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WDYT is a resonable age for kids to buy their own shoes/clothes?
34 replies to this topic
Posted 06 January 2013 - 04:06 PM
Just out of curiousity, as the topic title says, for those with the experience of older children and the opinion of those with younger children..WDYT is a reasonable age for kids to start buying or even putting money towards their own clothing costs?
My DS1 and DD are to a previous marriage, and just spent the last 5 days with xH. DD, 10, said they were in a shoe shop during that time looking for shoes as she needed some "special occasion" shoes, being her old ones were too small. DD chose a pair of sandals ($30) and was then told she had to spend her Christmas money to buy them. DD said she didn't realise she was buying them herself.
I wouldn't dream of asking my child to purchase her own shoes at 10, I guess I would rethink that if they were shoes she didn't actually need to replace a too small pair though. For example if she already had more than enough pairs and just "wanted" them. I just assumed clothing goes under the caring for umbrella of needs until she had the means, money wise, to buy her own.
Posted 06 January 2013 - 04:09 PM
I think it's reasonable to start buying some of your own clothes - particularly if you want to spend more on a specific brand, once you're working.
Even when I started working (15), my mum still paid for most of my clothes, though I was more likely to get them for birthdays/christmas.
Posted 06 January 2013 - 04:12 PM
I would think my nearly 13yr old should put some birthday/christmas /pocket money towards something if it was a ''want'' rather than a ''need'' but until she has a part time job I expect we will be paying for most things
Posted 06 January 2013 - 04:14 PM
My girls are 13 and almost 20.
My 20 year old has been buying most of her own clothes since she got a casual job in grade 10...however as the mum I still buy some clothes/shoes for her.
My 13 year old only buys her own when she does get Christmas and birthday money and it is something she really likes/wants. Again as the mum I buy everything else clothes and shoes wise.
However I am almost 40 and my mum still buys me some clothes too...lol.
Posted 06 January 2013 - 04:14 PM
They buy their own when they have an income. I buy everything they need until they can afford it. If they have a want before they can afford it, they can have it as a birthday or Christmas gift, or use some of their gift money.
Posted 06 January 2013 - 04:19 PM
In our family when you started high school (12) you switched from getting weekly pocket money to a 'clothing allowance'.
At the start of each term Mum and Dad would put a lump sum in our bank account and we had to manage it ourselves.
School uniforms weren't included - and sometimes I could wrangle some sneakers out of her too because they were 'for sport'.
You could buy what you wanted but the money had to cover all of your walking around expenses too (lollies, space invaders, hair gel, pizzas etc!)
It was a great way to learn how to budget (ask my sister who blew all hers on one pair of Corfu acid wash jeans in the first week of January one year!) and it meant that when Mum DID buy you something - I remember a rather glorious aqua outfit I wore to a school social in 1985 - you actually appreciated it as a kind and generous act.
I am also not a 'brand name' person to this day AND I learned to sew!
Posted 06 January 2013 - 04:19 PM
Don't worry my ex is the same. Will not buy the kids a thing when they are with him apart from food. ( they hardly see him now though)
The kids are now 16 and 18, it has been this way forever.
Nope, to young to have to buy her own, pretty typical of some tight wad parents to pull that one tho.
Posted 06 January 2013 - 04:19 PM
I think it needs to be a phased in thing, with an ├«ncrease in pocket money to support it for kids too young to work.
My eldest DD is 16, and I pay for her reasonable clothing needs, ie I will spend up to $50 on a pair of jeans, but if she wants more expensive ones, she needs to pay the difference. If she is shopping with friends, and I know she needs some news tops etc, I'll give her some money for them. If she decides she just WANTS another pair of sparkly high heels or another dress for a party (because everyone has seen her other dress) then no, she pays for it! I pay for all school clothes, underwear etc but I did pay for her formal dress last year, because that was a special night and I wanted to - but we looked for a while to find something reasonably priced.
The great thing about this, is that now, she will go shopping and look at the price before she even tries something on and is always looking for a bargain.
At 10 years old, I would not expect any ch├«ld to fund a pair of shoes, especially if the old ones were out grown. If it was me, I'd be reimbursing your DD. I guess it depends on the relationship you have with exH if you want to talk to him about it.
Posted 06 January 2013 - 04:23 PM
At 10, I would expect a parent to pay for necessary items such as replacing outgrown shoes.
Gift money is for buying 'what you want'. I would expect children to gradually begin buying clothes they want as they move into the teen years while still having basics and necessaries provided by parents with a gradual transition as they become independent.
During this time I would anticipate that some items would be subsidised by parents ie. "I will supply $50 towards your xyz and you need to provide the rest" so the child can then choose which they want based on how much they are willing to part with but the full burden is not on them.
Posted 06 January 2013 - 04:29 PM
I didn't expect our kids to buy their clothes until they were working part time jobs and even then they only bought stuff that they really fancied and I didn't fancy paying the exorbitant prices.
I felt responsible to buy their necessary items, shoes, undies, school uniforms, sports uniforms and every day clothing until they were finished secondary college.
At age 10 I would not have had any expectation but would allow them to choose something with birthday or Christmas money if it was clothes that they wanted to spend it on.
Posted 06 January 2013 - 04:36 PM
Im the same as others - I wouldn't ever expect DD (11) to buy her own clothes and shoes unless she wanted something really unnecessary and expensive. Christmas money, to me, seems like something special that she should spend on something she wants - it's kind of in lieu of a toy or whatever so it should be up to her. I think.
Posted 06 January 2013 - 04:41 PM
It's hard to say about the specifics since you're just saying one side of the story, who knows what conversation was had before the shop - I have 9 & 10 year olds, so while she might not have been lying, she may have missed out the 'full' story.
In general terms, in our society shoes are a Need and should be provided for by parents for the most part - unless like others said, if they are some junky 'want' shoe.
Posted 06 January 2013 - 04:57 PM
only if it is a want and not a need...
at that age if my kids want something that is something i would refuse to buy such as a particular design or brand then yes they could spend their money on it.
Otherwise shoes and clothes are my problem for many years to come.
Posted 06 January 2013 - 05:07 PM
Edited by Tyrone Finkelmeyer, 26 March 2013 - 08:21 PM.
Posted 06 January 2013 - 05:07 PM
From 12 - 15 I was given about $200 a year to cover any clothing item except bras/socks/underwear. I can see issues with saying not til they get a job. What if the older child gets at job at 14, and younger sibling not til 16? Does that mean you keep buying younger kid clothes for 2 more years?
Certainly wouldn't be forcing DD to buy shoes at 10
Posted 06 January 2013 - 05:14 PM
When they have a part time job. My dd bought a pair of high heels with her pay recently. She also buys the majority of her clothes too. She is 15.
Posted 06 January 2013 - 05:18 PM
Thank you for your opinions
It's true, I wasn't there and obviously don't have the whole story. I just wouldn't expect DD to buy needed shoes out of her Christmas money.
I was already sensitive regarding exH after he blew me up at my doorstep this morning because DS1 took his mobile to his place. DS and DD both text me once or twice while they weren't here and that is unacceptable to their father, I am not to contact them or be contacted by them. I had also called exMIL recently about her telling DD she is getting solid. DD was upset as her father laughed and some other relatives where saying exMIL meant she is fat. I asked ex to stick up for his daughter and say something which he refused, so I rang her and calmly asked she not mention weight to DD as it upset her. Again, unacceptable to ex, I am to discuss the kids with him only. Put that with DS having to get up during the night to sneak some medication for his migraine as he was not allowed any, and that ex keeps telling the kids they wear glasses to be cool not because they need them..the shoes just tipped me over the WTF are you thinking edge!
I guess that highlights that no, I can't speak to him about it. We have been divorced for 8 years, and he is still a jealous, bitter man. I'm only allowed to speak to him via a stupid book.
Ugh, way to railroad my own post lol. Thank you again for the opinions!
Posted 06 January 2013 - 05:32 PM
If I said "we're buying you eighty dollar sneakers" [or whatever] and the 10 year old said no I need 150 dollar ones, I might say well are you paying the difference? If I thought the "basic" ones were just as good and it was an issue of coolness/licensing/designer brands/whatever making the cost difference.
But I wouldn't expect them to buy regular clothes/shoes with their Christmas money. At least they wouldn't HAVE to if they were willing to have basic, pleasant ones.
Posted 06 January 2013 - 06:17 PM
If it's a "need" item - I would buy it until they are old enough to work and earn an income. Items such as school clothing, essential winter clothes, summer clothes, undies, socks etc.
If it's a "want" item - shoes so they can go out, dresses so they can go to a party etc then it can come out of their pocket/Christmas present money.
Posted 06 January 2013 - 07:38 PM
I think that when my children are 10 I should be buying clothes and shoes. If they are super expensive ones there would be discussion about it
Posted 06 January 2013 - 08:04 PM
When they start earning their own money or if it is their own decision to buy clothes with gift money.
Having said that, as pp's have alluded to, if I'm paying, I may refuse to buy items that are unnecessary or unnecessarily expensive.
Posted 06 January 2013 - 08:09 PM
My kids started buying their own clothes when they got part time jobs, but I still bought underwear, pyjamas, socks, school clothes and basic things like plain T-shirts, sweatshirts etc. And if I saw something I thought they'd like and it was on special, I'd buy it.
Posted 06 January 2013 - 08:12 PM
15 when they can work, I would expect them to pay for most of their own 'wants'... Although at 13 I would expect them to chip in some birthday / Xmas money if they wanted super expensive sneakers. But at 10 for a pair of sandals she needed, that's just harsh
Posted 06 January 2013 - 08:14 PM
My DD is almost 10 and wanted a pair of high top sneakers, she has about 10 other pair of shoes so they are definitely a want not a need. I was not going to buy them. She had the option to 'earn' them through various jobs around the house and spent the next week folding and putting away washing (I hate doing this) and she very quickly accumulated enough to add to other money she had saved. We went shopping where she discovered that she now has to buy adult converse so the price went up. I was happy to pay the difference but she decided to wait and has now bought a pair from Kmart for $12. If she gets lots of use out of them, I will be happy to replace when needed
Today she got new basketball shoes, these are definitely a need so I paid for them
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