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Typical DH or not?

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#1 charliebean

Posted 08 January 2013 - 06:37 PM

So the baby has kept you up all night, you've then worked from home with 3 kids under your feet all day and done a once over clean before DH gets home from work. On his arrival you head straight out to drop 1 kid back to their house and to do a quick food shop telling DH to organise dinner for themselves.

Get home and kids are still up, way past their bed time however they are fed (baked beans) but not bathed or even remotely ready for bed and over tired. Kitchen is a pig sty.

Can I expect him to know when and how to put his children to bed and clean the kitchen of his dinner mess without actually telling him? (It's the same routine every night)

Cranky or not? And what would you do?

Edited by charliebean, 08 January 2013 - 06:38 PM.

#2 CalEliKat

Posted 08 January 2013 - 06:39 PM

My husband knows the kids routine as well as I do.  He would have cooked a full dinner, bathed them and had them in bed, and then done the dishes.  

I love my husband, he is awesome, but it seems that he is not typical.

#3 WithSprinkles

Posted 08 January 2013 - 06:43 PM

I think it's reasonable. My DH bathes my DD every night at the same time, then will put her to bed after I have breastfed her so he is well aware of (and involved) in the bedtime routine. If I ever go out, he knows exactly what needs to be done re dinner, bath, expressed milk bottle & bed without me having to spell anything out..

ETA: just realised it might've sounded like I was saying your DH was reasonable .. I meant that I think it is reasonable that you should be able to expect him to do the routine without a running checklist!

Edited by VanillaIcecream, 08 January 2013 - 06:45 PM.

#4 bikingbubs

Posted 08 January 2013 - 06:44 PM

Mine knows DS's routine (DD dosent have one yet!) and he would have him fed/bathed/ in bed  with the kitchen clean & dishwasher packed original.gif

#5 ~nikki~

Posted 08 January 2013 - 06:44 PM

My husband would know when to put them to bed as he is a big part of the night routine however I'd have to give instructions for dinner or prepare something myself earlier :-)

#6 SplashingRainbows

Posted 08 January 2013 - 06:45 PM

When was the last time he did the dinner bed bath routine ?

I would expect my husband to know, but at the same time I would make sure he knew not just assumed.

For this reason he plays a role in dinner bed bath each night and has a solo turn at least once per month. In the early days he really wasn't as intuitive at things as I was - so while frustrating I couldn't really expect he would do things the same way as me when I did it all, all the time.

By 3 kids I'd bloody hope he could get it sorted.

#7 rainycat

Posted 08 January 2013 - 06:47 PM

Not typical at my house.
My dh is a fantastic dad and great around the house.
It's just the way he is.

#8 Feral Madam Mim

Posted 08 January 2013 - 06:47 PM

Yes, my DH is more than capable of looking after, feeding, and bedding all of his children.

OP I would have headed straight to bed and told DH he was the one who would be dealing with the children for that night.

#9 FEdeRAL

Posted 08 January 2013 - 06:55 PM

I would be cranky. But it really depends on what he had been doing. Was he on the computer or spending times with the kids? If the latter I'd be more inclined to let it go.  

Fwiw DH can cook and knows the full routine, great at cleaning and does the whole bath/bed routine every night with DS but I find that if I want him to stick to schedule I will have to nag him. And if there are any baked beans in the pantry he would serve them for dinner too..

#10 mandarins

Posted 08 January 2013 - 06:57 PM

DH knows how to do the evening routine but he does it his way (which is bit different from mine).
I dont mind that. My only complaint is he usually does everything later than I would which results in over tired kids.

There have been times though when due to work commitment DH gets out of date with current routines. I need to give him a catch up sometimes if he does something out of date and try not get angry with him for not knowing better.

#11 Space is Big

Posted 08 January 2013 - 06:58 PM

My DH is as capable of looking after the kids as much as I am.  He would have feed, bathed and had them in bed (probably early so that he had more kid free time), and have headed down to clean up the kitchen and would have tidied the lounge too.

My DH is an adult and knows it is up to him to get things done regardless of what he wants to do.

#12 Expelliarmus

Posted 08 January 2013 - 06:58 PM

My DH is capable of it. But lately it wouldn't be done. He's dropped the ball lately. I'm hoping he picks it up again soonish.

I have decided not to get stressed about it because I don't need the additional stress.

#13 FreeRangeMum

Posted 08 January 2013 - 07:00 PM

I'd' be p*ssed. DH would do this!! I'd fume and throw a tanty, he'd promise to do better next time, and then repeat!

#14 Silvergirl12

Posted 08 January 2013 - 07:00 PM

Not typical in this house. DH does the bath/bed routine and I cook dinner (I like to cook!). We both then clean up the kitchen after DD is in bed and have a general tidy up. He does the majority of the bedtime stories too.

#15 (feral)epg

Posted 08 January 2013 - 07:05 PM

How often does he get the chance to feed and put the kids to bed?  I would expect him to know how  - but  not if you're the 'primary caregiver' and seldom give him the opportunity.

#16 JRA

Posted 08 January 2013 - 07:07 PM

Typical - God Knows.

Appropriate - definitely not.

Hopeless - definitely

If we think this is "typical" of a male, maybe that is why males can think it is "typical" that women are happy to do all the work.

#17 kadoodle

Posted 08 January 2013 - 07:08 PM

DH is very inconsistant with this kind of thing.  Last time he did the evening shift with the kids, they had spag bol, then bath and bed by 7.30. Dishes done, kitchen and dining room cleaned and wine and cheese waiting.

The time before, I came home to the remains of tea on the table, the older kids watching cartoons, the baby eating catfood, the toddler naked and spreading cream from a piece of sponge cake everywhere, the kitchen a mess and DH playing DragonAge on the PC.

#18 axiomae

Posted 08 January 2013 - 07:09 PM

Not typical. DP is wonderful - knows it all inside out and often does it so I can go out when I need some time to myself with friends.

#19 Ridcully

Posted 08 January 2013 - 07:10 PM

QUOTE (kerrie23 @ 08/01/2013, 07:39 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
My husband knows the kids routine as well as I do.  He would have cooked a full dinner, bathed them and had them in bed, and then done the dishes.  

I love my husband, he is awesome, but it seems that he is not typical.

This is my husband too.

However even if he doesn't know your routine he surely would have some idea of what is needed to put the kids to bed - you mentioned you have three kids? So that's at least 3 years of living with the kids plenty of time to have some sort of an idea.

I'd probably be quite annoyed. The only exception would be if he spent the time playing with the kids, I love walking in and seeing them playing away even if the kitchen is a mess. As long as he helps clean it up afterwards wink.gif

#20 strawberrycakes

Posted 08 January 2013 - 07:11 PM

Not typical in my house.  My DH is probably better organised myself.

In the OPs situation my DH would have had DD fed (dinner would have been meat & vege), showered & in bed after a story.

#21 Taystee

Posted 08 January 2013 - 07:14 PM

Not typical here either- my DH probably wouldn't have tidied much but child would have been fed, bathed, and put to bed, and dinner at least started. Quite possibly the dishwasher may have been emptied/loaded.

OP, be cranky!

#22 Mumma3

Posted 08 January 2013 - 07:15 PM

Does he normally get home in time for the dinner/bath/bed routine? Is he familiar with it?
Was it just baked beans because that was all there was (I ask because you mention you had to do some shopping)?
Did he possibly also have an exhausting day at work?
Does this always happen, or is it just a one off?
Was it stinking hot where you are today, making kids extra hot and cranky, as well as adults more short tempered than usual?
Did you "tell" him to get all this done or did you "ask" him, ie did you actually have a conversation where you mentioned your day, and listen to him explain his.

#23 MrsLexiK

Posted 08 January 2013 - 07:18 PM

With today's weather and how it had been lately and the fact it is holidays I probably would have been feeding the kids beans on toast too. Whoops what a hopeless mother I would make. I'd also probably be on the coach with the kitchen a mess, hang on I am on the coach with the kitchen a mess (at least I cooked a quick devilled snags as steamed some veggies for dinner)

OP I don't think it makes your DH less wonderful or a bad dad because he hasn't put the kids to bed. I used to love mum going out as dad always let us stay up later. Also you say you were going food shopping, I know my DH wouldn't be able to rummage a meal together like I do with a bare pantry and make it taste nice because he isn't really a cook cook. Whereas I love it and even when all that is left is the tinned beans and the like from the camping stocks I can add flavours so they don't taste like they came out of a can. My DH would be lost -he'd probably give the kids a plate of sauce to go with them.

#24 busymumof1&1/2

Posted 08 January 2013 - 07:21 PM

It would have been typical in my house. My DH is at home for most of the night time routine, he just ignores me doing it. He also ignores the kids bed times when I am around, let alone if I was out.

#25 Tree Sage

Posted 08 January 2013 - 07:22 PM

was he woken all night with the crying baby too?
Hadnt he just spent all day at work?
Did he just come home from work just as exhausted as you and get greeted at the door with a list of demands?
If I were him I would be the one who was annoyed!

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