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Surnames WDYT *spin off*

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#1 HerringToMarmalade

Posted 08 January 2013 - 02:11 PM

Spin off from the baby name thread. Like in the thread, I also have a bit of a dodgy surname that is commonly mispronounced as a not so great word. Even as an adult I hate situations where my name is read out in front of other people. My mother kept her maiden name when she married my dad, and if you ask her why she will say she kept it because dad's surname is terrible, why would anyone want it, etc.,  and yet she was happy to give it to her children. I can't understand it, but I'm not sure what I would have done in her position.

So what do you think about surname choice? Would you always give your children their father's name no matter what or would you do something else if you felt it wasn't the right name for your children?

#2 cinnabubble

Posted 08 January 2013 - 02:15 PM

I've never heard an adequate reason for children to automatically get their father's names. Regardless of what the name is.

Edited by cinnabubble, 08 January 2013 - 02:17 PM.

#3 Apageintime

Posted 08 January 2013 - 02:19 PM

My friends DH's surname is Butt, they'll be going with her surname for any children.

DH and I have decided his name for boys, with my surname for a middle name (as its a fairly stock standard boys name) and my surname for a girl, with his surname for her middle name (as her surname is a stock standard girls name).

so no, I don't think you always have to use DHs surname.

#4 HRH Countrymel

Posted 08 January 2013 - 02:20 PM

A friend of mine married a man with a dodgy surname, (sounded very similar to an unfortunate word) he changed it to hers.  
The irony was that the surname was only one generation old as HIS mother had insisted they change it from the original one which had a pretty bloodthirsty meaning in their original language!

Dodgy surnames are character forming!  (says she with the most benign of all surnames!)

That being said I hope to give our children MY surname as DP's is his step dad's and  I can't see why my children need to carry on the name of a person I never really met and who's 'line' has already been passed on by his biological children and grandchildren.

#5 tickledpink72

Posted 08 January 2013 - 02:24 PM

It would never occur to me not to give my child his fathers surname.

#6 PixieVee

Posted 08 January 2013 - 02:24 PM

QUOTE (cinnabubble @ 08/01/2013, 03:15 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I've never heard an adequate reason for children to automatically get their father's names. Regardless of what the name is.


#7 cinnabubble

Posted 08 January 2013 - 02:26 PM

QUOTE (tickledpink72 @ 08/01/2013, 03:24 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
It would never occur to me not to give my child his fathers surname.


#8 mum201

Posted 08 January 2013 - 02:27 PM

I still don't understand why kids automatically get dad's surname. My son has my name at the insistence of DH who thought my name was 'more suitable'....,

In an instance where either parent had a surname like 'Hyman' (had a teacher with that name), I would definitely default to the other parent's surname.

#9 asdf89

Posted 08 January 2013 - 02:27 PM

I've told my partner (he thinks I'm joking but I'm deadly serious) that if we were to have a baby before being married it would have my surname.

I birth it - I get to name it Tounge1.gif.
Plus he has three brothers so his name will go on... but I'm one of three girls. And my last name is much nicer than his haha.

#10 kuhla

Posted 08 January 2013 - 02:28 PM

When I got married I did what I thought was right taking my then husbands name that I didn't really like.  

When we separated, I kept his last name because I have no contact with my family so I don't see myself as one of them.  17 years later I am still conscious of the name every time I say it.  I feel bad that that's my kids last name but there is nothing to do to change it.  That is who they are.

I, now have a new partner and am pregnant with him so my new baby will obviously have his last name - a nice, common and so what boring last name.  

On a side note, I never wanted a different surname to my children so before I fell pregnant said even if my DP and I got married I wouldn't change my name to his.   Everything changes now I am expecting again.

#11 cinnabubble

Posted 08 January 2013 - 02:31 PM

I, now have a new partner and am pregnant with him so my new baby will obviously have his last name - a nice, common and so what boring last name.

Why "obviously"?

#12 HRH Countrymel

Posted 08 January 2013 - 02:33 PM

QUOTE (cinnabubble @ 08/01/2013, 03:31 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Why "obviously"?

I would assume because why would she and her partner give their child the surname of her ex husband?

#13 Peanut

Posted 08 January 2013 - 02:34 PM

I grew up with a long, Germanic and apparently difficult surname for Australian's to pronounce (when sounded out its actually very easy), so I was quite happy to marry a man with a nice short and easy surname and to pass it on to my kids!  

From a geneaological point of view, I hate it when people mess around with surnames.  It makes it very hard to locate people to add to the family tree!   original.gif

#14 kuhla

Posted 08 January 2013 - 02:34 PM

QUOTE (cinnabubble @ 08/01/2013, 02:31 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Why "obviously"?

Because my last name isn't my last name.  It's my ex's.  The baby is not my ex's so I won't give it his last name.

#15 cinnabubble

Posted 08 January 2013 - 02:40 PM

QUOTE (kuhla @ 08/01/2013, 03:34 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Because my last name isn't my last name.  It's my ex's.  The baby is not my ex's so I won't give it his last name.

Of course. That was stupid of me. Although it is an excellent reason for women to keep their names and bestow them on their children.

#16 DontKnow2015

Posted 08 January 2013 - 02:43 PM

I like the tradition of having the last name of my husband as a result our children have his last name...

It is a personal choice and I do not think it is a symbol that I am in any way my husband's property I just like doing things the way they have traditionally been done.

Why would Khula give her ex husband's last name to her child with her new man?  I can't see too many people agreeing to that...

Edited to add that we posted at the same time Cinnabubble so I now see your new post..

Edited by Mumof1B2G, 08 January 2013 - 02:45 PM.

#17 TheGreenSheep

Posted 08 January 2013 - 02:45 PM

*If* my DHs surname made me that uncomfortable that I wouldnt take it, then no I certainly wouldnt bridle my children with it.

As it is I have married a bland boring, no nickname married name. So boring in fact, none of DHs rellies seem to attract a nickname. Whereas my Scottish maiden name which is reasonably bland, uncommon, and has attracted has a gross nickname that Ive had since school and still am referred to by that name.

Thinking back its also a generational thing. My Mums maiden name nickname is a norty word in this generation. Back when she was a wee girl it wasnt even referred too, it wasnt in common usage. Now shes a grandmother several times over, its a pretty funny nickname  happy.gif

#18 Jane Jetson

Posted 08 January 2013 - 02:45 PM

I had a similar birth surname to you OP - which is mostly why I changed my name when I married DH. If I'd had a nice surname instead of one I hated, I'd have kept it, and lobbied to give it to the kids.

I always rather liked the idea of giving the mother's surname to girl children and the father's to boys.

#19 ~~K~~

Posted 08 January 2013 - 02:46 PM

I gave my child his father's surname because we used mine as his given name.  I wasn't going to call him William Williams.

#20 Propaganda

Posted 08 January 2013 - 02:48 PM

I gave my child her father's surname to spare arguments. Her name would look prettier with mine, but mine is more difficult to pronounce, and everyone spells it wrong (they even spelt it incorrectly on my license).

#21 HerringToMarmalade

Posted 08 January 2013 - 02:49 PM

QUOTE (Peanut @ 08/01/2013, 03:34 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
From a geneaological point of view, I hate it when people mess around with surnames.  It makes it very hard to locate people to add to the family tree!   original.gif

We've had a lot of this in our family tree - our surname was originally a nice, simple name before it was misspelled by immigration officials in Australia, and then had worse and worse spelling until where we've ended up now. The spelling has only been steady for the last 3 or 4 generations. But I connect to my dad's family much more than my mum's, and his family history is so much more interesting, so I am proud to carry his name, I just wish it was a bit nicer. Maybe I'll change it back to the original spelling  tongue.gif

#22 tickledpink72

Posted 08 January 2013 - 02:58 PM

QUOTE (cinnabubble @ 08/01/2013, 02:26 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Why wouldn't I?  My husbands surname is my surname too.  I wouldn't dream of giving my child a different surname.

#23 Klinkalink

Posted 08 January 2013 - 03:00 PM

QUOTE (cinnabubble @ 08/01/2013, 02:45 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I've never heard an adequate reason for children to automatically get their father's names. Regardless of what the name is.

Now that women and children aren't considered part of a man's 'property', there isn't one.

DP and I aren't married (have been together for a very long time but never bothered with the ceremonial side of things), and even if we were I wouldn't have changed my name.

I was pregnant with our sons, I birthed them and I took the majority of the professional and financial hit while being away from the workforce when I had them (including suparannuation). There was no way in the world that my children were going to have a different name to me, so they have my surname.

#24 akkiandmalli

Posted 08 January 2013 - 03:07 PM

DH has a 15 letter sri Lanka surname.. hard to pronounce
I had a 6 letter Maltese surname also hard to pronounce..
to have all the same names we went with his still have to spelll it every time but what to do???
as a teacher kids call me ms w.. easy as original.gif

#25 ComradeBob

Posted 08 January 2013 - 03:26 PM

We gave DD DHs name because I'm not so very fond of my own that I felt like passing it on. Also, there is a reasonably well known singer songwriter with DDs first name and a surname very similar to mine, so I wanted to avoid that combo. And on top of that, I wanted DD to have a connection with DHs family, who are all overseas.

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