Jump to content

Dealing with Pregnancy after Miscarriage
How to get over my fears


  • Please log in to reply
20 replies to this topic

#1 hanz33

Posted 03 January 2013 - 02:27 PM

I had a miscarriage in 1st of december, my husband and I decided to try straight after the miscarriage that we would try again as the doctor said it was fine so long as we were emotionally ready.  We tried a week after the miscarriage and I can't believe it, I am pregnant again.



I thought I was emotionally ready but I am so fearful of losing this baby. I don't know how I will coup having a second miscarriage.. I'm scared to even sneeze and every little cramp or movement down their I think I am about to have one!

I don't know if I should move, not move, not excerise or excerise since I am a runner. Should I have sex, shouldn't I have sex? etc and I am even worried that I am stressing too much and that could be a casue for a miscarriage as well.

Anybody else have this problem , any tips on dealing with it?

#2 epl0822

Posted 03 January 2013 - 02:37 PM

I'm really sorry for your first loss, and congratulations on your second pregnancy.

I know many people who miscarried, who went onto have very healthy and happy babies. The vast majority of miscarriages occur because something didn't click into place during the complex process of turning a zygote into human. It is absolutely nothing to do with what you did/didn't do etc.

I know this is easier said than done but please don't stress. It is highly improbable that your concerns about the pregnancy will cause you to miscarry, but it is unnecessary and won't change anything. Think of women who do all sorts of things during pregnancy - our mothers came from a generation where doctors advised them to smoke to ease morning sickness! I can think of so many of my friends who did and ate and drank all sorts of stuff before discovering they were pregnant. One of them was in a highly stressful job and survived on several energy drinks a day before finding out she was pregnant almost at the end of her first trimester. Her baby is totally fine.

Carry on with your life as normal and enjoy the exercise you used to do before. I believe the recommendation is to continue exercise as usual, adjust it to your new comfort levels (you might be too tired to jog like you used to) but don't start anything new or over exert yourself.

Please enjoy your pregnancy original.gif it is such a special time.

#3 JuliaD

Posted 03 January 2013 - 02:39 PM

After 2 mc, I know exactly how you feel!
It's a really emotional and stressful time, and the innocence of pregnancy is just completely lost.
I just take each day as it comes, and even though I have been dealing with ms etc, I am taking it as a positive sign that everything is ok.
An early ultrasound was also really helpful (early being 8 weeks, heard a strong heartbeat) so see if your doctor will refer you to have one.
I know I have had 2 mc, but the statistics really are on your side - you are just as likely as anyone else to carry a healthy baby to term - I find knowing this is also comforting.
As for things you can/cannot do - well please just know that its likely that nothing you did caused your first mc - it was just not viable, and would never have survived in the real world. I personally completely lose my libido anyway for the 1st trimester (never experienced 2nd - yet) so don't feel like sex anyway. As for exercise - go for it, just maybe back it off a little bit and don't let yourself overheat.

Finally - Congratulations, and good luck!!

#4 Natttmumm

Posted 03 January 2013 - 04:22 PM

After having miscarriages I know how you feel. All I know is that for the ones that stuck I didn't do anything different e.g stress less, be less active etc.
Its easy to say but try not to stress as it doesn't help at all. I kept reminding myself that there's nothing I can do so no point stressing over it. Hang in there and try to think about other things if you can

#5 KDA

Posted 03 January 2013 - 04:34 PM

Sorry for your loss.

I have had 2 miscarriages one after the other, and I didn't do anything different with either pregnancy compared to my first pregnancy which resulted in my daughter. As PP said, majority of them are from something not forming right with bub, my Ob explained that to me after my 2nd one as I feared I was doing something wrong. I'm also currently pregnant again and am also stressing about another miscarriage but just trying to take it as it comes and not stressing over it. If its meant to be it will be.

Congratulations and best of luck with this pregnancy.

#6 *mylittleprince*

Posted 03 January 2013 - 04:37 PM

Easier said than done but try not to worry. I didn't' enjoy my pregnancy until the first scan where I saw everything was safe. I fell pregnant with twins original.gif

All the best.

#7 Fillyjonk

Posted 03 January 2013 - 04:39 PM

Take it one day at a time and if you need a paranoia scan here and there, do it.

#8 Koobie83

Posted 03 January 2013 - 06:57 PM

Congratulations! biggrin.gif

I've had 2 miscarriages too - both were unplanned and totally unexpected. The second was extremely tough. So with this pregnancy I've hardly gone a day without worrying about something. I wish I could relax and 'enjoy' it as I see most people or how other people assume I should, but it's hard. Especially after I had that bleed early on - that freaked me out big time.

So me telling you not to stress is a bit hypocritcal when I should be saying that to myself more than anyone. All I can say is that you are not alone and many many pregnancies end up in miscarriage. They happen for all sorts of reasons and most of the time it isn't your fault.

If you are worried that your running is risky talk to your doctor. They say that as long as you keep up your exercise that you've been doing already this is fine. But on the flip side you also hear doctors saying that your heart rate and blood pressure is important to keep steady, and when you are exercising you should still be able to hold a conversation with someone.

Good luck and stress less! Worrying about our babies is natural - we're mothers.

#9 kez71

Posted 03 January 2013 - 07:18 PM

Congrats on your new pregnancy!!

Ive had 3 mc's in a row and am currently 26 weeks pregnant with hopefully our first baby. For myself what helped was to accept that I would worry. How can you not after experiencing losses. Even now at 6 months I still dread seeing the toilet paper incase its red. I still worry about moving too much, or pushing too much when doing number 2's, I worry when DH and I do the deed. I worry when i have a cramp. but i accept it as inevitable and i believe it takes off a lot of the stress. Let the worry happen and to be honest, its one less thing to worry about. strange as that may sound.
I hope that helps. Chances are this pregnancy will continue and you'll have a lovely baby soon!

#10 Mousky

Posted 03 January 2013 - 07:33 PM

I'm sorry op,  but I never did. I'm 39 weeks after 3 mc in a row and worried about everything. In fact the only time I didn't worry was when I had such bad morning sickness I was told to go to hospital (I didn't as hospital is where I always ended up after mc). I'm now overly paranoid about stillbirth and am so stressed that I'm not showing any signs of labour. My stress has made this pregnancy horrible, so much so that I don't think I'll go back for more.

I really hope you don't stress as much as me. I regret not going to counselling, it might be worth a try if you are.

#11 Wildence

Posted 03 January 2013 - 09:52 PM

Hi OP

i am almost 30 weeks pregnant now, and i just take one day a at a time.
I worry and stress, and i think this is normal. once your baby is born, you will be back to worrying and stressing about other things. this is how life is.
some people suggested to do an early scan, yep, you should go for it. I had mine just after 6 weeks, and we saw a HB. i would recommend doing the same scan but probably after 8 weeks, as 6 might be too early.
you could also ask your DR to test hcg levels and monitor them for a couple of weeks.

dont forget that with every week, you have less chances to miscarry.

Congratulations! 2013 must be your year!

#12 .MrsM.

Posted 04 January 2013 - 06:47 AM

congratulations on your pregnancy.

im very sorry for your loss though. i really do understand, i got pregnant with this baby straight after a miscarriage. logically i knew that there was nothing i could do to stop it from happening again, that it was a very day by day thing, but that doesn't make the paranoia go away.
i didn't connect well with the pregnancy until the 12wk scan was done and all looked good. it made the first trimester not enjoyable. then you start worrying that something will be wrong with bub when its born...

good luck with your pregnancy xxx

#13 purple_daisy

Posted 04 January 2013 - 01:42 PM

Congrats OP!

I empathise completely with your fears. I was so happy to see your post because I've been struggling too - as a person who lost a child at 23 weeks last time I find it very hard and not helpful when people tell you that the risk is so low after 8 weeks etc.

If it helps at all, I think your reaction is quite normal and common. I am 19+ weeks and still check the toilet paper every time for pink sad.gif

Maybe it is worth getting some counselling since your fears are on the quite extreme side and you sound like you are doing it really tough. I spoke to a counsellor after my DD was born and while it didn't help heaps, it did take the edge off my feelings that I had somehow contributed to the loss - while I think the nerves will always be there to some extent, it couldn't hurt to try talking to someone?

Good luck!

#14 Nervy

Posted 04 January 2013 - 02:50 PM

Hi OP & congrats!

I was the same with my pregnancy with DS who is now 2.5 and the same with this pregnancy too. Can i say that with both pregnancies i had scans at 7 weeks +, 10 weeks , 12.5w and 15weeks, and it has helped SO MUCH. I would do the same IF there are any more pregnancies for me. I would get to one scan, be relieved and only wait a short time until my next one. I could no way wait from BFP to the 12 week scan, i would have gone mental with worry! That worked for me. Good luck, i know exactley how you feel x

#15 ausbokkie

Posted 05 January 2013 - 08:42 AM

I'm sorry for what you have been through. I have been there twice and was, understandably, very nervy through the first trimester of this pregnancy (actually still am in 2nd trimester).

I think the thing that helped me was that knowing that it is out of my control and knowing that my body will know what to do. Yes, there is always the possibility of having another one, but it is not something I can control. I have coped in the past and even though I don't want it to happen again, I would cope again if it did.

When I had panicky episodes, I found that having a mantra/affirmation to say to myself really helped - e.g. My body is nurturing this baby - I said something like this while breathing deeply, always the same thing. Search iTunes for pregnancy meditation/affirmations. I downloaded some to my ipod so I could always have it with me - there are also some free podcasts which are quite good, you just need to find one which you like and find comforting.

When I did have some bleeding, unfortunately Western medicine's response is usually that they can't stop anything happening. I turned to Chinese Medicine and had acupuncture. Whether this was the thing that stopped the bleeding or not I'm not entirely sure, but I liked the feeling that I was being proactive and it did help me to relax which probably helped.

Do what feels right for you in terms of exercise as everyone is different. You may feel that you need to go easy now, then later on in your pregnancy you might be able to start a bit more.

Good luck and the very best of wishes for you.

#16 Nut

Posted 05 January 2013 - 09:32 PM

I miscarried repeatedly over nearly three years. 12 times was the official count with a few others thrown in (fizzled before 5 weeks, were not on doctors records).

I totally get the fear.

There is one piece of advice I will give you. There is nothing you can do that will cause you to miscarry. Other than car accidents and things like that. There are times in pregnancy when a doctor will advise against sex, exercise and the like but that's usually if you're experiencing bleeding and other such potential complications.

Nothing you do in every day life will cause you to miscarry. If it happens, it will happen regardless. Stress is not great for you but at the end of the day that is not the easiest thing to control.

Fact is, you really do not know what is going to happen. The only way for that to be known is for time to pass and show you. I totally know what it's like. Every pregnancy I had I had little hurdles. How many blood tests would my HCG double before it fell. Would I get to an ultrasound? Would there be a heartbeat? Every hurdle I got through I thought "what if I lose it now?". When I saw a heartbeat with my son I was worse than ever because after going through so much the idea of losing him was... Not something I can describe. And I had bleeding twice with him too.

There is no need to stop having sex or running or just doing what you do from day to day. But if those things worry you, don't do them. Just do what you feel comfortable with. See your GP and organise to have an early scan done at about 7 weeks to see if the pregnancy is viable if you think that will help you.

Take it one day at a time. That is all you can do at the end of the day.

#17 hanz33

Posted 06 January 2013 - 07:31 AM

Thanks everyone for your comments. I'm just trying to take it day by day but I took a pregnancy test again that says how many weeks you are pregnant and it was lower than I expected. I got a bit upset and the hardest thing is my husband thinking I am over reacting and not giving me support but rather making me feel like an idiot. sad.gif Talk about extra lonely now :/

#18 ausbokkie

Posted 06 January 2013 - 08:29 AM

I know how you feel OP. It does begin to feel like no one understands but it's very different for you because it's your body. As hard as it is, try not to do any self-diagnosing, especially with pregnancy tests as they are not very accurate. I think after a loss it's fair enough to want to know how your hcg is increasing. Find an understanding gp/ob who will do at least 2 quantitative hcg tests at least 2 days apart to see how it is increasing. This is the only way to tell what's happening. Stay positive! Fingers crossed for you.

#19 Nut

Posted 06 January 2013 - 04:25 PM

Those tests are not quantitative. Don't do them. You will just make yourself feel worse if you do. HCG is such a varied thing and those tests only do so much. I have never been a fan of them.

If you feel the need, get a couple of blood tests done by your GP and see if your HCG is going up. It's the only way at this stage to get a better idea of what is happening, but it may also not make you feel any better.





#20 Koobie83

Posted 06 January 2013 - 04:38 PM

Hanz33 - I know what you mean. My husband doesn't really get it either when I'm stressing about something. He makes me feel like an idiot too, or paranoid. It's hard for them to understand because it's not happening to them - with my husband he would not cope with pregnancy given the way he carries on about having a cold!
I wouldn't rely on those tests. I never did one and just took the regular ones - 8 times! The Hcg levels are different for everyone and depending on how much water you have had or what time you took the test the result can vary.
Keep us updated! The EB forum has helped ease my anxieties any times !

Edited by Koobie83, 06 January 2013 - 04:41 PM.


#21 hanz33

Posted 06 January 2013 - 07:40 PM

QUOTE (Koobie83 @ 06/01/2013, 04:38 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Hanz33 - I know what you mean. My husband doesn't really get it either when I'm stressing about something. He makes me feel like an idiot too, or paranoid. It's hard for them to understand because it's not happening to them - with my husband he would not cope with pregnancy given the way he carries on about having a cold!
I wouldn't rely on those tests. I never did one and just took the regular ones - 8 times! The Hcg levels are different for everyone and depending on how much water you have had or what time you took the test the result can vary.
Keep us updated! The EB forum has helped ease my anxieties any times !


Thanks Koobie original.gif Its good to here that my husband is just being a male and not out of the ordinary.

I think I have taken around 8 normal preg tests as well. lol but I still feel pregnant so I'm taking that as a good sign and my hunger levels are out of this world. I am so ashamed the amount of food I am eating at the moment! and I try stop myself but about 30 minutes after food im starving again. Doesn't make any sense!

I love this forum to bits I think it is keeping me sane original.gif






1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Show us your DUPLO creations to win!

We love to see the cool creations kids build when they play with LEGO DUPLO. Enter and share a picture of your childs creation for a chance to WIN 1 of 10 LEGO DUPLO prize packs worth over $100 each.

Jammy, Hula Hoop, Rage: Reddit reveals most unusual baby names

A recent Reddit thread has revealed some of the more creative names in the world.

Woman awakens from coma, learns she gave birth

A US woman awakened this week from a four-month-long coma that doctors had feared would be permanent and learned that she had given birth to a baby boy, according to her family.

'Give us a break': mum sent shocking letter over Facebook baby pics

Posting a lot of baby photos doesn't make you a bad person. It may make your Facebook feed a little irritating, but it doesn't make you a bad person.

In defense of the dads who do so much

It's time to shift the focus off what dads aren’t doing and shine it on what they are.

The modern cloth nappies too cute to cover up

If you're only just joining the modern cloth nappy movement, or would like to spruce up your collection, we have to introduce you to Designer Bums.

How breastfeeding can affect your libido

When you’ve just had a baby, having sex isn’t usually top priority. In fact, for a lot of women it rates about as appealing as changing another dirty nappy.

Should pregnant women be allowed to use 'parent and child' car parking spots?

Is it acceptable to use these car parking spots when pregnant? How many of us would admit to doing it?

Healthy baby from sperm taken 48 hours after a man died

Fertility doctors have described their "most extraordinary case" - creating a healthy baby from sperm taken 48 hours after a man had died.

Anti-vaccination mum's seven children contract whooping cough

A Canadian woman who had declined to have her children immunised against pertussis, better known as whooping cough, has changed her position now that all seven of her children have come down with the disease.

How pregnancy probiotics can help you and your baby

New research suggests that taking specific pregnancy probiotics could be the answer to a range of common pregnancy side effects.

Childcare is a big problem, but there's more to it

Let’s keep talking about these issues and not allow them to be put into a neat little box that’s labelled ‘Fix childcare and everything is solved’.

Pink's awesome response to body-shaming trolls

When trolls felt the need to comment on 35-year-old singer-songwriter Pink's weight, her answer was an awesome ode to body love.

Fertility clinic offers egg donors $5000

A national chain of fertility clinics is offering egg donors a $5000 payment to cover their expenses, a first for Australia which is raising concerns the money could act as an inducement.

Baby boy abandoned in India amid fresh surrogacy concerns

Australian officials could do nothing to stop an Australian couple from abandoning their baby son, born through surrogacy in India, after they decided they did not want to bring him to Australia.

Herd immunity and community responsibility: how free-riders can make kids suffer

Individual choice works for haircuts and handbags, but not for preventing infectious diseases that kill kids.

Photographer captures 'unexpected beauty' of birth

If there is one thing Leilani Rogers knows about childbirth, it is that no two deliveries are ever the same.

Expectations vs the reality of making a toddler's clothes

Note to self: less sewing, more life. Not the party dress, but the party. The toddler, as usual, has it all figured out.

Mum meets 'dead' daughter 49 years after birth

In 1965, Zella Jackson-Price was told her premature baby girl had died shortly after birth.

Sign up to our 30 days of #PlayIQ challenge

Sign up to receive 30 amazing tips and ideas for play with baby during the month of April and submit a picture or tip on our social wall for a chance to win an amazing Fisher-Price prize pack.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Sign up to our 30 days of #PlayIQ challenge

Sign up to receive 30 amazing tips and ideas for play with baby during the month of April and submit a picture or tip on our social wall for a chance to win an amazing Fisher-Price prize pack.

Tips for flying with a baby

Travelling with kids requires a whole other set of skills - ones that I have learned through (sometimes unfortunate) trial and error.

How to stay calm in an emergency

I’m not expecting you to be as calm as you might be right now. What I mean is that if your panic levels are through the roof during a stressful situation, let’s bring them down to just under the ceiling.

Toddler gets 'drunk' after cranberry juice mix-up

A toddler was taken to hospital after a waitress served her sangria instead of cranberry juice at a US restaurant.

Show us your toddlers LEGO DUPLO creations

We love to see the cool creations kids build when they play with LEGO DUPLO. Enter and share a picture of your childs creation for a chance to WIN 1 of 10 LEGO DUPLO prize packs worth over $100 each.

We need to stop using this word when we talk about childbirth

Is it shaming to point out that women are often being let down in birth?

The certificate helping parents deal with pregnancy loss

For some people, this certificate will offer a sense of validation that their child was acknowledged as being here and now gone, and will help them with life post-loss.

The phenomenon of phantom pregnancy kicks

'Phantom pregnancy kicks’ are encountered by many mums months - or even years - after their pregnancy is over.

The health insurance advice you can't afford to ignore

There's one simple switch that could save you hundreds of dollars a year in private health insurance.

4D scans show how smoking affects babies still in the womb

The harmful effects of smoking during pregnancy on unborn babies may be seen in tiny movements in their faces using 4D ultrasound scans, research has found.

The most dangerous toddler food trends

Pete Evans' paleo cookbook for kids caused a storm, but there are plenty of other unsafe food trends for babies and toddlers.

Infection killed new mum of twins

Modern medicine could not save 19-year-old Sophie Burgess who died 48 hours after giving birth to twins in the UK.

How to babyproof your job interview

Once upon a time, I was a fan of job interviews. That all changed after I'd switched careers, had a baby and decided to spend the first year at home with her.

Grieving families give warnings after toddler deaths

Two Queensland families are grieving the loss of their toddler sons after the boys drowned in separate incidents last week.

Man faces jail after giving woman abortion pill smoothie

A Norwegian man is facing jail after putting abortion pills in his ex-girlfriend's smoothie, causing her to have a miscarriage.

'He's a blessing': family of baby born without eyes

Jordy Jackson was born without eyes. He has anophthalmia, which affects one in every 100,000 babies born.

Super fit model Sarah Stage defends her pregnancy body

Model Sarah Stage has defended her pregnancy body after critics claimed her slim figure at eight-and-a-half months pregnant wasn't "normal".

Why I post breastfeeding photos online

I love to take pictures of my children. In some of the pictures, my younger son is nursing.

The day I broke my baby

There are things I wish I didn't know. I wish I didn't know that companies make tiny braces, small enough to hold necks no bigger than a wrist.

Geeky baby gear

If your family is more into Star Wars, gaming and the periodic table than most, you might want to check out these geek-chic baby items.

Grandbabies: the babies born looking old

Not a day under 65 and a lifetime of struggle! That's the look of these newborns, who look adorably older than their real age. Social networking site Reddit recently featured user submissions of adorable grandbabies, here are our favourites.

53 creative pregnancy announcements

Announcing that you're expecting can be a time to express your creativity, sense of humour and imagination. Check out how other parents and parents-to-be have broken the news to friends and family.

IKEA hacks for the nursery and kids' rooms

Are you one of those that know the whole IKEA catalogue by heart? Love their stuff but want to personalise it? Here's some inspiration to help you realise the potential of IKEA furniture and fittings.

36 baby names inspired by food and drinks

A French court may have ruled out Nutella as a baby name, but that doesn't have to stop you from taking inspiration from the supermarket (or bottle shop). See what parents in the US have chosen for their delicious little ones.

Clever breastfeeding products

Check out this range of products designed to help make your breastfeeding journey more enjoyable, manageable and convenient.

 

SIGN UP NOW!

Win a year's worth of toys

Receive a daily email from Essential Baby for just the month of April with great play tips and ideas, then submit your baby at play photos to our Playwall, Instagram or Twitter for your chance to win.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.