Jump to content

3yr old jealous -acting out
Help!


  • Please log in to reply
3 replies to this topic

#1 dpr81

Posted 09 January 2013 - 10:10 AM

I am not sure if I am posting this in the right place...

I have a 3.5yr old and a 7.5mth old. My son who is generally a well behaved little boy - polite, knows right from wrong has turned... When my daughter arrived he wanted nothing to do with her for the first month or so and I never pushed her on him, I figured when he was ready he would come around. That he did, he would help with bath times, brushing her hair even washing her, playing with her, a dream!

I have been noticing the last couple of weeks as she is getting older and starting to interact a lot more as opposed to just rolling on the ground, he has become a little jealous. He has been off from daycare for 2-3weeks and is due to start up again in 2 weeks time. My daughter is teething and very clingy at the moment I am trying my hardest to share my time with them both

I hit my limit of being understanding just now when I caught him pushing her while she was sitting back into a wooden dresser! Enough is enough they were little things before that maybe I was overlooking but this I cannot. Has anyone else been dealing with this, any suggestions would be greatly welcomed!!

#2 SlinkyMalinki

Posted 09 January 2013 - 10:15 AM

I have a just over 3 year gap between my 2. (Now 1 and 4).  Both girls.  

I find occasionally taking just the big one out by herself really improves her behaviour (to the movies, or out to a coffee shop or similar)

When the baby sleeps, I spend time doing stuff with older DD that we can't do when the baby is around - lego, board games, etc.

I've found a couple of activities that interest both of them - they're both happy enough to play with musical instruments, a few of the bigger Little People sets, and with the water table and swings outside.







#3 beabea

Posted 15 January 2013 - 02:58 AM

Oh yes. They do this. Then the younger one grows old enough to be a playmate and things are better again.

Taking the older one on solo trips out was definitely a help, but hard to organise for us.

Playing when the baby is asleep also good.

I think the biggest thing for us was pushing harder on the "mum's helper" angle. I added chores, including general housework as well as baby care, until his idle hands were sufficiently occupied. It seemed to give him a sense of purpose and importance, as well as just something to do other than pick on his sister.

We also talked a lot about looking at things from another's point of view (he was just developing that ability - it usually comes between 3 and 4 in most kids). We talked a lot about his role and responsibilities as a big brother, etc.

I also found out about a concept called "facilitated play" which was in a book about... Successful Preschoolers? for 3-5yos. Basically it's unstructured, child-led play, but you step in where necessary to guide and extend the play (for example, if you can see one getting tetchy, you might ask a question about what they're doing which refocusses their attention and gets their rational side turned on, or you might step in and play along for a moment to keep the game moving along a peaceful path, then once they're ok you step back again). This is great for when you're NOT trying to cook dinner, etc - although it might still help a little under those circumstances if you can keep your attention on more things at once than I can, or if they are relatively peaceful together!

There were times when I had to separate them for everyone's safety when DS was feeling extra-surly and I had to get something done. We did a lot of time-out over that period. I tried to paint it more as a practical solution to a problem than a punishment - they were getting at each other and we all needed space to calm down. I had DS practice meditative techniques such as breathing and counting to ten. I often sent him to his room to do this when he started showing early signs of jealousy so he could calm down and return in a controlled state. I tried to point out the signs to him in the hope he could learn to self-regulate and take himself off when necessary, which worked to a certain, mild degree.

I also remember DD spending some time in the back carrier during dinner prep etc, for her safety.

Anyway, they still have their tiffs but it's not so frequent nor so much of a worry any more, so there is hope!

Edited by beabea, 15 January 2013 - 03:04 AM.


#4 icekool

Posted 15 January 2013 - 04:39 AM

Yes, this happened to us. We have DS1 who was 4.5, DS2 who was 2 9 months when DD was born. DS2 was terrible after a few months after DD's arrival. Although he had DS1 to play with, DD was always a threat. DS2 started to become rough with her and I could never leave the room with him alone with her (even if she was in a cot or porta cot). It did take time and he would always say to me, I don't like DD.

What I realised was that he missed the quality time we both had before DD arrival. Since DS1 was in kinder, we would go out together, spend time playing etc when I was pregnant. So when DD was sleeping or safe to be on her own, I tried my best (as tired as I was) to do the things we use to do. He loved going to shops or supermkt and help me with the clothes or groceries. I would buy him little treats because he was a good boy and mummy's special boy. I would constantly tell him that DD loves her brother so much. Would also "pretend" DD bought something for him from time to time. Generally make him believe DD loves him sooooo much.

Eventually DS2 saw that she wasn't a threat. That mummy can get frustrated with DD too and it wasn't just him. When DD learnt to kiss, I would make sure DS2 got one although initially he just didn't want to be close to her. But it was the special quality time I had with DS2 that reassured him he is still special to me.
DS2 is turning 4 next month and DD is now 14 months so things are better with him. DS2 now loves DD as he understands that she is not a threat and I also think it has to do with maturing more. HTH.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Life with anxiety

At times, I feel pretty worthless. In those moments, all I want to do is curl up into a ball and hide in the dark. I can try to quiet my mind, but it won?t shut up.

IVF leaves woman pregnant with another couple's twins

An Italian woman has been told the twins she is three months pregnant with are not hers.

'My mother-in-law found out our baby's gender behind our backs'

My husband and I mutually decided that we didn?t want to know our baby's sex before the birth, but his mother couldn't handle that.

What you need for the 'fourth trimester'

In my opinion, the first three months after the birth are the most intense. Here's what got me through that time after welcoming my baby.

Weaning a toddler off a dummy: a 15-day plan

Weaning your child off the dummy can be a traumatic experience for both of you. Here are some tips to help you through.

Choosing to be a solo parent

Two women share their stories of longing for a baby so much that they each decided not to wait for a partner before becoming a mum.

Asphyxia link another piece of the SIDS puzzle

An Australian study has uncovered information which could lead to a better understanding of why babies die from Sudden Infant Death Syndrome.

Rescue dog Zoey and BFF Jasper star in adorable pics

Photographer, self-professed "crazy dog lady" and mum Grace Chon takes photos of rescue dog Zoey and her 10-month-old son Jasper together. The results are just too cute. See more on Instagram @thegracechon.

The ultimate travel stroller: the Mountain Buggy nano

We tried the Mountain Buggy nano and give it an enthusiastic thumbs up. As the ultimate travel stroller, it's practical, has great features, and looks fab, too.

Mum's heartbreak as son dies in road accident

Daly Thomas and her two young sons were walking home from church on Tuesday afternoon. Her youngest son never made it.

New Kate Spade baby bag designs

Don?t adjust your screen: this bright beauty is coming to you in full colour.

Easter gifts for babies, no chocolate in sight!

If this is your little one?s first Easter you might want to mark the occasion with something a little extra special. Here are 10 Easter gift ideas, which won't harm little teeth.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Win the brand new phil&teds vibe

Check out the good looking new release of the Vibe 3 and the Verve 4-wheeler inline strollers. To celebrate their release, we have a Vibe with double kit to give away.

Baby sleep

From birth to one year and beyond, read about baby sleep, soothing techniques, routines, and sleep school experiences.

Easter gifts for babies, no chocolate in sight!

If this is your little one?s first Easter you might want to mark the occasion with something a little extra special. Here are 10 Easter gift ideas, which won't harm little teeth.

7 tips for a kid-free trip, not a guilt trip

Although I?m jumping out of my skin to take my child-free holiday, I?m dreading the goodbye. But I?m determined to make the most of it without tarnishing it with guilt or sadness about leaving the kids.

Itchibubs: clothes for babies and toddlers with eczema

Parents of children who suffer from eczema will know only too well the scratching that occurs around the clock. A new clothing range aims to help make everyone more comfortable.

Ear piercing: what age is best?

What is it that shapes our opinions on what?s an 'appropriate' age for our children to get their ears pierced? Parents share their views on how young is too young when it comes to piercing.

Caring for kids helps grandmothers stay mentally alert

Looking after grandchildren can help grandmothers ward off brain disease - but it's also possible to get too much of a good thing, researchers say.

Why I loved my third home water birth

After two water births at home, I was determined to give birth to my son the same way. I just hoped this birth would be quicker than my last two.

Revealed: 7 ways food marketers try to trick consumers

If you?re confused by food labels, you?re not alone. Next time you?re shopping for food, look out for these seven common labelling tricks.

'My mother-in-law found out our baby's gender behind our backs'

My husband and I mutually decided that we didn?t want to know our baby's sex before the birth, but his mother couldn't handle that.

 

Free Printable Activities

Keeping little hands busy

Free printable acitivity pages like colouring in, cutting, word finders, mazes, maths activities and puzzles.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.