Jump to content

Decisions about more children.....


  • Please log in to reply
5 replies to this topic

#1 MummyHayles

Posted 13 January 2013 - 11:23 PM

Hi everyone,

Sorry if this feels like a repeat (I just saw beck22's post) though our situation is slightly different so wanted any advice.

We have 2 DD's, one almost 6 and the other almost 2 and we had always spoken about having 3 children. I feel like I've been through a lot of drama with pregnancies, miscarriage and births - long stories though so I won't do into detail and adding onto that our youngest is just a little wild child and completely different from DD1, I think I'm still in shock.

I feel done.
DH said he will be disappointed if we don't try for a third, its not a "wanting a boy" thing he is happy either way he just thinks it will feel complete with another child and as he keeps telling me we always discussed 3 so that's what he thought would happen. I feel like I'm being unfair not wanting to have another baby. I thought maybe I would change my mind a year ago but it hasn't happened yet! rolleyes.gif IF there was another child, I don't want a big gap between like we have with the girls now, I miscarried in between them and it took me a long time to want to try again.

Have any of you been in my situation with your DH set on more children and you just not, and what did you end up doing?

#2 IShallWearMidnight

Posted 14 January 2013 - 01:25 AM

in our family I have final say, as Im the one that gestates and then boobs them for a few years.
I want more kids, DH is open to one more and thats it.
But we figure that if we try and it doesnt happen, then it wasnt meant to be

#3 Natttmumm

Posted 15 January 2013 - 07:41 AM

I have a 5 yr old, a 3 year old and due with number 3 in a month. My kids are great but have been a handful in different ways over the years.bit hasn't been an easy ride.
I was just thinking that if both of you are not up for it then I wouldn't have a third. As I posted in the other post I have found the pregnancy hard with 2 kids to look after. I'm exhausted!! I think if one of us didn't really want Another it would be hard not to. Blame the other. DH originally left the decision to me although I could see he was happy with2. Eventually I made him decide as I didn't want him resenting me when the baby is hard work.
As you know babies and kids etc are a huge job - especially going back once your sort of out of that stage. If your hearts not in it the I would wait and see how you feel in another year.
If its like in my house where the baby stuff falls on me then I wouldn't go through it unless I wanted to


#4 axiomae

Posted 15 January 2013 - 07:46 AM

Im not in your situation at all, but I would imagine the baby would want to be wanted. It would be hard going from 2 - 3, and if your heart is not in it I think that could lead to a whole number of problems.

#5 lozoodle

Posted 15 January 2013 - 07:52 AM

DP really wanted to go for a third, I felt fairly done (though DD2 was only a baby at this point in time) but I was still sort of open to it.

We originally agreed that we'd try again when she was 4. But after a few months I decided that no way, if she got to 4 years old, I would be well and truly done and not wanting to go back for more. I felt like I wanted another, but if we did we were going to start trying NOW, because I didn't want to be totally past the baby stage and go back again. So that's what happened and I'm really happy that we went down that road. We both feel done now even before our baby is born so this is most definitely our last.

If you definitely feel like you want no more, you need to listen to that. I don't think anybody should be having another child just because their partner wants one. You need to really want it to, otherwise it will end up causing resentment. If you decide its really not what you want, your partner is just going to have to accept that, and understand that you need to be true to yourself.

Good luck in your decision.

#6 Freddie'sMum

Posted 15 January 2013 - 07:59 AM

Hi OP

This is definitely a tricky question.

In our house - DH was adamant that we should stop at 2 children - we had discussed having a 2nd baby and he was "yes, let's do that" - but as soon as DD#2 arrived (and she was a completely different kettle of fish to her sister - lots of hard work). He went and got a vasectomy after the birth of DD#2.  He was right.

In a perfect world - I would have loved to have had that 3rd baby - but we are only just hanging onto our sanity as it is.  

There is something else to consider as well - and it's taken me this long to figure it out (our girls are now Miss-7-and-a-half and Miss-5).  Even though DH is the most hands on Dad ever - I am not just saying that - he has been in there, boots and all, changing nappies, dealing with screaming babies / toddlers / middle of the night feeds / sickness - the lot ....

Even with him doing all of that - I still seem to do the 'other stuff' - like when I wanted to go back to work after the birth of DD#1 - I was the one that rang up all the daycares / went to the Council to find out about family day care / filled out all the incredibly long forms that daycares all seem to need.

I was the one who door knocked on the daycare doors / went and spoke to the carers / and then when we finally got offered some days - it was up to me to get (as it was then) DD#1 to and from daycare, and me to and from work - when she was sick, the daycare would ring me to go and collect her.

It was only after we had DD#2 - (and I was back at work) that I said to DH that it wasn't fair that I was always taking time off work to look after the kids when they were sick - why couldn't he take time off work ??  It just hadn't occurred to him.

So, now the girls are older - we use before and after school care - plus holiday care.  Again, I am the one that organises all of that.  I seem to be the one who does most of the other stuff too - it's kind of difficult to explain - but with school, they have dress up days and fun food days - there are always notes home, I am forever chasing my tail, and organising / thinking about what is coming up, who has to go where, what are we all doing on day X / day Y / day Z.  

That's what I now find hard - the organising of a home - the constant notes home from school, the bills that need to be paid, the fact that we always run out of food (I am still yet to start that menu plan idea), I still work part time (so have the stress of my own job), just everything really.

Gosh - I have gone off on a tangent haven't I ??  *blush*

Sorry - honestly you and you DH need to sit down and talk about this together - if need be go and see a counsellor and let them help you thru this.  I just don't believe anyone (Mum or Dad) should force the issue of another baby - if the other person in the relationship doesn't want it.

Best wishes.





1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Tell us what you think

to WIN 1 of 2 $500 Coles/Myer gift cards

Dealing with a toddler's morning tantrums

Your schedule is not important to your two-year-old, and you cannot convince her otherwise. So what can you do?

Child in suitcase 'could have died eight years ago'

A child whose remains were dumped in a suitcase in the South Australian bush is believed to have been a girl aged between two-and-a-half to four.

MP breastfeeds baby during parliamentary session

An Argentinian mum and politician has caused a stir on social media after being filmed breastfeeding her baby.

My baby's first seizure

It was 1am on a cold winter's night when I woke suddenly to the screams of my 12-month-old son. Our lives were about to change forever.

Portable pools 'more dangerous than permanent ones'

Inflatable and portable children's pools may be required to be sold with compulsory fencing to prevent backyard drownings, with some experts even floating the idea of a ban.

Heartbreaking moment mum kisses her one-week-old goodbye

At 11.07am on April 2 this year, Sarah Marriott welcomed baby Sebastian into the world.

The amazing Tee Pee bed and kid-friendly Frankie Bunk bed

These kids' beds definitely fit the brief of providing personality and personal space for little people who are moving up in the world.

The funny things kids say when you're pregnant

Since becoming noticeably pregnant, my son has taken more of an interest in the sibling he'll soon have.

The real problem with having one child

In this age of political correctness, it seems the one subject still subject to discrimination is that of the Only Child.

Six-week-old baby found dead, believed stabbed

A neighbour heard a child screaming before a baby was found dead, believed to have been stabbed, in a house in Newcastle.

The fire hazard in more than 70,000 Australian homes

So far, 206 Samsung washing machines have caught fire and some have exploded. But many remain in people's homes.

How having a baby can bring on OCD

We all know that having a baby can turn your life upside down - and it can also bring a raft of new anxieties and worries.

IVF gender selection being considered for Australian parents

Couples using IVF may be able to choose the gender of their babies and women could be financially compensated for donating their eggs.

The best age to get married (according to the latest study)

Not too young, and not too old. That's reportedly the best age to get married. Not everyone agrees.

Yes, you can get pregnant before your period returns post-baby

After giving birth, the last thing you want to think about is contraception. But you can get pregnant before your period comes back.

Fellow diner rewards mum after toddler's tantrum

Parents of toddlers everywhere know the feeling. After working up the courage to take your child out for lunch or dinner in public you are rewarded with a mid-meal meltdown. 

IKEA begins massive safety campaign after two toddler deaths

Two children were killed when pieces from their Malm furniture line tipped over.

Beaneasy: sweet nursery furniture with a twist

If you're looking to introduce an organic element into your baby's nursery but want to step away from natural timber, we have the perfect alternative.

A dad's guide to hyperemesis

I am in no way qualified to advise women on how to cope with hyperemesis, but I've learnt some lessons that might be worth sharing with other partners.

Woman adopts best friend's four daughters after cancer tragedy

Best friends share everything - and for these two life-long friends, that includes family.

Baby Leo's mum excluded from $500K trust 'for her own protection'

Samuel Forrest didn't want his wife as a trustee of their baby Leo's half million dollar trust for her own "protection", it has emerged.

Confirmed: men gain weight when they become dads

Men who become fathers experience weight gain and an increase in body mass index, a measurement of body fat based on height and weight, according to a new, large-scale study

Carer investigated over washing machine photo posted 'for a laugh'

She said the photo of a boy with Down syndrome in a washing machine was taken just for fun, but no one else was laughing.

Mum's premature labour nightmare after high tea salmonella outbreak

An opulent high tea at a luxury Melbourne hotel has left 44 people with salmonella poisoning - including a pregnant woman, who went into early labour.

The day my son started a fire

Would you know what to do in a fire emergency? How safe is your home and family?

Prince George celebrates second birthday

Prince George's second birthday has been marked by the release of an official picture showing the toddler smiling as he is held by his proud beaming father.

Which beauty treatments are safe in pregnancy?

Is it safe to use fake tan, hair dye and nail varnish during pregnancy?

The five ways I know my 'baby' is no longer a baby

The truth is, I can no longer deny that my walking, babbling, somewhat-independent little miss is no longer a bona fide 'baby'.

Review: Cybex Platinum PRIAM pram

I'm not usually one who believes in love at first sight but that's exactly what happened when I first saw the Cybex PRIAM.

Get your FREE Baby & Toddler Show ticket!

Get your free ticket to the Sydney Essential Baby & Toddler Show for September 25-27 - register online now.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Tell us what you think

to WIN 1 of 2 $500 Coles/Myer gift cards

Why I'm choosing to be a single mother right from the start

I believe that you get out of families what you put into them, and I will give mine my all.

Mother and baby units are a necessity for mental health, not a luxury

I have had two postnatal psychotic episodes. The first when my eldest child was six weeks old, and another after my second child was born.

30 French baby names

French names are always in fashion, but a few have risen in popularity in recent years.

New mum's Spanish maternity nightmare

A British woman who gave birth in Spain has told of her ordeal after spending weeks trying to convince medics the baby girl was hers.

Preparing Rover to be a good dog with baby

Some friends of ours say that it's dangerous to have a dog around a newborn and that we should start looking for a new home for him. Is it?

Company offers to ship working mums' breast milk home

First Apple and Facebook announced they would pay $20,000 towards the cost of their female employees freezing their eggs, now IBM in the US has come up with an innovative new policy aimed at retaining female employees.

Prince William speaks of his pride at wife Kate and 'little joy of heaven' Charlotte

The Duke of Cambridge opened up about family life and his plans for the future in an interview to mark his first day as an air ambulance pilot.

'Glowing' eye saves baby Mason's life

A simple photo taken in front of an evening fire gave new mother Sarah Bowers the power to save her baby's life. 

Parenting and decision overload

Of all the advice people told me before having a baby, no one warned me about the amount of decisions involved.

Proof that toddlers can't be left unsupervised - ever

Parents of toddlers all know the moment when realise your child is being suspiciously quiet. It can only mean one thing - trouble!

Meet Jeremy Ryan, The Voice contestant with seven kids

If you have trouble recalling the ages of Jeremy Ryan's seven children on The Voice, you're not alone. So does he.

Baby's adorable reaction to wearing glasses for the first time

Getting glasses can be a formative moment in a person's life.

Police officer buys supplies for family after mum of six caught shoplifting

When a mum of six was caught shoplifting nappies, clothes and shoes for her kids, the last thing she expected was for a stranger to pay for her haul.

Why pregnant women on antidepressants shouldn’t panic about birth defect claims

The risk of having uncontrolled depression is far greater than the small increased risk of birth defects that may be associated with specific antidepressants.

Arrests made over children's birthday party brawl

Police have raided properties and arrested a number of people over a brawl at a child's birthday party at a play centre in Sydney's west.

Family shares awesome drone baby announcement

Looking for a creative way to share some big news? Look to the skies, like this family did.

Young warrior Owen defies doctors' predictions

Little Owen DiCandilo's name means "young warrior", and it's a description that perfectly fits the inspiring 18-month-old

Advice for dads: when to approach your wife for sex

The exhaustion that comes with caring for young children often means romance between parents becomes a thing of the past.

I might be fat, but I don't need saving

I've been fat for pretty much most of life, besides a few crazy moments of being less-fat, but for the most part I've existed on this earth with a little more meat on my bones than desirable.

The rookie mistakes we make as parents

Since the dawn of civilisation, generation after generation of new parents have had to rely on instinct, trial and error - and sometimes get it wrong.

 

FREE TICKET

See Pinky McKay live in Sydney

Get your free ticket to The Essential Baby & Toddler Show and save $20 - register online now!

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.