Jump to content

Decisions about more children.....


  • Please log in to reply
5 replies to this topic

#1 MummyHayles

Posted 13 January 2013 - 11:23 PM

Hi everyone,

Sorry if this feels like a repeat (I just saw beck22's post) though our situation is slightly different so wanted any advice.

We have 2 DD's, one almost 6 and the other almost 2 and we had always spoken about having 3 children. I feel like I've been through a lot of drama with pregnancies, miscarriage and births - long stories though so I won't do into detail and adding onto that our youngest is just a little wild child and completely different from DD1, I think I'm still in shock.

I feel done.
DH said he will be disappointed if we don't try for a third, its not a "wanting a boy" thing he is happy either way he just thinks it will feel complete with another child and as he keeps telling me we always discussed 3 so that's what he thought would happen. I feel like I'm being unfair not wanting to have another baby. I thought maybe I would change my mind a year ago but it hasn't happened yet! rolleyes.gif IF there was another child, I don't want a big gap between like we have with the girls now, I miscarried in between them and it took me a long time to want to try again.

Have any of you been in my situation with your DH set on more children and you just not, and what did you end up doing?

#2 Feralishous

Posted 14 January 2013 - 01:25 AM

in our family I have final say, as Im the one that gestates and then boobs them for a few years.
I want more kids, DH is open to one more and thats it.
But we figure that if we try and it doesnt happen, then it wasnt meant to be

#3 Natttmumm

Posted 15 January 2013 - 07:41 AM

I have a 5 yr old, a 3 year old and due with number 3 in a month. My kids are great but have been a handful in different ways over the years.bit hasn't been an easy ride.
I was just thinking that if both of you are not up for it then I wouldn't have a third. As I posted in the other post I have found the pregnancy hard with 2 kids to look after. I'm exhausted!! I think if one of us didn't really want Another it would be hard not to. Blame the other. DH originally left the decision to me although I could see he was happy with2. Eventually I made him decide as I didn't want him resenting me when the baby is hard work.
As you know babies and kids etc are a huge job - especially going back once your sort of out of that stage. If your hearts not in it the I would wait and see how you feel in another year.
If its like in my house where the baby stuff falls on me then I wouldn't go through it unless I wanted to


#4 axiomae

Posted 15 January 2013 - 07:46 AM

Im not in your situation at all, but I would imagine the baby would want to be wanted. It would be hard going from 2 - 3, and if your heart is not in it I think that could lead to a whole number of problems.

#5 lozoodle

Posted 15 January 2013 - 07:52 AM

DP really wanted to go for a third, I felt fairly done (though DD2 was only a baby at this point in time) but I was still sort of open to it.

We originally agreed that we'd try again when she was 4. But after a few months I decided that no way, if she got to 4 years old, I would be well and truly done and not wanting to go back for more. I felt like I wanted another, but if we did we were going to start trying NOW, because I didn't want to be totally past the baby stage and go back again. So that's what happened and I'm really happy that we went down that road. We both feel done now even before our baby is born so this is most definitely our last.

If you definitely feel like you want no more, you need to listen to that. I don't think anybody should be having another child just because their partner wants one. You need to really want it to, otherwise it will end up causing resentment. If you decide its really not what you want, your partner is just going to have to accept that, and understand that you need to be true to yourself.

Good luck in your decision.

#6 Freddie'sMum

Posted 15 January 2013 - 07:59 AM

Hi OP

This is definitely a tricky question.

In our house - DH was adamant that we should stop at 2 children - we had discussed having a 2nd baby and he was "yes, let's do that" - but as soon as DD#2 arrived (and she was a completely different kettle of fish to her sister - lots of hard work). He went and got a vasectomy after the birth of DD#2.  He was right.

In a perfect world - I would have loved to have had that 3rd baby - but we are only just hanging onto our sanity as it is.  

There is something else to consider as well - and it's taken me this long to figure it out (our girls are now Miss-7-and-a-half and Miss-5).  Even though DH is the most hands on Dad ever - I am not just saying that - he has been in there, boots and all, changing nappies, dealing with screaming babies / toddlers / middle of the night feeds / sickness - the lot ....

Even with him doing all of that - I still seem to do the 'other stuff' - like when I wanted to go back to work after the birth of DD#1 - I was the one that rang up all the daycares / went to the Council to find out about family day care / filled out all the incredibly long forms that daycares all seem to need.

I was the one who door knocked on the daycare doors / went and spoke to the carers / and then when we finally got offered some days - it was up to me to get (as it was then) DD#1 to and from daycare, and me to and from work - when she was sick, the daycare would ring me to go and collect her.

It was only after we had DD#2 - (and I was back at work) that I said to DH that it wasn't fair that I was always taking time off work to look after the kids when they were sick - why couldn't he take time off work ??  It just hadn't occurred to him.

So, now the girls are older - we use before and after school care - plus holiday care.  Again, I am the one that organises all of that.  I seem to be the one who does most of the other stuff too - it's kind of difficult to explain - but with school, they have dress up days and fun food days - there are always notes home, I am forever chasing my tail, and organising / thinking about what is coming up, who has to go where, what are we all doing on day X / day Y / day Z.  

That's what I now find hard - the organising of a home - the constant notes home from school, the bills that need to be paid, the fact that we always run out of food (I am still yet to start that menu plan idea), I still work part time (so have the stress of my own job), just everything really.

Gosh - I have gone off on a tangent haven't I ??  *blush*

Sorry - honestly you and you DH need to sit down and talk about this together - if need be go and see a counsellor and let them help you thru this.  I just don't believe anyone (Mum or Dad) should force the issue of another baby - if the other person in the relationship doesn't want it.

Best wishes.





1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Share the little things that make you smile

We're giving away a Mountain Buggy nano, the ultimate travel stroller - and here are some of the great entries so far.

Toddler pleads for return of "stolen" nose

A two-year-old's reaction to a game of "got your nose" shows it doesn't take much to make a toddler cry.

The 15 photos new parents share (and five they don't)

From the first scan photo to the baby covered in cake at their first birthday party, there are 15 photos most parents seem to share - and some they don't.

Doctor sings first Happy Birthday to newborns

His job is to deliver babies, but this US obstetrician also has a unique way of celebrating the miracle of life.

Breastfeeding friendly café goes viral

A photo of a breastfeeding-friendly sign in a cafe has been posted to Facebook and shared by hundreds of mums around the world.

First look at the Bugaboo Bee3

The newest Bugaboo Bee ? the Bee3 ? offers a variety of improved features, including a much asked-for bassinet and a rainbow of colour combinations.

Childcare costs, not paid leave, the real issue for parents

Given the choice between maintaining their wage for six months to have a child, or having a reduced rate of pay for a time but a better deal on childcare when returning to work, there are no odds on what most working parents would choose.

Win a Mountain Buggy nano

We?re giving away the new Mountain Buggy Nano - the lightweight travel buggy! So show us the little things that make you smile for your chance to win.

We lost three babies in two years

Our first pregnancy ended the way we all expected it to - with a healthy, happy baby in our arms. What a true blessing he was, for we were not to know the heartache we were about endure.

Family turned back from doomed flight MH17

'There must have been someone watching over us and saying, 'You must not get on that flight,' says mother who narrowly avoided boarding the Malaysian Airlines flight which exploded in mid-air over the Ukraine last night.

The myths and facts about "normal" breastfeeding

When it comes to successful breastfeeding, there is a wide variety to what is "normal", according to new research.

Adorable Skeanie loafers for kids

Your little toddler or preschooler can now get their nautical on with a new range of classic loafers by Australian show brand Skeanie.

My baby is hypermobile

For months, I have been telling myself not to worry that Jasmin isn't crawling or walking. This week I heard the term hypermobile for the first time.

When you don?t bond with your baby

They say that there is no bond greater than the bond between a mother and her child. But for some women, the mother-baby bond takes more time and effort to develop.

Yumi Stynes: Having a baby after a 10-year break

After a long break, Yumi Stynes gets a reminder of the pain - and the pleasure - of giving birth.

Grieving father asks for help to Photoshop his daughter's image

When Nathan Steffel's daughter Sophia died from a liver condition at just 6 weeks old, he reached out for someone to create a beautiful image of his little girl.

Raising kids in a 'low media' home

Can you imagine a life without TV or computers? Some parents are opting for a low-tech, screen-free life for their kids.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Win a Mountain Buggy nano

We?re giving away the new Mountain Buggy Nano - the lightweight travel buggy! So show us the little things that make you smile for your chance to win.

Be careful what you say, your baby is listening

The importance of speaking to your baby even if they are not old enough to answer back has been highlighted by new research.

The beautiful moment a baby was born at the side of a road

It's not where she expected to give birth, but mum Corrine Cinatl is delighted that her daughter's roadside arrival was captured in a series of beautiful photos.

Doctor sings first Happy Birthday to newborns

His job is to deliver babies, but this US obstetrician also has a unique way of celebrating the miracle of life.

The Nappy Collective starts new drive

It's that time of year when the dedicated volunteers at The Nappy Collective do their bit to help out mums and children in need - and they need your help.

Baby shower cake wrecks

From misshapen cake babies to questionable text, from odd colour choices to internal organ recreation, these are the baby shower cakes that taste forgot.

Photographer captures the beauty of adoption

The love of a family is usually tough to capture on camera. This is an exception.

Pregnancy progression photo ideas

Want to record your pregnancy as your belly grows? Here are some creative, fun ideas for photo shoots along the way.

The myths and facts about "normal" breastfeeding

When it comes to successful breastfeeding, there is a wide variety to what is "normal", according to new research.

Tin can craft and DIY ideas

Got a few old formula, Milo or coffee cans around the house? Use these fantastic upcycling ideas to create items for around the house and yard.

Dads meet their newborn for the first time

Emotional photos of two fathers meeting their newborn son have resonated with viewers worldwide, attracting thousands of Facebook likes and shares.

Skin safety isn't just a summer worry

Lax about the slip slop slap with your kids as weather turns cooler? Here's a reminder as to why we have to remain vigilant for our children?s future health.

Personalised baby gifts

We've scoured the internet to find gorgeous personalised keepsakes and nursery decor to record baby name and dates. They make great gifts for christenings, name days and birthdays! (All prices in AU.)

Creative sleeping baby photoshoots

See how some parents and photographers have captured sleeping babies in unusual positions and using different props.

DIY kitchen and food hacks

DIY your way to a better kitchen and make cooking easier with our clever hacks. (Some content reproduced with permission from mashable.com.)

Winter warmers for babies and toddlers

Your baby or toddler will be nice and snug in these beautiful and fun winter pieces. Most are hand-made or knitted, and they're all designed to keep your little one toastie - and adorable!

 

Mind, body, beauty, life

Making time for me

We look at your wellbeing, covering health, relationships, beauty and fashion, mind and body.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.