Jump to content

Is it okay to cry?


  • Please log in to reply
18 replies to this topic

#1 Just the two of us

Posted 13 January 2013 - 11:34 PM

I'm sitting here at the moment, trying not to burst into tears but I know it won't be long until they start pouring down. My dreaded AF has just arrived and I feel like absolute hell.

I have been TTC for 19 months now with no luck at all.  I know I should be thankful that I have 1 healthy DS when there are people out there who can't even have 1 child but at the moment I just feel like really hopeless and quite frankly I feel like giving up.

AF is so painful every month that I basically spend 3 days curled up on the floor of the toilet, with poor DS watching the portable DVD player which I feel absolutly terrible about. My doctor said there's not much I can do about the pain because I can't got on BC if I want to get pregnant.

I had a lovely day planned for tomorrow for DS and I but now that AF has arrived, all that has gone out of the window. It seems like everyone around me is getting pregnant and I don't know how to handle it.

I don't have anyone to talk to about this, so if you have read the above Thank You! I feel a little better for writing it down.


#2 CallMeFeral

Posted 13 January 2013 - 11:47 PM

sad.gif

Good luck, hope things improve for you soon  bbighug.gif

#3 Guest_Sunnycat_*

Posted 13 January 2013 - 11:52 PM

I'm sorry sad.gif have you sort any advice from a doctor?

I think your feelings are perfectly valid and normal. I hope it happens soon for you.

#4 starsg

Posted 13 January 2013 - 11:58 PM


Came in from recent topics but just wanted to say sorry you're feeling like this sad.gif

Have you been tested for/explored the possibility of endometriosis? I know that can cause very painful periods, not sure if it may have some effect on fertility as well? It could be worth investigating further, I wouldn't be accepting that amount of pain each month as normal sad.gif

Hope you can find some answers, and of course it's perfectly ok to cry if you need to original.gif

#5 ~shannon~

Posted 14 January 2013 - 12:03 AM

Yes it is okay to cry! I'm so sorry you are going though this. Secondary infertility sucks! I experienced it for two years and found no person in real life who understood my pain. I got all the usual comments about how I should be grateful for the child I had, and that I had no right to be upset when many women can't conceive at all..... Of course we are grateful, and cannot imagine the grief felt by those wanting a child... But that doesn't mean you can't grieve as well.
And It really is a cruel turn of fate when everyone around you is having their second or third baby while you are still struggling.

OP, I am sending you the warmest of hugs at this time, as well as a bundle of hope that it will happen for you soon. Don't lose that hope... just when I thought it was all over for us, and I had come to accept that we would only have one child, after two years of trying we fell pregnant again. And now look at me... Getting ready to give birth to my third baby. I hope this is the future that awaits you too!  bbighug.gif

#6 Fillyjonk

Posted 14 January 2013 - 12:45 AM

Is it okay to cry? By geez, I hope so!!

I second the idea of getting some investigations done as to what is causing the pain.

#7 Leafprincess

Posted 14 January 2013 - 04:15 AM


bbighug.gif you have every right to cry.

My friend had awful AF after going down the hormone injection path towards having a baby.
Anyway, she found taking a magnesium and omega 3 supplement eased her symptoms each month.

If you are uncomfortable taking supplements, maybe increasing foods rich in magnesium & omega 3 might help?

All the best.

#8 Stronger

Posted 14 January 2013 - 09:42 AM

QUOTE (starsg @ 13/01/2013, 09:58 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Came in from recent topics but just wanted to say sorry you're feeling like this sad.gif

Have you been tested for/explored the possibility of endometriosis? I know that can cause very painful periods, not sure if it may have some effect on fertility as well? It could be worth investigating further, I wouldn't be accepting that amount of pain each month as normal sad.gif

Hope you can find some answers, and of course it's perfectly ok to cry if you need to original.gif


This is exactly what I was thinking. Have yourself referred to a fertility specialist and see if they will do a laparoscopy to check for endometriosis. You shouldn't be in THAT much pain from AF. Plus if you do have it, it can affect you getting pregnant - I know because I have just been through it all!

I have been TTC#2 for 4.5yrs so I totally understand the emotions you are going through!

There is also a secondary infertility thread within this section - please come over there and have a chat with people who understand. You would be most welcome.

It is more than ok to have a good cry...this is such a hard journey. Do you have some strong pain killers you can take so you can still enjoy your day with DS? What does your DP/DH say about it?

Hope you feel better soon xxx

Edited by bokbok, 14 January 2013 - 09:45 AM.


#9 Just the two of us

Posted 14 January 2013 - 10:46 PM

Thank you to everyone who replied, it was great to wake up this morning and read all the lovely things that you wrote  original.gif I was up all night in pain but luckily the painkillers kicked in enough so I could take DS to the park for a picnic lunch.

I saw a doctor in November who said that everything looks fine and she can't see any reason why I can't get pregnant. She has referred me to see someone else but I am still waiting for an appointment.

She took some samples and it came back that I had BV so I was put on medicine for this. Does anyone know if that can cause infertility? I didn't get the results for over a month, so I assumed that it can't be that bad and she didn't really say anything when she rang me on the phone to tell me.

Sorry I haven't replied to everyone personally, I am typing this on my Ipad while my DS sleeps on my knee, I like to cuddle him extra during this time.

Edited by Just the two of us, 14 January 2013 - 10:48 PM.


#10 libbylu

Posted 14 January 2013 - 10:55 PM

hugs to you.
I also struggled with secondary infertility for almost 3 years in the end and it is heartbreaking.  I shed many tears when AF arrived. In the end we turned to IVF.
Does Neurofen not help with your period pain?  
Good luck for next month.

#11 A.K.A

Posted 18 January 2013 - 06:02 PM

Of course it is ok to cry, hope you're feeling better now OP.

original.gif

#12 Jax12

Posted 18 January 2013 - 06:13 PM

Another who came in from recent topics and wanted to wish you the best OP  bbighug.gif  Absolutely, a good cry is definitely okay!  

I'm sorry that you're struggle to conceive #2 and that AF is so painful.  Hopefully you get some answers soon and in the meantime you're enjoying lots of cuddles with your DS.  Wishing you your BFP next month.

#13 baileysmummy73

Posted 21 January 2013 - 09:48 AM

Thank you for writing this I'm going through a similar thing..I'm 39 and have a 3.5 yr old son who at times well most days can be so demanding, and have gone to many drs who say no reason we can't concieve our 2nd bub..but a few months back decided I need a cut off age for ttc otherwise It will consume life which it has done the past 3 yrs and for a 3 yrs before..my husband is supportive but rather not talk bout things I need to talk bout..he thinks a hobbie or going back to work will fix it..my body and my emotional state is getting to tired to keep trying..if you ever need to chat Hun pm I'm always here..I'm sorry you have painful periods I haven't had them for a very long time..hope you get your long awaited Bfp very very soon xx

#14 silver-rain

Posted 01 February 2013 - 02:23 PM

It is perfectly acceptable to cry, OP, hope you're feeling better sad.gif I have a very similar story to shannon in that we were trying for baby #2 for 2 years, with a miscarriage and a chemical pregnancy thrown in for good measure. I was seeing a fertility specialist (who did lots of tests and found nothing wrong) and a naturopath who specialises in fertility (who found DH and I were low in some vitamins and gave up supplements to sort that out). I cried every month when AF arrived. And I also understand, everyone around me was either pregnant or had a newborn. It was a very lonely time.

Then one month, ironically the only month out of the past 25 that I didn't acutally convince myself I was pregnant, it happened. A lovely sticky BFP. Am now coming up to my 3rd trimester with baby #2 and suddenly those 2 years are nothing but a bad memory. It has meant we've put the kibosh on trying for our originally planned 3rd child, but at this stage I'm happy with 2.

Fingers crossed it happens for you really soon, I can recommend seeing a naturopath with a speicalty in fertility (I can recommend someone if you're in Adelaide). Take care of yourself and allow yourself to be sad when you feel sad. TTC is sometimes I rough road, look after yourself.

#15 HRH Countrymel

Posted 01 February 2013 - 02:32 PM

Of course you can cry!

I had a little cry just this morning in fact!  My AF is now 4 days late and although I had vowed to never buy another HPT I did yesterday (assuming that it would make AF appear as is their usual way) and tested this morning.

Of course it was BFN, they are always BFN... but I had a cry anyway.  Because it makes me sad.

And the stupid thing STILL hasn't turned up - meaning that it will probably arrive in force just in time for my appointment with my FS on Tuesday, meaning I will pay an astronomical amount of money to not have him stare up my jaxie!

#16 cinnabubble

Posted 01 February 2013 - 02:45 PM

**** pregnancy mentioned****

I had 18 months of secondary infertility and it was one of the most soul-destroying periods of my life. My second daughter was born when I was 40, but I truly despaired of getting her.

I'm sure you've investigated this, but in my case we found that my partner's fertilty had dropped dramatically over the two years since conceiving our older daugher and starting to TTC number 2.

Good luck. It really is soul-destroying.

#17 epl0822

Posted 01 February 2013 - 02:54 PM

QUOTE (Just the two of us @ 14/01/2013, 12:34 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
AF is so painful every month that I basically spend 3 days curled up on the floor of the toilet, with poor DS watching the portable DVD player which I feel absolutly terrible about. My doctor said there's not much I can do about the pain because I can't got on BC if I want to get pregnant.

I am really shocked at your doctor's response. No woman should have to go through painful periods. Please make an appointment with another doctor and see if you can get some prescribed painkillers. Obviously you are not pregnant during your periods so it should be safe to take them. I used to curl up in a toilet cubicle at work trying not to pass out from the pain until I saw a wonderful doctor who gave me the right kind of painkillers which, well, killed the pain. It was amazing being able to go about my daily life afterwards. I hope you can get some help with this.

#18 Mizadele

Posted 01 February 2013 - 02:54 PM

OP, you can have a cry all you want.
I fully understand and hope you are feeling a bit better now that you have had a good let-go.
We were TTC from the time my DD was 12 months old.
AF was terrible for me too. Not painful, but heavy enough to stop me from leaving the house for days at a time.
We were told that having another baby was not going to happen without medical help, so we gave up. We made other plans and got on with our lives, making the most of our only child.
I have heard all the platitudes, and that made it worse. My best friend fell pregnant after only a month of trying, twice!
I lied to everyone, including myself about how I didn't want another baby.
This year, DD turns 11 and we are expecting a baby.
It's been a ridiculous journey, and I truly hope it doesn't take as long for you.
In the mean time, get yourself a great support network and a Dr who will work with you, not one who just treats you as another number.
Best of luck OP.

#19 Bwok~Bwok

Posted 01 February 2013 - 03:16 PM

Of course it is honey, anyone who has a dream and tries to make that dream a reality, will suffer heartache when things aren't going to plan.

I only said this the other day (on EB), As far back as I can remember, I have always wanted 3 children. But I know that if I get a chance to have #1, it's still going to hurt like hell not being able to complete the family I had envisioned!

Don't allow anyone make you feel like you aren't thankful for the child you have already!


Take care and cry as much as you need to.


1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Wondersuit heaven: Bonds & Disney launch exclusive collection

Bonds and Disney fans with babies to buy for will be celebrating this news. Bonds and Disney have just released collaboration Wondersuits.

Perth hospital mistakes cancerous tumour for "behavioural issues"

When Naomi Holly, a mother of three, noticed her eight-month-old daughter Nora, was having difficulty crawling and standing up as normal, she knew there was something wrong.

Piano playing dad soothes son to sleep in moments

There's nothing more frustrating, or distressing to a parent than a sick child who can't  - or won't got to sleep. 

Lucky escape for mum and bub after snake found in couch

Perth mother Laurie Rushton Dyble was sitting on a recliner chair in her home holding her six-month-old son when her husband suddenly told her to get up and leave the room.

When your partner misses the birth

While no one wants their partner to miss their baby’s birth, it can happen. Here’s what to do if you find yourself in that situation.

Motherhood challenge: smug or just a bit of fun?

The #motherhoodchallenge sounds harmless, doesn't it? Some women disagree.

Who's the mum? Family photo goes viral

Last year, it was "The Dress". This year, it is a family photo that is breaking the internet.

5 easy meditation practices for beginners

So who's with me? You know meditating is one of the best things you can possibly do for yourself.

Woman to go on trial for being a bad housewife

An Italian woman could face up to six years in jail after her husband accused her of not doing enough cooking and cleaning at home.

Is the latest advice on women and drinking over the top?

While most expectant mums know to stop drinking when they’re pregnant, experts now warn women should stop drinking earlier than that. Is this necessary?

How household chores can double as a workout

If there's less than a slim chance you'll find time to get out for a jog or to hit the gym today, take heart in knowing that household chores contribute to the calorie equation.

I have no idea what I'm doing - and that's okay

Why don't we talk about the fact that when everything goes right, we may still feel completely lost, and certain that we have failed?

Dad warns of hair tourniquet danger after baby almost loses toe

A shocked father has shared his family's experience in a bid to warn other parents about the dangers of hair becoming entangled around a baby's toe.

Town welcomes first baby in 28 years

Since the 1980s, the Italian town of Ostana had not seen the birth of a single baby.

How to start teaching your kids road safety

It's something that can be taught as early as possible and reinforced as they get older and more mobile - even from toddlerhood.

Just announced: Bugaboo Cameleon³ Classic+ Collection update

Meet the brand new understated chic model from Bugaboo.

The emotional moment a mum hears her late son's heartbeat

It's been two and a half years since Heather Clark's seven-month-old son Lukas passed away.

Nine reasons why you have 'brain fog'

One minute your productivity is skyrocketing and the next you're sitting there trying to focus – just like that you draw blank, your brain, mush.

I had a caesarean and it was beautiful

Guess what? Despite not pushing him out, I cried, and my heart skipped, and I felt the rush of love and pride when I saw him for the first time.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Penny Wong

'The most hurtful argument in the marriage equality debate'

Labor frontbencher Penny Wong is used to to hearing arguments against same-sex marriage. But for Australia's most prominent gay politician, one hurts more than others.

Does exercise have to be fun to work?

Some things in life are inherently served with a big scoop of fun: balloons, bubbles, cupcakes to name but a few, but exercise?

Hair dye gives woman second-degree burns

She wanted a fresh colour for 2016, but instead she got chemical burns.

Kelly Slater saves mum and toddler from 'freak wave'

A Perth family has thanked US surfing "legend" Kelly Slater after the star saved a mother and a young toddler from "a freak wave" in Hawaii.

Apple recalls millions of power adapters

Tech giant instigates massive international recall of power point adapters due to risk of electric shock.

Toddler's adorable alphabet goes viral

It's impossible not to share this little boy's excitement  about the alphabet.

Tot's nighttime waking saves family's life

Like all tired parents, Monique and Kyle Ruppel were looking forward to the day their 15-month-old daughter Celia would start sleeping through the night. 

Australian mum gives birth to quintuplets

An Australian mum who has shared the ups and downs of carrying quintuplets has welcomed her five babies into the world.

Dad of four girls faints at gender reveal for fifth baby

It was all too much excitement for this dad.

The simple way you can help your baby's language development

The way parents respond to their child's babbling can shape how their infants communicate.

Zika virus is 'spreading explosively': WHO

The World Health Organization announced that it will convene an emergency meeting about Zika.

National database recommended for child protection cases

Baby Ebony was repeatedly failed by the agencies tasked with her protection before her horrific death at the hands of her father, South Australia's deputy coroner says.

Hospitals put babies at risk by ignoring policy on elective caesareans

Thirty-eight weeks or 39? Non-medical factors are pushing women to have elective caesareans earlier than official guidelines - and hospitals are playing along.

Police help deliver baby on busy roadside

Two police officers delivered more than a traffic fine by the side of a busy Melbourne road yesterday.

1D's Louis Tomlinson shares first photo of baby

One Direction's Louis Tomlinson has posted the first picture of his baby boy, Freddie, on social media.

 

FREE TICKET

Free first aid demonstrations daily

Get your free ticket to the Essential Baby & Toddler Show and save $20 - register online now!

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.