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What the other kids at kindy say (according to DD)!
Wondering if I dealt with it the right way

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7 replies to this topic

#1 matildasmummy

Posted 10 January 2013 - 07:27 AM

Good morning all

Just wanted to put something out there that has been bugging me for a few days.

DD4 just randomly blurted out to me "gay is bad" ohmy.gif .

After the getting over the shock, I asked her if she knew what it meant, which was followed by "no - but that's what the other kids at preschool say". When I then asked her which kids say it she just told me the names of all her friends and that "my friends don't say that".

I then proceed to explain how the word gay can have more than one meaning: the first being happy! However, I am a bit worried about my explanation of the second meaning. It went something like this:

"DD4, you know how some people love each other very much?"

"Like you and daddy?"

"Yep, and you know we are a boy and a girl?"


"Well when, a boy loves a boy very much and a girl loves a girl very much, like mummy and daddy love each other very much, it is called being gay and there is nothing wrong with that. Mummy's friend (name) and Auntie V's friend (name) are gay and they are cool right?"

"Oh yeah, mummy I like them very much! So gay is not a bad thing? It's good because loving someone is good isn't it?"

"Yep - and if you hear anyone say it's bad again, just remember our talk"."

"So why do people say it's bad?"

"Because some people don't understand and to say bad things about something you don't understand is silly."

So what I'm worried about: I did not bring her initial comment up with her Group Leader at Kindy - I just put it down to kids being kids repeating what they hear from others, but FFS, these are 4 year olds!!!!!!!! I admit though, when it comes to my kids, I don't answer their questions with other descriptives (ie they know what penises and vaginas are etc) and I suppose just having to explain to DD4 that people think things are bad when they aren't concerns me a bit.

So do you think I handled it ok? What pearlers have your kids brought home from kindy?

#2 BadCat

Posted 10 January 2013 - 12:10 PM

Sounds like you handled it just fine.

When my kids asked about gay I just said something along the lines of it being when a boy loves another boy or a girl loves another girl in a kissy kind of way (it's what they understood at the time laughing2.gif) and then pointed out BIL and his partner.  They were cool with that.

My kids haven't really come home with any rippers but I do remember my brother coming home and telling mum that kids thought his friend was weird because he was Croshun.  Took a while to figure out that Croshun was in fact Croatian and the kids thought he was a bit odd because his mum didn't speak much English and he had a slight accent.  This was a long time ago when Australia was less multicultural than it is now.

#3 MrsLexiK

Posted 10 January 2013 - 12:14 PM

I am filling this away in the back of my brain to use in about 4 and a bit years.  I think you handled it great!

#4 Oriental lily

Posted 10 January 2013 - 12:21 PM

To add to the confusion I think the younger generation is using at a slang term for something bad.
Like if someone plays a video game badly they get'your so gay'
Often these people saying this are not at all homophobic or feel negative towards the gay community. It's not about sexuality at all.
Just a ridiculous slang term that is becoming acceptable.

So op the little ones might of picked up on this as well.

I think you handled  it fine.

#5 Apageintime

Posted 10 January 2013 - 12:21 PM

My cousin came home from kindy and apparently the other kids had told him he'd get a new baby in their house soon, cause apprently thats what happens if your mum is fat.

My aunt was horrified - she's a size 12 and not overweight, but for about 2 months my cousin kept asking her when she was having the baby.

OP, I think you explained it well, I'd be mentioning it to the kindy teacher so they can maybe talk about something like "families come in all shapes an sizes" I'd hate for a child with same sex parents to hear this kind of thing at kindy.

#6 3mummy3

Posted 10 January 2013 - 12:23 PM

I think your exlanation was great.
However it may be that the kids werent talking about gay as in homosexual. I know a few kids that describe things as being gay, as in "thats gay!" as opposite to "thats cool!".

#7 lylac

Posted 10 January 2013 - 12:24 PM

I think you did great.

#8 Beanbag Warrior

Posted 10 January 2013 - 12:25 PM

It's definitely used as a term to imply something is less than satisfactory to the individual amongst preteens and older.  "Maths is gay.  I played HALO last night, it was so gay."


I just keep saying "I didn't realise [subject of slur] had feelings or a sexual preference."

It's not surprising that younger siblings are picking it up.

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