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Do ppl know you are TTC?


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20 replies to this topic

#1 ~polly~

Posted 16 January 2013 - 11:14 AM

I'm currently TTC#1 and have been quite secretive about this.  I dont like lying to ppl so when Im asked about when Im going to have a baby I usually say a vague answer like 'I dont know' or 'not for a while' (9+ months is while right  Tounge1.gif ).

I know lots of ppl approach TTC differently so have you told ppl you're TTC?  Are ppl supportive or annoying (asking if you're pg yet, watching everything you drink/eat)?

Edited by Pippa26, 16 January 2013 - 11:14 AM.


#2 Mrs Lost Wanderer

Posted 16 January 2013 - 11:25 AM

We didn't tell people we were trying in case it didn't happen but then we didn't announce we were pregnant until 12 weeks either.

I didn't want the questions like "Are you pregnant yet??" if we ended up having trouble conceiving or having to untell everyone if we announced and then lost it early. And I hate drawing attention to myself as well.

#3 Rainbow*Seeking

Posted 16 January 2013 - 11:28 AM

Nope, we didn't tell anyone and just kept it to ourselves.
If we do again, it will be the same thing. Just Dh and I and again I won't be telling anyone I'm pregnant till 16 weeks.

#4 PrincessPeach

Posted 16 January 2013 - 11:28 AM

I was going to say no & then realised we have told a few people we are TTC. When asked, we tell people children are on the radar, but just not at the moment.

Thankfully the people we have told are not asking us every second if we are pregnant. They know quite well we will tell when we are ready.

#5 la di dah

Posted 16 January 2013 - 11:33 AM

My parents and siblings know. My gyno knows (she's a person, right?) and a couple girlfriends know. Aside from that and EB-peeps, no.

I haven't had a direct "we tryin' to TTC!" with DH's parents but we've talked about hypothetical children and blah blah blah so since we've been married several years I assume they know what could happen.

#6 Escapin

Posted 16 January 2013 - 11:35 AM

We didn't tell anyone. In fact, quite the opposite, everyone thought we'd decided not to have kids. Was MUCH easier for me as I didn't get bugged about it by anyone, and if I had an orange juice at lunch I didn't have everyone staring at my tummy. If people did ask if/when we were going to have kids, I'd just say 'not this week' and laugh it off.

#7 PrincessPeach

Posted 16 January 2013 - 11:45 AM

QUOTE (Escapin @ 16/01/2013, 11:35 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
if I had an orange juice at lunch I didn't have everyone staring at my tummy.


See I don't drink & never have, so I don't actully have this problem either.

#8 MrsLexiK

Posted 16 January 2013 - 11:46 AM

We did, but I have issues which hamper fertility and we didn't want to hear the "when are you having kids" as we assumed (along with my dr) that we would need some assistance (which we were not going to seek for 2 years) We also announced to our family at about 5/6 weeks and to our friends at 9 or 10 weeks. Reason being we were seeing majority of our friends due to two parties on the same weekend so we could tell them in person, and also we had seen the heart beat 3 weeks ago and whilst I had a subchronic heamotoma to us it was very real and these are people we would have told had we had a miscarriage. We told our wider circle and made it Facebook official at 12 weeks.

#9 Satay Chicken

Posted 16 January 2013 - 11:53 AM

DH and I made a bit of a joke about it when we started TTC conceive thinking it would happen within a couple of months...

Fast forward three years and IVF, we eventually got there... worst thing we ever did telling people, alot of my friends became uncomfortable around me and often were not sure what to say - I felt very abandoned at times.

So, if I were you, keep it quiet as long as you can, you don't need the pressure.

#10 ~Peaches~

Posted 16 January 2013 - 12:42 PM

We didn't tell anyone when we were TTC #1, I didn't want people asking me all the time if I was pregnant yet.
I did tell a few close friends when I was 6 weeks pregnant, only to have a miscarriage at 9 weeks, so then had to un-tell them sad.gif Made me glad I hadn't told our familes or other friends yet.
So then those same friends obviously knew we would be TTC again.

This time around I have only told my 2 best friends we are TTC, as they've both been pregnant in the last year and told me straight away (one of them even told me before she told her husband lol!) so I know I can trust them and they won't be asking me if I'm pregnant every 5 minutes. I personally prefer not telling people when we are TTC, as if they know it makes me feel a bit more pressure for it to happen quickly, when we actually have no say in when it's going to happen original.gif

Edited by ~Peaches~, 16 January 2013 - 01:01 PM.


#11 *melrose*

Posted 16 January 2013 - 12:45 PM

Nope we were not telling anyone, when it happens we will. wink.gif

#12 RogzCilla

Posted 16 January 2013 - 01:28 PM

For #1 we didnt tell anyone, we were just married so it might have been obvious! This time round for #2 we are keeping it to ourselves again, except I have told a close friend, only for support (as this is taking longer than I expected). When people ask when we are having another, I have just said, hopefully this year sometime, vague but not lying either original.gif not that there is anything wrong with lying about it, it is, quite frankly, no one elses business but you and your DP.

#13 namie

Posted 16 January 2013 - 01:42 PM

We didn't tell anyone with DS1. We're not married so we weren't getting 'when will you have kids?' questions so it was quite easy.
It felt weird to me to announce it actually. You're effectively letting people know that yes, you will be having lots of sex over the coming months.

We also didn't tell anyone until we were past the 12 week check. I knew I wouldn't cope very well if family got all excited about having a baby and then I had to break the news to them that actually the grandchild/niece/nephew wouldn't be arriving after all. I knew I'd tell them if I did miscarry but at least they would feel sad for me and support me through it, rather than feel sad for themselves,which would make me feel like I'd let them down.

My sister didn't get it at all and when we announced our pregnancy with DS1 (in person with all my closest family there as 12 weeks coincided with the Easter holiday) she was quite offended that I hadn't at least told her! Which of course made things all about her, the reason I hadn't mentioned it earlier!

With DS2 a few close friends knew of the planning and my Mother's Group knew of the pregnancy early on, but no one else until after 12 weeks.

#14 Gemcat

Posted 16 January 2013 - 04:24 PM

I would never tell family (even though mum is DESPERATE for grandkids). It would just be "Are you pregnant yet?! Are you pregnant yet?!" all the time.

We get asked a fair bit if we're planning to have kids soon. I have to lie and say "maybe... we're not really thinking about it yet" while inside I'm screaming "YES! WE"RE TRYING BUT IT'S NOT WORKING!!!". Or I have to pretend that I don't want kids to stop them asking again. It's awful!

I have told my best friend and it's wonderful to hear about her TTC frustrations (she also had a MC before having her first, so I know if I do ever have one she will be the best shoulder to cry on).

At 33, there aren't many friends left that don't already have kids. So EB is my safe space for venting for sure!

#15 Bedge

Posted 16 January 2013 - 04:32 PM

Quite a few people know ... my close friends, parents, my cousin, and a couple of my clients (as I am very close with some of my clients .. and they are actually friends, who happen to pay me money. ha!). I am a very open person by nature.

They are all very supportive ... most have kiddies of their own, and had to go through all sorts to 'get' their kiddies, so its great to be able to have an open chat and learn from their experiences and share where I am at.

#16 erindiv

Posted 16 January 2013 - 04:35 PM

We told people the first time, but not the second time.

Am I the only one who thinks it's rude to ask people if they're TTC?  unsure.gif

#17 Mrs.Bee

Posted 16 January 2013 - 04:37 PM

We are keeping it to ourselves, not telling a sole (except GP for health issues).
We made it very clear when we were married that we would be waiting for 5 years before even thinking about TCC so we didnt get asked often BUT now we have been married for over 5 years and people are starting to ask. i just have a giggle and make some vague responses to any questions.
In theory we dont plan to share our news till 12 weeks but my husband cannot hold water in a cup - so we will see how that pans out if we are fortunate to fall... =)

#18 KittyGrom

Posted 16 January 2013 - 04:56 PM

There are at least six couples in our group of friends who are TTC #1, including us, so lots of people know! Hopefully it won't bite us in the bum if there are problems, so far it has been a very supportive and informative situation.
My parents do not know, but assume we must be and have been hassling me since our wedding only a few months ago. "Are you pregnant yet? Why not? What's WRONG??!!!" We won't be telling them that we are actively TTC until I am 12 weeks, regardless of how long that takes.

#19 Magnus

Posted 16 January 2013 - 05:00 PM

At the moment we're trying to TTC- so haven't actually begun the IUIs yet, although we've got a donor and DP has done all the tests and we've done the counselling. We just need the donations and to wait out the quarantine period. So we should be able to begin the IUI in June.

We've told my mum and DPs mum and DPs sister and my sister and brother and nearly all of our friends that we're planning to have a baby. We've been planning for years, though, so they're probably wondering why we're taking so long. I don't really want to inform them about all the finer points of TTC through ART, though. They can just assume that we had other priorities instead, or decided to wait til we had better jobs, etc., or anything else they like.

I would love to not tell anyone til the 12 week point when/if we get pregnant, but I think DP wants to tell people. I don't want to tell anyone the sex, either, so we don't get lots of pastel pink and blue, but I think DP might want to tell people.

#20 CountryFeral

Posted 16 January 2013 - 05:07 PM

I doubt it.. most people think we are 'childless by choice' and it wouldn't occur to them that we were trying "at our age'...

I was forced to tell my family about the IVF due to a family tragedy - however that was so long ago now I assume they think we've given up.

3 people knew about my miscarriage and two of them was by accident (called me at the wrong time and asked why I was crying).

I am a private person......

#21 PatG

Posted 16 January 2013 - 05:16 PM

I've had a discussion with several close friends and my sister about general plans for when we might think about trying to have kids, in the context of them and their children mostly.  None of them are the type to be asking if I'm pregnant - I think they understand I'd tell them when I was ready.  

I think it is rude to ask if/when people are having kids for the sake of gossip but with close friends it can come up in conversation without being rude.


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