Jump to content

Why is it weird for a woman to do stuff alone


  • Please log in to reply
86 replies to this topic

#1 Guest_AllegraM_*

Posted 08 January 2013 - 01:03 PM

The 'Do you go to the movies alone' thread got me thinking.

Why do some people see it as odd if a woman does something alone? I am the first to put my hand up as an introvert but even so, I find it strange.

As a single woman, I camped alone, drove all over Australia alone, lived alone, walked alone at night, ate at restaurants alone and went to the movies alone. I loved it. Now that I am married, I do most of these things with DH, but even so, still do a fair bit alone.

When I was single, I would get a lot of concern from well-meaning people about my 'strange' habits. And there was always the underlying view that it was a bit pathetic and sad. People still get weirded out now if I stay at a hotel by myself at night for a mini-break. Apparently if you are part of a couple, it is Just. Not.
The. Done. Thing.

In fact I know a woman in her mid-thirties who has never spent a night alone. Ever. Not in a hotel, not in her own home. If her partner is away, she makes arrangments for friends or family to come and stay. I find this situation beyond bizzare but no-one else seems to really think so.

So I am reading too much into this? I often wonder if deep down, people think 'little girls' should be sensible and stay at home until a man rescues them and shows them the world from the safety of his care.

#2 Expelliarmus

Posted 08 January 2013 - 01:05 PM

QUOTE (AllegraM @ 08/01/2013, 02:03 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I often wonder if deep down, people think 'little girls' should be sensible and stay at home until a man rescues them and shows them the world from the safety of his care.

There it is.

Plus the stereotypical crap of how women have to go to the bathroom together etc etc. It's like a cultural 'thing', I think.

#3 Mitis angelam

Posted 08 January 2013 - 01:07 PM

I think it depends what you're doing.  If it's something that's usually a social thing - like going out to dinner - doing it alone can seem a bit strange.  If it's just going-about-your-life stuff, I wouldn't register it as odd at all.  If it's seen as a "high-risk" thing to do - like using public transport late at night - it can seem a concern just from a personal safety point of view.

I'd also think it odd if someone couldn't do things on her own, or spend the night on her own, or whatever.  That bespeaks a certain dependence to me.

#4 Nanaimo Girl

Posted 08 January 2013 - 01:09 PM

It's completely effed up.

I constantly get told from one "well meaning" family member that DD and I won't be a "real" family until I find a man and get married.

#5 #YKG

Posted 08 January 2013 - 01:09 PM

TBH I find it weird if you are never alone.

I live alone, go shopping on my own, movies, travel because sometimes I want to be on my own. I honestly think if you can't be or aren't ever alone there are bigger issues.

Just because your on your own doesn't mean your lonely. I have been in a crowd of people who I know and have felt more lonely and isolated then watch a movie at home alone.

Each to their own I guess

#6 Nanaimo Girl

Posted 08 January 2013 - 01:11 PM

QUOTE (Nanaimo Girl @ 08/01/2013, 01:09 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
It's completely effed up.


Just realised that looks wrong lol. I mean it's effed up that people would view doing stuff alone as weird.



#7 ~shannon~

Posted 08 January 2013 - 01:14 PM

I believe that if you can't enjoy your own company, then that's a problem you should face.

I've been to the movies on my own, lived on my own and loved it, and absolutely relish in my alone time now that I have kids and a husband. Nothing strange about that at all!

#8 HRH Countrymel

Posted 08 January 2013 - 01:20 PM

QUOTE (~shannon~ @ 08/01/2013, 02:14 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I believe that if you can't enjoy your own company, then that's a problem you should face.


Indeed!

My Aunt can't cope at all if she is alone in the house at night -  I honestly don't think she has ever done it, not once!  

Unfortunately she is in her early 70s and her husband is - well - 'not very healthy'.

I honestly don't know what she will do when he goes.




#9 .Jerry.

Posted 08 January 2013 - 01:24 PM

In line with the other thread about women, I do think that society generally raises girls to be sweet and pretty  and delicate.  Girls are to be protected and adored and rarely get to experience being on their own when young.  Perhaps this contributes to some women feeling that they cannot make it on their own.

#10 Guest_AllegraM_*

Posted 08 January 2013 - 01:30 PM

QUOTE (Madame Catty @ 08/01/2013, 01:11 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I think most people would find it strange to stay in a hotel by yourself if you have a partner; whether you're male or female (unless it's a work trip or something).


A blissful night of peace, room service and reading while DH and DS hang out at home versus having DH (and most likely DS) along, with the loud foxtel, stinky toilet, snoring and bed-hogging.... It's a no-brainer!

#11 heffalumpsnwoozles

Posted 08 January 2013 - 01:32 PM

I'm perfectly happy to do things alone. The only time I felt a bit weird was when I'd gone to NZ with DH for a week and he'd gone home while I stayed on for a conference. The conference didn't start until the next day so I had one day all to myself, which was fine - I went on a bus tour. But that night I had dinner in a restaurant all by myself, and that felt a bit weird and sad. What are you supposed to do while you're waiting for your meal? I read a book but it felt somehow wrong, I was always raised not to read at the table. Tounge1.gif

#12 Leggy

Posted 08 January 2013 - 01:36 PM

I backpacked around the Middle East alone and people were horrified. The thing is, I was doing all the things a couple would do O/S to be safe, or a single person at home, like stay away from the borders with war-torn countries, don't wander down back alleys by yourself, and have a back-up plan if something starts to feel weird or threatening (like go to a hotel lobby or some other busy public place, strike up a convo with a local woman, ask a cop for directions).

I think it often is an idea that women need looking after and that we shouldn't put ourselves at any kind of risk. I feel that it's my life and if I want to take a risk I should be able to without having to endlessly justify myself; also that many "risks" are nothing like as bad as they are perceived to be.

As to the safety angle...well, there's common prudence, which is fine, but there's also this attitude that if you went into an area that is remotely risky and something happens to you, then it's your fault and you deserve no sympathy. Like when Jill Meagher died I heard people saying, "That poor woman...but why on earth was she walking alone at night? That's so silly (or less pleasant words!)" It would never have been put that way if a man had died. Why exactly are women supposed to give up their rights to move freely around their own community just in case someone breaches that right?

#13 bambiigrrl

Posted 08 January 2013 - 01:37 PM

your not the only one! I love doing things on my own, it rarely happens now i have 2 toddlers and a husband, and i do miss it. I used to love going to the movies, shopping, lunch at cafes etc on my own, i enjoyed it immensly! I know people also who would never dream of going somewhere alone! I remember skipping school when i was 16 once, i just went into the city, had lunch at a cafe, went to the art gallery and shopped all day, all by myself. i had a lovely day! I personally think its a sign of insecurity if your not comfortable going out by yourself. i love my own company!!

#14 .Jerry.

Posted 08 January 2013 - 01:39 PM

QUOTE
I think most people would find it strange to stay in a hotel by yourself if you have a partner; whether you're male or female (unless it's a work trip or something).
- Why is it strange?

I love having a night in a hotel by myself.  Bed to myself, do as I please, stay up late.

Mind you, I can do all of those things at home too, I just really love hotel rooms! laughing2.gif

#15 teaspoon

Posted 08 January 2013 - 01:48 PM

QUOTE
Why exactly are women supposed to give up their rights to move freely around their own community just in case someone breaches that right?


Couldn't agree more, Leggy. I often ponder why I don't "feel" I have the same comfortable access to the city as men.

My rational mind tells me I do have access, but I would absolutely baulk at going into a pub by myself for instance. If I'm meeting a girlfriend, I'll sit in the car til I know she's also arrived :-)

Having said that, for many years I travelled solo overseas (mainly for business) so I know needs must and it can be done, but still I feel a sense of unease.

Just to add, I've been a sole parent for 5+ years so spending time by myself at home and getting on with things is the norm! but I think the difference is spending time alone in public.

#16 Squeekums Da Feral

Posted 08 January 2013 - 01:49 PM

Time alone is bliss!
I used to love my night walks and miss them so much now. Was called weird, crazy everytime and got comments of how I shouldnt be out alone after dark.
I used to reply back 'well if im  crazy that I walk alone, I should be safe, no one wants to kidnap a crazy chick right'
usually shut people up

Whats weird is not being able to be alone ever.

#17 Maple Leaf

Posted 08 January 2013 - 02:01 PM

QUOTE
In fact I know a woman in her mid-thirties who has never spent a night alone. Ever. Not in a hotel, not in her own home.


I find that pathetic actually. What is she scared of?

DH works away a lot and I enjoy the peace and quiet! I've spent a few years alone when single and in my 20's.. also weeks on my own when DH is gone with work. I think people would look at me strangely if I couldn't manage to run a household or sleep in a house by myself.

What will she do if something happens to her husband one day? will she just move in with friends until she finds a new man?

So so weird.

Women are their own worst enemy sometimes. They wonder why we aren't taken seriously when a grown woman can't even spend one night on her own!?!

Edited by Maple Leaf, 08 January 2013 - 02:02 PM.


#18 Ally'smum

Posted 08 January 2013 - 02:08 PM

On the very rare occasions I am alone I love it!

I used to hate travelling for work but who wouldn't enjoy having a room to themselves??

I have always felt unsafe when out at night, so having a boyfriend/husband was always appreciated and I have never known how to have dinner by myself in a restaurant so I have always just had room service.

#19 Guest_AllegraM_*

Posted 08 January 2013 - 02:09 PM

QUOTE (Maple Leaf @ 08/01/2013, 02:01 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I find that pathetic actually. What is she scared of?

DH works away a lot and I enjoy the peace and quiet! I've spent a few years alone when single and in my 20's.. also weeks on my own when DH is gone with work. I think people would look at me strangely if I couldn't manage to run a household or sleep in a house by myself.

What will she do if something happens to her husband one day? will she just move in with friends until she finds a new man?

So so weird.

Women are their own worst enemy sometimes. They wonder why we aren't taken seriously when a grown woman can't even spend one night on her own!?!


I have known her since our teens. She will do what she has always done- move in with a new man asap. He won't necessarily be the right man or a good man but to her, the fear of being alone is so horrific that any man will do. I think she has always found me threatening, as my ability to be happy while single and alone messes with her belief that there is nothing more awful than being alone.

#20 Feral_Pooks

Posted 08 January 2013 - 02:11 PM

QUOTE (howdo @ 08/01/2013, 02:05 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
There it is.

Plus the stereotypical crap of how women have to go to the bathroom together etc etc. It's like a cultural 'thing', I think.


Can we keep that one, though? I love the secret women's business behind that dunny door.

#21 Apageintime

Posted 08 January 2013 - 02:26 PM

I travel with work a bit and LOVE having hotel rooms to myself so much I've done it a couple of times in a non work related way.

I used to find it awkward eating at a restaurant alone, but now I know to find one where I can sit near a window and people watch.

I also love shopping alone, I can wander is as many stores as I want, backtrack, talk for ages with a shop assistant and try on things I know will look awful 'just to see'.

#22 QueenIanthe

Posted 08 January 2013 - 02:29 PM

I love being alone. More than happy to go somewhere (anywhere) by myself.

#23 Isolabella

Posted 08 January 2013 - 02:37 PM

QUOTE (.Jerry. @ 08/01/2013, 02:24 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
In line with the other thread about women, I do think that society generally raises girls to be sweet and pretty  and delicate.  Girls are to be protected and adored and rarely get to experience being on their own when young.  Perhaps this contributes to some women feeling that they cannot make it on their own.


Whereas at 18 my folks happily took my sister overseas and left me home alone which I thought was great.

I happily lived by myself for years before marrying DH. I will take myself out to lunch, coffee, dinner by myself. I did Paris by myself. But then again I was the 4yo who declared I was going tobe a pilot although in the 70's females were air hostesses not pilots. So I never bought into the gender thing. I am also a happy SAHM now, having travelled and had my career.



#24 strawberrycakes

Posted 08 January 2013 - 02:38 PM

I love being on my own.

I have a friend who can't handle being alone. If her DH goes away for even one night for work she is a complete mess & gets all frightened etc; that I think is worrisome.



#25 Isolabella

Posted 08 January 2013 - 02:39 PM

Dp

Edited by lsolaBella, 08 January 2013 - 02:40 PM.





1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Funny Father's Day cards

A little fun never goes astray when celebrating special occasions and Father's Day is no different. We've rounded up some funny Father's day cards for your husbands, fathers and other important men in your lives.

Electronic tags may keep newborns safe

The possibility of using electronic bracelets for mothers and their newborn babies is being investigated by Adelaide's Women's and Children's Hospital. 

Baby steps: when your little one starts walking

As a parent there are so many milestones to look forward to. That first smile, first word - and, of course, that first step.

Julia Watson's new book 'Breakfast, School Run, Chemo'

Tomorrow my friend Julia launches her first book. And while we're all overjoyed, the success is tinged with sadness. You see, Julia has stage 4 bowel cancer.

How not to name twins

Call me boring, but I don't think that when it comes to choosing my twins' names is the right time to use a good pun.

Fun Sunny Life pool inflatables just for babies

The babies of 2015 will thus be thrilled to paddle their happy baby legs in these brand new flamingo and swan baby inflatables.

Baby and bulldog born on the same day are best friends

When Chicago mum Ivette Ivens saw a French bulldog puppy who had the same birthdate as her son Dilan, she "just knew it?s meant to be" and took him home. Five months later, puppy Farley and Dilan are the best of friends - as Ivens says, "I?m pretty sure Dilan thinks they?re both the same species, as they walk at the same level and are both going through the stage of chewing on everything.?

Breastfeeding basics for beginners

Here are 10 tips to help make breastfeeding successful and stress free for both you and your baby as quickly as possible.

Girl smothers baby brother with peanut butter

This mum had a big clean up job on her hands.

How to hide those under eye shadows

Pandas are the only ones who benefit from under-eye shadows. If you're not fluffy and cute, you'll just look tired.

Young mum dies after being denied pap smear

A mother has died after she was denied a pap smear because she was deemed "too young" to need it.

Birthday cakes banned at childcare centre

A childcare centre in Sydney has banned birthday cakes after parent complaints about excessive sugar and children with allergies being left out.

Triplet surprise for newlyweds

As the radiographer moved the wand over her abdomen, Shelley King got the surprise of her life.

3 yummy Thermomix baby and toddler recipes

Louise Fulton Keats shares her recipes for babies and toddlers, including corn and sweet pikelets, pumpkin and pea risotto, and cheesy bunny biscuits.

Man arrested over toddler Nikki's death

A 31-year-old man has been arrested over the death of two-year-old Nikki Francis-Coslovich in Mildura.

Adoption ban on pregnant women to be lifted

Pregnant women will no longer be barred from adoption waiting lists in NSW, after the Baird Government decided the practice was discriminatory.

Are you getting enough magnesium?

Magnesium is the fourth most abundant mineral in the body, but we don't talk enough about it and the vital role it plays in great health and energy, as well as disease prevention.

5 workplace lessons for new parents

Take heart in these principles that will transfer seamlessly from the workplace into your new life as a parent.

Mums to follow on Instagram

A creative outlet for many, there are some savvy women complementing their blogs and businesses with riveting Instagrams feeds. We've chosen a few which have bucketloads of appeal; there are some big time players and some smaller local ones, and they each bring their special brand of magic to the Instagram experience.

Review: The Volvo 2015 XC90 SUV has all the safety features your family needs

The new Volvo XC90 SUV's focus on keeping you safe does not come at the expense of comfort in the XC90.

Kim Kardashian reveals she may have hysterectomy

Kim Kardashian has revealed complications during pregnancy means she might have to have a hysterectomy after the birth of her second child.

Why late night snacks wreak havoc on weight loss

 Loath as you may be to admit it, chances are that at some point you have found yourself in the kitchen late at night, devouring food.

Toddler twins pretend to be asleep to fool mum

They say twins have a unique connection. If this cute clip is anything to go by, these toddler sisters like to use their special bond to try to fool their mother.

Dad bags: 10 picks for out and about

Getting out of the house is a big priority in the early years of parenthood and you need to take a well-stocked kit with you. We've chosen 10 of the best nappy bags sure to appeal to dads in style and function.

Win a Mountain Buggy Swift

To celebrate Essential Baby reaching half a million Facebook fans, we have a Mountain Buggy Swift to giveaway to a lucky fan.

Get your FREE Baby & Toddler Show ticket!

Get your free ticket to the Sydney Essential Baby & Toddler Show for September 25-27 - register online now.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Dads who do their share have more sex: study

For women trying to encourage their partners to take more interest in fatherhood, it could be the ultimate incentive.

Think you might have IBS, coeliac disease or Crohn's?

Conditions affecting the gastrointestinal tract are common in modern humans, and many are on the rise - including irritable bowel syndrome (IBS), inflammatory bowel disease (IBD) and coeliac disease.

Couple poses for newborn shoot with adorable puppy

Tired of being asked about their baby-making plans, Australian couple Matt and Abby decided to give a creative answer.

The exercises you know you should be doing (but probably aren't)

I bet your to-do list today is long. But somewhere on that massive list, are you making time for your pelvic floor?

This baby really loves the family cat

Some babies get excited when mum or dad come to get them from their cot after a nap.

Designer kids clothing good enough to eat by Oeuf

Even if you aren't heading to the Northern hemisphere in the next six months, you can't help but love the amazing food-themed knits for babies and kids by cult kids brand Oeuf.

Early exposure to peanuts recommended for allergy prevention

A paediatricians' group is recommending that infants at high risk of peanut allergies be given foods containing peanuts before they turn one.

Home brand foods contain less salt than pricier rivals

Supermarket home brand foods, long derided as cheap and inferior, contain far lower levels of salt than pricier, branded rivals, new research shows.

Nannies for hire, wherever you're flying

Ever dreaded the prospect of a long flight, dreaming about how wonderful it would be for a nanny to entertain the kids?

Couple poses for newborn shoot with adorable puppy

Tired of being asked about their baby-making plans, Australian couple Matt and Abby decided to give a creative answer: with an unusual photo shoot with their 'baby', a groodle (poodle/golden retriever cross) named Humphrey. The talented Elisha from Elisha Minnette Photography caught all the precious shots.

Is it okay to name your baby with a sense of humour?

My husband was sure that Danger was a good option for a boy. And as the pregnancy progressed, it actually started to sound really good.

Woman gives birth after having her own mother's uterus transplanted

In a world first, a healthy baby has been born from the same womb that nurtured his own mother.

So hot right now: double-barrelled baby names on the rise

It's one way to make your baby stand out from the pack – giving them not one, but two first names.

Second time around: is it really better the devil you know?

When I fell pregnant with my second child I was, naturally, very excited. Then it all started to come back to me - and I freaked.

Shopping with kids: breaking the pester-power cycle

You're out shopping with your little one and they're incessantly whining that they want a treat. It's easy to say no ... the first time, at least.

How did we have babies before apps came along?

Three months ago, my wife, Chrysta, and I were driving along Melrose Avenue in Los Angeles when she let out a harrowing cry.

When your toddler disagrees

There comes a time when your child starts having different views to you. I didn't realise that time would come so soon.

Win a Pacapod this Father's Day

To celebrate dads and families, we are giving away a Picos Pack from Pacapod Australia filled with a few extra goodies ENTER NOW

 

FREE TICKET

Discover the magic of the LEGOŽ DUPLOŽ Play Area in Sydney

Get your free ticket to The Essential Baby & Toddler Show and save $20 - register online now!

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.