Jump to content

Do you give less for second weddings?
spin off- wedding gifts.


  • Please log in to reply
46 replies to this topic

#1 ubermum

Posted 15 January 2013 - 07:44 PM

We have a wedding coming up for a fairly close member of the family. This will be the person's second wedding (new partner) in the last 5 years. Yes, it's a wishing well, complete with tacky poem and presence and presents used in the wording. Would you give less than the first time you attended the wedding of the person?

#2 JRA

Posted 15 January 2013 - 07:47 PM

I don't believe in people asking for presents for their second wedding. Shoot me.

But as they want money/presents, I would not reduce what I would give because it is a second wedding.

#3 Mpjp is feral

Posted 15 January 2013 - 07:48 PM

Gee I dont know what I would do....but for my second wedding we specificed no gifts with that other well used poen "your presence is present enough"!!!

It felt way too cheeky to expect any sort of gift when we were well established, houses, kids, and both of us in a 2nd wedding....especially when for each of us many of the guests went to our respective first weddings!!!

#4 PixieVee

Posted 15 January 2013 - 07:49 PM

No I wouldn't give less! I find that so weird to be honest.

Anyway, I still hate those effing poems. If anything give less for the poem.

#5 starsg

Posted 15 January 2013 - 07:50 PM


it would depend how much I gave the first time, and also are the couple trying to establish themselves? or do they already have all the homewares etc. If I didn't give a huge amount the first time (say $100 or so) I would probably give the same. if I had given more (say 300 plus) the first time I would think about giving less simply because they are less likely to need as much as a first time married couple.

#6 luke's mummu

Posted 15 January 2013 - 07:50 PM

Yes, generally a bit less, but the 2 second weddings we have been to (both first and second) have been a bit smaller. My brother has been engaged twice and no I didn't spend less on the engagement present the 2nd time round. I knew he had given away/lost most of the presents from his first engagement and it just somehow didn't seem right to me.

I guess it depends how close you are to the person.

Edited by luke's mummu, 15 January 2013 - 07:50 PM.


#7 Apageintime

Posted 15 January 2013 - 07:50 PM

Depends on the circumstances, like how far apart the weddings were, my acquaintance who got married twice in 2 years definitely got less 2nd time around.

I generally thought presents weren't the 'done' thing at second weddings anyway...

#8 Beancat

Posted 15 January 2013 - 07:53 PM

I probably wouldnt.  They still have costs to put on the wedding and they are starting their own life story together so it would be nice for them to get somthing form the wishing well money that they like and can call their own.  

FWIW I am in my second serious r/s.  The first one I was married no kids, this one our third kid is on the way and we have our own house.  We still had to set the house up with "our" stuff which has taken 5 years and I would like a gift that was about us.  Also if we got married it would be DPs first wedding adn I would not like him to miss out just becuase I had been married before

#9 JustBeige

Posted 15 January 2013 - 07:55 PM

Depends on how close I am to the person / couple getting married.
Depends on whether the first lot of gifts was appreciated or given to the charity bins.
Depends on whether I view the person / couple as money grubbing so and so's


Depends on lots of things.

Its not automatic that because its the 2nd wedding they get less.

Edited by JustBeige, 15 January 2013 - 07:56 PM.


#10 vanessa71

Posted 15 January 2013 - 07:56 PM

I have never been to a second wedding, looks like all my friends have done well so far.  wink.gif

I would spend the same amount as I would for any wedding, I would not reduce the amount just because it was a person's second wedding. I would most likely contribute a present rather than cash to a wishing well though.


#11 Acidulous Osprey

Posted 15 January 2013 - 08:02 PM

Yeah I was annoyed at people not taking my wedding seriously because my partner had been married briefly before.



#12 Gudrun

Posted 15 January 2013 - 08:02 PM

We've just been invited to a second wedding for both (didn't go to either first wedding). They have been living together for ages, have a child together and are well established, in need of nought.

The invitation states 'no present required'. I took that to mean bring a little something, DH took it to mean 'no present'.  

Obviously their invitation is reflective of their situation, but what is the translation for 'no present required'?

#13 JRA

Posted 15 January 2013 - 08:06 PM

When we said no presents, we meant NO PRESENTS.

That is why we said it.

#14 Acidulous Osprey

Posted 15 January 2013 - 08:06 PM

My translation is they are rude, rude, rude as nobody can 'require' a present.

Once I finished laughing at that, I'd either decide to give a present or not depending on how I felt about the couple and whether or not it would make me happy to give them a present.

#15 Acidulous Osprey

Posted 15 January 2013 - 08:07 PM

Hey now JRA there is no way you can convince me you said no present 'required'.

No presents thank you means no presents.  No presents required makes them optional but not a condition of entry to the festivities.

#16 Tiger Lilly

Posted 15 January 2013 - 08:08 PM

Do people really even think about these things? lol

#17 JRA

Posted 15 January 2013 - 08:09 PM

True balzac, to say no present required is simply rude. Surely they didn't say that. Surely

#18 FeralRebelWClaws

Posted 15 January 2013 - 08:11 PM

QUOTE (JRA @ 15/01/2013, 08:47 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I don't believe in people asking for presents for their second wedding. Shoot me.

But as they want money/presents, I would not reduce what I would give because it is a second wedding.

What if it's one persons second and one persons first??? Happens more and more these days.

Second wedding in 5 years... well... I'd probably give less and save the rest up for the next one  biggrin.gif

#19 katniss

Posted 15 January 2013 - 08:24 PM

QUOTE (Mexy @ 15/01/2013, 06:08 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Do people really even think about these things? lol


LOL, that's what I was thinking! I can't believe people read so much into words on an invitation!

#20 B-B-M

Posted 15 January 2013 - 08:38 PM

As with the first time around, i would give what i could afford/wanted to give.

How does one even know what was given/spent last time? I can't remember what i did last week lt alone how much i gave to someone years ago laughing2.gif



#21 Mis-Placed

Posted 15 January 2013 - 08:43 PM

I find this really sad actually - that people think that a person's "2nd marriage" cant and shouldn't be taken as a serious undertaking. That because people have been previously married they dont deserve presents or are thought of as "money-grabbing?!"

My auntie was widowed in her mid 30's. Her husband was gone. Just like that. She is now, ten years ++ down the track with a new partner. I would feel sick if i knew people were saying these things should she wish to get married again. Everyone deserves a 2nd chance and new beginnings.....

#22 JRA

Posted 15 January 2013 - 08:48 PM

It is not about whether it is serious. I can say that, both dh and I were married to our previous spouses for about 6 years, we have been married to each other for 17? years I think.

But by the time we were getting married a second time, we were well established, we didn't want presents, and most people getting married a 2nd time are similar. In the same way I would always say "no presents'" for a 40th or 50th etc.

#23 Propaganda

Posted 15 January 2013 - 08:56 PM

I think it's tacky to ask for gifts/cash regardless of whether a wedding if first or twenty-fifth, but I think that if you want to give a gift, there's no reason to give less just because it's not the first.

#24 Mis-Placed

Posted 15 January 2013 - 08:59 PM

Yes, i understand what your saying, and i agree that i would probably not even give presents a 2nd thought the second time around?! However, im bothered that some posters obviously have this attitude that people are "not entitled" to a big or generous present as someone getting married for the FIRST time....

#25 Overtherainbow

Posted 15 January 2013 - 09:01 PM

Is it the same for divorced vs widowed?  What of the 2nd marriage is due to an abusive situation?

I've only been to one 2nd wedding when our widowed friend remarried.  We were so excited for him and we gave a present to celebrate their new union.  

Like all weddings, we give based on relationship with couple and individual needs.




0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Exclusive Black Friday Sale!

Get over 40% off selected products, including prams, baby carriers, cloth nappies, sleeping bags and much more! 24 hours only, on May 6 - register now for your special code.

Kelly Clarkson shares first photos of son

Kelly Clarkson has shown off the first photos of her son, Remington Alexander Blackstock.

5 childbirth myths that need to be busted

Birth is an unpredictable, mysterious process that intrigues us all, and there is a lot of misinformation out there.

Mum of three fatally shot by toddler while driving

A US mother has been shot by her toddler while driving on a highway in Wisconsin.

All you need is one minute to work out

The seven-minute-work out is old news. Research shows the effectiveness of going hell-for-leather for just one minute.

Pregnant women needed to join diabetes study

Pregnant woman in country Australia will help Adelaide researchers figure out why cases of type 1 diabetes have doubled over the past two decades.

Just announced: the Mountain Buggy Unirider

It's the perfect solution to combat those toddler meltdowns when they no longer want to be in a pram but can't walk long distances.

Authorities euthanise dog that fatally bit a newborn baby

A pit bull mix that fatally bit a 3-day-old infant last week has been euthanised, authorities said.

The push for Medicare to fund lactation consultants

While meeting with a lactation consultant can make an enormous difference to a new mother, it's not a service that is available through the public health system.

Why it's perfectly natural to dislike other people's children

Members of a popular forum are fiercely debating whether it is acceptable to dislike a friend's child.

Woman gives birth on plane, names baby after airline

A pregnant woman who unexpectedly gave birth on a flight has named her new baby after the airline, Jetstar.

Heartwarming photos show the joy of adoption after foster care

Children living in foster care can feel like their future is less than clear. But that uncertainty disappears the day they are adopted by their "forever family" 

'Oh my god, it's a baby!' Mum shocked to give birth

When the cramps started to kick in, Klara Dollan just assumed a painful period was starting.

Mum's Facebook plea: 'Help me find my daughter's father'

Kerryn has a unusual present planned for daughter Imi's 13th birthday celebrations - she hopes to be able to be able to give the soon-to-be the teenager her first ever photo of her dad.

Is it possible for your house to be too clean?

Our houses are cleaner than ever before. But how clean is too clean? Could a sterile home be putting your family's health at risk?

Millions of Monkeys: puzzles that grow with your toddler

Here's a puzzle that grows with them; the Puzzle Grow Pack by Millions of Monkeys.

Baby names from Britpop

If you grew up in the 90s you might want to look to the genre of Britpop music for baby name inspiration.

What to eat and drink when you have gastro

When you catch a bug that causes acute infectious gastroenteritis (gastro), your stomach and intestinal tract become inflamed, causing diarrhoea, nausea, vomiting, abdominal cramping and pain. The last thing you probably feel like doing is eating.

'To this day, I owe her my life'

Would I have survived if I hadn't crossed that street?

Why baby Sonny needs you to vaccinate your children

Caitlin is a firm believer in the importance of immunisation to protect children from harmful and deadly diseases.

Five-year-old's photo captures beauty of motherhood

There is no make-up or special outfits and hairdos, but the five-year-old boy who took this picture captured the essence of motherhood as well as any professional photographer.

Babies know whether you are naughty or nice

Studies have shown that infants in the first months of life try to avoid dealing with social wrongdoers - for example, sharing less with them and helping them less - and they expect others to, too.

 
Advertisement
 

Top 5 Articles

Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

The babies who are one in 70 million

Bethani Webb was excited to find out she was pregnant, but the first time mum did not realise she was carrying four babies not one.

Exclusive Black Friday Sale!

Get over 40% off selected products, including prams, baby carriers, cloth nappies, sleeping bags and much more! 24 hours only, on May 6 - register now for your special code.

Cafe offers breastfeeding mums a free cup of tea

A Sydney cafe is offering breastfeeding mums free cups of tea in a bid to show support for the right of women to nurse their babies wherever they choose.

To snip or not to snip? When the decision is not clear cut

Jamie Oliver, who considered a vasectomy, is to be a father again. A fellow dad reflects on his own decision 11 years ago

Doctors stunned by rare twins born almost six weeks apart

To everyone's surprise, Kristen Miller "kept doing better each day", keeping her second baby safe.

Baby book ideas for modern parents

Before my son was born I was given a lovely baby book full of blank pages waiting to be filled with weights and heights and first words.

The adorable smile of a baby seeing his mum clearly for the first time

There is no doubt seeing their child smile for the first time is an unforgettable moment for parents everywhere.

Mum tells how toddler 'nearly hung himself' in cot mishap

When Alison Johnson put her 18-month-old Caleb down for a nap, she had no reason to believe her son was in any danger.

Babies are still switched at birth? Yes, it can happen

All my panic and tears aside, my biggest question looking back is about the kind of security measures used in the maternity ward.

Doctors slammed for taking selfie with newborn

Everyone who visits a mum in hospital in the days following childbirth wants to get a photo with the new baby.

ergoPouch Twosie Sleepsuit for winter breastfeeding

Finally, there's a way to keep warm while breastfeeding through winter.

Health check: How long does sex 'normally' last?

What to do with this information? My advice would be to try not to think about it during the throes of passion.

When breastfeeding sucks: fixing common problems

From niplash to tight boobs, biting to milk supply issues, Pinky McKay looks at common breastfeeding issues and how to solve them.

10 things I've learnt in my first six months with twins

Six months on we're all still alive, and the more we get to know each other the easier the days become.

Mum's loving kiss leaves baby fighting for life

Kirsty Carrington thought nothing of giving her newborn son a kiss, little did she know it would leave the baby fighting for life.

When doing chores is your new 'me time'

After children, 'me time' looks a little different.

Get going: 14 travel strollers for families on the move

A stroller can make or break travelling with a baby or toddler. Here are 15 great single travel stroller options.

10 ways toddlers are terrific

It always pays to remind yourself of how terrific toddlers can be - they're little like this for such a short time

 

ENTER NOW

Do your kids love bananas?

This is the comp for you! We have $800 worth of Myer gift cards and boxes of Australian Bananas to be won. Entry is simple: just post a pic of your little one enjoying a banana in the comments of the FB post to enter.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.