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My poor little baby :(


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#1 Funwith3

Posted 09 January 2013 - 06:55 PM

I'm really trying to distract myself from the sounds of my poor little DD crying her lungs out.

I'm trying to get her to self settle. I'm so torn and confused about how to do this. I've read several books, I've taken advice from friends, and she is my third child - you would think it gets easier and that you just know what to do!! But I don't!!

My fault - I've got into the terrible habit of breast feeding her to sleep for every single sleep she has. Most of the time in the evening I have to feed her quite a few times before she eventually settles. Even then, she will often wake up at 8pm and/or 9 pm and/or 10pm and each time I just feed her back to sleep. I also do a dream feed at 11ish and then she wakes again at anywhere between 3-6am and I feed her again.

I'm over it. She's 7.5 months old and I'm exhausted from it, I just want her to go to bed at 7pm and go to sleep.

So I've tried staying in there with her - singing, patting, rubbing, tried all different sleeping positions, too hot, too cold, picking her up and rocking, sitting on our rocking chair - everything. She just wants to be fed again. But I fed her less than an hour ago. She's had lots of solids today.

I've now walked out and left her in her cot in her room with the door shut, because I'm scared I will lose my temper with her.

Edited by Funwith3, 09 January 2013 - 06:55 PM.


#2 Sugared

Posted 09 January 2013 - 06:59 PM

I don't have any suggestions, but I just wanted to respond and say that i can imagine how you're feeling. You sound like you need a big hug, I hope someone is nearby to give you one. bbighug.gif


#3 EffiesMum172

Posted 09 January 2013 - 07:00 PM

.

Edited by EffiesMum172, 15 January 2013 - 11:06 PM.


#4 Feral-as-Meggs

Posted 09 January 2013 - 07:03 PM

I know that feeling of having to walk out, after trying everything, in fear of losing my temper.

I found that a quick shower was enough to resettle me, and then I could try again.   By that point my DS was usually convinced it was really bed time and was accepting of being rocked/patted to sleep after a sip of water from a cup.  

Hope she settles soon.  It is worth overcoming a strong feed to sleep association.

#5 Oriental lily

Posted 09 January 2013 - 07:03 PM

She is very young to self settle.
Op I am not a advocate of cc. My eldest dd was a cc failure and if anything caused things to be much much worse as her anxiety levels got much worse increasing her need for us to comfort her.

I know it's hard to have a baby that is high demanding. By your babies age my baby had stopped sleeping during the day totally except for the car and getting her to sleep at night longer than a couple of hours was nearly impossible.

Somehow we muddled through.

I decided to co sleep with my second and third babies.

Get professional help if you feel you need it but a child having difficulties sleeping at your child age is not abnormal.

Maybe your expectations need to change instead of her?

#6 MrsDamonSalvatore

Posted 09 January 2013 - 07:03 PM

Time to take a break hon. Do you have someone there helping and supporting you?

Take a deep breath and remember this too shall pAss

bbighug.gif

#7 AntiBourgeoisie

Posted 09 January 2013 - 07:04 PM

Tonight will be the worst OP. Just be consistent. Keep going in every few minutes to reassure her you're still there. She WILL go to sleep.

#8 Frockme

Posted 09 January 2013 - 07:07 PM

Not cutting a tooth is she?

Good luck either way. Tough times breaking habits.  unsure.gif

#9 Halp

Posted 09 January 2013 - 07:09 PM

Feeding to sleep isn't a terrible habit, it is an amazing trick for you to have up your sleeve! What a simple and easy way to get her to sleep, use it whilst you can.

#10 Oriental lily

Posted 09 January 2013 - 07:11 PM

I agree halo.their is actually stuff in breast milk that mass babies fall asleep.

I also disagree its a habit. More a need.

#11 Guest_~Karla~_*

Posted 09 January 2013 - 07:12 PM

Can you do it in stages? Go in and give her a cuddle and a feed, but remove your nipple just before she goes to sleep. Do that for a few nights and then start removing your nipple a bit earlier. Just gradually increase the time she spends awake without the nipple in her mouth. Then, you can start the process again with putting her in her cot just awake. It will take longer, but there should be no tears from either of you and no anxiety.

#12 AntiBourgeoisie

Posted 09 January 2013 - 07:13 PM

QUOTE (Oriental lily @ 09/01/2013, 08:03 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Get professional help if you feel you need it but a child having difficulties sleeping at your child age is not abnormal.

Maybe your expectations need to change instead of her?


It may not be unusual, but it is entirely feasible for a baby that age to self-settle to sleep.
There is a lot of misinformation about so called 'controlled crying'. CIO refers to the Weisblauth method of closing the door and never returning. That is justifiably considered cruel. Ferber is a low attention for of controlled comforting. Then there are a variety of others methods including the so called 'no cry' methods. The problem is 'no cry' methods are not 'no noise' methods.

There is a big difference between babies who are calling out for attention, and babies who are distressed. It is an entirely different cry, and it does not pause frequently like a baby who is trying to get attention, or is cross because their usual routine has changed.
I would suggest you go in every 5-10 min while they are calling out (preferably time it to a pause) but immediately if it becomes distressed.
Your baby will be fine, OP. As noisy as it is, you are giving her the gift of good sleep. Stick with it.

#13 BlueEyedBeauties

Posted 09 January 2013 - 07:19 PM

Sorry but I'm not a believer in it..
She is upset.. Pick her up and cuddle her. Settle her and put her back down. Soon enough she will learn she isn't getting boob, but she still has you there and will start feeling secure enough to self settle.

Good luck.. Remember she is still learning how this is supposed to go.

#14 Oriental lily

Posted 09 January 2013 - 07:20 PM

No I did the whole 2 4 6 10 minute thing with my dd nearly 9 years ago.

It was CRUEL which resulted in a baby terrified of me even leaving the room.

Not all cc experiences are a successful ones. And in our case it made things much worse.

Considering we currently have no idea of the ops babies distress levels I would personally never encourage this method.

Never. Especially under the age of 1.


Edited by Oriental lily, 09 January 2013 - 07:22 PM.


#15 Jo.FEB

Posted 09 January 2013 - 07:21 PM

You sound like a very caring, loving mother, who is doing a fabulous job. You know when you are exhausted and you are not being unkind by setting boundaries (which are very important when it comes to food and sleep). If your daughter is going through an exception phase ie. teething or recovering from a cold or a growth spurt I would put off until next week but otherwise I would hold strong. Btw- I had an outside laundry and would time it so that I would have to hang up the wet washing and not listen to the crying, or have a shower, or vacuum with earphones on! Sounds neglectful I know but my mom used to tell me that sometimes little ones just need to cry themselves to sleep (and I would still feel terrible) We got past that and now our daughter is a "great" sleeper. 12.5 solid hours a night, every night, almost. Good luck :-)

#16 AntiBourgeoisie

Posted 09 January 2013 - 07:21 PM

QUOTE (Oriental lily @ 09/01/2013, 08:11 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I agree halo.their is actually stuff in breast milk that mass babies fall asleep.

I also disagree its a habit. More a need.


What babies need is a good nights sleep which isn't broken by five wakings because they have a sleep association with breastfeeding. It really bugs me when people say erroneous things like this to justify a philosophy that has no basis in scientific fact. Babies need sleep to grow, to regulate their moods, to learn, to play effectively. A baby that does not have unbroken sleep does not secrete growth hormone effectively, or regulate insulin properly, resulting in disordered metabolism.
At 7.5 months, babies do not 'need' to be fed to sleep five or more times a night. They are well and truly developmentally ready to self settle. A parent can choose not to assist their baby in that process, but lets be honest about what it is going on. It is a parenting preference, but it is not objectively correct, not a morally superior one.
I never advocate suggesting that a parent martyr themselves to their children's needs, but when such martyrdom results in a suboptimal result for their children, then that just strikes me as a bit silly.




#17 Jo.FEB

Posted 09 January 2013 - 07:21 PM

You sound like a very caring, loving mother, who is doing a fabulous job. You know when you are exhausted and you are not being unkind by setting boundaries (which are very important when it comes to food and sleep). If your daughter is going through an exception phase ie. teething or recovering from a cold or a growth spurt I would put off until next week but otherwise I would hold strong. Btw- I had an outside laundry and would time it so that I would have to hang up the wet washing and not listen to the crying, or have a shower, or vacuum with earphones on! Sounds neglectful I know but my mom used to tell me that sometimes little ones just need to cry themselves to sleep (and I would still feel terrible) We got past that and now our daughter is a "great" sleeper. 12.5 solid hours a night, every night, almost. Good luck :-)

#18 Jo.FEB

Posted 09 January 2013 - 07:21 PM

You sound like a very caring, loving mother, who is doing a fabulous job. You know when you are exhausted and you are not being unkind by setting boundaries (which are very important when it comes to food and sleep). If your daughter is going through an exception phase ie. teething or recovering from a cold or a growth spurt I would put off until next week but otherwise I would hold strong. Btw- I had an outside laundry and would time it so that I would have to hang up the wet washing and not listen to the crying, or have a shower, or vacuum with earphones on! Sounds neglectful I know but my mom used to tell me that sometimes little ones just need to cry themselves to sleep (and I would still feel terrible) We got past that and now our daughter is a "great" sleeper. 12.5 solid hours a night, every night, almost. Good luck :-)

#19 Halp

Posted 09 January 2013 - 07:24 PM

QUOTE (AntiBourgeoisie @ 09/01/2013, 07:21 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
What babies need is a good nights sleep which isn't broken by five wakings because they have a sleep association with breastfeeding. It really bugs me when people say erroneous things like this to justify a philosophy that has no basis in scientific fact. Babies need sleep to grow, to regulate their moods, to learn, to play effectively. A baby that does not have unbroken sleep does not secrete growth hormone effectively, or regulate insulin properly, resulting in disordered metabolism.
At 7.5 months, babies do not 'need' to be fed to sleep five or more times a night. They are well and truly developmentally ready to self settle. A parent can choose not to assist their baby in that process, but lets be honest about what it is going on. It is a parenting preference, but it is not objectively correct, not a morally superior one.
I never advocate suggesting that a parent martyr themselves to their children's needs, but when such martyrdom results in a suboptimal result for their children, then that just strikes me as a bit silly.


http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2013/...288381481237582

#20 Expelliarmus

Posted 09 January 2013 - 07:26 PM

LOL at the idea that 'you just have to be firm and consistent and it will happen, she WILL sleep'. Can someone please come and tell my DD2 that was what she was supposed to do?

OP well done for taking a breather when you were distressed. that's absolutely the right thing to do. As for whether or not to stop feeding to sleep, whether or not to try a form of controlled crying or comforting - that's up to you.

#21 Oriental lily

Posted 09 January 2013 - 07:32 PM

I agree howdo.
I think we have some tizzy fans here.

No matter how 'consistent' I was my first baby screamed hysterically to vomiting and fainting all through baby hood and toddlerhood.

And yes sometimes she did fall asleep when I tred to do cc.

From mental ad physical exhaustion sad.gif .

#22 JAPNII

Posted 09 January 2013 - 07:32 PM

Can someone else help settle bubs?

My DH stayed in the room when the kids cried and settled them. They associated milk and me.

#23 Feral-as-Meggs

Posted 09 January 2013 - 07:34 PM

QUOTE (Halp @ 09/01/2013, 08:09 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Feeding to sleep isn't a terrible habit, it is an amazing trick for you to have up your sleeve! What a simple and easy way to get her to sleep, use it whilst you can.


Not all babies sorry.  Some of them get addicted to it, and wake every 40 minutes all night (literally) for another snack.   Plus, after a few of these 40 minute naps they take the edge off their tiredness and want to play for 2 hours at midnight before another 40 minute nap.   Breaking feed to sleep is the only solution when you are stuck in that pattern.  

No adult can survive on 40 minutes of sleep at a time - an adult sleep cycle is 1.5 hours so you will never get all the parts of sleep you need and will slowly go bonkers.  

My understanding is that OP isn't attempting CIO or CC, she is trying hands-on settling and needed to take a break before she lost her temper - which is commendable.

#24 coffy11

Posted 09 January 2013 - 07:37 PM

As someone said, tonight is the worst, it will get better!  I hope your baby settles for you soon

#25 bluedragon

Posted 09 January 2013 - 07:37 PM

Self soothing is a con job!
http://uncommonjohn.wordpress.com/2013/01/...ted-on-parents/

OP if you are this upset then imagine how your little one is feeling! It is still perfectly normal for a 7.5 month old to be feeding to sleep. My 19 month old DS still does too, not every night but more often than not. Sure it's annoying sometimes and I'm not saying everyone needs to continue that long but I don't see the need to worry about until over 12 months.

I hope things calm down for you, DS has never been a good sleeper abd a complete boob addict so I do understand how you feel.




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