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Has anyone BF their first but chosen to comp/FF their 2nd?


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#1 Guest_Sunnycat_*

Posted 05 January 2013 - 12:53 AM

Preparing to be flamed here, but just wondering if anyone breastfed their first and then went on to comp feed or FF their next baby?

DS is fully bf and still demand fed at nearly 15 months. I've never had any issues with feeding him and he was born knowing what to do.

I so far am planning to bf the next one but I didn't realize with DS how physically and emotionally draining I'm finding it.

It probably doesn't help that DS is a frequent waker and will only go back to sleep with boob.

I imagine I won't be able to wean DS until he wants to, but it feels like he's never going to wean. He hasn't even reduced any feeds.
With DS I never knew it would be so hard to wean him and how reliant he is on boob for comfort. He has always been a massive comfort sucker.

Realistically if DS is still feeding a million times a day and the new baby is the same I don't really know how I'll cope. And then if the next one is a crap sleeper like DS I have no idea how I am going to boob them both to sleep if they wake up at the same time. At least now DS and I cosleep so he can self serve and I can get some sleep.

Anyway, just wondering what other people have done with their second child?

Edited by Sunnycat, 05 January 2013 - 12:54 AM.


#2 tick

Posted 05 January 2013 - 08:21 AM

By the time I weaned my DD1 at 2 years old I was dead set ready to formula feed the next one.  I had quite a strong breastfeeding aversion by that point!  Even during pregnancy I didn't like the idea of having to breastfeed the second one, although realistically I knew I probably would.

When DD2 was born of course all the same hormones/love/etc kicked in and breastfeeding her hasn't been an issue thus far.  She's a completely different baby - actually sleeps worse than my DD1 did (didn't think that was possible) but at the same time she's much more laid back - she'll be fed to sleep but is just as happy to be rocked to sleep by someone else.  She'll take a bottle of EBM whereas DD1 wouldn't, and she actually likes solids whereas DD1 hardly ate a darn thing until she was well over 12 months old.  DD1 was a boob addict through and through but I get the feeling that by the time DD2 is 12 months old she'll be down to a few select feeds and will probably night wean a bit more easily than DD1 did.  

So I guess what I'm saying is, I understand how you feel but don't be surprised if you feel differently once the baby is actually born!  And furthermore, don't be surprised if your second child is completely different to your first!

One other thing that happens with second babies though I must admit, is that a lot of the issues that caused stress first time around just aren't as big a deal second time around.  Sure I'm sleep deprived as hell but I know there's an end in sight!  And similarly, if I suddenly needed to feed my baby a bottle of formula TBH I probably wouldn't stress nearly so much about it as I would have first time around.

Don't worry too much, it'll work itself out once the baby is here!

#3 lady lady

Posted 05 January 2013 - 08:25 AM

Wait until you have your baby.  DD#1 - massive problems feeding, MASSIVE comfort feeder around the clock attached to boob as she got older she got more demanding with boob...

DD#2 (10 weeks) - super fast efficient feeder (& WAY better sleeper) regulated herself to 3-4 hourly feeds within the first 4 days and does a 5-6 hour stint of sleep overnight ...

Different babies, different experience ...  I was also a second time mum this time around and seemed to work out the hungry cry better, with DD#1 if she even made a peep I would stick her on the boob, so I probably caused myself some grief there ....

#4 Jenflea

Posted 05 January 2013 - 08:35 AM

Have you tried cutting down his feeds yourself Sunnycat?
I had to with my DD at around 17 months. I was over the night feeds and the frequent day feeds.
I started with the night feeds by offering water in a sippy cup. After a week or so, she started sleeping MUCH better too which was a bonus. I'd cuddle her still when she woke so she still got comfort.
Then during the day I cut her down to 3 feeds a day, first thing in the morning(after 6am), then before nap, then bedtime.
Slowly cut down on those and at 2.5 we're only having one morning feed every few days.
Seeing as you're pregnant you could start weaning slowly, starting with night feeds and look at co feeding after the new baby comes. I'm sure there are plenty of mothers on here who tandem feed who can help you out with more advice.

i know it's none of my business, and formula isn't the Devil's Juice, but if it were me, I wouldn't want my next child to miss out on the benefits of BM because my first one was still feeding so much.

How does your son eat during the day, solids wise? Is he eating well? Cutting down on milk MAY improve his solids intake too, if needed.

#5 Bunsen the feral

Posted 05 January 2013 - 08:38 AM

Thanks for posting Sunnycat, I'm thinking along similar lines for this baby but was too much of a wimp to post  wink.gif

First baby was bf until 3-4 months but all manner of oversupply problems meant I switched to formula as I couldn't take the pain any longer - cue the usual guilt and feelings of failure. Second was easier, different baby and more knowledge on how to manage the oversupply, but then he would not take a bottle or cup and I had to feed him until 18 months before he would drink from anything but me, also waking up every 2 hours past 12 months and only going back to sleep with a feed. It was exhausting, physically and mentally and honestly I am scared I will have the same thing with this baby.

Hope others who have mixed fed will  post as it is so hard to find information on this!

#6 meemee75

Posted 05 January 2013 - 08:41 AM

I was completely over BF with DD by 16 months and weaned her.  I don't think I ever considered FF or mix feeding my second because I know I would feel guilty & its also seems more work preparing bottles etc.

My second baby has just weaned himself (21 months) . He's a crap sleeper like DD but an easier baby and was a lot less dependedent on the boob and seemed to be fine with DP settling him & putting him to bed.

Nothing to do with BF but I just think they have different personalities.
I still find DD at 4 is demanding of my time /attention & emotions compared to DS.

I think BF can be physically & emotionally demanding but I think its dependent more on the child you are feeding rather than the act of BF ing itself.

#7 ubermum

Posted 05 January 2013 - 08:51 AM

Totally understand why you are feeling that way. Summer, first trimester fatigue and a toddler. To be honest, once my baby arrived (17m gap) I couldn't imagine bottlefeeding. It was just too easy to pop a boob out while I ran after a toddler. Wait and see how you feel once your baby arrives. You don't have to make decisions. My toddler was weaned once mine arrived. It's also much easier to doze in a chair as you breastfeed than it is to bottlefeed.

#8 PooksALotLikeXmas

Posted 05 January 2013 - 08:52 AM

I don't want to sound horrible, but these are my honest thoughts reading your post. I think your DS needs to be gently guided into finding other ways to be comforted. Perhaps others can help you find ways to do that.

My thoughts are that you will probably find bfing your new baby a really nice bonding experience, and your DS is going to have to get used to sharing mummy and just basically not having you on hand the instant he wants you. I think it would be an awful shock to him if he had the new baby to contend with, and all the other changes too. I would be thinking that now is the time to start weaning him and teaching him alternate ways to settle himself.

I used to be of the mindset "DS only likes xyz, he will only do abc" but I have learned that I need to have more belief in his abilities. You have done a fantastic job of giving your son security, a strong attachment with you and a feeling of being loved. I believe that if you truly believe in his ability to find ways to soothe himself and need bfing less, that with the right approach he could do it.

Now in terms of approach, I can't help you there, really, except to say that I'm sure there are ladies here with brilliant gentle ideas in keeping with your philosophies.

I hope this comes across the right way.

#9 Mamabear2010

Posted 05 January 2013 - 09:09 AM

I agree with Pooks. I can't give you advice about two children and breast feeding, but I have weaned a boob dependent little one.

I fed ds until he was almost two. He wasn't a great sleeper and woke frequently. I usually bf him to sleep because it was easier than other methods (or so I thought). I'm currently pregnant with my second and I dread the long breast feeds of a newborn. But for me, I know the research about bf over formula so if there's no physical reason why I can't breast feed, then I'm sure I will get over my dread. That's my personal opinion for my situation.

As for your ds, I recommend trying to wean him. I was surprised at how easy it was with my ds. It was way easier than i invisaged. At 15 months and older, I think you can explain to them what's happening and to distract them from feeding. Also, I found that less breast feeds actually helped my ds sleep better. I think it was because he ate more solids.

Before weaning, I read as much info as possible- EB, books and ABA website. I think I started by taking away the comfort feeds during the day and then the before nap feeds. That left the pre-bedtime feed and overnight feeds. I then dropped the overnight feeds and kept the pre-bedtime feed. I dropped that feed a few months later.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do. I hope you find some advice that works for you.

#10 SplashingRainbows

Posted 05 January 2013 - 09:23 AM

I only have one child, but him being weaned is a major requirement for me before I embark on TTC#2 so I do understand where you're coming from. DS is now 2 and down to 1 feed per day. I've had to help and encourage him to get to this point but I've actually been pleasently surprised - an despite my initial concerns actually think reducing his feeds has been in his best interest.

I'm still a big advocate of extended feeding - and am glad I was able to feed to 2 but I do now firmly believe that feeding a toddler should be a different experience to feeding a baby. They are old enough to learn that mum has personal space and boundaries, an are smart enough to know that booby is the easiest way to get a quick energy hit.

I did find working helped with this as he was perfectly fine without me and if I wasn't around he was quite happy for other foods and drinks. I guess I just needed that reassurance. It was hard cause I'd been a bit conditioned by the boob is best, boob iced everything message but I really do think toddlers benefit from a wider range of comfort mechanisms.

#11 SplashingRainbows

Posted 05 January 2013 - 09:30 AM

Pooks wrote a fabulous post while I was slowly typin on my phone.

I agree with everything she said - especially about not limiting our wonderful kids with our own ideas of their capabilities.

#12 luckyreindeerpoo

Posted 05 January 2013 - 09:51 AM

It's a no flame thread original.gif .
I also was thinking along the lines of Pooks and as ubermum wrote, it's a pretty bad time, summer, first trimester (ish), a still young baby bfing a lot. Ugh, I'd be over it too.
You've got some time to work a bit with your older child and be hopefully "freed up" to deal with the new one and then see how you feel when he/she arrives in terms of feeding method.
Perhaps work with the issues you have in the here and now rather than adding extra stress by worrying about the future and not dealing with the present.
I hope you can tee up as much practical and emotional support from others during and after this pregnancy.
All the best

#13 michie0moo

Posted 05 January 2013 - 10:57 AM

My DD1 was like your DS at 15 months. Seemed to be increasing not decreasing feeds. She was breastfed throughout my pregnancy, but weaned when DD2 arrived. DD2 is so different to DD1 - no where near as much comfort suckling and settles a lot better, pretty much from day 1. I feed her to sleep some of the time but not always.
Basically, don't borrow trouble worrying about what is going to happen later. Will he go without if you aren't there? At 15 months, DD would have a meltdown, but eventually she would go the whole day without a breastfeed if I wasn't around and the meltdowns were only at bedtime. I started decreasing the length of feeds, using the "mummy is sore" reasoning (which was true most of the time anyway). Good luck!

#14 Guest_Sunnycat_*

Posted 05 January 2013 - 11:55 AM

Thanks everyone original.gif I'm glad there are others who understand how I feel.

I have tried to wean him but haven't had any success. Believe me I have tried. And it is something I periodically continue to try. I have been consistent but he becomes an even more clingy. The change in his personality is huge and he ends up sleeping even worse at night.

I have also tried cutting down his feeds but he won't have a bar of it either and like trying to wean it usually means his sleep gets worse or ends up grizzly for days and days and it takes ages to recover from it.

He can go without feeds because he is fine when I am at work. I'm going to go back to work 4 days instead of 2 in a couple of months so I'm hoping he'll just stop with the day feeds by the end of it. If I'm not there he is fine, but if I'm around he wants boob.

I think I'll just wait and see how he's going. Hopefully as he gets older and eats more he'll stop. He also uses boob a lot to deal with his teething pain so maye once his teeth are through he'll reduce his feeds.

I'll also see what the next child is like and if they are a boob addict like DS.

#15 JBH

Posted 05 January 2013 - 12:12 PM

I agree with a lot of what's been said. I also wanted to recount a friend's experience. Breast feeding was very important to her and her first two children were exclusively breastfed. She found herself dreading feeding number 3. She was unwell during the pregnancy and it just felt like an awfully long time since she'd had her body to herself. The approach she ended up taking was to buy some bottles and formula and have them available on a no guilt basis.

As it happened, she got to about 6 weeks with no formula, but was then feeling the exhaustion set in and her husband started giving formula feeds once or twice a day while she slept. While she was awake, she breastfed. Of course, that affected her supply, but she had decided to live with that. By six months, the baby was down to one or two breast feeds a day, and was totally weaned by 12 months. Five years on, she is happy with how it worked out. She says that compromising her commitment to breast feeding allowed her to be a happier parent, which was ultimately more important. However, she's also pleased she didn't move immediately to exclusive formula feeding, as she was able to enjoy her breast feeding experience more when she had already decided it wasn't something she "had" to do.

#16 Guest_Sunnycat_*

Posted 05 January 2013 - 12:43 PM

I think if I do end up FF ill comp feed at first.

#17 niggles

Posted 05 January 2013 - 12:58 PM

I breastfed my first very happily until she was 2 years old. Weaning was a gradual and easy process.

I'm still breastfeeding my second (1 year old) but I'd rather not be so I can relate to your frustration somewhat. It's rarely been enjoyable for either of us really but he is very resistant to weaning and he is finding teething so unbearable that it's too painful for both of us for me to get firm about it.

Some things I'm doing to try and limit his feeding is wearing clothing that makes the breasts a bit harder to access (this helps both of us because he doesn't notice their instant availability and I am less inclined to just offer him a feed quite so often). Also spending more time away from him over the holidays has helped. He is fine without feeds even when I've spent 24 hours away from him but still insists on regular fussy fussy feeds once we're back together again. That said the break is rejuvenating and it reminds me that there are alternative ways to settle him.

Good luck with your decision and with getting some progress soon.

#18 AntiBourgeoisie

Posted 05 January 2013 - 01:07 PM

Hey Sunnycat. Everyone else has said everything so there's not much for me to say, advice wise.
What I will say, having notices your posts for some time, is that I think you're doing a stellar job in the face of adversity. And I bet your beautiful boy is too.
I'm not surprised your son wants familiar comfort. But, as Pooks as said, I do think he's old enough to be redirected to other forms of comfort.
It's NOT selfish to put your own needs into the mix. It's certainly not the case that you are prioritising your needs over your son, but that you are seeking a happy medium where he gets extra coping skills and you get a break.
Besides, and I hope this doesn't come across the wrong way... Your son has benefited from your breastmilk, doesn't it seem unfair that your second child might 'miss out' because your son has 'used up' your tolerance? Ok, that came out nowhere near what I was trying to say. I actually have no problem with formula whatsoever, and I oppose browbeating women into breastfeeding for any reasons... But if you WOULD breastfeed your second child if you had a bit of a break, but are considering not because you haven't - isn't it time to teach your son his very first lesson in sharing mum equally so everyone gets some of the 'good stuff' (whether that be breast milk, time, attention, financial resources, whatever)? (And maybe it's time for mum to learn that asking child a to compromise for child b is not only necessary but will happen all the time for everything?
I'm still not sure that came out as nicely as I meant it and I hope it doesn't sound like I'm pressuring you to breastfeed a baby when you mightn't want to, or flaming you for the situation.
In terms of day weaning, a friend got a lot of purchase out of the 'magic cuddle'. When her son wanted booby, she would say "no booby... But you can have a magic cuddle!!!" (With a huge amount of enthusiasm, and envelope him in a big wiggly rocky tickly shaky extended hug, which alway made him laugh, and then immediately distracted him with something the very instant the magic cuddle was over "now, lets look at this AMAZING bird on that tree" (again with a kind of vomit inducing amount of enthusiasm).
Don't doubt yourself Sunnycat. You're doin' good.


#19 Guest_Sunnycat_*

Posted 05 January 2013 - 01:14 PM

If I do FF the next one they will be comp fed so won't be entirely missing out on the benefits of breast milk.

It's all well and good for me to try and reduce the feeds and I have been trying but it's not working and it's distressing to DS. He goes from a happy, independent child to a miserable, clingy, crying child. This isn't me trying once then giving up, I keep going back to trying to wean, and then it takes weeks to recover and get him back to his happy old self. Then I leave it for a bit and try again.

Maybe when he's older and can communicate more it will have mre success but so far it hasn't been working. I'm not sure what else I can do except keep trying and I do try and it hadn't worked.

Edited by Sunnycat, 05 January 2013 - 01:16 PM.


#20 niggles

Posted 05 January 2013 - 01:18 PM

How is he with his eating, Sunnycat? I've managed to replace a late afternoon feed with a few tablespoons of thick yoghurt. If he hasn't had lots of wheat I'll also crumble some weetbix in it.

#21 AntiBourgeoisie

Posted 05 January 2013 - 01:24 PM

QUOTE (Sunnycat @ 05/01/2013, 02:14 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
It's all well and good for me to try and reduce the feeds and I have been trying but it's not working and it's distressing to DS. He goes from a happy, independent child to a miserable, clingy, crying child. This isn't me trying once then giving up, I keep going back to trying to wean, and then it takes weeks to recover and get him back to his happy old self. Then I leave it for a bit and try again.


Given everything else that's going on in his (and your!) life right now, this probably isn't surprising!
Like I said, I think you're doing a stellar job. And if this is what he needs, then I think to should be commended for persevering!

#22 Guest_Sunnycat_*

Posted 05 January 2013 - 01:26 PM

QUOTE (niggles @ 05/01/2013, 02:18 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
How is he with his eating, Sunnycat? I've managed to replace a late afternoon feed with a few tablespoons of thick yoghurt. If he hasn't had lots of wheat I'll also crumble some weetbix in it.


On my work days he eats HEAPS at my parents house. At home, barely eats at all. I offer, offer, offer but he doesn't eat much. I think I'm going to start offering food every hour. And if I can get him to just took boob for his nap, that would be good.

At the moment though he's cutting 7 teeth including 3 molars so he's been wanting boob a lot more.

I think he needs to go to Boobaholics Anonymous....which I will probably have to send him to when he hasn't weaned at 18  ph34r.gif

#23 Guest_Sunnycat_*

Posted 05 January 2013 - 01:30 PM

QUOTE (AntiBourgeoisie @ 05/01/2013, 02:24 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Given everything else that's going on in his (and your!) life right now, this probably isn't surprising!
Like I said, I think you're doing a stellar job. And if this is what he needs, then I think to should be commended for persevering!


I'm hoping when I go back to work more days he might start to reduce feeds. Also once his teeth come through things might settle down. At this point I'm thinking maybe he's just too young and not ready. He does seem a bit "slower to develop" than his peers.

#24 Jenflea

Posted 05 January 2013 - 03:38 PM

SEVEN teeth? My lord, the poor mite!

#25 SCARFACE CLAW

Posted 05 January 2013 - 03:49 PM

I had a lot of trouble breastfeeding DD, and only lasted 2 weeks (my nipples were a bloody mess).

I wasn't ready to give it another try with DS, and formula fed from day one, taking dostinex to stop the milk coming in. In the end though DS was airlifted to a different hospital / different city just after birth so it wouldn't have worked anyway, so I'm glad I had already made that decision. It worked perfectly for us, and DS was happy and healthy and we bonded well.

This time around I am going to give it another try (with nipple shields) mainly because I've had so much trouble losing the weight from DS! But if it doesn't work I will have no hesitations switching to FF.

So completely different situation to you, but I just wanted you to know that FF if it's what you choose is perfectly fine, you just have to be comfortable with your own decision. Good luck original.gif




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