Jump to content

experiences with sleep "training" for toddler who wakes at night?


  • Please log in to reply
9 replies to this topic

#1 tenar

Posted 06 January 2013 - 06:58 AM


Has anyone sought the help of a sleep expert to help with a toddler who settles readily in the evening, but when waking in the night wants to breastfeed to get back to sleep?  

DD2 wakes and wants milk.  She cries, escalating to a scream, if I don't feed her (can be as often as hourly all night).  We have co-slept up until recently (and still often do), but lately we have been trying putting her in her cot and DH resettling her at night.  This is working, kinda, but it involves her crying while he rocks or soothes her and since her crying is loud, this is waking our neighbour (see my thread in venting about the joys of having a neighbour screaming at us at 4am).

I thought that sleep training was mostly about setting, rather than resettling, and since DD2 settles very easily in the evening and for her naps, I figured that they wouldn't have much to offer us.  Is it worth us seeking help for this resettling-without-milk business?  

I think that part of it is a question of teaching her that she really doesn't need the milk all night and part of it is dealing with her increasing levels of toddler-defiance about it as best we can.

#2 axiomae

Posted 06 January 2013 - 07:05 AM

I don't have a toddler but have just finished reading Sheyne Rowley's Dream Baby Guide which is about sleep and all the issues that can lead to poor sleep such as communication, nutrition, play etc and I have to say it was so comprehensive, a massive read but it really helped me with establishing some kind of a routine with my DD

She suggests night weaning after 6 months (which is a little early IMHO) if you are trying to break a feed to sleep, resettle association. She basically does a form of controlled settling/resettling, which involves interpreting cries and responding to distress but not to protest, which I'm sure you know all about. I found it interesting because it deals with resettling more than other sleep books I've read - having a specific routine so that you don't confuse your LO and they know what is expected at them of certain times.



#3 tenar

Posted 06 January 2013 - 07:09 AM

QUOTE (axiomae @ 06/01/2013, 08:05 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
She suggests night weaning after 6 months (which is a little early IMHO) if you are trying to break a feed to sleep, resettle association. She basically does a form of controlled settling/resettling, which involves interpreting cries and responding to distress but not to protest, which I'm sure you know all about. I found it interesting because it deals with resettling more than other sleep books I've read - having a specific routine so that you don't confuse your LO and they know what is expected at them of certain times.


Does she have a suggestion for night weaning at 18 months when the toddler is aware enough to be angry about it?  Toddlers are rather different to babies in quite a few ways (as I'm sure you'll find out in due course), and they require different approaches.

#4 Neko NoNo

Posted 06 January 2013 - 07:17 AM

what state are you in? most of the sleep schools (if not all) have hotlines that you can call for help and coaching. They could give you some ideas and you can get a feel for how they are run so you can see if you agree with their methods. I was very suspicious of sleep school, but I was desperate (at only 11 months- I don't know how you are doing this still at 16!). Worked wonders for me and was nowhere near as bad as I had been led to believe by the EB PP brigade.

there were people at my sleep school with kids of all ages. One was 4 and was there for sleep and feeding issues, so it's not too late.

#5 melaine

Posted 06 January 2013 - 07:24 AM

I think this is a fairly common problem so sleep school nigt have some ideas. I found even just doing the triage phone call with them have me some ideas to help.



#6 axiomae

Posted 06 January 2013 - 07:28 AM

There is a section on resettling a toddler up to 15 months - so close! it says give your LO space to self settle and only go into the room when you feel your LO needs assistance. Lay them down calmly and lovingly and say your sleep cues in a gentle voice while stroking or patting your LO for comfort, particularly if they are angry. When they are calm and lying down and you have finished your cues, leave the room, don't worry if they get up again as it shouldn't be something they learn gets attention. Repeat until asleep.

The sleep cues are words and phrases that you develop in your settling routine that you sing to your LO when initially settling. Apparently using the same cues won't confuse them because they already know what is expected when they hear those cues.

They best thing about this book though is that it is 700+ pages and only the last few chapters are about the sleep and routine specifically. Most of the book deals with things like consistent communication and nutrition that can affect night sleep. She thinks that imbalances in the day affect the night, and I have to say it has helped with my DD. I put her on the day routine and within a week she was STTN, without me doing anything at all. I was prepared to feed her overnight as she's still 7 months, but I haven't needed to. Probably different with a toddler though.

#7 Corella

Posted 06 January 2013 - 07:54 AM

We used Jay Gordon's approach to night weaning and it worked well. I don't see the point in changing from a gorgeous relationship to one where your child cries themself to sleep - at the age where she is aware as you say, she's also going to be aware of you abandoning her to cry, which is what some sleep schools suggest. That said - a book on nighttime parenting might give you some ideas.
What happens when she wakes? Do you get up to her, or lights on, or a bit of muttering, or what? Telling a toddler that boobs are sleeping and being consistent with no more is what worked for us. As did continuing to co-sleep but just me and her, and DH continuing to get sleep. With the last feed of the day - which was the last one she gave up, just at Christmas gone - was that I counted down and then she came off, rolled over and went to sleep.
What does she eat during the day? I find that feeding her a big breakfast, a good lunch and a small dinner helps her sleep better. Miss breakfast, only have snacks for lunch, or an upset dinner and she doesn't sleep as well.
Now to get her to not take an hour to *go* to sleep.

#8 Marchioness Flea

Posted 06 January 2013 - 08:12 AM

I night weaned my DD at 17 months. I talked to her for a few days beforehand that she was a big girl now and didn't need milk at night and the feed before bed(in the dark, soft music playing) was the last feed till morning.

Then if she woke at night, I offered water in a sippy cup. I still picked her up for a cuddle in the early days as part of the feed is comfort as well. Then I gradually stopped picking her up, but kept offering the water. I also kept the cup in the top part of the bed where she could reach it...but she never has lol. She still wakes for me to give it to her I[m sure. It does make it easy to find in the darker room though. Also, having my husband go in a fair bit helped her get over the need to feed at night.

#9 red_squirrel

Posted 06 January 2013 - 11:00 AM

All of the above methods are great for getting rid of the night feed however they have one problem in common.
There will be much crying as your daughter fights giving up the overnight feed. It normally continues for up to a week.
This is why sleep school is so good. All the crying happens in another location and not at your house. By the time you come home you have a baby/child that sleeps through the night.

#10 Guest_Sunnycat_*

Posted 06 January 2013 - 11:17 AM

OP my have my sympathies, I have a frequent waker, who likes to be attached to me all night. This morning from 5-8am he was attached and every time I tried to unlatch him he just latched himself back on.

My DS is almost 15 months old and wakes probably every 2 hours. If he does a 3 hour stretch its a miracle. He always wants boob to go back to sleep.

I have tried many times to wean him. I have let him cry (me there to pat, rub, soothe, talk to) and he screams hysterically to the point of choking for over an hour and a half. He did fall asleep eventually, only to wake up 40 minutes later and then he screamed fr another hour. Repeat all night. No improvement over a week, just a moody, depressed, clingy child for the next month that takes us ages to recover from.

I offer water, tried cuddling, rocking, patting everything else other than feeding back to sleep but he doesnt want a bar of it.

I don't know what the answer is, people keep saying that it's about consistency, but it hasn't worked for us. People assume I must not be trying hard enough because it hasn't worked for us.

If I had the money I'd hire a sleep specialist to come out to my house and help me.

If you can afford it OP maybe give sleep school a try or a sleep specialist?

Good luck.

Edited by Sunnycat, 06 January 2013 - 11:18 AM.





1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Win a copy of 'Breakfast, School Run, Chemo'

To celebrate the launch of EB member and contributor Julia's Watson's first book, we have five copies of Breakfast, School Run, Chemo give away.

Electronic tags may keep newborns safe

The possibility of using electronic bracelets for mothers and their newborn babies is being investigated by Adelaide's Women's and Children's Hospital. 

Baby steps: when your little one starts walking

As a parent there are so many milestones to look forward to. That first smile, first word - and, of course, that first step.

Julia Watson's new book 'Breakfast, School Run, Chemo'

Tomorrow my friend Julia launches her first book. And while we're all overjoyed, the success is tinged with sadness. You see, Julia has stage 4 bowel cancer.

How not to name twins

Call me boring, but I don't think that when it comes to choosing my twins' names is the right time to use a good pun.

Fun Sunny Life pool inflatables just for babies

The babies of 2015 will thus be thrilled to paddle their happy baby legs in these brand new flamingo and swan baby inflatables.

Breastfeeding basics for beginners

Here are 10 tips to help make breastfeeding successful and stress free for both you and your baby as quickly as possible.

Girl smothers baby brother with peanut butter

This mum had a big clean up job on her hands.

How to hide those under eye shadows

Pandas are the only ones who benefit from under-eye shadows. If you're not fluffy and cute, you'll just look tired.

Young mum dies after being denied pap smear

A mother has died after she was denied a pap smear because she was deemed "too young" to need it.

Birthday cakes banned at childcare centre

A childcare centre in Sydney has banned birthday cakes after parent complaints about excessive sugar and children with allergies being left out.

Triplet surprise for newlyweds

As the radiographer moved the wand over her abdomen, Shelley King got the surprise of her life.

3 yummy Thermomix baby and toddler recipes

Louise Fulton Keats shares her recipes for babies and toddlers, including corn and sweet pikelets, pumpkin and pea risotto, and cheesy bunny biscuits.

Man arrested over toddler Nikki's death

A 31-year-old man has been arrested over the death of two-year-old Nikki Francis-Coslovich in Mildura.

Adoption ban on pregnant women to be lifted

Pregnant women will no longer be barred from adoption waiting lists in NSW, after the Baird Government decided the practice was discriminatory.

Are you getting enough magnesium?

Magnesium is the fourth most abundant mineral in the body, but we don't talk enough about it and the vital role it plays in great health and energy, as well as disease prevention.

5 workplace lessons for new parents

Take heart in these principles that will transfer seamlessly from the workplace into your new life as a parent.

Mums to follow on Instagram

A creative outlet for many, there are some savvy women complementing their blogs and businesses with riveting Instagrams feeds. We've chosen a few which have bucketloads of appeal; there are some big time players and some smaller local ones, and they each bring their special brand of magic to the Instagram experience.

Review: The Volvo 2015 XC90 SUV has all the safety features your family needs

The new Volvo XC90 SUV's focus on keeping you safe does not come at the expense of comfort in the XC90.

Kim Kardashian reveals she may have hysterectomy

Kim Kardashian has revealed complications during pregnancy means she might have to have a hysterectomy after the birth of her second child.

Why late night snacks wreak havoc on weight loss

 Loath as you may be to admit it, chances are that at some point you have found yourself in the kitchen late at night, devouring food.

Toddler twins pretend to be asleep to fool mum

They say twins have a unique connection. If this cute clip is anything to go by, these toddler sisters like to use their special bond to try to fool their mother.

Dad bags: 10 picks for out and about

Getting out of the house is a big priority in the early years of parenthood and you need to take a well-stocked kit with you. We've chosen 10 of the best nappy bags sure to appeal to dads in style and function.

Win a Mountain Buggy Swift

To celebrate Essential Baby reaching half a million Facebook fans, we have a Mountain Buggy Swift to giveaway to a lucky fan.

Get your FREE Baby & Toddler Show ticket!

Get your free ticket to the Sydney Essential Baby & Toddler Show for September 25-27 - register online now.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Dads who do their share have more sex: study

For women trying to encourage their partners to take more interest in fatherhood, it could be the ultimate incentive.

Think you might have IBS, coeliac disease or Crohn's?

Conditions affecting the gastrointestinal tract are common in modern humans, and many are on the rise - including irritable bowel syndrome (IBS), inflammatory bowel disease (IBD) and coeliac disease.

Couple poses for newborn shoot with adorable puppy

Tired of being asked about their baby-making plans, Australian couple Matt and Abby decided to give a creative answer.

The exercises you know you should be doing (but probably aren't)

I bet your to-do list today is long. But somewhere on that massive list, are you making time for your pelvic floor?

This baby really loves the family cat

Some babies get excited when mum or dad come to get them from their cot after a nap.

Designer kids clothing good enough to eat by Oeuf

Even if you aren't heading to the Northern hemisphere in the next six months, you can't help but love the amazing food-themed knits for babies and kids by cult kids brand Oeuf.

Early exposure to peanuts recommended for allergy prevention

A paediatricians' group is recommending that infants at high risk of peanut allergies be given foods containing peanuts before they turn one.

Home brand foods contain less salt than pricier rivals

Supermarket home brand foods, long derided as cheap and inferior, contain far lower levels of salt than pricier, branded rivals, new research shows.

Nannies for hire, wherever you're flying

Ever dreaded the prospect of a long flight, dreaming about how wonderful it would be for a nanny to entertain the kids?

Couple poses for newborn shoot with adorable puppy

Tired of being asked about their baby-making plans, Australian couple Matt and Abby decided to give a creative answer: with an unusual photo shoot with their 'baby', a groodle (poodle/golden retriever cross) named Humphrey. The talented Elisha from Elisha Minnette Photography caught all the precious shots.

Is it okay to name your baby with a sense of humour?

My husband was sure that Danger was a good option for a boy. And as the pregnancy progressed, it actually started to sound really good.

Woman gives birth after having her own mother's uterus transplanted

In a world first, a healthy baby has been born from the same womb that nurtured his own mother.

So hot right now: double-barrelled baby names on the rise

It's one way to make your baby stand out from the pack – giving them not one, but two first names.

Second time around: is it really better the devil you know?

When I fell pregnant with my second child I was, naturally, very excited. Then it all started to come back to me - and I freaked.

Shopping with kids: breaking the pester-power cycle

You're out shopping with your little one and they're incessantly whining that they want a treat. It's easy to say no ... the first time, at least.

How did we have babies before apps came along?

Three months ago, my wife, Chrysta, and I were driving along Melrose Avenue in Los Angeles when she let out a harrowing cry.

When your toddler disagrees

There comes a time when your child starts having different views to you. I didn't realise that time would come so soon.

Win a Pacapod this Father's Day

To celebrate dads and families, we are giving away a Picos Pack from Pacapod Australia filled with a few extra goodies ENTER NOW

 

FREE TICKET

Discover the magic of the LEGOŽ DUPLOŽ Play Area in Sydney

Get your free ticket to The Essential Baby & Toddler Show and save $20 - register online now!

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.