Jump to content

Do you think this is disrespectful? I feel disrespected anyway.

  • Please log in to reply
14 replies to this topic

#1 treetree

Posted 16 January 2013 - 09:55 PM


Edited by treetree, 22 January 2013 - 11:25 PM.

#2 CallMeFeral

Posted 16 January 2013 - 10:11 PM

He's acting like one of the kids, making you the only rule enforcer, and 'parent' in the house. And the baddy.

Some time, maybe on a weekend so it won't affect your kids school, I'd just have a go at being the child. Let him know that it's your turn to be irresponsible, and then just go for it. Don't cook dinner, don't get to bed, undermine him if/when he tries... and make DAMN sure that HE'S the one who has to cop the fallout of tired cranky kids the next day. Book a spa or something for yourself for the second day.

At the end of a couple of days of this, you can have a discussion with him about how hard it is to enforce rules, and that's why it needs two of you to do so.

I can see why you feel disrespected. I think in your place, I wouldn't feel disrespected as it's more like your DH being irresponsible and non-forward thinking. But I'd certainly feel very hard done by and alone in the parent role, and be getting it sorted out ASAP!

#3 Fossy

Posted 16 January 2013 - 10:23 PM

Yes, you lost me at
I cook dinner. Every night. Every single night.

#4 IShallWearMidnight

Posted 16 January 2013 - 10:32 PM

if dinner is important to you, then I'd be saying 'sorry, you've missed dinner, go make a sandwich' if they didn't come when warned and reminded.
I'd have a printed chore list, and you don't get tv etc until the chores are all done. If he tells the kids not to worry, the that chore becomes his.

#5 Cherish

Posted 16 January 2013 - 10:38 PM

Sounds like he needs to lift his game to me

#6 ~shannon~

Posted 16 January 2013 - 10:50 PM

I also cook every night (not really by choice, just that DH can't even boil water - his cooking is terrible but he contributes to the household duties in other ways) and I also get annoyed when I call everyone for dinner and they take ages to show up.

Now what I do is start eating on my own without them. Their dinner sits there going cold, while I enjoy the peace and quiet or flick the TV onto whatever I want to watch. It's rare for me to be able to finish dinner without interruptions (child wants a drink, child spills something, child has a tantrum, etc).
Usually the children are around so they join me at the table, but if DH takes his time to come to the table, then that's his problem.

As for chores.... I wouldn't stand it if DH was lazy. I would breathe fire on his backside to make him take some responsibility for running the household as well as child-rearing. I don't think stooping to his level will help the situation (ie. don't do anything and see if he likes it) because men don't care as much as we do. I would simply tell him straight how you need his help and give him a list.

(Edited to correct spelling)

Edited by ~shannon~, 16 January 2013 - 10:51 PM.

#7 AntiBourgeoisie

Posted 16 January 2013 - 11:00 PM

I don't think its 'disrespectful'.

I think he needs to start acting like he's the other parent in the family though.

#8 ubermum

Posted 16 January 2013 - 11:01 PM

People treat you the way you let them treat you. You are letting him walk all over you and teach the kids to do the same.

#9 kpingitquiet

Posted 16 January 2013 - 11:03 PM

Get yourself a Chow Bell (triangle or bell type) and ring it when grub is up. Sit down, enjoy your meal with whomever shows up. Everyone else eats cold food or makes a sandwich.

And I definitely agree with the chore chart, with Dad having the first line on the list!

As for the time-together and bedtime issues, I'd pick a calm, non-critical moment (easy to say when I only have one kid, I know) and communicate about it.

#10 Phascogale

Posted 17 January 2013 - 05:29 AM

I'm not sure whether disrespected is the right word.  I would feel very annoyed and cranky so I hear what you are saying.

And I agree with PP's who say that your husband is acting like another child.  I have one of those too but he's realised just how much work I do when I become the primary breadwinner this year (hopefully for not too much longer).

I agree with PP's, call out for dinner.  If your husband doesn't come then let him eat it cold.  

With the movie stuff - as it was holidays I would've let that go but your husband would be responsible for getting said child to bed and up in the morning (if you have to wake the child then I wouldn't let it go as it makes your life harder).  You may have to compromise things like this and have them on the weekend.

You could go on strike and only do what you have to one week/weekend so your husband has an idea of what you actually do - only do bare minimum for the kids ie baked beans on toast for dinner (or whatever).  Better would be if you go away for a couple of days (you'd have to take the baby if they're really young as you're breastfeeding) and then he has to do everything (unless he'll palm the child care off to his mother or something).

But you'll need to find some time to have a chat with him (out to dinner just the two of you if you have a baby sitter) and come to some compromise.  Don't blame him but start with I statements ie I feel disrespected when I've said the child he needs to go to bed at 8pm and then he's told he can watch a movie rather than 'it's your fault the child doesn't go to bed when I tell him because you told him something else'.  Badly phrased but you get the idea.

#11 miinii

Posted 17 January 2013 - 07:53 AM

I dont think i would use the word disrespectful if it were my hubby who did it. Only because it would probably only be because whatever he was doing he literally could not put down that second and come in. Usually he is sitting there waiting for his dinner to be ready.

It does sound like your hubby is being very childish though and maybe you need to have a talk to him and explain how he is making you feel when he acts this way

#12 snuffles

Posted 17 January 2013 - 07:55 AM

Agree, he's behaving like one of the children.  Parents need to be a united front.

OT but ubermum that sig is so so wrong (my eyes!  my eyes!)

#13 YodaTheWrinkledOne

Posted 17 January 2013 - 07:56 AM

QUOTE (kpingitquiet @ 16/01/2013, 11:03 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Get yourself a Chow Bell (triangle or bell type) and ring it when grub is up. Sit down, enjoy your meal with whomever shows up. Everyone else eats cold food or makes a sandwich.

Agree with this.  I give a final warning and then I sit down to have dinner.  If the kids or DH don't come then, that's their choice and I have learnt not to stress about it.  Nowdays, everyone sits down reasonably quickly - I rarely start eating by myself.

Also, stop cooking dinner every single night.  Your DH can manage at least one night.  My DH cooks at least one night during the week, that's the deal. Not take-away - cooks a meal. Each week, write up a list of meals that we have ingredients/food for and we cross the meals off as we go.  DH simply looks at the list, picks a meal and goes from there.  In the beginning, I had a small folder that had the recipes for some of our more common meals (eg. stir fry, spag bol, even how to make up a salad!).  DH just followed the instructions and learnt from there.  Now, he can make meals without the cookbook. HOWEVER, if you are not cooking the evening meal in this house, you are doing the kids bath and general house clean-up with the kids (picking up toys, putting away books, putting away pencils/markers, etc). I prefer to cook rather than chase after the kids through baths and clean-up, so I think I have the better deal cooking 4/5 weeknights.  original.gif

Your DH is not doing anything because that's what he wants and that's what is being perpetuated.  Of course he isn't going to change anything - the current arrangement suits him very well. If you want change, you have to stop the pattern of behaviour, starting with yourself.

#14 twinboys

Posted 17 January 2013 - 08:03 AM

If you have a BBQ get your DH to cook the meat a couple of times a week.

It is very interesting to see the way my DH acts when he has cooked the meat ( Yes I made the salad, marinated/prepared the meat, given him all the implements and trays he needs and set the table) It is like he has cooked the meal from scratch and we all have to sit and praise the way the meat was turned over on the hotplate and then plonked on the tray wink.gif

If your DH is cooking on the BBQ he will hopefully see how annoying it is when people disregard the call out when dinner is ready!
It also will get him more involved with the night time routine!

#15 MinkyMonkey

Posted 17 January 2013 - 08:13 AM

QUOTE (CallMeAliG @ 16/01/2013, 10:11 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
He's acting like one of the kids, making you the only rule enforcer, and 'parent' in the house. And the baddy.

yyes.gif nail on the head.

1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users


How a raisin can predict a toddler's IQ

All you need to assess a child's future intelligence is a plastic cup and a raisin, according to new research.

Kate Walsh: 'I can't have kids'

Grey's Anatomy star Kate Walsh has revealed she is unable to have children because she has experienced early menopause.

The parasite that could boost fertility

The Tsimane women of Bolivia are often revered as among the most fertile in the world - on average having 10 children in their lifetimes -- but some are even more fertile than others.

Family may sue cousin over genetics

A Melbourne couple is suing the Royal Children's Hospital for failing to diagnose a genetic disorder in their first child - an error they allege caused them to have another child with severe disabilities.

Strange things mums have done in labour

While most women in labour focus on the upcoming birth of their baby, some women do more interesting things.

Michael Clarke reveals baby's name

When Michael Clarke said he was wrapped around the finger of his little princess, he wasn't joking.

The logistics of breastfeeding twins

Our life is more or less divided into neat four hour parcels of time and it's hard to get much of anything done in the time between feeds.

How to stop people ruining Christmas

We can make a conscious effort about how we react to those curly Christmas day scenarios that can send us up the wall, or should we say chimney.

Lots of formula offers for desperate mum

The mum who was down to her last three tins of baby formula said she had received hundreds of calls and offers to send her formula.

Surviving breast cancer while pregnant

It was last thing Rebecca O'Donnell expected at 30 weeks' pregnant. One morning, while putting on her bra, she felt a pea-sized lump in her right breast.

Cot sheet brands for the nursery

With so many awesome cot sheet options these days, we thought we'd put together a list of go-to brands for you to seek out for your baby's bed.

The Bugaboo by Diesel Denim launch

Essential Baby attended the launch and it got messy!

Father's letter to Bataclan terrorists

A grieving father whose wife was killed in the attacks on the Bataclan Theatre last weekend has written an open letter to her killers.

Adele's new song to sing along to

Singer follows up success of Hello with new belting ballad When We Were Young.

Major retailers restrict formula sales

Coles and Woolworths have imposed tighter buying bans on baby formula amid a shortage blamed on Chinese consumers.

Three-year-old breaks family's news

If you are three-years-old and an only child, then news doesn't get much bigger than this.

Swapped babies stay with families

A boy and girl accidentally swapped on the day they were born will stay with the families who have raised them, a South African court has ruled.

How life is different with three kids

I knew having a third child would alter our lives, but it's had so many impacts - both tiny and enormous.


What's hot on EB

Win one of two ABC Shop prize packs in time for Christmas

What a boon it would be to have your toddler's Christmas gifts covered this year. We have two awesome ABC Shop prize packs to give away to two lucky winners.

Beautiful 'now and then' images of premature babies

They are stunning photos that the parents of these beautiful no doubt feared they may never see.

Physios warn pregnant women not to crunch like Michelle Bridges

Experts are urging pregnant women not to do exactly as Michelle Bridges does when exercising, or they risk developing rectus abdominus diastasis.

Penny-pinching supermarket shoppers switching in droves

Half of Australia thinks it can get cheaper groceries by switching supermarkets, and about one in four of us have already switched.

Baby breastfed by wrong mother after hospital mix up

A newborn baby has been breastfed by a stranger after a NSW hospital bungled the identities of two newborns, devastating one mother and potentially exposing the newborn to health risks.

Nurses invent skin to skin c-section drape

The determination of three US nurses to provide immediate skin to skin contact to mothers delivering their babies by caesarean section has led to the invention of a unique surgical drape.

Baby's first photo shoot features a special guest

You can always be sure of a few things not entirely going to plan during a newborn shoot – little accidents are almost par for the course – but this shoot was memorable for a whole other reason.

We are not the family you think we are, I promise

Kids have a way of presenting a completely inaccurate impression of you, as parents, and as a family.

The hidden harm of foetal alcohol syndrome disorder

Experts believe many children diagnosed with ADHD might actually have FASD and that the number of people suffering from the condition across the country could be as high as 500,000.

Anaesthetist facing charges after ignoring woman's pain during caesarean

An anaesthetist could be punished after telling a woman enduring an "excruciating" painful C-section that she was not actually in pain.

When your baby starts life in NICU

Our daughters are finally home after spending nearly four weeks in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) at Wellington hospital.

How to save for a deposit while renting

As hard as it sounds, it is possible to save money when you rent, and certain things can be done to build a deposit faster.

Medications pregnant women should take, avoid, and think about

There are actually very few medications that must be absolutely avoided during pregnancy.

Paid parental leave uncertainty a growing concern

Eight months out from the due date of the government's PPL cut, some expectant parents are facing an uncertain time.

7 commandments of using the internet as a parent

What you need is careful, objective and repeatable science. Not anecdotes or old wives' tales, but data.

A rethink on screen ban for kids under two

With new guidelines being developed, the discouragement of use below two years of age is being revised.

10 things I want my wife to know

It's on those crazy days that I must remember to stop and let her know some things she needs to hear.

Better education about SIDS needed as deaths plateau

The number of sudden and unexpected deaths in infancy has decreased in NSW for the past 15 years but the most recent report into child deaths reveals the decline has plateaued.



Can't decide?

Check out the Essential Baby Names section for some inspiration

Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.