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Your funeral
Your wishes

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#1 WithSprinkles

Posted 05 January 2013 - 12:19 PM

The guardianship/will thread got me thinking about when we wrote our wills. One thing I found extremely difficult was deciding whether to be cremated or buried and where I would want my remains to be buried/scattered. A year later and I still have not made a decision..!

I like the idea of having a grave for people to visit.. I also don't mind the idea of scattering half of my ashes somewhere I love and have the other half in an urn or something for my family to keep so that part of me is with them still...but then what would happen when my children and their children eventually pass away? I don't think my great great grandchild would want the ashes of their great great grandmother hanging around!!

I have a couple of songs that I would like to be played at my funeral along with maybe a slideshow of pictures of my life. I would like the same flowers I had in my wedding bouquet on my coffin and would prefer people donate to charity rather than buy any extra flowers.

Have you discussed your wishes with family members? Would you prefer to be cremated or buried? Where would you want your remains to be placed? Have you made any special requests for your funeral?

EDited to add paragraphs - typing on iphone

ETA: I know it won't matter because I am dead, I just like the idea of making my wishes known so my family doesn't have to deal with difficult decisions once I'm gone (or minimize them a little!)

Edited by VanillaIcecream, 05 January 2013 - 01:06 PM.

#2 BadCat

Posted 05 January 2013 - 12:26 PM

If at all possible I want no flowers, a cardboard coffin, and to be buried in a forest and have a tree planted on top of me.  No memorial plaque, no religious aspect, no fuss.  And play whatever song suits those who I leave behind.  I won't be able to hear it anyway.

If that's not possible then I just want the cheapest, no fuss, funeral that people are comfortable with.  I'd prefer to be cremated and scattered inear a waterfall than buried in a fancy coffin though.

Edited by BadCat, 05 January 2013 - 12:28 PM.

#3 Three Of Hearts

Posted 05 January 2013 - 12:35 PM

I was only talking about this with family last night.

I want a New Orleans Funeral March at my funeral.  Right through town.  My family think I'm joking... I'm not happy.gif

Being serious for a moment though, my Grandfather passed away 2 years ago and his wishes were to be cremated and his ashes scattered somewhere (he didn't care where they went) and he didn't want a plaque.  So they ended up going to my Aunty who lives in another state, and she scattered them somewhere down there.  It kind of makes me sad that we don't have a 'place' to go to.

#4 AntiBourgeoisie

Posted 05 January 2013 - 12:35 PM

I'd love an open air cremation - but it's not allowed in Australia, and rarely allowed anywhere.
I'd like to second BadCat's thoughts. If I'm dead, well, I'm dead. What do I care? Funerals are about the people left behind having a way of publicly grieving. It's not really about the dead person.
I do understand that some people feel quite strongly about their funeral. There was a thread on EB a whole back about a lady dying of cancer (an EB members MIL perhaps) dictating where to have the wake, where she wanted to be buried, who had to drive when and where to do all this... In that case, I think a sudden confrontation with your own mortality and fears of being forgotten dominate - its not about the funeral per se. I think those feelings are valid and I certainly wouldn't begrudge it if a family member of mine made difficult requests about their funeral. But I wouldn't want to do that to my own family. And if I made a 'last promise' to someone about their funeral/remains, I would do everything in my power to carry it out. Because I'm a bit superstitious about stuff like that.

#5 cira

Posted 05 January 2013 - 12:39 PM

I'd like as much of my body as possible to be donated to organ transplant and/or science.

My family can choose to grieve as they wish but hopefully they will follow my wishes in regards to my body and be okay with a service without a body.

#6 Sweet like a lemon

Posted 05 January 2013 - 12:40 PM

Cremation but I don't want my ashes kept. The idea totally creeps me out.

#7 LynnyP

Posted 05 January 2013 - 12:40 PM

Not my decisions to make.  If it was, as the council frowns on human remains in the rubbish colleciton, I would want the absolute cheapest available, after all useful parts have been removed for reuse, experimentation or merely entertaining medical students and they prepare for a tough life.  But really it is up to how the people behind want to mark my death/life.

#8 FeralLIfeHacker

Posted 05 January 2013 - 12:43 PM


Edited by lifehacker, 09 February 2013 - 10:25 PM.

#9 la di dah

Posted 05 January 2013 - 12:51 PM

I want my organs donated.

Then I want whatever is left put in a wood box and buried. I do not want to be cremated. My DH knows I have a horror of the idea of being cremated.

I would ideally like a small stone with my names (all six names, please) and dates, and then a tree planted over me. I don't need a huge garish stone but I'd like a stone because I'm a genealogist's daughter and I like the idea of great-grandkids being able to look up what my middle names are should they so desire.

#10 *Lib*

Posted 05 January 2013 - 12:56 PM

Those who want to be donated to medical research......you need to be registered with the body donor program at the university. It can't just happen. And they don't have immediate acceptance.

For those wanting a carboard coffin......they are usually more expensive than a chipboard coffin.

Also the Eco Burials will take off eventually, the only one thats in operation that I know of is in Lismore NSW and they are working on one in Mudgeeraba Qld.

#11 baddmammajamma

Posted 05 January 2013 - 01:01 PM

If possible, I'd like to be an organ donor.

I'd like to be cremated and have my ashes spread along the Bondi to Bronte Ocean walk.

Instead of a plot or burial site, I'd like to have a beautiful bench in my memory, overlooking the ocean, so that others can enjoy the view.

#12 CherrySunday

Posted 05 January 2013 - 01:03 PM

No preferences for my funeral itself - I've told DH I trust him to do what will be best for him & the family, if I die first, of course.

I don't want to be 'preserved' in any way - embalmed? and preferably in a coffin that will break down as quickly & naturally as possible.

#13 Whatsername

Posted 05 January 2013 - 01:06 PM

My DH and I have discussed this a lot because I want to make sure that if anything happens to either of us, we know exactly what the other wants.

I would like my organs donated to science. We have our funeral songs picked out too.

I know my MIL wants us to build her coffin and paint rainbows, hearts and the like on it (I don't know if you are legally allowed to do that?). At my DH grandfathers funeral he wanted everyone to do karaoke to 'What a wonderful world'. We managed somehow to do it, but I don't think it was as joyful as he had wished.

#14 SecondLife

Posted 05 January 2013 - 01:22 PM

A slightly different perspective : my father died just over a year ago, and my brother and I had to arrange the funeral. We felt very fortunate that my dad, knowing he didn't have long to live, had already started researching and had some set ideas (we had reserved his 'spot' in the wall, he knew which funeral director, had narrowed down the choice of chapel, had a few ideas about music and flowers, decided which catering package (!), etc).

For those who say 'I don't care', it can make the decision making very difficult for grieving family members who are suffering from 'decision overload', particularly if there's several family members organizing it, and within a very short timeframe. Someone has to make all those decisions at some stage, why not save your family the agony of thinking "is this what she would hsve wanted? If only I knew which flowers she liked!" all while grieving, calling people, composing eulogies etc. We only had to choose music order, day, time, meet with the celebrants, write eulogies and compose photo slide show, and that was more than enough!

#15 AntiBourgeoisie

Posted 05 January 2013 - 01:27 PM

QUOTE (nancepants @ 05/01/2013, 02:22 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
For those who say 'I don't care', it can make the decision making very difficult for grieving family members who are suffering from 'decision overload', particularly if there's several family members organizing it, and within a very short timeframe. Someone has to make all those decisions at some stage, why not save your family the agony of thinking "is this what she would hsve wanted? If only I knew which flowers she liked!" all while grieving, calling people, composing eulogies etc. We only had to choose music order, day, time, meet with the celebrants, write eulogies and compose photo slide show, and that was more than enough!

But surely there is a difference between "I genuinely don't care" and just never discussing it... I take your point though, and if ever I am diagnosed with a terminal illness or live to be very old, I certainly would make some suitable arrangements. But if a bus hits me tomorrow - everyone knows to keep it simple and to THEIR tastes, not mine.

#16 No girls here

Posted 05 January 2013 - 01:29 PM

DH and I both want anything that's useful to be donated, and then just go the cheapest option.  We have discussed this.

In terms of the funeral, I'm not too fussed, but I would prefer that everyone did not wear black and it was treated more as a celebration of life.

#17 eigne

Posted 05 January 2013 - 01:34 PM

I would like to donate any parts of my body that are useful to others. I would like to be cremated and either scattered somewhere that means a lot to me (eg at our farm) or have the ashes put in a hole with a tree planted on top.

#18 Chchgirl

Posted 05 January 2013 - 01:37 PM

In reference to a PP saying that cardboard is dearer, this is definitely true! When I was arranging for my dh, he had no set plans as even though he was unwell, he didn't want to acknowledge the fact that he was dying. Hard to hear but true. We had spoken of where to bury him and I arranged the whole thing..I couldn't do the cremation thing when the crunch came, but he didn't care about that..

My only advice is to make sure you have funds or a funeral plan or something like that. I was fortunate but I look at some family members and wonder how on earth their families would pay for a funeral, even the cheapest can be expensive!

I did no flowers, I asked for donations to the Cancer council.

#19 HRH Countrymel

Posted 05 January 2013 - 01:45 PM

When my Mum died we found a small folder that contained some poems, and the wording she wanted on the headstone.
What made it different was that the headstone was for her brother's grave (in another country).
We had discussed this earlier but she hadn't mentioned it to my sister or to Dad so it was a great relief to have her wishes down on paper - otherwise I'm sure my Dad and sister would have thought I had made it up!
Mum was cremated and mailed 'home'.  It is weird I suppose that she doesn't have a resting place here but I'm not a fan of cemeteries so I kind of like that I don't feel obligated to go to one to 'remember Mum' - I remember her and think of her all the time.

When Dad dies he'll go 1/2 with his parents and 1/2 with Mum (after he's been cremated of course!)

BMJ has my post death plans wrapped up!  I want a bench somewhere beautiful but also where you need a rest though so that people will say "Ah... than goodness for Countrymel!"

QUOTE (baddmammajamma @ 05/01/2013, 02:01 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Instead of a plot or burial site, I'd like to have a beautiful bench in my memory, overlooking the ocean, so that others can enjoy the view.

#20 causeway

Posted 05 January 2013 - 01:50 PM

DH wants to be buried at sea... I think the most likely scenario is a cremation and scattering of ashes from a boat or pier. AFM- I wish to be cremated and then my ashes scattered. I want the song Iris, by the Goo Goo Dolls played. I am on the register to donate my organs. I recently went to a friends grandmothers funeral - she was well into her 90s. It was a celebration of her life and I learnt sp much from the well written and delivered eulogy.
I know what my parents wishes are. My grandfathers ashes were in an urn on top of the fridge in my grandmothers kitchen until they decided what to do with him. He was there for well over a year.

#21 mum201

Posted 05 January 2013 - 01:59 PM

I have expressed my wishes to my family, because even though me dying at this age is statistically unlikely, I would rather let them know just in case because who wants to be shouldered with guess work? My wishes are:
- organs that are still working to be donated. May also look into having my body left to a uni- carbon neutral as possible cremation- no funeral, wake, music....- no scattering ashes etc.....just want cremation place to deal with.

#22 OneProudMum

Posted 05 January 2013 - 02:09 PM

I want them to play the song "call me, maybe?!" Because its just my sick sense of humor and I want people to laugh and remember me for it!

#23 CFMummy

Posted 05 January 2013 - 02:14 PM

both my sister and brother were cremated my mum has the ashes sister has been gone 20 years brother was july just gone. They are not i an urn just the box they came in.
I either want to be cremated or donate my body to science

#24 fooiesmum

Posted 05 January 2013 - 02:37 PM

If you're series about donating your organs MAKE sure everyone in your family knows this and it's noted on your drivers license.

If you would like to donate your body to medical science you need to look into this and research it, again make your family aware - my girlfriends father donated his body to medical research, this was planned before his death - he wanted to give back to medical science as medical science had given him back his daughter (cancer survivor) his name is in a beautiful handwritten register at the Uni - so that is his families resting place for him, they have photos of when his name was added to the resister - his life was celebrated upon his death.  http://sydney.edu.au/medicine/anatomy/body-donation/faq.php

If you are looking for an eco option, wool coffins are beautiful and a lovely option http://www.funeralproducts.com.au/guest-pr...co-wool-coffin/

#25 spersephone

Posted 05 January 2013 - 02:47 PM

I want my organs donated, and what's left to be cremated.  I want the cheapest coffin because it makes no sense to spend money on it.  I'd rather a cardboard one, but as already said, this can cost more!  I want my ashes scattered, half at my son's grave, and the other half at the lovely place we got married.  I'd like some sort of plaque to commemorate me though.

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