Jump to content
Need advice, do you give presents to people you don't ever see?
11 replies to this topic
Posted 05 January 2013 - 01:58 PM
Here's the basics..
My two children don't see their two cousins at all because my sister in law and I don't get along AT ALL. Up until now we have sent our kids birthday presents for birthdays and christmas through our mother in law. We have another lot of birthdays coming up and I was about to go and buy the presents for exchange BUT..
and I have said this before..
I just feel like it's silly to send presents and exchange them through my mother in law. That feels childish, but also that the sets of cousins don't even know each other. It's not about the money, I am happy to do it if it felt right, but it sort of doesn't.
Why are we sending presents to each others kids? Do they really care if they receive them from us or not? Does my SIL even give them to her kids? If I stopped doing it, she would keep sending. I know that.
My own kids are easy going, they are not fussed about presents.
So anyways, should I keep sending the presents? What would you do?
Posted 05 January 2013 - 02:04 PM
Nope, send a card if you must, but not gifts.
I doubt they'd care frankly.
Posted 05 January 2013 - 02:07 PM
I wouldn't send them anything but a card so that they know they are in my thoughts.
Posted 05 January 2013 - 02:10 PM
Keep sending the presents. It reminds your nieces and nephews that they have family "out there".
That said, I would be careful with what you choose for someone you don't know, as I really hate this idea of giving things to people that they don't value. (I, myself, would rather receive nothing. It is a waste and, contrary to being a "nice thought", can be more about creating a sense of satisfaction for the giver, and can underline the fact that the giver doesn't really know/think about/care about/listen to the receiver.) Either your MIL can be trusted to guide you towards suitable gifts, or you should choose something fairly "safe" (perhaps even the sometimes-controversial voucher, especially for teens and tweens).
But ultimately, if there is no other contact, I think it's important to maintain something between the kids and Christmas gifts may be where you can do that, in practice.
ETA: I think it needs to be more than cards. I get cards from the bloke who organised my home loan eight years ago. I hope you would want to communicate that you are willing to go to some sort of trouble for them, despite the differences between yourself and SIL.
Edited by beabea, 05 January 2013 - 02:14 PM.
Posted 05 January 2013 - 02:18 PM
My brother and I are no longer on speaking terms, we don't exchange gifts for the kids, can't see the point.
Posted 05 January 2013 - 02:28 PM
I buy iTunes gift cards for the 2 sons of my husbands sisters kids (by marriage) they are 16 & 19 - I've met them once more than 5 years ago....... I have just sent my SIL flowers for her birthday yesterday though she wouldn't know when my birthday was - she is my husbands little (only sibling) sister so I do it for him not her.
I receive Christmas & birthday day presents from them (SIL & her husband) for our daughter though most aren't age appropriate (mosaic glass craft set - very beautiful) for an almost 4 year old - I'm still waiting for her to grow into the dressing gown & slippers sent 3 Christmas's ago. It's hard - I don't want to rock the boat so I buy, post and send a smile All I can do - families are hard work.
Posted 05 January 2013 - 02:34 PM
I find it so fake. And I can't stand that.
I would send a message through MIL that it just makes sense to stop the presents as it's pointless.
Do a card if you must but if there is no relationship and your kids don't even know their cousins, it really is meaningless.
Posted 05 January 2013 - 03:08 PM
I have an uncle and aunt who is estranged from the family. I can safely say that not receiving any gifts from him has not caused any trauma or even the slightest bit of upset.
The whole point about gift giving is to express affection. If non exists, why bother with gifts? I assure you the kids won't be "missing out" on anything significant just because the aunt they never speak to or hear about stops giving them presents.
Posted 05 January 2013 - 03:18 PM
My brother made a choice to stop visiting me in April this year.
To me that means he has chosen to stop seeing his nieces also. So they haven't seen or heard from him for months and months.
He passed Christmas gifts along via my dad. I haven't even passed them onto my girls. If he cant make any effort to see them or maintain a relationship he doesn't get to play generous gift giving uncle at Christmas.
Posted 05 January 2013 - 03:39 PM
Same situation we do not see dh's side of the family we don't send cards or gifts. Seems silly to as we have no contact with them at all.
Edited by FloralArrangement, 05 January 2013 - 03:39 PM.
0 user(s) are reading this topic
0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users
On which side of your body do you carry or cradle your baby? If you answered "left" then you're not alone.
Women who took omega-3 fatty acid supplements (fish oil supplements) in pregnancy reduced the risk of their children developing asthma by almost one third.
Luke and Hillary Gardner never have a problem remembering each other's birthday.
A mother's candid and heartfelt reflections about pregnancy after miscarriage are providing comfort to other women.
What's the best way to mentally stimulate your baby? It doesn't take a genius - just a loving, involved parent.
The average blood pressure of mother could suggest a baby's sex before it even exists, a study has found.
Ashley Rockill was lucky enough to have her birth photographer on hand to capture a precious moment.
In honour of Black Friday, let's explore 13 of the strangest pregnancy superstitions from across the globe.
When you become a mum you give birth to a beautiful baby, but you also give birth to guilt.
An American mother was shocked when she gave to a 6.4kg (14lb 1oz) baby last month.
A mum has made a pretty bold move by demanding $532 for a pair of her daughter's shoes that were damaged at another family's house.
If a toddler was to write a guide to 'help' you with the household chores, it would go something like this.
The game-changing breast pump promises to make life easier all round.
A teen mum has shared her birth story – and her shock at not knowing she was pregnant until her baby's head emerged.
The only thing childcare workers spend their time doing is "wiping noses and stopping the kids from killing each other"? Not quite.
When people say "aren't you lucky that there are two of you, that you can switch?" I give them a tight smile.
Although breastfeeding a toddler isn't for everybody, if you choose to nurse beyond babyhood you can expect some strong reactions.
Top 5 Articles
There is less of a focus on fine motor skills, but they're just as important as others. (SPONSORED)
There are at least five other compelling reasons to get musical around your toddler. (SPONSORED)
Click through the gallery to read the details and see some of the most memorable monikers in show biz families.