Jump to content

Toilet Training Woes - Me Vs DH


  • Please log in to reply
10 replies to this topic

#1 Gone-Country

Posted 13 January 2013 - 08:06 AM

I'm turning to EB for help.

DS will be 3 on Friday. He is my 3rd child and is such a different child than my girls were at his age. He is so head strong and stubborn (like his father mother!).

My MIL and DH are adamant that he is ready to toilet train. I've had a lot of people asking me if he is TT given his age. I offer the potty and the toilet. Sometimes he will sit, most of the time he yells that he doesn't want to. We have recently done a few days of him in undies but he just wets them.  He doesn't really care.

I don't know if I should keep pushing it, he is getting angry and upset at being asked all the time 'do you need to go to the toilet' and ends up either in tears of screaming at us, which in turn is making the whole toilet training thing an unpleasurable thing for us all.

So, mothers of boys, do I keep pushing? Or do I wait another month and try again?

He CAN go on the potty or toilet, he has done, but he never asks to.

Any help and tips MUCH appreciated.

Thanks.

#2 ~ppp~

Posted 13 January 2013 - 08:17 AM

-

Edited by knowsnotmuch, 01 March 2013 - 04:22 PM.


#3 *mylittleprince*

Posted 13 January 2013 - 08:17 AM

At 3 I would definately start training but you need to be consistent. Can't sometimes offer it and othertimes not. Decide when you are both ready and do it. Take away all nappies (maybe keep the night one) and talk about being a big boy, wearing big boy undies like daddy, etc. Good luck!

#4 melaine

Posted 13 January 2013 - 08:21 AM

I had a very stubborn boy who I knew COULD wee and poo on the toilet (had done so) but just refused to even sit down on the toilet or potty.

Finding his currency worked for him. Once  I managed to get him to sit he got a reward for sitting, we quickly moved to reward for doing a wee, then because he wouldn't ask to go I switched the rewards to only if he asked to go and did a wee.

Anyway, he was the same age as your boy and being persistent paid off. He got it quite quickly once we got past the stubbornness!

#5 Frau Farbissina

Posted 13 January 2013 - 08:23 AM

DS2 has just turned 3. He's still in nappies. I offer the potty and the toilet. Sometimes he willingly sits but nothing happens. I am about to try undies and see how he goes. I guess you keep trying for as long as you feel like you have some sort of willingness from the child. If it starts causing upsets and so on, I'd drop it for a few weeks and try again later.

With DS 1, he was still 2 when we started toilet training. I got DH to show him how to wee on a tree and boy that was exciting! He was a bit more interested in the whole thing than DS2 is. He also prefered to stand (on a step) and wee than sit. A sticker chart helped (must get on to that for DS2) Once he'd filled up a row (I think it was 8 or 10 stickers) he'd get a little surprise. Once the whole sheet filled up he got something bigger (I think at the time it was a ride with me on the bus). From memory, it didn't seem to take too long (Like a month or 2 , not a week). Now getting number 2's on the toilet took a lot longer, and a large bribe (Big garbage truck) was the carrot we dangled to entice him to do it. It took a long time though. I think by the time he was about 3 and a half he finally got it.


As you probably already know having TT'd your other kids, lots of praise, never get angry about accidents and back off  for a few weeks when it all gets too much. I have heard that boys take longer than girls to TT but I don't know if this is really the case or not.
Good luck!

#6 Soontobegran

Posted 13 January 2013 - 08:33 AM

I think your parents and DH need to respect the fact that your son is not the same as your DD's. He will train when he is ready and not just because they think he should be.
If he knows where the potty is and what it is for then he will get it in his time. I think you risk causing more issues by constantly asking and nagging him if he wants the potty. If he is getting upset then I think you need to back off and try again later.
He is still young in terms of TTing.
Good luck

#7 mumandboys

Posted 13 January 2013 - 09:28 AM

I agree with STBG, although I do understand that there seems to be a stigma attached to having a 3 year old who is still in nappies.

My third by TT'd in a couple of weeks, when he was 3yrs 8months.  Prior to that, he just didn't want to (and has a stubborn streak so any pushing just resulted in anger/frustration).

Before we went to undies, I would just sit him on the toilet every day before bath, and then I would ask him when changing the first nappy of the day, if he'd like to go and do a wee on the toilet.  He always said "no" to that, and I always said "ok".  We did that every single day for about 6 months, and then finally one day, he said yes.  And I took that as a green light - it was only a couple of weeks from there and he was fully TT.

It's different for every child, and I think the best thing you can do is let them lead.  Remind yourself that it's quite a challenge, for them to switch from going whenever and wherever they want, to having to get to the toilet and get their clothes off before anything starts.  

My DS4 is 2.5, and not really interested in TT yet, although I know he has the knowledge.  He'll do wee and sometimes poo before bath every day, but that's about it.  Every now and then we put him in undies of a morning, he always wets them but doesn't get upset.  I just give him a nappy and then we try again a week later.

I suspect his daycare will put pressure on me this year to train him, but I'm going to wait for his cues, and everyone who doesn't like it can just deal with it original.gif

Good luck OP!

#8 namie

Posted 13 January 2013 - 11:37 AM

We're in the process of toilet training DS1 now and it's going well I think. He's 3.3yrs and was ready for big boy undies. It has helped that since the holidays a lot of his friends at daycare are now wearing 'big boy undies' rather than nappy pants and they go together.

He's been wearing undies every day now for about 2.5 weeks and generally remembers to go on his own. The first few days there were a few puddles but he'd often run to the loo after discovering one and found he still had more to do. Now there are no puddles, thank goodness!

He's having issues with poos and gets quite upset when he goes in his undies as he wees at the same time, but he just can't fathom sitting on the toilet yet. I think I may need to start the reward system - just need to work out his 'currency'!

I found that putting the responsibility on him worked better than me reminding him. So, instead of asking 'Do you need to go?' which got him all defensive, I'd just say a light-hearted 'Don't forget to do a wee when you need to'. It also helped to remind him that sometimes his penis could be full of wee (something he said the first time he recognised he needed to go, lol!) and that he needed to empty the wee every so often.

#9 Chelara

Posted 13 January 2013 - 11:45 AM

We had a stubborn girl who could but just didnt want to toilet train. What helped for us was #1 just not buying any more nappies (we did a pull up at night)  we told her we weren't buying any more.

#2 going out in those first few days, ie restaurants and shopping. She liked to use shopping centre toilets (especially the kids ones) and did not like to wet her pants in public.

#3 talking about her friends who were toilet trained. She asked them herself about going to the toilet and that seemed to be the last push she needed,

Good luck, we tried and failed a lot of times (probably due to inconsistency) and once we'd all decided there'd be no more nappies it clicked.

#10 *lightning

Posted 13 January 2013 - 12:01 PM

If he's getting angry and crying, give it a break. He's only 3 and just because your DH thinks he should be TT doesn't mean he's ready.

My DS1 wasn't TT until 4 but my DD was 3 and she trained quickly.

It's not a compitition and your child shouldn't be pressured into TT. I found that one m&m after DS1 went to the toilet encouraged him and quickly changed this to thumbs up.

#11 Gone-Country

Posted 13 January 2013 - 06:21 PM

Thank you so much everyone. It's hard given I've done this twice before, but both girls trained quite easily. It's just my delightfully headstrong son that is digging in his heels.

I've taken a lot away from all your replies and am grateful for everyone that replied.  We will persevere with the suggesting and asking, but not pushing and certainly not forcing. I would like to wave goodbye to nappies by winter. We will see.

Thank you again!  It's ever so much appreciated.

Lisa




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Five ways my second pregnancy is second best

As I roll into the second half of "Pregnancy: The Sequel", here is breakdown of the differences I have found thus far.

Domestic politics

Why I felt guilty about having a cleaner

Coming home to a clean house was a pleasure – and yet, I felt uneasy.

'Ugly' hearing aid ad leaves parents fuming

When Alecia Donoghue found out her baby would need hearing aids she worried about him becoming the target for schoolyard bullies.

Have you seen these missing children?

The Australian Federal Police has released the following information to locate some of Australia's missing children through the Family Law Court.

Margarita time

Keira Knightley welcomes first child

British actress Keira Knightley has become a first-time mother.

IVF patients in the dark over which clinics are least successful

Couples with fertility problems have little way of knowing which IVF clinics are the best performers despite significant differences between clinic success rates.

Couple forced to defend their decision to become parents

They met, fell in love and got married. Then, just like couples everywhere, Simon and Vicky Moore decided it was time to have a baby.

The one parenting tip that made all the difference

Amongst the useless, ill-informed advice we're given as new parents, many of us also receive nuggets of wisdom that make our lives just that little bit easier.

Five lies you tell yourself when you're pregnant

You can see it all now: glowing mumma with her gorgeous babe ... you know exactly what you're going to be like. Or perhaps you know exactly what you're not going to be like.

Family expecting fourth set of twins

A couple is expecting their fourth set of twins in five years.

The day my daughter almost drowned

We had six adults standing there, so I felt like I could relax a bit. After all, what could go wrong with so much supervision?

Sydney siege survivor names baby after victim Katrina Dawson

A Sydney barrister who survived the Lindt cafe siege has named her newborn daughter after her best friend who died in the tragedy.

The universal working mother experience

These days mothers need more than just traditional career advice.

Obama feels full force of toddler tantrum

Shopping centres, restaurants, the White House ... the list of places toddlers like to throw tantrums is endless.

Banishing bloat

How to avoid a bloated tummy

Here are some foods to eat in order to escape feeling ghastly and gassy.

The great new picture book for anxious kids

My son is a worrier by nature. I learnt long ago that it was completely pointless to say to him "Don't worry about it!".

Budget stripped more than $15b from families

The combined impact of the two budgets for low and middle income people was "devastating", new analysis by the Australian Council of Social Service shows.

Pregnant women urged to get flu shots

As the winter chill starts to arrive, NSW Health is urging pregnant women to get their flu shots.

65-year-old gives birth to quadruplets

A 65-year-old German woman, who already has 13 children, has given birth to quadruplets.

What you need to know about pregnancy and health insurance

It's not just waiting periods that couples need to consider - there are other factors to consider when thinking about health insurance.

Yummy mummy

Nicole Trunfio breastfeeds baby on Elle magazine cover

Australian model Nicole Trunfio has taken the concept of multitasking to a fashionable new level for Elle Australia.

Warnings after baby girl died while sleeping in bouncer

Parents have been warned about the dangers of letting babies sleep in bouncers and swings following the death of a three-month-old girl.

Coping with fatigue as a parent

Sleep deprivation is a real hazard of caring for a baby. But there are ways to manage the challenges of fatigue better.

A very 21st century issue: parents, parks and smart phones

It's not all the parents, and it's not all the time, but there is often at least one doing it. And sometimes, that 'one' is me.

Appliances

Faulty washing machines linked to house fires

More than 80,000 faulty Samsung washing machines pose a fire threat in homes throughout Australia despite a nationwide recall of the machines.

7 things you might not know about postnatal depression

Despite its widespread nature, there is still a great amount of mystery surrounding PND - and it's important to try unravelling as much of that as we can.

Seven questions you should be asking about your health cover

If the last time you assessed your health cover was five years ago, there?s a chance it may no longer suit your needs. To ensure it?s still right for your family, click here for seven questions to ask.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

How to use gas effectively in labour

Many women in labour don't use gas effectively and suffer more side effects than benefits. Here's how to get the most out of this pain relief option.

'He has gastro but that's okay, right?': sick kid etiquette

We cannot place all children who are sick in a bubble till they recover, but we can give other parents a choice about exposing their kids to them.

Welcome to Winter

Now that the colder months are here, Essential Baby as all the information you need for staying healthy and happy during the chilly season.

Ada Nicodemou: 'I can never be completely happy again'

Home and Away actress Ada Nicodemou has opened up about the loss of her stillborn baby.

10 things to consider when you're thinking about trying for a baby

Before you start tracking your menstrual cycle and reading up on the best positions to get pregnant, there are a few other things you may want to consider.

How special surgery and IVF can create a post-vasectomy baby

Cricket legend Glenn McGrath and his second wife Sara are expecting their first child together, thanks to IVF and a delicate surgical sperm retrieval process that helped the couple to conceive.

Belle Gibson's mother 'disgusted and embarrassed'

The mother of disgraced wellness blogger Belle Gibson has accused her daughter of lying about her childhood in an attempt to garner public sympathy.

Doctor's mobile phone 'left inside c-section mum'

A new mum claims a doctor left his mobile phone inside her after delivering her baby via caesarean section.

I'm a mum and I'm following my dreams

I want my kids to know that no matter what happens in life, you can still be who it is that you've always wanted to be.

Those first daycare days

I had this innate 'mum' moment the other day.

'If one person had listened, my life would have been so different'

Katherine's father will die in prison for the horrifying sexual abuse of his daughter. Yet she is the one with the true life sentence.

This new plan undermines breastfeeding and baby health at everyone's expense

Mothers, babies, the health system and the wider society are going to pay the price of this new budget.

Couple to celebrate terminally ill baby's birthday in unique way

Baby Jai Bishop has lived at Starship Hospital for the past seven months, with his parents flying back and forth from Hokitika, 1100km away, to be by his side.

Life On Mars

It's men who need 'retraining', not women

We are all responsible for our own behaviour. Telling victims to harden up is wrong.

Baby Gammy's dad tries to claim charity money

The biological father of baby Gammy has reportedly tried to access charity money raised for the little boy's medical costs.

Where are the childcare places?

It?s all very well to encourage women to work if they choose to, but how can the measures lead to increased workforce participation when women are once again left holding the baby?

The pain of not having babies and not knowing why

After seven years of wishing, hoping, crying, punching pillows and shouting "why me?!", the end result is more than I ever thought possible.

Getting your family finances in order

Whether you're after a new car for a growing family, a bigger house, or are just fixing up your finances, here are the basics on borrowing.

Mum shares graphic selfie to warn against tanning

A mum has shared a graphic photo of her skin cancer treatment as a warning to others.

Does parenthood make us happier?

We can certainly gain higher levels of happiness when we become parents, but the trick is to not get overwhelmed by the pressures of raising our kids.

No, having a dog is not like having a human child

It's obvious these people dote on their pets, but they're barking up the wrong tree.

 

Top baby names

Baby Names

The numbers are in and we can now bring you the 2014 top baby name list for Australia.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.