Jump to content
Need advice, do you give presents to people you don't ever see?
11 replies to this topic
Posted 05 January 2013 - 01:58 PM
Here's the basics..
My two children don't see their two cousins at all because my sister in law and I don't get along AT ALL. Up until now we have sent our kids birthday presents for birthdays and christmas through our mother in law. We have another lot of birthdays coming up and I was about to go and buy the presents for exchange BUT..
and I have said this before..
I just feel like it's silly to send presents and exchange them through my mother in law. That feels childish, but also that the sets of cousins don't even know each other. It's not about the money, I am happy to do it if it felt right, but it sort of doesn't.
Why are we sending presents to each others kids? Do they really care if they receive them from us or not? Does my SIL even give them to her kids? If I stopped doing it, she would keep sending. I know that.
My own kids are easy going, they are not fussed about presents.
So anyways, should I keep sending the presents? What would you do?
Posted 05 January 2013 - 02:04 PM
Nope, send a card if you must, but not gifts.
I doubt they'd care frankly.
Posted 05 January 2013 - 02:07 PM
I wouldn't send them anything but a card so that they know they are in my thoughts.
Posted 05 January 2013 - 02:10 PM
Keep sending the presents. It reminds your nieces and nephews that they have family "out there".
That said, I would be careful with what you choose for someone you don't know, as I really hate this idea of giving things to people that they don't value. (I, myself, would rather receive nothing. It is a waste and, contrary to being a "nice thought", can be more about creating a sense of satisfaction for the giver, and can underline the fact that the giver doesn't really know/think about/care about/listen to the receiver.) Either your MIL can be trusted to guide you towards suitable gifts, or you should choose something fairly "safe" (perhaps even the sometimes-controversial voucher, especially for teens and tweens).
But ultimately, if there is no other contact, I think it's important to maintain something between the kids and Christmas gifts may be where you can do that, in practice.
ETA: I think it needs to be more than cards. I get cards from the bloke who organised my home loan eight years ago. I hope you would want to communicate that you are willing to go to some sort of trouble for them, despite the differences between yourself and SIL.
Edited by beabea, 05 January 2013 - 02:14 PM.
Posted 05 January 2013 - 02:18 PM
My brother and I are no longer on speaking terms, we don't exchange gifts for the kids, can't see the point.
Posted 05 January 2013 - 02:28 PM
I buy iTunes gift cards for the 2 sons of my husbands sisters kids (by marriage) they are 16 & 19 - I've met them once more than 5 years ago....... I have just sent my SIL flowers for her birthday yesterday though she wouldn't know when my birthday was - she is my husbands little (only sibling) sister so I do it for him not her.
I receive Christmas & birthday day presents from them (SIL & her husband) for our daughter though most aren't age appropriate (mosaic glass craft set - very beautiful) for an almost 4 year old - I'm still waiting for her to grow into the dressing gown & slippers sent 3 Christmas's ago. It's hard - I don't want to rock the boat so I buy, post and send a smile All I can do - families are hard work.
Posted 05 January 2013 - 02:34 PM
I find it so fake. And I can't stand that.
I would send a message through MIL that it just makes sense to stop the presents as it's pointless.
Do a card if you must but if there is no relationship and your kids don't even know their cousins, it really is meaningless.
Posted 05 January 2013 - 03:08 PM
I have an uncle and aunt who is estranged from the family. I can safely say that not receiving any gifts from him has not caused any trauma or even the slightest bit of upset.
The whole point about gift giving is to express affection. If non exists, why bother with gifts? I assure you the kids won't be "missing out" on anything significant just because the aunt they never speak to or hear about stops giving them presents.
Posted 05 January 2013 - 03:18 PM
My brother made a choice to stop visiting me in April this year.
To me that means he has chosen to stop seeing his nieces also. So they haven't seen or heard from him for months and months.
He passed Christmas gifts along via my dad. I haven't even passed them onto my girls. If he cant make any effort to see them or maintain a relationship he doesn't get to play generous gift giving uncle at Christmas.
Posted 05 January 2013 - 03:39 PM
Same situation we do not see dh's side of the family we don't send cards or gifts. Seems silly to as we have no contact with them at all.
Edited by FloralArrangement, 05 January 2013 - 03:39 PM.
1 user(s) are reading this topic
0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users
The Essential Baby & Toddler Show is back this April! Save $8 off the door price for a limited time only!
The fact that I not only breastfed my son, but breastfed him for three and a half years, seems pretty incredible in retrospect.
Do babies and young children see ghosts? If you’ve pondered the question, you’re not alone.
"Life has a funny way of giving you what you need when you need it the most."
A mum has found herself the subject of debate after claiming tight bottoms cause lustful thoughts in men.
The problem with goal setting as a parent is the measure. How do we really know if we’re succeeding?
When you're expecting, it often seems like everyone is keen to offer advice about what you should and shouldn't do in the interests of your health and wellbeing.
Sydney's Royal Prince Alfred Hospital (RPA) is trying to contact women who had babies at the facility after discovering a fault in a refrigerator containing vaccines.
A French court has blocked parents from naming their baby girl after the hazelnut spread Nutella, arguing it would make her the target of mockery.
I’ve grown three human beings. I feed them, dress them, teach them, care for them and love them 24 hours a day. Yet for eight years, when I meet new people and they’ve asked me what I do, I tell them: “I’m just a mum”.
One year ago, Rosie Batty could not have imagined she'd be where she is. Tonight the grieving mum who put domestic violence on the national agenda was named Australian of the Year.
Hugging – some of us thrive on it, even depend on it – and then there are those who don't care for it really. So, are they missing out?
My daughter never went through the "terrible twos" but began throwing wild tantrums shortly after her third birthday.
"She smells so good, I could eat her," Kruger tells co-host David Campbell.
A mum who partly delivered her own twins during a caesarean has encouraged other women to take control of their birthing experience.
Regression can be a natural and common part of development prompted by a variety of factors, but that doesn't make it less frustrating.
When buying a second hand pram, there are lots of things to take into consideration.
Discovering you are about to father a baby is startling enough - never mind finding out you have a 61-year-old son.
Ranging from mild to feral and triggered by events both minor and major, tantrums certainly keep life interesting.
While managing labour pains on your own can be daunting, there are a number of natural pain relief options to help you cope until you are admitted to hospital.
To celebrate the launch of Octonauts Live! Operation Reef Shield, a spectacular underwater adventure live on stage, we are giving away an amazing Octonauts prize pack to one lucky fan.
Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.
Top 5 Articles
One baby dies every eight days in the back of a car in the US, victims of 'forgotten baby syndrome'.
For a brief time, I was touched by an angel. You stole my heart, and changed me into the women I am today.
After six years of trying for a baby, a couple’s dreams have come true many times over after the mum gave birth to quintuplets this week.
Chrissie Swan says she and her partner have sex once a year due to her fear of falling pregnant.
It's an important lesson to learn, but one that busy new mums and dads might overlook until it's too late.
Actress Zooey Deschanel is expecting her first child with her producer boyfriend Jacob Pechenik.
Of course, in some cases they may be the ones who actually got their child into a precarious position in the first place, but we'll ignore that for now.
Knowing you are not the father of your pregnant wife's baby would usually indicate a rocky relationship ahead for traditional parents.
Pip Donnelly is still playing spot the difference with her newborn identical triplets, Isabelle, Georgina and Frankie.
Jenny Alexis is lucky to be alive after spending four days buried in the rubble of the 2010 Haitian earthquake, but now she's a thriving five year old.
On the one hand I was having a regular life with friends and sports and sleepovers and school. But I was also always wondering: Did my mother love me? What was wrong with me?
Kitty, when you’re the parent of my child you’re welcome to wade in with an opinion – but until then, I’d prefer you to have a supportive ear and a glass of wine ready.
A US couple faces charges after investigators say they found mobile phone videos showing the woman's 12-month-old daughter putting a handgun in her mouth.
A 10-year time limit on storing frozen embryos that were created with donor sperm has been dropped by the NSW government.
Sharan Nicholson-Rogers watched her husband change from a happy-go-lucky police officer into an unpredictable man prone to violent and emotional outbursts.
Dads-to-be experience hormonal changes in line with their pregnant partners, a new study shows.
"They were just doing their job. I feel so sorry for them. It is all just too sad."
Women who miscarry will be able to obtain an optional "recognition of loss" certificate as a formal recognition of their often heartbreaking loss.
Teenage parties, domestic disputes, or raucous late night pubs are the things that usually come to mind when you think neighbourhood noise complaints.
Most parents would not consider a snake an appropriate playmate for their baby, but a US dad who filmed his daughter playing with a python has defended himself against criticism.
Check out this range of products designed to help make your breastfeeding journey more enjoyable, manageable and convenient.
Back to School Offer
We've got you covered for this school year. Use www.findababysitter.com.au to meet local nannies now.