Jump to content

3yr old jealous -acting out
Help!


  • Please log in to reply
3 replies to this topic

#1 dpr81

Posted 09 January 2013 - 10:10 AM

I am not sure if I am posting this in the right place...

I have a 3.5yr old and a 7.5mth old. My son who is generally a well behaved little boy - polite, knows right from wrong has turned... When my daughter arrived he wanted nothing to do with her for the first month or so and I never pushed her on him, I figured when he was ready he would come around. That he did, he would help with bath times, brushing her hair even washing her, playing with her, a dream!

I have been noticing the last couple of weeks as she is getting older and starting to interact a lot more as opposed to just rolling on the ground, he has become a little jealous. He has been off from daycare for 2-3weeks and is due to start up again in 2 weeks time. My daughter is teething and very clingy at the moment I am trying my hardest to share my time with them both

I hit my limit of being understanding just now when I caught him pushing her while she was sitting back into a wooden dresser! Enough is enough they were little things before that maybe I was overlooking but this I cannot. Has anyone else been dealing with this, any suggestions would be greatly welcomed!!

#2 SlinkyMalinki

Posted 09 January 2013 - 10:15 AM

I have a just over 3 year gap between my 2. (Now 1 and 4).  Both girls.  

I find occasionally taking just the big one out by herself really improves her behaviour (to the movies, or out to a coffee shop or similar)

When the baby sleeps, I spend time doing stuff with older DD that we can't do when the baby is around - lego, board games, etc.

I've found a couple of activities that interest both of them - they're both happy enough to play with musical instruments, a few of the bigger Little People sets, and with the water table and swings outside.







#3 beabea

Posted 15 January 2013 - 02:58 AM

Oh yes. They do this. Then the younger one grows old enough to be a playmate and things are better again.

Taking the older one on solo trips out was definitely a help, but hard to organise for us.

Playing when the baby is asleep also good.

I think the biggest thing for us was pushing harder on the "mum's helper" angle. I added chores, including general housework as well as baby care, until his idle hands were sufficiently occupied. It seemed to give him a sense of purpose and importance, as well as just something to do other than pick on his sister.

We also talked a lot about looking at things from another's point of view (he was just developing that ability - it usually comes between 3 and 4 in most kids). We talked a lot about his role and responsibilities as a big brother, etc.

I also found out about a concept called "facilitated play" which was in a book about... Successful Preschoolers? for 3-5yos. Basically it's unstructured, child-led play, but you step in where necessary to guide and extend the play (for example, if you can see one getting tetchy, you might ask a question about what they're doing which refocusses their attention and gets their rational side turned on, or you might step in and play along for a moment to keep the game moving along a peaceful path, then once they're ok you step back again). This is great for when you're NOT trying to cook dinner, etc - although it might still help a little under those circumstances if you can keep your attention on more things at once than I can, or if they are relatively peaceful together!

There were times when I had to separate them for everyone's safety when DS was feeling extra-surly and I had to get something done. We did a lot of time-out over that period. I tried to paint it more as a practical solution to a problem than a punishment - they were getting at each other and we all needed space to calm down. I had DS practice meditative techniques such as breathing and counting to ten. I often sent him to his room to do this when he started showing early signs of jealousy so he could calm down and return in a controlled state. I tried to point out the signs to him in the hope he could learn to self-regulate and take himself off when necessary, which worked to a certain, mild degree.

I also remember DD spending some time in the back carrier during dinner prep etc, for her safety.

Anyway, they still have their tiffs but it's not so frequent nor so much of a worry any more, so there is hope!

Edited by beabea, 15 January 2013 - 03:04 AM.


#4 icekool

Posted 15 January 2013 - 04:39 AM

Yes, this happened to us. We have DS1 who was 4.5, DS2 who was 2 9 months when DD was born. DS2 was terrible after a few months after DD's arrival. Although he had DS1 to play with, DD was always a threat. DS2 started to become rough with her and I could never leave the room with him alone with her (even if she was in a cot or porta cot). It did take time and he would always say to me, I don't like DD.

What I realised was that he missed the quality time we both had before DD arrival. Since DS1 was in kinder, we would go out together, spend time playing etc when I was pregnant. So when DD was sleeping or safe to be on her own, I tried my best (as tired as I was) to do the things we use to do. He loved going to shops or supermkt and help me with the clothes or groceries. I would buy him little treats because he was a good boy and mummy's special boy. I would constantly tell him that DD loves her brother so much. Would also "pretend" DD bought something for him from time to time. Generally make him believe DD loves him sooooo much.

Eventually DS2 saw that she wasn't a threat. That mummy can get frustrated with DD too and it wasn't just him. When DD learnt to kiss, I would make sure DS2 got one although initially he just didn't want to be close to her. But it was the special quality time I had with DS2 that reassured him he is still special to me.
DS2 is turning 4 next month and DD is now 14 months so things are better with him. DS2 now loves DD as he understands that she is not a threat and I also think it has to do with maturing more. HTH.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Special offer: The Baby & Toddler Show 2014

At The Baby & Toddler Show, you?ll find everything you need to get ready for your new arrival and guide you through the early weeks and years of parenting.

An open letter to Tony Abbott: please salvage our super

We face financial ruin, but most of us don?t realise it. If we don?t act together to salvage our superannuation, I have no doubt the new GFC will be the Girls? Financial Crisis.

'I'm happy to know I'm changing lives': surrogate mum of two

I know that once the baby is born, I will focus on the gift I have given, and watch the parents with their new child. I can't wait for that day.

Birth trauma and the issue of informed consent

There is a perception that women should just be happy they have a healthy baby in their arms. But for women who experienced birth trauma, there's a lot more to it.

Tips for managing pollen allergies and hayfever

They're simple tips, but they can have a big impact on those who suffer from hayfever and pollen allergies.

Ada Nicodemou shares tribute to her stillborn baby

Just over one month since Ada Nicodemou and her husband lost their second son, the Home and Away star has shared a touching poem for her baby.

Mum causes stir breastfeeding on train

?To the woman breastfeeding her kid on the train. Seriously! On the train?" began the letter of complaint.

10 things they don?t tell you about being pregnant

As I slowly waddle my ever-changing pregnant body towards the finishing line of my due date, it?s becoming increasingly clear there are a lot of things they just don?t tell you about pregnancy.

Overcoming a fear of the dark

A toddler's fear of the dark is very normal, but there are ways parents can help children through this stage in their development.

Kids, TV and movies: how young is too young?

It seems you don't have to throw the TV and iPad out the window - it all boils down to moderation, supervision and interaction.

Video: Baby's first birthday is a special day for mum, too

?A baby?s first birthday is also mum?s first birthday.?

The day Supernanny came to tea

Prince William's favourite celebrity child trainer Jo Frost puts Bryony Gordon and her toddler through their paces.

The words I hated hearing as new mum

It was less than a week after my son was born that I first heard it - from my mother.

To the pharmacist who sold me baby formula

On the rare occasion I catch sight of you at school, or around town, I think back to our earliest exchange. I?m sure you have no recollection of it at all.

Babies may benefit from autism therapy

Children showing signs of autism don't usually receive early intervention until well into toddlerhood or later, but a new study suggests infants with symptoms of the developmental disorder might benefit from therapy from as early as six months.

Knatalye and Adeline born with an everlasting bond

Knatalye Hope and Adeline Faith are a lot like any other identical twin girls, but there is one dramatic difference: they're joined at the chest and shares several internal organs.

The question this dad wishes he'd asked his wife

I should have seen that my wife wasn't the same person I'd fallen in love with, but we were both too focused on simply trying to get by.

Why we should talk about the deaths of the Hunt children

The deaths are too horrible even to think about. Yet we owe it to the children - Fletcher, Mia and Phoebe Hunt - to think long and hard about it all.

Baby dies of meningococcal weeks after vaccine application denied

A six-month-old girl has died from meningococcal disease just weeks after an application for government funding of a vaccine for the most deadly strain of the virus was rejected.

Finding the right balance when playing with your kids

Being too involved in our children?s play and not allowing our kids enough free time for unstructured activities can mean our kids miss out on the value that play offers.

Creative DIY light shades

The Pop Light light shade comes in a flat pack already made - it's up to you to design it as you'd like.

The battle of iParenting versus imagination

Have we forgotten how to be imaginative, resourceful parents?

Why movement is so important for your baby's growth

Letting your child move as much as possible in the early years ? using all senses, engaging in the real world, preferably outside ? will help them grow up healthier, smarter, calmer and stronger.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Special offer: The Baby & Toddler Show 2014

At The Baby & Toddler Show, you?ll find everything you need to get ready for your new arrival and guide you through the early weeks and years of parenting.

Losing yourself to motherhood

While watching your baby grow into a unique little person is exciting and wondrous, the intensity of meeting everyone else?s needs can ever so sneakily overtake your own needs for self-care.

Tearing during delivery: the facts

Almost all women will experience bruising, grazing or tearing after a vaginal birth. Depending on the degree of tearing, there are various treatments available.

6 tips for a day out with a baby and toddler

Outings can be lots of fun with the kids, but there are inevitable challenges. Here's some information about days out to help you be a little more prepared.

Why I invited a dozen people to watch my son's birth

I sent invitations on burgundy scrapbooking paper stamped with a field of poppies, and told each person why I wanted him or her there. I warned that there would be nudity.

Getting labour started: tips for a natural induction

When your baby?s due date comes and goes without so much as a pop - let alone a bang - it can be disheartening. Mums and a doula share their stories of natural inductions.

7 mistakes old hands make with new babies

As I sat across the table from my friend ? me, a seasoned mother of three; her, a brand new mum ? I thought of all the mistakes an old-hand parent can make when visiting a newborn baby.

That's my boy: a dad's diary of the first 4 months

Unbearable anxiety, unspeakable joy, constant exhaustion and bouts of frustration ... The many shocks of first-time fatherhood resound in a dad's diary of his son's early months.

One of the most important things a new mum can do

Finances may not be as cute as a newborn, but with many women?s working arrangements changing post-baby, monetary matters need attention too.

Dying mum saves baby with last breath

Dying from a gunshot wound, Jessica Arrendale used the last of her energy to hide her baby from her killer.

Personalised baby gifts

We've scoured the internet to find gorgeous personalised keepsakes and nursery decor to record baby name and dates. They make great gifts for christenings, name days and birthdays! (All prices in AU.)

 

Reader offer

2 FOR 1 TICKET OFFER

For Shopping, For Advice, For Baby & You. Enjoy a special day out with fabulous shopping from over 200 brands, leading parenting experts offering advice on a range of topics, and amazing children?s entertainment

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.