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DS does not like crowds

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#1 SashaN

Posted 04 January 2013 - 05:06 PM

HI girls my DS is 4yrs 2months and i have found does not like crowds twice now we have gone to the beach and had a meltdown wanting to go then we went to a restaurant and he did not want to sit outside i think due to crowds.

Has anyone elses child done this?


#2 beabea

Posted 08 January 2013 - 01:26 AM

Yes. Lots of kids are like this. (And lots of others aren't.) I also think it waxes and wanes with different ages/stages and according to any other stressors they may be facing at that time (eg new schools, etc).

Ultimately I think it's important they learn how to cope with these sorts of situations, but note there is a difference between "teaching them how to cope" and "expecting them to like it" or "forcing them in at the deep end" or "figuring they'll get the hang of it if you reward/punish them enough". I don't have any magic techniques, but I notice there's a "spirited kids" thread just above this one and you may want to check out some of the resources there.  In the meantime, a few to get you started:

- Ten Mindful Minutes (Goldie Hawn)
- Raising The Spirited Child (this one will be on the other thread for sure... can't remember the author)
- Motherstyles (not really about kids but it will help you think about things in terms of personality and may help you balance needs within the family)
- The Explosive Child (really written about kids with proper behavioural disorders but the techniques can be used with any child, even if that child doesn't "need" them)

Edited by beabea, 08 January 2013 - 01:29 AM.

#3 baddmammajamma

Posted 08 January 2013 - 06:49 AM

Hi Sasha:

As a fellow mother of a child who is prone to meltdowns, your post struck a chord with me. I'm sure it's hard for you (and your son) when these episodes occur.

beabea has suggested some potentially helpful resources that you might check out, but I am going to go a step further.

Whenever I see a post from someone who is worried about their child's behavior, I take a quick peek at post history (not to stalk but rather, to get greater context so my answer might be more helpful). I see that you have been raising concerns about your son's behavior ever since you joined EB.

Given that, I would suggest that it's probably time to consider more than just advice from other mothers (as nice as we are wink.gif ) or self help manuals and think about getting some good professional support. The upside is that you can get advice that is tailored to your EXACT situation -- advice that takes your son's individual circumstances into account -- rather than general suggestions of what to do. Even if there is no "issue" with your son beyond challenging behavior, a good professional will able to give you advice on how to mitigate that behavior.

Is your son still struggling with his sleep? Before we found melatonin, my daughter could go-go-go until after midnight (as a three and four year old). It was exhausting and certainly didn't help her behavior either!

Anyway, if you are interested in consulting a specialist, you can ask your GP for a referral. You'd probably be best off seeing either a good child psychologist (we would be lost without ours!) or a good developmental paediatrician. Additionally, you can check with your local community health care center, as often they have professionals on board (incl. psychologists) who can offer counsel at little or no charge.

Good luck. If your son is anything like my daughter, he has a lot of really wonderful qualities, too. The key is to find a way to make those surface more than the tough stuff! original.gif

Edited by baddmammajamma, 08 January 2013 - 07:00 AM.

#4 mumto3princesses

Posted 08 January 2013 - 07:27 AM

Hi sasha, yep my DD#2 has pretty much always hated crowds. Even now she is 9yrs she still isn't fond of busy places. There is too much going on basically and it can get a bit much for her. We were out on the weekend and she was fine for most of the day but by early afternoon she had had enough.

Great advice from BMJ. You would have nothing to loose from an assessment. And you would have answers one way or another and also be pointed in the right direction for coping strategies even if the results show he has no issues.

#5 SashaN

Posted 09 January 2013 - 09:00 PM

HI girls thanks for all of your posts and advice i really appreciate it and the books that are helpful to read I will definitely look into them.

I contacted a place here where we live that helps in assessing child behaviour and helping you work with them and helping us coping and working out what strategies are best or helpful.

They do take 6 weeks to get in but at least its a start.

Thanks for all your wonderful advice and support.


#6 Chelli

Posted 09 January 2013 - 09:09 PM

My DD suffers from anxiety and can sometimes be adverse to crowds and unfamiliar situations. Great idea to get her some support, we took DD to a psychologist last year who gave her some coping techniques (she is older than your DS though) and it has worked a treat and really empowered her.

#7 lylac

Posted 09 January 2013 - 09:39 PM

Yes both of my two children don't like crowds.
My DS6 (ASD) doesn't like the noise, and my DD5 (waiting assessment) doesn't like other people being too close.
With the help of his Occupational Therapist my son has come a looong way!
Good Luck OP  original.gif

Edited by lylac, 09 January 2013 - 09:40 PM.

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