Jump to content

Wedding Wishing well
Ettiquette - is there such a thing?


  • Please log in to reply
63 replies to this topic

#1 OzeMum

Posted 15 January 2013 - 11:29 AM

So we've received the wedding invitation and in it is the dreaded tacky poem asking for cash.

I don't like doing the cash thing for presents and neither does DH.  Being asking for cash upfront makes me feel really uncomfortable.  So I thought ... hey it's just a suggestion not mandatory.  I'll buy a present - something that I know they will love.

Except I keep re-reading that damned poem and they've told me what they'd really love - and it's CASH.  So now I'm feeling uncomfortable about giving them a present instead of cash as of course I want to get them something that they'd like.   wacko.gif   Aghhh!

So is there any ettiquette?  Is it really OK to bring a present instead of cash or is it disrespectful and rude?  And if we do bring a present will they have somewhere for me to put it or will I have to secretly give it to the brides parents to give to them later - more embarrassment if the parents ask if I missed reading the poem!

TBH I have visions of rocking up to the reception with a big present, standing out like a sore thumb and having no-where to put the damn thing.  Meanwhile the other guests will be lining up with their cash to put in the wishing well thing and giving us the evil eye for going against the bride & grooms request.   sad.gif


#2 LilacSunset

Posted 15 January 2013 - 11:34 AM

It's their wedding... it's not really about you, and what you would like.  I'd just give them the cash if that's what they've asked for.

#3 8yeargap

Posted 15 January 2013 - 11:35 AM

I always assumed that if a wishing well was requested, that some guests would oblige and others would bring a gift.  However at my niece's wedding in November, with over 200 guests, only 2 families brought a gift, the others gave cash. And yes, they were huge boxes and they stood out!! In saying that though, I think it is still optional.  I know that *when* I get married (still waiting!!) it won't matter to me what option my guests choose.

#4 Fright bat

Posted 15 January 2013 - 11:35 AM

Two weeks into the new year...

Well, I'll go pop some popcorn and get comfy.

#5 Mrs Dinosaurus

Posted 15 January 2013 - 11:36 AM



I have been the only one giving a gift when everyone else gave cash, the B&G were as gracious as ever but they are.

I have given cash and made donations to a 'honeymoon' fund also when I couldn't be a*sed shoping or thinking laughing2.gif

Nowadays I'm very busy and not as happy shopping as I once was so I would grab the opportunity to give cash.

To be fair to the B&G, these days a lot of people WANT to give cash and ask about it even if it's not on the invitation - my friends got married not too long ago and about two weeks after the invitations came out came a group email about presents and money because they were sick to death of everyone asking them what they wanted or if they just wanted cash.

As an aside, this thread could get big fast OP, everyone loves a WW thread biggrin.gif


#6 silver-rain

Posted 15 January 2013 - 11:36 AM

I find it more disrespectful and rude to ask people for cash.  unsure.gif Gifts are not mandatory at weddings, if you choose to give them nothing, that's entirely up to you! If you prefer to give them a gift and they turn their nose up at it, then they didn't deserve it in the first place. You do what you feel comfortable with, the gift can go on the table with the wishing well or the parents of the bride can put it in their car if it's really going to be in the way, I wouldn't stress about that!


#7 NunSoFeral

Posted 15 January 2013 - 11:38 AM

I hear you

To take a different route - perhaps gift certificates for an experience - hot air balloon, drift racing, spa indulgence, honeymoon flash dinner (if you know locale)- that you can put into an envelope?

That way you get to buy a present, and not get 'the' look' from all and sundry.

Otherwise I would be asking "I got you a present prior to getting invite - can I drop it around before wedding.?

#8 YodaTheWrinkledOne

Posted 15 January 2013 - 11:38 AM

So is there any ettiquette?   Depends on the wedding I suppose.  All the weddings I have been to have a table for gifts where there is also a well/box for people to drop in their card & cash.  I have never seen anyone get annoyed that they were given a gift rather than cash, or vice versa.  Most (decent) people are grateful for anything they are given.

As you say, it's just a suggestion to give them cash, it's not a mandatory requirement.

Is it really OK to bring a present instead of cash or is it disrespectful and rude? Yes, it really is okay to give an old-fashioned we-chose-it-for-you gift.  But I also think it is useful to consider the couple involved.  If both of them are older and have been living out of home for a while, they have more home gear than a 17 year old couple that are about to move out of home for the first time.

And if we do bring a present will they have somewhere for me to put it or will I have to secretly give it to the brides parents to give to them later - more embarrassment if the parents ask if I missed reading the poem! More than likely, there will be a table at the reception for gifts.  You can just drop it there.

#9 dimensionk

Posted 15 January 2013 - 11:39 AM

It's totally fine to bring a present. And I suspect there will always be some that do.

For our wedding, (without poetry) we said presents weren't essential, but if you wanted to give a present and were after an idea, that we could really make use of contributions towards our honeymoon.

We mostly received cash, but we also received some presents and were happy. After all, they're presents! original.gif It was actually nice to get some, not just 100% cash (even though we were totally poor - weddings are expensive!).

#10 YandiGirl

Posted 15 January 2013 - 11:40 AM

QUOTE (LilacSunset @ 15/01/2013, 09:34 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
It's their wedding... it's not really about you, and what you would like.


Really?

Everything I've ever believed with repsect to gift giving is evidently incorrect!

#11 erindiv

Posted 15 January 2013 - 11:40 AM

Oh no, not another wishing well thread!

I'd give cash because that's their wish. Who cares? Give them as much as you'd spend on a gift. It's their wedding, not yours.

#12 PrincessPeach

Posted 15 January 2013 - 11:42 AM

We had a wishing well, but our poem was worded so that if you wanted to buy us a gift that was fine as well.

Most times places will have a place to put a gift & especially if you buy a gift you know the couple will love, it should be well received.

#13 dimensionk

Posted 15 January 2013 - 11:42 AM

Oh and if you're going to stress about it, just ask beforehand. wink.gif

#14 Puppy Love

Posted 15 January 2013 - 11:45 AM

We had a wishing well for our wedding & I would not have minded people giving gifts. We did get a couple of gifts which were placed just around the wishing well by the reception place.I loved the gifts; a beautiful vase, picture frames etc.Do what you would like, they have asked you to be part of their special day & they might appreciate a special gift original.gif


#15 AllyK81

Posted 15 January 2013 - 11:50 AM

We were silent on gifts on our invitation - after all, it's really up to our guests. We got a mixture of cash and presents and were grateful for everything.

Invitations that specify what couples would like do put me off side. It's just not necessary. If people need help, they will contact the couple's parents or the couple themselves. Most people are savvy enough to be able to choose a wedding gift, though, without their hand being held.

We got a frighteningly rude invitation last year. It had the couple's bank account number on it in lettering larger than the location of the reception (I specify reception because they got married O/S, so it wasn't even the actual 'wedding'). I was so mortified.

We gave  them a beautiful Vera Wang photo frame (as a beautiful photo frame is the FIRST thing you want after the wedding to display those gorgeous snaps). We put it next to their wishing well and it was fine. When we went to visit them, we saw the frame in pride of place with a beautiful photo in it. I feel much better about giving them that frame to display their lasting memories than I would have about making a direct deposit into their bank account.

However, I am aware this is a contentious subject and it is really each to their own OP. Whatever makes you feel comfortable.

#16 Holidayromp

Posted 15 January 2013 - 11:53 AM

You will not be the only ones.  DH and I were invited to a wedding where there was a wishing well.  We had already forked out about two grand, on accomodation, travel costs, outfits etc just to get to the wedding and then to provide money for a wishing well was just too much and the amount we could afford to give would have only been very minimal so we took that minimal amount of cash and I went online to my favourite shops where I can stretch that minimal amount of money into something worth a great deal and we took that along.  There were heaps of other wrapped presents beside the wishing well so you do what works well for you.

#17 AllyK81

Posted 15 January 2013 - 12:01 PM

That's another pet peeve of mine! People who have a destination wedding AND a wishing well/registry. Greedy - much?!

#18 SophieBear

Posted 15 January 2013 - 12:02 PM

I had a wishing well at my wedding, before I found out how universally hated they are or perhaps that's just EB?

We did the poem but it did say, if you're unsure what to get us then money. We received gifts and we loved them!

Personally, even if people don't ask for cash, I give cash at weddings. I think 100 towels would be OTT and then they can buy whatever they'd like.

#19 namie

Posted 15 January 2013 - 12:03 PM

QUOTE (gettheetoanunnery @ 15/01/2013, 12:38 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I hear you

To take a different route - perhaps gift certificates for an experience - hot air balloon, drift racing, spa indulgence, honeymoon flash dinner (if you know locale)- that you can put into an envelope?

That way you get to buy a present, and not get 'the' look' from all and sundry.

I love this idea.

#20 Mrs Dinosaurus

Posted 15 January 2013 - 12:10 PM

I think I will have a gift registry entirely at Tiffany's.

That way we either get pretty or cash, right?

In fact I might do that for my birthday too...

#21 Katie_bella

Posted 15 January 2013 - 12:22 PM

Just give them cash, it's what they want.

Unless you are extremely close to them, how do you know what they really want in regards to a present.

There are many, many things about other people's weddings that you may not agree with or want for your own (huge bridal party, frou frou dress, beach setting etc), you'd never make a comment about that would you? Why is the present any different? Why can't you just be grateful that you got an invite to be a part of their day, free booze and a meal?

Their wedding, their choice. It's really that simple.

#22 December baby

Posted 15 January 2013 - 12:29 PM

What I think is rude is when someone who knows you cannot make their wedding send an invite to that person and still include a gift registry card (sending the invitation is nice but don't include the gift registry card) - its like saying I know you can't make it to my wedding but I would still like a present from you!! Sooo rude to me!!


#23 Especially*K*

Posted 15 January 2013 - 12:33 PM

I have never taken offence to a 'wishing well' poem. It makes it soooo easy for me to not go searching for a present that I hope they love... and will use.

If you want to buy a present, then by one. I dont think i've ever heard a B&G complain that someone gave a present instead of money.


Im sure the money is well put towards celebrating their honeymoon anyway.

Its not such a big deal in my eyes

#24 baddmammajamma

Posted 15 January 2013 - 12:36 PM

QUOTE (AllyK81 @ 15/01/2013, 12:50 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
We were silent on gifts on our invitation - after all, it's really up to our guests. We got a mixture of cash and presents and were grateful for everything.

Invitations that specify what couples would like do put me off side. It's just not necessary. If people need help, they will contact the couple's parents or the couple themselves. Most people are savvy enough to be able to choose a wedding gift, though, without their hand being held.

We got a frighteningly rude invitation last year. It had the couple's bank account number on it in lettering larger than the location of the reception (I specify reception because they got married O/S, so it wasn't even the actual 'wedding'). I was so mortified.


+ 1

I'm going to come across as an old fart on this one, but I don't think it's appropriate to express what sorts of gifts you want in a wedding invitation (whether it be a hint for money in poetry format or sharing a registry link in the invitation itself). As AllyK mentions, there are ways for people to get help if they need guidance on what to give without putting it in print in the invitation.

But then again, wishing wells are no skin off my nose -- so at the end of the day, to each his/her own. (But just for the record...when I am on my 2nd marriage as a 70-year-old cougar married to a 25-year-old cabana boy, we will NOT be having a wishing well! wink.gif )

OP, if you feel strongly that wishing wells are in poor taste, then go with some sort of gift.





#25 ~polly~

Posted 15 January 2013 - 12:40 PM

QUOTE (gettheetoanunnery @ 15/01/2013, 12:38 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
To take a different route - perhaps gift certificates for an experience - hot air balloon, drift racing, spa indulgence, honeymoon flash dinner (if you know locale)- that you can put into an envelope?

That way you get to buy a present, and not get 'the' look' from all and sundry.

Otherwise I would be asking "I got you a present prior to getting invite - can I drop it around before wedding.?


I think this is a good option




0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Exclusive Black Friday Sale!

Get over 40% off selected products, including prams, baby carriers, cloth nappies, sleeping bags and much more! 24 hours only, on May 6 - register now for your special code.

Kelly Clarkson shares first photos of son

Kelly Clarkson has shown off the first photos of her son, Remington Alexander Blackstock.

5 childbirth myths that need to be busted

Birth is an unpredictable, mysterious process that intrigues us all, and there is a lot of misinformation out there.

Mum of three fatally shot by toddler while driving

A US mother has been shot by her toddler while driving on a highway in Wisconsin.

All you need is one minute to work out

The seven-minute-work out is old news. Research shows the effectiveness of going hell-for-leather for just one minute.

Pregnant women needed to join diabetes study

Pregnant woman in country Australia will help Adelaide researchers figure out why cases of type 1 diabetes have doubled over the past two decades.

Just announced: the Mountain Buggy Unirider

It's the perfect solution to combat those toddler meltdowns when they no longer want to be in a pram but can't walk long distances.

Authorities euthanise dog that fatally bit a newborn baby

A pit bull mix that fatally bit a 3-day-old infant last week has been euthanised, authorities said.

The push for Medicare to fund lactation consultants

While meeting with a lactation consultant can make an enormous difference to a new mother, it's not a service that is available through the public health system.

Why it's perfectly natural to dislike other people's children

Members of a popular forum are fiercely debating whether it is acceptable to dislike a friend's child.

Woman gives birth on plane, names baby after airline

A pregnant woman who unexpectedly gave birth on a flight has named her new baby after the airline, Jetstar.

Heartwarming photos show the joy of adoption after foster care

Children living in foster care can feel like their future is less than clear. But that uncertainty disappears the day they are adopted by their "forever family" 

'Oh my god, it's a baby!' Mum shocked to give birth

When the cramps started to kick in, Klara Dollan just assumed a painful period was starting.

Mum's Facebook plea: 'Help me find my daughter's father'

Kerryn has a unusual present planned for daughter Imi's 13th birthday celebrations - she hopes to be able to be able to give the soon-to-be the teenager her first ever photo of her dad.

Is it possible for your house to be too clean?

Our houses are cleaner than ever before. But how clean is too clean? Could a sterile home be putting your family's health at risk?

Millions of Monkeys: puzzles that grow with your toddler

Here's a puzzle that grows with them; the Puzzle Grow Pack by Millions of Monkeys.

Baby names from Britpop

If you grew up in the 90s you might want to look to the genre of Britpop music for baby name inspiration.

What to eat and drink when you have gastro

When you catch a bug that causes acute infectious gastroenteritis (gastro), your stomach and intestinal tract become inflamed, causing diarrhoea, nausea, vomiting, abdominal cramping and pain. The last thing you probably feel like doing is eating.

'To this day, I owe her my life'

Would I have survived if I hadn't crossed that street?

Why baby Sonny needs you to vaccinate your children

Caitlin is a firm believer in the importance of immunisation to protect children from harmful and deadly diseases.

Five-year-old's photo captures beauty of motherhood

There is no make-up or special outfits and hairdos, but the five-year-old boy who took this picture captured the essence of motherhood as well as any professional photographer.

Babies know whether you are naughty or nice

Studies have shown that infants in the first months of life try to avoid dealing with social wrongdoers - for example, sharing less with them and helping them less - and they expect others to, too.

 
Advertisement
 

Top 5 Articles

Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

The babies who are one in 70 million

Bethani Webb was excited to find out she was pregnant, but the first time mum did not realise she was carrying four babies not one.

Exclusive Black Friday Sale!

Get over 40% off selected products, including prams, baby carriers, cloth nappies, sleeping bags and much more! 24 hours only, on May 6 - register now for your special code.

Cafe offers breastfeeding mums a free cup of tea

A Sydney cafe is offering breastfeeding mums free cups of tea in a bid to show support for the right of women to nurse their babies wherever they choose.

To snip or not to snip? When the decision is not clear cut

Jamie Oliver, who considered a vasectomy, is to be a father again. A fellow dad reflects on his own decision 11 years ago

Doctors stunned by rare twins born almost six weeks apart

To everyone's surprise, Kristen Miller "kept doing better each day", keeping her second baby safe.

Baby book ideas for modern parents

Before my son was born I was given a lovely baby book full of blank pages waiting to be filled with weights and heights and first words.

The adorable smile of a baby seeing his mum clearly for the first time

There is no doubt seeing their child smile for the first time is an unforgettable moment for parents everywhere.

Mum tells how toddler 'nearly hung himself' in cot mishap

When Alison Johnson put her 18-month-old Caleb down for a nap, she had no reason to believe her son was in any danger.

Babies are still switched at birth? Yes, it can happen

All my panic and tears aside, my biggest question looking back is about the kind of security measures used in the maternity ward.

Doctors slammed for taking selfie with newborn

Everyone who visits a mum in hospital in the days following childbirth wants to get a photo with the new baby.

ergoPouch Twosie Sleepsuit for winter breastfeeding

Finally, there's a way to keep warm while breastfeeding through winter.

Health check: How long does sex 'normally' last?

What to do with this information? My advice would be to try not to think about it during the throes of passion.

When breastfeeding sucks: fixing common problems

From niplash to tight boobs, biting to milk supply issues, Pinky McKay looks at common breastfeeding issues and how to solve them.

10 things I've learnt in my first six months with twins

Six months on we're all still alive, and the more we get to know each other the easier the days become.

Mum's loving kiss leaves baby fighting for life

Kirsty Carrington thought nothing of giving her newborn son a kiss, little did she know it would leave the baby fighting for life.

When doing chores is your new 'me time'

After children, 'me time' looks a little different.

Get going: 14 travel strollers for families on the move

A stroller can make or break travelling with a baby or toddler. Here are 15 great single travel stroller options.

10 ways toddlers are terrific

It always pays to remind yourself of how terrific toddlers can be - they're little like this for such a short time

 

ENTER NOW

Do your kids love bananas?

This is the comp for you! We have $800 worth of Myer gift cards and boxes of Australian Bananas to be won. Entry is simple: just post a pic of your little one enjoying a banana in the comments of the FB post to enter.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.