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Putting off TTC
Due to serious illness in the family

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7 replies to this topic

#1 MissingInAction

Posted 16 January 2013 - 07:53 AM

----removed privacy sad.gif sorry feel free to delete thread original.gif

Edited by MiaMoo86, 16 January 2013 - 08:41 PM.

#2 Serapod

Posted 16 January 2013 - 08:10 AM

My mum was diagnosed with advanced breast cancer with metastases in mid June. I found out I was pregnant at the end of June. I think my pregnancy has given our family some hope and positive to look forward during this time. It gives my mum something to look forward to, even if she isn't around for a long time after the birth.

I especially feel grateful considering the circumstances that I am expecting and knowing she is so excited for it. My feelings have not been 'overdshadowed' by her illness, but it is something else to focus on and keep our spirits up.

I think whatever you decide, you'll always have up and down days.  Best of luck with your decision, and fingers crossed the outcome is.. better than expected....

#3 MissingInAction

Posted 16 January 2013 - 08:30 AM


Edited by MiaMoo86, 16 January 2013 - 08:42 PM.

#4 Guest_Sunnycat_*

Posted 16 January 2013 - 08:44 AM

Doesn't sound like you particularly like her anyway.

You can't control life, even if you wait for her to die before TTC anything could happen down the track that could lead to a stressful time. You may have a difficult pregnancy, it might take you a while to fall pregnant, who knows.

Personally, I think that's an awful reason to out off TTC but each to their own.

#5 MissingInAction

Posted 16 January 2013 - 08:52 AM

No, I love her, she's been a huge part of my life for over a decade however when it comes to my health & wellbeing (especially while pregnant), if it comes down to that i'm putting my foot down.  I refuse to let someone else's values compromise my own when it comes to protecting my unborn child.  It's not like he/she can say, "HEY, grandma! stop smoking around me!"

#6 kpingitquiet

Posted 16 January 2013 - 08:52 AM

I'm sending hopeful thoughts for your MIL hands.gif

But honestly, if my mom were sick, I know for a fact that just sharing the pregnancy with us would be a treasured thing for all involved. And if gods were kind and allowed her to meet her grandbaby, it would certainly be an amazingly wonderful thing. Knowing my mom, I wouldn't be surprised if a new potential grandchild was something she used to inspire a hard fight against the illness.

Now, I haven't been in your shoes but honestly, I would go ahead. Illness is terrible and death is so very sad, but new life is what makes it all worth it in this screwed up world.

As for the smoking, unless you live with her it's a small risk and probably equivalent to spending too long in a public parking garage chatting with a friend you bumped into. Plan backyard bbqs, visits to the park together, and yes, occasional visits to her house as she may be very weak during treatment, depending. Just step out for air and suggest alfresco dining. If it's a visit at your house, well that's your rules! You certainly don't have to let her smoke in your home, so invite her over a lot and offer to have husband drive her so it's easier on her. She can smoke outside.

I don't really see the need to argue about it.

Edited by kpingitquiet, 16 January 2013 - 08:54 AM.

#7 HRH Countrymel

Posted 16 January 2013 - 08:56 AM

I wouldn't.

Without being callous you don't know how long it will take for your MIL to die, what are you going to do, keep putting things off, and off, and off?

I know when our Mum was diagnosed with cancer it was the spur to get my sister and her husband to STOP putting it off, and as it was Mum got to spend 7 years with that baby.

When my Dad was ill in hospital the other year one of the nurses dragged me aside I demanded I 'went home and concentrated on my children' (rather unfortunate choice of words to an infertile!) as she was worried I was losing my perspective on the outside world as I was always there with my Dad..

I know that it has been easier on my sister to cope with the losses (of Mum, of Dad's health and sanity) because she has 'the next generation' to focus on... for me I can only focus on my loss.

#8 Bwok~Bwok

Posted 16 January 2013 - 09:09 AM

It's up to your DH as it's his Mum. He will be the one under alot of stress.

I've put TTC on hold when I found out my Mum had Cancer - but we knew it was terminal from the start - but we didn't use protection. I also took a year off afterwards to grieve. (I had a m/c 5 months after she passed away - didn't know about it till it was too late)

I wouldn't force the TTC e.g We have to BD because I'm O etc that'll be too much pressure for him - but don't use protection either.

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