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Is it okay to cry?

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#1 Just the two of us

Posted 13 January 2013 - 11:34 PM

I'm sitting here at the moment, trying not to burst into tears but I know it won't be long until they start pouring down. My dreaded AF has just arrived and I feel like absolute hell.

I have been TTC for 19 months now with no luck at all.  I know I should be thankful that I have 1 healthy DS when there are people out there who can't even have 1 child but at the moment I just feel like really hopeless and quite frankly I feel like giving up.

AF is so painful every month that I basically spend 3 days curled up on the floor of the toilet, with poor DS watching the portable DVD player which I feel absolutly terrible about. My doctor said there's not much I can do about the pain because I can't got on BC if I want to get pregnant.

I had a lovely day planned for tomorrow for DS and I but now that AF has arrived, all that has gone out of the window. It seems like everyone around me is getting pregnant and I don't know how to handle it.

I don't have anyone to talk to about this, so if you have read the above Thank You! I feel a little better for writing it down.

#2 CallMeFeral

Posted 13 January 2013 - 11:47 PM


Good luck, hope things improve for you soon  bbighug.gif

#3 Guest_Sunnycat_*

Posted 13 January 2013 - 11:52 PM

I'm sorry sad.gif have you sort any advice from a doctor?

I think your feelings are perfectly valid and normal. I hope it happens soon for you.

#4 starsg

Posted 13 January 2013 - 11:58 PM

Came in from recent topics but just wanted to say sorry you're feeling like this sad.gif

Have you been tested for/explored the possibility of endometriosis? I know that can cause very painful periods, not sure if it may have some effect on fertility as well? It could be worth investigating further, I wouldn't be accepting that amount of pain each month as normal sad.gif

Hope you can find some answers, and of course it's perfectly ok to cry if you need to original.gif

#5 ~shannon~

Posted 14 January 2013 - 12:03 AM

Yes it is okay to cry! I'm so sorry you are going though this. Secondary infertility sucks! I experienced it for two years and found no person in real life who understood my pain. I got all the usual comments about how I should be grateful for the child I had, and that I had no right to be upset when many women can't conceive at all..... Of course we are grateful, and cannot imagine the grief felt by those wanting a child... But that doesn't mean you can't grieve as well.
And It really is a cruel turn of fate when everyone around you is having their second or third baby while you are still struggling.

OP, I am sending you the warmest of hugs at this time, as well as a bundle of hope that it will happen for you soon. Don't lose that hope... just when I thought it was all over for us, and I had come to accept that we would only have one child, after two years of trying we fell pregnant again. And now look at me... Getting ready to give birth to my third baby. I hope this is the future that awaits you too!  bbighug.gif

#6 Fillyjonk

Posted 14 January 2013 - 12:45 AM

Is it okay to cry? By geez, I hope so!!

I second the idea of getting some investigations done as to what is causing the pain.

#7 Leafprincess

Posted 14 January 2013 - 04:15 AM

bbighug.gif you have every right to cry.

My friend had awful AF after going down the hormone injection path towards having a baby.
Anyway, she found taking a magnesium and omega 3 supplement eased her symptoms each month.

If you are uncomfortable taking supplements, maybe increasing foods rich in magnesium & omega 3 might help?

All the best.

#8 Stronger

Posted 14 January 2013 - 09:42 AM

QUOTE (starsg @ 13/01/2013, 09:58 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Came in from recent topics but just wanted to say sorry you're feeling like this sad.gif

Have you been tested for/explored the possibility of endometriosis? I know that can cause very painful periods, not sure if it may have some effect on fertility as well? It could be worth investigating further, I wouldn't be accepting that amount of pain each month as normal sad.gif

Hope you can find some answers, and of course it's perfectly ok to cry if you need to original.gif

This is exactly what I was thinking. Have yourself referred to a fertility specialist and see if they will do a laparoscopy to check for endometriosis. You shouldn't be in THAT much pain from AF. Plus if you do have it, it can affect you getting pregnant - I know because I have just been through it all!

I have been TTC#2 for 4.5yrs so I totally understand the emotions you are going through!

There is also a secondary infertility thread within this section - please come over there and have a chat with people who understand. You would be most welcome.

It is more than ok to have a good cry...this is such a hard journey. Do you have some strong pain killers you can take so you can still enjoy your day with DS? What does your DP/DH say about it?

Hope you feel better soon xxx

Edited by bokbok, 14 January 2013 - 09:45 AM.

#9 Just the two of us

Posted 14 January 2013 - 10:46 PM

Thank you to everyone who replied, it was great to wake up this morning and read all the lovely things that you wrote  original.gif I was up all night in pain but luckily the painkillers kicked in enough so I could take DS to the park for a picnic lunch.

I saw a doctor in November who said that everything looks fine and she can't see any reason why I can't get pregnant. She has referred me to see someone else but I am still waiting for an appointment.

She took some samples and it came back that I had BV so I was put on medicine for this. Does anyone know if that can cause infertility? I didn't get the results for over a month, so I assumed that it can't be that bad and she didn't really say anything when she rang me on the phone to tell me.

Sorry I haven't replied to everyone personally, I am typing this on my Ipad while my DS sleeps on my knee, I like to cuddle him extra during this time.

Edited by Just the two of us, 14 January 2013 - 10:48 PM.

#10 libbylu

Posted 14 January 2013 - 10:55 PM

hugs to you.
I also struggled with secondary infertility for almost 3 years in the end and it is heartbreaking.  I shed many tears when AF arrived. In the end we turned to IVF.
Does Neurofen not help with your period pain?  
Good luck for next month.

#11 A.K.A

Posted 18 January 2013 - 06:02 PM

Of course it is ok to cry, hope you're feeling better now OP.


#12 Jax12

Posted 18 January 2013 - 06:13 PM

Another who came in from recent topics and wanted to wish you the best OP  bbighug.gif  Absolutely, a good cry is definitely okay!  

I'm sorry that you're struggle to conceive #2 and that AF is so painful.  Hopefully you get some answers soon and in the meantime you're enjoying lots of cuddles with your DS.  Wishing you your BFP next month.

#13 baileysmummy73

Posted 21 January 2013 - 09:48 AM

Thank you for writing this I'm going through a similar thing..I'm 39 and have a 3.5 yr old son who at times well most days can be so demanding, and have gone to many drs who say no reason we can't concieve our 2nd bub..but a few months back decided I need a cut off age for ttc otherwise It will consume life which it has done the past 3 yrs and for a 3 yrs before..my husband is supportive but rather not talk bout things I need to talk bout..he thinks a hobbie or going back to work will fix it..my body and my emotional state is getting to tired to keep trying..if you ever need to chat Hun pm I'm always here..I'm sorry you have painful periods I haven't had them for a very long time..hope you get your long awaited Bfp very very soon xx

#14 silver-rain

Posted 01 February 2013 - 02:23 PM

It is perfectly acceptable to cry, OP, hope you're feeling better sad.gif I have a very similar story to shannon in that we were trying for baby #2 for 2 years, with a miscarriage and a chemical pregnancy thrown in for good measure. I was seeing a fertility specialist (who did lots of tests and found nothing wrong) and a naturopath who specialises in fertility (who found DH and I were low in some vitamins and gave up supplements to sort that out). I cried every month when AF arrived. And I also understand, everyone around me was either pregnant or had a newborn. It was a very lonely time.

Then one month, ironically the only month out of the past 25 that I didn't acutally convince myself I was pregnant, it happened. A lovely sticky BFP. Am now coming up to my 3rd trimester with baby #2 and suddenly those 2 years are nothing but a bad memory. It has meant we've put the kibosh on trying for our originally planned 3rd child, but at this stage I'm happy with 2.

Fingers crossed it happens for you really soon, I can recommend seeing a naturopath with a speicalty in fertility (I can recommend someone if you're in Adelaide). Take care of yourself and allow yourself to be sad when you feel sad. TTC is sometimes I rough road, look after yourself.

#15 HRH Countrymel

Posted 01 February 2013 - 02:32 PM

Of course you can cry!

I had a little cry just this morning in fact!  My AF is now 4 days late and although I had vowed to never buy another HPT I did yesterday (assuming that it would make AF appear as is their usual way) and tested this morning.

Of course it was BFN, they are always BFN... but I had a cry anyway.  Because it makes me sad.

And the stupid thing STILL hasn't turned up - meaning that it will probably arrive in force just in time for my appointment with my FS on Tuesday, meaning I will pay an astronomical amount of money to not have him stare up my jaxie!

#16 cinnabubble

Posted 01 February 2013 - 02:45 PM

**** pregnancy mentioned****

I had 18 months of secondary infertility and it was one of the most soul-destroying periods of my life. My second daughter was born when I was 40, but I truly despaired of getting her.

I'm sure you've investigated this, but in my case we found that my partner's fertilty had dropped dramatically over the two years since conceiving our older daugher and starting to TTC number 2.

Good luck. It really is soul-destroying.

#17 epl0822

Posted 01 February 2013 - 02:54 PM

QUOTE (Just the two of us @ 14/01/2013, 12:34 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
AF is so painful every month that I basically spend 3 days curled up on the floor of the toilet, with poor DS watching the portable DVD player which I feel absolutly terrible about. My doctor said there's not much I can do about the pain because I can't got on BC if I want to get pregnant.

I am really shocked at your doctor's response. No woman should have to go through painful periods. Please make an appointment with another doctor and see if you can get some prescribed painkillers. Obviously you are not pregnant during your periods so it should be safe to take them. I used to curl up in a toilet cubicle at work trying not to pass out from the pain until I saw a wonderful doctor who gave me the right kind of painkillers which, well, killed the pain. It was amazing being able to go about my daily life afterwards. I hope you can get some help with this.

#18 Mizadele

Posted 01 February 2013 - 02:54 PM

OP, you can have a cry all you want.
I fully understand and hope you are feeling a bit better now that you have had a good let-go.
We were TTC from the time my DD was 12 months old.
AF was terrible for me too. Not painful, but heavy enough to stop me from leaving the house for days at a time.
We were told that having another baby was not going to happen without medical help, so we gave up. We made other plans and got on with our lives, making the most of our only child.
I have heard all the platitudes, and that made it worse. My best friend fell pregnant after only a month of trying, twice!
I lied to everyone, including myself about how I didn't want another baby.
This year, DD turns 11 and we are expecting a baby.
It's been a ridiculous journey, and I truly hope it doesn't take as long for you.
In the mean time, get yourself a great support network and a Dr who will work with you, not one who just treats you as another number.
Best of luck OP.

#19 Bwok~Bwok

Posted 01 February 2013 - 03:16 PM

Of course it is honey, anyone who has a dream and tries to make that dream a reality, will suffer heartache when things aren't going to plan.

I only said this the other day (on EB), As far back as I can remember, I have always wanted 3 children. But I know that if I get a chance to have #1, it's still going to hurt like hell not being able to complete the family I had envisioned!

Don't allow anyone make you feel like you aren't thankful for the child you have already!

Take care and cry as much as you need to.

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