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Do you give less for second weddings?
spin off- wedding gifts.


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46 replies to this topic

#1 ubermum

Posted 15 January 2013 - 07:44 PM

We have a wedding coming up for a fairly close member of the family. This will be the person's second wedding (new partner) in the last 5 years. Yes, it's a wishing well, complete with tacky poem and presence and presents used in the wording. Would you give less than the first time you attended the wedding of the person?

#2 JRA

Posted 15 January 2013 - 07:47 PM

I don't believe in people asking for presents for their second wedding. Shoot me.

But as they want money/presents, I would not reduce what I would give because it is a second wedding.

#3 Mpjp is feral

Posted 15 January 2013 - 07:48 PM

Gee I dont know what I would do....but for my second wedding we specificed no gifts with that other well used poen "your presence is present enough"!!!

It felt way too cheeky to expect any sort of gift when we were well established, houses, kids, and both of us in a 2nd wedding....especially when for each of us many of the guests went to our respective first weddings!!!

#4 PixieVee

Posted 15 January 2013 - 07:49 PM

No I wouldn't give less! I find that so weird to be honest.

Anyway, I still hate those effing poems. If anything give less for the poem.

#5 starsg

Posted 15 January 2013 - 07:50 PM


it would depend how much I gave the first time, and also are the couple trying to establish themselves? or do they already have all the homewares etc. If I didn't give a huge amount the first time (say $100 or so) I would probably give the same. if I had given more (say 300 plus) the first time I would think about giving less simply because they are less likely to need as much as a first time married couple.

#6 luke's mummu

Posted 15 January 2013 - 07:50 PM

Yes, generally a bit less, but the 2 second weddings we have been to (both first and second) have been a bit smaller. My brother has been engaged twice and no I didn't spend less on the engagement present the 2nd time round. I knew he had given away/lost most of the presents from his first engagement and it just somehow didn't seem right to me.

I guess it depends how close you are to the person.

Edited by luke's mummu, 15 January 2013 - 07:50 PM.


#7 Apageintime

Posted 15 January 2013 - 07:50 PM

Depends on the circumstances, like how far apart the weddings were, my acquaintance who got married twice in 2 years definitely got less 2nd time around.

I generally thought presents weren't the 'done' thing at second weddings anyway...

#8 Beancat

Posted 15 January 2013 - 07:53 PM

I probably wouldnt.  They still have costs to put on the wedding and they are starting their own life story together so it would be nice for them to get somthing form the wishing well money that they like and can call their own.  

FWIW I am in my second serious r/s.  The first one I was married no kids, this one our third kid is on the way and we have our own house.  We still had to set the house up with "our" stuff which has taken 5 years and I would like a gift that was about us.  Also if we got married it would be DPs first wedding adn I would not like him to miss out just becuase I had been married before

#9 JustBeige

Posted 15 January 2013 - 07:55 PM

Depends on how close I am to the person / couple getting married.
Depends on whether the first lot of gifts was appreciated or given to the charity bins.
Depends on whether I view the person / couple as money grubbing so and so's


Depends on lots of things.

Its not automatic that because its the 2nd wedding they get less.

Edited by JustBeige, 15 January 2013 - 07:56 PM.


#10 vanessa71

Posted 15 January 2013 - 07:56 PM

I have never been to a second wedding, looks like all my friends have done well so far.  wink.gif

I would spend the same amount as I would for any wedding, I would not reduce the amount just because it was a person's second wedding. I would most likely contribute a present rather than cash to a wishing well though.


#11 Feral Nicety

Posted 15 January 2013 - 08:02 PM

Yeah I was annoyed at people not taking my wedding seriously because my partner had been married briefly before.



#12 Gudrun

Posted 15 January 2013 - 08:02 PM

We've just been invited to a second wedding for both (didn't go to either first wedding). They have been living together for ages, have a child together and are well established, in need of nought.

The invitation states 'no present required'. I took that to mean bring a little something, DH took it to mean 'no present'.  

Obviously their invitation is reflective of their situation, but what is the translation for 'no present required'?

#13 JRA

Posted 15 January 2013 - 08:06 PM

When we said no presents, we meant NO PRESENTS.

That is why we said it.

#14 Feral Nicety

Posted 15 January 2013 - 08:06 PM

My translation is they are rude, rude, rude as nobody can 'require' a present.

Once I finished laughing at that, I'd either decide to give a present or not depending on how I felt about the couple and whether or not it would make me happy to give them a present.

#15 Feral Nicety

Posted 15 January 2013 - 08:07 PM

Hey now JRA there is no way you can convince me you said no present 'required'.

No presents thank you means no presents.  No presents required makes them optional but not a condition of entry to the festivities.

#16 Tiger Lilly

Posted 15 January 2013 - 08:08 PM

Do people really even think about these things? lol

#17 JRA

Posted 15 January 2013 - 08:09 PM

True balzac, to say no present required is simply rude. Surely they didn't say that. Surely

#18 FeralRebelWClaws

Posted 15 January 2013 - 08:11 PM

QUOTE (JRA @ 15/01/2013, 08:47 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I don't believe in people asking for presents for their second wedding. Shoot me.

But as they want money/presents, I would not reduce what I would give because it is a second wedding.

What if it's one persons second and one persons first??? Happens more and more these days.

Second wedding in 5 years... well... I'd probably give less and save the rest up for the next one  biggrin.gif

#19 katniss

Posted 15 January 2013 - 08:24 PM

QUOTE (Mexy @ 15/01/2013, 06:08 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Do people really even think about these things? lol


LOL, that's what I was thinking! I can't believe people read so much into words on an invitation!

#20 B-B-M

Posted 15 January 2013 - 08:38 PM

As with the first time around, i would give what i could afford/wanted to give.

How does one even know what was given/spent last time? I can't remember what i did last week lt alone how much i gave to someone years ago laughing2.gif



#21 Mis-Placed

Posted 15 January 2013 - 08:43 PM

I find this really sad actually - that people think that a person's "2nd marriage" cant and shouldn't be taken as a serious undertaking. That because people have been previously married they dont deserve presents or are thought of as "money-grabbing?!"

My auntie was widowed in her mid 30's. Her husband was gone. Just like that. She is now, ten years ++ down the track with a new partner. I would feel sick if i knew people were saying these things should she wish to get married again. Everyone deserves a 2nd chance and new beginnings.....

#22 JRA

Posted 15 January 2013 - 08:48 PM

It is not about whether it is serious. I can say that, both dh and I were married to our previous spouses for about 6 years, we have been married to each other for 17? years I think.

But by the time we were getting married a second time, we were well established, we didn't want presents, and most people getting married a 2nd time are similar. In the same way I would always say "no presents'" for a 40th or 50th etc.

#23 Propaganda

Posted 15 January 2013 - 08:56 PM

I think it's tacky to ask for gifts/cash regardless of whether a wedding if first or twenty-fifth, but I think that if you want to give a gift, there's no reason to give less just because it's not the first.

#24 Mis-Placed

Posted 15 January 2013 - 08:59 PM

Yes, i understand what your saying, and i agree that i would probably not even give presents a 2nd thought the second time around?! However, im bothered that some posters obviously have this attitude that people are "not entitled" to a big or generous present as someone getting married for the FIRST time....

#25 Overtherainbow

Posted 15 January 2013 - 09:01 PM

Is it the same for divorced vs widowed?  What of the 2nd marriage is due to an abusive situation?

I've only been to one 2nd wedding when our widowed friend remarried.  We were so excited for him and we gave a present to celebrate their new union.  

Like all weddings, we give based on relationship with couple and individual needs.




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