Jump to content

Do you think this is disrespectful? I feel disrespected anyway.


  • Please log in to reply
14 replies to this topic

#1 treetree

Posted 16 January 2013 - 09:55 PM

...

Edited by treetree, 22 January 2013 - 11:25 PM.


#2 CallMeFeral

Posted 16 January 2013 - 10:11 PM

He's acting like one of the kids, making you the only rule enforcer, and 'parent' in the house. And the baddy.

Some time, maybe on a weekend so it won't affect your kids school, I'd just have a go at being the child. Let him know that it's your turn to be irresponsible, and then just go for it. Don't cook dinner, don't get to bed, undermine him if/when he tries... and make DAMN sure that HE'S the one who has to cop the fallout of tired cranky kids the next day. Book a spa or something for yourself for the second day.

At the end of a couple of days of this, you can have a discussion with him about how hard it is to enforce rules, and that's why it needs two of you to do so.

I can see why you feel disrespected. I think in your place, I wouldn't feel disrespected as it's more like your DH being irresponsible and non-forward thinking. But I'd certainly feel very hard done by and alone in the parent role, and be getting it sorted out ASAP!

#3 Fossy

Posted 16 January 2013 - 10:23 PM

Yes, you lost me at
QUOTE
I cook dinner. Every night. Every single night.




#4 Feralishous

Posted 16 January 2013 - 10:32 PM

if dinner is important to you, then I'd be saying 'sorry, you've missed dinner, go make a sandwich' if they didn't come when warned and reminded.
I'd have a printed chore list, and you don't get tv etc until the chores are all done. If he tells the kids not to worry, the that chore becomes his.

#5 Cherish

Posted 16 January 2013 - 10:38 PM

Sounds like he needs to lift his game to me

#6 ~shannon~

Posted 16 January 2013 - 10:50 PM

I also cook every night (not really by choice, just that DH can't even boil water - his cooking is terrible but he contributes to the household duties in other ways) and I also get annoyed when I call everyone for dinner and they take ages to show up.

Now what I do is start eating on my own without them. Their dinner sits there going cold, while I enjoy the peace and quiet or flick the TV onto whatever I want to watch. It's rare for me to be able to finish dinner without interruptions (child wants a drink, child spills something, child has a tantrum, etc).
Usually the children are around so they join me at the table, but if DH takes his time to come to the table, then that's his problem.

As for chores.... I wouldn't stand it if DH was lazy. I would breathe fire on his backside to make him take some responsibility for running the household as well as child-rearing. I don't think stooping to his level will help the situation (ie. don't do anything and see if he likes it) because men don't care as much as we do. I would simply tell him straight how you need his help and give him a list.

(Edited to correct spelling)

Edited by ~shannon~, 16 January 2013 - 10:51 PM.


#7 AntiBourgeoisie

Posted 16 January 2013 - 11:00 PM

I don't think its 'disrespectful'.

I think he needs to start acting like he's the other parent in the family though.



#8 ubermum

Posted 16 January 2013 - 11:01 PM

People treat you the way you let them treat you. You are letting him walk all over you and teach the kids to do the same.

#9 kpingitquiet

Posted 16 January 2013 - 11:03 PM

Get yourself a Chow Bell (triangle or bell type) and ring it when grub is up. Sit down, enjoy your meal with whomever shows up. Everyone else eats cold food or makes a sandwich.

And I definitely agree with the chore chart, with Dad having the first line on the list!

As for the time-together and bedtime issues, I'd pick a calm, non-critical moment (easy to say when I only have one kid, I know) and communicate about it.

#10 Phascogale

Posted 17 January 2013 - 05:29 AM

I'm not sure whether disrespected is the right word.  I would feel very annoyed and cranky so I hear what you are saying.

And I agree with PP's who say that your husband is acting like another child.  I have one of those too but he's realised just how much work I do when I become the primary breadwinner this year (hopefully for not too much longer).

I agree with PP's, call out for dinner.  If your husband doesn't come then let him eat it cold.  

With the movie stuff - as it was holidays I would've let that go but your husband would be responsible for getting said child to bed and up in the morning (if you have to wake the child then I wouldn't let it go as it makes your life harder).  You may have to compromise things like this and have them on the weekend.

You could go on strike and only do what you have to one week/weekend so your husband has an idea of what you actually do - only do bare minimum for the kids ie baked beans on toast for dinner (or whatever).  Better would be if you go away for a couple of days (you'd have to take the baby if they're really young as you're breastfeeding) and then he has to do everything (unless he'll palm the child care off to his mother or something).

But you'll need to find some time to have a chat with him (out to dinner just the two of you if you have a baby sitter) and come to some compromise.  Don't blame him but start with I statements ie I feel disrespected when I've said the child he needs to go to bed at 8pm and then he's told he can watch a movie rather than 'it's your fault the child doesn't go to bed when I tell him because you told him something else'.  Badly phrased but you get the idea.

#11 miinii

Posted 17 January 2013 - 07:53 AM

I dont think i would use the word disrespectful if it were my hubby who did it. Only because it would probably only be because whatever he was doing he literally could not put down that second and come in. Usually he is sitting there waiting for his dinner to be ready.

It does sound like your hubby is being very childish though and maybe you need to have a talk to him and explain how he is making you feel when he acts this way

#12 snuffles

Posted 17 January 2013 - 07:55 AM

Agree, he's behaving like one of the children.  Parents need to be a united front.

OT but ubermum that sig is so so wrong (my eyes!  my eyes!)



#13 YodaTheWrinkledOne

Posted 17 January 2013 - 07:56 AM

QUOTE (kpingitquiet @ 16/01/2013, 11:03 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Get yourself a Chow Bell (triangle or bell type) and ring it when grub is up. Sit down, enjoy your meal with whomever shows up. Everyone else eats cold food or makes a sandwich.

Agree with this.  I give a final warning and then I sit down to have dinner.  If the kids or DH don't come then, that's their choice and I have learnt not to stress about it.  Nowdays, everyone sits down reasonably quickly - I rarely start eating by myself.

Also, stop cooking dinner every single night.  Your DH can manage at least one night.  My DH cooks at least one night during the week, that's the deal. Not take-away - cooks a meal. Each week, write up a list of meals that we have ingredients/food for and we cross the meals off as we go.  DH simply looks at the list, picks a meal and goes from there.  In the beginning, I had a small folder that had the recipes for some of our more common meals (eg. stir fry, spag bol, even how to make up a salad!).  DH just followed the instructions and learnt from there.  Now, he can make meals without the cookbook. HOWEVER, if you are not cooking the evening meal in this house, you are doing the kids bath and general house clean-up with the kids (picking up toys, putting away books, putting away pencils/markers, etc). I prefer to cook rather than chase after the kids through baths and clean-up, so I think I have the better deal cooking 4/5 weeknights.  original.gif

Your DH is not doing anything because that's what he wants and that's what is being perpetuated.  Of course he isn't going to change anything - the current arrangement suits him very well. If you want change, you have to stop the pattern of behaviour, starting with yourself.

#14 twinboys

Posted 17 January 2013 - 08:03 AM

If you have a BBQ get your DH to cook the meat a couple of times a week.

It is very interesting to see the way my DH acts when he has cooked the meat ( Yes I made the salad, marinated/prepared the meat, given him all the implements and trays he needs and set the table) It is like he has cooked the meal from scratch and we all have to sit and praise the way the meat was turned over on the hotplate and then plonked on the tray wink.gif

If your DH is cooking on the BBQ he will hopefully see how annoying it is when people disregard the call out when dinner is ready!
It also will get him more involved with the night time routine!

#15 MinkyMonkey

Posted 17 January 2013 - 08:13 AM

QUOTE (CallMeAliG @ 16/01/2013, 10:11 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
He's acting like one of the kids, making you the only rule enforcer, and 'parent' in the house. And the baddy.


yyes.gif nail on the head.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Special Ticket Offer, Save $8!

The Essential Baby & Toddler Show is back this April! Save $8 off the door price for a limited time only!

Finding baby name inspiration in unusual places

Sometimes the greatest baby name ideas come from the most unexpected places, as these EB members show.

The case for inducing at 37 weeks

While we often think of pregnancy as a 40 week affair, experts agree that 37 weeks is actually “full term". So is there an argument for inducing all births at 37 weeks?

Does controlled crying really work?

Controlled-crying techniques may help some babies sleep through the night, but for many exhausted new parents, it's just a recipe for more tears all round.

How I taught my infant to use a toilet

As people become more aware of these benefits, I hope more parents will practice this method, so we can cut down on nappies and improve baby bonding.

'I thought it was impossible': Emily Symons pregnant at 45

Aussie actress Emily Symons has announced she is pregnant with her first baby.

Shallow water blackout kills fit, healthy dad

A little girl will grow up without her father after the fit and healthy 34-year-old passed away while doing something he had practised his whole life.

Afternoon naps may be bad for toddlers' sleep

You could be doing yourself a disservice by encouraging your toddler to have an afternoon nap, according to new research.

Best gifts for newborns, new mums and christenings

We've compiled a guide to some of the most popular presents for newborns and new mums, and for christenings and naming days.

Jaime King to be a mum again

Actress Jaime King is pregnant with her second child, giving 16-month-old James a sibling.

Nannies should receive government funding

The Abbott government should extend funding to nannies, and direct childcare payments to low and middle income families, a landmark study on childcare has found. 

Common skin irritations in newborns (and how to treat them)

As many as one in two newborn babies suffer from skin irritations in their first few weeks. So what are the most common rashes and irritations to look out for?

10 wall decals for the nursery or playroom

Wall decals are the answer to creating a beautiful nursery or children's space without lifting a paint brush, a spirit level or even a hammer.

Preschooler walks 2.4km home alone

Three-year-old Cain Trainor headed off home after his first day at a new preschool without telling anyone.

Video: Why mums get nothing done

In spite of being in an almost constant state of motion while looking after the kids and trying to keep things together at home, it can seem as though parents have managed to get nothing on the to-do list done by the end of the day.

The middle name game

The middle name is no longer an afterthought, and parents' inspiration comes from many places.

Have a baby or your money back - but there's a catch

A new IVF scheme offers couples the chance to fall pregnant and give birth - or get their money back. But there's more to it than you might think.

A rare glimpse inside the womb

A baby born still inside the amniotic sac gave US doctors a rare glimpse at life inside the womb.

Battered mum forced to write to her attacker ex in jail

Three years ago Jason Hughes viciously attacked his ex-partner. Now she has to write to him three times a year.

Woman pleads not guilty to ultrasound scam

A West Australian woman will fight allegations that she scammed expectant mums by selling them fake ultrasound pictures of babies.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Brain damaged mum receives compensation

A Sydney mother who suffered brain damage when she was hit by a car while pushing her newborn baby in a pram has reached a confidential out-of-court settlement with the driver's insurance company.

Indigenous midwives break down the barriers

A culturally sensitive midwifery service has gained the trust and respect of Aboriginal women.

The Katering Show's next big delivery

Most mums-to-be plan to take things easy and perhaps have a little break from work as the birth of their baby draws near. Not Kate McCartney.

53 creative pregnancy announcements

Announcing that you're expecting can be a time to express your creativity, sense of humour and imagination. Check out how other parents and parents-to-be have broken the news to friends and family.

Why I have mixed feelings about Cindy Crawford's leaked photo

Last week an un-retouched photo of model Cindy Crawford surfaced, showing the 48-year-old mother-of -two posing in underwear.

How to create a Peppa Pig pancake

Thought your toddler could not love pancakes any more than they already do? How about if the breakfast treat came in the shape of every two-year-old's favourite cartoon character?

'It's a little life, not a little loss': pregnancy after miscarriage

I thought I was never going to be able to have a successful pregnancy. I decided that I wasn't going to form an emotional attachment with this baby.

Bonds Baby Search 2015: what you need to know

February 18 marks the start of one of the most prolific annual baby competitions in Australia: the Bonds Baby Search. And this year is going to be more special than ever.

Who will manage your Facebook account when you're gone?

This is not something that people like to talk about, but Facebook has announced that it will grant users more control over what happens to their pages after they die.

Struggling mum of four wins $188 million

Mother of four Marie Holmes was financially struggling after quitting her jobs at Walmart and McDonald's in order to care for her children.

Pregnant obese women a 'relatively new problem', coroner hears

A first-time mother whose daughter died hours after her frightening birth insists she was never told of the risks of being obese and pregnant.

'I'm angry as hell': the story behind mum's passionate vaccination plea

She has labelled parents who do not vaccinate their children "misinformed imbeciles" - and for that, she makes no apologies.

IKEA hacks for the nursery and kids' rooms

Are you one of those that know the whole IKEA catalogue by heart? Love their stuff but want to personalise it? Here's some inspiration to help you realise the potential of IKEA furniture and fittings.

8 different kinds of tantrums

I never thought I’d say this, but for a brief moment last week, Kim Kardashian and I had something in common: both our kids had public tantrums.

Polycystic ovary syndrome: symptoms, treatment and your fertility

Polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) is the most common female hormonal condition, affecting roughly one in 12 Australian women.

What's the best position for giving birth?

If doing it on your back is out, what's the best position for labour and birth?

Wife forgives snake catcher husband for car surprise

With Valentine's Day coming up, Nat Gilbert could be forgiven for thinking her husband might be planning a surprise for her.

Kids who meet milestones at their own pace

We usually only hear the success stories: tales of the two-year-old who’s talking, running and completely toilet trained. But other stories need to be told too.

Ruby shines as Bonds Baby

Sarah Kiss has a word of advice for proud mums and dads who are keen to enter their babies in this year's Bonds Baby Search Competition - just have fun.

Why dads should go to sleep school

If your family needs to go to sleep school, go with them. You are part of that family and you are part of the solution.

36 baby names inspired by food and drinks

A French court may have ruled out Nutella as a baby name, but that doesn't have to stop you from taking inspiration from the supermarket (or bottle shop). See what parents in the US have chosen for their delicious little ones.

Clever breastfeeding products

Check out this range of products designed to help make your breastfeeding journey more enjoyable, manageable and convenient.

 

Win a KitchenAid Mixer

Let's celebrate 300,000 fans on Facebook

To celebrate, and to thank our amazing fans, we?re giving away a KitchenAid Artisan Tilt-Head Stand Mixer.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.