Jump to content

ds 3yr old pushing other children
ongoing and dont know what to do


  • Please log in to reply
7 replies to this topic

#1 talia08

Posted 08 January 2013 - 08:43 AM

Hi for about the last 5 months ds has been pushing other toddlers/children his own age/younger/older in play settings/park and at daycare. It seems to be compulsive, he sometimes looks like he is going in to play with other children but then gives them a good push. Ive been reinforcing to him no pushing, pushing hurts, we dont push and try to give him positive reinforcement for his good behaviour. I asked day care what to do about it when they mentioned he was doing it. They said just to verbalise no pushing.
Im finding I dont really want to take him out where we are with other children at the moment, I feel a bit like I cant control him. In all other aspects I have no concerns about his development or behaviour and there are no issues at home etc to bring this on.
He does have a 13 month old sibling and he does push him as well but he seems a little more controlled around him now.
Anyway if anyone else has experienced this I am interested in how you deal with it, how long does it last, its getting me down at the moment. Any books to read etc?
Thanks

#2 MissingInAction

Posted 08 January 2013 - 08:55 AM

I'd personally be focussing more on developing his positive behaviour skills... he's getting plenty of attention for his neg choices (pushing) but maybe needs a bit more obvious umm... "training" in the positive dept?  For example, you say he pushes his 13mth old sibling... instead of focussing on "not pushing" the sibling, teach him how to LOVE his sibling, CARE FOR his sibling, give him the emotional/social tools to make good choices original.gif



#3 talia08

Posted 08 January 2013 - 09:33 AM

thanks, I did mention I was giving him positive reinforcement  and he gets plenty of how to love and care for his brother, but always good to remember to keep focusing on it. Its more the compulsive nature of the pushing of other children that I am finding difficult to deal with in social situations. Thanks for taking the time to reply
regards

#4 Jess1308

Posted 08 January 2013 - 09:46 AM

Try not to stress, it seems like a normal phase to go through, persevere with what you are doing it will shift original.gif

#5 50ftqueenie

Posted 08 January 2013 - 02:04 PM

You could try ignoring him and giving your attention to the child that has been pushed.
Next time he pushes another child, attend to that child first, ask them if they are ok give them a little bit of fuss and then say to your DS "that wasn't very nice, you could have hurt X". He might apologise, but don't force one out. They are only worth something if the child means it.   Then move on and don't discuss it any further. This way he gets the message that pushing other people isn't nice, but he doesn't get a lot of attention for doing it.

It may not work, it's hard to give advice without knowing your child, but it's worth a try.

#6 AntiBourgeoisie

Posted 09 January 2013 - 11:58 AM

Is your child just three or almost four?
If just three, the comments above are good.
If almost four, he is old enough to start to demonstrate impulse control, or learn that his behaviour has a consequence. Take him to the park. If he pushes someone, tell him that he cannot be trusted at the park so it is home time, now. And leave immediately.
I don't think verbal instruction alone is adequate, especially for dangerous behaviours.

#7 Shirley Sue

Posted 09 January 2013 - 12:12 PM

I tend to agree with AntiBourgeoisie.

Prior to going to the park, play date etc. I would have a discussion about appropriate ways to play with him. I would warn him that if he hurts another child that you will be coming straight home- no ifs, no buts. I would then stick to this.

I would also praise him when he does play nicely with others.

You could also do some role playing at home and read some story books on the subject.

#8 beabea

Posted 12 January 2013 - 02:17 AM

QUOTE
I'd personally be focussing more on developing his positive behaviour skills...

I was going to say this. It doesn't mean positive reinforcement, it means that when he pushes, instead of telling him what NOT to do, you tell him WHAT TO DO. (Although you can do both if you like.)

So if he pushes, you can say, "No pushing! What do we do instead of pushing?" And if he struggles to provide a suitable answer you make some suggestions. Then you refuse to let him move on until he tries again and gets it right this time. Ideally, he should try again with the same child, but if this is impossible, you can either try again with a different child or role-play it with him yourself.

QUOTE
Take him to the park. If he pushes someone, tell him that he cannot be trusted at the park so it is home time, now. And leave immediately.


Be careful with this advice. Before you use it, you need to try and determine why your child is pushing. (Actually, it would be good to do this regardless - an essential first step for any behavioural issue. In my try-again method, giving an alternative to DS involved first trying to establish why he had pushed that particular child on that particular occasion.)

I made the mistake of thinking the leave-immediately response was The Way To Handle Park Misbehaviour and wondered why things were getting worse, not better. Then I realised DS was acting up because he'd had enough and was ready to leave the park. Taking him home immediately was actually rewarding his poor behaviour!

I started using the teach-and-try-again technique above for the specific behaviour he'd just displayed, then if I wasn't convinced we'd got to the base of it I would use essentially the same technique to solve the root problem: I'd ask if there was something bothering him in the background, for example, was he hungry or tired and wanted to go home? (I think an angry "Do you want to go home RIGHT NOW?" was the question that revealed the flaw in my approach - to my surprise, I got a relieved and enthusiastic, "Yes!" followed by a kid pelting gratefully to the car).

So I would get him to reflect on why he'd been nasty and once he understood his own behaviour better I required him try again - to go back and play nicely for at least a few minutes and then come and tell me politely that he was ready to leave. The problem cleared up very quickly. (But you have to be prepared for some odd looks when you say, "That's it, young man! You need to go out into that park and take ten more turns on the slippery slide and maybe make a sandcastle with some of your new friends! And if I see any more of that behaviour, I'll make it twenty slides and two sandcastles!")

Edited by beabea, 12 January 2013 - 12:23 PM.





0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Childcare Survey

Win a $100 Coles/Myers gift voucher by completing the 5 minute childcare survey.

Kelly Clarkson shares first photos of son

Kelly Clarkson has shown off the first photos of her son, Remington Alexander Blackstock.

5 childbirth myths that need to be busted

Birth is an unpredictable, mysterious process that intrigues us all, and there is a lot of misinformation out there.

Mum of three fatally shot by toddler while driving

A US mother has been shot by her toddler while driving on a highway in Wisconsin.

All you need is one minute to work out

The seven-minute-work out is old news. Research shows the effectiveness of going hell-for-leather for just one minute.

Pregnant women needed to join diabetes study

Pregnant woman in country Australia will help Adelaide researchers figure out why cases of type 1 diabetes have doubled over the past two decades.

Just announced: the Mountain Buggy Unirider

It's the perfect solution to combat those toddler meltdowns when they no longer want to be in a pram but can't walk long distances.

Authorities euthanise dog that fatally bit a newborn baby

A pit bull mix that fatally bit a 3-day-old infant last week has been euthanised, authorities said.

The push for Medicare to fund lactation consultants

While meeting with a lactation consultant can make an enormous difference to a new mother, it's not a service that is available through the public health system.

Why it's perfectly natural to dislike other people's children

Members of a popular forum are fiercely debating whether it is acceptable to dislike a friend's child.

Woman gives birth on plane, names baby after airline

A pregnant woman who unexpectedly gave birth on a flight has named her new baby after the airline, Jetstar.

Heartwarming photos show the joy of adoption after foster care

Children living in foster care can feel like their future is less than clear. But that uncertainty disappears the day they are adopted by their "forever family" 

'Oh my god, it's a baby!' Mum shocked to give birth

When the cramps started to kick in, Klara Dollan just assumed a painful period was starting.

Mum's Facebook plea: 'Help me find my daughter's father'

Kerryn has a unusual present planned for daughter Imi's 13th birthday celebrations - she hopes to be able to be able to give the soon-to-be the teenager her first ever photo of her dad.

Is it possible for your house to be too clean?

Our houses are cleaner than ever before. But how clean is too clean? Could a sterile home be putting your family's health at risk?

Millions of Monkeys: puzzles that grow with your toddler

Here's a puzzle that grows with them; the Puzzle Grow Pack by Millions of Monkeys.

Baby names from Britpop

If you grew up in the 90s you might want to look to the genre of Britpop music for baby name inspiration.

What to eat and drink when you have gastro

When you catch a bug that causes acute infectious gastroenteritis (gastro), your stomach and intestinal tract become inflamed, causing diarrhoea, nausea, vomiting, abdominal cramping and pain. The last thing you probably feel like doing is eating.

'To this day, I owe her my life'

Would I have survived if I hadn't crossed that street?

Why baby Sonny needs you to vaccinate your children

Caitlin is a firm believer in the importance of immunisation to protect children from harmful and deadly diseases.

Five-year-old's photo captures beauty of motherhood

There is no make-up or special outfits and hairdos, but the five-year-old boy who took this picture captured the essence of motherhood as well as any professional photographer.

Babies know whether you are naughty or nice

Studies have shown that infants in the first months of life try to avoid dealing with social wrongdoers - for example, sharing less with them and helping them less - and they expect others to, too.

 
Advertisement
 

Top 5 Articles

Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Childcare Survey

Win a $100 Coles/Myers gift voucher by completing the 5 minute childcare survey.

The babies who are one in 70 million

Bethani Webb was excited to find out she was pregnant, but the first time mum did not realise she was carrying four babies not one.

Cafe offers breastfeeding mums a free cup of tea

A Sydney cafe is offering breastfeeding mums free cups of tea in a bid to show support for the right of women to nurse their babies wherever they choose.

To snip or not to snip? When the decision is not clear cut

Jamie Oliver, who considered a vasectomy, is to be a father again. A fellow dad reflects on his own decision 11 years ago

Doctors stunned by rare twins born almost six weeks apart

To everyone's surprise, Kristen Miller "kept doing better each day", keeping her second baby safe.

Baby book ideas for modern parents

Before my son was born I was given a lovely baby book full of blank pages waiting to be filled with weights and heights and first words.

The adorable smile of a baby seeing his mum clearly for the first time

There is no doubt seeing their child smile for the first time is an unforgettable moment for parents everywhere.

Mum tells how toddler 'nearly hung himself' in cot mishap

When Alison Johnson put her 18-month-old Caleb down for a nap, she had no reason to believe her son was in any danger.

Babies are still switched at birth? Yes, it can happen

All my panic and tears aside, my biggest question looking back is about the kind of security measures used in the maternity ward.

Doctors slammed for taking selfie with newborn

Everyone who visits a mum in hospital in the days following childbirth wants to get a photo with the new baby.

ergoPouch Twosie Sleepsuit for winter breastfeeding

Finally, there's a way to keep warm while breastfeeding through winter.

Health check: How long does sex 'normally' last?

What to do with this information? My advice would be to try not to think about it during the throes of passion.

When breastfeeding sucks: fixing common problems

From niplash to tight boobs, biting to milk supply issues, Pinky McKay looks at common breastfeeding issues and how to solve them.

10 things I've learnt in my first six months with twins

Six months on we're all still alive, and the more we get to know each other the easier the days become.

Mum's loving kiss leaves baby fighting for life

Kirsty Carrington thought nothing of giving her newborn son a kiss, little did she know it would leave the baby fighting for life.

When doing chores is your new 'me time'

After children, 'me time' looks a little different.

Get going: 14 travel strollers for families on the move

A stroller can make or break travelling with a baby or toddler. Here are 15 great single travel stroller options.

10 ways toddlers are terrific

It always pays to remind yourself of how terrific toddlers can be - they're little like this for such a short time

 

ENTER NOW

Do your kids love bananas?

This is the comp for you! We have $800 worth of Myer gift cards and boxes of Australian Bananas to be won. Entry is simple: just post a pic of your little one enjoying a banana in the comments of the FB post to enter.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.