Jump to content

---


  • Please log in to reply
59 replies to this topic

#1 **Tiger*Feral**

Posted 13 January 2013 - 02:03 PM

---

Edited by Tyrone Finkelmeyer, 26 March 2013 - 08:17 PM.


#2 ~sydblue~

Posted 13 January 2013 - 02:08 PM

I wouldn't force her. Not everyone goes to theirs.

What state are you in?
Because all the formals I have ever known or heard of, are held late in the year. Around november early december.

#3 Apageintime

Posted 13 January 2013 - 02:08 PM

QUOTE (**Tiger*Filly** @ 13/01/2013, 03:03 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
The Yr 12 formal is in March. DD#1 is adamant she isn't going.
My first instinct is to try and convince her (not 'make' her as I can't make her do anything).
DH says to leave her be and it's up to her.
Why doesn't she want to go? She is a through and through intellectual, nerdy type who has zero interest in socialising, dressing up, dancing etc. She hasn't worn a dress or skirt apart from her school uniform in years. She has four good friends who make up her entire social set at school and has no connection with the rest of her year level.

What would you do?


I'd suss out why she doesn't want to go - if its just wearing a dress, would she wear a nice suit instead? or is it because her other firends aren't going?

I had a friend in highschool who said the same thing, turns out she thought her parents couldn't afford a dress for her.

If she doesn't want to go, she doesn't have to. Would she have her 4 besties around a few weeks later for an activity she does enjoy? (maybe a night in a really nice hotel room for all of them or somethiong?)

#4 hoohoobump

Posted 13 January 2013 - 02:09 PM

Leave it up to her. It's not like it's the last day of school and tied up to her graduation.

Give her a date to make her final decision - wouldn't want a change of heart at the 11th hour and have to scramble for dress etc.

#5 Avogadro

Posted 13 January 2013 - 02:10 PM

I'd sit down and chat with her about it.  What exactly are her concerns?  It might be that she's worried about asking you to spend $$ on a dress she'll never wear again - in which case you can discuss between you about the money (just an example).

Ask her if her other friends are going.  

But no, I wouldn't try to convince her but just make sure that she's saying "no" for legitimate reasons.

#6 BadCat

Posted 13 January 2013 - 02:11 PM

I'd leave her be.

She sounds very much like me.  I went to the formal against my better judgement because my friends wanted to go.  Hell, I even wore a dress.  oomg2.gif

It was rubbish.  I have no fond memories of it at all and wish I had stayed home.


Edited by BadCat, 13 January 2013 - 02:13 PM.


#7 Propaganda

Posted 13 January 2013 - 02:11 PM

I wouldn't make her go. If she's going to be bored and uncomfortable surrounded by people she doesn't really know or like, doing something she doesn't really enjoy, wearing clothing she would rather not be wearing, then I can't see that there'd be any benefit whatsoever.

#8 Feral Grey Mare

Posted 13 January 2013 - 02:11 PM

Why make her go and spend an excruciating evening and a load of cash pretending to be nice to a load of people she possibly doesn't like and in most cases will never have to see again?

#9 Frockme

Posted 13 January 2013 - 02:12 PM

Are her friends going? If so I'd encourage her. If not I'd also encourage her and her friends to go. Does she get on with the rest of the year? No issues?

It's not the end of the world not to go but you don't want to regret not going either. If its not her usual thing I'd suggest going even more strongly. I'll go anywhere and do most things that may seem boring or unusual to some or something that tests my comfort zone. because you just never know what you're going to get out of it. More than likely it'll have a positive outcome.  original.gif original.gif  

Hope im making sense.

#10 choccy2

Posted 13 January 2013 - 02:15 PM

Do ? I wouldn't do anything.

It's up to her - it's her formal surely she can decide for herself if she wants to go or not?

#11 Wigglemama

Posted 13 January 2013 - 02:15 PM

I wouldn't make her or pressure her to go.

She probably feels awkward about the whole thing and feels like going to the formal will make her differences from her class mates even more apparent. Maybe her friends and herself also get a bit of grief for being "nerdy" and she doesn't want to line herself up for a possible night of teasing from the popular, b**chy girls.

She may also change her mind and go, but I would let her make that decision.

#12 Soontobegran

Posted 13 January 2013 - 02:16 PM

Are her friends going? If they are then I'd probably try to encourage her to go. I can't help feel that there could be a negative backlash from the rest of the children who could be seeing her as anti social?
If she'd be going without her support group I am not sure I would try and convince her as these formal can be so excrutiatingly awful for children who have not bonded with anyone and March is so early to have been able to do that. It would be even worse for kids who don't actually do the dressing up and make up thing normally.
Our kids' school had a two day early year 12 camp pretty soon after they started to help them all mix and get to know each other and this proved pretty successful for some who were struggling with or simply not wanting to socialise.
Tough one but I understand why she'd hesitate, I guess she is old enough to know what she is comfortable doing but probably too young to understand the positives that could come from going. sad.gif


#13 ImpatientAnna

Posted 13 January 2013 - 02:16 PM

I would let her be.


It does not sound as though she is the type to enjoy that sort of thing, and school formats really are overrated.


If she is a bit nerdy, it will probably be excruciating for her.

#14 LynnyP

Posted 13 January 2013 - 02:17 PM

I didn't make my son go.  He had (by that stage) no issues with the rest of his year but he really didn't enjoy big parties.  He and his friends had a games night at one of their houses (it might even have been my house!).

From what I have seen of these parties and what I remember from my son's (mine are so long ago to be irrelevant) I wouldn't expect it would be something she would enjoy at all and may even be something she would look back on with uncomfortable memories as yet another example of not fitting the typical successful high school stereotype.

I'd have a good chat to her though, ask her if her friends are going, if she wants to do an alternative, if she wants to go for some of it, if she wants to go to a pre-party only etc.

#15 namie

Posted 13 January 2013 - 02:18 PM

Everyone has made great suggestions which I can't add to but...

If you're 100% sure that she doesn't want to go and won't regret it, could she and her 4 good friends do something else together instead? Not the night of, if the others want to go, but could you put the cost of a dress or suit towards a fun night out doing something else? Staying in a hotel or seeing a gold class movie or something else exciting?

#16 **Tiger*Feral**

Posted 13 January 2013 - 02:22 PM

----

Edited by Tyrone Finkelmeyer, 26 March 2013 - 08:17 PM.


#17 Maple Leaf

Posted 13 January 2013 - 02:23 PM

Her formal, her choice. If she is forced she will definitely hate it and have zero happy memories of it anyway!


#18 StopTheGoats

Posted 13 January 2013 - 02:28 PM

What's your gut feel? Sometimes kids, particularly shy kids, need a bit of a nudge and a bit of reassurance. Even if she sticks with her immediate group it will be a nice evening out with her 4 friends. I wouldn't force the issue but I'd perhaps lubricate things as much as possible so when she finally does make the decision it will be based on her comfort level, not the circumstances.

I was only at my school for the final year so I wasn't popular. My school was huge and had the usual groups. However the formal was a really nice night when the walls between the groups broke down and I remember it fondly as a bit of a rite of passage, despite the fact I don't speak to anyone from that school anymore. This was 14 years ago when school formals were a bit less of a production though.

Edited by JuniorSpies, 13 January 2013 - 02:42 PM.


#19 librablonde

Posted 13 January 2013 - 02:33 PM

I didn't go to my Yr 12 formal and didn't really care. Well, actually, I cared for about 5 minutes simply b/c I wanted to see all the shenanigans that went on with everyone else, but otherwise I got through my life quite happily without it.

#20 casime

Posted 13 January 2013 - 02:35 PM

I wasn't going to go to my formal.  Not many close friends in my year level, and no boyfriend to take along.  My mother made me buy a couple of tickets anyway and said I could make up my mind closer to the time.   I only decided the night before when one of the guys from the dance studio offered to go along with me.  A few other girls were taking some of the other guys from the studio as well, so I agreed.  It was kindof fun, mainly because we could all dance so spent the night on the dance floor, but we did all leave as soon as they let us and ended up in a coffee shop in town instead.  It ended up being a fun night, but I don't look back on it as the "greatest night of my young life" or anything like that.  I could live with it if I hadn't gone.

Maybe suggest she buys the tickets (if money isn't a huge deal) and makes up her mind closer to the time.  When every single person in your grade spends the weeks leading up to it talking about nothing but the formal, she might decide that she wants to go, and it would be a shame not to have the tickets.  Does she have a friend that would go along with her that would make it a fun night out?

#21 mumofsky

Posted 13 January 2013 - 02:35 PM

it sounds to me like she would feel really uncomfortable, awkward and nervous. for the popular, athletic kids these are a great chance to just dress up and feel confident and have fun. if youre a shy, unpopular kid they can just be an excrutiating experience.

#22 SplashingRainbows

Posted 13 January 2013 - 02:36 PM

I did go to mine and most definitely regret it. It was an excruciating evening. Mind you we had all actually finished year 12, and the HSC. I don't think I've seen more than half a dozen of my class mates since. I may have felt differently if there was still a whole year to go.

Edited by brighton14, 23 January 2013 - 07:33 PM.


#23 Holidayromp

Posted 13 January 2013 - 02:49 PM

Don't force her.  I never went to mine.  I couldn't imagine spending time at a formal with people I didn't really like anyway and normally never associated with at school.  Few of my friends went.  I didn't see the point of spending all the money to go to something I would not enjoy.

#24 Libster

Posted 13 January 2013 - 02:57 PM

No I wouldn't try to convince her to go. My parents tried to guilt me into going to the debutante ball at my school and I just didn't want to go. I don't regret not going at all.

#25 toosenuf

Posted 13 January 2013 - 03:06 PM

No not at all.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

A mum's tragic battle against inflammatory breast cancer

At just 37 years of age, with two young sons, Vicki was diagnosed with inflammatory breast cancer. Now her family wants all women to know the symptoms.

The business of babies around the world

Pregnancy and birth is an intriguing process no matter where you are in the world. One soon-to-be father gleans wisdom from a new guide.

Finding a positive path through IVF

It’s not surprising that IVF is often seen as a negative journey towards the ultimate positive, but having a glass-half-full approach can make a big difference to the experience.

Giving strangers the gift of parenthood

A mum explains why she and her husband are choosing to gift their leftover embryos to help strangers achieve their dream of parenthood.

Does morning sickness get better or worse with each child?

Just as every baby is unique, so is every pregnancy. And that means morning sickness can vary a lot, too.

What's so wrong with looking 'mumsy', anyway?

Why is it that the word ‘mumsy’ has connotations of such a negative nature – but seems to be the only other option apart from ‘yummy’?

Trying to speed up the inevitable

As the waiting game of late pregnancy continues, this mum considers a few things that might hurry things up a little.

One month later: where is William Tyrell?

It has been a little over a month since William Tyrell disappeared from his grandmother's home, 33 long sleepless nights for his family as they mourn the absence of their cheeky young boy.

Winter's child less likely to be moody: study

Babies born in the summer are much more likely to suffer from mood swings when they grow up, while those born in the winter are less likely to become irritable adults, scientists claim.

Single mum of two creates award-winning baby app

Suddenly single with a baby and an 11-year-old son, Tara O?Connell developed an app to improve the lives of mothers who were similarly overwhelmed.

Food for thought: looking after yourself as a new mum

As soon as your baby enters the world, everything else takes a back seat - even the necessities of daily life such as eating are severely compromised, right when you need energy the most.

'Grabbable guts' campaign aims to cut toxic fat

The Live Lighter campaign will take people inside the human body to show the internal dangers of being overweight.

The best and worst month of my life

A new mum's first month of motherhood didn't pan out as expected when she lost a family member weeks after her baby's birth.

Facebook and Apple offer to pay female staff to freeze their eggs

Facebook and Apple are hoping to provide women with the freedom to build their careers without the added pressure of having children at or by a certain age.

How a pregnancy contract could work for you and your partner

The idea of making a 'pregnancy contract' with your partner may sound a bit silly at first, but it can help make the transition to parenthood a lot smoother.

Finding a mum-friendly personal trainer

Burping babies vs burpees – yes, new mums and personal trainers live in different worlds. But they can work together - once you find the right match for you and your lifestyle.

Alleged baby snatch incident a ?misunderstanding?, say police

Police say that an incident in which a man pulled on a woman?s pram while walking a popular Sydney route late last month was a misunderstanding.

Ebola killed my aunt and is shutting down my country

Three weeks ago, my auntie, a midwife, developed a fever. Sitting here in Sydney basked in Australian sunshine, that shouldn't be big news.

The night my ovary burst

One mum shares her frightening experience and vows to never take her health for granted again.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Win 1 of 5 Canon Powershot D30 cameras

Capture life more easily with the Canon Powershot D30. Shockproof, waterproof and dustproof, you can take it almost anywhere and shoot beautiful images, time after time. Enter now!

16 parenting truths you won't find in the baby books

I am five years into this parenting gig and I’ve learnt that sleepless nights and changing dirty nappies are child’s play.

Best and worst potty party cakes

It's nice to celebrate a child making the shift from nappies to 'big kid' undies, but do we really need a semi-realistic used toilet cake to do it? Here are some of the best and worst cakes parents have used at 'potty parties' around the world.

7 tips for a financially festive Christmas

Plan ahead - and do it now - to ensure festive season expenses don't break the bank.

'Go the F*** to Sleep' author's new book for frustrated parents

A sequel is coming soon to the 2011 hit book 'Go the F*** to Sleep' - and this time, it's about mealtimes.

Great birthday party buys from Etsy

Handmade crafts to decorate and personalise your child's next birthday - from banners to cake decorations, we've got gorgeous party finds from Etsy.

Creative storage ideas for the kids' rooms

Creative and practical storage ideas for the kids' toys and books can also add some stylish decor to your home. Visit babyology.com.au for more stylish modern finds for hip kids & parents.

The 'yucky' illness that took over my life

I have a chronic illness nobody likes to discuss, as it involves toilet talk. But it needs to be talked about.

To the mum in the doctor's waiting room

Maybe the mum I saw in that waiting room, seemingly disconnected from her baby, doesn’t have the support she needs.

10 space-saving nursery ideas

Starting a family doesn't always mean moving into a bigger house - not yet, anyway.

 

What's in a name?

Baby Names

Looking for a classic name, or an unusual name? Our Baby Name Finder is for you, search or browse to refine your shortlist.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.