Jump to content

Bedtime battles
What to do


  • Please log in to reply
18 replies to this topic

#1 Missmarymack

Posted 05 January 2013 - 06:34 PM

Our 2 year old is seriously resisting sleep.  We read a set number of stories, sing a set number of songs and then it's time to sleep. The whole routine can take 20-30 mins depending on the stories. But lately she has started screaming at us that she doesn't want songs but more stories. We used to be able to tell her that we had read all the stories and now it was time for songs but now she gets hysterical. We've tried negotiating -  eg it's songs or you go into your bed for sleep (done calmly), and while this also worked for a while, now she completely loses it. We've even tried walkin out for a couple o minutes to see if she would calm without us there, but she screams for us to come back but then continues to scream at us when we are in the room.

It is seriously starting to ware us down. We have always done everything gently so I'm not interested in CIO/CC methods but I have no idea what to do now.
Please help me before I lose my mind sad.gif

#2 Feral Nelly

Posted 05 January 2013 - 07:00 PM

I'm feeling your pain Missmarymack!
I'm currently camped outside my little girl's room so that I can stick my head in the door and tell her the mummy is here but it's time to go to sleep.
Our clever little minx will try anything to stall bedtime - more stories, I'm hungry, where's daddy? Need to do a wee (not that she is even TTing).
We used to lie down with her but found that she just wants to play with us so we've had to change our routine to stories, lie down and tuck in, say goodnight and leave the room. I stand near the door and reassure her that mummy is here. If I need to, I go back in and repeat the tuck and kiss, tell her mummy is just outside the door and that she needs to go to sleep. I don't let her cry herself to sleep and am not interested in CC or CIO methods.
It is a work in progress.

#3 Pssst...

Posted 05 January 2013 - 07:15 PM

How do you feel about letting her take a book to bed? You could keep the routine the same as always. But when she asks for more stories then say, 'no, we've read our X stories, it's time for songs. When the songs are finished you can choose a book to take into bed with you'

If she's showing less interest in the songs i'd also be tempted to drop them from the routine. Maybe less fussing over bedtime in general will keep things calmer?

DD1 is sometimes happy with none of her full routine as long as she takes a book to bed. She's usually asleep well before her room is fully dark anyway. Just be sure to only offer board books that can't be torn, or any books that aren't 'precious'

Anyway, just a suggestion original.gif


#4 belinda1976

Posted 05 January 2013 - 07:22 PM

If she doesn't want songs anymore I can't see the harm in having a couple more stories.  If that's all it is to keep the peace I'd just do that.

#5 Escapin

Posted 05 January 2013 - 07:34 PM

Things were getting out of hand with DD when she was about 18mo. Endless books, breastfeeds, wanting to leave the room, anything else she could think of. It wasn't suddenly like this, just happened gradually. And by the time this was regularly happening, she was REALLY difficult to put to bed.

So we pared it right back - 1 book, 1 feed and into bed. Took a few goes, but now it's working fine, and has been for a while. She's 20mo now.

If she won't go in her cot, we do the 30 seconds in the cot, 2 minutes of standing cuddle ('no darling, no more feeds, no more books, would you like to stand here and cuddle me or get back in your cot?), then back in the cot. Repeat as needed.

Oh, and the old 'I'm just going to go and do XX chore and then I'll come back and see how you're going' trick works too. She's usually asleep by the time I come back original.gif

#6 Marchioness Flea

Posted 05 January 2013 - 07:35 PM

Why MUST she have songs? How would you feel if you were made to sit and listen to jazz(my personal hate) or country or death metal, when all you wanted was another story?

I don't understand why you HAVE to do it in a certain way if she doesn't like it and it's turning into a battle.
Just offer the songs, then if she says no and wants more stories, then read one or 2 more stories instead.
Let her have a bit of control over her life and she'll be much happier!

#7 SMforshort

Posted 05 January 2013 - 07:35 PM

Would a pretty jar or box and say six balls / pegs help?  Three blue balls / pegs for stories and three red balls / pegs for songs.  

Each night you get the balls out of the jar and then she puts one in each time a book and song is finished.  This gives her a cue as to when the process will be complete.

SM

#8 Kay1

Posted 05 January 2013 - 07:43 PM

I always suggest the same thing in these threads but it worked a treat for us. We have a selection of stories on cd and when our kids were 2 we started using them. So stories, songs, cuddles etc and then if they've been VERY good they get to have a cd on (so its seen as a reward/desirable thing) then lights off, story on, quick kiss and out the door. We like the playschool ones and Giles Andreae ones particularly. The Giles Andreae ones have lovely music that sends them off to sleep. Its a good idea to read the book/listen to the cd BEFORE using it at bedtime or it could be a bit too exciting. Mine never ever got all the way to the end of the cd before falling asleep. They would practically shoo me out the door so they could have the cd on. Worth a try anyway.

#9 RunDMC

Posted 05 January 2013 - 08:11 PM

I agree with Pssst, try letting her read the last book herself, this has happened organically for us with DS wanting to read the last book to his monkey.  We leave the light on for 5 mins then turn it off, sometimes he is asleep before we get back there. He gets into trouble if he gets out of bed.
For the last 2 months, neither DH or I are allowed to sing anywhere! Even singing to ourselves to the car radio prompts a "no singing mummy" comment sad.gif Must be a phase.....of course I am an excellent singer wink.gif


#10 Maniacal_laugh

Posted 05 January 2013 - 08:22 PM

For our DD, a shorter number of stories works (max of 3). I tell her at the beginning how many she can have, and remind her constantly (one more after this, this is the last story etc). 20-30 min routine of stories and songs sounds a bit long to me.

Then, I'd pop her in bed/ cot and say time for bed - and ignore the whinging. Stay with her so she feels safe, but stick to the number of stories agreed.

Our DD responds really well to choices ("do you want to get back into bed yourself, or do you want mummy to help you?" "do you want one more story or one song?")

HTH, you have my sympathy! 20 months was the roughest time for us (so far) with DDs sleep.

#11 Missmarymack

Posted 06 January 2013 - 04:58 AM


Thankyou all for your replies. Firstly - we don't sing songs if she truly doesn't want them. We don't force her to listen to us sing for our own amusement. The asking for more stories is a stalling tactic as we've tried reading heaps (and I mean upwards of ten) and it still doesn't satisfy her. we give a set number and then count down, constantly letting her know how many stories/songs we have left. Usually after the hysterics of wanting more stories is over we then tend to get hysterics about wanting more songs.

QUOTE (tiggywinkle @ 05/01/2013, 09:22 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Then, I'd pop her in bed/ cot and say time for bed - and ignore the whinging. Stay with her so she feels safe, but stick to the number of stories agreed.

Our DD responds really well to choices ("do you want to get back into bed yourself, or do you want mummy to help you?" "do you want one more story or one song?")


We've tried giving her choices too and it definitely worked for a while but now she just screams no to everything (she also just told me that she didn't want a cake or a party for her birthday sad.gif ). I do like the idea of staying with her rather than walking out. Perhaps if we just sat quietly on her chair and kept reminding her that we will stay until she's calm?? Her tantrums at bedtime are so huge - jumping, hitting screaming - it's not just a bit of a whine, and she's usually such a lovely girl during the day.

Her bedtime doesn't seem to be the issue, she's no different if we try to put her down at 7:30 or 9pm.

Could it be an indication that the day sleep is coming to an end? It seems FAR too early for that.

Please tell me this is as bad as the terrible twos get?!  original.gif

#12 What'sNext??

Posted 06 January 2013 - 05:47 AM

What's happening with the baby when it's her bedtime?

It is a tricky time having a newborn and doing toddler bedtime.  My only advice is try to be consistent and give her lots of cuddles - her world has changed!  It will get better!

Good luck!

#13 Marchioness Flea

Posted 06 January 2013 - 07:43 AM

Ohhh, having read your update I see it's not the songs, it's a slightly different problem of her not wanting to go to bed and delaying it.

Best thing we've found, is do the bedtime routine of 3 stories(songs if she wants, though I think that stretches bedtime out too much) lights off, gro Clock on, into cot. One of us then sits with her in the dark(boring for me, I really need a tablet to browse EB on lol) while she settles down and hopefully goes to sleep.

It could be your DD is afraid of the dark, do you have a nightlight?

I'd get a bit tough and tell her You'll stay with her ONLY if she lies quietly in bed. If she starts standing up or yelling, walk out. Say something along the lines of"I said I'd stay if you were quiet, but you are being loud and yelling so I'm leaving the room until you're quiet again".  It might need to be repeated a few times till she gets it.



#14 winkywonkeydonkey

Posted 06 January 2013 - 08:00 AM

It could be the bedime routine is just too long?

Its a bath and ONE story here. then lights out and i lie with her for 5 minutes then say i will be back to check  on you (i have to feed the cat etc)
Sometimes i will read another book if she is having trouble falling asleep.

I do think 10 books is excessive and probably hypes her up? Also try getting her a nightlight and making sure she has a special toy to cuddle.

#15 Cat Burglar

Posted 08 January 2013 - 06:27 PM

I came in here to post a similar question but I realised the common factor here. My 22 month old DD is doing the same sort of thing and we have a newborn. In her case she started screaming hysterically when being put to bed from the day the baby came home, and had never done it before. I am going to try some of the things in this thread. I dont know if anything will help but we have to try something!

#16 Cat Burglar

Posted 08 January 2013 - 07:18 PM

QUOTE (Jenflea @ 06/01/2013, 08:43 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Best thing we've found, is do the bedtime routine of 3 stories(songs if she wants, though I think that stretches bedtime out too much) lights off, gro Clock on, into cot. One of us then sits with her in the dark(boring for me, I really need a tablet to browse EB on lol) while she settles down and hopefully goes to sleep.


How long do you find you have to wait before she drops off? We tried sitting in the dark with DD1 but no luck after 40 minutes or so, and we cant keep doing it every night since we have a refluxy newborn to take care of!  sad.gif

#17 Jjbeanz

Posted 08 January 2013 - 07:30 PM

It's such a difficult age, the only thing that has worked for my daughter is to say its bedtime when I see her tired signs ( around 7.30-8pm ) and give her the dummy and her bear and straight to bed then shut the door and occasionally she will have a little whinge but mostly I don't hear her so I think she falls asleep quite quickly. I found doing anything like reading or negotiating anything would just wind her up and she would be wide awake and come out of her room anywhere up to 10pm.

#18 Cat Burglar

Posted 09 January 2013 - 10:17 PM

We tried the special book but no luck last night.

Tonight we tried the CD and she was asleep in 5 minutes with minimal screaming. Thank you thank you thank you Cherry Ames!

Im not sure tomorrow night will be so easy as it also happened the baby was asleep at DD1s bedtime, I dont know whether the CD will work if baby is crying at the same time

#19 Cat Burglar

Posted 09 January 2013 - 10:21 PM

QUOTE (CherryAmes @ 06/01/2013, 08:51 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
My nearly 2yr old is also saying 'no' to everything at times. The other day she asked for something and before I even had time to reply started yelling 'no I don't want it!'


Yes! Same here. yyes.gif  Sometimes she says no to things she actually wants or likes, just so that she gets to assert her opinion.

And wanting to choose clothes, food etc. I try offering 2 choices or 3 choices and saying you can have one of these only, but she just wants to make her own choice and not have something Mums chosen for her. So weve gone to the playground in pajamas a couple of times recently  wwhistle.gif




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

The day my daughter almost drowned

We had six adults standing there, so I felt like I could relax a bit. After all, what could go wrong with so much supervision?

Sydney siege survivor names baby after victim Katrina Dawson

A Sydney barrister who survived the Lindt cafe siege has named her newborn daughter after her best friend who died in the tragedy.

Banishing bloat

How to avoid a bloated tummy

Here are some foods to eat in order to escape feeling ghastly and gassy.

The great new picture book for anxious kids

My son is a worrier by nature. I learnt long ago that it was completely pointless to say to him "Don't worry about it!".

Budget stripped more than $15b from families

The combined impact of the two budgets for low and middle income people was "devastating", new analysis by the Australian Council of Social Service shows.

Pregnant women urged to get flu shots

As the winter chill starts to arrive, NSW Health is urging pregnant women to get their flu shots.

65-year-old gives birth to quadruplets

A 65-year-old German woman, who already has 13 children, has given birth to quadruplets.

What you need to know about pregnancy and health insurance

It's not just waiting periods that couples need to consider - there are other factors to consider when thinking about health insurance.

Yummy mummy

Nicole Trunfio breastfeeds baby on Elle magazine cover

Australian model Nicole Trunfio has taken the concept of multitasking to a fashionable new level for Elle Australia.

Warnings after baby girl died while sleeping in bouncer

Parents have been warned about the dangers of letting babies sleep in bouncers and swings following the death of a three-month-old girl.

Coping with fatigue as a parent

Sleep deprivation is a real hazard of caring for a baby. But there are ways to manage the challenges of fatigue better.

A very 21st century issue: parents, parks and smart phones

It's not all the parents, and it's not all the time, but there is often at least one doing it. And sometimes, that 'one' is me.

Appliances

Faulty washing machines linked to house fires

More than 80,000 faulty Samsung washing machines pose a fire threat in homes throughout Australia despite a nationwide recall of the machines.

'I had a lotus birth and I loved it'

Lotus birthing is not all that common, but for a number of women it feels like the most natural thing to do.

7 things you might not know about postnatal depression

Despite its widespread nature, there is still a great amount of mystery surrounding PND - and it's important to try unravelling as much of that as we can.

Is your family's car part of the world's biggest safety recall?

More than 50 million vehicles recalled for potentially lethal airbag fault - is your car affected?

Why drinking water can be deadly for babies

H2O is one of the necessities of life, but for babies a seemingly harmless amount of water can be fatal.

Mother-in-law faceplants during proposal

He had it all planned: a romantic proposal on a windswept beach. The whole family would be there so they'd all be able to celebrate the joyous moment together.

A preschooler suddenly goes mute - and it's not just shyness

When our son stopped talking, our sense of loss was painful and acute.

The mums who ask for a 'wife bonus'

They run their homes like domestic CEOs and work tirelessly to improve their family's social standing. And now, according to a new book, they want an annual perk from their husbands.

Woman shares photo of dimple on breast to warn others of cancer risk

A widely-shared Facebook photograph of a British woman's breast has raised awareness of a more subtle breast cancer symptom.

Starting a family despite a low sperm count

"I'd never really failed a test - how could I fail this particularly manly test?"

It's official: we must better protect our kids from toxic lead exposure

New guidelines have been released, aimed at reducing children's harmful exposure to lead. But they still don't go far enough.

Trouble-shooting toddler social skills

Chances are your toddler's behaviour is all completely normal - but here's how to tackle some common social problems.

Helping your first-born welcome a sibling

We did sigh with joy at the arrival of a royal princess - but, mostly, we sighed with pity at the sight of Prince George being taken to meet her.

Farewell, daytime nap

I've been in denial and I'm not too proud to beg, but it appears I must accept the fact that you have gone. I need to let you go.

The identical triplets who are one in 50 million

The father of identical triplets born in a Texas hospital says his three daughters, including conjoined twins, are "a miracle" sent by God.

Seven questions you should be asking about your health cover

If the last time you assessed your health cover was five years ago, there?s a chance it may no longer suit your needs. To ensure it?s still right for your family, click here for seven questions to ask.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

How to use gas effectively in labour

Many women in labour don't use gas effectively and suffer more side effects than benefits. Here's how to get the most out of this pain relief option.

'He has gastro but that's okay, right?': sick kid etiquette

We cannot place all children who are sick in a bubble till they recover, but we can give other parents a choice about exposing their kids to them.

Ada Nicodemou: 'I can never be completely happy again'

Home and Away actress Ada Nicodemou has opened up about the loss of her stillborn baby.

10 things to consider when you're thinking about trying for a baby

Before you start tracking your menstrual cycle and reading up on the best positions to get pregnant, there are a few other things you may want to consider.

How special surgery and IVF can create a post-vasectomy baby

Cricket legend Glenn McGrath and his second wife Sara are expecting their first child together, thanks to IVF and a delicate surgical sperm retrieval process that helped the couple to conceive.

Belle Gibson's mother 'disgusted and embarrassed'

The mother of disgraced wellness blogger Belle Gibson has accused her daughter of lying about her childhood in an attempt to garner public sympathy.

Doctor's mobile phone 'left inside c-section mum'

A new mum claims a doctor left his mobile phone inside her after delivering her baby via caesarean section.

I'm a mum and I'm following my dreams

I want my kids to know that no matter what happens in life, you can still be who it is that you've always wanted to be.

Those first daycare days

I had this innate 'mum' moment the other day.

'If one person had listened, my life would have been so different'

Katherine's father will die in prison for the horrifying sexual abuse of his daughter. Yet she is the one with the true life sentence.

This new plan undermines breastfeeding and baby health at everyone's expense

Mothers, babies, the health system and the wider society are going to pay the price of this new budget.

Couple to celebrate terminally ill baby's birthday in unique way

Baby Jai Bishop has lived at Starship Hospital for the past seven months, with his parents flying back and forth from Hokitika, 1100km away, to be by his side.

Life On Mars

It's men who need 'retraining', not women

We are all responsible for our own behaviour. Telling victims to harden up is wrong.

Baby Gammy's dad tries to claim charity money

The biological father of baby Gammy has reportedly tried to access charity money raised for the little boy's medical costs.

Where are the childcare places?

It?s all very well to encourage women to work if they choose to, but how can the measures lead to increased workforce participation when women are once again left holding the baby?

The pain of not having babies and not knowing why

After seven years of wishing, hoping, crying, punching pillows and shouting "why me?!", the end result is more than I ever thought possible.

Getting your family finances in order

Whether you're after a new car for a growing family, a bigger house, or are just fixing up your finances, here are the basics on borrowing.

Mum shares graphic selfie to warn against tanning

A mum has shared a graphic photo of her skin cancer treatment as a warning to others.

Does parenthood make us happier?

We can certainly gain higher levels of happiness when we become parents, but the trick is to not get overwhelmed by the pressures of raising our kids.

No, having a dog is not like having a human child

It's obvious these people dote on their pets, but they're barking up the wrong tree.

 

Top baby names

Baby Names

The numbers are in and we can now bring you the 2014 top baby name list for Australia.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.