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WTF just happened to me?
Alone in hospital post-birth, freaking out a little

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#1 Guest_katem666_*

Posted 09 January 2013 - 12:09 AM

I don't want to make this too long, i'm writing on my iphone at 1am in my solitary hospital room and am trying to not feel so freaked out by what i just went through.
I'm sure it's far from the worst birth story ever, and both me and baby have escaped with relatively little damage. I'm not 'disappointed' per se, it was just so horribly violent. I'm overtired after 5 days of prelabour, and had to be induced after my waters broke but contractions weren't progressing. I went from 2cm to 10cm in 4 hours (thank god for pethadine) but then had a horribly prolonged period of trying to push what i had been told would be a small sized baby but turned out to be over 9lbs and round the wrong way. Ages of trying to get her out with the vacuum, episiotomy, and then her shoulders got stuck and the obs was pulling her up and down for what seemed forever while the midwives pushed on my belly to try to squeeze her out. And then she wasn't breathing when they got her out, but luckily a bit of oxygen got her going.
The paed said her shoulders don't seem to be damaged. Everyone is telling me i'm a champion. She is too distressed to breastfeed and due to the amount of blood i lost it was decided i should be alone for the night to rest. Luckily she's calmed down and is asleep and will hopefully stay that way in the nursery.
So i'm alone. Too upset to rest. Hooked up to an iv and a catheter. And every time i move it seems i gush more blood. And i feel so disconnected from the good parts of what just happened, my beautiful baby and the look on my dh's face when he looks at her.
I know i will feel better tomorrow as i begin to heal, but i just needed to get this out so i feel a little less alone.

#2 Kafkaesque

Posted 09 January 2013 - 12:16 AM

So sorry your birth wasn't ideal. But congratulations! I can't suggest much but strongly suggest you press the call bell and ask for something to help you sleep.

All the best for coming days with your new baby.

#3 Xiola

Posted 09 January 2013 - 12:19 AM

Oh dear katem666, I hope you're OK.  I can completely relate to your experience having had a very similar experience with my first.  Be gentle with yourself.  I was in shock for a bit afterwards and really struggled to be around people (everyone wanting to see the new baby etc) so make sure you listen to your self and what you need.

Take care.  It really is a traumatic experience to go through when it's like that and it takes time to heal from.

#4 Mummy Em

Posted 09 January 2013 - 12:26 AM

I am so sorry to hear that! If you want to you can ask for your baby to be brought back at any time, don't feel you have to go along with that if you don't feel it is helpful. I had a traumatic birth and I understand that feeling of disconnection with what happened and even from your baby. Connecting with my baby didn't take too long, I was pretty wrapped with her. Processing what had happened took a bit longer. You should be able to get debriefed through the hospital and I highly recommend that you take advantage of that.

#5 GladRags

Posted 09 January 2013 - 12:29 AM

Welcome to the outside world little DD and Congratulations to you and your DH!!!

Katem666 look after yourself, you have been through an ordeal and half.  It is going to take a while to recoup and recover, just make sure you look after yourself and don't do too much.  Just concentrate on you and your brand new bubba, the rest of the world can take care of itself for a while!!!

Play with the iphone for a while then put it away and sleeeeeeepppppp.

#6 FEdeRAL

Posted 09 January 2013 - 12:36 AM

Oh you poor thing.  Maybe just focus on the positives tonight so that you can get some rest? But make sure you find someone to talk to when you are up tomorrow as PP suggested.

And congratulations!

#7 Alina0210

Posted 09 January 2013 - 01:24 AM

Also feel free to contact a post natal Doula in your area, handy to be able to talk to someone who isnt family and someone you can vent too and can understand...

Depending on what state your in, i could forward on names and numbers if you like.

Edited by Alina0210, 09 January 2013 - 01:24 AM.

#8 TTC2013

Posted 09 January 2013 - 01:33 AM

Op I second talking to your midwives/nurses about how your feeling.. It's all well and good for them to send DH home for you to rest but if that's not happening maybe it's time for a plan change. Make sure when the doctors come in (prob in the am) you ask for a debrief.
Congratulations on the birth of DD  original.gif I hope she's back with you very soon

#9 *lightning

Posted 09 January 2013 - 01:46 AM

Congratulations! Doesn't sound like a smooth birth but you did it and now you have a beautiful baby, well done.

I understand that alone feeling when your in hospital and I only relaxed when I got home. If you need to speak with someone buzz and tell a midwife how you feel, they will know how to help you or get in contact with someone you can talk to.

Remember you can ask for your baby back anytime and they will encourage close contact and feeding. I understand how difficult it can be when your baby is a little distressed and won't feed. My DS2 was difficult to feed straight away due to a fast birth, he was shocked.

As your body heals you will start to feel better and If want to sleep but can't, ask for something to help you sleep. Don't suffer through it, rest when you can and enjoy your new baby!

#10 Guest_katem666_*

Posted 09 January 2013 - 02:28 AM

Thankyou to everyone for the lovely, sensible, sympathetic and helpful replies.
I think i had a bit of a panic attack not long after writing my post, but taking pp's advice i buzzed for a nurse, and just talked to her a bit about how i felt until i calmed down. I'm not sure she fully understood what i wasupset about, but it was still helpful to have someone listen and reassure me that everything's gonna be ok.
I then managed to fall asleepfor a couple of hours, and while i am wide awake again at 3.30am, and keep startling awake 'reliving' a moment of the labour when i do try to get back to sleep, i feel a lot calmer and can't wait to see dd and dh in a few hours. Hopefully i can be moved to a roomwhere dh can stay over, cos he is the person who can calm me down best of anyone and iknow his presense will help me sleep and relax. Will def talk to dr and nurses about that asap.
Thanks again everyone.
Ps omg i had a baby! I HAVE a baby!

#11 Guest_bottle~rocket_*

Posted 09 January 2013 - 02:46 AM

OP, that sounds  like it was very traumatic for you and your baby.  You will need to talk about your experience a lot in the coming days and weeks to process it. It is very important that you feel able to do so, even though you will be very busy caring for your new baby. I agree with PPs about asking to debrief with someone while you are still in hospital.

If you want to see your baby, ask them to bring her to you right now! You don't have to wait. Congratulations and take care.

#12 Lady Lovely Locks

Posted 09 January 2013 - 06:55 AM

Congratulations on the birth of your beautiful baby girl!!

#13 Kay1

Posted 09 January 2013 - 07:18 AM

So glad you're feeling a bit better now. Good suggestions on here, I'm glad you took one of them. Congratulations on your beautiful baby girl and be kind to yourself. xxoo

#14 Marchioness Flea

Posted 09 January 2013 - 07:22 AM

Try to get skin to skin contact with your new daughter to help calm you both down. She knows you by your smell now and it can help with feeding problems as well. Plus it's the most amazing feeling! The midwives should be full of useful advice to help with feeding , try to relax as much as possible when feeding as well.


I also had a slightly traumatic birth, and I was in shock afterwards. I really wasn't expecting the overwhelming emotions afterwards, and I was flat in bed for 24 hours or so, with 2 PPH and a transfusion. Though on the positive side, it meant my husband had to deal with that first gross meconium poo lol.

As everyone has said, take care of yourself and talk to someone experienced in birth trauma. The worst thing you can do is bottle it all up inside. Talk to anyone you can really, other mothers, us here, anyone supportive as it can help you deal with things.

#15 Mianta

Posted 09 January 2013 - 07:24 AM

Oh you poor thing. I am a midwife and from your description, you did have a traumatic experience. It is ok for you to feel overwhelmed by these events. They are even scary for the midwives and doctors involved.

I would suggest having a chat with the midwife who was looking after during your labour/birth. Get a proper debrief and allow yourself to get your head around everything that happened.

The midwives are right though, you are a champion original.gif

#16 Lyn29

Posted 09 January 2013 - 08:54 AM

QUOTE (katem666 @ 09/01/2013, 03:28 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Ps omg i had a baby! I HAVE a baby!

Wonderful - congratulations!

I hope it's smoother sailing for you from here on in. Enjoy some cuddles with your precious DD and DH. <3

#17 R2B2

Posted 09 January 2013 - 09:05 AM

bbighug.gif and congratulations.

Please talk to someone about how you feel. it is ok to feel that way, but bottling it inside just makes it worse.
try and get as much rest as your body and baby will allow and talk, talk, talk!

#18 harryhoo

Posted 09 January 2013 - 09:11 AM

First of all Congratulations on the arrival of your DD and well done for getting through the labour - no doubt you did a really great job. Your experience sounds similar to mine. DS was born on the Sunday morning and when my DH (who had popped out for dinner) came back on Sunday night I just burts into tears and said ''it wasn't meant to be like this''... I had thought I would be lying back in my hospital bed with DS snuggled on my chest enjoying the blissful first moments of motherhood. Yeah, not so much. The only thing was that I was lying back in my hospital bed... because I couldn't sit up without passing out! I described my birth suite as like a crime scene!! LOL!

But the great thing was that by Tuesday (two days later) I felt soooooo much better - emotionally, mentally and physically. I hope you get to enjoy lots of snuggles soon! And make sure you continue to talk to people about how you're feeling!

Edited by harryhoo, 09 January 2013 - 09:14 AM.

#19 marthajones

Posted 09 January 2013 - 09:25 AM


I understand the WTF just happened feeling!  Some of what I went through was very similar to your experience.

My advice to you is to please rest, I know it is hard to switch off but in retrospect it was going from being absolutely exhausted from prelabour / prolonged labour and pushing stages straight into newborn territory with no chance to catch up and rebuild my energy stores (particularly with a PPH!) that really did me in and made life difficult in the coming months.  I know now that if I had been given the chance to properly look after myself and recharge I would've been feeling much better - physically and mentally, far more quickly.

So rest if you can, make sure your husband helps you out as much as he can while you recover and if you have offers from family and friends to help, take them up.  You will feel so much better for it.

Also, I dont know if this is the 'correct' advice, but for me, not dwelling on the birth and everything that happened to me really helped - it was over and done with, couldn't go back and change it - I accepted that I had a difficult birth, and that I now had a beautiful bub to focus on. I rarely think of it these days but when I do it isn't with the same anger / anxiety that I did when I started.  This may not be the right approach with you though, just sharing what helped for me :-)  

Congratulations again!

#20 BlueEyedBeauties

Posted 09 January 2013 - 05:29 PM

Tell the nurses you want your baby with you.. Tell them you can't rest without her so its pointless them keeping her in the nursery.
Then once you've had some time with her you can see how you're feeling etc.
Don't be afraid to talk to a eons about how you're feeling.. The baby blues and depression can sneak up on you super quick if you're not careful..

Even if you get her for a few hours for cuddles and then they can take her bak when you're ready to sleep.

#21 Corella Deville

Posted 09 January 2013 - 11:17 PM


QUOTE (Mianta @ 09/01/2013, 07:24 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Oh you poor thing. I am a midwife and from your description, you did have a traumatic experience. It is ok for you to feel overwhelmed by these events. They are even scary for the midwives and doctors involved.

I would suggest having a chat with the midwife who was looking after during your labour/birth. Get a proper debrief and allow yourself to get your head around everything that happened.

The midwives are right though, you are a champion original.gif

OP I can't speak for the details of what happened with your delivery, but this is really great advice.  I'm a doctor but I don't work in this exact area.  A medical emergency like this with your baby's shoulder being stuck really is an incredibly traumatic and frightening experience to endure.  As Mianta said it is even scary for the midwives and doctors in those desperate minutes...  Definitely talk to the midwife +\- doctors that looked after you, talk to your husband etc... It is very natural to feel the way you do but a kind and considered explanation of what happened and why etc can go a long way to helping you, and it really does help to debrief and have an outlet for your feelings and understanding for the events etc.

Congratulations on your new baby and so glad she arrived safely for you

Edited by teenie, 09 January 2013 - 11:31 PM.

#22 Meandkids

Posted 10 January 2013 - 09:23 AM

You poor thing.  It sounds like you had a really traumatic experience.

I would suggets talking to the midwives about your feelings around what happened.  Don't let the whole 'you are a champion label' stop you from expressing how traumatic it was for you.  Talk to a few of the midwives on duty who come to look after you.  Debriefing is really important after trauma.  Tell your husband how horrible it was for you.

Hopefully these feelings will pass.  If they don;t, please seek some professional counselling.

Take care.  Get some rest.  Look after yourself.

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