Jump to content

Taking off the wedding ring...when?


  • Please log in to reply
66 replies to this topic

#1 Guest_3Keiki_*

Posted 05 January 2013 - 08:58 PM

So I have been stewing about this since the 27th, I went to a christmas function in Sydney - very la di dah, with lots of la di dah folks. I had a good time. The next day my friend who invited me called to have a go about still wearing me wedding ring. Apparently as it has been well over a year since DH passed I need to lose the ring and 'move on' and she was wanting to set me up with available men but my wedder was sending the wrong message. I did get asked out at the party. Apparently she made it clear to at least one man I was a widow and I declined. I don't feel ready. I still feel married. I still want to be married, preferably to the wonderful man I married many years ago.... but I am conflicted.
Am I hanging on for the sake of hanging on?
I don't want to date, as a matter of fact after the party it suddenly hit me that there is the vaguest possibility I could have sex again. I had a panic attack at the thought of it. So not ready for any of that nonsense... but the wedder.... when should it go?

#2 erindiv

Posted 05 January 2013 - 09:01 PM

It's up to you and don't let anyone tell you when it 'should' come off.

#3 SCARFACE CLAW

Posted 05 January 2013 - 09:04 PM

Only when you feel ready to, and your friend is out of line pressuring you to take it off and start dating sad.gif  I wouldn't consider a year very long to "get over" your husband dying. Do what feels right, keep the ring on if it gives you some comfort and tell your friend to pull her head in.

#4 MrsLexiK

Posted 05 January 2013 - 09:05 PM

When you are ready. I am sorry your friend is a twit! I know someone who still wears hers, sometime in the last 6 months they have gone onto her other fingers but they are still there. Her husband passed away about 4 years ago and she has dated and been in a relationship with someone but it didn't mean she didn't want the rings still on.

#5 MummyIHK

Posted 05 January 2013 - 09:05 PM

I'm shocked that anyone would feel that they have a right to comment on you wearing a ring that your DH gave you as a token of his love.  You wear it for as long as you want to, don't worry for even 1 millisecond what anyone else thinks/says.

#6 TinyTeddys

Posted 05 January 2013 - 09:05 PM

Sounds like your not ready...don't let anyone rush you, do it in your own time when it feels right for you.

#7 jojonbeanie

Posted 05 January 2013 - 09:05 PM

What should go is the interfering by your friend. Tell her to mind her own bees wax and keep your ring on for as long as you like.

#8 I'msoMerry

Posted 05 January 2013 - 09:06 PM

When you are ready and not before!!

There are no rules. Who has the right to make them?

Live your life the way you want. I wore my wedding ring for over a year after my exH left because I didnt want my marriage over.

Why on earth should you move on because someone else says you should? Most counsellors say it takes at least two years to get over a real love.

#9 CallMeFeral

Posted 05 January 2013 - 09:09 PM

It goes whenever you're ready for it to. Whether that's tomorrow, or never, or anything in between, is fine.

#10 la di dah

Posted 05 January 2013 - 09:09 PM

I think your friend is out of line.

There might come a time when you don't want to wear it anymore but only keep it safe somewhere, or you might want to wear it every day but on your right hand, to keep it close but not say "married" the same way. But you don't have to rush those feelings and you're not wrong to not feel them.

I think having your feelings is at least as valid as her wanting to set you up with people.

She's probably trying to help and doing it from a well-meaning place but you don't have to be cool with it. I'd tell her to step off.

#11 jayskette

Posted 05 January 2013 - 09:09 PM

This is not stopping you from making friends (of either sex)!

#12 Beth E

Posted 05 January 2013 - 09:12 PM

You will know when you feel ready.

I lost my first DH in 1997, and I wore my wedding ring for well over a year, and then after that I wore it on a chain around my neck.

I had people ask me about it too - like "why are you still wearing it?".  Annoying I know, but you just have to stand your ground and do it when you feel right about it.

You will know when.

And so sorry for your loss..  x


#13 ELKO

Posted 05 January 2013 - 09:14 PM

When YOU are ready.  My MIL husband passed away 35 years ago and she still wears hers as she is just not interested in another relationship and I guess has never felt ready. My mother stopped wearing hers about 2 years after my step father died as she was feeling like she was ready to move on.

Don't let anyone tell you it's time, you make that decision for yourself.

#14 bandbub

Posted 05 January 2013 - 09:18 PM

as pp have said when ever you feel ready   my dad passed away 22 years ago and my mum still wears his wedding band and she has also remarried my step father respects this



#15 MintyBiscuit

Posted 05 January 2013 - 09:19 PM

Your friend is way out of line. My FIL is still wearing his ring, and my MIL passed a little over two years ago. My mum wore her ring for ages after Dad died, then one day just stopped - she wasn't sure why, it just felt ok not to wear it anymore.

I don't think a year sounds like long at all to be honest. That first year after a death is so hard, with the initial shock of grief and then all those firsts without your loved one. The subsequent year for me had always been the time of coming to terms with the new normal. I'm amazed your friend could be so rude - please don't let her or anyone else dictate how you grieve.

#16 peckingbird

Posted 05 January 2013 - 09:21 PM

My FIL died 20 years ago when my DH was only 12 years old, and my MIL still wears her wedding ring.  In her view, they are still husband and wife, even though he is not here in body, she believes he is with her always in spirit. I find this lovely.

It is totally up to you to make this decision, don't be pressured by anyone. They have not been through what you have been through.

Sorry for your loss.

#17 Guest_3Keiki_*

Posted 05 January 2013 - 09:21 PM

Thanks everyone...
I know she is coming from a place of love, she sort of thinks setting up the farm is the beginning of some kind of seculsion for me. Mind you she is the sort of person who thinks county australia is Bowral if you know what I mean.
But I am not ready, so not ready I can not actually imagine a time when I am.... thats what you get for being in love eh?

#18 Acidulous Osprey

Posted 05 January 2013 - 09:24 PM

Your friend needs a good kick in the chops.  A year is no time at all to grieve a partner.



#19 Propaganda

Posted 05 January 2013 - 09:30 PM

I thought you were going to say since you divorced... in which case I would agree that's weird. But you didn't divorce... this is totally different.

What a rude and insensitive thing for that person to say to you. You do it when you're ready... IF you're ever ready.

#20 Mumma Mash

Posted 05 January 2013 - 09:37 PM

I don't think you can put a time on these things can you? If it were me, I personally would never take them off. That would be very hard.
I think you do things in youre own time and when you're ready. A year is too soon in my eyes.

#21 Mumma_G

Posted 05 January 2013 - 09:42 PM

When you and only you are ready to do so ... IF you ever are!

#22 cinnabubble

Posted 05 January 2013 - 09:44 PM

QUOTE
Mind you she is the sort of person who thinks county australia is Bowral if you know what I mean.

That's not country. It's outback.

Tell your friend you have no interest in dating for her convenience.

#23 Chchgirl

Posted 05 January 2013 - 09:45 PM

QUOTE (3Keiki @ 05/01/2013, 09:58 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
So I have been stewing about this since the 27th, I went to a christmas function in Sydney - very la di dah, with lots of la di dah folks. I had a good time. The next day my friend who invited me called to have a go about still wearing me wedding ring. Apparently as it has been well over a year since DH passed I need to lose the ring and 'move on' and she was wanting to set me up with available men but my wedder was sending the wrong message. I did get asked out at the party. Apparently she made it clear to at least one man I was a widow and I declined. I don't feel ready. I still feel married. I still want to be married, preferably to the wonderful man I married many years ago.... but I am conflicted.
Am I hanging on for the sake of hanging on?
I don't want to date, as a matter of fact after the party it suddenly hit me that there is the vaguest possibility I could have sex again. I had a panic attack at the thought of it. So not ready for any of that nonsense... but the wedder.... when should it go?


No, you don't have to lose the ring and quite frankly it's nobodies business! My dh has been gone 6 months and in my opinion nobody can understand unless they have been through the same. Some days I wear mine and some I don't.

I have no interest in dating nor marrying again, more for the fact I don't want to share my things nor do I want someone moving in and then taking half of my children's house and what we had worked so hard for for over 20 years..I am happy to date someone who has no interest in moving in or getting married..

Wear it and don't let anyone pressure you into dating when you are not ready. I know of people in the same boat who don't do so for years!


Edited by Chchgirl, 05 January 2013 - 09:49 PM.


#24 Chchgirl

Posted 05 January 2013 - 09:47 PM

QUOTE (3Keiki @ 05/01/2013, 10:21 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Thanks everyone...
I know she is coming from a place of love, she sort of thinks setting up the farm is the beginning of some kind of seculsion for me. Mind you she is the sort of person who thinks county australia is Bowral if you know what I mean.
But I am not ready, so not ready I can not actually imagine a time when I am.... thats what you get for being in love eh?


I don't see the problem, I like seclusion!

#25 Feral Grey Mare

Posted 05 January 2013 - 09:49 PM

QUOTE (Balzac @ 05/01/2013, 10:24 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Your friend needs a good kick in the chops.  A year is no time at all to grieve a partner.


Not so much a kick in the chops but a hug for wanting you to be happy with a new partner. Tell her 'thanks for your concern but I'm fine as I am right now".




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Tell us what you think

to WIN 1 of 2 $500 Coles/Myer gift cards

Dealing with a toddler's morning tantrums

Your schedule is not important to your two-year-old, and you cannot convince her otherwise. So what can you do?

Child in suitcase 'could have died eight years ago'

A child whose remains were dumped in a suitcase in the South Australian bush is believed to have been a girl aged between two-and-a-half to four.

MP breastfeeds baby during parliamentary session

An Argentinian mum and politician has caused a stir on social media after being filmed breastfeeding her baby.

My baby's first seizure

It was 1am on a cold winter's night when I woke suddenly to the screams of my 12-month-old son. Our lives were about to change forever.

Portable pools 'more dangerous than permanent ones'

Inflatable and portable children's pools may be required to be sold with compulsory fencing to prevent backyard drownings, with some experts even floating the idea of a ban.

Heartbreaking moment mum kisses her one-week-old goodbye

At 11.07am on April 2 this year, Sarah Marriott welcomed baby Sebastian into the world.

The amazing Tee Pee bed and kid-friendly Frankie Bunk bed

These kids' beds definitely fit the brief of providing personality and personal space for little people who are moving up in the world.

The funny things kids say when you're pregnant

Since becoming noticeably pregnant, my son has taken more of an interest in the sibling he'll soon have.

The real problem with having one child

In this age of political correctness, it seems the one subject still subject to discrimination is that of the Only Child.

Six-week-old baby found dead, believed stabbed

A neighbour heard a child screaming before a baby was found dead, believed to have been stabbed, in a house in Newcastle.

The fire hazard in more than 70,000 Australian homes

So far, 206 Samsung washing machines have caught fire and some have exploded. But many remain in people's homes.

How having a baby can bring on OCD

We all know that having a baby can turn your life upside down - and it can also bring a raft of new anxieties and worries.

IVF gender selection being considered for Australian parents

Couples using IVF may be able to choose the gender of their babies and women could be financially compensated for donating their eggs.

The best age to get married (according to the latest study)

Not too young, and not too old. That's reportedly the best age to get married. Not everyone agrees.

Yes, you can get pregnant before your period returns post-baby

After giving birth, the last thing you want to think about is contraception. But you can get pregnant before your period comes back.

Fellow diner rewards mum after toddler's tantrum

Parents of toddlers everywhere know the feeling. After working up the courage to take your child out for lunch or dinner in public you are rewarded with a mid-meal meltdown. 

IKEA begins massive safety campaign after two toddler deaths

Two children were killed when pieces from their Malm furniture line tipped over.

Beaneasy: sweet nursery furniture with a twist

If you're looking to introduce an organic element into your baby's nursery but want to step away from natural timber, we have the perfect alternative.

A dad's guide to hyperemesis

I am in no way qualified to advise women on how to cope with hyperemesis, but I've learnt some lessons that might be worth sharing with other partners.

Woman adopts best friend's four daughters after cancer tragedy

Best friends share everything - and for these two life-long friends, that includes family.

Baby Leo's mum excluded from $500K trust 'for her own protection'

Samuel Forrest didn't want his wife as a trustee of their baby Leo's half million dollar trust for her own "protection", it has emerged.

Confirmed: men gain weight when they become dads

Men who become fathers experience weight gain and an increase in body mass index, a measurement of body fat based on height and weight, according to a new, large-scale study

Carer investigated over washing machine photo posted 'for a laugh'

She said the photo of a boy with Down syndrome in a washing machine was taken just for fun, but no one else was laughing.

Mum's premature labour nightmare after high tea salmonella outbreak

An opulent high tea at a luxury Melbourne hotel has left 44 people with salmonella poisoning - including a pregnant woman, who went into early labour.

The day my son started a fire

Would you know what to do in a fire emergency? How safe is your home and family?

Prince George celebrates second birthday

Prince George's second birthday has been marked by the release of an official picture showing the toddler smiling as he is held by his proud beaming father.

Which beauty treatments are safe in pregnancy?

Is it safe to use fake tan, hair dye and nail varnish during pregnancy?

The five ways I know my 'baby' is no longer a baby

The truth is, I can no longer deny that my walking, babbling, somewhat-independent little miss is no longer a bona fide 'baby'.

Review: Cybex Platinum PRIAM pram

I'm not usually one who believes in love at first sight but that's exactly what happened when I first saw the Cybex PRIAM.

Get your FREE Baby & Toddler Show ticket!

Get your free ticket to the Sydney Essential Baby & Toddler Show for September 25-27 - register online now.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Tell us what you think

to WIN 1 of 2 $500 Coles/Myer gift cards

Why I'm choosing to be a single mother right from the start

I believe that you get out of families what you put into them, and I will give mine my all.

Mother and baby units are a necessity for mental health, not a luxury

I have had two postnatal psychotic episodes. The first when my eldest child was six weeks old, and another after my second child was born.

30 French baby names

French names are always in fashion, but a few have risen in popularity in recent years.

New mum's Spanish maternity nightmare

A British woman who gave birth in Spain has told of her ordeal after spending weeks trying to convince medics the baby girl was hers.

Preparing Rover to be a good dog with baby

Some friends of ours say that it's dangerous to have a dog around a newborn and that we should start looking for a new home for him. Is it?

Company offers to ship working mums' breast milk home

First Apple and Facebook announced they would pay $20,000 towards the cost of their female employees freezing their eggs, now IBM in the US has come up with an innovative new policy aimed at retaining female employees.

Prince William speaks of his pride at wife Kate and 'little joy of heaven' Charlotte

The Duke of Cambridge opened up about family life and his plans for the future in an interview to mark his first day as an air ambulance pilot.

'Glowing' eye saves baby Mason's life

A simple photo taken in front of an evening fire gave new mother Sarah Bowers the power to save her baby's life. 

Parenting and decision overload

Of all the advice people told me before having a baby, no one warned me about the amount of decisions involved.

Proof that toddlers can't be left unsupervised - ever

Parents of toddlers all know the moment when realise your child is being suspiciously quiet. It can only mean one thing - trouble!

Meet Jeremy Ryan, The Voice contestant with seven kids

If you have trouble recalling the ages of Jeremy Ryan's seven children on The Voice, you're not alone. So does he.

Baby's adorable reaction to wearing glasses for the first time

Getting glasses can be a formative moment in a person's life.

Police officer buys supplies for family after mum of six caught shoplifting

When a mum of six was caught shoplifting nappies, clothes and shoes for her kids, the last thing she expected was for a stranger to pay for her haul.

Why pregnant women on antidepressants shouldn’t panic about birth defect claims

The risk of having uncontrolled depression is far greater than the small increased risk of birth defects that may be associated with specific antidepressants.

Arrests made over children's birthday party brawl

Police have raided properties and arrested a number of people over a brawl at a child's birthday party at a play centre in Sydney's west.

Family shares awesome drone baby announcement

Looking for a creative way to share some big news? Look to the skies, like this family did.

Young warrior Owen defies doctors' predictions

Little Owen DiCandilo's name means "young warrior", and it's a description that perfectly fits the inspiring 18-month-old

Advice for dads: when to approach your wife for sex

The exhaustion that comes with caring for young children often means romance between parents becomes a thing of the past.

I might be fat, but I don't need saving

I've been fat for pretty much most of life, besides a few crazy moments of being less-fat, but for the most part I've existed on this earth with a little more meat on my bones than desirable.

The rookie mistakes we make as parents

Since the dawn of civilisation, generation after generation of new parents have had to rely on instinct, trial and error - and sometimes get it wrong.

 

FREE TICKET

See Pinky McKay live in Sydney

Get your free ticket to The Essential Baby & Toddler Show and save $20 - register online now!

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.