Jump to content

Random WDYT - Ettiquette


  • Please log in to reply
30 replies to this topic

#1 MsFeralFembo

Posted 10 January 2013 - 03:36 PM

I’ll warn you now this is a random question, but my friend has gotten me wondering lol

So my good friend is getting married and we’re discussing her invitations. There is a friend of her partner’s that have been married a few months and she doesn’t know if the wife has kept her own name, taken on her husbands or hyphenated. She asks her partner, he doesn’t know either.

Anyways, I know many women who keep their surname on marriage get annoyed at receiving mail addressed to “Mr & Mrs His Surname”.  What I’m wondering is, would most women who take their husband’s name find it annoying/offensive to get an invitation addressed to “Mr His Surname & Ms Her Maiden Name”?

Personally I wouldn’t give a rats either way, but what do you think the correct etiquette would be if you couldn’t find out? (I’ve told my friend she should get her partner to find out for sure, but lets say hypothetically you couldn’t)

WDYT? Safer to address things to “Mr & Mrs His Surname” or “Mr His Surname & Ms Her Maiden Name”?

Edited by JBaby, 10 January 2013 - 03:39 PM.


#2 HRH Countrymel

Posted 10 January 2013 - 03:43 PM

My partner and I aren't married - we tend to get joint invitations/letters/etc. addressed to our first names only.

I think for some people it is because they can't remember my or DP's surname though!

#3 50ftqueenie

Posted 10 January 2013 - 03:44 PM

How hard is it for her partner to send a text to his friend saying "what is X's last name.  Need to know for invitations"

If we're playing hypotheticals then just use first names.

Edited by 50ftqueenie, 10 January 2013 - 03:46 PM.


#4 Queen Yoda

Posted 10 January 2013 - 03:46 PM

QUOTE (JBaby @ 10/01/2013, 03:36 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
What I’m wondering is, would most women who take their husband’s name find it annoying/offensive to get an invitation addressed to “Mr His Surname & Ms Her Maiden Name”?

As one married woman who has taken her husband's name, I wouldn't be offended.  

Why doesn't your friend (or her partner) just ask the woman in question?


QUOTE (JBaby @ 10/01/2013, 03:36 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Personally I wouldn’t give a rats either way, but what do you think the correct etiquette would be if you couldn’t find out? (I’ve told my friend she should get her partner to find out for sure, but lets say hypothetically you couldn’t)

WDYT? Safer to address things to “Mr & Mrs His Surname” or “Mr His Surname & Ms Her Maiden Name”?

If I couldn't find out prior to sending out the invitations, I'd probably address it as “Mr & Mrs His Surname” , because it is more conventional to do that.

A couple of girlfriends have keep their maiden names.  They don't get offended if they receive mail for Mr and Mrs His Surname".  Just as their husbands don't get offended if they received mail address to "Mr and Mrs Her Surname", which does happen occasionally.

#5 MrsLexiK

Posted 10 January 2013 - 03:47 PM

Failing sending a text message when in doubt I do not assume and would go with Mr and Ms or like in my case I just used the first name of our friends and resereved the Mr and Mrs for the older people.

ETA: I realised I would leave the DH's first name off because I cannot stand being addressed as basically nothing more then an extension of my DH.  I have since changed my name (finally) but I would be peeved to receive an invite with only his first name. If using the same last name I always put Mr W and Mrs F Smith for example.

Edited by MrsLexiK, 10 January 2013 - 03:54 PM.


#6 Mpjp is feral

Posted 10 January 2013 - 03:48 PM

We get mail from our real estate agent addressed to:

"Mr and Mrs His Surname and Ms Her Maiden Name".

That way they are covering all bases!!!

I don't have my dh's name....but I don't care if I get mail addressed to me as that! Doesn't ruin my day or anything!!

#7 Feral Grey Mare

Posted 10 January 2013 - 03:48 PM

Most people are probably adult enough not to get sniffy if an inviter assumes they have taken their husband's surname. All they have to do is reply to the invitation using their preferred name.

#8 Bunsen the feral

Posted 10 January 2013 - 03:50 PM

I'd say assuming she changed her name was more likely to offend than using her maiden name but most people I know only really get offended if they get referred to as Mrs His first name His surname.

Personally I would either address it to Mr His Name and Ms Maiden name or Mr and Mrs Hername-Hisname. Either way I would include a little note saying "we just realised we don't know if you have changed your name, please let us know what you prefer to be known as"

#9 StinkyFeet

Posted 10 January 2013 - 03:50 PM

I don't have my husband's surname - I absolutely HATE when I get mail to Mr & Mrs Bill Smith.  I don't mind it addressed to Mr & Mrs Smith (even though I'm not a Mrs nor am I a Smith) - we're married and it doesn't worry me at all.

You'd be safe going for Mr & Mrs HisSurname.

Sometimes we do get mail to Mr & Mrs MySurname (which makes me chuckle - it doesn't worry DH at all).



#10 *LucyE*

Posted 10 January 2013 - 03:52 PM

The correct thing to do would be to show the respect to ask and address it correctly.

I personally don't care - I still get some things in my maiden name as well as my married name. I get mildly annoyed at Mr and Mrs DH first name and surname. I also get mildly annoyed at the Ms title but that's because it demonstrates a lack of care or understanding of me.

#11 JRA

Posted 10 January 2013 - 03:55 PM

Why not just ask them. Surely they are
Friends if they are being invited to the wedding. Why is that so hard?

#12 BatDog

Posted 10 January 2013 - 03:58 PM

If she can't find out, I would address the envelope to Mr and Mrs His Surname and on the actual invitations, use their first names.

The polite thing to do would be to find out though.

#13 bakesgirls

Posted 10 January 2013 - 04:02 PM

I have never used my married name, I still go by my 'maiden' name. We get mail all the time addressed to Mr and Mrs HisSurname. I couldn't care less.

#14 elizabethany

Posted 10 January 2013 - 04:11 PM

I would ask, and try to get it right, but given the hypothetical of not being able to find out, I would go with Mr & Mrs His Surname.  I am currently trying to think of ANY married couple that I am friends with where she did not take his name.  Yup, one, because she has the title Dr, and people would always assume the Dr is male.

#15 Jane Jetson

Posted 10 January 2013 - 04:14 PM

I'd just text and ask her what she prefers.

We get all sorts of permutations here, the most common incorrect one being Mr and Mrs Myoldsurname. Neither of us mind - usually. The one that bothers us is Mr and Mrs Hisfirstname Oursurname.

#16 YandiGirl

Posted 10 January 2013 - 04:16 PM

Friends of mine who aren't married often get mail addressed to Dr and Mrs Surname.

The funny thing though is that She's the Dr.....  biggrin.gif

Oh, and neither of them care either way which surname is used. They know who each is.

#17 BadCat

Posted 10 January 2013 - 04:23 PM

I prefer my mail to be addressed to The Mighty Overlord.



#18 namie

Posted 10 January 2013 - 04:28 PM

DP and I often get mail addressed to Mr & Mrs MySurname HisSurname. Admittedly it is usually from his family, lol! Mostly we get things addressed to MyFirstName & HisFirstName

If we were married and I hadn't taken his surname (my intention is to not change if we do marry) it wouldn't bother me to be addressed as Mr & Mrs HisSurname. I could see this happening with more old school people in my family.

It would greatly annoy me to be Mr & Mrs HisFirstName HisSurname. I have my own first name which has been mine from birth and will never change.

But I agree with the others - good etiquette, whether close friends or not, would be to find out for sure so you can address it correctly. A Christmas card envelope may not matter so much, but a pre-printed wedding invitation is a pretty big deal to have incorrect.

#19 Chief Pancake Make

Posted 10 January 2013 - 04:32 PM

On my wedding invitations I adressed the envelope to Mr Smith and on the invite put John & Jayne.

When they RSVPed yes I foundout her surname for the table places.

It really Peeves me when I get mail adressed to Mrs Ben Smith*  (not my real name).  Yes I took his surname, but I dont recall changing my first name to Ben.   The only person who does this is my mother and I have threatened to return her mail.

#20 ~Nic~

Posted 10 January 2013 - 04:34 PM

I would just address the envelope in his name, and then put both first names on the invite.

#21 HappyWomble

Posted 10 January 2013 - 04:44 PM

Our wedding invitations went out to first names (and it gave me room to have the kids names on the envelope too). Wasn't a super formal wedding but super formal hand addressed invites biggrin.gif (I'm a designer, did them all myself. Unfortunately it was all so neat, people thought my handwriting was a fancy typed font sad.gif )

And I HATE with a passion being referred to as Mrs HisLastName. I'm Ms MyLastName.

Edited by HappyWomble, 10 January 2013 - 04:46 PM.


#22 MsFeralFembo

Posted 10 January 2013 - 05:15 PM

QUOTE (BadCat @ 10/01/2013, 03:23 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I prefer my mail to be addressed to The Mighty Overlord.

LOL


QUOTE (~Nic~ @ 10/01/2013, 03:34 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I would just address the envelope in his name, and then put both first names on the invite.

Brilliant, can't be wrong!


To clarify my friend has never met the woman and the husband is an old school friend of her fiancee’s she’s only met once (lives interstate) which is why she hasn't just asked directly, but like I said in OP I’m sure she will l get the correct name before invitations go out. I was just curious about the hypothetical situation original.gif

Also, only thinking of the names on the envelope, I don't think I've ever recieved a wedding invite with first and last name on it...? Guess my friends/family's weddings arent that fancy lol

I have NEVER been addressed “Mrs his firstname his last name” and if I did I would think the person addressing it was from the dark ages! I'm surprised anyone does this...

Edited by JBaby, 10 January 2013 - 05:18 PM.


#23 Acidulous Osprey

Posted 10 January 2013 - 05:21 PM

My aunt routinely sends us a Xmas card addressed to Mr and Mrs His First Name and then a surname that belongs to neither of us.

#24 Bel Rowley

Posted 10 January 2013 - 05:22 PM

QUOTE (*LucyE* @ 10/01/2013, 04:52 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
The correct thing to do would be to show the respect to ask and address it correctly.

I agree.

I am someone who is very proud to be Ms G S____, but I am not deeply offended at wedding invitations addressed to Mr and Mrs D____  or M & G D_____. What does offend me is when I RSVP with "G S____ and M D____" will attend, and my placecard at the wedding still says "G D_____".

#25 ImpatientAnna

Posted 10 January 2013 - 05:28 PM

QUOTE (50ftqueenie @ 10/01/2013, 04:44 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
How hard is it for her partner to send a text to his friend saying "what is X's last name.  Need to know for invitations"

If we're playing hypotheticals then just use first names.

This - DP should just txt friend and say 'what's your wife's surname?'

Me, personally, well I couldn't give a sh*t but even my parents thought I switched names until we named our son with my surname. They are a bit traditional and didn't think to ask.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Get your FREE Baby & Toddler Show ticket!

Get your free ticket to the Sydney Essential Baby & Toddler Show for September 25-27 - register online now.

A solo birth, a wasp swarm and a forest fire: mum and baby's amazing story of survival

Desperate, out of petrol and low on food, a new mother lit a fire in the hope of attracting attention.

Boy found on swing died of hypothermia and dehydration, autopsy finds

The story was chilling and heartbreaking: a three-year-old boy was found dead in a Southern Maryland park, his mother pushing him on the swing.

Child's play and laughter help battle fatigue

Feeling fatigued? Uh-huh, thought as much. Join the queue.

Dad shares entertaining 'how to hold a baby' clip

For many new dads, their own child is the first baby they have ever held. So one dad has posted an instructive YouTube video titled "How to Hold a Baby".

The Australian baby with 100,000 Facebook fans

She may be only eight months old, but Egypt has already amassed more than 100,000 fans and received a letter from royalty - Hollywood royalty that is.

Public welcome outside church for Princess Charlotte's christening

Duke and Duchess of Cambridge have invited well-wishers to see Princess Charlotte outside church in Sandringham on day of her baptism.

Tongue tie: what you need to know

Tongue and lip tie can lead to many problems for babies - and their parents. Here are the signs of tongue tie and how it's treated.

My daughter is small but that doesn't matter

My daughter may be small, but it's my job as her parent to refocus back where it belongs - on who she is as a person

Wet wipes linked to rise in allergic reactions

The government has issued a health warning after a rise in allergic skin reactions has been linked to a preservative found in some wet wipes.

Gay couple in their 80s first to wed in Dallas after Supreme Court ruling

Love may have won, but it came with quite the wait.

William Tyrrell's family marks birthday with cake and renewed appeal

The family of missing boy William Tyrrell will mark his fourth birthday on Friday making a cake to share with friends and family as NSW police renewed their public appeal for information on his disappearance.

What all parents should know about safe babywearing

A picture of Ryan Reynolds always gets the girls talking, and a recently shared photo has done exactly that - but this time, it's for all the wrong reasons.

Baby's head shape reveals potentially fatal condition

Thinking her baby just had an unusually shaped head, a mother was shocked to discover it was instead linked to a dangerous condition.

'Help - my toddler hits me!'

My toddler has started hitting when he gets frustrated, is feeling ignored, or just thinks it might be fun.

Why IVF success rates may not be what you think

Transparency, accountability and responsibilityare essential measures to protect IVF vulnerable patients.

On the 10th anniversary of my son's death

This day marks a significant day. Today marks 10 years since I lost my son Kai.

Mother-in-law 'from hell' inspires survival guide

The happily ever after Nicola Milan had imagined wasn't to be – and she blames her mother-in-law.

Name your baby Quinoa, win a $10K gift card

Choosing a name for your little bundle of joy is always a major decision. It can be something traditional, trendy, creative … or inspired by the menu of your favourite chain restaurant.

Owning a pair of nail scissors does not make me a hairdresser

It's been a whole year since sleeping in until 10am. A whole year since having a peaceful shower.

The 83 children who were tragically let down in the last decade

Over a 10-year period, 83 children died from domestic violence abuse in NSW, with three quarters of the victims aged five years or under, the NSW Ombudsman has revealed.

Expert Q&A: Gross motor skill development in toddlers and preschoolers

Dr Katie Heathershaw answers questions about jumping, toe walking, riding a bike and being pigeon toed.

Is it reasonable to expect your partner to give up drinking in pregnancy?

From the moment that I fell pregnant with my son, I realised just how much my life had already started to change.

Stroke victim joins class action against makers of popular contraceptive pill

"I was terrified I would always be this way. The pill needs to come with a much higher warning."

Sexy time

Why you should get excited about scheduling sex

Unfortunately, the belief that sex should always be spontaneous is a myth. It just isn't.

When newborn photoshoots get messy

When it comes to newborn photoshoots, it is all about the timing.

Orphaned baby daughter Ayla wakes from coma

Former All Black Jerry Collins' critically injured orphaned daughter has awoken from her coma and is able to bottle-feed.

Dad takes miraculous catch while feeding baby

One American father has taken multitasking to a new level at a Cubs-Dodgers baseball game at Wrigley Field.

'Samuel is our firstborn, and he will never be forgotten'

Having lost their firstborn at one day old, the Carrolls were overjoyed to welcome their daughter Isobel into the world a year later.

Channel 10's Sarah Harris expecting first child

The Studio host Sarah Harris doesn't mind if her first baby is a boy or girl, but she does hope it is born with one thing in particular.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

27 funny ultrasound pictures

Ultrasounds give you a look at your growing baby ... and sometimes what appears to their womb-buddy, or your bub in an amusing position.

The top 6 misleading parenting terms

From 'morning sickness' to 'the terrible twos', there are many parenting terms that are misleading.

When 'good' nannies go bad

While most nannies take pride in their work, there can be some who have a hidden side.

Woman hospitalised for skinny jeans injury

Beware: skinny jeans might be bad for your health.

Gauze seeding: the bacteria-breeding birth trend

A number of women having caesarean deliveries are now taking steps to give their baby a better 'microbiome' start in life.

Jimmy Fallon writes new children's book for dads

Jimmy Fallon, host of NBC's The Tonight Show, recently wrote a children's book about every father's secret wish for their baby's first word to be "dada" - not "mama".

28 names for babies born in winter

Looking for some baby name inspiration for a bub born during the colder months? Here are 28 options from around the world to consider.

The horrible act that sparked a brawl at child's birthday party

The uncle of the seven-year-old girl at the centre of the brawl at child's birthday party in Sydney's west has described the events leading up to the alarming show of violence.

Babies 'benefit from iPads at a young age': study

More often than not, you'll read that screen time for children should be kept to a minimum - but some scientists are now challenging this way of thinking.

Do mums really just obsessively talk about their children?

Natalie Reilly describes three main types of conversations mothers have. And, surprise, they're not all about kids.

Why some dogs might attack babies or young kids

A baby's smell, the noises it makes and even its gaze can contribute to the potential for a dog attack.

Mum demands refund for 'beargina' christening cake

It was meant to be a tasteful cake to help celebrate a three-year-old's christening.

5 things no one warns you about after giving birth

How many times have you been warned about all the sleepless nights you have to 'look forward to' when you become a parent?

Police officer sang nursery rhyme as heartbreaking photo was taken

A police officer arrived at a devastating scene on Thursday: a car crash resulting in all passengers being thrown from the vehicle.

Don't worry, working mums: Just leave Dad in charge at home

Want to open the boardroom doors for women? Encourage - heck, praise - dads who stay home with their children.

Hilaria Baldwin shares post-baby selfie

Just two days after giving birth, actor Alec Balwin's wife posted a post-baby picture on social media.

'Help - my child won't ever do what I ask!'

Compliance is part of the parent-child relationship, but so is resistance. It's all natural.

Postnatal depression support gets $23 million boost in NSW

The Baird government will include $22.8 million in Tuesday's NSW budget to expand a program designed to help parents at risk of postnatal depression (PND).

'I'm just as tired, scared and stressed as you': stay-at-home dad's plea

I'm really lucky to have two great kids, but I found it really tough with so much being aimed at the mothers and not the fathers.

 

FREE TICKET

Get your FREE ticket to the Baby & Toddler Show

Get your free ticket to the Sydney Essential Baby & Toddler Show for September 25-27 - register online now.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.