Jump to content

Do you give less for second weddings?
spin off- wedding gifts.

  • Please log in to reply
46 replies to this topic

#1 ubermum

Posted 15 January 2013 - 07:44 PM

We have a wedding coming up for a fairly close member of the family. This will be the person's second wedding (new partner) in the last 5 years. Yes, it's a wishing well, complete with tacky poem and presence and presents used in the wording. Would you give less than the first time you attended the wedding of the person?

#2 JRA

Posted 15 January 2013 - 07:47 PM

I don't believe in people asking for presents for their second wedding. Shoot me.

But as they want money/presents, I would not reduce what I would give because it is a second wedding.

#3 Mpjp is feral

Posted 15 January 2013 - 07:48 PM

Gee I dont know what I would do....but for my second wedding we specificed no gifts with that other well used poen "your presence is present enough"!!!

It felt way too cheeky to expect any sort of gift when we were well established, houses, kids, and both of us in a 2nd wedding....especially when for each of us many of the guests went to our respective first weddings!!!

#4 PixieVee

Posted 15 January 2013 - 07:49 PM

No I wouldn't give less! I find that so weird to be honest.

Anyway, I still hate those effing poems. If anything give less for the poem.

#5 starsg

Posted 15 January 2013 - 07:50 PM

it would depend how much I gave the first time, and also are the couple trying to establish themselves? or do they already have all the homewares etc. If I didn't give a huge amount the first time (say $100 or so) I would probably give the same. if I had given more (say 300 plus) the first time I would think about giving less simply because they are less likely to need as much as a first time married couple.

#6 luke's mummu

Posted 15 January 2013 - 07:50 PM

Yes, generally a bit less, but the 2 second weddings we have been to (both first and second) have been a bit smaller. My brother has been engaged twice and no I didn't spend less on the engagement present the 2nd time round. I knew he had given away/lost most of the presents from his first engagement and it just somehow didn't seem right to me.

I guess it depends how close you are to the person.

Edited by luke's mummu, 15 January 2013 - 07:50 PM.

#7 Apageintime

Posted 15 January 2013 - 07:50 PM

Depends on the circumstances, like how far apart the weddings were, my acquaintance who got married twice in 2 years definitely got less 2nd time around.

I generally thought presents weren't the 'done' thing at second weddings anyway...

#8 Beancat

Posted 15 January 2013 - 07:53 PM

I probably wouldnt.  They still have costs to put on the wedding and they are starting their own life story together so it would be nice for them to get somthing form the wishing well money that they like and can call their own.  

FWIW I am in my second serious r/s.  The first one I was married no kids, this one our third kid is on the way and we have our own house.  We still had to set the house up with "our" stuff which has taken 5 years and I would like a gift that was about us.  Also if we got married it would be DPs first wedding adn I would not like him to miss out just becuase I had been married before

#9 JustBeige

Posted 15 January 2013 - 07:55 PM

Depends on how close I am to the person / couple getting married.
Depends on whether the first lot of gifts was appreciated or given to the charity bins.
Depends on whether I view the person / couple as money grubbing so and so's

Depends on lots of things.

Its not automatic that because its the 2nd wedding they get less.

Edited by JustBeige, 15 January 2013 - 07:56 PM.

#10 vanessa71

Posted 15 January 2013 - 07:56 PM

I have never been to a second wedding, looks like all my friends have done well so far.  wink.gif

I would spend the same amount as I would for any wedding, I would not reduce the amount just because it was a person's second wedding. I would most likely contribute a present rather than cash to a wishing well though.

#11 Acidulous Osprey

Posted 15 January 2013 - 08:02 PM

Yeah I was annoyed at people not taking my wedding seriously because my partner had been married briefly before.

#12 Gudrun

Posted 15 January 2013 - 08:02 PM

We've just been invited to a second wedding for both (didn't go to either first wedding). They have been living together for ages, have a child together and are well established, in need of nought.

The invitation states 'no present required'. I took that to mean bring a little something, DH took it to mean 'no present'.  

Obviously their invitation is reflective of their situation, but what is the translation for 'no present required'?

#13 JRA

Posted 15 January 2013 - 08:06 PM

When we said no presents, we meant NO PRESENTS.

That is why we said it.

#14 Acidulous Osprey

Posted 15 January 2013 - 08:06 PM

My translation is they are rude, rude, rude as nobody can 'require' a present.

Once I finished laughing at that, I'd either decide to give a present or not depending on how I felt about the couple and whether or not it would make me happy to give them a present.

#15 Acidulous Osprey

Posted 15 January 2013 - 08:07 PM

Hey now JRA there is no way you can convince me you said no present 'required'.

No presents thank you means no presents.  No presents required makes them optional but not a condition of entry to the festivities.

#16 Tiger Lilly

Posted 15 January 2013 - 08:08 PM

Do people really even think about these things? lol

#17 JRA

Posted 15 January 2013 - 08:09 PM

True balzac, to say no present required is simply rude. Surely they didn't say that. Surely

#18 FeralRebelWClaws

Posted 15 January 2013 - 08:11 PM

QUOTE (JRA @ 15/01/2013, 08:47 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I don't believe in people asking for presents for their second wedding. Shoot me.

But as they want money/presents, I would not reduce what I would give because it is a second wedding.

What if it's one persons second and one persons first??? Happens more and more these days.

Second wedding in 5 years... well... I'd probably give less and save the rest up for the next one  biggrin.gif

#19 katniss

Posted 15 January 2013 - 08:24 PM

QUOTE (Mexy @ 15/01/2013, 06:08 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Do people really even think about these things? lol

LOL, that's what I was thinking! I can't believe people read so much into words on an invitation!

#20 B-B-M

Posted 15 January 2013 - 08:38 PM

As with the first time around, i would give what i could afford/wanted to give.

How does one even know what was given/spent last time? I can't remember what i did last week lt alone how much i gave to someone years ago laughing2.gif

#21 Mis-Placed

Posted 15 January 2013 - 08:43 PM

I find this really sad actually - that people think that a person's "2nd marriage" cant and shouldn't be taken as a serious undertaking. That because people have been previously married they dont deserve presents or are thought of as "money-grabbing?!"

My auntie was widowed in her mid 30's. Her husband was gone. Just like that. She is now, ten years ++ down the track with a new partner. I would feel sick if i knew people were saying these things should she wish to get married again. Everyone deserves a 2nd chance and new beginnings.....

#22 JRA

Posted 15 January 2013 - 08:48 PM

It is not about whether it is serious. I can say that, both dh and I were married to our previous spouses for about 6 years, we have been married to each other for 17? years I think.

But by the time we were getting married a second time, we were well established, we didn't want presents, and most people getting married a 2nd time are similar. In the same way I would always say "no presents'" for a 40th or 50th etc.

#23 Propaganda

Posted 15 January 2013 - 08:56 PM

I think it's tacky to ask for gifts/cash regardless of whether a wedding if first or twenty-fifth, but I think that if you want to give a gift, there's no reason to give less just because it's not the first.

#24 Mis-Placed

Posted 15 January 2013 - 08:59 PM

Yes, i understand what your saying, and i agree that i would probably not even give presents a 2nd thought the second time around?! However, im bothered that some posters obviously have this attitude that people are "not entitled" to a big or generous present as someone getting married for the FIRST time....

#25 Overtherainbow

Posted 15 January 2013 - 09:01 PM

Is it the same for divorced vs widowed?  What of the 2nd marriage is due to an abusive situation?

I've only been to one 2nd wedding when our widowed friend remarried.  We were so excited for him and we gave a present to celebrate their new union.  

Like all weddings, we give based on relationship with couple and individual needs.

1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users


Kourtney Kardashian goes nude for art

We've all done some pretty radical things after a big break-up, but Kourtney Kardashian has gone one better.

Video shows babies 'singing' to music in the womb

A new study has shown that babies may actually be able to hear from as early as 16 weeks – 10 weeks earlier than was commonly thought.

Prevent pelvic pain with pre-pregnancy exercise: study

Women who want to stave off aches and pains in pregnancy should exercise regularly before they conceive, experts say.

Dad's hilarious blog about life with twins

A stand-up comedian in the UK has plenty of new material since becoming a dad to twin boys.

Dinosaur products for babies and toddlers

Dinosaurs are one of those classic childhood crazes. We've put together a host of products for dinosaur-mad parents, babies and toddlers.

Restaurant manager sticks up for noisy baby

A mum was left upset by a note from neighbouring diners saying her screaming baby had ruined their dinner.

His name is Cayden: Mum and social media hit back after racist Facebook attack

When a man posted a selfie with a co-worker's son to Facebook, it became a magnet for racist comments.

Join the Real Mums Test Drive Team

Five new mums will join the Essential Baby Test Drive Team and discover great new baby toys from Fisher-Price & write a review to be published on Essential Baby.

The Chinese tradition for new mums that can now cost $37,000 a month

Opulent rest time is becoming the gold standard in postpartum recovery, inspired by a Chinese confinement custom known as "sitting the month".

How the media can shape our decisions when it comes to labour

We all like to think that we make our choices in fair, reasoned and well-thought out ways. Not many of us would admit that we allowed the media to influence us in our life choices.

Mum told to express in pet relief area at airport

A woman who flew from Boston to Washington says staff with United Airlines at Washington's Dulles Airport suggested she pump her breast milk in the pet-relief area.

Heartbreak as mum dies and her baby chokes to death

An Australian woman living in the US collapsed and died while feeding her baby, who then choked to death on his food. 

The hidden mental health illness of anxiety

Anxiety took over Robyn Read's life to such an extent she could not even buy the groceries and felt suicidal.

Two children fall from second storey window

Two young boys have been rushed to hospital after falling out a second-storey window of a home in Eastwood.

Mum gives birth to India's heaviest baby

An Indian woman has given birth to a baby boy weighing a whopping 5.97kg, setting a new record for the country's heaviest baby.

Grandma surprised with brand new granddaughter

Finding out you’re going to be a grandmother can be a very emotional moment. Finding out that you’re a grandmother and the baby is already here is just out of this world.

Saltwater Sandals for babies and toddlers

Many mamas are wearing Saltwater Sandals - why not buy them for your babies and toddlers too?

How to spring clean your body and mind

Whether you're pregnant, already a mum, or are just trying to be a bit more healthy, there are ways to use the rejuvenating season to give yourself a boost.


What's hot on EB

Stella McCartney honours mum with lacy bra

Fashion designer Stella McCartney has honoured her late mum, Linda McCartney, by designing a special bra for post-mastectomy patients.

Don't panic: A granddad midwife's guide for dads-to-be

Mark Harris has helped deliver 500 babies. And he's now telling fathers what to expect.

How to be a calm parent when you're feeling anything but

Being a calm parent takes a lot of work, sometimes more than is obvious to those around us.

The joy and isolation of being a stay-at-home dad

It's cool, kind of like a second childhood. I love him to bits and think, on average, I'm an okay dad. But I also want to talk about the other stuff.

How baby Teddy's short life is helping save thousands of lives

He may have only lived for 100 minutes, but that didn't stop baby Teddy from saving the lives of others.

A heartbreaking trail of missed chances in death of baby forgotten in car

A haunting reminder to stay mindful about babies in cars, especially as we approach summer.

What to do if your baby has tongue-tie

Tongue-tie can cause feeding problems. However once it is diagnosed, the condition can be easily treated.

How to move house without losing your mind

Some people move frequently, while others like to stay put. But everyone finds it stressful.

'She had nowhere to go': how new mum's life began to unravel

The birth of her first child should have been happiest of times for Campsie mother Phuong Cao, but friends say it marked the beginning of when her life began to unravel. 

Women giving birth to a son keep some of his Y chromosomes

It was an experiment doomed to failure - they were looking for male cells in female bodies. And their search was stunningly successful.

Photos: How babies fit in the womb

A gorgeous photo series shows babies in the first hours after their birth - as they were positioned in the womb.

Baby tries to persuade stubborn bulldog to walk, fails

We don't know what he's saying, but this baby has a very clear message for his bulldog pal: let's walk - NOW.

The best toddler gift ever? Nine gender-neutral play kitchen picks

Without a doubt, one of the best gifts for a toddler turning two or three is a play kitchen.

9 easy steps to improve your baby photography

With a few simple tips you can take your images from random happy snaps to lovely clean images that create beautiful lasting memories.



Can't decide?

Check out the Essential Baby Names section for some inspiration

Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.