Jump to content

sleeping in separate rooms = doomed marriage?


  • Please log in to reply
81 replies to this topic

#1 imamumto3

Posted 04 January 2013 - 11:06 AM

was having a discussion last night with dh.  He has just discovered that his sister sleeps in a separate room to her DH and has done for the last few years.  I knew about it, but he only just found out.  The reason they do this is because her DH needs to have a good nights sleep so if she sleeps in a different room she wont disturb him when she has to get up to the kids or feed the baby.  The only time they share  a bed is when they are staying in a hotel room.

DH thinks that  their marriage is basically over because you should share a bed/bedroom if you are happily married.  I was pointing out other reasons why people might not share a room, such as one partner having to get up early for work etc but he still thinks it is odd.

so WDYT, does sleeping in separate rooms mean your marriage is doomed or is it quite a normal occurrence?

#2 Acidulous Osprey

Posted 04 January 2013 - 11:09 AM

We've had separate bedrooms for the past 18 years.

Works for us.

#3 Feral*Spikey*

Posted 04 January 2013 - 11:12 AM

I have to say, there are times when I really enjoy camping out in the spare room (which is also my study/dressing room and has a double bed). No noise, an entire bed to myself.... aaaah, the serenity.

I know of people who enjoy their separate rooms - usually some sort of health issues are involved - and still enjoy getting up to mischief. wink.gif Happy marriages in those cases.

#4 Falling Awake

Posted 04 January 2013 - 11:13 AM

I don't see why it would mean a death knell.

I would say most marriages that end had the couple sleeping in the same room.

How much less stress could there be if you didn't have to worry about snoring, for example? I know I certainly sleep better when my DH is not in the bed.  




#5 Kay1

Posted 04 January 2013 - 11:16 AM

I am sleeping in the baby's room most nights at the moment. Its just easier for me when I'm half asleep to get him from across the room as he still wakes frequently. It also allows DH to sleep all night before he goes to work.

I don't like it much though and we generally at least start out in the same bed but I don't think on its own it means anything much.

#6 dynamitee

Posted 04 January 2013 - 11:17 AM

Our friends have been sleeping in separate rooms since before they were married.  Seems to work for them fine.

Probably could have done with a separate room myself last night.  DH keeps rolling over to my side.

#7 Guest_Sunnycat_*

Posted 04 January 2013 - 11:18 AM

I don't the it's the end of a marriage. What if one partner epically snores or something? I know I would t be able put up with that and would rather sleep in a separate room.

#8 aussierach

Posted 04 January 2013 - 11:18 AM

my grandparents.. slept in seprate rooms for all bar the first 10 years of their marriage.. had 4 children.. and were married for over 50 yrs when my granddad passed certainly did their marriage no harm.. me well I prefer sleeping beside my hubby.. but we have friends who married in their late 30's and have never shared a bed they have been married 10 + yrs

#9 Phasmatis angelam

Posted 04 January 2013 - 11:19 AM

Hhmm, depends.  Do I end up making both beds?   wink.gif

I think it's a silly question.  A happy marriage is about so much more than where and how you sleep.

#10 baddmammajamma

Posted 04 January 2013 - 11:20 AM

Ill informed comment from your husband, OP.

Separate rooms doesn't have to mean lack of connection, respect, or intimacy.

My husband & I rarely share the same bed (kids with sleep issues, and I find that co-sleeping with them is what works right now), but I'm pretty confident that our marriage and our sex life are way healthier than many who DO share beds with their partners.

It really depends on the couple.

#11 Charri36

Posted 04 January 2013 - 11:22 AM

We don't sleep in the same bed, well we kind of do....
We have a bed arrangement called a "double double" - we laugh about it.

It's two double beds pushed together, with matching bedding, we LOVE IT. We are both light sleepers and we'd both wake up if either one of us moved in bed, it was awful. We have been doing this for 13 years. Very happy.

#12 elco

Posted 04 January 2013 - 11:24 AM

I don't necessarily think it means doomed marriage but I know two couples who have slept in separate rooms and both of their relationships failed. I am lucky that other than DH hogging the bed sometimes I much prefer him in the bed than not... I cannot sleep properly unless we are in bed together... he is a lovely sleeping companion.

#13 Oriental lily

Posted 04 January 2013 - 11:24 AM

DH and I have had seperate beds and seperate rooms for nearly five years.

I believe hat DH and I have one of the strongest, happiest marriages within our group familes and friends.
It started wen I was pregnant with our second child and continued when I co slept with baby and then when I got pregnant with our third child.

Now I have the master bedroom and he has a double bed in the back room with his pc and many video games and 'stuff'.


It's great not needing to deal with his 'stuff' and his snoring.

I also snore so likewise I don't annoy him.

We share my bed at night while reading, snuggling and being intimate biggrin.gif .

But once it's time for serious zzzzzzzzs he pops into his bed.

And I can stretch out and enjoy my nice queen size bed wth my own chosen bed lines and sleep by myself in




Until the the hoard of children invade both our beds in the middle of the night lol.




Op it's about why they are not saring a bed compared if.

If its due to hostility and tension then of course is a significant sign of problems.

But if it's due to convenience and both mutually preffer then it's great!

I reccomend it to all if you have the space.

Edited by Oriental lily, 04 January 2013 - 11:28 AM.


#14 dulcinea

Posted 04 January 2013 - 11:25 AM

We don't share a bed most nights, lots of reasons, kids, DH is a light sleeper etc.

We do enjoy sleeping in the same bed occasionally, it's like a special treat. But we do go back to our separate bedrooms after a few nights together, it just works better. We both get more rest and are happier for it.

And it doesn't stop us having "relations". That's what weekend daytime ABC2 is for, no?

#15 FeralLIfeHacker

Posted 04 January 2013 - 11:27 AM

.

Edited by lifehacker, 13 January 2013 - 11:32 AM.


#16 dulcinea

Posted 04 January 2013 - 11:27 AM

QUOTE (Charri36 @ 04/01/2013, 12:22 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
We don't sleep in the same bed, well we kind of do....
We have a bed arrangement called a "double double" - we laugh about it.

It's two double beds pushed together, with matching bedding, we LOVE IT. We are both light sleepers and we'd both wake up if either one of us moved in bed, it was awful. We have been doing this for 13 years. Very happy.


ohhh, I love this, this might work for us, too!

#17 Jane Jetson

Posted 04 January 2013 - 11:28 AM

I think separate rooms is *good* for our marriage. DH is a sweaty, sweaty man in summer and I do not like sleeping with someone that's going to roll on me and cover me in a generous layer of their stinking, wet perspiration.

Also, he snores and I suffer from very bad allergies, so we probably sleep separately about three-quarters of the time in order to get some sleep! And anyway, sleeping separately does not at all mean ruling out nookie prior to lights out time so I don't see the issue.

#18 Three Of Hearts

Posted 04 January 2013 - 11:28 AM

I am a very light sleeper.  Takes me hours to get to sleep and I wake up at the slightest noise.  DH on the other hand is asleep within minutes, snores, coughs, talks, kicks and pats me all through the night.  Can make for a very grumpy Allie sometimes!!  

I've been telling him if it keeps up he may just be moving to the spare room!  Doesn't mean I love him any less, I just need a good nights sleep!

#19 Bluemakede

Posted 04 January 2013 - 11:29 AM

My parents have slept in separate rooms for about 10 years now, my dad snores like he's trying to demolish the house (though mums hearing is so bad now she can't hear him), and mum has some health issues so is always up and down through the night. She takes the room closest to the living areas so she doesn't wake anyone else up. Has worked great for them, they both now dread when they are away and have to share a bed, they prefer the space.

I spend more time at my parents over night to help them, than I do sleeping in the bed with my other half (not that there's much sleeping at the same time he works nights) and quite enjoy having a bed to myself, and also having a whole other house to go to when he's giving me the irrits. We have a better relationship all round than I had with my ex who took offence to me even staying up later than him, let alone sleeping in a separate bed.

I don't really think sleeping in the same bed = death knell for the marriage, there's so many other variables.

#20 Maple Leaf

Posted 04 January 2013 - 11:30 AM

Dh and I generally sleep apart now. He suffers from insomnia off and on and there is no way I feel like dealing with that!

It works better for both of us.

#21 MarigoldMadge

Posted 04 January 2013 - 11:31 AM

when we renovate and will finally have a spare room, I'm definitely going to sleep there 3-4 nights a week.

My husband tosses and turns all night, scratches all night, often wakes up at 3,4am, and invariable wakes me up. He's also a cuddler, and I'm not - most nights I end up perched on the side of the bed as I subconsciously move away, but then he moves too in his sleep.... so I end up pinned on the edge, with a twitching husband spooning my back, leg over my hip, pinning me there until I wake up and give him a massive shove back to his side... and then it starts all over again.

I'm so tired - he was away for two nights in December - made me realise how exhausted I was, and much quality sleep I'm missing out on. It will probably do wonders for our marriage, me less tired/resentful/irritated!

#22 No girls here

Posted 04 January 2013 - 11:34 AM

It's a no from me.  I have sleeping problems and if I had to share a bed with DH every night I would probably start to resent him keeping me awake.

We have a spare bedroom, which I move into a few nights a week.  I nearly always start out in the same bed though, unless I am extremely tired or one of us is sick.  It was probably more frequent when DH used to snore every night.

#23 Feral timtam

Posted 04 January 2013 - 11:35 AM

Whenever they had the room for it my PIL's have had separate rooms, FIL's clutter drives MIL spare! She also has restless leg syndrome and is impossible to share a bed with. They're still going strong after 35 years of marriage.

My BIL and his wife share a bed every night, they've only been married a year and already their marriage is on the rocks. Their couch isn't very comfortable so they have to share that bed.

DH and I sleep together most nights but have options for when of us is not in the mood to share a bed or the situation calls for separate beds. We're experiencing a lot more marital harmony than BIL and his wife!

#24 zande

Posted 04 January 2013 - 11:37 AM

DH and I have had separate rooms for years now, and our marriage is fine! I started occasionally sleeping in the spare room when I was pregnant as I must have started sleeping lighter and couldn't bear DH's snoring. Then babies and co-sleeping came along, and it went from there. We bought a new house last year that has enough bedrooms for me to have my own! I love it. DH and I have completely different night and morning routines, I would never get any sleep if we slept together.

#25 LittleRB

Posted 04 January 2013 - 11:38 AM

Depends on the circumstances.

I co-slept with DS. DH is a very heavy sleeper and when has a few beers before bed, he easily would have rolled over and crushed poor DS. So he slept in the spare room.

Also - he has back problems. When DH's back plays up, he sleeps on a futon in the lounge.

DH says he finds it harder to get out of bed on time when he has to start work early if he's in the bed with me because we snuggle and no one listens to the alarms. We've slept in several times doing this. Oops.

As long as you are still *ahem* doing the deed with your partner, love them e.t.c. I don't see the big issue.

I couldn't sleep permanently away from DH but I will admit it's soooooooooo nice having a queen size bed to yourself and stretching out like a starfish... original.gif




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Tot meets his heroes, falls apart with excitement

Two-year-old Quincy finished his potty training last week, and as part of his reward he was able to meet his idols.

Beautiful in our eyes: Georgia's story

I will never deny the fact that grief has a place when you give birth to a child who brings a set of circumstances very different to what you imagined. Because for nine months, I thought I knew my Georgie.

'It's been phenomenal': widower dad of quads thankful for support

There was nothing Erica and Carlos wanted more than a baby.

Vin Diesel names daughter after actor Paul Walker

The actor said there was "no other person" he was thinking about when he chose the name.

How midwives can help women who experience domestic violence

More than half of women who live with abusive partners experience violence during pregnancy.

Mum describes giving birth during Cyclone Pam

A new mother was told she must flee Port Vila hospital with her baby as Cyclone Pam bore down.

6 signs you're done having babies

There were a few signs I'm never going back to the land of maternity jeans, breast pumps and bassinets.

Marta Dusseldorp reveals breastfeeding cost her an acting job

Australian actress Marta Dusseldorp has revealed she was forced to withdraw from a Sydney Theatre Company production because a director did not approve of her breast feeding.

Female celebs (or their babies) with traditionally male names

Looking for a name that's a little bit different for a girl? Turn to names that have been traditionally used for males, as these celebs (or their parents) did.

'If you're anti-immunisation ... take a look at this picture of my son'

Greg Hughes is "an absolute shell of a man" as he and his wife Catherine struggle to come to terms with the loss of their newborn son Riley to whooping cough.

How an extrovert can raise an introvert

Introverts are often misunderstood as shy, and sometimes even rude. A timid child can be difficult to build rapport with, but it's important we nurture their sensitive natures.

Sheryl Sandberg's advice

'Choreplay': Help out at home to get more sex, Sandberg tells men

Forget foreplay. The new and improved route to intercourse is "choreplay" - it's good for your spouse, good for your house, and comes with the imprimatur of feminist du jour Sheryl Sandberg.

How to play with your baby

The first time your child learns a new skill at playtime is very exciting - for both you and your baby! Play is important to your child's development for a variety of reasons - here are some simple ideas for you to try at home.

I'm a single mother by choice

For me, being the best mother I can be means being a mum alone, at least for now. Thinking of my friends with inadequate partners, I wonder why more people don’t choose single motherhood.

Awkward wedding photos

Weird poses, surprise photobombs, bizarre editing: these are the wedding photos that should have never seen the light of day.

Four-week-old baby Riley Hughes dies of whooping cough

The mother of a four-week-old Perth baby who died after contracting whooping cough says her family has been left devastated by the loss of her "gorgeous, sweet" son.

Win a Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom prize pack

To celebrate the April 1 release of Holly's Magic Wand on DVD and Digital, we are giving away five DVD packs featuring the newest installment of Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom Holly's Magic Wand and many more hours of family entertainment! Enter Now!

Oh boy! Video shows family's reaction to baby surprise

Little Peyton Williams thought she was getting a baby sister named Charlee. But the two-year-old has had to settle for a doll dressed in pink after her baby "sister" turned out to be a boy.

How to help build up your baby's immune system

We all know that having a strong immune system is the best way to stay healthy – but what can we do to help it along?

'Nick, you need to call an ambulance': home birth mum's tragic death

A Melbourne mum who died after the home birth of her baby pleaded with her husband to call an ambulance because she felt she was going to die, the Victorian Coroners Court has heard.

When dads believe their baby doesn't 'like' them

Q: My two-month-old baby doesn't like me. He's perfectly content with my wife, but when I try to hold him, he gets upset and cries. I've backed off a little, thinking that he just needs a little time to get used to me, but that doesn't seem to be working. I'm starting to think I'm just not a very good dad. Is it too late for me to build a relationship with my baby?

When was the last time a stranger praised your parenting?

Wouldn’t it be great to get some nice feedback every now and then? After all, everyone likes to hear positive praise, particularly when it comes to parenting.

Special Ticket Offer, Save $8!

The Essential Baby & Toddler Show is back this April! Save $8 off the door price for a limited time only!

15 names on the verge of extinction

If you're looking to revive an older name, or don’t want anything near the top 1000 list, check out these rare monikers for your unique baby.

5 characteristics of great dads

It’s great to see a generation of dads who are more actively involved with caring, nurturing and loving their kids.

Why doesn't Australia have more breast milk banks?

When there’s no question that milk banks are important, why don’t we have more of them in Australia?

Carrie Bickmore announces birth of daughter

Television personality Carrie Bickmore has given birth to her second child.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Sign up to our 30 days of #PlayIQ challenge

Sign up to receive 30 amazing tips and ideas for play with baby during the month of April and submit a picture or tip on our social wall for a chance to win an amazing Fisher-Price prize pack.

Man faces jail after giving woman abortion pill smoothie

A Norwegian man is facing jail after putting abortion pills in his ex-girlfriend's smoothie, causing her to have a miscarriage.

'He's a blessing': family of baby born without eyes

Jordy Jackson was born without eyes. He has anophthalmia, which affects one in every 100,000 babies born.

Win one of 5 Cadbury Easter Hampers

With Easter fast approaching, Cadbury are giving away 5 Cadbury Easter Hampers. Enter Now!

Super fit model Sarah Stage defends her pregnancy body

Model Sarah Stage has defended her pregnancy body after critics claimed her slim figure at eight-and-a-half months pregnant wasn't "normal".

Win a Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom and Peppa Pig prize pack

To celebrate the April 1 release of Holly's Magic Wand on DVD and Digital, Essential Baby and Entertainment One are giving away five bumper DVD packs featuring the newest installment of Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom Holly's Magic Wand and many more hours of family entertainment! Enter Now!

Why I post breastfeeding photos online

I love to take pictures of my children. In some of the pictures, my younger son is nursing.

The day I broke my baby

There are things I wish I didn't know. I wish I didn't know that companies make tiny braces, small enough to hold necks no bigger than a wrist.

The place just for dads of multiples

When a couple discovers they're expecting multiples, the dad can sometimes be almost forgotten in all the excitement and preparation. But one group offers a space just for dads of twins and higher-order multiples.

Brave mum calls for domestic violence law reform

A brave mum of two has shared details of the harrowing attacks she suffered at the hands of her partner in a bid to help other victims of domestic violence.

Why I had the new test for Down syndrome

Early last year I turned 35, and having just found out I was pregnant, I opted to have the new test for Down syndrome.

Geeky baby gear

If your family is more into Star Wars, gaming and the periodic table than most, you might want to check out these geek-chic baby items.

2015: the year of the sheep

According to the Chinese zodiac, babies born in the year of the sheep are creative and enjoy spending quiet time with their own thoughts.

Breakthrough genetic testing now available in Australia

Pregnant women will for the first time have access to locally analysed, accurate, non-invasive pre-natal genetic testing when the first Australian clinic to offer the services opens its doors next week.

Grandbabies: the babies born looking old

Not a day under 65 and a lifetime of struggle! That's the look of these newborns, who look adorably older than their real age. Social networking site Reddit recently featured user submissions of adorable grandbabies, here are our favourites.

Family kicked off flight after toddler seatbelt drama

An entire family was kicked off a Cathay Pacific flight when a misbehaving toddler refused to put his seatbelt on.

Stolen baby found after 17 years

A baby stolen from her mother's arms shortly after birth has been found through an astonishing coincidence.

53 creative pregnancy announcements

Announcing that you're expecting can be a time to express your creativity, sense of humour and imagination. Check out how other parents and parents-to-be have broken the news to friends and family.

IKEA hacks for the nursery and kids' rooms

Are you one of those that know the whole IKEA catalogue by heart? Love their stuff but want to personalise it? Here's some inspiration to help you realise the potential of IKEA furniture and fittings.

36 baby names inspired by food and drinks

A French court may have ruled out Nutella as a baby name, but that doesn't have to stop you from taking inspiration from the supermarket (or bottle shop). See what parents in the US have chosen for their delicious little ones.

Clever breastfeeding products

Check out this range of products designed to help make your breastfeeding journey more enjoyable, manageable and convenient.

 

Sign up now!

30 days of #PlayIQ challenge

Receive a daily email from Essential Baby during April with great play tips and ideas, then submit your baby at play photos to our Playwall, Instagram or Twitter for your chance to win.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.