Jump to content

Putting off TTC
Due to serious illness in the family


  • Please log in to reply
7 replies to this topic

#1 MissingInAction

Posted 16 January 2013 - 07:53 AM

----removed privacy sad.gif sorry feel free to delete thread original.gif

Edited by MiaMoo86, 16 January 2013 - 08:41 PM.


#2 Serapod

Posted 16 January 2013 - 08:10 AM

My mum was diagnosed with advanced breast cancer with metastases in mid June. I found out I was pregnant at the end of June. I think my pregnancy has given our family some hope and positive to look forward during this time. It gives my mum something to look forward to, even if she isn't around for a long time after the birth.

I especially feel grateful considering the circumstances that I am expecting and knowing she is so excited for it. My feelings have not been 'overdshadowed' by her illness, but it is something else to focus on and keep our spirits up.


I think whatever you decide, you'll always have up and down days.  Best of luck with your decision, and fingers crossed the outcome is.. better than expected....

#3 MissingInAction

Posted 16 January 2013 - 08:30 AM

--

Edited by MiaMoo86, 16 January 2013 - 08:42 PM.


#4 Guest_Sunnycat_*

Posted 16 January 2013 - 08:44 AM

Doesn't sound like you particularly like her anyway.

You can't control life, even if you wait for her to die before TTC anything could happen down the track that could lead to a stressful time. You may have a difficult pregnancy, it might take you a while to fall pregnant, who knows.

Personally, I think that's an awful reason to out off TTC but each to their own.

#5 MissingInAction

Posted 16 January 2013 - 08:52 AM

No, I love her, she's been a huge part of my life for over a decade however when it comes to my health & wellbeing (especially while pregnant), if it comes down to that i'm putting my foot down.  I refuse to let someone else's values compromise my own when it comes to protecting my unborn child.  It's not like he/she can say, "HEY, grandma! stop smoking around me!"


#6 kpingitquiet

Posted 16 January 2013 - 08:52 AM

I'm sending hopeful thoughts for your MIL hands.gif

But honestly, if my mom were sick, I know for a fact that just sharing the pregnancy with us would be a treasured thing for all involved. And if gods were kind and allowed her to meet her grandbaby, it would certainly be an amazingly wonderful thing. Knowing my mom, I wouldn't be surprised if a new potential grandchild was something she used to inspire a hard fight against the illness.

Now, I haven't been in your shoes but honestly, I would go ahead. Illness is terrible and death is so very sad, but new life is what makes it all worth it in this screwed up world.

As for the smoking, unless you live with her it's a small risk and probably equivalent to spending too long in a public parking garage chatting with a friend you bumped into. Plan backyard bbqs, visits to the park together, and yes, occasional visits to her house as she may be very weak during treatment, depending. Just step out for air and suggest alfresco dining. If it's a visit at your house, well that's your rules! You certainly don't have to let her smoke in your home, so invite her over a lot and offer to have husband drive her so it's easier on her. She can smoke outside.

I don't really see the need to argue about it.

Edited by kpingitquiet, 16 January 2013 - 08:54 AM.


#7 CountryFeral

Posted 16 January 2013 - 08:56 AM

I wouldn't.

Without being callous you don't know how long it will take for your MIL to die, what are you going to do, keep putting things off, and off, and off?

I know when our Mum was diagnosed with cancer it was the spur to get my sister and her husband to STOP putting it off, and as it was Mum got to spend 7 years with that baby.

When my Dad was ill in hospital the other year one of the nurses dragged me aside I demanded I 'went home and concentrated on my children' (rather unfortunate choice of words to an infertile!) as she was worried I was losing my perspective on the outside world as I was always there with my Dad..

I know that it has been easier on my sister to cope with the losses (of Mum, of Dad's health and sanity) because she has 'the next generation' to focus on... for me I can only focus on my loss.

#8 Bwok~Bwok

Posted 16 January 2013 - 09:09 AM

It's up to your DH as it's his Mum. He will be the one under alot of stress.

I've put TTC on hold when I found out my Mum had Cancer - but we knew it was terminal from the start - but we didn't use protection. I also took a year off afterwards to grieve. (I had a m/c 5 months after she passed away - didn't know about it till it was too late)

I wouldn't force the TTC e.g We have to BD because I'm O etc that'll be too much pressure for him - but don't use protection either.


1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Share the little things that make you smile

We're giving away a Mountain Buggy nano, the ultimate travel stroller - and here are some of the great entries so far.

Toddler pleads for return of "stolen" nose

A two-year-old's reaction to a game of "got your nose" shows it doesn't take much to make a toddler cry.

The 15 photos new parents share (and five they don't)

From the first scan photo to the baby covered in cake at their first birthday party, there are 15 photos most parents seem to share - and some they don't.

Doctor sings first Happy Birthday to newborns

His job is to deliver babies, but this US obstetrician also has a unique way of celebrating the miracle of life.

Breastfeeding friendly café goes viral

A photo of a breastfeeding-friendly sign in a cafe has been posted to Facebook and shared by hundreds of mums around the world.

First look at the Bugaboo Bee3

The newest Bugaboo Bee ? the Bee3 ? offers a variety of improved features, including a much asked-for bassinet and a rainbow of colour combinations.

Childcare costs, not paid leave, the real issue for parents

Given the choice between maintaining their wage for six months to have a child, or having a reduced rate of pay for a time but a better deal on childcare when returning to work, there are no odds on what most working parents would choose.

Win a Mountain Buggy nano

We?re giving away the new Mountain Buggy Nano - the lightweight travel buggy! So show us the little things that make you smile for your chance to win.

We lost three babies in two years

Our first pregnancy ended the way we all expected it to - with a healthy, happy baby in our arms. What a true blessing he was, for we were not to know the heartache we were about endure.

Family turned back from doomed flight MH17

'There must have been someone watching over us and saying, 'You must not get on that flight,' says mother who narrowly avoided boarding the Malaysian Airlines flight which exploded in mid-air over the Ukraine last night.

The myths and facts about "normal" breastfeeding

When it comes to successful breastfeeding, there is a wide variety to what is "normal", according to new research.

Adorable Skeanie loafers for kids

Your little toddler or preschooler can now get their nautical on with a new range of classic loafers by Australian show brand Skeanie.

My baby is hypermobile

For months, I have been telling myself not to worry that Jasmin isn't crawling or walking. This week I heard the term hypermobile for the first time.

When you don?t bond with your baby

They say that there is no bond greater than the bond between a mother and her child. But for some women, the mother-baby bond takes more time and effort to develop.

Yumi Stynes: Having a baby after a 10-year break

After a long break, Yumi Stynes gets a reminder of the pain - and the pleasure - of giving birth.

Grieving father asks for help to Photoshop his daughter's image

When Nathan Steffel's daughter Sophia died from a liver condition at just 6 weeks old, he reached out for someone to create a beautiful image of his little girl.

Raising kids in a 'low media' home

Can you imagine a life without TV or computers? Some parents are opting for a low-tech, screen-free life for their kids.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Win a Mountain Buggy nano

We?re giving away the new Mountain Buggy Nano - the lightweight travel buggy! So show us the little things that make you smile for your chance to win.

Be careful what you say, your baby is listening

The importance of speaking to your baby even if they are not old enough to answer back has been highlighted by new research.

The beautiful moment a baby was born at the side of a road

It's not where she expected to give birth, but mum Corrine Cinatl is delighted that her daughter's roadside arrival was captured in a series of beautiful photos.

Doctor sings first Happy Birthday to newborns

His job is to deliver babies, but this US obstetrician also has a unique way of celebrating the miracle of life.

The Nappy Collective starts new drive

It's that time of year when the dedicated volunteers at The Nappy Collective do their bit to help out mums and children in need - and they need your help.

Baby shower cake wrecks

From misshapen cake babies to questionable text, from odd colour choices to internal organ recreation, these are the baby shower cakes that taste forgot.

Photographer captures the beauty of adoption

The love of a family is usually tough to capture on camera. This is an exception.

Pregnancy progression photo ideas

Want to record your pregnancy as your belly grows? Here are some creative, fun ideas for photo shoots along the way.

The myths and facts about "normal" breastfeeding

When it comes to successful breastfeeding, there is a wide variety to what is "normal", according to new research.

Tin can craft and DIY ideas

Got a few old formula, Milo or coffee cans around the house? Use these fantastic upcycling ideas to create items for around the house and yard.

Dads meet their newborn for the first time

Emotional photos of two fathers meeting their newborn son have resonated with viewers worldwide, attracting thousands of Facebook likes and shares.

Skin safety isn't just a summer worry

Lax about the slip slop slap with your kids as weather turns cooler? Here's a reminder as to why we have to remain vigilant for our children?s future health.

Personalised baby gifts

We've scoured the internet to find gorgeous personalised keepsakes and nursery decor to record baby name and dates. They make great gifts for christenings, name days and birthdays! (All prices in AU.)

Creative sleeping baby photoshoots

See how some parents and photographers have captured sleeping babies in unusual positions and using different props.

DIY kitchen and food hacks

DIY your way to a better kitchen and make cooking easier with our clever hacks. (Some content reproduced with permission from mashable.com.)

Winter warmers for babies and toddlers

Your baby or toddler will be nice and snug in these beautiful and fun winter pieces. Most are hand-made or knitted, and they're all designed to keep your little one toastie - and adorable!

 

Mind, body, beauty, life

Making time for me

We look at your wellbeing, covering health, relationships, beauty and fashion, mind and body.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.