Jump to content

I can't live anymore after my loss
Miscarriage at 16 weeks


  • Please log in to reply
33 replies to this topic

#1 Leese_ttc

Posted 11 January 2013 - 10:55 PM

I hope I am posting in the right place but I really need some desperate help. I'm new here and I'm here because on December 8th I had miscarriage at 15 weeks. It has wrecked  me and today for the first time in my life I thought about ending it all so I wouldn't have to live another day of pain in this dark house with no support network or friends.  TODAY has been the worse by far, I'll take you back 2 days ago. So I called a girl I know telling her I want to die and that I want my baby back more than anything, I told her that the pain is just more than I could bare and I cried so hard that I could barely talk, she didn't say much just that she was here for me and the rest, it was a pretty bad phone call, I couldn't breath I was crying so hard and just kept repeating that it wasn't fair and I want  my baby back, any hoo I let her go as I was so upset and then today I couldn't believe the message I got on my phone when just 2 days ago I was soooo desperate and needing help. This is exactly what it said " OMG I can't believe I'm pregnant, don't tell dh as he told me not to tell you yet but I wanted you to know first, I have never been so happy. I'm sorry for your loss but I wanted you to know first. Give me a call when your free YAY" ?........ Yes that is what she sent, word for word, I couldn't believe it, I immediately lost it and wanted to die. I couldn't believe she would send me that when she knows how bad I am suffering and just 2 days ago I was hysterical on the phone to her. Who the heck would do such a thing? Obviously someone who doesn't care and is very very spitefull , it's almost hard to believe someone would do such a thing. I don't know what to do about that but I'm pretty sure I never wanna talk to her again. Ever since I got pregnant everyone else wanted to and now I have 2 girls I know both 6 weeks along. Why is this happening to me. Even my own partner says he is sick of my depression everyday but I just want my baby back so very much. Nobody understands. I have no friends or family to help me, the doctors just want to give me drugs, I want my period to start again so I can start trying again, it's killing me.i just can't stand it. I can't even afford to go out to the country for a week or 2 to get away and clear my head. I have 4 kids who live with me 1 week then their dad the next and my current partner has a son also but look what happened? I hate myself, I know I did something wrong when I was pregnant but don't know what. Does anyone know if my period will come soon? It's been 5 weeks now, will we be able to get pregnant again? Will I have more miscarriages after this one? I just need a friend or maybe some good happy stories from a similar situation . Will I ever get over this and should I just leave this so called cow of a friend behind me because in my opinion it was pretty bad timing and very cruel. I need something I just don't know what. A holiday or even starting to think of a hospital for such depression but I'm scared my dp will leave me thinking I'm nuts. I'm 30 years old and healthy as far as I know. I just want to go out and scream because this life is becoming  to hard for me to bear. I just want my baby back. I'm sorry guys I talk to much but I have nobody else so here I am. I'm sorry.

Leese x

#2 Leese_ttc

Posted 11 January 2013 - 11:01 PM

Oh and I'm from SA , I've heard of the Teddy Love Club, I've even donated to them years ago and was heart broken at the hospital to not receive any support from staff or the TLC. It seems I'm on my own and that hurts. Sorry for my whining.

Leese x

#3 noonehere

Posted 11 January 2013 - 11:01 PM

i have not had a loss but do have mental health problems, please speak to your partner, give lifeline a call and organise to meet with a trusted doctor.
they will get the ball rolling for you to get help.

so sorry for your loss hhugs.gif

#4 ChickenortheEgg?

Posted 11 January 2013 - 11:01 PM

Please contact Lifeline.

#5 noonehere

Posted 11 January 2013 - 11:02 PM

double post

Edited by duckasorus, 11 January 2013 - 11:04 PM.


#6 tiggy2

Posted 11 January 2013 - 11:04 PM

I'm so sorry for your loss and that you are having such a hard time.
I know it's hard to believe right now but it does get easier with time.
It took me about 8 or 9 weeks to get my period back.

You sound very down, can you talk to someone different? Family? A different friend?
Lifeline?

You must feel very hurt by your friend. However, I imagine she has no idea how much she has hurt you, despite your phone call. She is very excited and trying to share that with you without understanding the magnitude of your loss and sadness.

Please don't hurt yourself. Things will get better. You need some support right now, please go and call someone or a support line right now,

Sending you big hugs.

#7 Mrs Dinosaurus

Posted 11 January 2013 - 11:05 PM

I am so sorry for your loss, I found a lot of support through SANDS, I agree lifeline will help right now.

You sound like you need more help than a forum can offer, i sincerely hope you get it soon.

#8 SCARFACE CLAW

Posted 11 January 2013 - 11:07 PM

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way OP, and that was a truly awful thing for your "friend" to do. I have been in that very dark place before, and I hope you'll take my advice. Go back to your doctor, and get a referal to a good psychiatrist. Try the antidepressants if they recommend them - you can take them during pregnancy. They can really make the world of difference, and get you out of that dark place and moving on. You'll never "get over it", but it will get a little easier with the right help. Good luck OP.


Edit to remove sig.

Edited by SCARFACE CLAW, 11 January 2013 - 11:12 PM.


#9 Guest_Sunnycat_*

Posted 11 January 2013 - 11:08 PM

Your friend was unbelievably cruel with the way she went about telling you. I'm speechless.

Please seek further help to deal with your feelings.

It probably doesn't help much but your loss isn't your fault and unfortunately losses sometimes just happen without any reason. Many people go on to have healthy babies after experiencing a loss and I hope that you will experience this too.

Please take care of yourself.

#10 Coffeegirl

Posted 11 January 2013 - 11:08 PM

OP,  please call one of the helplines in your area.    You are NOT alone

http://www.essentialbaby.com.au/forums/ind...howtopic=500857



#11 BeYOUtiful

Posted 11 January 2013 - 11:10 PM

I am so sorry for your loss sad.gif  I am also sorry your friend has no clue what you have just been through and was completely inconsiderate.  I would give her a wide berth for quite a while.  

I agree with the others speak to Lifeline.

#12 Froger

Posted 11 January 2013 - 11:11 PM

So sorry for your loss of your baby. That was a dreadfully heartbreaking and awful thing for that person to say to you. I have no idea either why someone would say such a thing. Some people just don't think.




#13 lucky 2

Posted 11 January 2013 - 11:16 PM

Hi Leese, I have copied the SA helplines from the link above.
QUOTE
SOUTH AUSTRALIA

Families SA After-Hours Crisis Care - 13 16 11
Crisis Care is the after-hours service provided by qualified Families SA social workers for crises including suicidal behaviours, personal trauma or high-risk adolescence behaviour or need. It operates from 4pm to 9am and 24 hours on weekends and public holidays.

Parent Helpline - 1300 364 100
http://www.parenting...ov.au/helpline/
Provides telephone information, counselling and support 24 hours a day, seven days a week, every day of the year. Available to parents of children and young people from birth to 25 years and to people working with children and young people, including teachers and childcare providers.

SA Mental Health CRISIS Team - 13 14 65 or (rural) 1800 182 232
24/7 mental health telephone emergency and crisis intervention service



As others have suggested please make contact with one of these support services.
I hope you are not alone, perhaps your children are at home with you?

#14 Bedge

Posted 11 January 2013 - 11:17 PM

You have us! As I begin to type, I see other girls madly typing in reply to you at the same time. original.gif

Honestly ... I have suffered from bad depression (I got to the point where I physically couldn't even eat) .. I went to a hospital/mental health clinic for 10 days, and it was the best thing I have ever done! It was a theraputic environment, I met amazing people and gained so much insight. I wasn't forced on to medication.

You know that you are suffering. You need to put yourself first, and do what you need to heal and move forward. Yes, people may have their opinion of you and how you should cope with things and you may take some flack for that (as people rarley understand such complex emotions) ... although you have to put that aside. What matters is how you feel, how you are going to cope and how you are going to help yourself.

Please please please focus on yourself ... 'people' aren't going to build you back up, you need to do this. It does seem overwhelming and impossible ... although it is not.

How you feel now is not forever.

Pls contact Lifeline and discuss what is happening with you. They will offer support, suggestion and advise to help you immediately. You can also attend your local ER if you feel your situation is getting worse.

Next week, pls see your GP for further help and assessment of your current situation.

You are going to be ok.  hheart.gif





#15 HappyLife

Posted 11 January 2013 - 11:18 PM

Oh you poor thing! Please know you did not cause your miscarriage! As much as you want to blame yourself, it's not your fault. My heart aches for how you must be feeling bbighug.gif    

As others have said, I think it is important that you get some counselling. Lifeline is a great starting point. Having someone there to talk to is very important.

Also, people who have miscarried do go on to have happy healthy babies, so don't lose hope.

Please seek out some help via lifeline or beyond blue ASAP & take the time you need to grieve for your loss and become healthy again for you & your family. Best of luck, and please know we're here to listen, but please seek help from those organisations that can really make a difference.

#16 bluedragon

Posted 11 January 2013 - 11:32 PM

I could not read your post and not reply. Please don't blame yourself for the loss of your baby, it was NOT your fault.

I have not been through what you have but supported a friend who miscarried at 12 weeks and she felt very much like you do. You need to talk to someone about it. Please ring lifeline now, they will be able to help.

Your 'friend' is a completely self-centred, unfeeling cow and I would not be having any contact with her any time soon. Only you can decide if your friendship is salvageable but that is a question for the future, for now just stay away from her.

I really hope you get the help you need to heal  bbighug.gif

#17 wintergirl

Posted 11 January 2013 - 11:37 PM

I am so sorry for your loss, and for your friends inconsideration and hurtful comments. I suspect that she is just excited and trying to include you maybe thinking it would help? Some people just don't realise how much pain you are in.
I found a lot of support through SIDS. My GP told me about them. They offer counselling to anyone who has lost a pregnancy or child, not just through SIDS. They also connected me to someone local who had been through a very similar experience and she and I would talk regularly or if I was having a bad day I would call her, she is one of my closest friends now.
You are not alone.
Please call Lifeline, they are wonderful.
bbighug.gif

#18 Bwok~Bwok

Posted 11 January 2013 - 11:52 PM

First off, please don't blame yourself for your miscarriage.

Secondly - honey you have been trying to deal with this on your own for 5 weeks now, now you need to reach out and ask someone to help you (and I know that is easier said than done). Call Lifeline, so you can at least talk to someone that will listen.

I couldn't imagine trying to go through this without having any support!

Edited by Bwok~Bwok, 11 January 2013 - 11:53 PM.


#19 MooGuru

Posted 12 January 2013 - 12:19 AM

I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't even begin to imagine what you are going through.
Please contact Lifeline or BeyondBlue. You need support and you need it ASAP.

Also I know you don't know me but could you make a promise to EBers that you won't hurt yourself and if you feel you can't keep that promise you will call someone, Lifeline, BeyondBlue, 000.

#20 Leese_ttc

Posted 12 January 2013 - 12:26 AM

I'm sorry, lost it there for a minute. I won't hurt myself as I have 4 beautiful children. It's just so hard. I want to be pregnant again more than anything. My friend really set me off and I guess I want reassurance that it will happen. This is so hard. Thanks for caring, your already helping, I just need to talk.

#21 Froger

Posted 12 January 2013 - 12:37 AM

I'm really glad you came back to the thread OP. So glad you are safe. A lot of people were concerned about you.

Maybe during the day you could come and post in the pregnancy loss forum. There are alot of lovely supportive women there who have been through a similar situation.

There are not a lot of people around at this time of night, so you may not get so many replies now. But you are not alone.

Take care OP.


Edited by SarahM72, 12 January 2013 - 12:38 AM.


#22 angel-eyes75

Posted 12 January 2013 - 01:11 AM

I to have been where you are.  Let me start by telling you does get easier to cope and no you did nothing wrong.  
I myself already had 3 children and lost my beautiful Joshua at 16 weeks gestation.  I was heart broken and would have done anything to have him back.  
What you are feeling is completly normal part of greiving.
I found by shareing my feelings with a complete stranger helped me deal with and understand my pain.  So please speak to someone.  Many a times I picked up the phone and dialed the sands number but hung up when someone answered eventually I found the strength to actually talk to someone and it helped me imensely.
I found and wrote poems for my little angel baby and have one that I placed in a frame.  It helped me celebrate that he was a part of our family and will always be apart of our family not in body but in spirit.

I did go on to have more children all healthy pregnancies.
Give yourself time to grieve give your body time to heal.
And remember your angel will always have their own special place in your heart.

Eb is a fantastic place to release your emotions it helped me greatly just being able to write it all down.
But please find the strength to seek out professional help as well.
Take care

#23 Lady Lovely Locks

Posted 12 January 2013 - 07:02 AM

HI OP, I hope that you are feeling a bit better this morning. I am terribly sorry for the loss of your baby, nobody should have to go through such heartache. I am another that will suggest that you need to speak with someone in real life about this. If you speak with your GP they will be able to refer you to a psychologist that specializes in women's health issues, and will be able to give you accurate information about how to proceed in terms of future pregnancy etc.
Be kind to yourself OP, it has only been 5 weeks, the pain is still raw, but it will get better (as hard as it is to believe) one day at a time.
xoxo

#24 elmo_mum

Posted 12 January 2013 - 07:17 AM

words cant describe what i want to say/do to your "friend"

although i want to hug you!!!!!


try SANDS and also PANDA

otherwise, present to youe er and they WILL Help!!!!

if there is a "womrns" hospi in sa, go there

i had pnd and presented to er at the royal womens (melb) and the staff were supportive



#25 MummyLyss

Posted 12 January 2013 - 07:29 AM

Leese, I am so sorry for your loss! I have no idea what you are going through personally. My SILs son was born sleeping at 34 weeks almost 1 year ago. Trying to support her through her loss was mind-boggling. Looking back, there were things that I said (well intentioned) that were not helpful. I think by about 4-5 weeks I just wanted to distract her from her pain, so tried to talk about other things. About 3 months later she became pregnant again -- she is currently enjoying a healthy pregnancy and is 28 weeks. I think your friend didn't mean to hurt you, I think she just wanted to try and take your mind off it. Maybe in a few days you can call her and explain that you are happy for her news, but that it really hurt your feelings that she would tell you like that when you are still hurting so badly. I also agree with PPs that you should seek help for your feelings. I have suffered depression for as long as I can remember - in my case it never goes away completely, but after talking with a psychologist and taking meds for a while, now I am better able to cope. I hope that your pain will lessen soon and that you will have a healthy 'sticky' pregnancy soon. Xxxx


1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Get your FREE Baby & Toddler Show ticket!

Get your free ticket to the Sydney Essential Baby & Toddler Show for September 25-27 - register online now.

A solo birth, a wasp swarm and a forest fire: mum and baby's amazing story of survival

Desperate, out of petrol and low on food, a new mother lit a fire in the hope of attracting attention.

Boy found on swing died of hypothermia and dehydration, autopsy finds

The story was chilling and heartbreaking: a three-year-old boy was found dead in a Southern Maryland park, his mother pushing him on the swing.

Child's play and laughter help battle fatigue

Feeling fatigued? Uh-huh, thought as much. Join the queue.

Dad shares entertaining 'how to hold a baby' clip

For many new dads, their own child is the first baby they have ever held. So one dad has posted an instructive YouTube video titled "How to Hold a Baby".

The Australian baby with 100,000 Facebook fans

She may be only eight months old, but Egypt has already amassed more than 100,000 fans and received a letter from royalty - Hollywood royalty that is.

Public welcome outside church for Princess Charlotte's christening

Duke and Duchess of Cambridge have invited well-wishers to see Princess Charlotte outside church in Sandringham on day of her baptism.

Tongue tie: what you need to know

Tongue and lip tie can lead to many problems for babies - and their parents. Here are the signs of tongue tie and how it's treated.

My daughter is small but that doesn't matter

My daughter may be small, but it's my job as her parent to refocus back where it belongs - on who she is as a person

Wet wipes linked to rise in allergic reactions

The government has issued a health warning after a rise in allergic skin reactions has been linked to a preservative found in some wet wipes.

Gay couple in their 80s first to wed in Dallas after Supreme Court ruling

Love may have won, but it came with quite the wait.

William Tyrrell's family marks birthday with cake and renewed appeal

The family of missing boy William Tyrrell will mark his fourth birthday on Friday making a cake to share with friends and family as NSW police renewed their public appeal for information on his disappearance.

What all parents should know about safe babywearing

A picture of Ryan Reynolds always gets the girls talking, and a recently shared photo has done exactly that - but this time, it's for all the wrong reasons.

Baby's head shape reveals potentially fatal condition

Thinking her baby just had an unusually shaped head, a mother was shocked to discover it was instead linked to a dangerous condition.

'Help - my toddler hits me!'

My toddler has started hitting when he gets frustrated, is feeling ignored, or just thinks it might be fun.

Why IVF success rates may not be what you think

Transparency, accountability and responsibilityare essential measures to protect IVF vulnerable patients.

On the 10th anniversary of my son's death

This day marks a significant day. Today marks 10 years since I lost my son Kai.

Mother-in-law 'from hell' inspires survival guide

The happily ever after Nicola Milan had imagined wasn't to be – and she blames her mother-in-law.

Name your baby Quinoa, win a $10K gift card

Choosing a name for your little bundle of joy is always a major decision. It can be something traditional, trendy, creative … or inspired by the menu of your favourite chain restaurant.

Owning a pair of nail scissors does not make me a hairdresser

It's been a whole year since sleeping in until 10am. A whole year since having a peaceful shower.

The 83 children who were tragically let down in the last decade

Over a 10-year period, 83 children died from domestic violence abuse in NSW, with three quarters of the victims aged five years or under, the NSW Ombudsman has revealed.

Expert Q&A: Gross motor skill development in toddlers and preschoolers

Dr Katie Heathershaw answers questions about jumping, toe walking, riding a bike and being pigeon toed.

Is it reasonable to expect your partner to give up drinking in pregnancy?

From the moment that I fell pregnant with my son, I realised just how much my life had already started to change.

Stroke victim joins class action against makers of popular contraceptive pill

"I was terrified I would always be this way. The pill needs to come with a much higher warning."

Sexy time

Why you should get excited about scheduling sex

Unfortunately, the belief that sex should always be spontaneous is a myth. It just isn't.

When newborn photoshoots get messy

When it comes to newborn photoshoots, it is all about the timing.

Orphaned baby daughter Ayla wakes from coma

Former All Black Jerry Collins' critically injured orphaned daughter has awoken from her coma and is able to bottle-feed.

Dad takes miraculous catch while feeding baby

One American father has taken multitasking to a new level at a Cubs-Dodgers baseball game at Wrigley Field.

'Samuel is our firstborn, and he will never be forgotten'

Having lost their firstborn at one day old, the Carrolls were overjoyed to welcome their daughter Isobel into the world a year later.

Channel 10's Sarah Harris expecting first child

The Studio host Sarah Harris doesn't mind if her first baby is a boy or girl, but she does hope it is born with one thing in particular.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

27 funny ultrasound pictures

Ultrasounds give you a look at your growing baby ... and sometimes what appears to their womb-buddy, or your bub in an amusing position.

The top 6 misleading parenting terms

From 'morning sickness' to 'the terrible twos', there are many parenting terms that are misleading.

When 'good' nannies go bad

While most nannies take pride in their work, there can be some who have a hidden side.

Woman hospitalised for skinny jeans injury

Beware: skinny jeans might be bad for your health.

Gauze seeding: the bacteria-breeding birth trend

A number of women having caesarean deliveries are now taking steps to give their baby a better 'microbiome' start in life.

Jimmy Fallon writes new children's book for dads

Jimmy Fallon, host of NBC's The Tonight Show, recently wrote a children's book about every father's secret wish for their baby's first word to be "dada" - not "mama".

28 names for babies born in winter

Looking for some baby name inspiration for a bub born during the colder months? Here are 28 options from around the world to consider.

The horrible act that sparked a brawl at child's birthday party

The uncle of the seven-year-old girl at the centre of the brawl at child's birthday party in Sydney's west has described the events leading up to the alarming show of violence.

Babies 'benefit from iPads at a young age': study

More often than not, you'll read that screen time for children should be kept to a minimum - but some scientists are now challenging this way of thinking.

Do mums really just obsessively talk about their children?

Natalie Reilly describes three main types of conversations mothers have. And, surprise, they're not all about kids.

Why some dogs might attack babies or young kids

A baby's smell, the noises it makes and even its gaze can contribute to the potential for a dog attack.

Mum demands refund for 'beargina' christening cake

It was meant to be a tasteful cake to help celebrate a three-year-old's christening.

5 things no one warns you about after giving birth

How many times have you been warned about all the sleepless nights you have to 'look forward to' when you become a parent?

Police officer sang nursery rhyme as heartbreaking photo was taken

A police officer arrived at a devastating scene on Thursday: a car crash resulting in all passengers being thrown from the vehicle.

Don't worry, working mums: Just leave Dad in charge at home

Want to open the boardroom doors for women? Encourage - heck, praise - dads who stay home with their children.

Hilaria Baldwin shares post-baby selfie

Just two days after giving birth, actor Alec Balwin's wife posted a post-baby picture on social media.

'Help - my child won't ever do what I ask!'

Compliance is part of the parent-child relationship, but so is resistance. It's all natural.

Postnatal depression support gets $23 million boost in NSW

The Baird government will include $22.8 million in Tuesday's NSW budget to expand a program designed to help parents at risk of postnatal depression (PND).

'I'm just as tired, scared and stressed as you': stay-at-home dad's plea

I'm really lucky to have two great kids, but I found it really tough with so much being aimed at the mothers and not the fathers.

 

FREE TICKET

Get your FREE ticket to the Baby & Toddler Show

Get your free ticket to the Sydney Essential Baby & Toddler Show for September 25-27 - register online now.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.