Jump to content

HELP....11year old son, ATTITUDE

  • Please log in to reply
11 replies to this topic

#1 beka1

Posted 14 January 2013 - 07:47 PM

My 11year old son is constantly talking back, making smart remarks to everything that is said, it is driving me mad!!! Nothing we do seems to work. We have taken things away, cancelled outings and things with friends and told him what he has missed out on which he gets very upset about but not enough to fix his behavior. He will say sorry but the next day he is right back doing it again.he also says mean and hurtful things in particular to me and I know he just wants a reaction but I don't know what to do when he doesn't seem to care. Any advice or ideas on how to handle this behavior would be great.

#2 saxa

Posted 14 January 2013 - 07:52 PM

This is me but DS is 9!

The thing that seems to really help is if he does it while DH is around and DH picks him up on it.

He does it for a reaction from me and a lot of the time I try it hard not to bite, but I am really working on this at the moment and just trying to ignore it.

#3 L&E

Posted 14 January 2013 - 07:59 PM

I'm in the same boat with my 11 year old. Drives me crazy! To be honest, and I'm sure it's not in the parenting handbook, but the only thing I've found that works is the "silent but not outwardly mad" treatment when he pushes me too far. I go kind of indifferent and it bugs him more than when I lose my $hit.

Doesn't solve it forever but seems to give me a bit of respite. Other than that, pouncing on the positives works for my boy, though I'll be honest sometimes finding things to praise is like searching for needles in a haystack of attitude and crap.

#4 NunSoFeral

Posted 14 January 2013 - 08:15 PM

A friend of mine was in a similar spot and took her 10yr old to a laser tag place.
She got to nail him, they both had a gas.
Following weekend, they went and watched a soccer game.
Then the next, a movie.
He started to look forward to her company and their outings, as did she.
The attitude stopped
She felt that when the attitude was happening, they were both caught up in some sort of crap role play.
He played the 10 yr old turd and she played the nagging mother who was always reacting.

Finding something that your lad is keen on, that you can share, might be worth a shot?

Edited by gettheetoanunnery, 14 January 2013 - 08:16 PM.

#5 Lazycow

Posted 14 January 2013 - 08:27 PM

I have the exact same problem with my DS12.

As PP says I find if I don't react to his attitude and pretty much ignore him, it drives him mad.

Another thing I find works with DS is to tell him how upset I am at his behaviour and until he can talk to me properly I don't want to see or speak to him and he goes to his bedroom. Normally after half an hour or so he will come and apologise and is Ok for the rest of the day.

I also find he is worse when I am tired and he picks up on it and will push and push until I react and then turns it back on me saying "you're always shouting at me" rolleyes.gif.So now I try not to react and just ignore the behaviour and he usually gets bored and gives up.

I also agree with PP about how different he is when my partner is around, he still pushes my buttons, but he will try to get DP on his side by playing the victim and DP will tell DS he backs me 100% and if he wants respect he needs to earn it.

What really p*sses me off with him is, he will not accept responsibility for anything, it is always someone else fault. Someone else made him do it, someone else wound him up someone else....and on it goes.

Feel a bit better now  biggrin.gif

I'll be watching this with interest, hopefully pick up some tips.

#6 saxa

Posted 14 January 2013 - 09:25 PM

What really p*sses me off with him is, he will not accept responsibility for anything, it is always someone else fault. Someone else made him do it, someone else wound him up someone else....and on it goes.

Haha this is my DS also!!

God I hope he is not still doing it at 12!

#7 MyButterflyGirls

Posted 15 January 2013 - 07:13 AM

QUOTE (gettheetoanunnery @ 14/01/2013, 09:15 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
A friend of mine was in a similar spot and took her 10yr old to a laser tag place.
She got to nail him, they both had a gas.
Following weekend, they went and watched a soccer game.
Then the next, a movie.
He started to look forward to her company and their outings, as did she.
The attitude stopped
She felt that when the attitude was happening, they were both caught up in some sort of crap role play.
He played the 10 yr old turd and she played the nagging mother who was always reacting.

Finding something that your lad is keen on, that you can share, might be worth a shot?

I think this is great advice!

Does your son feel he is getting enough positive attention? Sometimes negative attention is better than no attention at all.

Good luck - it's a tough age.

#8 beka1

Posted 15 January 2013 - 07:57 AM

Thanks for your comments, it is good to know that other people have the same problems. My son also won't accept any responsibility, it is always everyone else's fault. Maybe more one on one time might help but in general it seems when we do nice things for him he just expects more and more instead of just being grateful for what he got.

#9 jazzcait

Posted 27 February 2013 - 08:52 PM

My DS is nearly 10 and I get attitude, talked back and smart remarks back as well, it really stresses me out!

#10 ky*cal

Posted 12 May 2013 - 12:35 AM

My DS 9 is just like all these comments too. Attitude, disrespectful, no responsibility, lazy, thinks hes hard done by and just like beka1 said, when we do nice things for him he is so ungrateful and expects it all the time. Been reading past comments hoping someone had some handy tips I could put to good use, but seems no one knows how best to deal with pre teen behavior  sad.gif

#11 xx1stxx

Posted 13 May 2013 - 12:57 PM

My DSS started with the attitude at about 9, he is nearly 19 now the attitude has slowed a little....still refuses to take any sort of responsibility though.  Worse I found was between 13 - 16....hang in there, but unfortunately its going to get worse before it gets better.  This has been the same for all of my friends teenagers also.

#12 kim11

Posted 20 May 2013 - 02:45 PM

I was coming in here looking for something on this. My DS is 8 and sounds very similar to the rest of boys here. I am hoping it will change. He can be lovely at times but gets grumpy about lots of things. His big issues are getting dressed in the morning and being told to go get ready for school. He also doesn't like being reminded to lift the lid, flush the toilet and wash his hands- but he never does it. It's more that he gets grumpy about doing it and whines and says"I am sick of flushing the toilet"  or "I am sick of getting dress" I informed him these are things that need to be done, no negotiation.

I think I will try to spend some special time with him but stick to strict rules with consequences. He works well with consequences as long as he knows why they are done.

1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users


Win a Mountain Buggy Swift

To celebrate Essential Baby reaching half a million Facebook fans, we have a Mountain Buggy Swift to giveaway to a lucky fan.

Shopping with kids: breaking the pester-power cycle

You're out shopping with your little one and they're incessantly whining that they want a treat. It's easy to say no ... the first time, at least.

eBay jacket may hold clue to murdered girl's identity

A jacket similar to the one found with the remains of a brutally murdered little girl in South Australia has been identified on eBay.

New mum forced back to work early due to paid parental leave 'technicality'

Shelley Parker had to keep driving buses until the date her baby was due and will have to rush back to work at the end of this week after being denied paid parental leave on a "technicality".

Pregnant Amanda Palmer poses naked for book drive

It has to be the most original way ever of promoting a children's book donation day.

The conception dilemma facing many parents today

Some parents who conceived through a sperm donor will be wary of telling the child, while others prefer to deal with it early on. But recent research suggests it makes little difference either way.

The wedding photo the bridesmaid would rather forget

We've probably all seen a passed-out bridesmaid at one wedding or another, but it usually happens towards the end of the night.

Pregnant TV meteorologist takes on haters

Pregnant TV meteorologist Katie Fehlinger has hit back at haters who called her a "sausage in casing".

Honest words from first-time mums

I didn't want to say anything negative to my pregnant friend, but I wish I'd been more honest.

Adorable baby experiences rain for the first time, couldn't be happier

Harper had seen rain from the comfort of indoors before, but had never had the pleasure of being outside and experiencing it first hand.

What it's really like to start a family in your fifties

Many people suppose that it must be much more tiring to have a baby in middle age, but all the mothers in the playground look exhausted, whatever their age.

'Biggest hypocrite ever': Josh Duggar admits to Ashley Madison account

An American reality TV star has been busted with a cheating website account, according to US media.

Long recovery ahead for girl hit by car weeks after baby brother's death

A little girl is more alert and starting to talk after being hit by a car a week ago, but still faces a long recovery.

How to react when a toddler lies

Q: My almost-3-year-old is starting to figure out that he can lie when asked if he ripped the book, threw the food, hit his brother, etc. Totally normal, I know. How do we respond?

The circular experience of a Centrelink client

A mum-to-be experiences the frustration of dealing with Centrelink, myGov and everything in between.

Kelly Clarkson announces live on stage: 'I'm pregnant!'

Singer Kelly Clarkson has announced she is pregnant with her second child during a concert in Los Angeles.


How to search the leaked Ashley Madison data

At least three sites are republishing Ashley Madison's user data on the public-facing internet.

Mum dances her way through labour

There are a fair few ways to distract yourself and beat pains while in labour, but it's probably a rare woman who chooses her dance her way through it.

'Rest in peace, my little lion': premmie baby Jacob passes away

Baby Jacob, whose photo of him born at just 27 weeks was deemed 'too graphic' for a fundraising site, has died.

Mum killed three young sons 'to help her daughter', prosecutor says

Niall Pilkington's death last summer apparently raised little alarm in Bellefontaine, Ohio. Tragic accidents happen, after all.

Shorter women have shorter pregnancies: study

When a group of researchers studied nearly 3500 mothers and their babies, they noticed a curious pattern.

Get your FREE Baby & Toddler Show ticket!

Get your free ticket to the Sydney Essential Baby & Toddler Show for September 25-27 - register online now.


What's hot on EB

The worst 20 minutes of my life

Thirty seconds was all it took to turn a shopping trip into my worst nightmare.

Top baby names for England and Wales in 2014

George has overtaken William in the official rankings of most popular British baby names - and Game of Thrones is still having an impact on parents.

Baseball or baby? Dad's tough choice

What's more important, a baby or a baseball? That's a question this dad seems to struggle with.

Childbirth choices: five star or free?

It's not often you hear the words labour and luxury in the same sentence but for some, a 5-star start to parenthood is exactly what they seek. And with a number of private hospitals now offering packages which include a post-birth stay at a sumptuous first class resort, many mums are choosing to recover in style.

'Where did your boobies go, Mummy?' and other soul-destroying comments from kids

Most women carry a smidge of baby weight after giving birth. If you're lucky enough to have an older child in the house, they can keep you on track with your weight loss goals.

Do you read me, baby?

Is it too soon to be reading to my two-month-old son? If not, what should I read?

Minimising sibling rivalry when you've got a baby

Sibling rivalry is an act of competition, but if your children feel involved and special, this type of jealousy will be minimised.

Will studying on maternity leave take you away from your most important job?

I remember when I was trying to decide if I could combine motherhood and furthering my university education.

Win a Pacapod this Father's Day

To celebrate dads and families, we are giving away a Picos Pack from Pacapod Australia filled with a few extra goodies ENTER NOW

Preschooler hit by car shortly after baby brother's death

A mother has had a frantic race to the hospital after her daughter was hit by a car, just four weeks after her infant son died.

Gay couple and Thai surrogate in custody tug-of-war

A six-month-old baby girl is trapped in the Thai capital in a bitter custody wrangle between her Thai surrogate mother and her biological father.

Couple denied IVF over parenting concerns

A mother of six has been denied access to IVF treatment in order to have another child over concerns about her parenting skills.

The book that promises to put your children to sleep

Exhausted parents from around the world are singing the praises of a "miracle" book which promises to put even the most restless child to sleep in just minutes.

5 things every parent who feels guilty needs to know

Parenthood can make you feel bad, but you're not alone.

Royals criticise 'dangerous' attempts to photograph Prince George

The British royal family criticized paparazzi on Friday for what it called their increasingly dangerous attempts to photograph young Prince George.

'No jab, no play' rule to cover Victorian kindergartens and childcare centres

"Anti-vaxxers" face not being able to send their children to childcare centres or kindergarten if they refuse to have them immunised.

15,000 birthing kits on their way to developing countries

Giving birth in a hospital surrounded by medical experts is tough enough, but some women deliver babies without a clean sheet to lie on.

Photo of premmie 'too graphic', fundraising site says

When their son Jacob was born at just 27 weeks, Christina and Jeff Hinks were thrown into an uncertain world.

The latest Bugaboo collections: cool chevron and runner prams

Bugaboo sure likes to keep things fresh, and with the Australian spring/summer season coming up, there are two new Bugaboo pram releases.

Making room for two in the bed

Mum's room or their own room? Cot or bassinets? Deciding where twins will sleep can be tricky.



See Hi-5 LIVE in Sydney!

Get your free ticket to The Essential Baby & Toddler Show and save $20 - register online now!

Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.