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Terrified of birth process

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#1 miss_heidi

Posted 09 January 2013 - 02:34 PM

i know this baby needs to come out at some stage, but as the date nears i am getting more and more terrified by the labour/birth process.

for some reason, i watched "There's one born every minute" a couple of weeks ago and probably shouldnt have... It terrified me.  Plus all the stories I read and hear of traumatic birth...

I have tried to find a doula to have someone to talk to about this, or to be there at the birth to support, but that is proving incredibly problematic too.. I have contacted sooooo many, more than 10, and 3 have replied to me, and only one is available and im still waiting for her to call me back sad.gif  I dont know why i thought that woudl be an easier process also!

Anyway how did you get through your fears, and were they realised?  Did it end up being a easier process than you thought, or worse?  I have ordered the birth books (active birth and birth skills) but to be honest im still pretty terrified, so much so im starting to hope that the doctor tells me i need a caesar so I dont have to go through the ongoing trauma (please dont chastise me)... sad.gif

#2 miss_heidi

Posted 09 January 2013 - 02:35 PM

Also I am in GP shared care, so no continuity in my care with midwives (which has really added to this fear i think), and ill be delivering in a delivery suite rather than a comfy room with a bath or home birth....

#3 crankybee

Posted 09 January 2013 - 02:36 PM

Couldn't read and not reply. Birth was a million times easier than I thought it would be - you will be fine. A Doula is good but if you can't get one you will still be fine.

#4 crankybee

Posted 09 January 2013 - 02:36 PM

Couldn't read and not reply. Birth was a million times easier than I thought it would be - you will be fine. A Doula is good but if you can't get one you will still be fine.

#5 happynow

Posted 09 January 2013 - 02:41 PM

Im sorry i have no advice  to give you . I  am feeling the same way as you and this is my third pregnancy. For some reason this time round  i am  really worried  about going into labour even though my last two labours were really good . Will you have support people going in with you ?

#6 R2B2

Posted 09 January 2013 - 02:45 PM

Just keep in mind that the pain doesn't last forever.

stop watching One born if it freaks you out.

You will get through it. it wont last forever. and the bonus is lovely newborn snuggles at the end.

#7 Marchioness Flea

Posted 09 January 2013 - 02:46 PM

Your body was designed for giving birth. It really is a natural thing, MILLIONS of women have done so in the past, and millions will in the future. Some even do it more than once!

Yes it hurts, but it's a pain with a PURPOSE, giving you a tiny, perfect baby.
Pain relief is amazing, I almost cried when I wasn't  allowed a second pethidine shot lol, it made me feel so good.
It's natural to be scared shi*less because it's the unknown, but you can DO IT!!

And I'd far rather push a baby out of my vagina then have one cut out of me(I'm a bit squeamish about being cut open lol).
You may also find that the midwife on duty is an amazing woman, who helps you enormously during the birth. Mine was.

#8 Feralina

Posted 09 January 2013 - 02:50 PM

For me, it was neither harder nor easier than I expected, as throughout the pregnancy I kept reminding myself that I cannot possibly know what to expect until I am actually experiencing it. This helped me not get too fearful. Another recommendation for calmbirth classes, too. They were amazing, for me.

And also the mantra, "No labour has ever lasted forever!" - the pain will pass, each contraction will pass, and before you know it it'll all be done.

#9 froglett

Posted 09 January 2013 - 02:50 PM

Op there are a couple of things that I'd recommend. The first is for you & your DH to attend a calm birth class. Without a doubt it was the best $ pre delivery we spent. Really really helped us be calm and confident about the birth, and made us closer.
The other thing is to jump into the birth stories forum and read the many wonderful stories from other members. Don't read the traumatic & disappointing forum though - I found that just scared me!
In all honesty birth can be what you make of it. Whilst for me it wasn't text book perfect (ended up emergency CS), I actually loved being in labour. That's not to say it wasn't challenging (it ain't called labour for nothing!), it was, but it was all about bringing our baby into the world wub.gif
Oh, and for me, I found that the whole thing felt like it was in fast forward, seemed to be over in a flash.

#10 noi'mnot

Posted 09 January 2013 - 02:58 PM

It's normal to be terrified of birth. It's a big deal, it's scary, it hurts, you've never done it before. You need to remember, though, that the odds are on your side - it won't last too long, it will all go smoothly, you will have a wonderful little baby at the end of all the hard work.

Read positive birth stories. Read them over and over again. Surround yourself with stories of positive birth, learn from the strategies of other women, block out any stories that you hear/read that are negative. Bookmark positive stories and keep on reading them again and again.

Also, get your partner to read some of these positive stories and to do some research for himself on how to best support you through the birth process.

And remember, you can do it! original.gif

#11 strawberrycakes

Posted 09 January 2013 - 03:00 PM

TBH childbirth was so much easier than I expected.  I watched some clips on you tube & was horrified LOL.  But then when the time came I was so so calm.  I labored at home & when instinct told me to go to hospital I was already 9.5cms.
My DD was born less than 2 hours after arriving at hospital & giving birth although yes it hurt didn't hurt as much as I anticipated.
I had no drugs not even as, gave birth standing up & walked to my ward an hour after DD was born.

Just don't think about it too much & keep an open mind.  My midwife was fantastic but I barely remember anything. DH said she was coaching me all the way but I can't remember I was in such a zone.

I think because I was at home right up until the last minute it was less stressful but that is only my opinion based on my personal experience.

Good luck

#12 wallofdodo

Posted 09 January 2013 - 03:03 PM

QUOTE (Rawr @ 09/01/2013, 03:45 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I felt the same way too with my first, about wishing for a caesar, but thank god that never happened. It's not something to wish for and a lot harder.

OP, maybe you could take some calm birth classes? I know a lot of ppl swear by them

Or even read the calm birth book by marie mongran

After a horrendous first birth, with a month to go I started reading this book. I found myself looking forward to the birth. I had a good second birth.

My tips are rember to relax during labour and learn how to breathe.

Sorry typing one handed here.

#13 mandala

Posted 09 January 2013 - 03:04 PM

I found it really helpful (and faintly disturbing) to look at everyone I met and remind myself that a woman gave birth to them, and that almost all of them were completely fine. What's more, most of them had siblings so they obviously had mothers who given birth more than once!

#14 ScarfaceClaw

Posted 09 January 2013 - 03:08 PM

the first time you do anything new and potentially dangerous, of course you are wary of it. You have no idea what it will be like for you.
I had a failed induction, emergency section, and have to say the things I was worried about were no where near as bad as I thought.
I think finding a doula to help you with your fears and work on strategies sounds like a great idea.
Good luck!

#15 miss_heidi

Posted 09 January 2013 - 03:11 PM

i think if i dont manage to find an available doula (which its starting to look like that might happen, suprisingly!), i might invest in the Calmbirth course.  The price of it kinda put me off, but I am genuinally getting quite scared of the process...

Re support people, only my husband will be there, the rest of my family and friends are interstate... Im basically here alone, and to be honest my mum scares me with her stories of how awful her birth was with me, how much she suffered etc  i think she told me those stories when i was younger to make me feel guilty (in that way that mums can make you feel guilty for being born!), but didnt realise it would cause the sort of fear it has now!

I am not entirely convinced by the "our bodies were made to give birth" hahaha original.gif many women around the world suffer horrible experiences, fistulas etc without intervention, or worse, and yes i made the mistake of wandering into the traumatic birth forum (dont ask why) and well it wasnt my smartest decision... I have friends also who have mentioned quite severe trauma and will wait until their child asks for a sibling before having the courage to go through it again..

Thanks all for your replies and advice, I will look into it.  Whatever works at this stage, im willing to look into it!

#16 Lishyfips

Posted 09 January 2013 - 03:16 PM

I too have been watching 'One Born Every Minute' lately and think to myself 'Oh no, I can't go through that again!' So I totally get why you're feeling anxious. However...
In my two experiences of giving birth, neither time was as terrifying as I was expecting. With the first I was scared like you so I had gas, peth and then an epidural as quickly as I could get them ino me - the labour was really pretty painless compared to what I was expecting, I was amazed.
Second time, I had much more of my labour at home so I experienced much stronger contractions with no pain relief, then at hospital I had gas. It was much more like a One Born Every Minute experience - god knows what I looked or sounded like, but I couldn't have cared at the time. It was painful but I was in some kind of a weird primal birth zone. It was kind of like having terrible gastro or maybe more like running a marathon - at the time it's hard but you're not really in a normal, rational, totally with-it state of mind, so you don't register things the same way you think you would. And when it's all over, although you can remember the pain you don't feel it any more. Best thing is, you're rewarded with a baby! Makes it all worth it. And then these super hormones kick in for a few days so you feel great.
If finding a doula is proving difficult and adding to your anxiety, maybe you should save yourself the hassle and leave it. I found the midwives who helped deliver my kids were incredibly understanding and encouraging. I'd never met them before, it didn't matter, they were just lovely kind women who reassured me and helped me (and my husband) get through one of life's most unusual experiences.
You can do it! And no matter what kind of labour you have, I hope you feel really proud of yourself afterwards because it's a pretty amazing achievement to give birth to a baby.Good luck!

#17 miss_heidi

Posted 09 January 2013 - 03:24 PM

Thats really good advice.  If I dont find a prenatal/birth doula, ill continue to try and find someone postnatal (as I am alone in this state with no experience of little babies!) but it is starting to add another layer of stress to be honest.

I guess many women do go back again and again so "how baad can it be?" original.gif

My husband, bless, he's wonderful but not the best supportive person.  He is an engineer - great at trying to fix things and offer solutions, not so great at the touchy feeley supportive stuff, even though he tries!

Edited by miss_heidi, 09 January 2013 - 03:25 PM.

#18 Lishyfips

Posted 09 January 2013 - 03:26 PM

Can I just add, when watching someone in labour on One Born Every Minute, they edit out all the bits where the women are resting or sleeping between contractions! When people talk about all the hours they spent in labour, it's easy to imagine them having 8-12 hours of intense scream-inducing pain.
From my memories of labour (which are scatty because of being in primal birth brain zone) the contractions are painful but then you get a rest in between. It's only a short time that you experience intense, prolonged pain and that's just before you hit the baby jackpot!
Help after the baby comes rather than while it comes - that's a great idea! Get yourself a cleaner (or get your husband to do it) and don't ever feel guilty if you eat crap takeaway or beans on toast because you're too tired to cook or make it to the supermarket.

Edited by Lishyfips, 09 January 2013 - 03:30 PM.

#19 Chelara

Posted 09 January 2013 - 03:28 PM

I was absolutely terrified and things did go wrong but I coped heaps better than I'd've ever imagined. You can do it, you will do it, and you'll just be so happy with your new baby you'll be fine!

#20 CourtesanNewton

Posted 09 January 2013 - 03:42 PM

Just keep an open mind OP, and remember that it's not actually a failure on your part to have pain relief, in fact there are some that feel it helped them to relax and labour to progress. You can start drug free, and you might find you can cope with it beautifully, but if you can't, it's not a disaster, and there really are so many options.

#21 mumandboys

Posted 09 January 2013 - 03:44 PM

Labour/birth is a scary thing.  For me, the fear was worse than the pain.

Concentrate on staying calm, remind yourself constantly that your body was built for this, and that you absolutely can do it - you'll be fine.

Good luck OP!

#22 wrena

Posted 09 January 2013 - 03:45 PM

OBEM is horrible. I really can't understand why people like it. I would also recommend doing a calmbirth course. It was well worth the money for us. I was so calm and focussed during labour that the midwives didn't even believe I was in labour. Best of all, the calmbirth course helped my partner and I to be an amazing team during labour and birth and it was actually a really romantic experience for us

#23 LouwithTwo

Posted 09 January 2013 - 04:08 PM

Hi OP!

Birth can be a scary thing... But believe me, if you have faith and research some coping tools - it can also be a calm wonderful experience. A few bits of advice

1. Doulas are FANTASTIC!  I notice you are in Sydney! Try the Australian Doula College. My sister is using a trainee doula from here and has had nothing but brilliant. They try match you up with someone from your area and you can choose a student or a fully qualified doula.   http://www.australiandoulacollege.com.au/

2. Calmbirth as PPers have mentioned - wonderful!!!!!

3. You could try reading some positive books - Anything by Ina May (in particular "Spiritual Midwifery"). Or try "Birth without Fear". Or "Birth Skills".

Good luck!!!!!!!!!

#24 miss_heidi

Posted 09 January 2013 - 04:17 PM

I contacted the ADC a week ago, they said they would call me back this week and I havent had anyone contact me yet!

I probably couldnt afford both a doula and the Calmbirth course... Its a lot of money, I dont know if the budget woudl stretch that far to be honest!  It woudl be one or the other, unless i have a very cheap doula original.gif
That could work...  Ill see what they say when they get in touch with me.

I ordered Birth Skills and Active Birth from Book Depository, just waiting for them to get here!

#25 Chief Pancake Make

Posted 09 January 2013 - 04:29 PM

one word - Epidural!

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