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Toilet Training Woes - Me Vs DH

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#1 Gone-Country

Posted 13 January 2013 - 08:06 AM

I'm turning to EB for help.

DS will be 3 on Friday. He is my 3rd child and is such a different child than my girls were at his age. He is so head strong and stubborn (like his father mother!).

My MIL and DH are adamant that he is ready to toilet train. I've had a lot of people asking me if he is TT given his age. I offer the potty and the toilet. Sometimes he will sit, most of the time he yells that he doesn't want to. We have recently done a few days of him in undies but he just wets them.  He doesn't really care.

I don't know if I should keep pushing it, he is getting angry and upset at being asked all the time 'do you need to go to the toilet' and ends up either in tears of screaming at us, which in turn is making the whole toilet training thing an unpleasurable thing for us all.

So, mothers of boys, do I keep pushing? Or do I wait another month and try again?

He CAN go on the potty or toilet, he has done, but he never asks to.

Any help and tips MUCH appreciated.


#2 ~ppp~

Posted 13 January 2013 - 08:17 AM


Edited by knowsnotmuch, 01 March 2013 - 04:22 PM.

#3 *mylittleprince*

Posted 13 January 2013 - 08:17 AM

At 3 I would definately start training but you need to be consistent. Can't sometimes offer it and othertimes not. Decide when you are both ready and do it. Take away all nappies (maybe keep the night one) and talk about being a big boy, wearing big boy undies like daddy, etc. Good luck!

#4 melaine

Posted 13 January 2013 - 08:21 AM

I had a very stubborn boy who I knew COULD wee and poo on the toilet (had done so) but just refused to even sit down on the toilet or potty.

Finding his currency worked for him. Once  I managed to get him to sit he got a reward for sitting, we quickly moved to reward for doing a wee, then because he wouldn't ask to go I switched the rewards to only if he asked to go and did a wee.

Anyway, he was the same age as your boy and being persistent paid off. He got it quite quickly once we got past the stubbornness!

#5 Frau Farbissina

Posted 13 January 2013 - 08:23 AM

DS2 has just turned 3. He's still in nappies. I offer the potty and the toilet. Sometimes he willingly sits but nothing happens. I am about to try undies and see how he goes. I guess you keep trying for as long as you feel like you have some sort of willingness from the child. If it starts causing upsets and so on, I'd drop it for a few weeks and try again later.

With DS 1, he was still 2 when we started toilet training. I got DH to show him how to wee on a tree and boy that was exciting! He was a bit more interested in the whole thing than DS2 is. He also prefered to stand (on a step) and wee than sit. A sticker chart helped (must get on to that for DS2) Once he'd filled up a row (I think it was 8 or 10 stickers) he'd get a little surprise. Once the whole sheet filled up he got something bigger (I think at the time it was a ride with me on the bus). From memory, it didn't seem to take too long (Like a month or 2 , not a week). Now getting number 2's on the toilet took a lot longer, and a large bribe (Big garbage truck) was the carrot we dangled to entice him to do it. It took a long time though. I think by the time he was about 3 and a half he finally got it.

As you probably already know having TT'd your other kids, lots of praise, never get angry about accidents and back off  for a few weeks when it all gets too much. I have heard that boys take longer than girls to TT but I don't know if this is really the case or not.
Good luck!

#6 Soontobegran

Posted 13 January 2013 - 08:33 AM

I think your parents and DH need to respect the fact that your son is not the same as your DD's. He will train when he is ready and not just because they think he should be.
If he knows where the potty is and what it is for then he will get it in his time. I think you risk causing more issues by constantly asking and nagging him if he wants the potty. If he is getting upset then I think you need to back off and try again later.
He is still young in terms of TTing.
Good luck

#7 mumandboys

Posted 13 January 2013 - 09:28 AM

I agree with STBG, although I do understand that there seems to be a stigma attached to having a 3 year old who is still in nappies.

My third by TT'd in a couple of weeks, when he was 3yrs 8months.  Prior to that, he just didn't want to (and has a stubborn streak so any pushing just resulted in anger/frustration).

Before we went to undies, I would just sit him on the toilet every day before bath, and then I would ask him when changing the first nappy of the day, if he'd like to go and do a wee on the toilet.  He always said "no" to that, and I always said "ok".  We did that every single day for about 6 months, and then finally one day, he said yes.  And I took that as a green light - it was only a couple of weeks from there and he was fully TT.

It's different for every child, and I think the best thing you can do is let them lead.  Remind yourself that it's quite a challenge, for them to switch from going whenever and wherever they want, to having to get to the toilet and get their clothes off before anything starts.  

My DS4 is 2.5, and not really interested in TT yet, although I know he has the knowledge.  He'll do wee and sometimes poo before bath every day, but that's about it.  Every now and then we put him in undies of a morning, he always wets them but doesn't get upset.  I just give him a nappy and then we try again a week later.

I suspect his daycare will put pressure on me this year to train him, but I'm going to wait for his cues, and everyone who doesn't like it can just deal with it original.gif

Good luck OP!

#8 namie

Posted 13 January 2013 - 11:37 AM

We're in the process of toilet training DS1 now and it's going well I think. He's 3.3yrs and was ready for big boy undies. It has helped that since the holidays a lot of his friends at daycare are now wearing 'big boy undies' rather than nappy pants and they go together.

He's been wearing undies every day now for about 2.5 weeks and generally remembers to go on his own. The first few days there were a few puddles but he'd often run to the loo after discovering one and found he still had more to do. Now there are no puddles, thank goodness!

He's having issues with poos and gets quite upset when he goes in his undies as he wees at the same time, but he just can't fathom sitting on the toilet yet. I think I may need to start the reward system - just need to work out his 'currency'!

I found that putting the responsibility on him worked better than me reminding him. So, instead of asking 'Do you need to go?' which got him all defensive, I'd just say a light-hearted 'Don't forget to do a wee when you need to'. It also helped to remind him that sometimes his penis could be full of wee (something he said the first time he recognised he needed to go, lol!) and that he needed to empty the wee every so often.

#9 Chelara

Posted 13 January 2013 - 11:45 AM

We had a stubborn girl who could but just didnt want to toilet train. What helped for us was #1 just not buying any more nappies (we did a pull up at night)  we told her we weren't buying any more.

#2 going out in those first few days, ie restaurants and shopping. She liked to use shopping centre toilets (especially the kids ones) and did not like to wet her pants in public.

#3 talking about her friends who were toilet trained. She asked them herself about going to the toilet and that seemed to be the last push she needed,

Good luck, we tried and failed a lot of times (probably due to inconsistency) and once we'd all decided there'd be no more nappies it clicked.

#10 *lightning

Posted 13 January 2013 - 12:01 PM

If he's getting angry and crying, give it a break. He's only 3 and just because your DH thinks he should be TT doesn't mean he's ready.

My DS1 wasn't TT until 4 but my DD was 3 and she trained quickly.

It's not a compitition and your child shouldn't be pressured into TT. I found that one m&m after DS1 went to the toilet encouraged him and quickly changed this to thumbs up.

#11 Gone-Country

Posted 13 January 2013 - 06:21 PM

Thank you so much everyone. It's hard given I've done this twice before, but both girls trained quite easily. It's just my delightfully headstrong son that is digging in his heels.

I've taken a lot away from all your replies and am grateful for everyone that replied.  We will persevere with the suggesting and asking, but not pushing and certainly not forcing. I would like to wave goodbye to nappies by winter. We will see.

Thank you again!  It's ever so much appreciated.


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