Jump to content

My poor little baby :(


  • Please log in to reply
139 replies to this topic

#1 Funwith3

Posted 09 January 2013 - 06:55 PM

I'm really trying to distract myself from the sounds of my poor little DD crying her lungs out.

I'm trying to get her to self settle. I'm so torn and confused about how to do this. I've read several books, I've taken advice from friends, and she is my third child - you would think it gets easier and that you just know what to do!! But I don't!!

My fault - I've got into the terrible habit of breast feeding her to sleep for every single sleep she has. Most of the time in the evening I have to feed her quite a few times before she eventually settles. Even then, she will often wake up at 8pm and/or 9 pm and/or 10pm and each time I just feed her back to sleep. I also do a dream feed at 11ish and then she wakes again at anywhere between 3-6am and I feed her again.

I'm over it. She's 7.5 months old and I'm exhausted from it, I just want her to go to bed at 7pm and go to sleep.

So I've tried staying in there with her - singing, patting, rubbing, tried all different sleeping positions, too hot, too cold, picking her up and rocking, sitting on our rocking chair - everything. She just wants to be fed again. But I fed her less than an hour ago. She's had lots of solids today.

I've now walked out and left her in her cot in her room with the door shut, because I'm scared I will lose my temper with her.

Edited by Funwith3, 09 January 2013 - 06:55 PM.


#2 Sugared

Posted 09 January 2013 - 06:59 PM

I don't have any suggestions, but I just wanted to respond and say that i can imagine how you're feeling. You sound like you need a big hug, I hope someone is nearby to give you one. bbighug.gif


#3 EffiesMum172

Posted 09 January 2013 - 07:00 PM

.

Edited by EffiesMum172, 15 January 2013 - 11:06 PM.


#4 Feral-as-Meggs

Posted 09 January 2013 - 07:03 PM

I know that feeling of having to walk out, after trying everything, in fear of losing my temper.

I found that a quick shower was enough to resettle me, and then I could try again.   By that point my DS was usually convinced it was really bed time and was accepting of being rocked/patted to sleep after a sip of water from a cup.  

Hope she settles soon.  It is worth overcoming a strong feed to sleep association.

#5 Oriental lily

Posted 09 January 2013 - 07:03 PM

She is very young to self settle.
Op I am not a advocate of cc. My eldest dd was a cc failure and if anything caused things to be much much worse as her anxiety levels got much worse increasing her need for us to comfort her.

I know it's hard to have a baby that is high demanding. By your babies age my baby had stopped sleeping during the day totally except for the car and getting her to sleep at night longer than a couple of hours was nearly impossible.

Somehow we muddled through.

I decided to co sleep with my second and third babies.

Get professional help if you feel you need it but a child having difficulties sleeping at your child age is not abnormal.

Maybe your expectations need to change instead of her?

#6 MrsDamonSalvatore

Posted 09 January 2013 - 07:03 PM

Time to take a break hon. Do you have someone there helping and supporting you?

Take a deep breath and remember this too shall pAss

bbighug.gif

#7 AntiBourgeoisie

Posted 09 January 2013 - 07:04 PM

Tonight will be the worst OP. Just be consistent. Keep going in every few minutes to reassure her you're still there. She WILL go to sleep.

#8 Frockme

Posted 09 January 2013 - 07:07 PM

Not cutting a tooth is she?

Good luck either way. Tough times breaking habits.  unsure.gif

#9 Halp

Posted 09 January 2013 - 07:09 PM

Feeding to sleep isn't a terrible habit, it is an amazing trick for you to have up your sleeve! What a simple and easy way to get her to sleep, use it whilst you can.

#10 Oriental lily

Posted 09 January 2013 - 07:11 PM

I agree halo.their is actually stuff in breast milk that mass babies fall asleep.

I also disagree its a habit. More a need.

#11 Guest_~Karla~_*

Posted 09 January 2013 - 07:12 PM

Can you do it in stages? Go in and give her a cuddle and a feed, but remove your nipple just before she goes to sleep. Do that for a few nights and then start removing your nipple a bit earlier. Just gradually increase the time she spends awake without the nipple in her mouth. Then, you can start the process again with putting her in her cot just awake. It will take longer, but there should be no tears from either of you and no anxiety.

#12 AntiBourgeoisie

Posted 09 January 2013 - 07:13 PM

QUOTE (Oriental lily @ 09/01/2013, 08:03 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Get professional help if you feel you need it but a child having difficulties sleeping at your child age is not abnormal.

Maybe your expectations need to change instead of her?


It may not be unusual, but it is entirely feasible for a baby that age to self-settle to sleep.
There is a lot of misinformation about so called 'controlled crying'. CIO refers to the Weisblauth method of closing the door and never returning. That is justifiably considered cruel. Ferber is a low attention for of controlled comforting. Then there are a variety of others methods including the so called 'no cry' methods. The problem is 'no cry' methods are not 'no noise' methods.

There is a big difference between babies who are calling out for attention, and babies who are distressed. It is an entirely different cry, and it does not pause frequently like a baby who is trying to get attention, or is cross because their usual routine has changed.
I would suggest you go in every 5-10 min while they are calling out (preferably time it to a pause) but immediately if it becomes distressed.
Your baby will be fine, OP. As noisy as it is, you are giving her the gift of good sleep. Stick with it.

#13 BlueEyedBeauties

Posted 09 January 2013 - 07:19 PM

Sorry but I'm not a believer in it..
She is upset.. Pick her up and cuddle her. Settle her and put her back down. Soon enough she will learn she isn't getting boob, but she still has you there and will start feeling secure enough to self settle.

Good luck.. Remember she is still learning how this is supposed to go.

#14 Oriental lily

Posted 09 January 2013 - 07:20 PM

No I did the whole 2 4 6 10 minute thing with my dd nearly 9 years ago.

It was CRUEL which resulted in a baby terrified of me even leaving the room.

Not all cc experiences are a successful ones. And in our case it made things much worse.

Considering we currently have no idea of the ops babies distress levels I would personally never encourage this method.

Never. Especially under the age of 1.


Edited by Oriental lily, 09 January 2013 - 07:22 PM.


#15 Jo.FEB

Posted 09 January 2013 - 07:21 PM

You sound like a very caring, loving mother, who is doing a fabulous job. You know when you are exhausted and you are not being unkind by setting boundaries (which are very important when it comes to food and sleep). If your daughter is going through an exception phase ie. teething or recovering from a cold or a growth spurt I would put off until next week but otherwise I would hold strong. Btw- I had an outside laundry and would time it so that I would have to hang up the wet washing and not listen to the crying, or have a shower, or vacuum with earphones on! Sounds neglectful I know but my mom used to tell me that sometimes little ones just need to cry themselves to sleep (and I would still feel terrible) We got past that and now our daughter is a "great" sleeper. 12.5 solid hours a night, every night, almost. Good luck :-)

#16 AntiBourgeoisie

Posted 09 January 2013 - 07:21 PM

QUOTE (Oriental lily @ 09/01/2013, 08:11 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I agree halo.their is actually stuff in breast milk that mass babies fall asleep.

I also disagree its a habit. More a need.


What babies need is a good nights sleep which isn't broken by five wakings because they have a sleep association with breastfeeding. It really bugs me when people say erroneous things like this to justify a philosophy that has no basis in scientific fact. Babies need sleep to grow, to regulate their moods, to learn, to play effectively. A baby that does not have unbroken sleep does not secrete growth hormone effectively, or regulate insulin properly, resulting in disordered metabolism.
At 7.5 months, babies do not 'need' to be fed to sleep five or more times a night. They are well and truly developmentally ready to self settle. A parent can choose not to assist their baby in that process, but lets be honest about what it is going on. It is a parenting preference, but it is not objectively correct, not a morally superior one.
I never advocate suggesting that a parent martyr themselves to their children's needs, but when such martyrdom results in a suboptimal result for their children, then that just strikes me as a bit silly.




#17 Jo.FEB

Posted 09 January 2013 - 07:21 PM

You sound like a very caring, loving mother, who is doing a fabulous job. You know when you are exhausted and you are not being unkind by setting boundaries (which are very important when it comes to food and sleep). If your daughter is going through an exception phase ie. teething or recovering from a cold or a growth spurt I would put off until next week but otherwise I would hold strong. Btw- I had an outside laundry and would time it so that I would have to hang up the wet washing and not listen to the crying, or have a shower, or vacuum with earphones on! Sounds neglectful I know but my mom used to tell me that sometimes little ones just need to cry themselves to sleep (and I would still feel terrible) We got past that and now our daughter is a "great" sleeper. 12.5 solid hours a night, every night, almost. Good luck :-)

#18 Jo.FEB

Posted 09 January 2013 - 07:21 PM

You sound like a very caring, loving mother, who is doing a fabulous job. You know when you are exhausted and you are not being unkind by setting boundaries (which are very important when it comes to food and sleep). If your daughter is going through an exception phase ie. teething or recovering from a cold or a growth spurt I would put off until next week but otherwise I would hold strong. Btw- I had an outside laundry and would time it so that I would have to hang up the wet washing and not listen to the crying, or have a shower, or vacuum with earphones on! Sounds neglectful I know but my mom used to tell me that sometimes little ones just need to cry themselves to sleep (and I would still feel terrible) We got past that and now our daughter is a "great" sleeper. 12.5 solid hours a night, every night, almost. Good luck :-)

#19 Halp

Posted 09 January 2013 - 07:24 PM

QUOTE (AntiBourgeoisie @ 09/01/2013, 07:21 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
What babies need is a good nights sleep which isn't broken by five wakings because they have a sleep association with breastfeeding. It really bugs me when people say erroneous things like this to justify a philosophy that has no basis in scientific fact. Babies need sleep to grow, to regulate their moods, to learn, to play effectively. A baby that does not have unbroken sleep does not secrete growth hormone effectively, or regulate insulin properly, resulting in disordered metabolism.
At 7.5 months, babies do not 'need' to be fed to sleep five or more times a night. They are well and truly developmentally ready to self settle. A parent can choose not to assist their baby in that process, but lets be honest about what it is going on. It is a parenting preference, but it is not objectively correct, not a morally superior one.
I never advocate suggesting that a parent martyr themselves to their children's needs, but when such martyrdom results in a suboptimal result for their children, then that just strikes me as a bit silly.


http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2013/...288381481237582

#20 Expelliarmus

Posted 09 January 2013 - 07:26 PM

LOL at the idea that 'you just have to be firm and consistent and it will happen, she WILL sleep'. Can someone please come and tell my DD2 that was what she was supposed to do?

OP well done for taking a breather when you were distressed. that's absolutely the right thing to do. As for whether or not to stop feeding to sleep, whether or not to try a form of controlled crying or comforting - that's up to you.

#21 Oriental lily

Posted 09 January 2013 - 07:32 PM

I agree howdo.
I think we have some tizzy fans here.

No matter how 'consistent' I was my first baby screamed hysterically to vomiting and fainting all through baby hood and toddlerhood.

And yes sometimes she did fall asleep when I tred to do cc.

From mental ad physical exhaustion sad.gif .

#22 JapNFeral

Posted 09 January 2013 - 07:32 PM

Can someone else help settle bubs?

My DH stayed in the room when the kids cried and settled them. They associated milk and me.

#23 Feral-as-Meggs

Posted 09 January 2013 - 07:34 PM

QUOTE (Halp @ 09/01/2013, 08:09 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Feeding to sleep isn't a terrible habit, it is an amazing trick for you to have up your sleeve! What a simple and easy way to get her to sleep, use it whilst you can.


Not all babies sorry.  Some of them get addicted to it, and wake every 40 minutes all night (literally) for another snack.   Plus, after a few of these 40 minute naps they take the edge off their tiredness and want to play for 2 hours at midnight before another 40 minute nap.   Breaking feed to sleep is the only solution when you are stuck in that pattern.  

No adult can survive on 40 minutes of sleep at a time - an adult sleep cycle is 1.5 hours so you will never get all the parts of sleep you need and will slowly go bonkers.  

My understanding is that OP isn't attempting CIO or CC, she is trying hands-on settling and needed to take a break before she lost her temper - which is commendable.

#24 coffy11

Posted 09 January 2013 - 07:37 PM

As someone said, tonight is the worst, it will get better!  I hope your baby settles for you soon

#25 bluedragon

Posted 09 January 2013 - 07:37 PM

Self soothing is a con job!
http://uncommonjohn.wordpress.com/2013/01/...ted-on-parents/

OP if you are this upset then imagine how your little one is feeling! It is still perfectly normal for a 7.5 month old to be feeding to sleep. My 19 month old DS still does too, not every night but more often than not. Sure it's annoying sometimes and I'm not saying everyone needs to continue that long but I don't see the need to worry about until over 12 months.

I hope things calm down for you, DS has never been a good sleeper abd a complete boob addict so I do understand how you feel.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

WIN a $500 Visa debit card

Are you a parent? Simply take our survey for your chance to win a $500 pre-paid VISA debit card.

Breastfeeding doesn't make you a better mum - feeding your baby does

Given my immense dislike of Hopkins and her opinions, I was genuinely shocked to discover that last week she actually said something that I agreed with.

'Toni, another baby has died': the anguish of watching governments fail our babies

It has been six years since whooping cough claimed the life of four-week-old Dana McCaffery. Her parents are angry that lessons learnt weren't enough to save other babies.

Longer breastfeeding linked to higher IQ

A study of 3500 infants has found that babies who are breastfed grow up to be more intelligent and wealthy.

The 2015 flu vaccine: what's new, who should get it

For certain members of the community, catching flu can lead to severe illness or death. A vaccination can be lifesaving.

Dealing with a nappy escape artist

I hear about the tots that have a penchant for ripping their nappies off and the odd one that even smears the brown stuff on the walls and fine home furnishings, and I shudder.

Hospital apologises for 'traumatising' baby mix-up

St Vincent's Hospital has apologised "unreservedly" for a baby mix-up that left one new mum traumatised.

Tips for flying with a baby

Travelling with kids requires a whole other set of skills - ones that I have learned through (sometimes unfortunate) trial and error.

How to stay calm in an emergency

I’m not expecting you to be as calm as you might be right now. What I mean is that if your panic levels are through the roof during a stressful situation, let’s bring them down to just under the ceiling.

Toddler gets 'drunk' after cranberry juice mix-up

A toddler was taken to hospital after a waitress served her sangria instead of cranberry juice at a US restaurant.

We need to stop using this word when we talk about childbirth

Is it shaming to point out that women are often being let down in birth?

The certificate helping parents deal with pregnancy loss

For some people, this certificate will offer a sense of validation that their child was acknowledged as being here and now gone, and will help them with life post-loss.

Grieving families give warnings after toddler deaths

Two Queensland families are grieving the loss of their toddler sons after the boys drowned in separate incidents last week.

The phenomenon of phantom pregnancy kicks

'Phantom pregnancy kicks’ are encountered by many mums months - or even years - after their pregnancy is over.

The health insurance advice you can't afford to ignore

There's one simple switch that could save you hundreds of dollars a year in private health insurance.

4D scans show how smoking affects babies still in the womb

The harmful effects of smoking during pregnancy on unborn babies may be seen in tiny movements in their faces using 4D ultrasound scans, research has found.

How to babyproof your job interview

Once upon a time, I was a fan of job interviews. That all changed after I'd switched careers, had a baby and decided to spend the first year at home with her.

Sign up to our 30 days of #PlayIQ challenge

Sign up to receive 30 amazing tips and ideas for play with baby during the month of April and submit a picture or tip on our social wall for a chance to win an amazing Fisher-Price prize pack.

The most dangerous toddler food trends

Pete Evans' paleo cookbook for kids caused a storm, but there are plenty of other unsafe food trends for babies and toddlers.

Infection killed new mum of twins

Modern medicine could not save 19-year-old Sophie Burgess who died 48 hours after giving birth to twins in the UK.

Win a Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom prize pack

To celebrate the April 1 release of Holly's Magic Wand on DVD and Digital, we are giving away five DVD packs featuring the newest installment of Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom Holly's Magic Wand and many more hours of family entertainment! Enter Now!

Special Ticket Offer, Save $8!

The Essential Baby & Toddler Show is back this April! Save $8 off the door price for a limited time only!

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Sign up to our 30 days of #PlayIQ challenge

Sign up to receive 30 amazing tips and ideas for play with baby during the month of April and submit a picture or tip on our social wall for a chance to win an amazing Fisher-Price prize pack.

Man faces jail after giving woman abortion pill smoothie

A Norwegian man is facing jail after putting abortion pills in his ex-girlfriend's smoothie, causing her to have a miscarriage.

'He's a blessing': family of baby born without eyes

Jordy Jackson was born without eyes. He has anophthalmia, which affects one in every 100,000 babies born.

Win one of 5 Cadbury Easter Hampers

With Easter fast approaching, Cadbury are giving away 5 Cadbury Easter Hampers. Enter Now!

Super fit model Sarah Stage defends her pregnancy body

Model Sarah Stage has defended her pregnancy body after critics claimed her slim figure at eight-and-a-half months pregnant wasn't "normal".

Win a Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom and Peppa Pig prize pack

To celebrate the April 1 release of Holly's Magic Wand on DVD and Digital, Essential Baby and Entertainment One are giving away five bumper DVD packs featuring the newest installment of Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom Holly's Magic Wand and many more hours of family entertainment! Enter Now!

Why I post breastfeeding photos online

I love to take pictures of my children. In some of the pictures, my younger son is nursing.

The day I broke my baby

There are things I wish I didn't know. I wish I didn't know that companies make tiny braces, small enough to hold necks no bigger than a wrist.

The place just for dads of multiples

When a couple discovers they're expecting multiples, the dad can sometimes be almost forgotten in all the excitement and preparation. But one group offers a space just for dads of twins and higher-order multiples.

Brave mum calls for domestic violence law reform

A brave mum of two has shared details of the harrowing attacks she suffered at the hands of her partner in a bid to help other victims of domestic violence.

Why I had the new test for Down syndrome

Early last year I turned 35, and having just found out I was pregnant, I opted to have the new test for Down syndrome.

Geeky baby gear

If your family is more into Star Wars, gaming and the periodic table than most, you might want to check out these geek-chic baby items.

2015: the year of the sheep

According to the Chinese zodiac, babies born in the year of the sheep are creative and enjoy spending quiet time with their own thoughts.

Breakthrough genetic testing now available in Australia

Pregnant women will for the first time have access to locally analysed, accurate, non-invasive pre-natal genetic testing when the first Australian clinic to offer the services opens its doors next week.

Grandbabies: the babies born looking old

Not a day under 65 and a lifetime of struggle! That's the look of these newborns, who look adorably older than their real age. Social networking site Reddit recently featured user submissions of adorable grandbabies, here are our favourites.

Family kicked off flight after toddler seatbelt drama

An entire family was kicked off a Cathay Pacific flight when a misbehaving toddler refused to put his seatbelt on.

Stolen baby found after 17 years

A baby stolen from her mother's arms shortly after birth has been found through an astonishing coincidence.

53 creative pregnancy announcements

Announcing that you're expecting can be a time to express your creativity, sense of humour and imagination. Check out how other parents and parents-to-be have broken the news to friends and family.

IKEA hacks for the nursery and kids' rooms

Are you one of those that know the whole IKEA catalogue by heart? Love their stuff but want to personalise it? Here's some inspiration to help you realise the potential of IKEA furniture and fittings.

36 baby names inspired by food and drinks

A French court may have ruled out Nutella as a baby name, but that doesn't have to stop you from taking inspiration from the supermarket (or bottle shop). See what parents in the US have chosen for their delicious little ones.

Clever breastfeeding products

Check out this range of products designed to help make your breastfeeding journey more enjoyable, manageable and convenient.

 

Sign up now!

30 days of #PlayIQ challenge

Receive a daily email from Essential Baby during April with great play tips and ideas, then submit your baby at play photos to our Playwall, Instagram or Twitter for your chance to win.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.