Jump to content

Is this normal? Baby massage class seemed weird


  • Please log in to reply
76 replies to this topic

#1 OneProudMum

Posted 05 January 2013 - 01:21 PM

A couple of weeks after the birth of DD we went along to a baby massage class ran by the hospital.

In the massage class we were taught that at the beginning of every massage we need to ask our babies if they give consent to being massaged. They said that as time progresses our children will be able to give an answer in an age appropriate manner. They then went on to say that we should carry this same principle to bath and nappy time, to foster some sort of trust so that they can learn that they can say no.

Is this a typical thing? I don't ask my children if I can wash them! Well, DS washes himself anyway.

Thoughts?

Edited by OneProudMum, 05 January 2013 - 01:47 PM.


#2 Expelliarmus

Posted 05 January 2013 - 01:27 PM

I heard that as well - not at a massage class, just 'in general'. I never bought into it. They learned to say no and we built trust without me asking them every single time I touched them.

#3 rosiebird

Posted 05 January 2013 - 01:27 PM

Not weird. I used to say "massage honey?" or "do you want a massage sweetheart?" in a questioning voice, and stop if she started to squirm or look upset. I didn't ask "would it be permissible to massage your feet?" or anything stupid like that, but I think it's a good reminder that your baby is a separate person with wants and desires, even if she is rather small, and it stops you from "doing things to" rather than "doing things with" your baby. Don't say anything if its not natural to you, the important thing is being sensitive and responsive to your baby.

#4 TillyTake2

Posted 05 January 2013 - 01:29 PM

I'd "ask" for something like a massage but not for a nappy lol. If you need a nappy change you NEED a nappy change.

#5 José

Posted 05 January 2013 - 01:32 PM

I don't really find that weird. Some Dr and nurses will ask permission before they touch you or at least tell you what they are about to do. And if I could get a pap smear without being touched I think that would be great! When I was training to be a swim teacher I was told to ask children prior to touching them especially when teaching breast stroke I find I might needto ttouch feet/ legs to help kids get the idea of how it is supposed to feel. I guess the difference is ur discussing babieswwho can't talk and they r ur baby. Still, I think it models respectful behaviour and gives them, when older, the opportunity to say they don't want a massage.

Edited by feliz6, 05 January 2013 - 01:34 PM.


#6 Guest_Sunnycat_*

Posted 05 January 2013 - 01:32 PM

I did baby massage and was told the same thing. I have always told DS before we are about to change his nappy or massage him or wash him, don't do it so much anymore (still do regarding the nappy change), I just want to reassure him when he was a newbie.

#7 Expelliarmus

Posted 05 January 2013 - 01:36 PM

I went with the 'telling them what's going on as you do it' approach. It ended up being a more natural set of questions.

"Oh you're sad? Mummy's going to pick you up. Do you want something to eat? Oooh smelly bum, let's change your bum first then you'll feel better. Let's go to the change table, just take this one off, isn't that better? Yes it is! Ooooh squirmy baby, let's put a new one on, ah there you go, all better! Oh no, you don't like that? Oh I'll just cover up your little feet ..." etc etc

As they got older they responded non verbally and verbally and I took those cues rather than asking permission. "Oh you don't like that, do you, I'll stop, want me to stroke your back instead of pat ... hmmm you like that I think ..." It just evolved a bit more naturally and by the time they could respond questions like that came as part of the normal interactions and the child was able to respond.

#8 OneProudMum

Posted 05 January 2013 - 01:38 PM

QUOTE (Sunnycat @ 05/01/2013, 02:32 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I did baby massage and was told the same thing. I have always told DS before we are about to change his nappy or massage him or wash him, don't do it so much anymore (still do regarding the nappy change), I just want to reassure him when he was a newbie.


Is the sort of thing you say more like "mummy is just changing your nappy now" (this is what I do).

Or do you actually ask "is it ok if mummy changes your nappy now?"



#9 tickledpink72

Posted 05 January 2013 - 01:39 PM

Sorry, I find that REALLY weird, but I never did baby massage.  Especially the bath & nappy change "consent"...there is no option to say "no" to either for my DS.

#10 OneProudMum

Posted 05 January 2013 - 01:40 PM

QUOTE (howdo @ 05/01/2013, 02:36 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I went with the 'telling them what's going on as you do it' approach. It ended up being a more natural set of questions.

"Oh you're sad? Mummy's going to pick you up. Do you want something to eat? Oooh smelly bum, let's change your bum first then you'll feel better. Let's go to the change table, just take this one off, isn't that better? Yes it is! Ooooh squirmy baby, let's put a new one on, ah there you go, all better! Oh no, you don't like that? Oh I'll just cover up your little feet ..." etc etc

As they got older they responded non verbally and verbally and I took those cues rather than asking permission. "Oh you don't like that, do you, I'll stop, want me to stroke your back instead of pat ... hmmm you like that I think ..." It just evolved a bit more naturally and by the time they could respond questions like that came as part of the normal interactions and the child was able to respond.


Great so what I'm doing is the same. Thanks!

#11 ekbaby

Posted 05 January 2013 - 01:41 PM

I don't think it's weird. I probably take it the way howdo said. I.e. talking to baby when about to change them, telling then what is happening, rather than just ripping it off. Also with baby massage they were probably making the point that not all babies like being massaged or there might be time when your baby is fractious/tired etc and a massage is just upsetting them rather than being a nice bonding activity, I guess they are just saying listen to your baby and watch their cues.

#12 HeroOfCanton

Posted 05 January 2013 - 01:41 PM

Sounds fair enough, I guess - but as roseibird said it, informal.

I've never asked permission to change, massage, wash my children, but I do always talk them through what I'm going to do.
I never just scoop them off the floor and toss them on the change table; I would say "okay Atlas, let's change your nappy. Would you like a blue one this time"
or with DD, I'll ask her to choose a nappy for herself, then we talk through how we change a nappy (commentary of the type of poo included - courteousy of the toddler  sick.gif)

#13 Frockme

Posted 05 January 2013 - 01:42 PM

Oh for heavens sake, ask them if they want a shower or nappy change? Seems so extreme. .  biggrin.gif  If I didn't insist on my dd showering / bathing and sometimes going to the toilet she never would. Well she would of course but only when it suited her. Now I don't let a 2 yO rule my life now or ever lol. Telling a child what's coming up or having a good routine in place seems more sensible.
For massage yes ok, ask. They aren't there of their own accord anyway so seems a bit silly. I'm sure there are better ways to teach the things.

#14 rosiebird

Posted 05 January 2013 - 01:42 PM

I say "nappy time cutie!! Can we change your nappy now? Come on sweetie, up you come". Nappy time is less negotiable than massage time though! I don't think it's the words so much as the spirit - that you are looking for cues to see whether the baby is enjoying massage time to decide whether to continue of not.

I'm not sure why a *warning -sensitive * was needed though!

#15 Mumto1feral

Posted 05 January 2013 - 01:43 PM

I don't think it's weird at all. I remember Pinky McKay suggests doing it this way too when I read me of her books. I think i also remember reading somewhere else thats it's partly to do with teaching your child about boundaries and instilling in your child that they are individuals and have rights about what happens to their own bodies, which in turn supposed to be a protective mechanism against child sexual abuse.

#16 OneProudMum

Posted 05 January 2013 - 01:43 PM

QUOTE (tickledpink72 @ 05/01/2013, 02:39 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Sorry, I find that REALLY weird, but I never did baby massage.  Especially the bath & nappy change "consent"...there is no option to say "no" to either for my DS.


It was probably not "can I change your nappy? sort of consent possibly more "is it ok if I xyz?"

#17 OneProudMum

Posted 05 January 2013 - 01:45 PM

QUOTE (rosiebird @ 05/01/2013, 02:42 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I say "nappy time cutie!! Can we change your nappy now? Come on sweetie, up you come". Nappy time is less negotiable than massage time though! I don't think it's the words so much as the spirit - that you are looking for cues to see whether the baby is enjoying massage time to decide whether to continue of not.

I'm not sure why a *warning -sensitive * was needed though!


I thought it would be best to put it there and gauge response rather than possibly upsetting someone.

#18 Guest_Sunnycat_*

Posted 05 January 2013 - 01:48 PM

QUOTE (OneProudMum @ 05/01/2013, 01:38 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Is the sort of thing you say more like "mummy is just changing your nappy now" (this is what I do).

Or do you actually ask "is it ok if mummy changes your nappy now?"


Yeah, especially in the early days when he screamed blue murder, I'd try and reassure him and just tell him, "it's all okay, I'm just going to change your nappy".

With the massage was the same, something like "I'm going to give you a massage to help you relax". I didn't do massage that often and DS was always the type of child who loves to be cuddled or touched so didn't really make much difference to us.

#19 Maple Leaf

Posted 05 January 2013 - 01:49 PM

I never asked 'permission' for bathing or nappy changes.

It's more like "nappy time!".

Or "time to hop in the bath". I would never use a questioning voice with either of those things as my kids would assume they had a choice and take off running and think it was a huge game watching Mum wrangle them into the tub!

#20 Guest_Sunnycat_*

Posted 05 January 2013 - 01:49 PM

QUOTE (OneProudMum @ 05/01/2013, 01:45 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I thought it would be best to put it there and gauge response rather than possibly upsetting someone.


When we did the baby massage, the woman said it was good to start getting in the habit of asking permission before touching your kids as it helps teach them that their body is their own and the orders need consent to touch them and that it is okay for them to say no. I don't know if it's something that needs to be taught when they're that young but in theory I think it's a good idea.

#21 Expelliarmus

Posted 05 January 2013 - 01:55 PM

I do understand the theory but for babies I don't think it's appropriate to be perfectly honest. Babies need people to touch them and do things for them. In fact babies need touch. But if you've been talking to your baby and responding to their cues since birth in some manner than as they can do things for themselves you can gradually modify what you are saying to include asking for permissions when appropriate. It's a gradual thing. shrug.gif

#22 Oriental lily

Posted 05 January 2013 - 01:58 PM

I think is fine to do it if you find that useful but I am really not sure it achieves much.


There is negotiable things and non negotiable.

Massage is negotiable.
The whole point of it is to relax your baby, that's hardly going to happen if the child does not want it.

The same as a hug.

However asking child if they want a bath is pointless because it will happen anyway.

I am also a bit scepitical of the current pop psychology of treating your child as a equal. And that their needs and wants are important as yours.

Sounds sweet and lovely in theory however
It seems to be missing the reality that children and even teens are not rationale people.

Doing a running commentary on what your going to do is totally different because it helps with speech and helps prepare and make a baby feel secure.


#23 kpingitquiet

Posted 05 January 2013 - 02:00 PM

I certainly don't do it. Just last night my 2yo was sitting on my lap watching Driver Dan and I gave her a backrub. shrug.gif If she doesn't like something she says "No! Dun liiiike it" so that's pretty clear indication she's not up for it biggrin.gif I personally think parent-child trust is built by not harming them, being there when they need you, and being their support, not by treating them in an unfamiliar, professional manner. And gosh knows I never ask if she minds if I change her diaper or if dad takes her for bathtime. The kid would have a 3-ton diaper by now and would have bathed maybe twice since she learned to speak if we did that.

#24 MinkyMonkey

Posted 05 January 2013 - 02:07 PM

QUOTE (Mumto1bub @ 05/01/2013, 01:43 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I don't think it's weird at all. I remember Pinky McKay suggests doing it this way too when I read me of her books. I think i also remember reading somewhere else thats it's partly to do with teaching your child about boundaries and instilling in your child that they are individuals and have rights about what happens to their own bodies, which in turn supposed to be a protective mechanism against child sexual abuse.


yyes.gif

I also did infant massage and always asked permission, like most PP with nappies changes, baths etc. it was more like letting her know what was going on than asking permission per se.

#25 MinkyMonkey

Posted 05 January 2013 - 02:10 PM

QUOTE (Sunnycat @ 05/01/2013, 01:49 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
When we did the baby massage, the woman said it was good to start getting in the habit of asking permission before touching your kids as it helps teach them that their body is their own and the orders need consent to touch them and that it is okay for them to say no. I don't know if it's something that needs to be taught when they're that young but in theory I think it's a good idea.


I think it's a good habit to get into so you may as well start straight away, kind of like please and thank you.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Special Ticket Offer, Save $8!

The Essential Baby & Toddler Show is back this April! Save $8 off the door price for a limited time only!

Finding baby name inspiration in unusual places

Sometimes the greatest baby name ideas come from the most unexpected places, as these EB members show.

The case for inducing at 37 weeks

While we often think of pregnancy as a 40 week affair, experts agree that 37 weeks is actually “full term". So is there an argument for inducing all births at 37 weeks?

Does controlled crying really work?

Controlled-crying techniques may help some babies sleep through the night, but for many exhausted new parents, it's just a recipe for more tears all round.

How I taught my infant to use a toilet

As people become more aware of these benefits, I hope more parents will practice this method, so we can cut down on nappies and improve baby bonding.

'I thought it was impossible': Emily Symons pregnant at 45

Aussie actress Emily Symons has announced she is pregnant with her first baby.

Shallow water blackout kills fit, healthy dad

A little girl will grow up without her father after the fit and healthy 34-year-old passed away while doing something he had practised his whole life.

Afternoon naps may be bad for toddlers' sleep

You could be doing yourself a disservice by encouraging your toddler to have an afternoon nap, according to new research.

Best gifts for newborns, new mums and christenings

We've compiled a guide to some of the most popular presents for newborns and new mums, and for christenings and naming days.

Jaime King to be a mum again

Actress Jaime King is pregnant with her second child, giving 16-month-old James a sibling.

Nannies should receive government funding

The Abbott government should extend funding to nannies, and direct childcare payments to low and middle income families, a landmark study on childcare has found. 

Common skin irritations in newborns (and how to treat them)

As many as one in two newborn babies suffer from skin irritations in their first few weeks. So what are the most common rashes and irritations to look out for?

10 wall decals for the nursery or playroom

Wall decals are the answer to creating a beautiful nursery or children's space without lifting a paint brush, a spirit level or even a hammer.

Preschooler walks 2.4km home alone

Three-year-old Cain Trainor headed off home after his first day at a new preschool without telling anyone.

Video: Why mums get nothing done

In spite of being in an almost constant state of motion while looking after the kids and trying to keep things together at home, it can seem as though parents have managed to get nothing on the to-do list done by the end of the day.

The middle name game

The middle name is no longer an afterthought, and parents' inspiration comes from many places.

Have a baby or your money back - but there's a catch

A new IVF scheme offers couples the chance to fall pregnant and give birth - or get their money back. But there's more to it than you might think.

A rare glimpse inside the womb

A baby born still inside the amniotic sac gave US doctors a rare glimpse at life inside the womb.

Battered mum forced to write to her attacker ex in jail

Three years ago Jason Hughes viciously attacked his ex-partner. Now she has to write to him three times a year.

Woman pleads not guilty to ultrasound scam

A West Australian woman will fight allegations that she scammed expectant mums by selling them fake ultrasound pictures of babies.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Brain damaged mum receives compensation

A Sydney mother who suffered brain damage when she was hit by a car while pushing her newborn baby in a pram has reached a confidential out-of-court settlement with the driver's insurance company.

Indigenous midwives break down the barriers

A culturally sensitive midwifery service has gained the trust and respect of Aboriginal women.

The Katering Show's next big delivery

Most mums-to-be plan to take things easy and perhaps have a little break from work as the birth of their baby draws near. Not Kate McCartney.

53 creative pregnancy announcements

Announcing that you're expecting can be a time to express your creativity, sense of humour and imagination. Check out how other parents and parents-to-be have broken the news to friends and family.

Why I have mixed feelings about Cindy Crawford's leaked photo

Last week an un-retouched photo of model Cindy Crawford surfaced, showing the 48-year-old mother-of -two posing in underwear.

How to create a Peppa Pig pancake

Thought your toddler could not love pancakes any more than they already do? How about if the breakfast treat came in the shape of every two-year-old's favourite cartoon character?

'It's a little life, not a little loss': pregnancy after miscarriage

I thought I was never going to be able to have a successful pregnancy. I decided that I wasn't going to form an emotional attachment with this baby.

Bonds Baby Search 2015: what you need to know

February 18 marks the start of one of the most prolific annual baby competitions in Australia: the Bonds Baby Search. And this year is going to be more special than ever.

Who will manage your Facebook account when you're gone?

This is not something that people like to talk about, but Facebook has announced that it will grant users more control over what happens to their pages after they die.

Struggling mum of four wins $188 million

Mother of four Marie Holmes was financially struggling after quitting her jobs at Walmart and McDonald's in order to care for her children.

Pregnant obese women a 'relatively new problem', coroner hears

A first-time mother whose daughter died hours after her frightening birth insists she was never told of the risks of being obese and pregnant.

'I'm angry as hell': the story behind mum's passionate vaccination plea

She has labelled parents who do not vaccinate their children "misinformed imbeciles" - and for that, she makes no apologies.

IKEA hacks for the nursery and kids' rooms

Are you one of those that know the whole IKEA catalogue by heart? Love their stuff but want to personalise it? Here's some inspiration to help you realise the potential of IKEA furniture and fittings.

8 different kinds of tantrums

I never thought I’d say this, but for a brief moment last week, Kim Kardashian and I had something in common: both our kids had public tantrums.

Polycystic ovary syndrome: symptoms, treatment and your fertility

Polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) is the most common female hormonal condition, affecting roughly one in 12 Australian women.

What's the best position for giving birth?

If doing it on your back is out, what's the best position for labour and birth?

Wife forgives snake catcher husband for car surprise

With Valentine's Day coming up, Nat Gilbert could be forgiven for thinking her husband might be planning a surprise for her.

Kids who meet milestones at their own pace

We usually only hear the success stories: tales of the two-year-old who’s talking, running and completely toilet trained. But other stories need to be told too.

Ruby shines as Bonds Baby

Sarah Kiss has a word of advice for proud mums and dads who are keen to enter their babies in this year's Bonds Baby Search Competition - just have fun.

Why dads should go to sleep school

If your family needs to go to sleep school, go with them. You are part of that family and you are part of the solution.

36 baby names inspired by food and drinks

A French court may have ruled out Nutella as a baby name, but that doesn't have to stop you from taking inspiration from the supermarket (or bottle shop). See what parents in the US have chosen for their delicious little ones.

Clever breastfeeding products

Check out this range of products designed to help make your breastfeeding journey more enjoyable, manageable and convenient.

 

Win a KitchenAid Mixer

Let's celebrate 300,000 fans on Facebook

To celebrate, and to thank our amazing fans, we?re giving away a KitchenAid Artisan Tilt-Head Stand Mixer.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.