Jump to content

ds 3yr old pushing other children
ongoing and dont know what to do


  • Please log in to reply
7 replies to this topic

#1 talia08

Posted 08 January 2013 - 08:43 AM

Hi for about the last 5 months ds has been pushing other toddlers/children his own age/younger/older in play settings/park and at daycare. It seems to be compulsive, he sometimes looks like he is going in to play with other children but then gives them a good push. Ive been reinforcing to him no pushing, pushing hurts, we dont push and try to give him positive reinforcement for his good behaviour. I asked day care what to do about it when they mentioned he was doing it. They said just to verbalise no pushing.
Im finding I dont really want to take him out where we are with other children at the moment, I feel a bit like I cant control him. In all other aspects I have no concerns about his development or behaviour and there are no issues at home etc to bring this on.
He does have a 13 month old sibling and he does push him as well but he seems a little more controlled around him now.
Anyway if anyone else has experienced this I am interested in how you deal with it, how long does it last, its getting me down at the moment. Any books to read etc?
Thanks

#2 MissingInAction

Posted 08 January 2013 - 08:55 AM

I'd personally be focussing more on developing his positive behaviour skills... he's getting plenty of attention for his neg choices (pushing) but maybe needs a bit more obvious umm... "training" in the positive dept?  For example, you say he pushes his 13mth old sibling... instead of focussing on "not pushing" the sibling, teach him how to LOVE his sibling, CARE FOR his sibling, give him the emotional/social tools to make good choices original.gif



#3 talia08

Posted 08 January 2013 - 09:33 AM

thanks, I did mention I was giving him positive reinforcement  and he gets plenty of how to love and care for his brother, but always good to remember to keep focusing on it. Its more the compulsive nature of the pushing of other children that I am finding difficult to deal with in social situations. Thanks for taking the time to reply
regards

#4 Jess1308

Posted 08 January 2013 - 09:46 AM

Try not to stress, it seems like a normal phase to go through, persevere with what you are doing it will shift original.gif

#5 50ftqueenie

Posted 08 January 2013 - 02:04 PM

You could try ignoring him and giving your attention to the child that has been pushed.
Next time he pushes another child, attend to that child first, ask them if they are ok give them a little bit of fuss and then say to your DS "that wasn't very nice, you could have hurt X". He might apologise, but don't force one out. They are only worth something if the child means it.   Then move on and don't discuss it any further. This way he gets the message that pushing other people isn't nice, but he doesn't get a lot of attention for doing it.

It may not work, it's hard to give advice without knowing your child, but it's worth a try.

#6 AntiBourgeoisie

Posted 09 January 2013 - 11:58 AM

Is your child just three or almost four?
If just three, the comments above are good.
If almost four, he is old enough to start to demonstrate impulse control, or learn that his behaviour has a consequence. Take him to the park. If he pushes someone, tell him that he cannot be trusted at the park so it is home time, now. And leave immediately.
I don't think verbal instruction alone is adequate, especially for dangerous behaviours.

#7 Shirley Sue

Posted 09 January 2013 - 12:12 PM

I tend to agree with AntiBourgeoisie.

Prior to going to the park, play date etc. I would have a discussion about appropriate ways to play with him. I would warn him that if he hurts another child that you will be coming straight home- no ifs, no buts. I would then stick to this.

I would also praise him when he does play nicely with others.

You could also do some role playing at home and read some story books on the subject.

#8 beabea

Posted 12 January 2013 - 02:17 AM

QUOTE
I'd personally be focussing more on developing his positive behaviour skills...

I was going to say this. It doesn't mean positive reinforcement, it means that when he pushes, instead of telling him what NOT to do, you tell him WHAT TO DO. (Although you can do both if you like.)

So if he pushes, you can say, "No pushing! What do we do instead of pushing?" And if he struggles to provide a suitable answer you make some suggestions. Then you refuse to let him move on until he tries again and gets it right this time. Ideally, he should try again with the same child, but if this is impossible, you can either try again with a different child or role-play it with him yourself.

QUOTE
Take him to the park. If he pushes someone, tell him that he cannot be trusted at the park so it is home time, now. And leave immediately.


Be careful with this advice. Before you use it, you need to try and determine why your child is pushing. (Actually, it would be good to do this regardless - an essential first step for any behavioural issue. In my try-again method, giving an alternative to DS involved first trying to establish why he had pushed that particular child on that particular occasion.)

I made the mistake of thinking the leave-immediately response was The Way To Handle Park Misbehaviour and wondered why things were getting worse, not better. Then I realised DS was acting up because he'd had enough and was ready to leave the park. Taking him home immediately was actually rewarding his poor behaviour!

I started using the teach-and-try-again technique above for the specific behaviour he'd just displayed, then if I wasn't convinced we'd got to the base of it I would use essentially the same technique to solve the root problem: I'd ask if there was something bothering him in the background, for example, was he hungry or tired and wanted to go home? (I think an angry "Do you want to go home RIGHT NOW?" was the question that revealed the flaw in my approach - to my surprise, I got a relieved and enthusiastic, "Yes!" followed by a kid pelting gratefully to the car).

So I would get him to reflect on why he'd been nasty and once he understood his own behaviour better I required him try again - to go back and play nicely for at least a few minutes and then come and tell me politely that he was ready to leave. The problem cleared up very quickly. (But you have to be prepared for some odd looks when you say, "That's it, young man! You need to go out into that park and take ten more turns on the slippery slide and maybe make a sandcastle with some of your new friends! And if I see any more of that behaviour, I'll make it twenty slides and two sandcastles!")

Edited by beabea, 12 January 2013 - 12:23 PM.





1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Wet wipes linked to rise in allergic reactions

The government has issued a health warning after a rise in allergic skin reactions has been linked to a preservative found in some wet wipes.

Gay couple in their 80s first to wed in Dallas after Supreme Court ruling

Love may have won, but it came with quite the wait.

William Tyrrell's family marks birthday with cake and renewed appeal

The family of missing boy William Tyrrell will mark his fourth birthday on Friday making a cake to share with friends and family as NSW police renewed their public appeal for information on his disappearance.

What all parents should know about safe babywearing

A picture of Ryan Reynolds always gets the girls talking, and a recently shared photo has done exactly that - but this time, it's for all the wrong reasons.

Baby's head shape reveals potentially fatal condition

Thinking her baby just had an unusually shaped head, a mother was shocked to discover it was instead linked to a dangerous condition.

'Help - my toddler hits me!'

My toddler has started hitting when he gets frustrated, is feeling ignored, or just thinks it might be fun.

Why IVF success rates may not be what you think

Transparency, accountability and responsibilityare essential measures to protect IVF vulnerable patients.

On the 10th anniversary of my son's death

This day marks a significant day. Today marks 10 years since I lost my son Kai.

Owning a pair of nail scissors does not make me a hairdresser

It's been a whole year since sleeping in until 10am. A whole year since having a peaceful shower.

WIN A $500 VISA DEBIT CARD

Are you a parent, or are you planning to be? Tell us what you think and you'll go in the draw to win a $500 gift card!

Sexy time

Why you should get excited about scheduling sex

Unfortunately, the belief that sex should always be spontaneous is a myth. It just isn't.

Orphaned baby daughter Ayla wakes from coma

Former All Black Jerry Collins' critically injured orphaned daughter has awoken from her coma and is able to bottle-feed.

Dad takes miraculous catch while feeding baby

One American father has taken multitasking to a new level at a Cubs-Dodgers baseball game at Wrigley Field.

'Samuel is our firstborn, and he will never be forgotten'

Having lost their firstborn at one day old, the Carrolls were overjoyed to welcome their daughter Isobel into the world a year later.

The top 6 misleading parenting terms

From 'morning sickness' to 'the terrible twos', there are many parenting terms that are misleading.

When 'good' nannies go bad

While most nannies take pride in their work, there can be some who have a hidden side.

Woman hospitalised for skinny jeans injury

Beware: skinny jeans might be bad for your health.

Gauze seeding: the bacteria-breeding birth trend

A number of women having caesarean deliveries are now taking steps to give their baby a better 'microbiome' start in life.

Jimmy Fallon writes new children's book for dads

Jimmy Fallon, host of NBC's The Tonight Show, recently wrote a children's book about every father's secret wish for their baby's first word to be "dada" - not "mama".

28 names for babies born in winter

Looking for some baby name inspiration for a bub born during the colder months? Here are 28 options from around the world to consider.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

27 funny ultrasound pictures

Ultrasounds give you a look at your growing baby ... and sometimes what appears to their womb-buddy, or your bub in an amusing position.

The horrible act that sparked a brawl at child's birthday party

The uncle of the seven-year-old girl at the centre of the brawl at child's birthday party in Sydney's west has described the events leading up to the alarming show of violence.

Babies 'benefit from iPads at a young age': study

More often than not, you'll read that screen time for children should be kept to a minimum - but some scientists are now challenging this way of thinking.

Do mums really just obsessively talk about their children?

Natalie Reilly describes three main types of conversations mothers have. And, surprise, they're not all about kids.

Why some dogs might attack babies or young kids

A baby's smell, the noises it makes and even its gaze can contribute to the potential for a dog attack.

Mum demands refund for 'beargina' christening cake

It was meant to be a tasteful cake to help celebrate a three-year-old's christening.

5 things no one warns you about after giving birth

How many times have you been warned about all the sleepless nights you have to 'look forward to' when you become a parent?

Police officer sang nursery rhyme as heartbreaking photo was taken

A police officer arrived at a devastating scene on Thursday: a car crash resulting in all passengers being thrown from the vehicle.

Don't worry, working mums: Just leave Dad in charge at home

Want to open the boardroom doors for women? Encourage - heck, praise - dads who stay home with their children.

Hilaria Baldwin shares post-baby selfie

Just two days after giving birth, actor Alec Balwin's wife posted a post-baby picture on social media.

'Help - my child won't ever do what I ask!'

Compliance is part of the parent-child relationship, but so is resistance. It's all natural.

Postnatal depression support gets $23 million boost in NSW

The Baird government will include $22.8 million in Tuesday's NSW budget to expand a program designed to help parents at risk of postnatal depression (PND).

'I'm just as tired, scared and stressed as you': stay-at-home dad's plea

I'm really lucky to have two great kids, but I found it really tough with so much being aimed at the mothers and not the fathers.

6 tips for transitioning back to work after baby

Mums returning to work - and yes, dads too - aren't the same as when they left. But that doesn't mean they're not as good as they once were.

Couple reveals pregnancy with epic Britney Spears parody

How do you create an original pregnancy announcement and gender reveal? You turn to Britney Spears.

The truth about birthing a big baby

When told that they are having a 'big baby', many women have a lot of fears. But those fears are often unfounded.

Eight months pregnant and addicted to eating soap

This bizarre snack takes the cake (of soap) when it comes to weird pregnancy cravings.

Can you spot the drowning child?

Can you spot him in the video? The child who loses his rubber ring, panics, and then almost drowns? It isn't easy.

Noodles, peanuts, wee wees and lady bits

Yes, I know it's silly. I know all the advice from experts is to use the right terminology from the moment your child can talk. But I just can't.

Mum's brave battle for unborn triplets amid cancer diagnosis

Bree O'Malley has a cancer diagnosis, a rare blood condition, kidney and liver failure and other complications. And she is pregnant with triplets.

 

Win $500

WIN A $500 VISA DEBIT CARD

Are you are parent or planning to be? We want to know what you think - let us know and you'll be in the draw to win a $500 gift card.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.