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Does anyone not 'allow' their teenage child to use Facebook?

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#1 jm3

Posted 13 January 2013 - 09:20 PM

My daughter turns 13 this year.

Some of her friends have FB but most don't.  I have it and use it most days but I'm not a big poster.

I want to protect my daughter from the issues I hear about all too often which affect teenage children and social media.

I have told her I would rather her be teased for not being on FB than be teased 'on' FB if that makes sense.

So far, she understands and agrees but I'm sure this won't always be the case.

What have been your experiences so far?

#2 Curly Wurly

Posted 13 January 2013 - 09:29 PM

DD1 has shown no interest in FB.  DD2 is in Year 7 this year, totally different personality so I know I will have issues.  At the moment it is "all my friends have a mobile phone why cant I?". I am not sure how I will deal with it either.

#3 busymum01

Posted 13 January 2013 - 09:34 PM

Us, we've said no to our soon to be 14 year old first with Messenger, then FB and a phone.... Nasty parents we are!

#4 mez70

Posted 13 January 2013 - 09:35 PM

My eldest children turn 12 this year and they both have friends etc who are on FB. i have said noas FN states you need to be 13 etc and that we will readdress it. One thing I do find id that my DD is slightly disadvantaged by not being on FB as her Calisthenics team have a closed group where routines and work etc get uploaded to, club messages etc all go through, and as I don't want her to have access to my main page it can be hard when she wants to watch the new work without everyone being around.

The way I look at it there are other means and ways of messaging and chatting on line and FB is just one of them. I know my DD and a few of her friends have a program called "kick" I think which is like an instant messaging service on the Ipods (mind you the WiFi has to be on for to access it, and even some of the more innocent games like Moshi Monsters and Club Penguin has message boards etc as I know there was a bit of bullying a few years ago at the kids school using the message pages of MM.

I guess the best you can do is be open and honest about it, explain that once stuff is out there it cannot be retrieved and teacher her Cyber safety and about privacy settings etc. 1 rule I have is that I must know any passwords to email address etc so that at anytime I can pick up an Ipod, log into their email etc to check what is going on etc.. I don't want to "ban" it as such as I have sometimes found that banning something only makes them want it more ..

Good luck

#5 ms flib

Posted 13 January 2013 - 09:40 PM

My almost 13 DS isn't interested and I won't be letting him use it for as long as possible. He's got better things to do!

#6 jm3

Posted 13 January 2013 - 09:42 PM

Yes, my daughter is quite good and doesn't really argue.  She knows that I will look at ipod/phone at any time and if there's anything that shouldn't be it will be taken away.  She had instagram for a while but I am so not into 'selfies' and kids trying to look older than they are so I banned that one.

Agree Mez70 - my daughter is in a similar situation and so I would like her to have it for that reason but then it gets out of hand with hundreds of 'friends' and I just don't want to encourage it.

#7 Walkers

Posted 13 January 2013 - 09:44 PM

Our second dd just entered the world of Facebook last week when she turned 15. It was a birthday promise. She was probably one of the last in her group to get it but there were no tantrums over it, just the occasional pester. I'm glad we were able to put it off, at 13 she was too immature.

#8 ubermum

Posted 13 January 2013 - 09:46 PM

I don't have my own teenager, but I do have a 16yo in the house. Given her circumstances, I am pretty lenient with facebook, so long as I am on her friends list and have access to the account.

When my daughters want facebook, so long as they are in high school, they will be allowed but with conditions. I must have complete and total access to the account at any time I choose. I must not only be their friend, but friends with everyone on their friends list.  Any attempted deletion, hiding or deception on facebook will result in the removal the right to use it for a certain amount of time. These rules are the ones used by my friend who has very good control of her 14yo. The reason she is friends with all her daughters friends on facebook is because when her daughter set up a secret account, she found out because she kept getting a friend recommendation. Clever. Also, if I in any way thought it was adversely affecting my child in any way, I would shut it down.

I think it is important they get the opportunity to use it, simply because it is such a large part of teenagers social lives today.

#9 Expelliarmus

Posted 13 January 2013 - 09:47 PM

DD1 will be 13 in 5 months and I have been teaching her how to be cybersafe in preparation for Facebook which she desperately wants. I see no reason not to allow it, I have it and I would be a hypocrite to not allow her. It's a significant part of her church youth group, dance school and, according to her, life in general and I see no problem with Facebook as she has been taught how to use it responsibly. I see no value in keeping this from her as she may very well then decide to keep it from me.

Edited by howdo, 13 January 2013 - 09:47 PM.

#10 i-candi

Posted 13 January 2013 - 09:47 PM

My DS turns 14 later this year and I've told him NO Facebook. Seems there are so many issues with Facebook, I don't have any issues but I'm not a teen.

DS doesn't care as he isn't into other people or groups of people.

I don't restrict other computer stuff and he is a member of Whirlpool and such. DH keeps an eye on him and after one post we've told him that he can't respond to posts until he shows us that he is more mature. The post in question wasn't too bad but you've got to set boundaries. It's working but then DS is very compliant.

DS spent a long car trip googling uni options and megatronics, nano technology and robotics were on the top of his list. He just needs a very high TER - apparently 91 to get into his preferred lol. Nothing like a bit of pressure when you are about to enter your second year of high school lol

#11 treetree

Posted 13 January 2013 - 09:59 PM

The rule here is that you can have it when you turn thirteen but I must have the password and access to the connected email address.

Eldest has had it for a while. Whenever there is a drama or anything inappropriate I change her password for a while.

I figure if I totally restrict it she will have bigger dramas using it when she finally does, this way I can 'teach' as we go until I finally let her create her own password!

You do have to be careful. We have had incidents with bullying, inappropriate messages, and contact with a person of an inappropriate age. But, I have also found it a great tool to know what's going on, not just with DD herself but with groups at the school, her friends, and other kids she knows. We've managed to pre-empt a few dramas before they got out of hand.

I will give a disclaimer here that I am not a complete snoop! DD is very naive, a few very bad things have happened around her in the past few years and I simply need to be super vigilant to protect her.

#12 Wonderlust

Posted 13 January 2013 - 11:21 PM

My cousin won't allow her 16 and 14 yr old dd's on fb and I get it. What I don't get is why they are then allowed to have Instagram accounts and are always posting bikini clad pictures of themselves for all to see.

Also as the pp mention, they can always create a fb account under another name and unless you are on the ball, it's hard to detect.

#13 JustBeige

Posted 14 January 2013 - 06:26 AM

DD has been told that when she is 13 she can have the much "needed" account.

There are definitely conditions to it like passwords and friending etc.   I would be surprised if she uses it very much tbh. the school has their own contact centre that the kids are encouraged to use.

Mez - in regards to KIK.  Just be aware that anyone can be added and if you read through some of the comments section its very worrying... "My name is xyz, add me for a good time. I am 15 and looking for fun"....   it made me say a flat out NO to DD.  I had no faith in the program that no one could find her  and add her without her permission etc.  At least with FB I can set her up to not be found.

#14 Julie3Girls

Posted 14 January 2013 - 07:09 AM

My girls aren't old enough yet (I'm a mean mum who has said no to my 11yr old, even though a lot of her friends are on there)

I will be allowing it once she is 13 though. To be honest, I'd much rather let them have the facebook account when they are at the younger end, so that hopefully I'll have a bit more control.

I can imagine that if I banned it completely, all her friends have it, it's not a huge step for your 15/16yr old to make an account anyway without my knowledge, without any input/control from me.

At least by being on side with it, I'll be able to have the password, be able to monitor friends, and anything said on there. I can teach her a bit about cyber safety - actually, our primary school is doing a pretty good job with that as well.

To be honest, I think it is pretty hard to shield them from it completely - my older two girls finally got an ipod touch this christmas, so they now have access to facetime and imessages. I know from another mum, there have already been some issues with the girls at school over facetime, so I'll be keeping a close eye on things.

#15 ~sydblue~

Posted 14 January 2013 - 07:09 AM

I would be wary of KIK as well. More so than FB actually.

#16 Therese

Posted 14 January 2013 - 09:37 AM

My oldest will be 13 in a few months so this is something we have been talking about a lot. She is one of the only children in her year at school without FB now.

At this point in time she will probably be allowed to join when she is 13. There will be very strict rules and she will need to friend her grandparents and aunts as well as her Dad and I.

I hope that by showing her the safe way to navigate social media while she is younger, we may avoid some issues later on. Maybe not and I may be delusional but that's my thoughts at the moment.

#17 MsDemeanor

Posted 14 January 2013 - 09:53 AM

DD1 will be 13 in 5 months and I have been teaching her how to be cybersafe in preparation for Facebook which she desperately wants. I see no reason not to allow it, I have it and I would be a hypocrite to not allow her. It's a significant part of her church youth group, dance school and, according to her, life in general and I see no problem with Facebook as she has been taught how to use it responsibly. I see no value in keeping this from her as she may very well then decide to keep it from me.

Great attitude.

and also agree with this.

I would be wary of KIK as well. More so than FB actually.

I am a mother of a nearly 16 year old girl who has FB and a son who is nearly 12 who won't be able to get it until he is 13 as the rules state.

#18 TheGreenSheep

Posted 14 January 2013 - 09:58 AM

Not a parent of teens yet. However my almost 14yo nephew is on FB.

My sisters rule are that he is friends and she has his log in. Hes also friends with his aunties, uncles and great aunties. Hes a relatively naive young teen and so far he hasnt had anything for my sister to be concerned about.

#19 Floral Arrangement

Posted 14 January 2013 - 10:11 AM

Yes my first 2 dd's did have FB at 13, like other posters I knew the email/password and at that stage they used the house computer which faced into our main living area. DD1 if she deliberately blocked the screen from me (happened twice) I checked what she was looking at and gave her a "break" from the computer. I find that they talk to me and show stuff on their FB and I am friends with a lot of their friends. They have both undertaken cyber bullying programs through their then Primary schools. SAPOL(South Australian Police Force) ran/run them free at school for students/teachers/parents. I will follow the same path with my 3 younger children. They did get fb later than most of their peers.

#20 FeralRebelWClaws

Posted 14 January 2013 - 10:28 AM

QUOTE (Flylikeabutterfly @ 14/01/2013, 12:21 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Also as the pp mention, they can always create a fb account under another name and unless you are on the ball, it's hard to detect.

This is VERY true... I'm not a Mum, but I am a teacher and most of them have fake accounts and "real" accounts. They generally set them up at school (no matter how great the security at school is, the kids get around it with proxies).

I spent half my time dealing with kids whose facebook fights are spilling over into school. If it were me, I'd be teaching my child about cyber safety (they do it a million times at school, but for some of them it still doesn't sink in!) rather than refusing to let them have it. If they feel comfortable talking to you when something does happen then that is 95% of the battle.

Even as a teacher, FB is the bane of my existence! I wish they'd make it over 18! Then again they'd just find another medium to be mean to each other on.

#21 Also sprach

Posted 14 January 2013 - 03:05 PM

DD is nearly 14 and she's not on it.  She really, really wanted it about a year ago but the novelty seems to have worn off.  She'll probably ask for it again when her birthday comes around but we'll say no yet again.  She has a tumbler and Instagram account and a phone, which seems to suffice for now.  When she does get FB (I'm not naive to think it will never happen) there will be all the usual rules.

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