Jump to content

Decisions about more children.....


  • Please log in to reply
5 replies to this topic

#1 MummyHayles

Posted 13 January 2013 - 11:23 PM

Hi everyone,

Sorry if this feels like a repeat (I just saw beck22's post) though our situation is slightly different so wanted any advice.

We have 2 DD's, one almost 6 and the other almost 2 and we had always spoken about having 3 children. I feel like I've been through a lot of drama with pregnancies, miscarriage and births - long stories though so I won't do into detail and adding onto that our youngest is just a little wild child and completely different from DD1, I think I'm still in shock.

I feel done.
DH said he will be disappointed if we don't try for a third, its not a "wanting a boy" thing he is happy either way he just thinks it will feel complete with another child and as he keeps telling me we always discussed 3 so that's what he thought would happen. I feel like I'm being unfair not wanting to have another baby. I thought maybe I would change my mind a year ago but it hasn't happened yet! rolleyes.gif IF there was another child, I don't want a big gap between like we have with the girls now, I miscarried in between them and it took me a long time to want to try again.

Have any of you been in my situation with your DH set on more children and you just not, and what did you end up doing?

#2 IShallWearMidnight

Posted 14 January 2013 - 01:25 AM

in our family I have final say, as Im the one that gestates and then boobs them for a few years.
I want more kids, DH is open to one more and thats it.
But we figure that if we try and it doesnt happen, then it wasnt meant to be

#3 Natttmumm

Posted 15 January 2013 - 07:41 AM

I have a 5 yr old, a 3 year old and due with number 3 in a month. My kids are great but have been a handful in different ways over the years.bit hasn't been an easy ride.
I was just thinking that if both of you are not up for it then I wouldn't have a third. As I posted in the other post I have found the pregnancy hard with 2 kids to look after. I'm exhausted!! I think if one of us didn't really want Another it would be hard not to. Blame the other. DH originally left the decision to me although I could see he was happy with2. Eventually I made him decide as I didn't want him resenting me when the baby is hard work.
As you know babies and kids etc are a huge job - especially going back once your sort of out of that stage. If your hearts not in it the I would wait and see how you feel in another year.
If its like in my house where the baby stuff falls on me then I wouldn't go through it unless I wanted to


#4 axiomae

Posted 15 January 2013 - 07:46 AM

Im not in your situation at all, but I would imagine the baby would want to be wanted. It would be hard going from 2 - 3, and if your heart is not in it I think that could lead to a whole number of problems.

#5 lozoodle

Posted 15 January 2013 - 07:52 AM

DP really wanted to go for a third, I felt fairly done (though DD2 was only a baby at this point in time) but I was still sort of open to it.

We originally agreed that we'd try again when she was 4. But after a few months I decided that no way, if she got to 4 years old, I would be well and truly done and not wanting to go back for more. I felt like I wanted another, but if we did we were going to start trying NOW, because I didn't want to be totally past the baby stage and go back again. So that's what happened and I'm really happy that we went down that road. We both feel done now even before our baby is born so this is most definitely our last.

If you definitely feel like you want no more, you need to listen to that. I don't think anybody should be having another child just because their partner wants one. You need to really want it to, otherwise it will end up causing resentment. If you decide its really not what you want, your partner is just going to have to accept that, and understand that you need to be true to yourself.

Good luck in your decision.

#6 Freddie'sMum

Posted 15 January 2013 - 07:59 AM

Hi OP

This is definitely a tricky question.

In our house - DH was adamant that we should stop at 2 children - we had discussed having a 2nd baby and he was "yes, let's do that" - but as soon as DD#2 arrived (and she was a completely different kettle of fish to her sister - lots of hard work). He went and got a vasectomy after the birth of DD#2.  He was right.

In a perfect world - I would have loved to have had that 3rd baby - but we are only just hanging onto our sanity as it is.  

There is something else to consider as well - and it's taken me this long to figure it out (our girls are now Miss-7-and-a-half and Miss-5).  Even though DH is the most hands on Dad ever - I am not just saying that - he has been in there, boots and all, changing nappies, dealing with screaming babies / toddlers / middle of the night feeds / sickness - the lot ....

Even with him doing all of that - I still seem to do the 'other stuff' - like when I wanted to go back to work after the birth of DD#1 - I was the one that rang up all the daycares / went to the Council to find out about family day care / filled out all the incredibly long forms that daycares all seem to need.

I was the one who door knocked on the daycare doors / went and spoke to the carers / and then when we finally got offered some days - it was up to me to get (as it was then) DD#1 to and from daycare, and me to and from work - when she was sick, the daycare would ring me to go and collect her.

It was only after we had DD#2 - (and I was back at work) that I said to DH that it wasn't fair that I was always taking time off work to look after the kids when they were sick - why couldn't he take time off work ??  It just hadn't occurred to him.

So, now the girls are older - we use before and after school care - plus holiday care.  Again, I am the one that organises all of that.  I seem to be the one who does most of the other stuff too - it's kind of difficult to explain - but with school, they have dress up days and fun food days - there are always notes home, I am forever chasing my tail, and organising / thinking about what is coming up, who has to go where, what are we all doing on day X / day Y / day Z.  

That's what I now find hard - the organising of a home - the constant notes home from school, the bills that need to be paid, the fact that we always run out of food (I am still yet to start that menu plan idea), I still work part time (so have the stress of my own job), just everything really.

Gosh - I have gone off on a tangent haven't I ??  *blush*

Sorry - honestly you and you DH need to sit down and talk about this together - if need be go and see a counsellor and let them help you thru this.  I just don't believe anyone (Mum or Dad) should force the issue of another baby - if the other person in the relationship doesn't want it.

Best wishes.





1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Win a Mountain Buggy Swift

To celebrate Essential Baby reaching half a million Facebook fans, we have a Mountain Buggy Swift to giveaway to a lucky fan.

Shopping with kids: breaking the pester-power cycle

You're out shopping with your little one and they're incessantly whining that they want a treat. It's easy to say no ... the first time, at least.

eBay jacket may hold clue to murdered girl's identity

A jacket similar to the one found with the remains of a brutally murdered little girl in South Australia has been identified on eBay.

New mum forced back to work early due to paid parental leave 'technicality'

Shelley Parker had to keep driving buses until the date her baby was due and will have to rush back to work at the end of this week after being denied paid parental leave on a "technicality".

Pregnant Amanda Palmer poses naked for book drive

It has to be the most original way ever of promoting a children's book donation day.

The conception dilemma facing many parents today

Some parents who conceived through a sperm donor will be wary of telling the child, while others prefer to deal with it early on. But recent research suggests it makes little difference either way.

The wedding photo the bridesmaid would rather forget

We've probably all seen a passed-out bridesmaid at one wedding or another, but it usually happens towards the end of the night.

Pregnant TV meteorologist takes on haters

Pregnant TV meteorologist Katie Fehlinger has hit back at haters who called her a "sausage in casing".

Honest words from first-time mums

I didn't want to say anything negative to my pregnant friend, but I wish I'd been more honest.

Adorable baby experiences rain for the first time, couldn't be happier

Harper had seen rain from the comfort of indoors before, but had never had the pleasure of being outside and experiencing it first hand.

What it's really like to start a family in your fifties

Many people suppose that it must be much more tiring to have a baby in middle age, but all the mothers in the playground look exhausted, whatever their age.

'Biggest hypocrite ever': Josh Duggar admits to Ashley Madison account

An American reality TV star has been busted with a cheating website account, according to US media.

Long recovery ahead for girl hit by car weeks after baby brother's death

A little girl is more alert and starting to talk after being hit by a car a week ago, but still faces a long recovery.

How to react when a toddler lies

Q: My almost-3-year-old is starting to figure out that he can lie when asked if he ripped the book, threw the food, hit his brother, etc. Totally normal, I know. How do we respond?

The circular experience of a Centrelink client

A mum-to-be experiences the frustration of dealing with Centrelink, myGov and everything in between.

Kelly Clarkson announces live on stage: 'I'm pregnant!'

Singer Kelly Clarkson has announced she is pregnant with her second child during a concert in Los Angeles.

Hack

How to search the leaked Ashley Madison data

At least three sites are republishing Ashley Madison's user data on the public-facing internet.

Mum dances her way through labour

There are a fair few ways to distract yourself and beat pains while in labour, but it's probably a rare woman who chooses her dance her way through it.

'Rest in peace, my little lion': premmie baby Jacob passes away

Baby Jacob, whose photo of him born at just 27 weeks was deemed 'too graphic' for a fundraising site, has died.

Mum killed three young sons 'to help her daughter', prosecutor says

Niall Pilkington's death last summer apparently raised little alarm in Bellefontaine, Ohio. Tragic accidents happen, after all.

Shorter women have shorter pregnancies: study

When a group of researchers studied nearly 3500 mothers and their babies, they noticed a curious pattern.

Get your FREE Baby & Toddler Show ticket!

Get your free ticket to the Sydney Essential Baby & Toddler Show for September 25-27 - register online now.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

The worst 20 minutes of my life

Thirty seconds was all it took to turn a shopping trip into my worst nightmare.

Top baby names for England and Wales in 2014

George has overtaken William in the official rankings of most popular British baby names - and Game of Thrones is still having an impact on parents.

Baseball or baby? Dad's tough choice

What's more important, a baby or a baseball? That's a question this dad seems to struggle with.

Childbirth choices: five star or free?

It's not often you hear the words labour and luxury in the same sentence but for some, a 5-star start to parenthood is exactly what they seek. And with a number of private hospitals now offering packages which include a post-birth stay at a sumptuous first class resort, many mums are choosing to recover in style.

'Where did your boobies go, Mummy?' and other soul-destroying comments from kids

Most women carry a smidge of baby weight after giving birth. If you're lucky enough to have an older child in the house, they can keep you on track with your weight loss goals.

Do you read me, baby?

Is it too soon to be reading to my two-month-old son? If not, what should I read?

Minimising sibling rivalry when you've got a baby

Sibling rivalry is an act of competition, but if your children feel involved and special, this type of jealousy will be minimised.

Will studying on maternity leave take you away from your most important job?

I remember when I was trying to decide if I could combine motherhood and furthering my university education.

Win a Pacapod this Father's Day

To celebrate dads and families, we are giving away a Picos Pack from Pacapod Australia filled with a few extra goodies ENTER NOW

Preschooler hit by car shortly after baby brother's death

A mother has had a frantic race to the hospital after her daughter was hit by a car, just four weeks after her infant son died.

Gay couple and Thai surrogate in custody tug-of-war

A six-month-old baby girl is trapped in the Thai capital in a bitter custody wrangle between her Thai surrogate mother and her biological father.

Couple denied IVF over parenting concerns

A mother of six has been denied access to IVF treatment in order to have another child over concerns about her parenting skills.

The book that promises to put your children to sleep

Exhausted parents from around the world are singing the praises of a "miracle" book which promises to put even the most restless child to sleep in just minutes.

5 things every parent who feels guilty needs to know

Parenthood can make you feel bad, but you're not alone.

Royals criticise 'dangerous' attempts to photograph Prince George

The British royal family criticized paparazzi on Friday for what it called their increasingly dangerous attempts to photograph young Prince George.

'No jab, no play' rule to cover Victorian kindergartens and childcare centres

"Anti-vaxxers" face not being able to send their children to childcare centres or kindergarten if they refuse to have them immunised.

15,000 birthing kits on their way to developing countries

Giving birth in a hospital surrounded by medical experts is tough enough, but some women deliver babies without a clean sheet to lie on.

Photo of premmie 'too graphic', fundraising site says

When their son Jacob was born at just 27 weeks, Christina and Jeff Hinks were thrown into an uncertain world.

The latest Bugaboo collections: cool chevron and runner prams

Bugaboo sure likes to keep things fresh, and with the Australian spring/summer season coming up, there are two new Bugaboo pram releases.

Making room for two in the bed

Mum's room or their own room? Cot or bassinets? Deciding where twins will sleep can be tricky.

 

FREE TICKET

See Hi-5 LIVE in Sydney!

Get your free ticket to The Essential Baby & Toddler Show and save $20 - register online now!

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.