Jump to content

discipline of 15 month old - is it too young?


  • Please log in to reply
17 replies to this topic

#1 Elfie34

Posted 08 January 2013 - 10:04 AM

Hi all,

My 15 month old is becoming a rather cheeky and naughty little boy, he likes to hit us and kick us especially during nappy changes. He also likes to throw food and spit it out at us and then he laughs. I am inclined to just say NO sternly when he is being a little bugger but DH thinks we need to discipline him better. I dont really think we can at this age though, considering he doesnt really understand everything we say. Does anyone have any suggestions to combat tiresome behaviour?

thanks!

#2 Lucrezia Borgia

Posted 08 January 2013 - 10:14 AM

I think it is a bit young......saying no sternly I think is good, re-direction if he is throwing a toy or hitting, with throwing food...hmm...that's a tough one! I'm inclined to say most babies do that! If it happened a lot during a feed I take it to mean he's not hungry...or has had his fill, so I take him out of the high chair and then clean it up. Again. All day seemingly. Sigh.

Good luck!

#3 Mummy Em

Posted 08 January 2013 - 10:15 AM

At that age for hitting I usually remove myself. If I am holding them then I put them down and move away, just for a minute or even 30 seconds is enough. With the throwing food you could take his food away for 30 secs or take him out of the high chair and pop him on the ground.

#4 Bart.

Posted 08 January 2013 - 10:16 AM

I put my DS2 into the 'thinking spot' for the first time at 15-months old.  I had to keep putting him back and I kept it up until he'd sat with his bottom on the floor for a minute.  I put him in the corner of the living area so he can still see us but not get to us.

The second time, he continued to get up so I did the same as the first time.

The third time, he sat there for the full minute and continues to do so now.  He's 17-months old today and has been in the 'thinking spot' about six times.  

He understands perfectly well that his behaviour wasn't right when I put him there and generally it does curb it so I think it does work for him.  I also use it so his big brother (3y9m) can see that I'm treating them the same and disciplining when DS2 does get too rough or destructive.

I guess all you can do is try!

#5 Elfie34

Posted 08 January 2013 - 10:17 AM

yeh that is what I am doing. I guess I am just worried I am not doing 'enough', but i guess he is young and the gentle approach is probably best at this age

#6 Elfie34

Posted 08 January 2013 - 10:19 AM

Good idea. Does he cry and carry on when you do it?





QUOTE (Bartholomew @ 08/01/2013, 11:16 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I put my DS2 into the 'thinking spot' for the first time at 15-months old. I had to keep putting him back and I kept it up until he'd sat with his bottom on the floor for a minute. I put him in the corner of the living area so he can still see us but not get to us.

The second time, he continued to get up so I did the same as the first time.

The third time, he sat there for the full minute and continues to do so now. He's 17-months old today and has been in the 'thinking spot' about six times.

He understands perfectly well that his behaviour wasn't right when I put him there and generally it does curb it so I think it does work for him. I also use it so his big brother (3y9m) can see that I'm treating them the same and disciplining when DS2 does get too rough or destructive.

I guess all you can do is try!


#7 Ally'smum

Posted 08 January 2013 - 10:20 AM

My DD is 19 months and I say no a lot and distract her to stop the behaviour.

I have tried to distract/time out but she is too young. She was spitting and I told her she had to sit on the seat for a minute and then say sorry, but she spent that time spitting so it didn't work.

Distracting to stop the behaviour or physically moving them to stop it is the only thing that works for us right now, but I would definitely be telling them it is not allowed. Throwing food annoys me the most but she has pretty much stopped doing it for now. It is all new and fun and learning so I can imagine he enjoys it, especially if he gets a reaction.

#8 FeralLIfeHacker

Posted 08 January 2013 - 10:27 AM

Ds is 14 months (nearly 15) and I wouldn't even consider 'discipline' yet.  He isn't doing anything to be deliberately naughty, he also hits and kicks out during nappy changes but it's not in a nasty way, he's learning what happens when he does these things.  I don't make a big fuss or give a big "No" because that is giving a reaction that is sure to make him do it again.
I just continue on quickly, distract and move on.

#9 Elfie34

Posted 08 January 2013 - 10:48 AM

I should probably add that he does appear to know he is doing something wrong because he laughs at us, especially with the kicking , it is a full body kick he really tried to get us. I usually ignore it or distract him or if it is really bad like him slapping my face hard I say NO.

I think DH reacts more to DS bad behaviour than I do, and is more worried about it than me. Perhaps I need to gently suggest he ignores it.

#10 50ftqueenie

Posted 08 January 2013 - 01:49 PM

My DS is the same age and was hitting us quite a lot. I found a firm "no" just invited more hits because he thought it was a game. We've just ignored and distracted and he is already heaps better.  Now to apply the same tactic to the dangerous throwing he likes to do.  Ahh toddlers, always one move ahead of us!

#11 Natttmumm

Posted 08 January 2013 - 01:54 PM

I think at that age we just let the consequences follow. E.g. If food was thrown a few times after we said no we ended the meal, if they hit us we said no and if it kept happening we put them down on the floor. That kind of thing.
Time out was useless until over 2 for us and even then it wasn't great.
The other method that worked at this age was distraction and changing the environment. So if he was hitting we would get up and say let's go outside or let's play in your room etc and try not to make a fuss.



#12 Mummy Em

Posted 08 January 2013 - 01:55 PM

QUOTE (ran27 @ 08/01/2013, 08:48 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I should probably add that he does appear to know he is doing something wrong because he laughs at us, especially with the kicking , it is a full body kick he really tried to get us. I usually ignore it or distract him or if it is really bad like him slapping my face hard I say NO.


I don't think that means he knows he is doing the wrong thing. I think that indicates he thinks it's a game, where he acts and you react. Cause and effect - toddlers love it! Ignoring it will make it no longer a game.

#13 niggles

Posted 08 January 2013 - 02:01 PM

It's not just that a gentle approach is best at this age but that plenty of other approaches can make matters even worse. Personally I think characterising that behaviour as naughty is even taking it a step too far. It's just a baby exploring the world of cause and effect and realising that he can affect people as well as things.

With that in mind I'd skip the stern "No". If it's anything like a big reaction I'd skip it. Any reaction is a good reaction to a baby. I tend to ignore anything I can (being ignored is often boring to a baby) and clear up or distract or remove baby from anything I can't ignore. Unsafe things I give a calm but firm "Uhuh" and head shake to followed quickly by distraction or removal to another activity. Throwing food is any easy one. That just means the meal is over so pack it away and ignore it. Nappy changes are notoriously difficult at this age. It's not naughtiness, he's bored and busy and being made to lie still unfairly in his view. Just get it over with quickly and with as little fuss as possible.

The other alternative to "No" is to start telling him what you want him to do, rather than to stop doing something. He's too young to know that the opposite to stand is sit, and the opposite to throw is put down and the opposite to rough is gentle. So I say things like "Sitting in the bath" and "Gentle hands with the cat" and "We've had enough to eat now have we?" and "No more thanks mummy". It's an investment in the future to start modelling the language you eventually expect them to use in that scenario.

#14 Cranky Kitten

Posted 11 January 2013 - 09:59 AM

Niggles is absolutely right. My 14 month old does very similar things, he's simply exploring his world and what happens when he does x y or z. At this age the most effective "discipline" is to ignore, distract, redirect and teach them what you *want* them to do rather than what you don't want them to do.

Hitting gets a response of calmly saying "hitting hurts mummy - be gentle" while showing him how to gently stroke. Nappy changes are as boring as bat-poo to a kid who wants to be off investigating under his own steam, so I keep a little basket of fiddly toys next to the change table to distract him with while asking him to "lay still while we change your nappy".

It's important to remember that it's not his being deliberately naughty. He's far too young for that.

#15 Guest_divineM_*

Posted 11 January 2013 - 10:06 AM

DD was a prolific food bowl thrower at that age (we even had to wash the walls one time). nothing worked to stop it (we used to move her away from the table, give her a look and calmly clean it up)- she has recenly just stopped on her own around 21 months. we keep working on the hitting etc. I really don't think they ar being mean at this age, they just don't understand that it hurts. we are starting to see some understanding now as she repeats "we don't hit others, it hurts".

#16 dustybookshelves

Posted 11 January 2013 - 10:09 AM

Isolation to the cot (only for 15 seconds - timed on the microwave) worked really well at that age for our daughter. She understood that she had to stay in there and wait for the 'beep' (microwave timer). She definitely understood the point of the cot time and it helped us to encourage her to improve her behaviour. We would warn her: 'if you do that again, you'll go in your cot,' and then she would either stop the bad behaviour or else keep going with a deliberately naughty look on her face, quite clearly doing it on purpose.

In my opinion, it's easier to start consistent discipline methods earlier rather than to have to bring them in later once bad habits are already established.

#17 Mummy Em

Posted 11 January 2013 - 10:16 AM

Time out is usually not recomended for children under 2.

#18 beabea

Posted 13 January 2013 - 02:31 AM

A lot of sources recommend time out for children from 10 or 12 mo (I am thinking of one parenting book written by a dev paed). So opinions vary a lot.

I think you do need to address behaviour at the outset rather than letting it establish, but there are ways to do this other than punishment, as such.

Some people have mentioned natural consequences, such as ending the meal if food is being thrown. To me, a 15mo throwing or spitting food is either a) not hungry or b) exploring. If not hungry, the obvious response is to end the meal. This is not a punishment, but a logical step. If exploring, you may well decide that is not an appropriate way to explore - again, ending the meal and providing an alternative seems right, and again this isn't a punishment it's a logical way to address the cause of the problem. So I guess a key thing would be to try and understand the cause of the behaviour and work with that. Books and other resources on childhood development will come in handy. Trying to get things like food, sleep etc in order obviously makes life much easier.

Some people say you shouldn't childproof, but rather teach the child how to behave. A 15mo can only learn so many things at once (and resist so many temptations in one day) however, so I think it's best to remove the opportunity for misbehaviour such that you're only working on as many things as everyone can cope with at one time.

I also agree that a 15mo has a big knowledge gap in terms of what is appropriate or not. They haven't developed the cognitive skills necessary to see things from your point of view, either. Try to say what you want, instead of what you don't want. Demonstrate where necessary. This is an exciting phase because you are really going to be their teacher for the next little bit. A teacher wouldn't limit their feedback to telling the students that they are wrong - you would expect, at the same time, to have the right answer given and explained to you so you know better in future.

I think with things like kicking you through nappy changes you could try a) providing another nappy-change activity, b) calmly manoeuvring yourself, redirecting the kicks and/or holding on to the legs to make contact impossible. (I would be inclined to try both at once.) Your aim should be to make the kicking boring and not-fun and some alternative of your choosing much funner.

That said, a good, stern, "No!" can work wonders if used judiciously, and backed up with some teaching. Walking away and refusing to interact except on civilised terms is something I do with some frequency. And never forget the power of a glass of red at the end of the day, and a good babysitter. original.gif




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

A mum's tragic battle against inflammatory breast cancer

At just 37 years of age, with two young sons, Vicki was diagnosed with inflammatory breast cancer. Now her family wants all women to know the symptoms.

The business of babies around the world

Pregnancy and birth is an intriguing process no matter where you are in the world. One soon-to-be father gleans wisdom from a new guide.

Finding a positive path through IVF

It’s not surprising that IVF is often seen as a negative journey towards the ultimate positive, but having a glass-half-full approach can make a big difference to the experience.

Giving strangers the gift of parenthood

A mum explains why she and her husband are choosing to gift their leftover embryos to help strangers achieve their dream of parenthood.

Does morning sickness get better or worse with each child?

Just as every baby is unique, so is every pregnancy. And that means morning sickness can vary a lot, too.

What's so wrong with looking 'mumsy', anyway?

Why is it that the word ‘mumsy’ has connotations of such a negative nature – but seems to be the only other option apart from ‘yummy’?

Trying to speed up the inevitable

As the waiting game of late pregnancy continues, this mum considers a few things that might hurry things up a little.

One month later: where is William Tyrell?

It has been a little over a month since William Tyrell disappeared from his grandmother's home, 33 long sleepless nights for his family as they mourn the absence of their cheeky young boy.

Winter's child less likely to be moody: study

Babies born in the summer are much more likely to suffer from mood swings when they grow up, while those born in the winter are less likely to become irritable adults, scientists claim.

Single mum of two creates award-winning baby app

Suddenly single with a baby and an 11-year-old son, Tara O?Connell developed an app to improve the lives of mothers who were similarly overwhelmed.

Food for thought: looking after yourself as a new mum

As soon as your baby enters the world, everything else takes a back seat - even the necessities of daily life such as eating are severely compromised, right when you need energy the most.

'Grabbable guts' campaign aims to cut toxic fat

The Live Lighter campaign will take people inside the human body to show the internal dangers of being overweight.

The best and worst month of my life

A new mum's first month of motherhood didn't pan out as expected when she lost a family member weeks after her baby's birth.

Facebook and Apple offer to pay female staff to freeze their eggs

Facebook and Apple are hoping to provide women with the freedom to build their careers without the added pressure of having children at or by a certain age.

How a pregnancy contract could work for you and your partner

The idea of making a 'pregnancy contract' with your partner may sound a bit silly at first, but it can help make the transition to parenthood a lot smoother.

Finding a mum-friendly personal trainer

Burping babies vs burpees – yes, new mums and personal trainers live in different worlds. But they can work together - once you find the right match for you and your lifestyle.

Alleged baby snatch incident a ?misunderstanding?, say police

Police say that an incident in which a man pulled on a woman?s pram while walking a popular Sydney route late last month was a misunderstanding.

Ebola killed my aunt and is shutting down my country

Three weeks ago, my auntie, a midwife, developed a fever. Sitting here in Sydney basked in Australian sunshine, that shouldn't be big news.

The night my ovary burst

One mum shares her frightening experience and vows to never take her health for granted again.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Win 1 of 5 Canon Powershot D30 cameras

Capture life more easily with the Canon Powershot D30. Shockproof, waterproof and dustproof, you can take it almost anywhere and shoot beautiful images, time after time. Enter now!

16 parenting truths you won't find in the baby books

I am five years into this parenting gig and I’ve learnt that sleepless nights and changing dirty nappies are child’s play.

Best and worst potty party cakes

It's nice to celebrate a child making the shift from nappies to 'big kid' undies, but do we really need a semi-realistic used toilet cake to do it? Here are some of the best and worst cakes parents have used at 'potty parties' around the world.

7 tips for a financially festive Christmas

Plan ahead - and do it now - to ensure festive season expenses don't break the bank.

'Go the F*** to Sleep' author's new book for frustrated parents

A sequel is coming soon to the 2011 hit book 'Go the F*** to Sleep' - and this time, it's about mealtimes.

Great birthday party buys from Etsy

Handmade crafts to decorate and personalise your child's next birthday - from banners to cake decorations, we've got gorgeous party finds from Etsy.

Creative storage ideas for the kids' rooms

Creative and practical storage ideas for the kids' toys and books can also add some stylish decor to your home. Visit babyology.com.au for more stylish modern finds for hip kids & parents.

The 'yucky' illness that took over my life

I have a chronic illness nobody likes to discuss, as it involves toilet talk. But it needs to be talked about.

To the mum in the doctor's waiting room

Maybe the mum I saw in that waiting room, seemingly disconnected from her baby, doesn’t have the support she needs.

10 space-saving nursery ideas

Starting a family doesn't always mean moving into a bigger house - not yet, anyway.

 

What's in a name?

Baby Names

Looking for a classic name, or an unusual name? Our Baby Name Finder is for you, search or browse to refine your shortlist.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.