Jump to content

Is it okay to cry?


  • Please log in to reply
18 replies to this topic

#1 Just the two of us

Posted 13 January 2013 - 11:34 PM

I'm sitting here at the moment, trying not to burst into tears but I know it won't be long until they start pouring down. My dreaded AF has just arrived and I feel like absolute hell.

I have been TTC for 19 months now with no luck at all.  I know I should be thankful that I have 1 healthy DS when there are people out there who can't even have 1 child but at the moment I just feel like really hopeless and quite frankly I feel like giving up.

AF is so painful every month that I basically spend 3 days curled up on the floor of the toilet, with poor DS watching the portable DVD player which I feel absolutly terrible about. My doctor said there's not much I can do about the pain because I can't got on BC if I want to get pregnant.

I had a lovely day planned for tomorrow for DS and I but now that AF has arrived, all that has gone out of the window. It seems like everyone around me is getting pregnant and I don't know how to handle it.

I don't have anyone to talk to about this, so if you have read the above Thank You! I feel a little better for writing it down.


#2 CallMeFeral

Posted 13 January 2013 - 11:47 PM

sad.gif

Good luck, hope things improve for you soon  bbighug.gif

#3 Guest_Sunnycat_*

Posted 13 January 2013 - 11:52 PM

I'm sorry sad.gif have you sort any advice from a doctor?

I think your feelings are perfectly valid and normal. I hope it happens soon for you.

#4 starsg

Posted 13 January 2013 - 11:58 PM


Came in from recent topics but just wanted to say sorry you're feeling like this sad.gif

Have you been tested for/explored the possibility of endometriosis? I know that can cause very painful periods, not sure if it may have some effect on fertility as well? It could be worth investigating further, I wouldn't be accepting that amount of pain each month as normal sad.gif

Hope you can find some answers, and of course it's perfectly ok to cry if you need to original.gif

#5 ~shannon~

Posted 14 January 2013 - 12:03 AM

Yes it is okay to cry! I'm so sorry you are going though this. Secondary infertility sucks! I experienced it for two years and found no person in real life who understood my pain. I got all the usual comments about how I should be grateful for the child I had, and that I had no right to be upset when many women can't conceive at all..... Of course we are grateful, and cannot imagine the grief felt by those wanting a child... But that doesn't mean you can't grieve as well.
And It really is a cruel turn of fate when everyone around you is having their second or third baby while you are still struggling.

OP, I am sending you the warmest of hugs at this time, as well as a bundle of hope that it will happen for you soon. Don't lose that hope... just when I thought it was all over for us, and I had come to accept that we would only have one child, after two years of trying we fell pregnant again. And now look at me... Getting ready to give birth to my third baby. I hope this is the future that awaits you too!  bbighug.gif

#6 Fillyjonk

Posted 14 January 2013 - 12:45 AM

Is it okay to cry? By geez, I hope so!!

I second the idea of getting some investigations done as to what is causing the pain.

#7 Leafprincess

Posted 14 January 2013 - 04:15 AM


bbighug.gif you have every right to cry.

My friend had awful AF after going down the hormone injection path towards having a baby.
Anyway, she found taking a magnesium and omega 3 supplement eased her symptoms each month.

If you are uncomfortable taking supplements, maybe increasing foods rich in magnesium & omega 3 might help?

All the best.

#8 Stronger

Posted 14 January 2013 - 09:42 AM

QUOTE (starsg @ 13/01/2013, 09:58 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Came in from recent topics but just wanted to say sorry you're feeling like this sad.gif

Have you been tested for/explored the possibility of endometriosis? I know that can cause very painful periods, not sure if it may have some effect on fertility as well? It could be worth investigating further, I wouldn't be accepting that amount of pain each month as normal sad.gif

Hope you can find some answers, and of course it's perfectly ok to cry if you need to original.gif


This is exactly what I was thinking. Have yourself referred to a fertility specialist and see if they will do a laparoscopy to check for endometriosis. You shouldn't be in THAT much pain from AF. Plus if you do have it, it can affect you getting pregnant - I know because I have just been through it all!

I have been TTC#2 for 4.5yrs so I totally understand the emotions you are going through!

There is also a secondary infertility thread within this section - please come over there and have a chat with people who understand. You would be most welcome.

It is more than ok to have a good cry...this is such a hard journey. Do you have some strong pain killers you can take so you can still enjoy your day with DS? What does your DP/DH say about it?

Hope you feel better soon xxx

Edited by bokbok, 14 January 2013 - 09:45 AM.


#9 Just the two of us

Posted 14 January 2013 - 10:46 PM

Thank you to everyone who replied, it was great to wake up this morning and read all the lovely things that you wrote  original.gif I was up all night in pain but luckily the painkillers kicked in enough so I could take DS to the park for a picnic lunch.

I saw a doctor in November who said that everything looks fine and she can't see any reason why I can't get pregnant. She has referred me to see someone else but I am still waiting for an appointment.

She took some samples and it came back that I had BV so I was put on medicine for this. Does anyone know if that can cause infertility? I didn't get the results for over a month, so I assumed that it can't be that bad and she didn't really say anything when she rang me on the phone to tell me.

Sorry I haven't replied to everyone personally, I am typing this on my Ipad while my DS sleeps on my knee, I like to cuddle him extra during this time.

Edited by Just the two of us, 14 January 2013 - 10:48 PM.


#10 libbylu

Posted 14 January 2013 - 10:55 PM

hugs to you.
I also struggled with secondary infertility for almost 3 years in the end and it is heartbreaking.  I shed many tears when AF arrived. In the end we turned to IVF.
Does Neurofen not help with your period pain?  
Good luck for next month.

#11 A.K.A

Posted 18 January 2013 - 06:02 PM

Of course it is ok to cry, hope you're feeling better now OP.

original.gif

#12 Jax12

Posted 18 January 2013 - 06:13 PM

Another who came in from recent topics and wanted to wish you the best OP  bbighug.gif  Absolutely, a good cry is definitely okay!  

I'm sorry that you're struggle to conceive #2 and that AF is so painful.  Hopefully you get some answers soon and in the meantime you're enjoying lots of cuddles with your DS.  Wishing you your BFP next month.

#13 baileysmummy73

Posted 21 January 2013 - 09:48 AM

Thank you for writing this I'm going through a similar thing..I'm 39 and have a 3.5 yr old son who at times well most days can be so demanding, and have gone to many drs who say no reason we can't concieve our 2nd bub..but a few months back decided I need a cut off age for ttc otherwise It will consume life which it has done the past 3 yrs and for a 3 yrs before..my husband is supportive but rather not talk bout things I need to talk bout..he thinks a hobbie or going back to work will fix it..my body and my emotional state is getting to tired to keep trying..if you ever need to chat Hun pm I'm always here..I'm sorry you have painful periods I haven't had them for a very long time..hope you get your long awaited Bfp very very soon xx

#14 silver-rain

Posted 01 February 2013 - 02:23 PM

It is perfectly acceptable to cry, OP, hope you're feeling better sad.gif I have a very similar story to shannon in that we were trying for baby #2 for 2 years, with a miscarriage and a chemical pregnancy thrown in for good measure. I was seeing a fertility specialist (who did lots of tests and found nothing wrong) and a naturopath who specialises in fertility (who found DH and I were low in some vitamins and gave up supplements to sort that out). I cried every month when AF arrived. And I also understand, everyone around me was either pregnant or had a newborn. It was a very lonely time.

Then one month, ironically the only month out of the past 25 that I didn't acutally convince myself I was pregnant, it happened. A lovely sticky BFP. Am now coming up to my 3rd trimester with baby #2 and suddenly those 2 years are nothing but a bad memory. It has meant we've put the kibosh on trying for our originally planned 3rd child, but at this stage I'm happy with 2.

Fingers crossed it happens for you really soon, I can recommend seeing a naturopath with a speicalty in fertility (I can recommend someone if you're in Adelaide). Take care of yourself and allow yourself to be sad when you feel sad. TTC is sometimes I rough road, look after yourself.

#15 HRH Countrymel

Posted 01 February 2013 - 02:32 PM

Of course you can cry!

I had a little cry just this morning in fact!  My AF is now 4 days late and although I had vowed to never buy another HPT I did yesterday (assuming that it would make AF appear as is their usual way) and tested this morning.

Of course it was BFN, they are always BFN... but I had a cry anyway.  Because it makes me sad.

And the stupid thing STILL hasn't turned up - meaning that it will probably arrive in force just in time for my appointment with my FS on Tuesday, meaning I will pay an astronomical amount of money to not have him stare up my jaxie!

#16 cinnabubble

Posted 01 February 2013 - 02:45 PM

**** pregnancy mentioned****

I had 18 months of secondary infertility and it was one of the most soul-destroying periods of my life. My second daughter was born when I was 40, but I truly despaired of getting her.

I'm sure you've investigated this, but in my case we found that my partner's fertilty had dropped dramatically over the two years since conceiving our older daugher and starting to TTC number 2.

Good luck. It really is soul-destroying.

#17 epl0822

Posted 01 February 2013 - 02:54 PM

QUOTE (Just the two of us @ 14/01/2013, 12:34 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
AF is so painful every month that I basically spend 3 days curled up on the floor of the toilet, with poor DS watching the portable DVD player which I feel absolutly terrible about. My doctor said there's not much I can do about the pain because I can't got on BC if I want to get pregnant.

I am really shocked at your doctor's response. No woman should have to go through painful periods. Please make an appointment with another doctor and see if you can get some prescribed painkillers. Obviously you are not pregnant during your periods so it should be safe to take them. I used to curl up in a toilet cubicle at work trying not to pass out from the pain until I saw a wonderful doctor who gave me the right kind of painkillers which, well, killed the pain. It was amazing being able to go about my daily life afterwards. I hope you can get some help with this.

#18 Mizadele

Posted 01 February 2013 - 02:54 PM

OP, you can have a cry all you want.
I fully understand and hope you are feeling a bit better now that you have had a good let-go.
We were TTC from the time my DD was 12 months old.
AF was terrible for me too. Not painful, but heavy enough to stop me from leaving the house for days at a time.
We were told that having another baby was not going to happen without medical help, so we gave up. We made other plans and got on with our lives, making the most of our only child.
I have heard all the platitudes, and that made it worse. My best friend fell pregnant after only a month of trying, twice!
I lied to everyone, including myself about how I didn't want another baby.
This year, DD turns 11 and we are expecting a baby.
It's been a ridiculous journey, and I truly hope it doesn't take as long for you.
In the mean time, get yourself a great support network and a Dr who will work with you, not one who just treats you as another number.
Best of luck OP.

#19 Bwok~Bwok

Posted 01 February 2013 - 03:16 PM

Of course it is honey, anyone who has a dream and tries to make that dream a reality, will suffer heartache when things aren't going to plan.

I only said this the other day (on EB), As far back as I can remember, I have always wanted 3 children. But I know that if I get a chance to have #1, it's still going to hurt like hell not being able to complete the family I had envisioned!

Don't allow anyone make you feel like you aren't thankful for the child you have already!


Take care and cry as much as you need to.


1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Abbott's childcare changes will 'reduce access and add complexity'

The government's childcare assistance package threatens to confuse and intimidate many parents, experts say.

Be careful what you wish for

Remember that chubby little baby who rocked on all fours? Remember how you wished he would start to crawl? Then remember how you felt once he did?

William Tyrrell's parents plead for information as anniversary looms

As the one-year anniversary of William Tyrrell's disappearance draws near, the missing four-year-old's parents have again pleaded with the public for information that could help bring their son home.

Family sleepovers: a tribute to my 1970s childhood

My memories of those nights in my childhood are all about fun: sleepover excitement, staying up late, watching movies we probably weren't supposed to watch ... freedom.

43 minutes of terror: family's agonising wait for ambulance for toddler

It was terrifying. As the minutes ticked by little Cooper Harrison's parents felt more and more frantic.

What not to say to a new mum

Some phrases just pop out before you really think about them, but there are some things you should try to not say to a new mum.

Mummydesking: the new hotdesking

It is a paradise that only working parents of small children can understand: a place to sit for three hours without any interruptions while someone looks after the kids.

Charlize Theron adopts baby girl

A few months after splitting from Sean Penn, the actress Charlize Theron has adopted a baby girl.

Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg shares painful truth behind wife's pregnancy

Facebook chief executive Mark Zuckerberg has shared a brutally honest truth about pregnancy in the hope it will help others through dark periods.  

Sugary drinks blamed for removal of toddlers' rotten teeth

Children as young as 18 months are having multiple rotten teeth pulled out as parents feed toddlers soft drinks through sipper bottles, and chocolate biscuits and Milo as bedtime treats.

Mum accidentally fake tans baby

Many of us have fallen foul of a bad fake tan or two, but this little guy's started a bit earlier than most.

Does this three-month-old say 'I love you'?

YouTube user Ted Moskalenko was filmed by his wife, Michelle, as his baby son, Ben, engaged in some baby chat.

Kids break out of daycare centre, cross busy highway

Two children broke out of an early childhood centre and wandered across a four-lane road.

Why I'm glad to be an indulgent granny

The phone calls started a couple of weeks ago. At about 5.30 each evening - if I am lucky - I will be greeted by a sweet, excited voice declaring: "'Allo Annie".

Newborn found in toilet at German airport

A newborn baby found abandoned and extremely ill in a bathroom in the Munich airport is doing well.

Is this the worst relationship advice ever published?

You sometimes have to wonder whether relationship/sex advice from magazines is designed to help or humiliate.

How you talk to your baby now can impact social skills later

People used to think that social skills were something kids were born with, not taught.

Three truths about C-section mums

Lately I've been thinking about the caesarean stories and the brave women who birth their children with strength and beauty.

Scientists predict when you should start a family

Scientists have calculated at exactly what age you need to start trying to get pregnant to have the best chance of realising your dream. 

Differently abled child

When 'protecting' a child is really a cover for judgement

Why are people so concerned for this happy child and his mother?

Get your FREE Baby & Toddler Show ticket!

Get your free ticket to the Sydney Essential Baby & Toddler Show for September 25-27 - register online now.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

When toddlers have strange obsessions

When it comes to two-year-olds and birthday cakes there are a few requests that are usually at the top of the list. But a cake featuring a local personal injury lawyer?

When Mama Bear strikes

When we become mums, our instinct to protect our children and keep them safe from harm is so strong we're often likened to a Mama Bear protecting her cubs.  

Immunity boosters for kids

There are no guaranteed ways to avoid the dreaded winter illnesses completely, but there are ways we can boost our children's immunity.

Yes, you can get pregnant before your period returns post-baby

After giving birth, the last thing you want to think about is contraception. But you can get pregnant before your period comes back.

Mum shares portrait of her proudly breastfeeding three-year-old

Jade Beall usually chooses to breastfeed her son, now 3, in private. This week, however, she shared portraits of her breastfeeding her preschooler.

Dealing with a toddler's morning tantrums

Your schedule is not important to your two-year-old, and you cannot convince her otherwise. So what can you do?

My baby's first seizure

It was 1am on a cold winter's night when I woke suddenly to the screams of my 12-month-old son. Our lives were about to change forever.

MP breastfeeds baby during parliamentary session

An Argentinian mum and politician has caused a stir on social media after being filmed breastfeeding her baby.

Heartbreaking moment mum kisses her one-week-old goodbye

At 11.07am on April 2 this year, Sarah Marriott welcomed baby Sebastian into the world.

The best age to get married (according to the latest study)

Not too young, and not too old. That's reportedly the best age to get married. Not everyone agrees.

Fellow diner rewards mum after toddler's tantrum

Parents of toddlers everywhere know the feeling. After working up the courage to take your child out for lunch or dinner in public you are rewarded with a mid-meal meltdown. 

IVF gender selection being considered for Australian parents

Couples using IVF may be able to choose the gender of their babies and women could be financially compensated for donating their eggs.

The amazing Tee Pee bed and kid-friendly Frankie Bunk bed

These kids' beds definitely fit the brief of providing personality and personal space for little people who are moving up in the world.

The funny things kids say when you're pregnant

Since becoming noticeably pregnant, my son has taken more of an interest in the sibling he'll soon have.

The real problem with having one child

In this age of political correctness, it seems the one subject still subject to discrimination is that of the Only Child.

The fire hazard in more than 70,000 Australian homes

So far, 206 Samsung washing machines have caught fire and some have exploded. But many remain in people's homes.

How having a baby can bring on OCD

We all know that having a baby can turn your life upside down - and it can also bring a raft of new anxieties and worries.

IKEA begins massive safety campaign after two toddler deaths

Two children were killed when pieces from their Malm furniture line tipped over.

Which beauty treatments are safe in pregnancy?

Is it safe to use fake tan, hair dye and nail varnish during pregnancy?

A dad's guide to hyperemesis

I am in no way qualified to advise women on how to cope with hyperemesis, but I've learnt some lessons that might be worth sharing with other partners.

The five ways I know my 'baby' is no longer a baby

The truth is, I can no longer deny that my walking, babbling, somewhat-independent little miss is no longer a bona fide 'baby'.

 

FREE TICKET

See Pinky McKay live in Sydney

Get your free ticket to The Essential Baby & Toddler Show and save $20 - register online now!

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.