Jump to content

Do you give less for second weddings?
spin off- wedding gifts.


  • Please log in to reply
46 replies to this topic

#1 ubermum

Posted 15 January 2013 - 07:44 PM

We have a wedding coming up for a fairly close member of the family. This will be the person's second wedding (new partner) in the last 5 years. Yes, it's a wishing well, complete with tacky poem and presence and presents used in the wording. Would you give less than the first time you attended the wedding of the person?

#2 JRA

Posted 15 January 2013 - 07:47 PM

I don't believe in people asking for presents for their second wedding. Shoot me.

But as they want money/presents, I would not reduce what I would give because it is a second wedding.

#3 Mpjp is feral

Posted 15 January 2013 - 07:48 PM

Gee I dont know what I would do....but for my second wedding we specificed no gifts with that other well used poen "your presence is present enough"!!!

It felt way too cheeky to expect any sort of gift when we were well established, houses, kids, and both of us in a 2nd wedding....especially when for each of us many of the guests went to our respective first weddings!!!

#4 PixieVee

Posted 15 January 2013 - 07:49 PM

No I wouldn't give less! I find that so weird to be honest.

Anyway, I still hate those effing poems. If anything give less for the poem.

#5 starsg

Posted 15 January 2013 - 07:50 PM


it would depend how much I gave the first time, and also are the couple trying to establish themselves? or do they already have all the homewares etc. If I didn't give a huge amount the first time (say $100 or so) I would probably give the same. if I had given more (say 300 plus) the first time I would think about giving less simply because they are less likely to need as much as a first time married couple.

#6 luke's mummu

Posted 15 January 2013 - 07:50 PM

Yes, generally a bit less, but the 2 second weddings we have been to (both first and second) have been a bit smaller. My brother has been engaged twice and no I didn't spend less on the engagement present the 2nd time round. I knew he had given away/lost most of the presents from his first engagement and it just somehow didn't seem right to me.

I guess it depends how close you are to the person.

Edited by luke's mummu, 15 January 2013 - 07:50 PM.


#7 Apageintime

Posted 15 January 2013 - 07:50 PM

Depends on the circumstances, like how far apart the weddings were, my acquaintance who got married twice in 2 years definitely got less 2nd time around.

I generally thought presents weren't the 'done' thing at second weddings anyway...

#8 Beancat

Posted 15 January 2013 - 07:53 PM

I probably wouldnt.  They still have costs to put on the wedding and they are starting their own life story together so it would be nice for them to get somthing form the wishing well money that they like and can call their own.  

FWIW I am in my second serious r/s.  The first one I was married no kids, this one our third kid is on the way and we have our own house.  We still had to set the house up with "our" stuff which has taken 5 years and I would like a gift that was about us.  Also if we got married it would be DPs first wedding adn I would not like him to miss out just becuase I had been married before

#9 JustBeige

Posted 15 January 2013 - 07:55 PM

Depends on how close I am to the person / couple getting married.
Depends on whether the first lot of gifts was appreciated or given to the charity bins.
Depends on whether I view the person / couple as money grubbing so and so's


Depends on lots of things.

Its not automatic that because its the 2nd wedding they get less.

Edited by JustBeige, 15 January 2013 - 07:56 PM.


#10 vanessa71

Posted 15 January 2013 - 07:56 PM

I have never been to a second wedding, looks like all my friends have done well so far.  wink.gif

I would spend the same amount as I would for any wedding, I would not reduce the amount just because it was a person's second wedding. I would most likely contribute a present rather than cash to a wishing well though.


#11 Acidulous Osprey

Posted 15 January 2013 - 08:02 PM

Yeah I was annoyed at people not taking my wedding seriously because my partner had been married briefly before.



#12 Gudrun

Posted 15 January 2013 - 08:02 PM

We've just been invited to a second wedding for both (didn't go to either first wedding). They have been living together for ages, have a child together and are well established, in need of nought.

The invitation states 'no present required'. I took that to mean bring a little something, DH took it to mean 'no present'.  

Obviously their invitation is reflective of their situation, but what is the translation for 'no present required'?

#13 JRA

Posted 15 January 2013 - 08:06 PM

When we said no presents, we meant NO PRESENTS.

That is why we said it.

#14 Acidulous Osprey

Posted 15 January 2013 - 08:06 PM

My translation is they are rude, rude, rude as nobody can 'require' a present.

Once I finished laughing at that, I'd either decide to give a present or not depending on how I felt about the couple and whether or not it would make me happy to give them a present.

#15 Acidulous Osprey

Posted 15 January 2013 - 08:07 PM

Hey now JRA there is no way you can convince me you said no present 'required'.

No presents thank you means no presents.  No presents required makes them optional but not a condition of entry to the festivities.

#16 Tiger Lilly

Posted 15 January 2013 - 08:08 PM

Do people really even think about these things? lol

#17 JRA

Posted 15 January 2013 - 08:09 PM

True balzac, to say no present required is simply rude. Surely they didn't say that. Surely

#18 FeralRebelWClaws

Posted 15 January 2013 - 08:11 PM

QUOTE (JRA @ 15/01/2013, 08:47 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I don't believe in people asking for presents for their second wedding. Shoot me.

But as they want money/presents, I would not reduce what I would give because it is a second wedding.

What if it's one persons second and one persons first??? Happens more and more these days.

Second wedding in 5 years... well... I'd probably give less and save the rest up for the next one  biggrin.gif

#19 katniss

Posted 15 January 2013 - 08:24 PM

QUOTE (Mexy @ 15/01/2013, 06:08 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Do people really even think about these things? lol


LOL, that's what I was thinking! I can't believe people read so much into words on an invitation!

#20 B-B-M

Posted 15 January 2013 - 08:38 PM

As with the first time around, i would give what i could afford/wanted to give.

How does one even know what was given/spent last time? I can't remember what i did last week lt alone how much i gave to someone years ago laughing2.gif



#21 Mis-Placed

Posted 15 January 2013 - 08:43 PM

I find this really sad actually - that people think that a person's "2nd marriage" cant and shouldn't be taken as a serious undertaking. That because people have been previously married they dont deserve presents or are thought of as "money-grabbing?!"

My auntie was widowed in her mid 30's. Her husband was gone. Just like that. She is now, ten years ++ down the track with a new partner. I would feel sick if i knew people were saying these things should she wish to get married again. Everyone deserves a 2nd chance and new beginnings.....

#22 JRA

Posted 15 January 2013 - 08:48 PM

It is not about whether it is serious. I can say that, both dh and I were married to our previous spouses for about 6 years, we have been married to each other for 17? years I think.

But by the time we were getting married a second time, we were well established, we didn't want presents, and most people getting married a 2nd time are similar. In the same way I would always say "no presents'" for a 40th or 50th etc.

#23 Propaganda

Posted 15 January 2013 - 08:56 PM

I think it's tacky to ask for gifts/cash regardless of whether a wedding if first or twenty-fifth, but I think that if you want to give a gift, there's no reason to give less just because it's not the first.

#24 Mis-Placed

Posted 15 January 2013 - 08:59 PM

Yes, i understand what your saying, and i agree that i would probably not even give presents a 2nd thought the second time around?! However, im bothered that some posters obviously have this attitude that people are "not entitled" to a big or generous present as someone getting married for the FIRST time....

#25 Overtherainbow

Posted 15 January 2013 - 09:01 PM

Is it the same for divorced vs widowed?  What of the 2nd marriage is due to an abusive situation?

I've only been to one 2nd wedding when our widowed friend remarried.  We were so excited for him and we gave a present to celebrate their new union.  

Like all weddings, we give based on relationship with couple and individual needs.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

RPA hospital contacting mums after discovering vaccine storage fault

Sydney's Royal Prince Alfred Hospital (RPA) is trying to contact women who had babies at the facility after discovering a fault in a refrigerator containing vaccines.

'Nutella' not a baby name, French court says

A French court has blocked parents from naming their baby girl after the hazelnut spread Nutella, arguing it would make her the target of mockery.

Why I'm never calling myself 'just a mum' again

I’ve grown three human beings. I feed them, dress them, teach them, care for them and love them 24 hours a day. Yet for eight years, when I meet new people and they’ve asked me what I do, I tell them: “I’m just a mum”.

Rosie Batty named 2015 Australian of the Year

One year ago, Rosie Batty could not have imagined she'd be where she is. Tonight the grieving mum who put domestic violence on the national agenda was named Australian of the Year.

Five reasons to hug more

Hugging – some of us thrive on it, even depend on it – and then there are those who don't care for it really. So, are they missing out?

Help - my three-year-old has started throwing tantrums

My daughter never went through the "terrible twos" but began throwing wild tantrums shortly after her third birthday.

That's commitment

First peek at Sonia Kruger's daughter Maggie

"She smells so good, I could eat her," Kruger tells co-host David Campbell.

Mum assists in own caesarean surgery

A mum who partly delivered her own twins during a caesarean has encouraged other women to take control of their birthing experience.

How to handle common childhood regressions

Regression can be a natural and common part of development prompted by a variety of factors, but that doesn't make it less frustrating.

Disgruntled dad's pram ad goes viral

When buying a second hand pram, there are lots of things to take into consideration. 

Man discovers he's a dad after finding 55-year-old letter

Discovering you are about to father a baby is startling enough - never mind finding out you have a 61-year-old son.

15 thoughts mums have during a tantrum

Ranging from mild to feral and triggered by events both minor and major, tantrums certainly keep life interesting.

Natural pain relief in the early stages of labour

While managing labour pains on your own can be daunting, there are a number of natural pain relief options to help you cope until you are admitted to hospital.

Forgotten Baby Syndrome claims the life of toddler

One baby dies every eight days in the back of a car in the US, victims of 'forgotten baby syndrome'.

For a brief time, I was touched by an angel

For a brief time, I was touched by an angel. You stole my heart, and changed me into the women I am today.

Chrissie Swan has reached her "sex quota"

Chrissie Swan says she and her partner have sex once a year due to her fear of falling pregnant.

Chinese woman gives birth to quintuplets

After six years of trying for a baby, a couple’s dreams have come true many times over after the mum gave birth to quintuplets this week.

Five-year-old shoots nine-month-old brother dead

A nine-month-old baby boy died on Monday after he was shot in the head by his five-year-old brother in their grandfather's home.

'Is that baby yours?'

She is my daughter. I gave birth to her. I nurse her. But she doesn't have any of my genes.

Episiotomy in childbirth: not just 'a little snip'

Episiotomies have a place in maternity care – and can occasionally save lives – but should not be performed routinely.

Win an Octonauts prize pack

To celebrate the launch of Octonauts Live! Operation Reef Shield, a spectacular underwater adventure live on stage, we are giving away an amazing Octonauts prize pack to one lucky fan.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Stars help save choking babies

It's an important lesson to learn, but one that busy new mums and dads might overlook until it's too late.

New Girl star Zooey Deschanel pregnant

Actress Zooey Deschanel is expecting her first child with her producer boyfriend Jacob Pechenik.

16 times 'dad reflexes' saved the day

Of course, in some cases they may be the ones who actually got their child into a precarious position in the first place, but we'll ignore that for now.

Couple's 'non-traditional' pregnancy announcement goes viral

Knowing you are not the father of your pregnant wife's baby would usually indicate a rocky relationship ahead for traditional parents.

The trials and tribulations of identical triplet newborns

Pip Donnelly is still playing spot the difference with her newborn identical triplets, Isabelle, Georgina and Frankie.

Win an Octonauts prize pack

To celebrate the launch of Octonauts Live! Operation Reef Shield, a spectacular underwater adventure live on stage, we are giving away an amazing Octonauts prize pack to one lucky fan.

Earthquake baby thriving five years on

Jenny Alexis is lucky to be alive after spending four days buried in the rubble of the 2010 Haitian earthquake, but now she's a thriving five year old.

Please don't say I'm lucky because I was adopted

On the one hand I was having a regular life with friends and sports and sleepovers and school. But I was also always wondering: Did my mother love me? What was wrong with me?

An open letter to non-parents who offer advice on child-rearing

Kitty, when you’re the parent of my child you’re welcome to wade in with an opinion – but until then, I’d prefer you to have a supportive ear and a glass of wine ready.

Couple arrested over baby gun video

A US couple faces charges after investigators say they found mobile phone videos showing the woman's 12-month-old daughter putting a handgun in her mouth.

NSW Health dumps 10-year limit on frozen embryos

A 10-year time limit on storing frozen embryos that were created with donor sperm has been dropped by the NSW government.

How my happy-go-lucky husband became a monster

Sharan Nicholson-Rogers watched her husband change from a happy-go-lucky police officer into an unpredictable man prone to violent and emotional outbursts.

Dads-to-be experience hormonal changes, too

Dads-to-be experience hormonal changes in line with their pregnant partners, a new study shows.

'They were just doing their job': mum of toddler killed in police chase gone wrong

"They were just doing their job. I feel so sorry for them. It is all just too sad."

Miscarriages to be formally recognised by NSW government

Women who miscarry will be able to obtain an optional "recognition of loss" certificate as a formal recognition of their often heartbreaking loss.

Cafe cubby house 'too noisy' for neighbours

Teenage parties, domestic disputes, or raucous late night pubs are the things that usually come to mind when you think neighbourhood noise complaints.

Dad films baby playing with snake

Most parents would not consider a snake an appropriate playmate for their baby, but a US dad who filmed his daughter playing with a python has defended himself against criticism.

Clever breastfeeding products

Check out this range of products designed to help make your breastfeeding journey more enjoyable, manageable and convenient.

 

Back to School Offer

Findababysitter.com.au

We've got you covered for this school year. Use www.findababysitter.com.au to meet local nannies now.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.