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House guest stealing kids clothes


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#1 balletmom4

Posted 14 January 2013 - 08:47 PM

We went through my dd's clothes and decided to either pass them down to her younger sister (the decent stuff) or give them away to St. Vinnies. Anyway, my dd had a friend from school over for a sleepover and liked some of the clothes that we were going to give away. So, I grabbed a plastic bag to put clothes in for her. Anyway, I went upstairs and found a heap of wet clothes (cozzies and towels) on the floor in my dd's room. There were also some of the visiting child's clothes on the floor, so I folded them to put back into her overnight bag. When I opened the bag, the kid had stuffed it full with clothes out of my DDs' wardrobes and drawers.  The strangest thing was that there were size 4 clothes (the little girl is 11) that wouldn't even fit her. Anyway, I took the clothes out of the girls bag and back into my youngest dd's drawers- and yep, you guessed it, she 11yo house guest had repacked her bag with my 4yo's clothes, plus the clothes I originally said she could have.
The 11yo is in the custody of her grandparents and has no siblings. We went over to visit the grandparents when we picked her up yesterday, and the little girl seems to be very well cared for, and seems to want for nothing. I obviously need to address this with the little girls grandparents when they pick her up tomorrow, but WHY would the kid take my 4yo's clothes out of her drawers and nick them? I'm lost on this one.

#2 fifi-trixibelle

Posted 14 January 2013 - 08:52 PM

All I can think is that she didn't realise they are the 4 year old's clothes and not your older daughters or that she wants to dress her dolls or toys in them?

#3 FeralProudSwahili

Posted 14 January 2013 - 09:07 PM

Why don't you ask the little girl? She'll know better than a bunch of EB randoms. You can do it without being confrontational or accusatory.

#4 tibs

Posted 14 January 2013 - 09:19 PM

QUOTE (EHB @ 14/01/2013, 10:02 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
It may also reflect what life she had as a 4 yr old. She may not have had any lovely things.


My neighbours adopted a girl who had had a rough childhood (drug addicted mother etc).  They adopted her when she was 5.  At 10 she still from time to time goes to their fridge in the middle of the night and takes food like blocks of cheese etc and hides them in her bed sad.gif

#5 BeYOUtiful

Posted 14 January 2013 - 09:26 PM

Is it common practice to open a guests bag up, even if they are a child?

#6 balletmom4

Posted 14 January 2013 - 09:26 PM

QUOTE (Swahili @ 14/01/2013, 10:07 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Why don't you ask the little girl? She'll know better than a bunch of EB randoms. You can do it without being confrontational or accusatory.


I thought the kid may have been embarrassed, so didn't  want to press the kid on the issue. However, when she went back into my 4yos clothes and put them back in her bag, it seemed that there was something completely out of place going on. She chose a large stash of clothes, and was so happy with what we had given her. I'm certainly not angry about it at all, just more confused.

#7 balletmom4

Posted 14 January 2013 - 09:30 PM

QUOTE (~Jane05~ @ 14/01/2013, 10:26 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Is it common practice to open a guests bag up, even if they are a child?


No, I  was just putting her clothes back into her bag- they were scattered all over the floor (as were my kids clothes). I'd also sorted out her dry swimming stuff and put it into a plastic bag for her to take home with her.

#8 babychacha

Posted 14 January 2013 - 09:31 PM

It is a bit odd.

I would ask her, maybe your 4 year old gave them to her? Just a random thought.

#9 HurryUpAlready

Posted 14 January 2013 - 11:47 PM

QUOTE (~Jane05~ @ 14/01/2013, 07:26 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Is it common practice to open a guests bag up, even if they are a child?


Oh FFS...

#10 Dowager fancie

Posted 14 January 2013 - 11:53 PM



There is also the possibility that one of your DDs offered them to her.  You were giving her clothes, maybe they wanted to be generous too.



  



#11 galba

Posted 14 January 2013 - 11:58 PM


My 6 year old would do that. She'd want to give the guest some of her clothes too!  She hates to be left out.

I'd ask all the kids to find out what's going on.

#12 FeralBee

Posted 14 January 2013 - 11:59 PM

I agree with Tibs,  it's quite coming for children with negative experiences and a lack of stability early in life to steal "treasures". It gives them a sense of ownership and something that they feel can't be taken away from them.
It's something that should really be dealt with by a trained psychologist.

I would suggest having a gentle talk to her grandparents about getting a referral from their GP. Also, if you're ok with it, maybe think about letting her keep those clothes for now? Just a thought though, other people might know more than me.

#13 mumto4boys

Posted 15 January 2013 - 03:52 AM

I'd just ask her. Find a time when your own children are out of earshot and just ask.

Don't accuse her of anything but just tell her what happened, that you opened her bag to put the other clothes in and saw the clothes from your four year old. See what she says.

#14 PubertyBlues

Posted 15 January 2013 - 05:45 AM

QUOTE (SqueakyBee @ 15/01/2013, 12:59 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I agree with Tibs,  it's quite coming for children with negative experiences and a lack of stability early in life to steal "treasures". It gives them a sense of ownership and something that they feel can't be taken away from them.
It's something that should really be dealt with by a trained psychologist.

I would suggest having a gentle talk to her grandparents about getting a referral from their GP. Also, if you're ok with it, maybe think about letting her keep those clothes for now? Just a thought though, other people might know more than me.


Agreed. I've known of a few kids who have shown this and similar behaviours. I believe it's related to feeling a lack of control and security - probably not because of anything the grandparents have or haven't done, but related possibly to the reasons she doesn't live with her parents.

We had similar issues with ESS with the move from his Mother's house to ours many years ago - for a while he was a compulsive hoarder and storer - of everything - bits of paper, clothes, toys. He would find boxes and fill them with random items just in case.

I would mention it to the grandparents but only casually.



#15 balletmom4

Posted 15 January 2013 - 06:04 AM

Thanks for your replies. Very interesting about the lack of stability and the child taking 'treasures'. I know the little girl has been between custody of mum and grandparents throughout her life. She moved back in with the grandparents about 8 months ago, and the little girl spent a few days with her mother last week. Like I said, I was not upset at all, just more concerned for the little girl. I will talk to her grandmother when she picks her up today.




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