Jump to content

I can't live anymore after my loss
Miscarriage at 16 weeks


  • Please log in to reply
33 replies to this topic

#1 Leese_ttc

Posted 11 January 2013 - 10:55 PM

I hope I am posting in the right place but I really need some desperate help. I'm new here and I'm here because on December 8th I had miscarriage at 15 weeks. It has wrecked  me and today for the first time in my life I thought about ending it all so I wouldn't have to live another day of pain in this dark house with no support network or friends.  TODAY has been the worse by far, I'll take you back 2 days ago. So I called a girl I know telling her I want to die and that I want my baby back more than anything, I told her that the pain is just more than I could bare and I cried so hard that I could barely talk, she didn't say much just that she was here for me and the rest, it was a pretty bad phone call, I couldn't breath I was crying so hard and just kept repeating that it wasn't fair and I want  my baby back, any hoo I let her go as I was so upset and then today I couldn't believe the message I got on my phone when just 2 days ago I was soooo desperate and needing help. This is exactly what it said " OMG I can't believe I'm pregnant, don't tell dh as he told me not to tell you yet but I wanted you to know first, I have never been so happy. I'm sorry for your loss but I wanted you to know first. Give me a call when your free YAY" ?........ Yes that is what she sent, word for word, I couldn't believe it, I immediately lost it and wanted to die. I couldn't believe she would send me that when she knows how bad I am suffering and just 2 days ago I was hysterical on the phone to her. Who the heck would do such a thing? Obviously someone who doesn't care and is very very spitefull , it's almost hard to believe someone would do such a thing. I don't know what to do about that but I'm pretty sure I never wanna talk to her again. Ever since I got pregnant everyone else wanted to and now I have 2 girls I know both 6 weeks along. Why is this happening to me. Even my own partner says he is sick of my depression everyday but I just want my baby back so very much. Nobody understands. I have no friends or family to help me, the doctors just want to give me drugs, I want my period to start again so I can start trying again, it's killing me.i just can't stand it. I can't even afford to go out to the country for a week or 2 to get away and clear my head. I have 4 kids who live with me 1 week then their dad the next and my current partner has a son also but look what happened? I hate myself, I know I did something wrong when I was pregnant but don't know what. Does anyone know if my period will come soon? It's been 5 weeks now, will we be able to get pregnant again? Will I have more miscarriages after this one? I just need a friend or maybe some good happy stories from a similar situation . Will I ever get over this and should I just leave this so called cow of a friend behind me because in my opinion it was pretty bad timing and very cruel. I need something I just don't know what. A holiday or even starting to think of a hospital for such depression but I'm scared my dp will leave me thinking I'm nuts. I'm 30 years old and healthy as far as I know. I just want to go out and scream because this life is becoming  to hard for me to bear. I just want my baby back. I'm sorry guys I talk to much but I have nobody else so here I am. I'm sorry.

Leese x

#2 Leese_ttc

Posted 11 January 2013 - 11:01 PM

Oh and I'm from SA , I've heard of the Teddy Love Club, I've even donated to them years ago and was heart broken at the hospital to not receive any support from staff or the TLC. It seems I'm on my own and that hurts. Sorry for my whining.

Leese x

#3 noonehere

Posted 11 January 2013 - 11:01 PM

i have not had a loss but do have mental health problems, please speak to your partner, give lifeline a call and organise to meet with a trusted doctor.
they will get the ball rolling for you to get help.

so sorry for your loss hhugs.gif

#4 ChickenortheEgg?

Posted 11 January 2013 - 11:01 PM

Please contact Lifeline.

#5 noonehere

Posted 11 January 2013 - 11:02 PM

double post

Edited by duckasorus, 11 January 2013 - 11:04 PM.


#6 tiggy2

Posted 11 January 2013 - 11:04 PM

I'm so sorry for your loss and that you are having such a hard time.
I know it's hard to believe right now but it does get easier with time.
It took me about 8 or 9 weeks to get my period back.

You sound very down, can you talk to someone different? Family? A different friend?
Lifeline?

You must feel very hurt by your friend. However, I imagine she has no idea how much she has hurt you, despite your phone call. She is very excited and trying to share that with you without understanding the magnitude of your loss and sadness.

Please don't hurt yourself. Things will get better. You need some support right now, please go and call someone or a support line right now,

Sending you big hugs.

#7 Mrs Dinosaurus

Posted 11 January 2013 - 11:05 PM

I am so sorry for your loss, I found a lot of support through SANDS, I agree lifeline will help right now.

You sound like you need more help than a forum can offer, i sincerely hope you get it soon.

#8 SCARFACE CLAW

Posted 11 January 2013 - 11:07 PM

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way OP, and that was a truly awful thing for your "friend" to do. I have been in that very dark place before, and I hope you'll take my advice. Go back to your doctor, and get a referal to a good psychiatrist. Try the antidepressants if they recommend them - you can take them during pregnancy. They can really make the world of difference, and get you out of that dark place and moving on. You'll never "get over it", but it will get a little easier with the right help. Good luck OP.


Edit to remove sig.

Edited by SCARFACE CLAW, 11 January 2013 - 11:12 PM.


#9 Guest_Sunnycat_*

Posted 11 January 2013 - 11:08 PM

Your friend was unbelievably cruel with the way she went about telling you. I'm speechless.

Please seek further help to deal with your feelings.

It probably doesn't help much but your loss isn't your fault and unfortunately losses sometimes just happen without any reason. Many people go on to have healthy babies after experiencing a loss and I hope that you will experience this too.

Please take care of yourself.

#10 Coffeegirl

Posted 11 January 2013 - 11:08 PM

OP,  please call one of the helplines in your area.    You are NOT alone

http://www.essentialbaby.com.au/forums/ind...howtopic=500857



#11 BeYOUtiful

Posted 11 January 2013 - 11:10 PM

I am so sorry for your loss sad.gif  I am also sorry your friend has no clue what you have just been through and was completely inconsiderate.  I would give her a wide berth for quite a while.  

I agree with the others speak to Lifeline.

#12 Froger

Posted 11 January 2013 - 11:11 PM

So sorry for your loss of your baby. That was a dreadfully heartbreaking and awful thing for that person to say to you. I have no idea either why someone would say such a thing. Some people just don't think.




#13 lucky 2

Posted 11 January 2013 - 11:16 PM

Hi Leese, I have copied the SA helplines from the link above.
QUOTE
SOUTH AUSTRALIA

Families SA After-Hours Crisis Care - 13 16 11
Crisis Care is the after-hours service provided by qualified Families SA social workers for crises including suicidal behaviours, personal trauma or high-risk adolescence behaviour or need. It operates from 4pm to 9am and 24 hours on weekends and public holidays.

Parent Helpline - 1300 364 100
http://www.parenting...ov.au/helpline/
Provides telephone information, counselling and support 24 hours a day, seven days a week, every day of the year. Available to parents of children and young people from birth to 25 years and to people working with children and young people, including teachers and childcare providers.

SA Mental Health CRISIS Team - 13 14 65 or (rural) 1800 182 232
24/7 mental health telephone emergency and crisis intervention service



As others have suggested please make contact with one of these support services.
I hope you are not alone, perhaps your children are at home with you?

#14 Bedge

Posted 11 January 2013 - 11:17 PM

You have us! As I begin to type, I see other girls madly typing in reply to you at the same time. original.gif

Honestly ... I have suffered from bad depression (I got to the point where I physically couldn't even eat) .. I went to a hospital/mental health clinic for 10 days, and it was the best thing I have ever done! It was a theraputic environment, I met amazing people and gained so much insight. I wasn't forced on to medication.

You know that you are suffering. You need to put yourself first, and do what you need to heal and move forward. Yes, people may have their opinion of you and how you should cope with things and you may take some flack for that (as people rarley understand such complex emotions) ... although you have to put that aside. What matters is how you feel, how you are going to cope and how you are going to help yourself.

Please please please focus on yourself ... 'people' aren't going to build you back up, you need to do this. It does seem overwhelming and impossible ... although it is not.

How you feel now is not forever.

Pls contact Lifeline and discuss what is happening with you. They will offer support, suggestion and advise to help you immediately. You can also attend your local ER if you feel your situation is getting worse.

Next week, pls see your GP for further help and assessment of your current situation.

You are going to be ok.  hheart.gif





#15 HappyLife

Posted 11 January 2013 - 11:18 PM

Oh you poor thing! Please know you did not cause your miscarriage! As much as you want to blame yourself, it's not your fault. My heart aches for how you must be feeling bbighug.gif    

As others have said, I think it is important that you get some counselling. Lifeline is a great starting point. Having someone there to talk to is very important.

Also, people who have miscarried do go on to have happy healthy babies, so don't lose hope.

Please seek out some help via lifeline or beyond blue ASAP & take the time you need to grieve for your loss and become healthy again for you & your family. Best of luck, and please know we're here to listen, but please seek help from those organisations that can really make a difference.

#16 bluedragon

Posted 11 January 2013 - 11:32 PM

I could not read your post and not reply. Please don't blame yourself for the loss of your baby, it was NOT your fault.

I have not been through what you have but supported a friend who miscarried at 12 weeks and she felt very much like you do. You need to talk to someone about it. Please ring lifeline now, they will be able to help.

Your 'friend' is a completely self-centred, unfeeling cow and I would not be having any contact with her any time soon. Only you can decide if your friendship is salvageable but that is a question for the future, for now just stay away from her.

I really hope you get the help you need to heal  bbighug.gif

#17 wintergirl

Posted 11 January 2013 - 11:37 PM

I am so sorry for your loss, and for your friends inconsideration and hurtful comments. I suspect that she is just excited and trying to include you maybe thinking it would help? Some people just don't realise how much pain you are in.
I found a lot of support through SIDS. My GP told me about them. They offer counselling to anyone who has lost a pregnancy or child, not just through SIDS. They also connected me to someone local who had been through a very similar experience and she and I would talk regularly or if I was having a bad day I would call her, she is one of my closest friends now.
You are not alone.
Please call Lifeline, they are wonderful.
bbighug.gif

#18 Bwok~Bwok

Posted 11 January 2013 - 11:52 PM

First off, please don't blame yourself for your miscarriage.

Secondly - honey you have been trying to deal with this on your own for 5 weeks now, now you need to reach out and ask someone to help you (and I know that is easier said than done). Call Lifeline, so you can at least talk to someone that will listen.

I couldn't imagine trying to go through this without having any support!

Edited by Bwok~Bwok, 11 January 2013 - 11:53 PM.


#19 MooGuru

Posted 12 January 2013 - 12:19 AM

I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't even begin to imagine what you are going through.
Please contact Lifeline or BeyondBlue. You need support and you need it ASAP.

Also I know you don't know me but could you make a promise to EBers that you won't hurt yourself and if you feel you can't keep that promise you will call someone, Lifeline, BeyondBlue, 000.

#20 Leese_ttc

Posted 12 January 2013 - 12:26 AM

I'm sorry, lost it there for a minute. I won't hurt myself as I have 4 beautiful children. It's just so hard. I want to be pregnant again more than anything. My friend really set me off and I guess I want reassurance that it will happen. This is so hard. Thanks for caring, your already helping, I just need to talk.

#21 Froger

Posted 12 January 2013 - 12:37 AM

I'm really glad you came back to the thread OP. So glad you are safe. A lot of people were concerned about you.

Maybe during the day you could come and post in the pregnancy loss forum. There are alot of lovely supportive women there who have been through a similar situation.

There are not a lot of people around at this time of night, so you may not get so many replies now. But you are not alone.

Take care OP.


Edited by SarahM72, 12 January 2013 - 12:38 AM.


#22 angel-eyes75

Posted 12 January 2013 - 01:11 AM

I to have been where you are.  Let me start by telling you does get easier to cope and no you did nothing wrong.  
I myself already had 3 children and lost my beautiful Joshua at 16 weeks gestation.  I was heart broken and would have done anything to have him back.  
What you are feeling is completly normal part of greiving.
I found by shareing my feelings with a complete stranger helped me deal with and understand my pain.  So please speak to someone.  Many a times I picked up the phone and dialed the sands number but hung up when someone answered eventually I found the strength to actually talk to someone and it helped me imensely.
I found and wrote poems for my little angel baby and have one that I placed in a frame.  It helped me celebrate that he was a part of our family and will always be apart of our family not in body but in spirit.

I did go on to have more children all healthy pregnancies.
Give yourself time to grieve give your body time to heal.
And remember your angel will always have their own special place in your heart.

Eb is a fantastic place to release your emotions it helped me greatly just being able to write it all down.
But please find the strength to seek out professional help as well.
Take care

#23 Lady Lovely Locks

Posted 12 January 2013 - 07:02 AM

HI OP, I hope that you are feeling a bit better this morning. I am terribly sorry for the loss of your baby, nobody should have to go through such heartache. I am another that will suggest that you need to speak with someone in real life about this. If you speak with your GP they will be able to refer you to a psychologist that specializes in women's health issues, and will be able to give you accurate information about how to proceed in terms of future pregnancy etc.
Be kind to yourself OP, it has only been 5 weeks, the pain is still raw, but it will get better (as hard as it is to believe) one day at a time.
xoxo

#24 elmo_mum

Posted 12 January 2013 - 07:17 AM

words cant describe what i want to say/do to your "friend"

although i want to hug you!!!!!


try SANDS and also PANDA

otherwise, present to youe er and they WILL Help!!!!

if there is a "womrns" hospi in sa, go there

i had pnd and presented to er at the royal womens (melb) and the staff were supportive



#25 MummyLyss

Posted 12 January 2013 - 07:29 AM

Leese, I am so sorry for your loss! I have no idea what you are going through personally. My SILs son was born sleeping at 34 weeks almost 1 year ago. Trying to support her through her loss was mind-boggling. Looking back, there were things that I said (well intentioned) that were not helpful. I think by about 4-5 weeks I just wanted to distract her from her pain, so tried to talk about other things. About 3 months later she became pregnant again -- she is currently enjoying a healthy pregnancy and is 28 weeks. I think your friend didn't mean to hurt you, I think she just wanted to try and take your mind off it. Maybe in a few days you can call her and explain that you are happy for her news, but that it really hurt your feelings that she would tell you like that when you are still hurting so badly. I also agree with PPs that you should seek help for your feelings. I have suffered depression for as long as I can remember - in my case it never goes away completely, but after talking with a psychologist and taking meds for a while, now I am better able to cope. I hope that your pain will lessen soon and that you will have a healthy 'sticky' pregnancy soon. Xxxx


1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Teaching our son to say no to violence against women

Today, on White Ribbon Day - and every other day - we're teaching our son to say no to violence against women.

Mothers told to breastfeed in 'spacious' toilet

If there is one thing the owners of Tillings Cafe can be certain of, it is that the eatery won't win the award for Britain's best baby-friendly coffee shop any time soon.

Mother gives name to son dumped down drain

A woman who admitted to dumping her newborn baby down a Sydney drain has reportedly been allowed to give him a name.

Taking small steps to reduce stress

Are you feeling used up by life's stress, family problems and a demanding job you can't turn off? Many people are way beyond work-life exhaustion. They are functioning as robots.

Bad news: we're running out of chocolate

The world's biggest chocolate-maker says we're running out of chocolate.

Born at 23 weeks, 'Chopstick Baby' survives first week

A baby who was born at 23 weeks has survived her first week of life outside the womb.

Manic stations: the nesting instinct in pregnancy

It might sound like temporary insanity, but almost obsessive nesting as you near your due date isn’t uncommon – even if you’re not usually a particularly clean person.

How a baby can survive alone for days on end

The baby found abandoned in a Sydney drain may have been alone for up to six days without being fed, leaving many asking how he could have survived.

When it begins to look a lot like Christmas

A child's excitement at Christmas time is a beautiful thing, but one dad ponders whether his toddler daughter is getting into the festive mood a bit too soon.

Hospital lets dads the experience some of the pain of childbirth

A new experience is radically altering men's views of childbirth.

Italian doctors questioned over formula bribes

Italian police have placed 12 doctors under house arrest on suspicion of promoting baby milk formula over breastfeeding.

Heartwarming prank gives single mum the house she was hired to clean

Cara Simmons arrived at work to clean a large and beautiful house in time for a party planned for that evening. It was soon hers.

Those special moments of sibling bonding

Every now and then your child does or says something that is truly memorable.

Why we should stop telling new parents to 'enjoy every moment'

A few weeks ago, some dear friends of mine had their first baby. As the proud dad texted me a picture I had to fight the natural instinct to say “Enjoy every moment!”

Baby monitor footage posted online

Footage of Australian babies and children sleeping in their bedrooms are among the images on a Russian site showing live feeds from thousands of homes and businesses around the world.

Did this new dad really hit on his wife's midwife?

Was there really a man who was actually there by his wife’s side as she laboured and gave birth to his child, all while he was making what he perceived to be meaningful eye contact with a midwife?

Keep calm and ignore the Tantrum Trolls

Tantrum Trolls are a small but growing species of predatory bottom-feeders who delight in picking on parents at their most vulnerable.

It's okay to never 'get over' the death of a loved one

The death of children, siblings, and parents has long term impacts on the rest of our lives.

What Mark Latham needs to know about depression and motherhood

Love has nothing to do with mental illness. But love may drive a mother to do something about it.

'We're just trying to keep our child alive': life with FPIES

We have a beautiful seven-month-old son, and his allergy rules our life.

Transgender dad breastfeeds his babies

A transgender man who breastfed his first baby - despite having his breasts removed as part of his transformation from female to male - has now had a second child.

Couple face $1 million medical bill and bankruptcy after babymoon birth

A Canadian couple were slammed with a million dollar medical bill after their daughter was prematurely during their babymoon.

Cigarettes, junk food dominate supermarket sales growth

One in every five dollars spent at supermarkets goes on cigarettes or junk food, according to industry data.

Teacher under fire for breastfeeding in class

There is no doubt mums have a right to continue breastfeeding after they have returned to work, but one teacher in the US has taken it to the extreme.

Win a family pass to Disney Live!

We have 4 family passes to give away to see Disney Live! presents Three Classic Fairy Tales, touring Australia this December/January.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Join PADDINGTON on the red carpet!

To celebrate the release of PADDINGTON, we are giving five lucky winners the chance to win a family pass to the exclusive Australian Premiere in Sydney on December 7!

The tragedy of losing a favourite teddy bear

We were green and uninitiated, perhaps a little naïve when it came to the favourite toy responsibility.

Video: Baby sniffs beardless dad to make sure it's him

She looks him up and down and then touches his chin, but baby Lindsey still isn't sure this clean-shaven man is her dad.

It's possible to workout while pregnant

Medical experts say intense fitness routines can be done safely during pregnancy - if the mums-to-be follow some guidelines.

What parents really want for their kids

Are our hopes, dreams and expectations for our children what they really need?

'I had a feeling something was seriously wrong'

Before even giving birth, Katie Myers' maternal instincts warned her something was wrong with her baby.

When your pregnancy causes a relationship rift

Some dads-to-be don't miss a beat when their partner is pregnant; others struggle with a range of issues and can become withdrawn, right when their support is needed most.

Couple uses group photo trick to announce pregnancy to loved ones

Katharine and Kris Camilli devised a clever trick to immortalise their family and friends' reactions to their exciting pregnancy news.

Why Tracey Spicer has given up make-up

"After 30 years on television, I had become what I despised: a painted doll who spent an hour a day and close to $200 a week putting on a mask."

Knowing you are one of the lucky ones

I am secure, confident and strong, but the responsibility of protecting my children can almost bring me undone.

Why I am so emotional now I have kids?

There are so many ways in which parenthood changes us as women, but one of the most noticeable, for me, has been the changing state of my emotions.

Baby survives despite sharing womb with 'foreign body'

Baby Maia was conceived against the odds, only to find she was sharing a womb with an ominous "foreign body".

Video: Baby shows dog how to jump - or vice versa

They say dog is man's best friend, but this playful pooch seems to have chosen a jumping baby as her number one buddy.

10 ways to soothe a crying baby

New paernts can get frustrated when their newborn gets fussy and can't settle down. When you're feeling overwhelmed, try some of these simple tips to help soothe your baby.

20 baby names that are becoming more popular every year

The data-lovers at nameberry.com have been at it again – this time, they’ve discovered the names that are continually rising up the ranks, ready to take out some top spots in the next few years.

10 great meals to make for new parents

Ideally, you want to give food that isn’t expensive to make, isn't too difficult to create, and freezes well; stews, bakes, soups and pasta sauces are perfect.

Weird pregnancy products

Some pregnancy products come to market and are just awesome. Others just leave you scratching your head.

Carers admit to force-feeding children

Twin brothers have become dads on the same day ? with their partners giving birth in the same hospital, and even the same birthing pool.

 

How many weeks til Christmas?

On your To-Do list

Get the "Santa" shopping done without the kids in tow.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.