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Dealing with Pregnancy after Miscarriage
How to get over my fears


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#1 hanz33

Posted 03 January 2013 - 02:27 PM

I had a miscarriage in 1st of december, my husband and I decided to try straight after the miscarriage that we would try again as the doctor said it was fine so long as we were emotionally ready.  We tried a week after the miscarriage and I can't believe it, I am pregnant again.



I thought I was emotionally ready but I am so fearful of losing this baby. I don't know how I will coup having a second miscarriage.. I'm scared to even sneeze and every little cramp or movement down their I think I am about to have one!

I don't know if I should move, not move, not excerise or excerise since I am a runner. Should I have sex, shouldn't I have sex? etc and I am even worried that I am stressing too much and that could be a casue for a miscarriage as well.

Anybody else have this problem , any tips on dealing with it?

#2 epl0822

Posted 03 January 2013 - 02:37 PM

I'm really sorry for your first loss, and congratulations on your second pregnancy.

I know many people who miscarried, who went onto have very healthy and happy babies. The vast majority of miscarriages occur because something didn't click into place during the complex process of turning a zygote into human. It is absolutely nothing to do with what you did/didn't do etc.

I know this is easier said than done but please don't stress. It is highly improbable that your concerns about the pregnancy will cause you to miscarry, but it is unnecessary and won't change anything. Think of women who do all sorts of things during pregnancy - our mothers came from a generation where doctors advised them to smoke to ease morning sickness! I can think of so many of my friends who did and ate and drank all sorts of stuff before discovering they were pregnant. One of them was in a highly stressful job and survived on several energy drinks a day before finding out she was pregnant almost at the end of her first trimester. Her baby is totally fine.

Carry on with your life as normal and enjoy the exercise you used to do before. I believe the recommendation is to continue exercise as usual, adjust it to your new comfort levels (you might be too tired to jog like you used to) but don't start anything new or over exert yourself.

Please enjoy your pregnancy original.gif it is such a special time.

#3 JuliaD

Posted 03 January 2013 - 02:39 PM

After 2 mc, I know exactly how you feel!
It's a really emotional and stressful time, and the innocence of pregnancy is just completely lost.
I just take each day as it comes, and even though I have been dealing with ms etc, I am taking it as a positive sign that everything is ok.
An early ultrasound was also really helpful (early being 8 weeks, heard a strong heartbeat) so see if your doctor will refer you to have one.
I know I have had 2 mc, but the statistics really are on your side - you are just as likely as anyone else to carry a healthy baby to term - I find knowing this is also comforting.
As for things you can/cannot do - well please just know that its likely that nothing you did caused your first mc - it was just not viable, and would never have survived in the real world. I personally completely lose my libido anyway for the 1st trimester (never experienced 2nd - yet) so don't feel like sex anyway. As for exercise - go for it, just maybe back it off a little bit and don't let yourself overheat.

Finally - Congratulations, and good luck!!

#4 Natttmumm

Posted 03 January 2013 - 04:22 PM

After having miscarriages I know how you feel. All I know is that for the ones that stuck I didn't do anything different e.g stress less, be less active etc.
Its easy to say but try not to stress as it doesn't help at all. I kept reminding myself that there's nothing I can do so no point stressing over it. Hang in there and try to think about other things if you can

#5 KDA

Posted 03 January 2013 - 04:34 PM

Sorry for your loss.

I have had 2 miscarriages one after the other, and I didn't do anything different with either pregnancy compared to my first pregnancy which resulted in my daughter. As PP said, majority of them are from something not forming right with bub, my Ob explained that to me after my 2nd one as I feared I was doing something wrong. I'm also currently pregnant again and am also stressing about another miscarriage but just trying to take it as it comes and not stressing over it. If its meant to be it will be.

Congratulations and best of luck with this pregnancy.

#6 *mylittleprince*

Posted 03 January 2013 - 04:37 PM

Easier said than done but try not to worry. I didn't' enjoy my pregnancy until the first scan where I saw everything was safe. I fell pregnant with twins original.gif

All the best.

#7 Fillyjonk

Posted 03 January 2013 - 04:39 PM

Take it one day at a time and if you need a paranoia scan here and there, do it.

#8 Koobie83

Posted 03 January 2013 - 06:57 PM

Congratulations! biggrin.gif

I've had 2 miscarriages too - both were unplanned and totally unexpected. The second was extremely tough. So with this pregnancy I've hardly gone a day without worrying about something. I wish I could relax and 'enjoy' it as I see most people or how other people assume I should, but it's hard. Especially after I had that bleed early on - that freaked me out big time.

So me telling you not to stress is a bit hypocritcal when I should be saying that to myself more than anyone. All I can say is that you are not alone and many many pregnancies end up in miscarriage. They happen for all sorts of reasons and most of the time it isn't your fault.

If you are worried that your running is risky talk to your doctor. They say that as long as you keep up your exercise that you've been doing already this is fine. But on the flip side you also hear doctors saying that your heart rate and blood pressure is important to keep steady, and when you are exercising you should still be able to hold a conversation with someone.

Good luck and stress less! Worrying about our babies is natural - we're mothers.

#9 kez71

Posted 03 January 2013 - 07:18 PM

Congrats on your new pregnancy!!

Ive had 3 mc's in a row and am currently 26 weeks pregnant with hopefully our first baby. For myself what helped was to accept that I would worry. How can you not after experiencing losses. Even now at 6 months I still dread seeing the toilet paper incase its red. I still worry about moving too much, or pushing too much when doing number 2's, I worry when DH and I do the deed. I worry when i have a cramp. but i accept it as inevitable and i believe it takes off a lot of the stress. Let the worry happen and to be honest, its one less thing to worry about. strange as that may sound.
I hope that helps. Chances are this pregnancy will continue and you'll have a lovely baby soon!

#10 Mousky

Posted 03 January 2013 - 07:33 PM

I'm sorry op,  but I never did. I'm 39 weeks after 3 mc in a row and worried about everything. In fact the only time I didn't worry was when I had such bad morning sickness I was told to go to hospital (I didn't as hospital is where I always ended up after mc). I'm now overly paranoid about stillbirth and am so stressed that I'm not showing any signs of labour. My stress has made this pregnancy horrible, so much so that I don't think I'll go back for more.

I really hope you don't stress as much as me. I regret not going to counselling, it might be worth a try if you are.

#11 Wildence

Posted 03 January 2013 - 09:52 PM

Hi OP

i am almost 30 weeks pregnant now, and i just take one day a at a time.
I worry and stress, and i think this is normal. once your baby is born, you will be back to worrying and stressing about other things. this is how life is.
some people suggested to do an early scan, yep, you should go for it. I had mine just after 6 weeks, and we saw a HB. i would recommend doing the same scan but probably after 8 weeks, as 6 might be too early.
you could also ask your DR to test hcg levels and monitor them for a couple of weeks.

dont forget that with every week, you have less chances to miscarry.

Congratulations! 2013 must be your year!

#12 .MrsM.

Posted 04 January 2013 - 06:47 AM

congratulations on your pregnancy.

im very sorry for your loss though. i really do understand, i got pregnant with this baby straight after a miscarriage. logically i knew that there was nothing i could do to stop it from happening again, that it was a very day by day thing, but that doesn't make the paranoia go away.
i didn't connect well with the pregnancy until the 12wk scan was done and all looked good. it made the first trimester not enjoyable. then you start worrying that something will be wrong with bub when its born...

good luck with your pregnancy xxx

#13 purple_daisy

Posted 04 January 2013 - 01:42 PM

Congrats OP!

I empathise completely with your fears. I was so happy to see your post because I've been struggling too - as a person who lost a child at 23 weeks last time I find it very hard and not helpful when people tell you that the risk is so low after 8 weeks etc.

If it helps at all, I think your reaction is quite normal and common. I am 19+ weeks and still check the toilet paper every time for pink sad.gif

Maybe it is worth getting some counselling since your fears are on the quite extreme side and you sound like you are doing it really tough. I spoke to a counsellor after my DD was born and while it didn't help heaps, it did take the edge off my feelings that I had somehow contributed to the loss - while I think the nerves will always be there to some extent, it couldn't hurt to try talking to someone?

Good luck!

#14 Nervy

Posted 04 January 2013 - 02:50 PM

Hi OP & congrats!

I was the same with my pregnancy with DS who is now 2.5 and the same with this pregnancy too. Can i say that with both pregnancies i had scans at 7 weeks +, 10 weeks , 12.5w and 15weeks, and it has helped SO MUCH. I would do the same IF there are any more pregnancies for me. I would get to one scan, be relieved and only wait a short time until my next one. I could no way wait from BFP to the 12 week scan, i would have gone mental with worry! That worked for me. Good luck, i know exactley how you feel x

#15 ausbokkie

Posted 05 January 2013 - 08:42 AM

I'm sorry for what you have been through. I have been there twice and was, understandably, very nervy through the first trimester of this pregnancy (actually still am in 2nd trimester).

I think the thing that helped me was that knowing that it is out of my control and knowing that my body will know what to do. Yes, there is always the possibility of having another one, but it is not something I can control. I have coped in the past and even though I don't want it to happen again, I would cope again if it did.

When I had panicky episodes, I found that having a mantra/affirmation to say to myself really helped - e.g. My body is nurturing this baby - I said something like this while breathing deeply, always the same thing. Search iTunes for pregnancy meditation/affirmations. I downloaded some to my ipod so I could always have it with me - there are also some free podcasts which are quite good, you just need to find one which you like and find comforting.

When I did have some bleeding, unfortunately Western medicine's response is usually that they can't stop anything happening. I turned to Chinese Medicine and had acupuncture. Whether this was the thing that stopped the bleeding or not I'm not entirely sure, but I liked the feeling that I was being proactive and it did help me to relax which probably helped.

Do what feels right for you in terms of exercise as everyone is different. You may feel that you need to go easy now, then later on in your pregnancy you might be able to start a bit more.

Good luck and the very best of wishes for you.

#16 Nut

Posted 05 January 2013 - 09:32 PM

I miscarried repeatedly over nearly three years. 12 times was the official count with a few others thrown in (fizzled before 5 weeks, were not on doctors records).

I totally get the fear.

There is one piece of advice I will give you. There is nothing you can do that will cause you to miscarry. Other than car accidents and things like that. There are times in pregnancy when a doctor will advise against sex, exercise and the like but that's usually if you're experiencing bleeding and other such potential complications.

Nothing you do in every day life will cause you to miscarry. If it happens, it will happen regardless. Stress is not great for you but at the end of the day that is not the easiest thing to control.

Fact is, you really do not know what is going to happen. The only way for that to be known is for time to pass and show you. I totally know what it's like. Every pregnancy I had I had little hurdles. How many blood tests would my HCG double before it fell. Would I get to an ultrasound? Would there be a heartbeat? Every hurdle I got through I thought "what if I lose it now?". When I saw a heartbeat with my son I was worse than ever because after going through so much the idea of losing him was... Not something I can describe. And I had bleeding twice with him too.

There is no need to stop having sex or running or just doing what you do from day to day. But if those things worry you, don't do them. Just do what you feel comfortable with. See your GP and organise to have an early scan done at about 7 weeks to see if the pregnancy is viable if you think that will help you.

Take it one day at a time. That is all you can do at the end of the day.

#17 hanz33

Posted 06 January 2013 - 07:31 AM

Thanks everyone for your comments. I'm just trying to take it day by day but I took a pregnancy test again that says how many weeks you are pregnant and it was lower than I expected. I got a bit upset and the hardest thing is my husband thinking I am over reacting and not giving me support but rather making me feel like an idiot. sad.gif Talk about extra lonely now :/

#18 ausbokkie

Posted 06 January 2013 - 08:29 AM

I know how you feel OP. It does begin to feel like no one understands but it's very different for you because it's your body. As hard as it is, try not to do any self-diagnosing, especially with pregnancy tests as they are not very accurate. I think after a loss it's fair enough to want to know how your hcg is increasing. Find an understanding gp/ob who will do at least 2 quantitative hcg tests at least 2 days apart to see how it is increasing. This is the only way to tell what's happening. Stay positive! Fingers crossed for you.

#19 Nut

Posted 06 January 2013 - 04:25 PM

Those tests are not quantitative. Don't do them. You will just make yourself feel worse if you do. HCG is such a varied thing and those tests only do so much. I have never been a fan of them.

If you feel the need, get a couple of blood tests done by your GP and see if your HCG is going up. It's the only way at this stage to get a better idea of what is happening, but it may also not make you feel any better.





#20 Koobie83

Posted 06 January 2013 - 04:38 PM

Hanz33 - I know what you mean. My husband doesn't really get it either when I'm stressing about something. He makes me feel like an idiot too, or paranoid. It's hard for them to understand because it's not happening to them - with my husband he would not cope with pregnancy given the way he carries on about having a cold!
I wouldn't rely on those tests. I never did one and just took the regular ones - 8 times! The Hcg levels are different for everyone and depending on how much water you have had or what time you took the test the result can vary.
Keep us updated! The EB forum has helped ease my anxieties any times !

Edited by Koobie83, 06 January 2013 - 04:41 PM.


#21 hanz33

Posted 06 January 2013 - 07:40 PM

QUOTE (Koobie83 @ 06/01/2013, 04:38 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Hanz33 - I know what you mean. My husband doesn't really get it either when I'm stressing about something. He makes me feel like an idiot too, or paranoid. It's hard for them to understand because it's not happening to them - with my husband he would not cope with pregnancy given the way he carries on about having a cold!
I wouldn't rely on those tests. I never did one and just took the regular ones - 8 times! The Hcg levels are different for everyone and depending on how much water you have had or what time you took the test the result can vary.
Keep us updated! The EB forum has helped ease my anxieties any times !


Thanks Koobie original.gif Its good to here that my husband is just being a male and not out of the ordinary.

I think I have taken around 8 normal preg tests as well. lol but I still feel pregnant so I'm taking that as a good sign and my hunger levels are out of this world. I am so ashamed the amount of food I am eating at the moment! and I try stop myself but about 30 minutes after food im starving again. Doesn't make any sense!

I love this forum to bits I think it is keeping me sane original.gif






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