Jump to content

Do you give less for second weddings?
spin off- wedding gifts.


  • Please log in to reply
46 replies to this topic

#1 ubermum

Posted 15 January 2013 - 07:44 PM

We have a wedding coming up for a fairly close member of the family. This will be the person's second wedding (new partner) in the last 5 years. Yes, it's a wishing well, complete with tacky poem and presence and presents used in the wording. Would you give less than the first time you attended the wedding of the person?

#2 JRA

Posted 15 January 2013 - 07:47 PM

I don't believe in people asking for presents for their second wedding. Shoot me.

But as they want money/presents, I would not reduce what I would give because it is a second wedding.

#3 Mpjp is feral

Posted 15 January 2013 - 07:48 PM

Gee I dont know what I would do....but for my second wedding we specificed no gifts with that other well used poen "your presence is present enough"!!!

It felt way too cheeky to expect any sort of gift when we were well established, houses, kids, and both of us in a 2nd wedding....especially when for each of us many of the guests went to our respective first weddings!!!

#4 PixieVee

Posted 15 January 2013 - 07:49 PM

No I wouldn't give less! I find that so weird to be honest.

Anyway, I still hate those effing poems. If anything give less for the poem.

#5 starsg

Posted 15 January 2013 - 07:50 PM


it would depend how much I gave the first time, and also are the couple trying to establish themselves? or do they already have all the homewares etc. If I didn't give a huge amount the first time (say $100 or so) I would probably give the same. if I had given more (say 300 plus) the first time I would think about giving less simply because they are less likely to need as much as a first time married couple.

#6 luke's mummu

Posted 15 January 2013 - 07:50 PM

Yes, generally a bit less, but the 2 second weddings we have been to (both first and second) have been a bit smaller. My brother has been engaged twice and no I didn't spend less on the engagement present the 2nd time round. I knew he had given away/lost most of the presents from his first engagement and it just somehow didn't seem right to me.

I guess it depends how close you are to the person.

Edited by luke's mummu, 15 January 2013 - 07:50 PM.


#7 Apageintime

Posted 15 January 2013 - 07:50 PM

Depends on the circumstances, like how far apart the weddings were, my acquaintance who got married twice in 2 years definitely got less 2nd time around.

I generally thought presents weren't the 'done' thing at second weddings anyway...

#8 Beancat

Posted 15 January 2013 - 07:53 PM

I probably wouldnt.  They still have costs to put on the wedding and they are starting their own life story together so it would be nice for them to get somthing form the wishing well money that they like and can call their own.  

FWIW I am in my second serious r/s.  The first one I was married no kids, this one our third kid is on the way and we have our own house.  We still had to set the house up with "our" stuff which has taken 5 years and I would like a gift that was about us.  Also if we got married it would be DPs first wedding adn I would not like him to miss out just becuase I had been married before

#9 JustBeige

Posted 15 January 2013 - 07:55 PM

Depends on how close I am to the person / couple getting married.
Depends on whether the first lot of gifts was appreciated or given to the charity bins.
Depends on whether I view the person / couple as money grubbing so and so's


Depends on lots of things.

Its not automatic that because its the 2nd wedding they get less.

Edited by JustBeige, 15 January 2013 - 07:56 PM.


#10 vanessa71

Posted 15 January 2013 - 07:56 PM

I have never been to a second wedding, looks like all my friends have done well so far.  wink.gif

I would spend the same amount as I would for any wedding, I would not reduce the amount just because it was a person's second wedding. I would most likely contribute a present rather than cash to a wishing well though.


#11 Feral Nicety

Posted 15 January 2013 - 08:02 PM

Yeah I was annoyed at people not taking my wedding seriously because my partner had been married briefly before.



#12 Gudrun

Posted 15 January 2013 - 08:02 PM

We've just been invited to a second wedding for both (didn't go to either first wedding). They have been living together for ages, have a child together and are well established, in need of nought.

The invitation states 'no present required'. I took that to mean bring a little something, DH took it to mean 'no present'.  

Obviously their invitation is reflective of their situation, but what is the translation for 'no present required'?

#13 JRA

Posted 15 January 2013 - 08:06 PM

When we said no presents, we meant NO PRESENTS.

That is why we said it.

#14 Feral Nicety

Posted 15 January 2013 - 08:06 PM

My translation is they are rude, rude, rude as nobody can 'require' a present.

Once I finished laughing at that, I'd either decide to give a present or not depending on how I felt about the couple and whether or not it would make me happy to give them a present.

#15 Feral Nicety

Posted 15 January 2013 - 08:07 PM

Hey now JRA there is no way you can convince me you said no present 'required'.

No presents thank you means no presents.  No presents required makes them optional but not a condition of entry to the festivities.

#16 Tiger Lilly

Posted 15 January 2013 - 08:08 PM

Do people really even think about these things? lol

#17 JRA

Posted 15 January 2013 - 08:09 PM

True balzac, to say no present required is simply rude. Surely they didn't say that. Surely

#18 FeralRebelWClaws

Posted 15 January 2013 - 08:11 PM

QUOTE (JRA @ 15/01/2013, 08:47 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I don't believe in people asking for presents for their second wedding. Shoot me.

But as they want money/presents, I would not reduce what I would give because it is a second wedding.

What if it's one persons second and one persons first??? Happens more and more these days.

Second wedding in 5 years... well... I'd probably give less and save the rest up for the next one  biggrin.gif

#19 katniss

Posted 15 January 2013 - 08:24 PM

QUOTE (Mexy @ 15/01/2013, 06:08 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Do people really even think about these things? lol


LOL, that's what I was thinking! I can't believe people read so much into words on an invitation!

#20 B-B-M

Posted 15 January 2013 - 08:38 PM

As with the first time around, i would give what i could afford/wanted to give.

How does one even know what was given/spent last time? I can't remember what i did last week lt alone how much i gave to someone years ago laughing2.gif



#21 Mis-Placed

Posted 15 January 2013 - 08:43 PM

I find this really sad actually - that people think that a person's "2nd marriage" cant and shouldn't be taken as a serious undertaking. That because people have been previously married they dont deserve presents or are thought of as "money-grabbing?!"

My auntie was widowed in her mid 30's. Her husband was gone. Just like that. She is now, ten years ++ down the track with a new partner. I would feel sick if i knew people were saying these things should she wish to get married again. Everyone deserves a 2nd chance and new beginnings.....

#22 JRA

Posted 15 January 2013 - 08:48 PM

It is not about whether it is serious. I can say that, both dh and I were married to our previous spouses for about 6 years, we have been married to each other for 17? years I think.

But by the time we were getting married a second time, we were well established, we didn't want presents, and most people getting married a 2nd time are similar. In the same way I would always say "no presents'" for a 40th or 50th etc.

#23 Propaganda

Posted 15 January 2013 - 08:56 PM

I think it's tacky to ask for gifts/cash regardless of whether a wedding if first or twenty-fifth, but I think that if you want to give a gift, there's no reason to give less just because it's not the first.

#24 Mis-Placed

Posted 15 January 2013 - 08:59 PM

Yes, i understand what your saying, and i agree that i would probably not even give presents a 2nd thought the second time around?! However, im bothered that some posters obviously have this attitude that people are "not entitled" to a big or generous present as someone getting married for the FIRST time....

#25 Overtherainbow

Posted 15 January 2013 - 09:01 PM

Is it the same for divorced vs widowed?  What of the 2nd marriage is due to an abusive situation?

I've only been to one 2nd wedding when our widowed friend remarried.  We were so excited for him and we gave a present to celebrate their new union.  

Like all weddings, we give based on relationship with couple and individual needs.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Win $1000 with Sea-Bands!

Three lucky fans can win a Sea-Band prize pack valued at over $1000 each, which includes two Sea-Bands plus a $1000 Eftpos gift card!

Misery loves Facebook

Facebook users are often criticised for only showing the positive, fun parts of their lives. But what about when it swings the other way, when someone uses it for the purposes of ranting about their children all the time, never posting anything positive?

Toddler's adorable impersonation of pregnant mum

Little Ellis has noticed his mum is walking differently lately, and his impersonation of her is hilarious.

'Forgotten baby syndrome' can happen to any one of us

When my third child was two months old, I strapped her into her car seat, then promptly forgot all about her. But she survived, unharmed, because it was winter, and I was lucky.

Join the Real Mums Test Drive Team

Five mums or mums-to-be will join the EB Test Drive Team and discover great items at an exclusive Big W event. (Sydney only.)

Ten things I've learned about motherhood

Never take a good night's sleep for granted. There is no logic like toddler logic. Standing on Lego hurts every time. These are the truths of parenthood.

Parenting past the toddler years: what's next?

Your baby has grown into a toddler, and now your toddler is fast approaching the preschooler stage. What can you expect as a parent?

Tips on what to pack in your hospital bag

Before giving birth I read countless lists, ended up overpacking just a little, and now know what I'll actually want to pack next time.

New app keeps tabs on your kids at childcare

Popular new technology lets parents know what their children are up to at childcare - but not everyone is a fan.

21 things I love about newborns

There?s an irresistible magic about newborns. Of course they're not all smiles and rainbows, but they are undeniably cute and remarkable in so, so many ways.

Kid-friendly hairdressers: who says haircuts can?t be fun?

I?ve found some salons who boast setups ideal for children ? you name it, they?ve thought of it. All are designed to make haircuts fun rather than stressful.

Labour pain relief may reduce risk of postnatal depression: study

Postnatal depression is a complex condition, but researchers say pain relief during labour may help some women.

Why we need better support for men after miscarriage

In a recent study, 85 per cent of men admitted feeling sadness after their partner miscarried, but almost half said they didn't share their feelings at all. What can be done to help them?

Mum in business: Kristy Chong

Kristy Chong is the managing director of Australian-made Modibodi underwear and a mum to Lucas, 6, Jason, 4, and Isaac, 6 months. She shares her advice for other mums thinking about starting their own businesses.

From toddler to preschooler: a developmental roadmap

So your toddler is growing up and will soon be entering the preschooler years. Here are a few ways to frame their development that will help you understand what?s going in those beautiful, funny, clever little heads of theirs.

Mum sacrifices an eye for her unborn baby

Motherhood is full of sacrifices, but this woman has made a life-altering one - and her baby hasn't even been born.

A grandparent by any other name

A growing number of grandparents are shunning tradition and going against conventional names - but a grandparent by any other name still gives the same awesome cuddles and kisses.

Photographer captures the beauty of adoption

The love of a family is usually tough to capture on camera. This is an exception.

When labour just doesn't happen

After three healthy kids, I can?t help feeling I?ve been a little ripped off. I missed out on something I had always wanted to experience, and now I?ll never get the chance.

Be careful what you say, your baby is listening

The importance of speaking to your baby even if they are not old enough to answer back has been highlighted by new research.

Share the little things that make you smile

We're giving away a Mountain Buggy nano, the ultimate travel stroller - and here are some of the great entries so far.

Win a Mountain Buggy nano

We?re giving away the new Mountain Buggy Nano - the lightweight travel buggy! So show us the little things that make you smile for your chance to win.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Win a Mountain Buggy nano

We?re giving away the new Mountain Buggy Nano - the lightweight travel buggy! So show us the little things that make you smile for your chance to win.

Be careful what you say, your baby is listening

The importance of speaking to your baby even if they are not old enough to answer back has been highlighted by new research.

Win $1000 with Sea-Bands!

Three lucky fans can win a Sea-Band prize pack valued at over $1000 each, which includes two Sea-Bands plus a $1000 Eftpos gift card!

The beautiful moment a baby was born at the side of a road

It's not where she expected to give birth, but mum Corrine Cinatl is delighted that her daughter's roadside arrival was captured in a series of beautiful photos.

Doctor sings first Happy Birthday to newborns

His job is to deliver babies, but this US obstetrician also has a unique way of celebrating the miracle of life.

Join the Real Mums Test Drive Team

Five mums or mums-to-be will join the EB Test Drive Team and discover great items at an exclusive Big W event. (Sydney only.)

The Nappy Collective starts new drive

It's that time of year when the dedicated volunteers at The Nappy Collective do their bit to help out mums and children in need - and they need your help.

Baby shower cake wrecks

From misshapen cake babies to questionable text, from odd colour choices to internal organ recreation, these are the baby shower cakes that taste forgot.

Photographer captures the beauty of adoption

The love of a family is usually tough to capture on camera. This is an exception.

Pregnancy progression photo ideas

Want to record your pregnancy as your belly grows? Here are some creative, fun ideas for photo shoots along the way.

The myths and facts about "normal" breastfeeding

When it comes to successful breastfeeding, there is a wide variety to what is "normal", according to new research.

Tin can craft and DIY ideas

Got a few old formula, Milo or coffee cans around the house? Use these fantastic upcycling ideas to create items for around the house and yard.

Dads meet their newborn for the first time

Emotional photos of two fathers meeting their newborn son have resonated with viewers worldwide, attracting thousands of Facebook likes and shares.

Skin safety isn't just a summer worry

Lax about the slip slop slap with your kids as weather turns cooler? Here's a reminder as to why we have to remain vigilant for our children?s future health.

Personalised baby gifts

We've scoured the internet to find gorgeous personalised keepsakes and nursery decor to record baby name and dates. They make great gifts for christenings, name days and birthdays! (All prices in AU.)

Creative sleeping baby photoshoots

See how some parents and photographers have captured sleeping babies in unusual positions and using different props.

DIY kitchen and food hacks

DIY your way to a better kitchen and make cooking easier with our clever hacks. (Some content reproduced with permission from mashable.com.)

Winter warmers for babies and toddlers

Your baby or toddler will be nice and snug in these beautiful and fun winter pieces. Most are hand-made or knitted, and they're all designed to keep your little one toastie - and adorable!

 

Mind, body, beauty, life

Making time for me

We look at your wellbeing, covering health, relationships, beauty and fashion, mind and body.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.