Jump to content

Typical DH or not?


  • Please log in to reply
109 replies to this topic

#1 charliebean

Posted 08 January 2013 - 06:37 PM

So the baby has kept you up all night, you've then worked from home with 3 kids under your feet all day and done a once over clean before DH gets home from work. On his arrival you head straight out to drop 1 kid back to their house and to do a quick food shop telling DH to organise dinner for themselves.

Get home and kids are still up, way past their bed time however they are fed (baked beans) but not bathed or even remotely ready for bed and over tired. Kitchen is a pig sty.

Can I expect him to know when and how to put his children to bed and clean the kitchen of his dinner mess without actually telling him? (It's the same routine every night)

Cranky or not? And what would you do?

Edited by charliebean, 08 January 2013 - 06:38 PM.


#2 CalEliKat

Posted 08 January 2013 - 06:39 PM

My husband knows the kids routine as well as I do.  He would have cooked a full dinner, bathed them and had them in bed, and then done the dishes.  

I love my husband, he is awesome, but it seems that he is not typical.

#3 WithSprinkles

Posted 08 January 2013 - 06:43 PM

I think it's reasonable. My DH bathes my DD every night at the same time, then will put her to bed after I have breastfed her so he is well aware of (and involved) in the bedtime routine. If I ever go out, he knows exactly what needs to be done re dinner, bath, expressed milk bottle & bed without me having to spell anything out..

ETA: just realised it might've sounded like I was saying your DH was reasonable .. I meant that I think it is reasonable that you should be able to expect him to do the routine without a running checklist!

Edited by VanillaIcecream, 08 January 2013 - 06:45 PM.


#4 bikingbubs

Posted 08 January 2013 - 06:44 PM

Mine knows DS's routine (DD dosent have one yet!) and he would have him fed/bathed/ in bed  with the kitchen clean & dishwasher packed original.gif

#5 ~nikki~

Posted 08 January 2013 - 06:44 PM

My husband would know when to put them to bed as he is a big part of the night routine however I'd have to give instructions for dinner or prepare something myself earlier :-)

#6 SplashingRainbows

Posted 08 January 2013 - 06:45 PM

When was the last time he did the dinner bed bath routine ?

I would expect my husband to know, but at the same time I would make sure he knew not just assumed.

For this reason he plays a role in dinner bed bath each night and has a solo turn at least once per month. In the early days he really wasn't as intuitive at things as I was - so while frustrating I couldn't really expect he would do things the same way as me when I did it all, all the time.

By 3 kids I'd bloody hope he could get it sorted.

#7 rainycat

Posted 08 January 2013 - 06:47 PM

Not typical at my house.
My dh is a fantastic dad and great around the house.
It's just the way he is.

#8 Feral Madam Mim

Posted 08 January 2013 - 06:47 PM

Yes, my DH is more than capable of looking after, feeding, and bedding all of his children.

OP I would have headed straight to bed and told DH he was the one who would be dealing with the children for that night.

#9 FEdeRAL

Posted 08 January 2013 - 06:55 PM

I would be cranky. But it really depends on what he had been doing. Was he on the computer or spending times with the kids? If the latter I'd be more inclined to let it go.  

Fwiw DH can cook and knows the full routine, great at cleaning and does the whole bath/bed routine every night with DS but I find that if I want him to stick to schedule I will have to nag him. And if there are any baked beans in the pantry he would serve them for dinner too..

#10 mandarins

Posted 08 January 2013 - 06:57 PM

DH knows how to do the evening routine but he does it his way (which is bit different from mine).
I dont mind that. My only complaint is he usually does everything later than I would which results in over tired kids.

There have been times though when due to work commitment DH gets out of date with current routines. I need to give him a catch up sometimes if he does something out of date and try not get angry with him for not knowing better.

#11 Space is Big

Posted 08 January 2013 - 06:58 PM

My DH is as capable of looking after the kids as much as I am.  He would have feed, bathed and had them in bed (probably early so that he had more kid free time), and have headed down to clean up the kitchen and would have tidied the lounge too.

My DH is an adult and knows it is up to him to get things done regardless of what he wants to do.

#12 Expelliarmus

Posted 08 January 2013 - 06:58 PM

My DH is capable of it. But lately it wouldn't be done. He's dropped the ball lately. I'm hoping he picks it up again soonish.

I have decided not to get stressed about it because I don't need the additional stress.



#13 FreeRangeMum

Posted 08 January 2013 - 07:00 PM

I'd' be p*ssed. DH would do this!! I'd fume and throw a tanty, he'd promise to do better next time, and then repeat!

#14 Silvergirl12

Posted 08 January 2013 - 07:00 PM

Not typical in this house. DH does the bath/bed routine and I cook dinner (I like to cook!). We both then clean up the kitchen after DD is in bed and have a general tidy up. He does the majority of the bedtime stories too.

#15 (feral)epg

Posted 08 January 2013 - 07:05 PM

How often does he get the chance to feed and put the kids to bed?  I would expect him to know how  - but  not if you're the 'primary caregiver' and seldom give him the opportunity.


#16 JRA

Posted 08 January 2013 - 07:07 PM

Typical - God Knows.

Appropriate - definitely not.

Hopeless - definitely


If we think this is "typical" of a male, maybe that is why males can think it is "typical" that women are happy to do all the work.

#17 kadoodle

Posted 08 January 2013 - 07:08 PM

DH is very inconsistant with this kind of thing.  Last time he did the evening shift with the kids, they had spag bol, then bath and bed by 7.30. Dishes done, kitchen and dining room cleaned and wine and cheese waiting.

The time before, I came home to the remains of tea on the table, the older kids watching cartoons, the baby eating catfood, the toddler naked and spreading cream from a piece of sponge cake everywhere, the kitchen a mess and DH playing DragonAge on the PC.

#18 axiomae

Posted 08 January 2013 - 07:09 PM

Not typical. DP is wonderful - knows it all inside out and often does it so I can go out when I need some time to myself with friends.

#19 Ridcully

Posted 08 January 2013 - 07:10 PM

QUOTE (kerrie23 @ 08/01/2013, 07:39 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
My husband knows the kids routine as well as I do.  He would have cooked a full dinner, bathed them and had them in bed, and then done the dishes.  

I love my husband, he is awesome, but it seems that he is not typical.


This is my husband too.

However even if he doesn't know your routine he surely would have some idea of what is needed to put the kids to bed - you mentioned you have three kids? So that's at least 3 years of living with the kids plenty of time to have some sort of an idea.

I'd probably be quite annoyed. The only exception would be if he spent the time playing with the kids, I love walking in and seeing them playing away even if the kitchen is a mess. As long as he helps clean it up afterwards wink.gif

#20 strawberrycakes

Posted 08 January 2013 - 07:11 PM

Not typical in my house.  My DH is probably better organised myself.

In the OPs situation my DH would have had DD fed (dinner would have been meat & vege), showered & in bed after a story.

#21 Taystee

Posted 08 January 2013 - 07:14 PM

Not typical here either- my DH probably wouldn't have tidied much but child would have been fed, bathed, and put to bed, and dinner at least started. Quite possibly the dishwasher may have been emptied/loaded.

OP, be cranky!

#22 Mumma3

Posted 08 January 2013 - 07:15 PM

Does he normally get home in time for the dinner/bath/bed routine? Is he familiar with it?
Was it just baked beans because that was all there was (I ask because you mention you had to do some shopping)?
Did he possibly also have an exhausting day at work?
Does this always happen, or is it just a one off?
Was it stinking hot where you are today, making kids extra hot and cranky, as well as adults more short tempered than usual?
Did you "tell" him to get all this done or did you "ask" him, ie did you actually have a conversation where you mentioned your day, and listen to him explain his.



#23 MrsLexiK

Posted 08 January 2013 - 07:18 PM

With today's weather and how it had been lately and the fact it is holidays I probably would have been feeding the kids beans on toast too. Whoops what a hopeless mother I would make. I'd also probably be on the coach with the kitchen a mess, hang on I am on the coach with the kitchen a mess (at least I cooked a quick devilled snags as steamed some veggies for dinner)

OP I don't think it makes your DH less wonderful or a bad dad because he hasn't put the kids to bed. I used to love mum going out as dad always let us stay up later. Also you say you were going food shopping, I know my DH wouldn't be able to rummage a meal together like I do with a bare pantry and make it taste nice because he isn't really a cook cook. Whereas I love it and even when all that is left is the tinned beans and the like from the camping stocks I can add flavours so they don't taste like they came out of a can. My DH would be lost -he'd probably give the kids a plate of sauce to go with them.

#24 busymumof1&1/2

Posted 08 January 2013 - 07:21 PM

It would have been typical in my house. My DH is at home for most of the night time routine, he just ignores me doing it. He also ignores the kids bed times when I am around, let alone if I was out.

#25 Tree Sage

Posted 08 January 2013 - 07:22 PM

was he woken all night with the crying baby too?
Hadnt he just spent all day at work?
Did he just come home from work just as exhausted as you and get greeted at the door with a list of demands?
If I were him I would be the one who was annoyed!




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Tot meets his heroes, falls apart with excitement

Two-year-old Quincy finished his potty training last week, and as part of his reward he was able to meet his idols.

Beautiful in our eyes: Georgia's story

I will never deny the fact that grief has a place when you give birth to a child who brings a set of circumstances very different to what you imagined. Because for nine months, I thought I knew my Georgie.

'It's been phenomenal': widower dad of quads thankful for support

There was nothing Erica and Carlos wanted more than a baby.

Vin Diesel names daughter after actor Paul Walker

The actor said there was "no other person" he was thinking about when he chose the name.

How midwives can help women who experience domestic violence

More than half of women who live with abusive partners experience violence during pregnancy.

Mum describes giving birth during Cyclone Pam

A new mother was told she must flee Port Vila hospital with her baby as Cyclone Pam bore down.

6 signs you're done having babies

There were a few signs I'm never going back to the land of maternity jeans, breast pumps and bassinets.

Marta Dusseldorp reveals breastfeeding cost her an acting job

Australian actress Marta Dusseldorp has revealed she was forced to withdraw from a Sydney Theatre Company production because a director did not approve of her breast feeding.

Female celebs (or their babies) with traditionally male names

Looking for a name that's a little bit different for a girl? Turn to names that have been traditionally used for males, as these celebs (or their parents) did.

'If you're anti-immunisation ... take a look at this picture of my son'

Greg Hughes is "an absolute shell of a man" as he and his wife Catherine struggle to come to terms with the loss of their newborn son Riley to whooping cough.

How an extrovert can raise an introvert

Introverts are often misunderstood as shy, and sometimes even rude. A timid child can be difficult to build rapport with, but it's important we nurture their sensitive natures.

Sheryl Sandberg's advice

'Choreplay': Help out at home to get more sex, Sandberg tells men

Forget foreplay. The new and improved route to intercourse is "choreplay" - it's good for your spouse, good for your house, and comes with the imprimatur of feminist du jour Sheryl Sandberg.

How to play with your baby

The first time your child learns a new skill at playtime is very exciting - for both you and your baby! Play is important to your child's development for a variety of reasons - here are some simple ideas for you to try at home.

I'm a single mother by choice

For me, being the best mother I can be means being a mum alone, at least for now. Thinking of my friends with inadequate partners, I wonder why more people don’t choose single motherhood.

Awkward wedding photos

Weird poses, surprise photobombs, bizarre editing: these are the wedding photos that should have never seen the light of day.

Four-week-old baby Riley Hughes dies of whooping cough

The mother of a four-week-old Perth baby who died after contracting whooping cough says her family has been left devastated by the loss of her "gorgeous, sweet" son.

Win a Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom prize pack

To celebrate the April 1 release of Holly's Magic Wand on DVD and Digital, we are giving away five DVD packs featuring the newest installment of Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom Holly's Magic Wand and many more hours of family entertainment! Enter Now!

Oh boy! Video shows family's reaction to baby surprise

Little Peyton Williams thought she was getting a baby sister named Charlee. But the two-year-old has had to settle for a doll dressed in pink after her baby "sister" turned out to be a boy.

How to help build up your baby's immune system

We all know that having a strong immune system is the best way to stay healthy – but what can we do to help it along?

'Nick, you need to call an ambulance': home birth mum's tragic death

A Melbourne mum who died after the home birth of her baby pleaded with her husband to call an ambulance because she felt she was going to die, the Victorian Coroners Court has heard.

When dads believe their baby doesn't 'like' them

Q: My two-month-old baby doesn't like me. He's perfectly content with my wife, but when I try to hold him, he gets upset and cries. I've backed off a little, thinking that he just needs a little time to get used to me, but that doesn't seem to be working. I'm starting to think I'm just not a very good dad. Is it too late for me to build a relationship with my baby?

When was the last time a stranger praised your parenting?

Wouldn’t it be great to get some nice feedback every now and then? After all, everyone likes to hear positive praise, particularly when it comes to parenting.

Special Ticket Offer, Save $8!

The Essential Baby & Toddler Show is back this April! Save $8 off the door price for a limited time only!

15 names on the verge of extinction

If you're looking to revive an older name, or don’t want anything near the top 1000 list, check out these rare monikers for your unique baby.

5 characteristics of great dads

It’s great to see a generation of dads who are more actively involved with caring, nurturing and loving their kids.

Why doesn't Australia have more breast milk banks?

When there’s no question that milk banks are important, why don’t we have more of them in Australia?

Carrie Bickmore announces birth of daughter

Television personality Carrie Bickmore has given birth to her second child.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Sign up to our 30 days of #PlayIQ challenge

Sign up to receive 30 amazing tips and ideas for play with baby during the month of April and submit a picture or tip on our social wall for a chance to win an amazing Fisher-Price prize pack.

Man faces jail after giving woman abortion pill smoothie

A Norwegian man is facing jail after putting abortion pills in his ex-girlfriend's smoothie, causing her to have a miscarriage.

'He's a blessing': family of baby born without eyes

Jordy Jackson was born without eyes. He has anophthalmia, which affects one in every 100,000 babies born.

Super fit model Sarah Stage defends her pregnancy body

Model Sarah Stage has defended her pregnancy body after critics claimed her slim figure at eight-and-a-half months pregnant wasn't "normal".

Win a Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom and Peppa Pig prize pack

To celebrate the April 1 release of Holly's Magic Wand on DVD and Digital, Essential Baby and Entertainment One are giving away five bumper DVD packs featuring the newest installment of Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom Holly's Magic Wand and many more hours of family entertainment! Enter Now!

Why I post breastfeeding photos online

I love to take pictures of my children. In some of the pictures, my younger son is nursing.

The day I broke my baby

There are things I wish I didn't know. I wish I didn't know that companies make tiny braces, small enough to hold necks no bigger than a wrist.

The place just for dads of multiples

When a couple discovers they're expecting multiples, the dad can sometimes be almost forgotten in all the excitement and preparation. But one group offers a space just for dads of twins and higher-order multiples.

Brave mum calls for domestic violence law reform

A brave mum of two has shared details of the harrowing attacks she suffered at the hands of her partner in a bid to help other victims of domestic violence.

Why I had the new test for Down syndrome

Early last year I turned 35, and having just found out I was pregnant, I opted to have the new test for Down syndrome.

Geeky baby gear

If your family is more into Star Wars, gaming and the periodic table than most, you might want to check out these geek-chic baby items.

2015: the year of the sheep

According to the Chinese zodiac, babies born in the year of the sheep are creative and enjoy spending quiet time with their own thoughts.

Breakthrough genetic testing now available in Australia

Pregnant women will for the first time have access to locally analysed, accurate, non-invasive pre-natal genetic testing when the first Australian clinic to offer the services opens its doors next week.

Grandbabies: the babies born looking old

Not a day under 65 and a lifetime of struggle! That's the look of these newborns, who look adorably older than their real age. Social networking site Reddit recently featured user submissions of adorable grandbabies, here are our favourites.

Family kicked off flight after toddler seatbelt drama

An entire family was kicked off a Cathay Pacific flight when a misbehaving toddler refused to put his seatbelt on.

Stolen baby found after 17 years

A baby stolen from her mother's arms shortly after birth has been found through an astonishing coincidence.

53 creative pregnancy announcements

Announcing that you're expecting can be a time to express your creativity, sense of humour and imagination. Check out how other parents and parents-to-be have broken the news to friends and family.

IKEA hacks for the nursery and kids' rooms

Are you one of those that know the whole IKEA catalogue by heart? Love their stuff but want to personalise it? Here's some inspiration to help you realise the potential of IKEA furniture and fittings.

36 baby names inspired by food and drinks

A French court may have ruled out Nutella as a baby name, but that doesn't have to stop you from taking inspiration from the supermarket (or bottle shop). See what parents in the US have chosen for their delicious little ones.

Clever breastfeeding products

Check out this range of products designed to help make your breastfeeding journey more enjoyable, manageable and convenient.

 

Sign up now!

30 days of #PlayIQ challenge

Receive a daily email from Essential Baby during April with great play tips and ideas, then submit your baby at play photos to our Playwall, Instagram or Twitter for your chance to win.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.