Jump to content

3yr old jealous -acting out
Help!


  • Please log in to reply
3 replies to this topic

#1 dpr81

Posted 09 January 2013 - 10:10 AM

I am not sure if I am posting this in the right place...

I have a 3.5yr old and a 7.5mth old. My son who is generally a well behaved little boy - polite, knows right from wrong has turned... When my daughter arrived he wanted nothing to do with her for the first month or so and I never pushed her on him, I figured when he was ready he would come around. That he did, he would help with bath times, brushing her hair even washing her, playing with her, a dream!

I have been noticing the last couple of weeks as she is getting older and starting to interact a lot more as opposed to just rolling on the ground, he has become a little jealous. He has been off from daycare for 2-3weeks and is due to start up again in 2 weeks time. My daughter is teething and very clingy at the moment I am trying my hardest to share my time with them both

I hit my limit of being understanding just now when I caught him pushing her while she was sitting back into a wooden dresser! Enough is enough they were little things before that maybe I was overlooking but this I cannot. Has anyone else been dealing with this, any suggestions would be greatly welcomed!!

#2 SlinkyMalinki

Posted 09 January 2013 - 10:15 AM

I have a just over 3 year gap between my 2. (Now 1 and 4).  Both girls.  

I find occasionally taking just the big one out by herself really improves her behaviour (to the movies, or out to a coffee shop or similar)

When the baby sleeps, I spend time doing stuff with older DD that we can't do when the baby is around - lego, board games, etc.

I've found a couple of activities that interest both of them - they're both happy enough to play with musical instruments, a few of the bigger Little People sets, and with the water table and swings outside.







#3 beabea

Posted 15 January 2013 - 02:58 AM

Oh yes. They do this. Then the younger one grows old enough to be a playmate and things are better again.

Taking the older one on solo trips out was definitely a help, but hard to organise for us.

Playing when the baby is asleep also good.

I think the biggest thing for us was pushing harder on the "mum's helper" angle. I added chores, including general housework as well as baby care, until his idle hands were sufficiently occupied. It seemed to give him a sense of purpose and importance, as well as just something to do other than pick on his sister.

We also talked a lot about looking at things from another's point of view (he was just developing that ability - it usually comes between 3 and 4 in most kids). We talked a lot about his role and responsibilities as a big brother, etc.

I also found out about a concept called "facilitated play" which was in a book about... Successful Preschoolers? for 3-5yos. Basically it's unstructured, child-led play, but you step in where necessary to guide and extend the play (for example, if you can see one getting tetchy, you might ask a question about what they're doing which refocusses their attention and gets their rational side turned on, or you might step in and play along for a moment to keep the game moving along a peaceful path, then once they're ok you step back again). This is great for when you're NOT trying to cook dinner, etc - although it might still help a little under those circumstances if you can keep your attention on more things at once than I can, or if they are relatively peaceful together!

There were times when I had to separate them for everyone's safety when DS was feeling extra-surly and I had to get something done. We did a lot of time-out over that period. I tried to paint it more as a practical solution to a problem than a punishment - they were getting at each other and we all needed space to calm down. I had DS practice meditative techniques such as breathing and counting to ten. I often sent him to his room to do this when he started showing early signs of jealousy so he could calm down and return in a controlled state. I tried to point out the signs to him in the hope he could learn to self-regulate and take himself off when necessary, which worked to a certain, mild degree.

I also remember DD spending some time in the back carrier during dinner prep etc, for her safety.

Anyway, they still have their tiffs but it's not so frequent nor so much of a worry any more, so there is hope!

Edited by beabea, 15 January 2013 - 03:04 AM.


#4 icekool

Posted 15 January 2013 - 04:39 AM

Yes, this happened to us. We have DS1 who was 4.5, DS2 who was 2 9 months when DD was born. DS2 was terrible after a few months after DD's arrival. Although he had DS1 to play with, DD was always a threat. DS2 started to become rough with her and I could never leave the room with him alone with her (even if she was in a cot or porta cot). It did take time and he would always say to me, I don't like DD.

What I realised was that he missed the quality time we both had before DD arrival. Since DS1 was in kinder, we would go out together, spend time playing etc when I was pregnant. So when DD was sleeping or safe to be on her own, I tried my best (as tired as I was) to do the things we use to do. He loved going to shops or supermkt and help me with the clothes or groceries. I would buy him little treats because he was a good boy and mummy's special boy. I would constantly tell him that DD loves her brother so much. Would also "pretend" DD bought something for him from time to time. Generally make him believe DD loves him sooooo much.

Eventually DS2 saw that she wasn't a threat. That mummy can get frustrated with DD too and it wasn't just him. When DD learnt to kiss, I would make sure DS2 got one although initially he just didn't want to be close to her. But it was the special quality time I had with DS2 that reassured him he is still special to me.
DS2 is turning 4 next month and DD is now 14 months so things are better with him. DS2 now loves DD as he understands that she is not a threat and I also think it has to do with maturing more. HTH.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Show us your DUPLO creations to win!

We love to see the cool creations kids build when they play with LEGO DUPLO. Enter and share a picture of your childs creation for a chance to WIN 1 of 10 LEGO DUPLO prize packs worth over $100 each.

Jammy, Hula Hoop, Rage: Reddit reveals most unusual baby names

A recent Reddit thread has revealed some of the more creative names in the world.

Woman awakens from coma, learns she gave birth

A US woman awakened this week from a four-month-long coma that doctors had feared would be permanent and learned that she had given birth to a baby boy, according to her family.

'Give us a break': mum sent shocking letter over Facebook baby pics

Posting a lot of baby photos doesn't make you a bad person. It may make your Facebook feed a little irritating, but it doesn't make you a bad person.

In defense of the dads who do so much

It's time to shift the focus off what dads aren’t doing and shine it on what they are.

The modern cloth nappies too cute to cover up

If you're only just joining the modern cloth nappy movement, or would like to spruce up your collection, we have to introduce you to Designer Bums.

How breastfeeding can affect your libido

When you’ve just had a baby, having sex isn’t usually top priority. In fact, for a lot of women it rates about as appealing as changing another dirty nappy.

Should pregnant women be allowed to use 'parent and child' car parking spots?

Is it acceptable to use these car parking spots when pregnant? How many of us would admit to doing it?

Healthy baby from sperm taken 48 hours after a man died

Fertility doctors have described their "most extraordinary case" - creating a healthy baby from sperm taken 48 hours after a man had died.

Anti-vaccination mum's seven children contract whooping cough

A Canadian woman who had declined to have her children immunised against pertussis, better known as whooping cough, has changed her position now that all seven of her children have come down with the disease.

How pregnancy probiotics can help you and your baby

New research suggests that taking specific pregnancy probiotics could be the answer to a range of common pregnancy side effects.

Childcare is a big problem, but there's more to it

Let’s keep talking about these issues and not allow them to be put into a neat little box that’s labelled ‘Fix childcare and everything is solved’.

Pink's awesome response to body-shaming trolls

When trolls felt the need to comment on 35-year-old singer-songwriter Pink's weight, her answer was an awesome ode to body love.

Fertility clinic offers egg donors $5000

A national chain of fertility clinics is offering egg donors a $5000 payment to cover their expenses, a first for Australia which is raising concerns the money could act as an inducement.

Baby boy abandoned in India amid fresh surrogacy concerns

Australian officials could do nothing to stop an Australian couple from abandoning their baby son, born through surrogacy in India, after they decided they did not want to bring him to Australia.

Herd immunity and community responsibility: how free-riders can make kids suffer

Individual choice works for haircuts and handbags, but not for preventing infectious diseases that kill kids.

Photographer captures 'unexpected beauty' of birth

If there is one thing Leilani Rogers knows about childbirth, it is that no two deliveries are ever the same.

Expectations vs the reality of making a toddler's clothes

Note to self: less sewing, more life. Not the party dress, but the party. The toddler, as usual, has it all figured out.

Mum meets 'dead' daughter 49 years after birth

In 1965, Zella Jackson-Price was told her premature baby girl had died shortly after birth.

Sign up to our 30 days of #PlayIQ challenge

Sign up to receive 30 amazing tips and ideas for play with baby during the month of April and submit a picture or tip on our social wall for a chance to win an amazing Fisher-Price prize pack.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Sign up to our 30 days of #PlayIQ challenge

Sign up to receive 30 amazing tips and ideas for play with baby during the month of April and submit a picture or tip on our social wall for a chance to win an amazing Fisher-Price prize pack.

Tips for flying with a baby

Travelling with kids requires a whole other set of skills - ones that I have learned through (sometimes unfortunate) trial and error.

How to stay calm in an emergency

I’m not expecting you to be as calm as you might be right now. What I mean is that if your panic levels are through the roof during a stressful situation, let’s bring them down to just under the ceiling.

Toddler gets 'drunk' after cranberry juice mix-up

A toddler was taken to hospital after a waitress served her sangria instead of cranberry juice at a US restaurant.

Show us your toddlers LEGO DUPLO creations

We love to see the cool creations kids build when they play with LEGO DUPLO. Enter and share a picture of your childs creation for a chance to WIN 1 of 10 LEGO DUPLO prize packs worth over $100 each.

We need to stop using this word when we talk about childbirth

Is it shaming to point out that women are often being let down in birth?

The certificate helping parents deal with pregnancy loss

For some people, this certificate will offer a sense of validation that their child was acknowledged as being here and now gone, and will help them with life post-loss.

The phenomenon of phantom pregnancy kicks

'Phantom pregnancy kicks’ are encountered by many mums months - or even years - after their pregnancy is over.

The health insurance advice you can't afford to ignore

There's one simple switch that could save you hundreds of dollars a year in private health insurance.

4D scans show how smoking affects babies still in the womb

The harmful effects of smoking during pregnancy on unborn babies may be seen in tiny movements in their faces using 4D ultrasound scans, research has found.

The most dangerous toddler food trends

Pete Evans' paleo cookbook for kids caused a storm, but there are plenty of other unsafe food trends for babies and toddlers.

Infection killed new mum of twins

Modern medicine could not save 19-year-old Sophie Burgess who died 48 hours after giving birth to twins in the UK.

How to babyproof your job interview

Once upon a time, I was a fan of job interviews. That all changed after I'd switched careers, had a baby and decided to spend the first year at home with her.

Grieving families give warnings after toddler deaths

Two Queensland families are grieving the loss of their toddler sons after the boys drowned in separate incidents last week.

Man faces jail after giving woman abortion pill smoothie

A Norwegian man is facing jail after putting abortion pills in his ex-girlfriend's smoothie, causing her to have a miscarriage.

'He's a blessing': family of baby born without eyes

Jordy Jackson was born without eyes. He has anophthalmia, which affects one in every 100,000 babies born.

Super fit model Sarah Stage defends her pregnancy body

Model Sarah Stage has defended her pregnancy body after critics claimed her slim figure at eight-and-a-half months pregnant wasn't "normal".

Why I post breastfeeding photos online

I love to take pictures of my children. In some of the pictures, my younger son is nursing.

The day I broke my baby

There are things I wish I didn't know. I wish I didn't know that companies make tiny braces, small enough to hold necks no bigger than a wrist.

Geeky baby gear

If your family is more into Star Wars, gaming and the periodic table than most, you might want to check out these geek-chic baby items.

Grandbabies: the babies born looking old

Not a day under 65 and a lifetime of struggle! That's the look of these newborns, who look adorably older than their real age. Social networking site Reddit recently featured user submissions of adorable grandbabies, here are our favourites.

53 creative pregnancy announcements

Announcing that you're expecting can be a time to express your creativity, sense of humour and imagination. Check out how other parents and parents-to-be have broken the news to friends and family.

IKEA hacks for the nursery and kids' rooms

Are you one of those that know the whole IKEA catalogue by heart? Love their stuff but want to personalise it? Here's some inspiration to help you realise the potential of IKEA furniture and fittings.

36 baby names inspired by food and drinks

A French court may have ruled out Nutella as a baby name, but that doesn't have to stop you from taking inspiration from the supermarket (or bottle shop). See what parents in the US have chosen for their delicious little ones.

Clever breastfeeding products

Check out this range of products designed to help make your breastfeeding journey more enjoyable, manageable and convenient.

 

SIGN UP NOW!

Win a year's worth of toys

Receive a daily email from Essential Baby for just the month of April with great play tips and ideas, then submit your baby at play photos to our Playwall, Instagram or Twitter for your chance to win.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.