Jump to content

My Sister stole the name I have had my heart set on for my first female child...


  • Please log in to reply
110 replies to this topic

#1 ashlie369

Posted 14 January 2013 - 04:31 PM

    Am I a horribly selfish person for being upset that my sister stole the name I have had my heart set on for over 6 years?
I have been planning on naming my first girl child Lillianna for over 6 years, I can't even begin to describe how much I love this name and this is the only name that I have found that I love all the nick names that come with the name, and its so perfect for my child because my favorite flowers have always been lilies.
When my sister first got married the one thing I asked/begged of her was that whatever she did to please not steal that name if she got pregnant before I did, then when we found out she was pregnant I said the same thing to both her and her husband. Though, of course in the end she decided that she’s going to name the child Lillian Raeann. When she first started talking about using the name Lillian we had one small disagreement in which I begged her again to not use the name, I never even raised my voice during the whole discussion but since then she has blown that whole thing out of the water and now says we were arguing etc.


    Then last night we went to the grocery store together with  our mother and I was being quiet, I wasn’t being p*ssy or anything I just  really didn’t really feel like talking, which is normal for me I am not a  talkative person, but of course her overly sensitive self decided I was being  b**chy, and when my mom asked her how she was going to spell her child’s middle  name, she spelled it for her then said, in the sh*ttiest tone you can imagine, something like “Is that why Ashlie’s  acting like that because she wanted Raeann for her child’s middle name as  well?” ( I’m not sure I got every word in the right spot but that’s pretty accurate)  I was actually very proud of myself I stopped myself from telling her that,  that is the stupidest name I have ever heard of and I despise it and I would  never be caught dead naming my child that.   Sorry to any Raeanns’ out there its not that bad of a name, but its not a name I would choose and the way she said it was very sh*tty and that was my  automatic response.

    Even though I was going to add an extra NA to her name she  still took the name I was planning on naming my first girl, and I am hurt  because I have continuously begged her over the years not to use that name and  the few times I have tried to talk to my mother about it she has freaked out on  me and basically told me I am being selfish and I can still name my first girl  Lillianna because they aren’t the same name, etc., etc. Of course I CANT name  my first girl Lillianna it is the same name just with an extra NA at the end,  and Lillian was what I wanted her main nick name to be. So how in the heck  could I give my child her cousins name?

I have already made myself deal with losing the name but I  would like to at least be able to vent at least once about how my  sister doing that hurt my feelings but every time I try to talk to my mom she  has made me feel like a horrible person for being upset about it, so my  question is am I really such a horrible person for being upset about this? And  why the heck does my mom insist that I can still use the name? What would you  do if you were in this situation? How many of you would still use the same  name?       
To answer some of your questions, My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant, my sister is almost 7 months along with a girl. She wanted to name her Kaitlynn Ann at first in honnor of our youngest sister who died while being born and our mother and me who both have the middle name ann(e), but her husband didnt like that name and talked her back into using Lillian. For the record I have not made a fuss about it I talked to her that once about it when she was 2 months along and havent said anything else to her on the subject, she was the one who said something about it last night out of the blue. I love her to much to hate her or hold a grudge I am just hurt especially with her saying sh*tty things to me.

Edited by ashlie369, 14 January 2013 - 06:50 PM.


#2 Starrydawn

Posted 14 January 2013 - 04:39 PM

Tough one in that no one owns a name. Are you pregnant or Ttc? Or us it still just a futuristic thing? Have you outright asked your sister why she chose that name? What has her answer been previously when you asked to just not use it?

Myself personally think there are millions of names out there and I would find another.

#3 Kickingitcountry

Posted 14 January 2013 - 04:40 PM

I would still use the name but I'm like that happy.gif your sister sounds like the type of person who will chuck a fit when you do I'm sure she won't like it when the shoe is on the other foot rolleyes.gif . Don't stress your future partner might not like said name anyway so you might not be able to use it

Edited by Kickingitcountry, 14 January 2013 - 04:42 PM.


#4 KACM

Posted 14 January 2013 - 04:40 PM

I don't see why you can't use the name. They would be cousins, not sisters. It may even become a lovely connection between them.

#5 crackles

Posted 14 January 2013 - 04:42 PM

It happens. If I were u I wouldn't have said anything in the first place about the name then they probably wouldn't have ever thought of it. And if they happened to fluke on it it's not their fault.

U can still use u're name for ur girl if u have one otherwise just name her something else. Nothing else u can do really

#6 PrincessPeach

Posted 14 January 2013 - 04:43 PM

My BIL has the exact same name as one of his cousins, so I'd still use it.

#7 protart roflcoptor

Posted 14 January 2013 - 04:45 PM

So she stole it from you, which must mean you owned it. How much did it cost you, you could ask her to pay it back?

Oh...wait.....

#8 tel2

Posted 14 January 2013 - 04:45 PM

i know how you feel. My DH cousin who lives half way across the world (who I never met) named his little girl the name I was planning for my second child. My second child turned out to be a boy so i got over it pretty quickly, but before finding out I was having a boy, I was upset about the name thing. I've never met this cousin so I know he didn't do it on purpose, it was just coincidence.

Name you first born whatever name you like. On my stepdad's big side of the family I had about 4 cousins named Joe...(joe was my stepdad's fathers name). We all had nicknames for them....big joe, little joe etc...to tell them apart.

Another thing you can do is use the name Lillianna as a middle name instead of a first name.

#9 Guest_Sunnycat_*

Posted 14 January 2013 - 04:46 PM

Has she had the child? Have they found out that it's a girl?

Let her use it, you can still use Liliiana.

Although no one owns a name, I still think it can be poor form to name a child a name that someone close to you, desperately wants to use. Of course it depends on the circumstances though.

I think your feelings are valid but you need to somehow find peace and move on.

#10 la di dah

Posted 14 January 2013 - 04:46 PM

You can use the name if you want. It all depends what you are comfortable with. I'm cool with matching initials or similar sounds, with cousins.

I think everyone's allowed one vent.

I think your mom is probably just trying to say it's a bit late. You can't un-name a born baby, even if your sister IS rude and annoying. You can only decide how you feel about Lillianna going forward.

I think you could probably irritate your sister more by just losing interest in it, really. ("I did like it...for awhile... it was very on trend...") But you can't control how you feel.

#11 Guest_Sunnycat_*

Posted 14 January 2013 - 04:51 PM

Also my brother and cousin have the same name. In fact most of the people on my Italian side have the same three names used over and over again.

#12 Country (deci)Mel

Posted 14 January 2013 - 04:51 PM

Hang on... so your sister hasn't actually had the baby yet?

So you two are fighting about her hypothetically stealing the name you hypothetically were going to use for your hypothetical future child?

Chill sweetheart - it's all ok..

Your sister may not even use it.

And if she does? It doesn't stop you from using it as well?

Small deal. No problem. Relax.



And in future (this applies to everyone) DON'T TELL PEOPLE NAMES YOU WANT TO USE!

#13 libbylu

Posted 14 January 2013 - 04:53 PM

It is tough, but I would never mention a name I planned to use to anyone who might have a baby before me, as the very fact that it is so desirable to you has probably made it more desirable to your sister.  If you had never mentioned it, you may well not be in this situation.

Also, as the soon to be mother of son number two, like me, you may never have a daughter, so I think it is really hard to have dibs on a name when your child is only hypothetical.

Also, if down the track you do become pregnant with a daughter and you still like the name, then use it anyway.  One of my close friends has a sister and two cousins called Maria - it's a cultural thing in part, but it's not an issue for any of them!

It doesn't sound like your sister is being very mature or understanding though - of course you are disappointed after going to the effort of asking her not to use it and she disregarding you- but then, sadly, many people in life are not very mature or understanding.
I would just try to forget about the whole thing and get on with life.

#14 2littledarlings

Posted 14 January 2013 - 04:54 PM

I would be devastated if my sister did that. I would still use the name, they will have different circles of friends etc.

Use the name you love when your time comes!

#15 epl0822

Posted 14 January 2013 - 04:54 PM

I don't think anybody owns a name. A lot of families have named sons after their father and so on so it is no big deal for for cousins to have similar or even the same name. There might be other ways (through surnames, nicknames, etc) to distinguish between the two girls.

#16 SisterMaryElephant

Posted 14 January 2013 - 04:56 PM

Firstly, she may have a boy, choose another name at the last minute, etc  She also just could be teasing you or playing a joke on you with no intention of using the names.

If your sister uses the name, simple answer: pick another name.

Edited by CleverChook, 14 January 2013 - 04:57 PM.


#17 jill1972

Posted 14 January 2013 - 04:59 PM

I think most eb'ers with tell you to get over & that your sister can do whatever she wants.  But I would be upset.  She's your sister, that's a different relationship to friendship.  I wouldn't do that to my sister no matter how much I loved the name.  You obviously had your heart set on it & she would've known, that's mean.


_________________

#18 Soontobegran

Posted 14 January 2013 - 05:01 PM

I think there are too many 'what ifs' happening here to stress about it just yet.
She may change her mind, she may have boys....that being said it wouldn't stop me from using the name, it is different to the one she has chosen.

#19 Feral_Pooks

Posted 14 January 2013 - 05:01 PM

Tell her to go for it, it won't change your choice at all.

#20 Heather11

Posted 14 January 2013 - 05:05 PM

Do you currently have a DP/DH OP?

Your DP may not like the name.  It may not fit with the surname, you may find another name you like better, or you may never have a girl.

I have a brother and cousin with the same name.  No issues growing up.

I personally wouldn't of told her what name I was hoping to use.  She probably wouldn't have even thought of it if you hadn't of mentioned it.

#21 YandiGirl

Posted 14 January 2013 - 05:07 PM

I had always wanted to call my daughter Sara. My ex's aunt was pregnant at the same time as I was and laid claim to the name, apparently she had always wanted to use the name also. She ended up having two boys and no girls. And I ended up with Caitlin which although I like the name and it suits her, I would have preferred to sue Sara.

You never know what the future will bring. Use whatever name you are happy with, as should your sister.

#22 JECJEC

Posted 14 January 2013 - 05:08 PM

Obviously if she has used the name is it also her very very bested most loved name in the world too or otherwise she wouldn't have used it. I would be pretty annoyed if anyone - my sister included - put dibs on a name that I liked/loved and then carried on to both myself and my husband that they had ownership of it.

(And for the record my sisters son has one of my favourite and my husbands very favourite boys names).



#23 Kay1

Posted 14 January 2013 - 05:09 PM

Don't lose a sister over this. You might have all boys like I did!

I'd just let it go and if the situation does arise use it anyway.

#24 FeralPerthFembo

Posted 14 January 2013 - 05:10 PM

I'm going to go against the grain and think what your sister is doing is really quite mean. You obviously desperately want to use that name, have wanted to for a long time and she has known the whole time. The first time you told her how much it meant to you, she should have crossed it off her mental list.

I do think you need to let it go and move on though. No good will come from holding a grudge and being bitter about it. Sh*t happens unfortunately.

On the question of would I still use it? Depends on how close the cousins would be.

Eg me and DH's immediate familes hang out at least once a week, so no I would not use a name already used by our brothers or sisters. My brother had the same name as our cousin and they were referred to as"Big Ben" and "Little Ben" for a long time which I wouldn't like.

If you only see your sister once in a while mostly on special occasions then I would think of using the same name since you are so in love with it.

Edited by JBaby, 14 January 2013 - 05:16 PM.


#25 fifi-trixibelle

Posted 14 January 2013 - 05:15 PM

How do you know she hasn't always planned to name her child Lillian? Just because she hasn't told people don't steal my name etc doesn't mean she could never have names in mind in her head.

If they have a girl before you do and name her Lillian just choose another name and get over it.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Heartwarming prank gives single mum the house she was hired to clean

Cara Simmons arrived at work to clean a large and beautiful house in time for a party planned for that evening. It was soon hers.

Why we should stop telling new parents to 'enjoy every moment'

A few weeks ago, some dear friends of mine had their first baby. As the proud dad texted me a picture I had to fight the natural instinct to say “Enjoy every moment!”

Transgender dad breastfeeds his babies

A transgender man who breastfed his first baby - despite having his breasts removed as part of his transformation from female to male - has now had a second child.

Couple face $1 million medical bill and bankruptcy after babymoon birth

A Canadian couple were slammed with a million dollar medical bill after their daughter was prematurely during their babymoon.

Win one of 5 Little Tikes Cozy Coupe Sport

Australia?s No 1 selling car is now available in a Sports model and we have 5 to give away to some lucky Essential Baby families.

Cigarettes, junk food dominate supermarket sales growth

One in every five dollars spent at supermarkets goes on cigarettes or junk food, according to industry data.

Teacher under fire for breastfeeding in class

There is no doubt mums have a right to continue breastfeeding after they have returned to work, but one teacher in the US has taken it to the extreme.

Video: Baby sniffs beardless dad to make sure it's him

She looks him up and down and then touches his chin, but baby Lindsey still isn't sure this clean-shaven man is her dad.

The tragedy of losing a favourite teddy bear

We were green and uninitiated, perhaps a little naïve when it came to the favourite toy responsibility.

It's possible to workout while pregnant

Medical experts say intense fitness routines can be done safely during pregnancy - if the mums-to-be follow some guidelines.

Baby for Asher Keddie and Vincent Fantauzzo

Fans followed every step of her on-screen pregnancy in Offspring, now Asher Keddie is going to be a mum in real life too.

What parents really want for their kids

Are our hopes, dreams and expectations for our children what they really need?

'I had a feeling something was seriously wrong': the fight for Kaden's diagnosis

Before even giving birth, Katie Myers' maternal instincts warned her something was wrong with her baby.

When your pregnancy causes a relationship rift

Some dads-to-be don't miss a beat when their partner is pregnant; others struggle with a range of issues and can become withdrawn, right when their support is needed most.

Couple uses group photo trick to announce pregnancy to loved ones

Katharine and Kris Camilli devised a clever trick to immortalise their family and friends' reaction to their exciting pregnancy news.

Why Tracey Spicer has given up make-up

"After 30 years on television, I had become what I despised: a painted doll who spent an hour a day and close to $200 a week putting on a mask."

Empowering bikini photo of 46-year-old mum goes viral

When a group of teenagers made rude remarks about her body as she walked past them in a bikini at the local beach, Julie Cross refused to cover up.

Devastated widow discovers she's pregnant the day before husband's funeral

They had been trying to conceive a baby for seven years. Tragically Kristy Kirchner found out she was pregnant the day before her husband Royce's funeral.

Win a family pass to Disney Live!

We have 4 family passes to give away to see Disney Live! presents Three Classic Fairy Tales, touring Australia this December/January.

Gabriella Goat sues Peppa Pig

Every toddler's favourite television pig is being sued by an Italian woman who shares a name with a Peppa Pig character.

Meet the Mpregs, the male pregnancy enthusiasts

"Men can't have babies - that's something only women can do! But our community is full of like-minded people who wish otherwise."

Your new motherhood survival kit

Forget about the bright, pretty baby things - while you're in survival mode, all you'll need are the essentials.

More than 100,000 cars recalled globally after death of pregnant woman

The announcement of a mass recall comes as Malaysian police investigate the death of pregnant woman in July.

I had a 'good baby' but still suffered from postnatal depression

I had a much wanted precious baby girl, a 'good baby' who slept well, self settled and was mostly content. It just seemed implausible to think I could succumb to depression.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Win one of 5 Little Tikes Cozy Coupe Sport

Australia?s No 1 selling car is now available in a Sports model and we have 5 to give away to some lucky Essential Baby families.

Join PADDINGTON on the red carpet!

To celebrate the release of PADDINGTON, we are giving five lucky winners the chance to win a family pass to the exclusive Australian Premiere in Sydney on December 7!

Knowing you are one of the lucky ones

I am secure, confident and strong, but the responsibility of protecting my children can almost bring me undone.

Why I am so emotional now I have kids?

There are so many ways in which parenthood changes us as women, but one of the most noticeable, for me, has been the changing state of my emotions.

Baby survives despite sharing womb with 'foreign body'

Baby Maia was conceived against the odds, only to find she was sharing a womb with an ominous "foreign body".

Video: Baby shows dog how to jump - or vice versa

They say dog is man's best friend, but this playful pooch seems to have chosen a jumping baby as her number one buddy.

10 ways to soothe a crying baby

New paernts can get frustrated when their newborn gets fussy and can't settle down. When you're feeling overwhelmed, try some of these simple tips to help soothe your baby.

20 baby names that are becoming more popular every year

The data-lovers at nameberry.com have been at it again – this time, they’ve discovered the names that are continually rising up the ranks, ready to take out some top spots in the next few years.

10 great meals to make for new parents

Ideally, you want to give food that isn’t expensive to make, isn't too difficult to create, and freezes well; stews, bakes, soups and pasta sauces are perfect.

'It's not you, it's me': Boston bombing survivor mum to have leg amputated

Rebekah DiMartino is going through a break-up. She even wrote a farewell love letter. But it's not to her husband.

What it's like to go through early menopause

In a cruel twist, Carla had been breastfeeding and perimenopausal at the same time. But she's far from the only one to go through menopause early.

Restaurant served alcohol to two-year-old

Busy restaurants can be forgiven for getting food and drink orders mixed up from time to time, but not when the confusion leads to a two-year-old being served an alcoholic cocktail instead of the child-friendly beverage they ordered.

Julia Morris tells of miscarriage on a flight

Julia Morris has spoken about the devastation of suffering a miscarriage while on an international flight.

Woman's survival after birth 'a story of two miracles'

A US mother is home and tending to her new baby less than a month after surviving without a pulse for 45 minutes.

Eating ice may give mental boost to the iron deficient: study

A new study proposes that, like a strong cup of coffee, ice may give those with insufficient iron a much-needed mental boost.

Tiny lives in caring hands: Thank U NICU Day

Each year in Australia, over 40,000 newborns need the help of a special care nursery or neonatal intensive care unit. One day a year, the staff are honoured by the parents they help through those dark days.

I paid $50,000 to have a girl

This time my husband and I hadn't taken any chances. We had paid $50,000 and travelled 13,000 kilometres to make sure the baby growing inside me was female.

Weird pregnancy products

Some pregnancy products come to market and are just awesome. Others just leave you scratching your head.

Dear firstborn, I'm sorry

Being a first-time mum is tough for so many reasons – particularly because you really have no idea what you're doing.

A trace of sesame could kill my son

Helen Richardson son's had two anaphylactic reactions in a month. It's traumatic for everyone.

When you know before the test says yes

It wasn't a pregnancy test or missed period that told me I was pregnant with my second baby; it was too early for those things. A doner kebab told me I was going to be a mum again.

What not to do when your partner is in labour

Robbie Williams stole the show during his wife Ayda's labour, pretty much demonstrating everything on the "what not to do when your partner is in labour" list.

Best maternity swimwear and beach cover-ups

Thinking about a tropical babymoon but have nothing to wear? Here are some great swimwear and beach cover-up options for mums-to-be.

'Chopstick Baby' born at 23 weeks

Given the nickname of 'Chopstick Baby' by local media, a baby born weighing 660g has survived a week outside the womb.

 

How many weeks til Christmas?

On your To-Do list

Get the "Santa" shopping done without the kids in tow.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.