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Can't compose myself since loss of pet


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#1 Three Of Hearts

Posted 03 January 2013 - 01:30 PM

A couple of days ago we lost a pet (not dead, actually lost).  My heart is broken.  I cannot compose myself.  I randomly burst into tears every 5 minutes.

I blame myself for trusting her not to run away.  I blame my pet for not loving us enough to not run away.

My heart breaks every time I see my husband jump on his bike once again to go searching.  It also breaks my heart when I hear my DH say he'd happily pay a $1000 reward to get her back.  Because dollar wise, she wasn't worth anywhere near that.  Value wise, she was irreplaceable.

I look at pictures of her on my phone, I call out her name, and each time my heart breaks a little more.

I look out the window every 2 minutes to see if she's returned.  I jump every time the phone rings just hoping that someone has found her.  I check Facebook every 2 minutes to see if I have a message.  I watch the cars drive past our house and hope that one is stopping to drop her back off to us.  And nothing.  

Not knowing what happened to her is the worst.  I think if I'd found her dead we could grieve her.  But not knowing if she's alive, someone has her and isn't handing her back, or if she has infact not made it is so so hard on both me and DH.

And I know people are trying to say the right things, but telling me that 'I'll get over her and get another one in no time' is not what I need to hear right now.  To me she could never be replaced.

I hope this pain gets easier with time  cry1.gif  Having not been able to have Children so far our pets have been our lives.  And it is like a family member has gone.



#2 gabbigirl

Posted 03 January 2013 - 01:36 PM

Sorry to hear that, they are like family, our pets.  Did she get spooked by the fireworks?

#3 Feral*Spikey*

Posted 03 January 2013 - 01:37 PM

Allie, have you checked with the local pounds, vets and rescue places?

You don't mention what kind of pet it was, or where you are, but if you do, we can point you to some contacts, and perhaps some of your locals can also spread the word on FB. Pictures would help in finding missing pets (and yes, EB has found lost pets before).

#4 Three Of Hearts

Posted 03 January 2013 - 01:42 PM

QUOTE (gabbigirl @ 03/01/2013, 02:36 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Sorry to hear that, they are like family, our pets.  Did she get spooked by the fireworks?

We call ourselves mum and dad and all our pets Children.  Some people might find it sad, but to us they are our family  sad.gif  And no it wasn't the fireworks, she just took off.

QUOTE (*Spikey* @ 03/01/2013, 02:37 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Allie, have you checked with the local pounds, vets and rescue places?

You don't mention what kind of pet it was, or where you are, but if you do, we can point you to some contacts, and perhaps some of your locals can also spread the word on FB. Pictures would help in finding missing pets (and yes, EB has found lost pets before).

No I didn't mention the type of pet because (and this might sound strange) I don't want people to work out who I am on here!  I live in a small town.  Everyone knows she is missing.  We've searched everything local, the local wildlife groups know she is gone.  Every facebook group I can think of has her lost poster and all my friends have shared it too.  I just wanted to write that all down because I am so heartbroken I needed to get it out.  I find it hard to speak words at the moment and cannot get much of a sentience out.  At least writing it down I managed to get it all out.

#5 FiveAus

Posted 03 January 2013 - 01:46 PM

Contact the local radio station and have them run announcements in their community section. Door knock, put up posters in your area and near neighbourhoods, ask the local kids to keep an eye out, check vets, pounds, advertise in the local papers. Where there's no body, there's hope.



#6 Wishing2011

Posted 03 January 2013 - 01:48 PM

QUOTE
We call ourselves mum and dad and all our pets Children. Some people might find it sad, but to us they are our family
we are the same and I can't imagine losing my boy. I check our gate numerous times every morning before I leave because I worry it will randomly open (bit of OCD there)... I hope you find your precious pet safely. Is it microchipped assuming it is a dog or cat... hheart.gif

#7 lamarque

Posted 03 January 2013 - 01:50 PM

I've been there Allie_D.  sad.gif

We did a letterbox drop, registered her with Pet Search (who were fabulous - contacting us every time a lookalike popped up at a pound).  All to no avail unfortunately.

We had a neighbour tell us a few weeks later they had a late night knock on the door asking if they owned a cat so we presume she was hit.  We couldn't understand why they wouldn't just read her tag as it had our address on it - so that always gave us a glimmer of hope.

Keep your hopes up you never know your luck.

#8 soufgirl

Posted 03 January 2013 - 01:55 PM

The not knowing is really terrible. A few years ago our family dog ran away and was lost for a few days before being taken to a local vet's by the family who found him. In those days when we did not know where he was we were all inconsolable and could not stop imagining what might have happened to him. I hope you find your pet soon.

#9 andieinvic

Posted 03 January 2013 - 01:59 PM

I'm so sorry and really hope your girl is found and home soon.

#10 Bwok~Bwok

Posted 03 January 2013 - 01:59 PM

..

Edited by Bwok~Bwok, 03 January 2013 - 02:26 PM.


#11 k10

Posted 03 January 2013 - 02:12 PM

hugs to you.  Our furbaby (we are also 'Mum & Dad' to him) went missing for 4 nights a couple of years ago.  He is never out at night and we'd moved a few months before.  I thought he was gone for good and I was totally heartbroken.  He did come home looking spooked and thinner.  It was like a miracle to me.  He's 11 and was our only 'baby' for 7 years.  Furbabies leave footprints on our hearts that stay forever.

#12 bambiigrrl

Posted 03 January 2013 - 02:30 PM

while i cant give any advice if your pet is a dog, i can offer some ideas if its a cat. I have always owned cats and have had them go missing before, once my cat went missing for a week, sometimes it was just 3 or 4 days, but they usually come back. Sometimes they go walkabout and get accidently locked in someones garage or shed, also can happen alot over the holiday period, maybe your pet was snooping in someones garage right before they locked it and went on holidays! You may find ur baby comes home to you evntually, probaly a bit worse for wear, but home. I really really hope this is the case for you! dont lose hope just yet!

#13 FeralRebelWClaws

Posted 03 January 2013 - 02:35 PM

I'm so sorry... I can imagine that I would be exactly the same. Just the thought makes me get teary.

*hugs* I hope your pet turns up very soon.

#14 je m'en vais

Posted 03 January 2013 - 03:39 PM

I would be exactly the same as you. Exactly. I really hope you find your furbaby soon. PM me if there's anything l can do.

#15 Guest_~Karla~_*

Posted 03 January 2013 - 03:41 PM

I'm sorry. sad.gif

One of my cats got spooked years ago when we had the pest control guy out and took off. She went into the stormwater drains and came out in another estate, then it rained and so she couldn't follow her scent home. It took 10 days of door knocking, posters, offering rewards, driving around at night, checking the council and RSPCA websites obsessively, combing the creek and bush land for her body etc but someone eventually called and said he'd seen her in his yard that morning. I threw the kids in the car and drove straight over and walked up and down the street calling her and rattling her food bowl. She popped out of the drain and ran straight into my arms. wub.gif She was very skinny and scared and an absolute mess and slept for days once home, but she was (and still is!) ok. I hope you get a good ending like that too.

#16 BetteBoop

Posted 03 January 2013 - 03:49 PM

QUOTE (Allie_D @ 03/01/2013, 01:30 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I blame myself for trusting her not to run away.  I blame my pet for not loving us enough to not run away.

And I know people are trying to say the right things, but telling me that 'I'll get over her and get another one in no time' is not what I need to hear right now.  To me she could never be replaced.


I'm glad you can see people are only trying to help but it's still a stupid thing to say. The love you develop for an animal is specific to that animal.

A loved pet isn't like a toaster. You don't just go out and replace it with another one.

And I would say something scared her. Any dog will run if they get scared enough. I'm sure it has nothing to do with how loved she feels or how attached she is to you.

I hope she comes home soon.

#17 mummahh

Posted 03 January 2013 - 03:55 PM

If its a cat, you may very likely see your pet again. I have had two go missing and come home perfectly safe. One was missing for 2 weeks.

If its a bird (which for some reason I got the idea it might be) then it may not come back but it may find another family. We have found two birds like that over the years.

In any case, I hope you do find out what has happened and I am sure your pet loves you very much.

#18 ~She~

Posted 03 January 2013 - 04:00 PM

bbighug.gif OP. I hope that your loved one will return to you soon.

#19 Three Of Hearts

Posted 03 January 2013 - 08:21 PM

Thanks for the support everyone. I just feel so sad  cry1.gif

#20 Feral_Pooks

Posted 03 January 2013 - 08:35 PM

I'm so sorry Aliie. I had this beautiful rabbit a few years ago, a big male I named Christopher Robin... he lived both indoors and outdoors and I adored him. He grew so strong he could lift the lid off his hutch (it was a big one recommended to me by the breeder!) so I used to pop bricks on top of it at night when I put him out there on a clear night. I was looking for a new hutch that was bigger, and in the meantime he somehow pushed it open overnight, bricks and all, and vanished. I walked up and down the neighborhood, posted signs, called every vet and shelter, you name it. I felt so guilty for not getting a new hutch soooner (I was low income and was really trying hard to save the cash). I think I cried every night for a month. Plus people thought I was crazy because he was "just a rabbit" but he wasn't to me... He had a terrific personality and was very loved. We never found out what became of him but I doubt it was good. Over time I had to forgive myself and realise that I did the best I knew how at the time. I got no further pets because I realized I couldn't afford to do everything right by them, and I'm only now looking at taking on a pet, since then. So at least I learned from it. I also reminded myself that I gave him a really great, loving home for the time he was with us and that he was a bunny with a fortunate life, right up til the end.

I hope you get some answers and find some closure soon. Be gentle with yourself. It is not your fault, you did what you thought was best and sometimes accidents and bad things happen despite those best efforts.

#21 lamarque

Posted 03 January 2013 - 08:40 PM

QUOTE (~Karla~ @ 03/01/2013, 04:41 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I'm sorry. sad.gif

One of my cats got spooked years ago when we had the pest control guy out and took off. She went into the stormwater drains and came out in another estate, then it rained and so she couldn't follow her scent home. It took 10 days of door knocking, posters, offering rewards, driving around at night, checking the council and RSPCA websites obsessively, combing the creek and bush land for her body etc but someone eventually called and said he'd seen her in his yard that morning. I threw the kids in the car and drove straight over and walked up and down the street calling her and rattling her food bowl. She popped out of the drain and ran straight into my arms. wub.gif She was very skinny and scared and an absolute mess and slept for days once home, but she was (and still is!) ok. I hope you get a good ending like that too.

Oh wow, that just played out like a movie scene in my head.  Wonderful ending.   original.gif

#22 Chelli

Posted 03 January 2013 - 08:49 PM

I completely understand where you're coming from. My last dog was a complete houdini and every time she went missing, my heart would just stop. I couldn't sleep, I would take time off work, I couldn't eat, it was like having a child missing. Every time I would dread my phone ringing in case it was bad news, and every time she was found I would just burst into tears with relief. She would take off at the slightest sound of thunder in the distance, she would take off with us standing right next to her. One minute she was fine and playing fetch, the next she would seize an opportunity to run and no amount of calling her back would stop her. She would always look at you with very remorseful eyes when we she was found and would smother you in affection. She loved to be with us, but I think she also loved to do what she wanted and once she decided she was going to leave, then that was it - and nothing we did with fencing, electronic containment systems, bringing her inside every night at dusk would stop her.


I sincerely hope that you find your dog very soon - it is heartbreaking not knowing where they are.

#23 FiveAus

Posted 03 January 2013 - 08:53 PM

We lost our beautiful Burmese girl when we first moved out to our rural property 2 1/2 years ago. She was an indoor cat, and got out with her brother one night. He came back, I never saw her again. We advertised and door knocked and did everything to find her, and to this day I still feel she's alive. I think someone has got themselves a lovely free pet. But I have never gotten over losing her. I check the pound listings daily though.

Last year, one of our beautiful dogs died suddenly at the age of 4. I cried daily for months. Just a few days ago, I was thinking about him and the grief I felt was so overwhelming, I just wanted to stop what I was doing and bawl my eyes out. No, you don't get over them. I don't anyway.
Fortunately all of my friends are very much involved in the dog world, the same as me, and no one was heartless enough to tell me to get over it.

#24 Guest_Sunnycat_*

Posted 03 January 2013 - 08:55 PM

Oh Ali sad.gif I'm so sorry, it's heart breaking. One of my cats went missing for 2days last year and DH and I were beside ourselves, I felt like I failed.

I pray that your beloved, precious fur family member is returned to you soon.




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