Jump to content

My Sister stole the name I have had my heart set on for my first female child...


  • Please log in to reply
110 replies to this topic

#1 ashlie369

Posted 14 January 2013 - 04:31 PM

    Am I a horribly selfish person for being upset that my sister stole the name I have had my heart set on for over 6 years?
I have been planning on naming my first girl child Lillianna for over 6 years, I can't even begin to describe how much I love this name and this is the only name that I have found that I love all the nick names that come with the name, and its so perfect for my child because my favorite flowers have always been lilies.
When my sister first got married the one thing I asked/begged of her was that whatever she did to please not steal that name if she got pregnant before I did, then when we found out she was pregnant I said the same thing to both her and her husband. Though, of course in the end she decided that she’s going to name the child Lillian Raeann. When she first started talking about using the name Lillian we had one small disagreement in which I begged her again to not use the name, I never even raised my voice during the whole discussion but since then she has blown that whole thing out of the water and now says we were arguing etc.


    Then last night we went to the grocery store together with  our mother and I was being quiet, I wasn’t being p*ssy or anything I just  really didn’t really feel like talking, which is normal for me I am not a  talkative person, but of course her overly sensitive self decided I was being  b**chy, and when my mom asked her how she was going to spell her child’s middle  name, she spelled it for her then said, in the sh*ttiest tone you can imagine, something like “Is that why Ashlie’s  acting like that because she wanted Raeann for her child’s middle name as  well?” ( I’m not sure I got every word in the right spot but that’s pretty accurate)  I was actually very proud of myself I stopped myself from telling her that,  that is the stupidest name I have ever heard of and I despise it and I would  never be caught dead naming my child that.   Sorry to any Raeanns’ out there its not that bad of a name, but its not a name I would choose and the way she said it was very sh*tty and that was my  automatic response.

    Even though I was going to add an extra NA to her name she  still took the name I was planning on naming my first girl, and I am hurt  because I have continuously begged her over the years not to use that name and  the few times I have tried to talk to my mother about it she has freaked out on  me and basically told me I am being selfish and I can still name my first girl  Lillianna because they aren’t the same name, etc., etc. Of course I CANT name  my first girl Lillianna it is the same name just with an extra NA at the end,  and Lillian was what I wanted her main nick name to be. So how in the heck  could I give my child her cousins name?

I have already made myself deal with losing the name but I  would like to at least be able to vent at least once about how my  sister doing that hurt my feelings but every time I try to talk to my mom she  has made me feel like a horrible person for being upset about it, so my  question is am I really such a horrible person for being upset about this? And  why the heck does my mom insist that I can still use the name? What would you  do if you were in this situation? How many of you would still use the same  name?       
To answer some of your questions, My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant, my sister is almost 7 months along with a girl. She wanted to name her Kaitlynn Ann at first in honnor of our youngest sister who died while being born and our mother and me who both have the middle name ann(e), but her husband didnt like that name and talked her back into using Lillian. For the record I have not made a fuss about it I talked to her that once about it when she was 2 months along and havent said anything else to her on the subject, she was the one who said something about it last night out of the blue. I love her to much to hate her or hold a grudge I am just hurt especially with her saying sh*tty things to me.

Edited by ashlie369, 14 January 2013 - 06:50 PM.


#2 Starrydawn

Posted 14 January 2013 - 04:39 PM

Tough one in that no one owns a name. Are you pregnant or Ttc? Or us it still just a futuristic thing? Have you outright asked your sister why she chose that name? What has her answer been previously when you asked to just not use it?

Myself personally think there are millions of names out there and I would find another.

#3 Kickingitcountry

Posted 14 January 2013 - 04:40 PM

I would still use the name but I'm like that happy.gif your sister sounds like the type of person who will chuck a fit when you do I'm sure she won't like it when the shoe is on the other foot rolleyes.gif . Don't stress your future partner might not like said name anyway so you might not be able to use it

Edited by Kickingitcountry, 14 January 2013 - 04:42 PM.


#4 KACM

Posted 14 January 2013 - 04:40 PM

I don't see why you can't use the name. They would be cousins, not sisters. It may even become a lovely connection between them.

#5 crackles

Posted 14 January 2013 - 04:42 PM

It happens. If I were u I wouldn't have said anything in the first place about the name then they probably wouldn't have ever thought of it. And if they happened to fluke on it it's not their fault.

U can still use u're name for ur girl if u have one otherwise just name her something else. Nothing else u can do really

#6 PrincessPeach

Posted 14 January 2013 - 04:43 PM

My BIL has the exact same name as one of his cousins, so I'd still use it.

#7 protart roflcoptor

Posted 14 January 2013 - 04:45 PM

So she stole it from you, which must mean you owned it. How much did it cost you, you could ask her to pay it back?

Oh...wait.....

#8 tel2

Posted 14 January 2013 - 04:45 PM

i know how you feel. My DH cousin who lives half way across the world (who I never met) named his little girl the name I was planning for my second child. My second child turned out to be a boy so i got over it pretty quickly, but before finding out I was having a boy, I was upset about the name thing. I've never met this cousin so I know he didn't do it on purpose, it was just coincidence.

Name you first born whatever name you like. On my stepdad's big side of the family I had about 4 cousins named Joe...(joe was my stepdad's fathers name). We all had nicknames for them....big joe, little joe etc...to tell them apart.

Another thing you can do is use the name Lillianna as a middle name instead of a first name.

#9 Guest_Sunnycat_*

Posted 14 January 2013 - 04:46 PM

Has she had the child? Have they found out that it's a girl?

Let her use it, you can still use Liliiana.

Although no one owns a name, I still think it can be poor form to name a child a name that someone close to you, desperately wants to use. Of course it depends on the circumstances though.

I think your feelings are valid but you need to somehow find peace and move on.

#10 la di dah

Posted 14 January 2013 - 04:46 PM

You can use the name if you want. It all depends what you are comfortable with. I'm cool with matching initials or similar sounds, with cousins.

I think everyone's allowed one vent.

I think your mom is probably just trying to say it's a bit late. You can't un-name a born baby, even if your sister IS rude and annoying. You can only decide how you feel about Lillianna going forward.

I think you could probably irritate your sister more by just losing interest in it, really. ("I did like it...for awhile... it was very on trend...") But you can't control how you feel.

#11 Guest_Sunnycat_*

Posted 14 January 2013 - 04:51 PM

Also my brother and cousin have the same name. In fact most of the people on my Italian side have the same three names used over and over again.

#12 HRH Countrymel

Posted 14 January 2013 - 04:51 PM

Hang on... so your sister hasn't actually had the baby yet?

So you two are fighting about her hypothetically stealing the name you hypothetically were going to use for your hypothetical future child?

Chill sweetheart - it's all ok..

Your sister may not even use it.

And if she does? It doesn't stop you from using it as well?

Small deal. No problem. Relax.



And in future (this applies to everyone) DON'T TELL PEOPLE NAMES YOU WANT TO USE!

#13 libbylu

Posted 14 January 2013 - 04:53 PM

It is tough, but I would never mention a name I planned to use to anyone who might have a baby before me, as the very fact that it is so desirable to you has probably made it more desirable to your sister.  If you had never mentioned it, you may well not be in this situation.

Also, as the soon to be mother of son number two, like me, you may never have a daughter, so I think it is really hard to have dibs on a name when your child is only hypothetical.

Also, if down the track you do become pregnant with a daughter and you still like the name, then use it anyway.  One of my close friends has a sister and two cousins called Maria - it's a cultural thing in part, but it's not an issue for any of them!

It doesn't sound like your sister is being very mature or understanding though - of course you are disappointed after going to the effort of asking her not to use it and she disregarding you- but then, sadly, many people in life are not very mature or understanding.
I would just try to forget about the whole thing and get on with life.

#14 2littledarlings

Posted 14 January 2013 - 04:54 PM

I would be devastated if my sister did that. I would still use the name, they will have different circles of friends etc.

Use the name you love when your time comes!

#15 epl0822

Posted 14 January 2013 - 04:54 PM

I don't think anybody owns a name. A lot of families have named sons after their father and so on so it is no big deal for for cousins to have similar or even the same name. There might be other ways (through surnames, nicknames, etc) to distinguish between the two girls.

#16 SisterMaryElephant

Posted 14 January 2013 - 04:56 PM

Firstly, she may have a boy, choose another name at the last minute, etc  She also just could be teasing you or playing a joke on you with no intention of using the names.

If your sister uses the name, simple answer: pick another name.

Edited by CleverChook, 14 January 2013 - 04:57 PM.


#17 jill1972

Posted 14 January 2013 - 04:59 PM

I think most eb'ers with tell you to get over & that your sister can do whatever she wants.  But I would be upset.  She's your sister, that's a different relationship to friendship.  I wouldn't do that to my sister no matter how much I loved the name.  You obviously had your heart set on it & she would've known, that's mean.


_________________

#18 Soontobegran

Posted 14 January 2013 - 05:01 PM

I think there are too many 'what ifs' happening here to stress about it just yet.
She may change her mind, she may have boys....that being said it wouldn't stop me from using the name, it is different to the one she has chosen.

#19 Feral_Pooks

Posted 14 January 2013 - 05:01 PM

Tell her to go for it, it won't change your choice at all.

#20 Heather11

Posted 14 January 2013 - 05:05 PM

Do you currently have a DP/DH OP?

Your DP may not like the name.  It may not fit with the surname, you may find another name you like better, or you may never have a girl.

I have a brother and cousin with the same name.  No issues growing up.

I personally wouldn't of told her what name I was hoping to use.  She probably wouldn't have even thought of it if you hadn't of mentioned it.

#21 YandiGirl

Posted 14 January 2013 - 05:07 PM

I had always wanted to call my daughter Sara. My ex's aunt was pregnant at the same time as I was and laid claim to the name, apparently she had always wanted to use the name also. She ended up having two boys and no girls. And I ended up with Caitlin which although I like the name and it suits her, I would have preferred to sue Sara.

You never know what the future will bring. Use whatever name you are happy with, as should your sister.

#22 CEJCEJ

Posted 14 January 2013 - 05:08 PM

Obviously if she has used the name is it also her very very bested most loved name in the world too or otherwise she wouldn't have used it. I would be pretty annoyed if anyone - my sister included - put dibs on a name that I liked/loved and then carried on to both myself and my husband that they had ownership of it.

(And for the record my sisters son has one of my favourite and my husbands very favourite boys names).



#23 Kay1

Posted 14 January 2013 - 05:09 PM

Don't lose a sister over this. You might have all boys like I did!

I'd just let it go and if the situation does arise use it anyway.

#24 FeralPerthFembo

Posted 14 January 2013 - 05:10 PM

I'm going to go against the grain and think what your sister is doing is really quite mean. You obviously desperately want to use that name, have wanted to for a long time and she has known the whole time. The first time you told her how much it meant to you, she should have crossed it off her mental list.

I do think you need to let it go and move on though. No good will come from holding a grudge and being bitter about it. Sh*t happens unfortunately.

On the question of would I still use it? Depends on how close the cousins would be.

Eg me and DH's immediate familes hang out at least once a week, so no I would not use a name already used by our brothers or sisters. My brother had the same name as our cousin and they were referred to as"Big Ben" and "Little Ben" for a long time which I wouldn't like.

If you only see your sister once in a while mostly on special occasions then I would think of using the same name since you are so in love with it.

Edited by JBaby, 14 January 2013 - 05:16 PM.


#25 fifi-trixibelle

Posted 14 January 2013 - 05:15 PM

How do you know she hasn't always planned to name her child Lillian? Just because she hasn't told people don't steal my name etc doesn't mean she could never have names in mind in her head.

If they have a girl before you do and name her Lillian just choose another name and get over it.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Show us your DUPLO creations to win!

We love to see the cool creations kids build when they play with LEGO DUPLO. Enter and share a picture of your childs creation for a chance to WIN 1 of 10 LEGO DUPLO prize packs worth over $100 each.

Jammy, Hula Hoop, Rage: Reddit reveals most unusual baby names

A recent Reddit thread has revealed some of the more creative names in the world.

Woman awakens from coma, learns she gave birth

A US woman awakened this week from a four-month-long coma that doctors had feared would be permanent and learned that she had given birth to a baby boy, according to her family.

'Give us a break': mum sent shocking letter over Facebook baby pics

Posting a lot of baby photos doesn't make you a bad person. It may make your Facebook feed a little irritating, but it doesn't make you a bad person.

In defense of the dads who do so much

It's time to shift the focus off what dads aren’t doing and shine it on what they are.

The modern cloth nappies too cute to cover up

If you're only just joining the modern cloth nappy movement, or would like to spruce up your collection, we have to introduce you to Designer Bums.

How breastfeeding can affect your libido

When you’ve just had a baby, having sex isn’t usually top priority. In fact, for a lot of women it rates about as appealing as changing another dirty nappy.

Should pregnant women be allowed to use 'parent and child' car parking spots?

Is it acceptable to use these car parking spots when pregnant? How many of us would admit to doing it?

Healthy baby from sperm taken 48 hours after a man died

Fertility doctors have described their "most extraordinary case" - creating a healthy baby from sperm taken 48 hours after a man had died.

Anti-vaccination mum's seven children contract whooping cough

A Canadian woman who had declined to have her children immunised against pertussis, better known as whooping cough, has changed her position now that all seven of her children have come down with the disease.

How pregnancy probiotics can help you and your baby

New research suggests that taking specific pregnancy probiotics could be the answer to a range of common pregnancy side effects.

Childcare is a big problem, but there's more to it

Let’s keep talking about these issues and not allow them to be put into a neat little box that’s labelled ‘Fix childcare and everything is solved’.

Pink's awesome response to body-shaming trolls

When trolls felt the need to comment on 35-year-old singer-songwriter Pink's weight, her answer was an awesome ode to body love.

Fertility clinic offers egg donors $5000

A national chain of fertility clinics is offering egg donors a $5000 payment to cover their expenses, a first for Australia which is raising concerns the money could act as an inducement.

Baby boy abandoned in India amid fresh surrogacy concerns

Australian officials could do nothing to stop an Australian couple from abandoning their baby son, born through surrogacy in India, after they decided they did not want to bring him to Australia.

Herd immunity and community responsibility: how free-riders can make kids suffer

Individual choice works for haircuts and handbags, but not for preventing infectious diseases that kill kids.

Photographer captures 'unexpected beauty' of birth

If there is one thing Leilani Rogers knows about childbirth, it is that no two deliveries are ever the same.

Expectations vs the reality of making a toddler's clothes

Note to self: less sewing, more life. Not the party dress, but the party. The toddler, as usual, has it all figured out.

Mum meets 'dead' daughter 49 years after birth

In 1965, Zella Jackson-Price was told her premature baby girl had died shortly after birth.

Sign up to our 30 days of #PlayIQ challenge

Sign up to receive 30 amazing tips and ideas for play with baby during the month of April and submit a picture or tip on our social wall for a chance to win an amazing Fisher-Price prize pack.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Sign up to our 30 days of #PlayIQ challenge

Sign up to receive 30 amazing tips and ideas for play with baby during the month of April and submit a picture or tip on our social wall for a chance to win an amazing Fisher-Price prize pack.

Tips for flying with a baby

Travelling with kids requires a whole other set of skills - ones that I have learned through (sometimes unfortunate) trial and error.

How to stay calm in an emergency

I’m not expecting you to be as calm as you might be right now. What I mean is that if your panic levels are through the roof during a stressful situation, let’s bring them down to just under the ceiling.

Toddler gets 'drunk' after cranberry juice mix-up

A toddler was taken to hospital after a waitress served her sangria instead of cranberry juice at a US restaurant.

Show us your toddlers LEGO DUPLO creations

We love to see the cool creations kids build when they play with LEGO DUPLO. Enter and share a picture of your childs creation for a chance to WIN 1 of 10 LEGO DUPLO prize packs worth over $100 each.

We need to stop using this word when we talk about childbirth

Is it shaming to point out that women are often being let down in birth?

The certificate helping parents deal with pregnancy loss

For some people, this certificate will offer a sense of validation that their child was acknowledged as being here and now gone, and will help them with life post-loss.

The phenomenon of phantom pregnancy kicks

'Phantom pregnancy kicks’ are encountered by many mums months - or even years - after their pregnancy is over.

The health insurance advice you can't afford to ignore

There's one simple switch that could save you hundreds of dollars a year in private health insurance.

4D scans show how smoking affects babies still in the womb

The harmful effects of smoking during pregnancy on unborn babies may be seen in tiny movements in their faces using 4D ultrasound scans, research has found.

The most dangerous toddler food trends

Pete Evans' paleo cookbook for kids caused a storm, but there are plenty of other unsafe food trends for babies and toddlers.

Infection killed new mum of twins

Modern medicine could not save 19-year-old Sophie Burgess who died 48 hours after giving birth to twins in the UK.

How to babyproof your job interview

Once upon a time, I was a fan of job interviews. That all changed after I'd switched careers, had a baby and decided to spend the first year at home with her.

Grieving families give warnings after toddler deaths

Two Queensland families are grieving the loss of their toddler sons after the boys drowned in separate incidents last week.

Man faces jail after giving woman abortion pill smoothie

A Norwegian man is facing jail after putting abortion pills in his ex-girlfriend's smoothie, causing her to have a miscarriage.

'He's a blessing': family of baby born without eyes

Jordy Jackson was born without eyes. He has anophthalmia, which affects one in every 100,000 babies born.

Super fit model Sarah Stage defends her pregnancy body

Model Sarah Stage has defended her pregnancy body after critics claimed her slim figure at eight-and-a-half months pregnant wasn't "normal".

Why I post breastfeeding photos online

I love to take pictures of my children. In some of the pictures, my younger son is nursing.

The day I broke my baby

There are things I wish I didn't know. I wish I didn't know that companies make tiny braces, small enough to hold necks no bigger than a wrist.

Geeky baby gear

If your family is more into Star Wars, gaming and the periodic table than most, you might want to check out these geek-chic baby items.

Grandbabies: the babies born looking old

Not a day under 65 and a lifetime of struggle! That's the look of these newborns, who look adorably older than their real age. Social networking site Reddit recently featured user submissions of adorable grandbabies, here are our favourites.

53 creative pregnancy announcements

Announcing that you're expecting can be a time to express your creativity, sense of humour and imagination. Check out how other parents and parents-to-be have broken the news to friends and family.

IKEA hacks for the nursery and kids' rooms

Are you one of those that know the whole IKEA catalogue by heart? Love their stuff but want to personalise it? Here's some inspiration to help you realise the potential of IKEA furniture and fittings.

36 baby names inspired by food and drinks

A French court may have ruled out Nutella as a baby name, but that doesn't have to stop you from taking inspiration from the supermarket (or bottle shop). See what parents in the US have chosen for their delicious little ones.

Clever breastfeeding products

Check out this range of products designed to help make your breastfeeding journey more enjoyable, manageable and convenient.

 

SIGN UP NOW!

Win a year's worth of toys

Receive a daily email from Essential Baby for just the month of April with great play tips and ideas, then submit your baby at play photos to our Playwall, Instagram or Twitter for your chance to win.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.