Jump to content

When to tell parents/in laws when you're in labour?


  • Please log in to reply
84 replies to this topic

#1 purpleblaze

Posted 13 January 2013 - 12:16 AM

I know this might be a bit of a strange question, and those who have gone through labour might be in a better position to advise.  When do you notify parents/in laws that you're in labour?  On the way to the hospital?  Sometime during (assuming a long labour) After you've given birth?

I know my parents/in laws would want to know as soon as we're on our way to the hospital but the thought of them being in the waiting room whilst I'm giving birth is a bit too close for comfort for me.  However if I wait until after the birth I wonder if they would be disappointed they didn't know earlier (obviously the arrival of a baby would outweigh any "disappointment" of not knowing I was in labour).  

I've told hubby there are a lot of variables (time of day, how I'm feeling etc) so we'll just play it by ear.

Any advice on this?

#2 niggles

Posted 13 January 2013 - 12:26 AM

On both occasions I've talked to my mum and mum-in-law quite regularly in the lead to my due date so they've had a good idea where I was at. When I was fairly sure things were moving along they've called later in the evening, or I've called them (can't really remember), and been given updates that we'd probably be heading to the hospital that night. I've never bothered to make 'the' phone call so to speak until after the baby is born.

I think people think about this a lot with their first -should we tell, who and when and how - but with the second or subsequent you've got childcare to arrange then and in the following days and so it's all a bit more open and easy going -tell whoever, whenever. That's just my experience.

#3 niggles

Posted 13 January 2013 - 12:28 AM

I'd also add nobody would ever presume to visit us until we are ready. This is always discussed after the baby is born so there is no worries about people showing up in the waiting room!

#4 Taffyk

Posted 13 January 2013 - 12:33 AM

My parents and the in-laws live several hours away so we knew that we had to give them the heads up.

I went into labour in the middle of the night.  Once we knew things were kicking along and it was a reasonable hour to call, we let them know.

My MIL came after work and hung out in the waiting room.  She stayed for almost 15 hours before DD was born.  I made them take DD to meet her after the checks were done (I was in recovery).

#5 nothing123

Posted 13 January 2013 - 12:37 AM

My in laws were notified sometime during the morning as they were due to drive back home (interstate) having waited a few weeks for it all to happen.  So they needed to know so they didn't get in the car and go.  They were notified by text at some point by my OH. Otherwise NOBODY would have known.  I didn't even call my own Mother until 6 hours afterwards and I was in my room and settled, fed, showered etc.  I wanted nobody in the waiting room and my In-laws to their credit actually stayed away until that evening as well.

It's really up to you and the relationship you have with the people around you and whether you want people to know or not.  If you don't want the pressure/possible phone calls of "has she had it yet" then I suggest you tell nobody until after you've given birth.  It's your body, your baby and your process, you aren't obligated to tell the world!

Edited by nothing123, 13 January 2013 - 12:39 AM.


#6 *Mumma-to-A*

Posted 13 January 2013 - 12:59 AM

With ds we rang on the way to hospital and then they both mil and fil came when I went for the csection.

With dd This time I rang mil in the afternoon and gave her an update that my waters had broken, I was admitted to hospital but waiting for labour to start. First to ring the next morning after dd was born and she left work early and came in the afternoon. I wouldn't have announced the birth until she knew first. Fil is now in a home and didn't meet dd until 6 weeks old.

Mum was my support person each labour and drove me to the hospital and dad and sister were both in waiting room each time kids were born.

#7 iwanttosleepin

Posted 13 January 2013 - 01:02 AM

For me....after the baby is born!
Unless you need one of them to babysit the older sibling/s....

#8 beabea

Posted 13 January 2013 - 01:02 AM

I would say... when you need them to come babysit an older child. I can't remember saying anything to anyone for any other reason (apart from my husband and healthcare providers, of course).

I did have a bit of help getting started both times, so I guess they knew that things would be moving along soonish and they just assumed we'd let them know when they needed to be told (after the birth, save for the babysitting thing the second time). Nobody seemed to expect any different. The excitement of the new baby tends to be more of a focus than anything else.

#9 Covert

Posted 13 January 2013 - 01:11 AM

QUOTE (iwanttosleepin @ 12/01/2013, 11:02 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
For me....after the baby is born!
Unless you need one of them to babysit the older sibling/s....


This.

#10 MoonPie

Posted 13 January 2013 - 01:17 AM

About 6 hours after the baby is born original.gif

#11 Feral Grey Mare

Posted 13 January 2013 - 01:27 AM

With DD we rang after the event. My parents live interstate so they drove up the following day. With DS, who was 12 days o'due and a last minute elective c/s, they were here ready to look after DD.

#12 Majeix

Posted 13 January 2013 - 01:49 AM

With our first we told them when I was in labour they came and waited at the hospital (admitedly they weren't hte only one) but for along time after I had to endure comments like they heard screaming and went oh thats 'Majeix' etc. I don't think it was tbh but hell even if it was seriously shut up!  I don't think they meant anything by it but that really made me unfomfortable/upset me. With our second we told them afterwards. They were going to mind our first but as it was the middle of the night instead of waking them my brother came over (he lived just up the road) and  he came round and watched movies with me for awhile before we headed off anyway...

#13 beaglebaby

Posted 13 January 2013 - 02:48 AM

After the baby is born!  You really don't want the pressure of having people waiting and for your DH to have to race out and give them the news.  You also want full control over when they visit, it's much easier to control if they don't know!

However with no.2 my Mum was staying with us from interstate so she could look after DS1.

With no.3 we had to call the inlaws to come over and look after DS1 and DD - MIL wanted to chat - ahh no, I really do have to go to the hospital now!

#14 TinyTeddys

Posted 13 January 2013 - 03:18 AM

DS1 - when they decided to induce me
DS2 - when they decided to induce me
DS3- IL's (when I went into labour as they had to mind kids)...
        and in the am when it was a decent time to call (8am ish)

#15 Castrophic

Posted 13 January 2013 - 03:26 AM

I didn't until afterwards however I did switch off my mobile which was a dead giveaway. When I turned it on I had a voicemail from mum wondering whether it may be that time!

If you are concerned they will come to the hospital then don't tell them as you don't really want to think about anything but yourself at this point. If you have spoken to them and they are happy to wait until you call again then tell them. Maybe just work out some ground rules if you do want to tell them.

#16 missy78

Posted 13 January 2013 - 04:48 AM

Ideally, after the baby is born, unless you want them there ( or require babysitting for an elder child!). In my case, it didn't work out since MIL had planned a visit and I got scheduled to be induced the same day. She got banned from being there though - I had to ring up and have done terse words with her about it.

#17 AnnBB

Posted 13 January 2013 - 06:01 AM

After the baby is born! With DD I was going to be induced just before my due date. The parents and in laws knew that, so they were suspicious it was going to be on the Friday before my due date ( which it was). I loved that it was a surprise for them. My sister was obsessed with finding out when I was going to deliver. She too thought it would be the Friday and even called the maternity ward at the hospital to see if I was there. rolleyes.gif I wasn't there of course because I was in the delivery suite......it was great that she did that as when DH called her to tell her that her niece was here she was not expecting the news.

#18 Natttmumm

Posted 13 January 2013 - 06:14 AM

I rang my mum as soon as I knew with number 1 as she was going to be at the birth. DH told the inlaws and said he would keep them posted. I didn't want them there but of course they turned up and waited noses pressed at the labour ward and somehow got in 2 minutes after bub was born - i was still in the delivery suite and not impressed. I really annoyed and angry but let it go as it was a lovely time for us and I didn't want it ruined.
Second time everyone knew as I was in hospital for a week. Inlaws were asked to babysit so mum could come to the hospital. Inlaws stayed away until the following morning (although it was 7 am the next day)
Number 3 is due in a month and we plan to do the same again. In laws can babysit and we will have mum at the hospital.
If you don't want them waiting and you can't trust them to stay at home then tell then once the bub is born. If you don't mind either way then I would tell them when you go to the hospital

#19 Natttmumm

Posted 13 January 2013 - 06:16 AM

I also forgot to add that. With number 1 it took so long DH felt bad they were waiting and went to have lunch with them in the cafe at. The hospital and right when he did that things sped up and he didn't answer his phone and he nearly missed the birth. You can imagine I was not happy.

#20 Diana_Barry

Posted 13 January 2013 - 06:22 AM

I wasn't keen on letting anyone know until after DS had arrived, but my mum begged us to let her know when things were happening as they had to travel a fair distance and she was so excited!

My DP SMSed her once we were sure I was actually in labour & our midwife was with us at about 4am... but unbenownst to me HE was so excited himself he actually texted basically everyone we know. It was a bit embarrassing, but sweet and I enjoyed reading all the lovely messages he got back a few days later.

No-one showed up, except my Mum and Dad, about an hour after DS was born. By then I was happy to see them and show off the amazing baby I had made!

Good luck with your birth original.gif

#21 dirtgirl

Posted 13 January 2013 - 06:47 AM

QUOTE (iwanttosleepin @ 13/01/2013, 02:02 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
For me....after the baby is born!
Unless you need one of them to babysit the older sibling/s....


This

#22 imamumto3

Posted 13 January 2013 - 06:48 AM

for ds, only my parents knew when we were booked in for a caeser.  ds came earlier than that though, so dh rang while I was in recovery, I phoned mum after I was back in the room.

dd1, inlaws were phoned when I went into labour as they had to mind ds.

dd2, was induced, so inlaws had other kids over night and my dad knew when it was all happening.

other than that, phone calls were made to family immediately after the birth (within about 10 minutes) and text messages went out after family phone calls while waiting to go down to the ,after nifty ward, so within 15 minutes -30 minutes after the birth.

#23 JustBeige

Posted 13 January 2013 - 06:54 AM

We told ours straight away. They are reasonable though and just fitted in with what we wanted.

With #1 they sat in the waiting room for quite a while and were bored silly, so with #2 they were happy to babysit #1 and come down aftewards. My labours were always in the middle of the bloody night though, so that may have had a bearing on it.

In your case, I would get DH to send a text or call sometime during, or send a picture message at the end.

#24 ~buzz~

Posted 13 January 2013 - 07:01 AM

We didn't tell anyone until 5 hours after he was born I was planning on telling my mum after we had been to the hospital for a check up but he was born 2 hours after that and then we had to wait for me to get stitches before we rang everyone

#25 Freddie'sMum

Posted 13 January 2013 - 07:06 AM

Another one saying "after the baby is born".

IF you need them to look after an older child / toddler OR you actually want them in the waiting room / in the delivery room with you - then sure, tell them once labour is established - apart from that - I go with "after the baby is born".  Then you can tell everyone that baby is here.






0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

11 things that will happen when you're breastfeeding

After having three children and various degrees of success feeding them all, there's one thing I can tell you: virtually nothing will go as planned.

Surgery for baby born with a tail

A baby born with a tail has had it removed after doctors feared the birth defect might cause long term damage to his lower body.

When 'skin to skin' becomes a family affair

An adorable photo of a little boy and his dad enjoying skin to skin contact with newborn twins is melting hearts everywhere.

35 hilariously weird 'top tips'

Who would have thunk it? We never knew there were so many uses for feminine hygiene products. 

Pregnancy skin woes: acne, dry skin, itchy skin

Here are some of the most common skin complaints in pregnancy and how to tackle them, face on.

Watch this fun dance class for babywearing dads

Is there anything sexier than a babywearing dad?

Parents, this is how to cut grapes to avoid choking

One mum has learnt a harrowing lesson about the best way to cut grapes to make it safe for toddlers and little kids to eat.

When your kids have totally different temperaments

Sometimes it has felt like whiplash parenting. She perches watchfully while I vacuum; he tries to climb on and go for a ride.

How do our stress levels influence our baby?

Since having my second baby a number of people have commented on how placid, content and settled he is and, similarly, many have commented on how this is a reflection of how I am with him.

Separation anxiety isn't just for kids

Despite its prevalence, most doctors tend to be reluctant to diagnose adult patients with separation anxiety.

A charm bracelet, a boy, and my beliefs questioned

I was staring at the face of my son, realising that my once steadfast decision to be open minded was quickly unravelling at the seams.

Why I'm so grateful for Hayden Panettiere's PND honesty

There are baby steps and giant leaps forward. But there are steps backwards, too. And, oh, how they can hurt your heart.

The heartbreaking story of little Moko

The mother of 3-year-old Moko Rangitoheriri said she should have picked up on the signs. {Warning: distressing content}

Kate Beckinsale and teen daughter recreate birth photo

Kate Beckinsale has recreated her daughter Lily's birth photo, 17 years after she was born.

The adult-size stroller you'll want to test drive

It's one of the biggest baby related purchases they will make, so it makes sense that parents-to-be get a chance to road test a stroller.

Pregnancy announcement shows the reality of IVF

It's a long way from baby booties or bump shots people have become accustomed to in social media pregnancy announcements.  

Soleil Moon Frye welcomes fourth baby

"Punky Brewster" is a mom again, for the fourth time. Soleil Moon Frye announced the birth of her baby boy, Story, on Instagram Wednesday.

Mum breastfeeds baby found abandoned on the street

A woman has been praised as a "beautiful mother" after breastfeeding a baby which had been abandoned at the side of a street. 

A birth with a difference: the 'natural caesarean'

We've shared stories of gentle caesareans before, but a new video shows a new option called a 'natural caesarean'.

Baby name inspiration by music genre

If you're all about the music, then you'll need a musical name for that baby. We've got all the lists for you by music genre.

Giving effective instructions to toddlers

One of the most common errors made by parents is in how they give instructions to their children.

 
Advertisement
 

Top 5 Articles

Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

The babies who are one in 70 million

Bethani Webb was excited to find out she was pregnant, but the first time mum did not realise she was carrying four babies not one.

Cafe offers breastfeeding mums a free cup of tea

A Sydney cafe is offering breastfeeding mums free cups of tea in a bid to show support for the right of women to nurse their babies wherever they choose.

To snip or not to snip? When the decision is not clear cut

Jamie Oliver, who considered a vasectomy, is to be a father again. A fellow dad reflects on his own decision 11 years ago

Doctors stunned by rare twins born almost six weeks apart

To everyone's surprise, Kristen Miller "kept doing better each day", keeping her second baby safe.

Baby book ideas for modern parents

Before my son was born I was given a lovely baby book full of blank pages waiting to be filled with weights and heights and first words.

The adorable smile of a baby seeing his mum clearly for the first time

There is no doubt seeing their child smile for the first time is an unforgettable moment for parents everywhere.

Mum tells how toddler 'nearly hung himself' in cot mishap

When Alison Johnson put her 18-month-old Caleb down for a nap, she had no reason to believe her son was in any danger.

Babies are still switched at birth? Yes, it can happen

All my panic and tears aside, my biggest question looking back is about the kind of security measures used in the maternity ward.

Doctors slammed for taking selfie with newborn

Everyone who visits a mum in hospital in the days following childbirth wants to get a photo with the new baby.

ergoPouch Twosie Sleepsuit for winter breastfeeding

Finally, there's a way to keep warm while breastfeeding through winter.

Health check: How long does sex 'normally' last?

What to do with this information? My advice would be to try not to think about it during the throes of passion.

When breastfeeding sucks: fixing common problems

From niplash to tight boobs, biting to milk supply issues, Pinky McKay looks at common breastfeeding issues and how to solve them.

10 things I've learnt in my first six months with twins

Six months on we're all still alive, and the more we get to know each other the easier the days become.

Mum's loving kiss leaves baby fighting for life

Kirsty Carrington thought nothing of giving her newborn son a kiss, little did she know it would leave the baby fighting for life.

When doing chores is your new 'me time'

After children, 'me time' looks a little different.

Get going: 14 travel strollers for families on the move

A stroller can make or break travelling with a baby or toddler. Here are 15 great single travel stroller options.

10 ways toddlers are terrific

It always pays to remind yourself of how terrific toddlers can be - they're little like this for such a short time

 

Vintage Toys

The toys of your childhood

Take a trip down memory lane with these vinage and retro toys that you may have had in your childhood or your parent's childhood.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.