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I can't live anymore after my loss
Miscarriage at 16 weeks

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#1 Leese_ttc

Posted 11 January 2013 - 10:55 PM

I hope I am posting in the right place but I really need some desperate help. I'm new here and I'm here because on December 8th I had miscarriage at 15 weeks. It has wrecked  me and today for the first time in my life I thought about ending it all so I wouldn't have to live another day of pain in this dark house with no support network or friends.  TODAY has been the worse by far, I'll take you back 2 days ago. So I called a girl I know telling her I want to die and that I want my baby back more than anything, I told her that the pain is just more than I could bare and I cried so hard that I could barely talk, she didn't say much just that she was here for me and the rest, it was a pretty bad phone call, I couldn't breath I was crying so hard and just kept repeating that it wasn't fair and I want  my baby back, any hoo I let her go as I was so upset and then today I couldn't believe the message I got on my phone when just 2 days ago I was soooo desperate and needing help. This is exactly what it said " OMG I can't believe I'm pregnant, don't tell dh as he told me not to tell you yet but I wanted you to know first, I have never been so happy. I'm sorry for your loss but I wanted you to know first. Give me a call when your free YAY" ?........ Yes that is what she sent, word for word, I couldn't believe it, I immediately lost it and wanted to die. I couldn't believe she would send me that when she knows how bad I am suffering and just 2 days ago I was hysterical on the phone to her. Who the heck would do such a thing? Obviously someone who doesn't care and is very very spitefull , it's almost hard to believe someone would do such a thing. I don't know what to do about that but I'm pretty sure I never wanna talk to her again. Ever since I got pregnant everyone else wanted to and now I have 2 girls I know both 6 weeks along. Why is this happening to me. Even my own partner says he is sick of my depression everyday but I just want my baby back so very much. Nobody understands. I have no friends or family to help me, the doctors just want to give me drugs, I want my period to start again so I can start trying again, it's killing me.i just can't stand it. I can't even afford to go out to the country for a week or 2 to get away and clear my head. I have 4 kids who live with me 1 week then their dad the next and my current partner has a son also but look what happened? I hate myself, I know I did something wrong when I was pregnant but don't know what. Does anyone know if my period will come soon? It's been 5 weeks now, will we be able to get pregnant again? Will I have more miscarriages after this one? I just need a friend or maybe some good happy stories from a similar situation . Will I ever get over this and should I just leave this so called cow of a friend behind me because in my opinion it was pretty bad timing and very cruel. I need something I just don't know what. A holiday or even starting to think of a hospital for such depression but I'm scared my dp will leave me thinking I'm nuts. I'm 30 years old and healthy as far as I know. I just want to go out and scream because this life is becoming  to hard for me to bear. I just want my baby back. I'm sorry guys I talk to much but I have nobody else so here I am. I'm sorry.

Leese x

#2 Leese_ttc

Posted 11 January 2013 - 11:01 PM

Oh and I'm from SA , I've heard of the Teddy Love Club, I've even donated to them years ago and was heart broken at the hospital to not receive any support from staff or the TLC. It seems I'm on my own and that hurts. Sorry for my whining.

Leese x

#3 noonehere

Posted 11 January 2013 - 11:01 PM

i have not had a loss but do have mental health problems, please speak to your partner, give lifeline a call and organise to meet with a trusted doctor.
they will get the ball rolling for you to get help.

so sorry for your loss hhugs.gif

#4 ChickenortheEgg?

Posted 11 January 2013 - 11:01 PM

Please contact Lifeline.

#5 noonehere

Posted 11 January 2013 - 11:02 PM

double post

Edited by duckasorus, 11 January 2013 - 11:04 PM.

#6 tiggy2

Posted 11 January 2013 - 11:04 PM

I'm so sorry for your loss and that you are having such a hard time.
I know it's hard to believe right now but it does get easier with time.
It took me about 8 or 9 weeks to get my period back.

You sound very down, can you talk to someone different? Family? A different friend?

You must feel very hurt by your friend. However, I imagine she has no idea how much she has hurt you, despite your phone call. She is very excited and trying to share that with you without understanding the magnitude of your loss and sadness.

Please don't hurt yourself. Things will get better. You need some support right now, please go and call someone or a support line right now,

Sending you big hugs.

#7 Mrs Dinosaurus

Posted 11 January 2013 - 11:05 PM

I am so sorry for your loss, I found a lot of support through SANDS, I agree lifeline will help right now.

You sound like you need more help than a forum can offer, i sincerely hope you get it soon.


Posted 11 January 2013 - 11:07 PM

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way OP, and that was a truly awful thing for your "friend" to do. I have been in that very dark place before, and I hope you'll take my advice. Go back to your doctor, and get a referal to a good psychiatrist. Try the antidepressants if they recommend them - you can take them during pregnancy. They can really make the world of difference, and get you out of that dark place and moving on. You'll never "get over it", but it will get a little easier with the right help. Good luck OP.

Edit to remove sig.

Edited by SCARFACE CLAW, 11 January 2013 - 11:12 PM.

#9 Guest_Sunnycat_*

Posted 11 January 2013 - 11:08 PM

Your friend was unbelievably cruel with the way she went about telling you. I'm speechless.

Please seek further help to deal with your feelings.

It probably doesn't help much but your loss isn't your fault and unfortunately losses sometimes just happen without any reason. Many people go on to have healthy babies after experiencing a loss and I hope that you will experience this too.

Please take care of yourself.

#10 Coffeegirl

Posted 11 January 2013 - 11:08 PM

OP,  please call one of the helplines in your area.    You are NOT alone


#11 BeYOUtiful

Posted 11 January 2013 - 11:10 PM

I am so sorry for your loss sad.gif  I am also sorry your friend has no clue what you have just been through and was completely inconsiderate.  I would give her a wide berth for quite a while.  

I agree with the others speak to Lifeline.

#12 Froger

Posted 11 January 2013 - 11:11 PM

So sorry for your loss of your baby. That was a dreadfully heartbreaking and awful thing for that person to say to you. I have no idea either why someone would say such a thing. Some people just don't think.

#13 lucky 2

Posted 11 January 2013 - 11:16 PM

Hi Leese, I have copied the SA helplines from the link above.

Families SA After-Hours Crisis Care - 13 16 11
Crisis Care is the after-hours service provided by qualified Families SA social workers for crises including suicidal behaviours, personal trauma or high-risk adolescence behaviour or need. It operates from 4pm to 9am and 24 hours on weekends and public holidays.

Parent Helpline - 1300 364 100
Provides telephone information, counselling and support 24 hours a day, seven days a week, every day of the year. Available to parents of children and young people from birth to 25 years and to people working with children and young people, including teachers and childcare providers.

SA Mental Health CRISIS Team - 13 14 65 or (rural) 1800 182 232
24/7 mental health telephone emergency and crisis intervention service

As others have suggested please make contact with one of these support services.
I hope you are not alone, perhaps your children are at home with you?

#14 Bedge

Posted 11 January 2013 - 11:17 PM

You have us! As I begin to type, I see other girls madly typing in reply to you at the same time. original.gif

Honestly ... I have suffered from bad depression (I got to the point where I physically couldn't even eat) .. I went to a hospital/mental health clinic for 10 days, and it was the best thing I have ever done! It was a theraputic environment, I met amazing people and gained so much insight. I wasn't forced on to medication.

You know that you are suffering. You need to put yourself first, and do what you need to heal and move forward. Yes, people may have their opinion of you and how you should cope with things and you may take some flack for that (as people rarley understand such complex emotions) ... although you have to put that aside. What matters is how you feel, how you are going to cope and how you are going to help yourself.

Please please please focus on yourself ... 'people' aren't going to build you back up, you need to do this. It does seem overwhelming and impossible ... although it is not.

How you feel now is not forever.

Pls contact Lifeline and discuss what is happening with you. They will offer support, suggestion and advise to help you immediately. You can also attend your local ER if you feel your situation is getting worse.

Next week, pls see your GP for further help and assessment of your current situation.

You are going to be ok.  hheart.gif

#15 HappyLife

Posted 11 January 2013 - 11:18 PM

Oh you poor thing! Please know you did not cause your miscarriage! As much as you want to blame yourself, it's not your fault. My heart aches for how you must be feeling bbighug.gif    

As others have said, I think it is important that you get some counselling. Lifeline is a great starting point. Having someone there to talk to is very important.

Also, people who have miscarried do go on to have happy healthy babies, so don't lose hope.

Please seek out some help via lifeline or beyond blue ASAP & take the time you need to grieve for your loss and become healthy again for you & your family. Best of luck, and please know we're here to listen, but please seek help from those organisations that can really make a difference.

#16 bluedragon

Posted 11 January 2013 - 11:32 PM

I could not read your post and not reply. Please don't blame yourself for the loss of your baby, it was NOT your fault.

I have not been through what you have but supported a friend who miscarried at 12 weeks and she felt very much like you do. You need to talk to someone about it. Please ring lifeline now, they will be able to help.

Your 'friend' is a completely self-centred, unfeeling cow and I would not be having any contact with her any time soon. Only you can decide if your friendship is salvageable but that is a question for the future, for now just stay away from her.

I really hope you get the help you need to heal  bbighug.gif

#17 wintergirl

Posted 11 January 2013 - 11:37 PM

I am so sorry for your loss, and for your friends inconsideration and hurtful comments. I suspect that she is just excited and trying to include you maybe thinking it would help? Some people just don't realise how much pain you are in.
I found a lot of support through SIDS. My GP told me about them. They offer counselling to anyone who has lost a pregnancy or child, not just through SIDS. They also connected me to someone local who had been through a very similar experience and she and I would talk regularly or if I was having a bad day I would call her, she is one of my closest friends now.
You are not alone.
Please call Lifeline, they are wonderful.

#18 Bwok~Bwok

Posted 11 January 2013 - 11:52 PM

First off, please don't blame yourself for your miscarriage.

Secondly - honey you have been trying to deal with this on your own for 5 weeks now, now you need to reach out and ask someone to help you (and I know that is easier said than done). Call Lifeline, so you can at least talk to someone that will listen.

I couldn't imagine trying to go through this without having any support!

Edited by Bwok~Bwok, 11 January 2013 - 11:53 PM.

#19 MooGuru

Posted 12 January 2013 - 12:19 AM

I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't even begin to imagine what you are going through.
Please contact Lifeline or BeyondBlue. You need support and you need it ASAP.

Also I know you don't know me but could you make a promise to EBers that you won't hurt yourself and if you feel you can't keep that promise you will call someone, Lifeline, BeyondBlue, 000.

#20 Leese_ttc

Posted 12 January 2013 - 12:26 AM

I'm sorry, lost it there for a minute. I won't hurt myself as I have 4 beautiful children. It's just so hard. I want to be pregnant again more than anything. My friend really set me off and I guess I want reassurance that it will happen. This is so hard. Thanks for caring, your already helping, I just need to talk.

#21 Froger

Posted 12 January 2013 - 12:37 AM

I'm really glad you came back to the thread OP. So glad you are safe. A lot of people were concerned about you.

Maybe during the day you could come and post in the pregnancy loss forum. There are alot of lovely supportive women there who have been through a similar situation.

There are not a lot of people around at this time of night, so you may not get so many replies now. But you are not alone.

Take care OP.

Edited by SarahM72, 12 January 2013 - 12:38 AM.

#22 angel-eyes75

Posted 12 January 2013 - 01:11 AM

I to have been where you are.  Let me start by telling you does get easier to cope and no you did nothing wrong.  
I myself already had 3 children and lost my beautiful Joshua at 16 weeks gestation.  I was heart broken and would have done anything to have him back.  
What you are feeling is completly normal part of greiving.
I found by shareing my feelings with a complete stranger helped me deal with and understand my pain.  So please speak to someone.  Many a times I picked up the phone and dialed the sands number but hung up when someone answered eventually I found the strength to actually talk to someone and it helped me imensely.
I found and wrote poems for my little angel baby and have one that I placed in a frame.  It helped me celebrate that he was a part of our family and will always be apart of our family not in body but in spirit.

I did go on to have more children all healthy pregnancies.
Give yourself time to grieve give your body time to heal.
And remember your angel will always have their own special place in your heart.

Eb is a fantastic place to release your emotions it helped me greatly just being able to write it all down.
But please find the strength to seek out professional help as well.
Take care

#23 Lady Lovely Locks

Posted 12 January 2013 - 07:02 AM

HI OP, I hope that you are feeling a bit better this morning. I am terribly sorry for the loss of your baby, nobody should have to go through such heartache. I am another that will suggest that you need to speak with someone in real life about this. If you speak with your GP they will be able to refer you to a psychologist that specializes in women's health issues, and will be able to give you accurate information about how to proceed in terms of future pregnancy etc.
Be kind to yourself OP, it has only been 5 weeks, the pain is still raw, but it will get better (as hard as it is to believe) one day at a time.

#24 elmo_mum

Posted 12 January 2013 - 07:17 AM

words cant describe what i want to say/do to your "friend"

although i want to hug you!!!!!

try SANDS and also PANDA

otherwise, present to youe er and they WILL Help!!!!

if there is a "womrns" hospi in sa, go there

i had pnd and presented to er at the royal womens (melb) and the staff were supportive

#25 MummyLyss

Posted 12 January 2013 - 07:29 AM

Leese, I am so sorry for your loss! I have no idea what you are going through personally. My SILs son was born sleeping at 34 weeks almost 1 year ago. Trying to support her through her loss was mind-boggling. Looking back, there were things that I said (well intentioned) that were not helpful. I think by about 4-5 weeks I just wanted to distract her from her pain, so tried to talk about other things. About 3 months later she became pregnant again -- she is currently enjoying a healthy pregnancy and is 28 weeks. I think your friend didn't mean to hurt you, I think she just wanted to try and take your mind off it. Maybe in a few days you can call her and explain that you are happy for her news, but that it really hurt your feelings that she would tell you like that when you are still hurting so badly. I also agree with PPs that you should seek help for your feelings. I have suffered depression for as long as I can remember - in my case it never goes away completely, but after talking with a psychologist and taking meds for a while, now I am better able to cope. I hope that your pain will lessen soon and that you will have a healthy 'sticky' pregnancy soon. Xxxx

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