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When to tell parents/in laws when you're in labour?
84 replies to this topic
Posted 13 January 2013 - 12:16 AM
I know this might be a bit of a strange question, and those who have gone through labour might be in a better position to advise. When do you notify parents/in laws that you're in labour? On the way to the hospital? Sometime during (assuming a long labour) After you've given birth?
I know my parents/in laws would want to know as soon as we're on our way to the hospital but the thought of them being in the waiting room whilst I'm giving birth is a bit too close for comfort for me. However if I wait until after the birth I wonder if they would be disappointed they didn't know earlier (obviously the arrival of a baby would outweigh any "disappointment" of not knowing I was in labour).
I've told hubby there are a lot of variables (time of day, how I'm feeling etc) so we'll just play it by ear.
Any advice on this?
Posted 13 January 2013 - 12:26 AM
On both occasions I've talked to my mum and mum-in-law quite regularly in the lead to my due date so they've had a good idea where I was at. When I was fairly sure things were moving along they've called later in the evening, or I've called them (can't really remember), and been given updates that we'd probably be heading to the hospital that night. I've never bothered to make 'the' phone call so to speak until after the baby is born.
I think people think about this a lot with their first -should we tell, who and when and how - but with the second or subsequent you've got childcare to arrange then and in the following days and so it's all a bit more open and easy going -tell whoever, whenever. That's just my experience.
Posted 13 January 2013 - 12:28 AM
I'd also add nobody would ever presume to visit us until we are ready. This is always discussed after the baby is born so there is no worries about people showing up in the waiting room!
Posted 13 January 2013 - 12:33 AM
My parents and the in-laws live several hours away so we knew that we had to give them the heads up.
I went into labour in the middle of the night. Once we knew things were kicking along and it was a reasonable hour to call, we let them know.
My MIL came after work and hung out in the waiting room. She stayed for almost 15 hours before DD was born. I made them take DD to meet her after the checks were done (I was in recovery).
Posted 13 January 2013 - 12:37 AM
My in laws were notified sometime during the morning as they were due to drive back home (interstate) having waited a few weeks for it all to happen. So they needed to know so they didn't get in the car and go. They were notified by text at some point by my OH. Otherwise NOBODY would have known. I didn't even call my own Mother until 6 hours afterwards and I was in my room and settled, fed, showered etc. I wanted nobody in the waiting room and my In-laws to their credit actually stayed away until that evening as well.
It's really up to you and the relationship you have with the people around you and whether you want people to know or not. If you don't want the pressure/possible phone calls of "has she had it yet" then I suggest you tell nobody until after you've given birth. It's your body, your baby and your process, you aren't obligated to tell the world!
Edited by nothing123, 13 January 2013 - 12:39 AM.
Posted 13 January 2013 - 12:59 AM
With ds we rang on the way to hospital and then they both mil and fil came when I went for the csection.
With dd This time I rang mil in the afternoon and gave her an update that my waters had broken, I was admitted to hospital but waiting for labour to start. First to ring the next morning after dd was born and she left work early and came in the afternoon. I wouldn't have announced the birth until she knew first. Fil is now in a home and didn't meet dd until 6 weeks old.
Mum was my support person each labour and drove me to the hospital and dad and sister were both in waiting room each time kids were born.
Posted 13 January 2013 - 01:02 AM
For me....after the baby is born!
Unless you need one of them to babysit the older sibling/s....
Posted 13 January 2013 - 01:02 AM
I would say... when you need them to come babysit an older child. I can't remember saying anything to anyone for any other reason (apart from my husband and healthcare providers, of course).
I did have a bit of help getting started both times, so I guess they knew that things would be moving along soonish and they just assumed we'd let them know when they needed to be told (after the birth, save for the babysitting thing the second time). Nobody seemed to expect any different. The excitement of the new baby tends to be more of a focus than anything else.
Posted 13 January 2013 - 01:27 AM
With DD we rang after the event. My parents live interstate so they drove up the following day. With DS, who was 12 days o'due and a last minute elective c/s, they were here ready to look after DD.
Posted 13 January 2013 - 01:49 AM
With our first we told them when I was in labour they came and waited at the hospital (admitedly they weren't hte only one) but for along time after I had to endure comments like they heard screaming and went oh thats 'Majeix' etc. I don't think it was tbh but hell even if it was seriously shut up! I don't think they meant anything by it but that really made me unfomfortable/upset me. With our second we told them afterwards. They were going to mind our first but as it was the middle of the night instead of waking them my brother came over (he lived just up the road) and he came round and watched movies with me for awhile before we headed off anyway...
Posted 13 January 2013 - 02:48 AM
After the baby is born! You really don't want the pressure of having people waiting and for your DH to have to race out and give them the news. You also want full control over when they visit, it's much easier to control if they don't know!
However with no.2 my Mum was staying with us from interstate so she could look after DS1.
With no.3 we had to call the inlaws to come over and look after DS1 and DD - MIL wanted to chat - ahh no, I really do have to go to the hospital now!
Posted 13 January 2013 - 03:18 AM
DS1 - when they decided to induce me
DS2 - when they decided to induce me
DS3- IL's (when I went into labour as they had to mind kids)...
and in the am when it was a decent time to call (8am ish)
Posted 13 January 2013 - 03:26 AM
I didn't until afterwards however I did switch off my mobile which was a dead giveaway. When I turned it on I had a voicemail from mum wondering whether it may be that time!
If you are concerned they will come to the hospital then don't tell them as you don't really want to think about anything but yourself at this point. If you have spoken to them and they are happy to wait until you call again then tell them. Maybe just work out some ground rules if you do want to tell them.
Posted 13 January 2013 - 04:48 AM
Ideally, after the baby is born, unless you want them there ( or require babysitting for an elder child!). In my case, it didn't work out since MIL had planned a visit and I got scheduled to be induced the same day. She got banned from being there though - I had to ring up and have done terse words with her about it.
Posted 13 January 2013 - 06:01 AM
After the baby is born! With DD I was going to be induced just before my due date. The parents and in laws knew that, so they were suspicious it was going to be on the Friday before my due date ( which it was). I loved that it was a surprise for them. My sister was obsessed with finding out when I was going to deliver. She too thought it would be the Friday and even called the maternity ward at the hospital to see if I was there. I wasn't there of course because I was in the delivery suite......it was great that she did that as when DH called her to tell her that her niece was here she was not expecting the news.
Posted 13 January 2013 - 06:14 AM
I rang my mum as soon as I knew with number 1 as she was going to be at the birth. DH told the inlaws and said he would keep them posted. I didn't want them there but of course they turned up and waited noses pressed at the labour ward and somehow got in 2 minutes after bub was born - i was still in the delivery suite and not impressed. I really annoyed and angry but let it go as it was a lovely time for us and I didn't want it ruined.
Second time everyone knew as I was in hospital for a week. Inlaws were asked to babysit so mum could come to the hospital. Inlaws stayed away until the following morning (although it was 7 am the next day)
Number 3 is due in a month and we plan to do the same again. In laws can babysit and we will have mum at the hospital.
If you don't want them waiting and you can't trust them to stay at home then tell then once the bub is born. If you don't mind either way then I would tell them when you go to the hospital
Posted 13 January 2013 - 06:16 AM
I also forgot to add that. With number 1 it took so long DH felt bad they were waiting and went to have lunch with them in the cafe at. The hospital and right when he did that things sped up and he didn't answer his phone and he nearly missed the birth. You can imagine I was not happy.
Posted 13 January 2013 - 06:22 AM
I wasn't keen on letting anyone know until after DS had arrived, but my mum begged us to let her know when things were happening as they had to travel a fair distance and she was so excited!
My DP SMSed her once we were sure I was actually in labour & our midwife was with us at about 4am... but unbenownst to me HE was so excited himself he actually texted basically everyone we know. It was a bit embarrassing, but sweet and I enjoyed reading all the lovely messages he got back a few days later.
No-one showed up, except my Mum and Dad, about an hour after DS was born. By then I was happy to see them and show off the amazing baby I had made!
Good luck with your birth
Posted 13 January 2013 - 06:48 AM
for ds, only my parents knew when we were booked in for a caeser. ds came earlier than that though, so dh rang while I was in recovery, I phoned mum after I was back in the room.
dd1, inlaws were phoned when I went into labour as they had to mind ds.
dd2, was induced, so inlaws had other kids over night and my dad knew when it was all happening.
other than that, phone calls were made to family immediately after the birth (within about 10 minutes) and text messages went out after family phone calls while waiting to go down to the ,after nifty ward, so within 15 minutes -30 minutes after the birth.
Posted 13 January 2013 - 06:54 AM
We told ours straight away. They are reasonable though and just fitted in with what we wanted.
With #1 they sat in the waiting room for quite a while and were bored silly, so with #2 they were happy to babysit #1 and come down aftewards. My labours were always in the middle of the bloody night though, so that may have had a bearing on it.
In your case, I would get DH to send a text or call sometime during, or send a picture message at the end.
Posted 13 January 2013 - 07:01 AM
We didn't tell anyone until 5 hours after he was born I was planning on telling my mum after we had been to the hospital for a check up but he was born 2 hours after that and then we had to wait for me to get stitches before we rang everyone
Posted 13 January 2013 - 07:06 AM
Another one saying "after the baby is born".
IF you need them to look after an older child / toddler OR you actually want them in the waiting room / in the delivery room with you - then sure, tell them once labour is established - apart from that - I go with "after the baby is born". Then you can tell everyone that baby is here.
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