Jump to content

ds 3yr old pushing other children
ongoing and dont know what to do


  • Please log in to reply
7 replies to this topic

#1 talia08

Posted 08 January 2013 - 08:43 AM

Hi for about the last 5 months ds has been pushing other toddlers/children his own age/younger/older in play settings/park and at daycare. It seems to be compulsive, he sometimes looks like he is going in to play with other children but then gives them a good push. Ive been reinforcing to him no pushing, pushing hurts, we dont push and try to give him positive reinforcement for his good behaviour. I asked day care what to do about it when they mentioned he was doing it. They said just to verbalise no pushing.
Im finding I dont really want to take him out where we are with other children at the moment, I feel a bit like I cant control him. In all other aspects I have no concerns about his development or behaviour and there are no issues at home etc to bring this on.
He does have a 13 month old sibling and he does push him as well but he seems a little more controlled around him now.
Anyway if anyone else has experienced this I am interested in how you deal with it, how long does it last, its getting me down at the moment. Any books to read etc?
Thanks

#2 MissingInAction

Posted 08 January 2013 - 08:55 AM

I'd personally be focussing more on developing his positive behaviour skills... he's getting plenty of attention for his neg choices (pushing) but maybe needs a bit more obvious umm... "training" in the positive dept?  For example, you say he pushes his 13mth old sibling... instead of focussing on "not pushing" the sibling, teach him how to LOVE his sibling, CARE FOR his sibling, give him the emotional/social tools to make good choices original.gif



#3 talia08

Posted 08 January 2013 - 09:33 AM

thanks, I did mention I was giving him positive reinforcement  and he gets plenty of how to love and care for his brother, but always good to remember to keep focusing on it. Its more the compulsive nature of the pushing of other children that I am finding difficult to deal with in social situations. Thanks for taking the time to reply
regards

#4 Jess1308

Posted 08 January 2013 - 09:46 AM

Try not to stress, it seems like a normal phase to go through, persevere with what you are doing it will shift original.gif

#5 50ftqueenie

Posted 08 January 2013 - 02:04 PM

You could try ignoring him and giving your attention to the child that has been pushed.
Next time he pushes another child, attend to that child first, ask them if they are ok give them a little bit of fuss and then say to your DS "that wasn't very nice, you could have hurt X". He might apologise, but don't force one out. They are only worth something if the child means it.   Then move on and don't discuss it any further. This way he gets the message that pushing other people isn't nice, but he doesn't get a lot of attention for doing it.

It may not work, it's hard to give advice without knowing your child, but it's worth a try.

#6 AntiBourgeoisie

Posted 09 January 2013 - 11:58 AM

Is your child just three or almost four?
If just three, the comments above are good.
If almost four, he is old enough to start to demonstrate impulse control, or learn that his behaviour has a consequence. Take him to the park. If he pushes someone, tell him that he cannot be trusted at the park so it is home time, now. And leave immediately.
I don't think verbal instruction alone is adequate, especially for dangerous behaviours.

#7 Shirley Sue

Posted 09 January 2013 - 12:12 PM

I tend to agree with AntiBourgeoisie.

Prior to going to the park, play date etc. I would have a discussion about appropriate ways to play with him. I would warn him that if he hurts another child that you will be coming straight home- no ifs, no buts. I would then stick to this.

I would also praise him when he does play nicely with others.

You could also do some role playing at home and read some story books on the subject.

#8 beabea

Posted 12 January 2013 - 02:17 AM

QUOTE
I'd personally be focussing more on developing his positive behaviour skills...

I was going to say this. It doesn't mean positive reinforcement, it means that when he pushes, instead of telling him what NOT to do, you tell him WHAT TO DO. (Although you can do both if you like.)

So if he pushes, you can say, "No pushing! What do we do instead of pushing?" And if he struggles to provide a suitable answer you make some suggestions. Then you refuse to let him move on until he tries again and gets it right this time. Ideally, he should try again with the same child, but if this is impossible, you can either try again with a different child or role-play it with him yourself.

QUOTE
Take him to the park. If he pushes someone, tell him that he cannot be trusted at the park so it is home time, now. And leave immediately.


Be careful with this advice. Before you use it, you need to try and determine why your child is pushing. (Actually, it would be good to do this regardless - an essential first step for any behavioural issue. In my try-again method, giving an alternative to DS involved first trying to establish why he had pushed that particular child on that particular occasion.)

I made the mistake of thinking the leave-immediately response was The Way To Handle Park Misbehaviour and wondered why things were getting worse, not better. Then I realised DS was acting up because he'd had enough and was ready to leave the park. Taking him home immediately was actually rewarding his poor behaviour!

I started using the teach-and-try-again technique above for the specific behaviour he'd just displayed, then if I wasn't convinced we'd got to the base of it I would use essentially the same technique to solve the root problem: I'd ask if there was something bothering him in the background, for example, was he hungry or tired and wanted to go home? (I think an angry "Do you want to go home RIGHT NOW?" was the question that revealed the flaw in my approach - to my surprise, I got a relieved and enthusiastic, "Yes!" followed by a kid pelting gratefully to the car).

So I would get him to reflect on why he'd been nasty and once he understood his own behaviour better I required him try again - to go back and play nicely for at least a few minutes and then come and tell me politely that he was ready to leave. The problem cleared up very quickly. (But you have to be prepared for some odd looks when you say, "That's it, young man! You need to go out into that park and take ten more turns on the slippery slide and maybe make a sandcastle with some of your new friends! And if I see any more of that behaviour, I'll make it twenty slides and two sandcastles!")

Edited by beabea, 12 January 2013 - 12:23 PM.





1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Tell us what you think

to WIN 1 of 2 $500 Coles/Myer gift cards

Dealing with a toddler's morning tantrums

Your schedule is not important to your two-year-old, and you cannot convince her otherwise. So what can you do?

Child in suitcase 'could have died eight years ago'

A child whose remains were dumped in a suitcase in the South Australian bush is believed to have been a girl aged between two-and-a-half to four.

MP breastfeeds baby during parliamentary session

An Argentinian mum and politician has caused a stir on social media after being filmed breastfeeding her baby.

My baby's first seizure

It was 1am on a cold winter's night when I woke suddenly to the screams of my 12-month-old son. Our lives were about to change forever.

Portable pools 'more dangerous than permanent ones'

Inflatable and portable children's pools may be required to be sold with compulsory fencing to prevent backyard drownings, with some experts even floating the idea of a ban.

Heartbreaking moment mum kisses her one-week-old goodbye

At 11.07am on April 2 this year, Sarah Marriott welcomed baby Sebastian into the world.

The amazing Tee Pee bed and kid-friendly Frankie Bunk bed

These kids' beds definitely fit the brief of providing personality and personal space for little people who are moving up in the world.

The funny things kids say when you're pregnant

Since becoming noticeably pregnant, my son has taken more of an interest in the sibling he'll soon have.

The real problem with having one child

In this age of political correctness, it seems the one subject still subject to discrimination is that of the Only Child.

Six-week-old baby found dead, believed stabbed

A neighbour heard a child screaming before a baby was found dead, believed to have been stabbed, in a house in Newcastle.

The fire hazard in more than 70,000 Australian homes

So far, 206 Samsung washing machines have caught fire and some have exploded. But many remain in people's homes.

How having a baby can bring on OCD

We all know that having a baby can turn your life upside down - and it can also bring a raft of new anxieties and worries.

IVF gender selection being considered for Australian parents

Couples using IVF may be able to choose the gender of their babies and women could be financially compensated for donating their eggs.

The best age to get married (according to the latest study)

Not too young, and not too old. That's reportedly the best age to get married. Not everyone agrees.

Yes, you can get pregnant before your period returns post-baby

After giving birth, the last thing you want to think about is contraception. But you can get pregnant before your period comes back.

Fellow diner rewards mum after toddler's tantrum

Parents of toddlers everywhere know the feeling. After working up the courage to take your child out for lunch or dinner in public you are rewarded with a mid-meal meltdown. 

IKEA begins massive safety campaign after two toddler deaths

Two children were killed when pieces from their Malm furniture line tipped over.

Beaneasy: sweet nursery furniture with a twist

If you're looking to introduce an organic element into your baby's nursery but want to step away from natural timber, we have the perfect alternative.

A dad's guide to hyperemesis

I am in no way qualified to advise women on how to cope with hyperemesis, but I've learnt some lessons that might be worth sharing with other partners.

Woman adopts best friend's four daughters after cancer tragedy

Best friends share everything - and for these two life-long friends, that includes family.

Baby Leo's mum excluded from $500K trust 'for her own protection'

Samuel Forrest didn't want his wife as a trustee of their baby Leo's half million dollar trust for her own "protection", it has emerged.

Confirmed: men gain weight when they become dads

Men who become fathers experience weight gain and an increase in body mass index, a measurement of body fat based on height and weight, according to a new, large-scale study

Carer investigated over washing machine photo posted 'for a laugh'

She said the photo of a boy with Down syndrome in a washing machine was taken just for fun, but no one else was laughing.

Mum's premature labour nightmare after high tea salmonella outbreak

An opulent high tea at a luxury Melbourne hotel has left 44 people with salmonella poisoning - including a pregnant woman, who went into early labour.

The day my son started a fire

Would you know what to do in a fire emergency? How safe is your home and family?

Prince George celebrates second birthday

Prince George's second birthday has been marked by the release of an official picture showing the toddler smiling as he is held by his proud beaming father.

Which beauty treatments are safe in pregnancy?

Is it safe to use fake tan, hair dye and nail varnish during pregnancy?

The five ways I know my 'baby' is no longer a baby

The truth is, I can no longer deny that my walking, babbling, somewhat-independent little miss is no longer a bona fide 'baby'.

Review: Cybex Platinum PRIAM pram

I'm not usually one who believes in love at first sight but that's exactly what happened when I first saw the Cybex PRIAM.

Get your FREE Baby & Toddler Show ticket!

Get your free ticket to the Sydney Essential Baby & Toddler Show for September 25-27 - register online now.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Tell us what you think

to WIN 1 of 2 $500 Coles/Myer gift cards

Why I'm choosing to be a single mother right from the start

I believe that you get out of families what you put into them, and I will give mine my all.

Mother and baby units are a necessity for mental health, not a luxury

I have had two postnatal psychotic episodes. The first when my eldest child was six weeks old, and another after my second child was born.

30 French baby names

French names are always in fashion, but a few have risen in popularity in recent years.

New mum's Spanish maternity nightmare

A British woman who gave birth in Spain has told of her ordeal after spending weeks trying to convince medics the baby girl was hers.

Preparing Rover to be a good dog with baby

Some friends of ours say that it's dangerous to have a dog around a newborn and that we should start looking for a new home for him. Is it?

Company offers to ship working mums' breast milk home

First Apple and Facebook announced they would pay $20,000 towards the cost of their female employees freezing their eggs, now IBM in the US has come up with an innovative new policy aimed at retaining female employees.

Prince William speaks of his pride at wife Kate and 'little joy of heaven' Charlotte

The Duke of Cambridge opened up about family life and his plans for the future in an interview to mark his first day as an air ambulance pilot.

'Glowing' eye saves baby Mason's life

A simple photo taken in front of an evening fire gave new mother Sarah Bowers the power to save her baby's life. 

Parenting and decision overload

Of all the advice people told me before having a baby, no one warned me about the amount of decisions involved.

Proof that toddlers can't be left unsupervised - ever

Parents of toddlers all know the moment when realise your child is being suspiciously quiet. It can only mean one thing - trouble!

Meet Jeremy Ryan, The Voice contestant with seven kids

If you have trouble recalling the ages of Jeremy Ryan's seven children on The Voice, you're not alone. So does he.

Baby's adorable reaction to wearing glasses for the first time

Getting glasses can be a formative moment in a person's life.

Police officer buys supplies for family after mum of six caught shoplifting

When a mum of six was caught shoplifting nappies, clothes and shoes for her kids, the last thing she expected was for a stranger to pay for her haul.

Why pregnant women on antidepressants shouldn’t panic about birth defect claims

The risk of having uncontrolled depression is far greater than the small increased risk of birth defects that may be associated with specific antidepressants.

Arrests made over children's birthday party brawl

Police have raided properties and arrested a number of people over a brawl at a child's birthday party at a play centre in Sydney's west.

Family shares awesome drone baby announcement

Looking for a creative way to share some big news? Look to the skies, like this family did.

Young warrior Owen defies doctors' predictions

Little Owen DiCandilo's name means "young warrior", and it's a description that perfectly fits the inspiring 18-month-old

Advice for dads: when to approach your wife for sex

The exhaustion that comes with caring for young children often means romance between parents becomes a thing of the past.

I might be fat, but I don't need saving

I've been fat for pretty much most of life, besides a few crazy moments of being less-fat, but for the most part I've existed on this earth with a little more meat on my bones than desirable.

The rookie mistakes we make as parents

Since the dawn of civilisation, generation after generation of new parents have had to rely on instinct, trial and error - and sometimes get it wrong.

 

FREE TICKET

See Pinky McKay live in Sydney

Get your free ticket to The Essential Baby & Toddler Show and save $20 - register online now!

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.