The joys (and benefits) of show and tell

Show and tell has been around for donkey's years. Well, at least since I was a kid, and according to my own children, I'm pretty old.

Loyal dog dies saving baby's life during fire

A baby was rescued from a house fire after her family's loyal dog used his body to shield the little girl from the flames.

How having a young baby or toddler changes your home decor

What to expect when living with an older baby or toddler - and how to manage the chaos.

I'm trying to keep my child-free friends in my life, but it's tough

I tried to prove to my single friends that I was the same I'd always been. But marriage did change me - and motherhood has, too

'There's a giant picture of BOOBS but I can not feed my child'

A mum was ushered out of an US department store's underwear section after discreetly breastfeeding her baby.

How baby Evelie was saved after being born without a heartbeat

Bethanie Millar didn't believe in miracles - until baby Evelie was born, that is.

How an Aldi staff member made one exhausted mum's day

It was a simple act of kindness, but one that made an exhausted mother's day.

OvuSense: the new internal monitor helping predict ovulation

When a couple is trying to conceive it is easy for a woman to become obsessed about when she ovulates.

Mum-to-be surprises husband with big news in joy-filled photoshoot

When Bri Dow learnt that she was expecting, she immediately knew she wanted to break the news to her husband Brandon in a special way.

How a homemade wheelchair is giving baby Evelyn freedom

Like all one-year-olds, Evelyn Moore is keen to get moving and explore the world around her. But a battle with aggressive cancer left the little girl paralysed from the waist down.

Adorable: App captures special moments of pregnancy and motherhood

There's something about motherhood that turns even the most reluctant photographer into a keen shutterbug as they strive to capture all the best moments of life with a baby.

Dad shares horror tale after Roomba's run-in with dog poop

It's the poop story that's been shared hundreds of thousands of times around the world.

What I miss about commuting

A recent long commute for a job reminded me there are some potential positives to the experience.

 

SYDNEY SHOW - 23-25 Sept

Essential Baby & Toddler Show - Sydney

The Essential Baby & Toddler Show, presented by Blackmores, will be held in Sydney on 23-25 September. Register for your free ticket now to save $20!

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.