Jump to content

Typical DH or not?


  • Please log in to reply
109 replies to this topic

#1 charliebean

Posted 08 January 2013 - 06:37 PM

So the baby has kept you up all night, you've then worked from home with 3 kids under your feet all day and done a once over clean before DH gets home from work. On his arrival you head straight out to drop 1 kid back to their house and to do a quick food shop telling DH to organise dinner for themselves.

Get home and kids are still up, way past their bed time however they are fed (baked beans) but not bathed or even remotely ready for bed and over tired. Kitchen is a pig sty.

Can I expect him to know when and how to put his children to bed and clean the kitchen of his dinner mess without actually telling him? (It's the same routine every night)

Cranky or not? And what would you do?

Edited by charliebean, 08 January 2013 - 06:38 PM.


#2 CalEliKat

Posted 08 January 2013 - 06:39 PM

My husband knows the kids routine as well as I do.  He would have cooked a full dinner, bathed them and had them in bed, and then done the dishes.  

I love my husband, he is awesome, but it seems that he is not typical.

#3 WithSprinkles

Posted 08 January 2013 - 06:43 PM

I think it's reasonable. My DH bathes my DD every night at the same time, then will put her to bed after I have breastfed her so he is well aware of (and involved) in the bedtime routine. If I ever go out, he knows exactly what needs to be done re dinner, bath, expressed milk bottle & bed without me having to spell anything out..

ETA: just realised it might've sounded like I was saying your DH was reasonable .. I meant that I think it is reasonable that you should be able to expect him to do the routine without a running checklist!

Edited by VanillaIcecream, 08 January 2013 - 06:45 PM.


#4 bikingbubs

Posted 08 January 2013 - 06:44 PM

Mine knows DS's routine (DD dosent have one yet!) and he would have him fed/bathed/ in bed  with the kitchen clean & dishwasher packed original.gif

#5 ~nikki~

Posted 08 January 2013 - 06:44 PM

My husband would know when to put them to bed as he is a big part of the night routine however I'd have to give instructions for dinner or prepare something myself earlier :-)

#6 SplashingRainbows

Posted 08 January 2013 - 06:45 PM

When was the last time he did the dinner bed bath routine ?

I would expect my husband to know, but at the same time I would make sure he knew not just assumed.

For this reason he plays a role in dinner bed bath each night and has a solo turn at least once per month. In the early days he really wasn't as intuitive at things as I was - so while frustrating I couldn't really expect he would do things the same way as me when I did it all, all the time.

By 3 kids I'd bloody hope he could get it sorted.

#7 rainycat

Posted 08 January 2013 - 06:47 PM

Not typical at my house.
My dh is a fantastic dad and great around the house.
It's just the way he is.

#8 Feral Madam Mim

Posted 08 January 2013 - 06:47 PM

Yes, my DH is more than capable of looking after, feeding, and bedding all of his children.

OP I would have headed straight to bed and told DH he was the one who would be dealing with the children for that night.

#9 FEdeRAL

Posted 08 January 2013 - 06:55 PM

I would be cranky. But it really depends on what he had been doing. Was he on the computer or spending times with the kids? If the latter I'd be more inclined to let it go.  

Fwiw DH can cook and knows the full routine, great at cleaning and does the whole bath/bed routine every night with DS but I find that if I want him to stick to schedule I will have to nag him. And if there are any baked beans in the pantry he would serve them for dinner too..

#10 mandarins

Posted 08 January 2013 - 06:57 PM

DH knows how to do the evening routine but he does it his way (which is bit different from mine).
I dont mind that. My only complaint is he usually does everything later than I would which results in over tired kids.

There have been times though when due to work commitment DH gets out of date with current routines. I need to give him a catch up sometimes if he does something out of date and try not get angry with him for not knowing better.

#11 Space is Big

Posted 08 January 2013 - 06:58 PM

My DH is as capable of looking after the kids as much as I am.  He would have feed, bathed and had them in bed (probably early so that he had more kid free time), and have headed down to clean up the kitchen and would have tidied the lounge too.

My DH is an adult and knows it is up to him to get things done regardless of what he wants to do.

#12 Expelliarmus

Posted 08 January 2013 - 06:58 PM

My DH is capable of it. But lately it wouldn't be done. He's dropped the ball lately. I'm hoping he picks it up again soonish.

I have decided not to get stressed about it because I don't need the additional stress.



#13 FreeRangeMum

Posted 08 January 2013 - 07:00 PM

I'd' be p*ssed. DH would do this!! I'd fume and throw a tanty, he'd promise to do better next time, and then repeat!

#14 Silvergirl12

Posted 08 January 2013 - 07:00 PM

Not typical in this house. DH does the bath/bed routine and I cook dinner (I like to cook!). We both then clean up the kitchen after DD is in bed and have a general tidy up. He does the majority of the bedtime stories too.

#15 (feral)epg

Posted 08 January 2013 - 07:05 PM

How often does he get the chance to feed and put the kids to bed?  I would expect him to know how  - but  not if you're the 'primary caregiver' and seldom give him the opportunity.


#16 JRA

Posted 08 January 2013 - 07:07 PM

Typical - God Knows.

Appropriate - definitely not.

Hopeless - definitely


If we think this is "typical" of a male, maybe that is why males can think it is "typical" that women are happy to do all the work.

#17 kadoodle

Posted 08 January 2013 - 07:08 PM

DH is very inconsistant with this kind of thing.  Last time he did the evening shift with the kids, they had spag bol, then bath and bed by 7.30. Dishes done, kitchen and dining room cleaned and wine and cheese waiting.

The time before, I came home to the remains of tea on the table, the older kids watching cartoons, the baby eating catfood, the toddler naked and spreading cream from a piece of sponge cake everywhere, the kitchen a mess and DH playing DragonAge on the PC.

#18 axiomae

Posted 08 January 2013 - 07:09 PM

Not typical. DP is wonderful - knows it all inside out and often does it so I can go out when I need some time to myself with friends.

#19 Ridcully

Posted 08 January 2013 - 07:10 PM

QUOTE (kerrie23 @ 08/01/2013, 07:39 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
My husband knows the kids routine as well as I do.  He would have cooked a full dinner, bathed them and had them in bed, and then done the dishes.  

I love my husband, he is awesome, but it seems that he is not typical.


This is my husband too.

However even if he doesn't know your routine he surely would have some idea of what is needed to put the kids to bed - you mentioned you have three kids? So that's at least 3 years of living with the kids plenty of time to have some sort of an idea.

I'd probably be quite annoyed. The only exception would be if he spent the time playing with the kids, I love walking in and seeing them playing away even if the kitchen is a mess. As long as he helps clean it up afterwards wink.gif

#20 strawberrycakes

Posted 08 January 2013 - 07:11 PM

Not typical in my house.  My DH is probably better organised myself.

In the OPs situation my DH would have had DD fed (dinner would have been meat & vege), showered & in bed after a story.

#21 Taystee

Posted 08 January 2013 - 07:14 PM

Not typical here either- my DH probably wouldn't have tidied much but child would have been fed, bathed, and put to bed, and dinner at least started. Quite possibly the dishwasher may have been emptied/loaded.

OP, be cranky!

#22 Mumma3

Posted 08 January 2013 - 07:15 PM

Does he normally get home in time for the dinner/bath/bed routine? Is he familiar with it?
Was it just baked beans because that was all there was (I ask because you mention you had to do some shopping)?
Did he possibly also have an exhausting day at work?
Does this always happen, or is it just a one off?
Was it stinking hot where you are today, making kids extra hot and cranky, as well as adults more short tempered than usual?
Did you "tell" him to get all this done or did you "ask" him, ie did you actually have a conversation where you mentioned your day, and listen to him explain his.



#23 MrsLexiK

Posted 08 January 2013 - 07:18 PM

With today's weather and how it had been lately and the fact it is holidays I probably would have been feeding the kids beans on toast too. Whoops what a hopeless mother I would make. I'd also probably be on the coach with the kitchen a mess, hang on I am on the coach with the kitchen a mess (at least I cooked a quick devilled snags as steamed some veggies for dinner)

OP I don't think it makes your DH less wonderful or a bad dad because he hasn't put the kids to bed. I used to love mum going out as dad always let us stay up later. Also you say you were going food shopping, I know my DH wouldn't be able to rummage a meal together like I do with a bare pantry and make it taste nice because he isn't really a cook cook. Whereas I love it and even when all that is left is the tinned beans and the like from the camping stocks I can add flavours so they don't taste like they came out of a can. My DH would be lost -he'd probably give the kids a plate of sauce to go with them.

#24 busymumof1&1/2

Posted 08 January 2013 - 07:21 PM

It would have been typical in my house. My DH is at home for most of the night time routine, he just ignores me doing it. He also ignores the kids bed times when I am around, let alone if I was out.

#25 Tree Sage

Posted 08 January 2013 - 07:22 PM

was he woken all night with the crying baby too?
Hadnt he just spent all day at work?
Did he just come home from work just as exhausted as you and get greeted at the door with a list of demands?
If I were him I would be the one who was annoyed!




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Win a copy of 'Breakfast, School Run, Chemo'

To celebrate the launch of EB member and contributor Julia's Watson's first book, we have five copies of Breakfast, School Run, Chemo give away.

Electronic tags may keep newborns safe

The possibility of using electronic bracelets for mothers and their newborn babies is being investigated by Adelaide's Women's and Children's Hospital. 

Baby steps: when your little one starts walking

As a parent there are so many milestones to look forward to. That first smile, first word - and, of course, that first step.

Julia Watson's new book 'Breakfast, School Run, Chemo'

Tomorrow my friend Julia launches her first book. And while we're all overjoyed, the success is tinged with sadness. You see, Julia has stage 4 bowel cancer.

How not to name twins

Call me boring, but I don't think that when it comes to choosing my twins' names is the right time to use a good pun.

Fun Sunny Life pool inflatables just for babies

The babies of 2015 will thus be thrilled to paddle their happy baby legs in these brand new flamingo and swan baby inflatables.

Breastfeeding basics for beginners

Here are 10 tips to help make breastfeeding successful and stress free for both you and your baby as quickly as possible.

Girl smothers baby brother with peanut butter

This mum had a big clean up job on her hands.

How to hide those under eye shadows

Pandas are the only ones who benefit from under-eye shadows. If you're not fluffy and cute, you'll just look tired.

Young mum dies after being denied pap smear

A mother has died after she was denied a pap smear because she was deemed "too young" to need it.

Birthday cakes banned at childcare centre

A childcare centre in Sydney has banned birthday cakes after parent complaints about excessive sugar and children with allergies being left out.

Triplet surprise for newlyweds

As the radiographer moved the wand over her abdomen, Shelley King got the surprise of her life.

3 yummy Thermomix baby and toddler recipes

Louise Fulton Keats shares her recipes for babies and toddlers, including corn and sweet pikelets, pumpkin and pea risotto, and cheesy bunny biscuits.

Man arrested over toddler Nikki's death

A 31-year-old man has been arrested over the death of two-year-old Nikki Francis-Coslovich in Mildura.

Adoption ban on pregnant women to be lifted

Pregnant women will no longer be barred from adoption waiting lists in NSW, after the Baird Government decided the practice was discriminatory.

Are you getting enough magnesium?

Magnesium is the fourth most abundant mineral in the body, but we don't talk enough about it and the vital role it plays in great health and energy, as well as disease prevention.

5 workplace lessons for new parents

Take heart in these principles that will transfer seamlessly from the workplace into your new life as a parent.

Mums to follow on Instagram

A creative outlet for many, there are some savvy women complementing their blogs and businesses with riveting Instagrams feeds. We've chosen a few which have bucketloads of appeal; there are some big time players and some smaller local ones, and they each bring their special brand of magic to the Instagram experience.

Review: The Volvo 2015 XC90 SUV has all the safety features your family needs

The new Volvo XC90 SUV's focus on keeping you safe does not come at the expense of comfort in the XC90.

Kim Kardashian reveals she may have hysterectomy

Kim Kardashian has revealed complications during pregnancy means she might have to have a hysterectomy after the birth of her second child.

Why late night snacks wreak havoc on weight loss

 Loath as you may be to admit it, chances are that at some point you have found yourself in the kitchen late at night, devouring food.

Toddler twins pretend to be asleep to fool mum

They say twins have a unique connection. If this cute clip is anything to go by, these toddler sisters like to use their special bond to try to fool their mother.

Dad bags: 10 picks for out and about

Getting out of the house is a big priority in the early years of parenthood and you need to take a well-stocked kit with you. We've chosen 10 of the best nappy bags sure to appeal to dads in style and function.

Win a Mountain Buggy Swift

To celebrate Essential Baby reaching half a million Facebook fans, we have a Mountain Buggy Swift to giveaway to a lucky fan.

Get your FREE Baby & Toddler Show ticket!

Get your free ticket to the Sydney Essential Baby & Toddler Show for September 25-27 - register online now.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Dads who do their share have more sex: study

For women trying to encourage their partners to take more interest in fatherhood, it could be the ultimate incentive.

Think you might have IBS, coeliac disease or Crohn's?

Conditions affecting the gastrointestinal tract are common in modern humans, and many are on the rise - including irritable bowel syndrome (IBS), inflammatory bowel disease (IBD) and coeliac disease.

Couple poses for newborn shoot with adorable puppy

Tired of being asked about their baby-making plans, Australian couple Matt and Abby decided to give a creative answer.

The exercises you know you should be doing (but probably aren't)

I bet your to-do list today is long. But somewhere on that massive list, are you making time for your pelvic floor?

This baby really loves the family cat

Some babies get excited when mum or dad come to get them from their cot after a nap.

Designer kids clothing good enough to eat by Oeuf

Even if you aren't heading to the Northern hemisphere in the next six months, you can't help but love the amazing food-themed knits for babies and kids by cult kids brand Oeuf.

Early exposure to peanuts recommended for allergy prevention

A paediatricians' group is recommending that infants at high risk of peanut allergies be given foods containing peanuts before they turn one.

Home brand foods contain less salt than pricier rivals

Supermarket home brand foods, long derided as cheap and inferior, contain far lower levels of salt than pricier, branded rivals, new research shows.

Nannies for hire, wherever you're flying

Ever dreaded the prospect of a long flight, dreaming about how wonderful it would be for a nanny to entertain the kids?

Couple poses for newborn shoot with adorable puppy

Tired of being asked about their baby-making plans, Australian couple Matt and Abby decided to give a creative answer: with an unusual photo shoot with their 'baby', a groodle (poodle/golden retriever cross) named Humphrey. The talented Elisha from Elisha Minnette Photography caught all the precious shots.

Is it okay to name your baby with a sense of humour?

My husband was sure that Danger was a good option for a boy. And as the pregnancy progressed, it actually started to sound really good.

Woman gives birth after having her own mother's uterus transplanted

In a world first, a healthy baby has been born from the same womb that nurtured his own mother.

So hot right now: double-barrelled baby names on the rise

It's one way to make your baby stand out from the pack – giving them not one, but two first names.

Second time around: is it really better the devil you know?

When I fell pregnant with my second child I was, naturally, very excited. Then it all started to come back to me - and I freaked.

Shopping with kids: breaking the pester-power cycle

You're out shopping with your little one and they're incessantly whining that they want a treat. It's easy to say no ... the first time, at least.

How did we have babies before apps came along?

Three months ago, my wife, Chrysta, and I were driving along Melrose Avenue in Los Angeles when she let out a harrowing cry.

When your toddler disagrees

There comes a time when your child starts having different views to you. I didn't realise that time would come so soon.

Win a Pacapod this Father's Day

To celebrate dads and families, we are giving away a Picos Pack from Pacapod Australia filled with a few extra goodies ENTER NOW

 

FREE TICKET

Discover the magic of the LEGOŽ DUPLOŽ Play Area in Sydney

Get your free ticket to The Essential Baby & Toddler Show and save $20 - register online now!

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.