Jump to content

Can't compose myself since loss of pet


  • Please log in to reply
23 replies to this topic

#1 Three Of Hearts

Posted 03 January 2013 - 01:30 PM

A couple of days ago we lost a pet (not dead, actually lost).  My heart is broken.  I cannot compose myself.  I randomly burst into tears every 5 minutes.

I blame myself for trusting her not to run away.  I blame my pet for not loving us enough to not run away.

My heart breaks every time I see my husband jump on his bike once again to go searching.  It also breaks my heart when I hear my DH say he'd happily pay a $1000 reward to get her back.  Because dollar wise, she wasn't worth anywhere near that.  Value wise, she was irreplaceable.

I look at pictures of her on my phone, I call out her name, and each time my heart breaks a little more.

I look out the window every 2 minutes to see if she's returned.  I jump every time the phone rings just hoping that someone has found her.  I check Facebook every 2 minutes to see if I have a message.  I watch the cars drive past our house and hope that one is stopping to drop her back off to us.  And nothing.  

Not knowing what happened to her is the worst.  I think if I'd found her dead we could grieve her.  But not knowing if she's alive, someone has her and isn't handing her back, or if she has infact not made it is so so hard on both me and DH.

And I know people are trying to say the right things, but telling me that 'I'll get over her and get another one in no time' is not what I need to hear right now.  To me she could never be replaced.

I hope this pain gets easier with time  cry1.gif  Having not been able to have Children so far our pets have been our lives.  And it is like a family member has gone.



#2 gabbigirl

Posted 03 January 2013 - 01:36 PM

Sorry to hear that, they are like family, our pets.  Did she get spooked by the fireworks?

#3 Feral*Spikey*

Posted 03 January 2013 - 01:37 PM

Allie, have you checked with the local pounds, vets and rescue places?

You don't mention what kind of pet it was, or where you are, but if you do, we can point you to some contacts, and perhaps some of your locals can also spread the word on FB. Pictures would help in finding missing pets (and yes, EB has found lost pets before).

#4 Three Of Hearts

Posted 03 January 2013 - 01:42 PM

QUOTE (gabbigirl @ 03/01/2013, 02:36 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Sorry to hear that, they are like family, our pets.  Did she get spooked by the fireworks?

We call ourselves mum and dad and all our pets Children.  Some people might find it sad, but to us they are our family  sad.gif  And no it wasn't the fireworks, she just took off.

QUOTE (*Spikey* @ 03/01/2013, 02:37 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Allie, have you checked with the local pounds, vets and rescue places?

You don't mention what kind of pet it was, or where you are, but if you do, we can point you to some contacts, and perhaps some of your locals can also spread the word on FB. Pictures would help in finding missing pets (and yes, EB has found lost pets before).

No I didn't mention the type of pet because (and this might sound strange) I don't want people to work out who I am on here!  I live in a small town.  Everyone knows she is missing.  We've searched everything local, the local wildlife groups know she is gone.  Every facebook group I can think of has her lost poster and all my friends have shared it too.  I just wanted to write that all down because I am so heartbroken I needed to get it out.  I find it hard to speak words at the moment and cannot get much of a sentience out.  At least writing it down I managed to get it all out.

#5 FiveAus

Posted 03 January 2013 - 01:46 PM

Contact the local radio station and have them run announcements in their community section. Door knock, put up posters in your area and near neighbourhoods, ask the local kids to keep an eye out, check vets, pounds, advertise in the local papers. Where there's no body, there's hope.



#6 Wishing2011

Posted 03 January 2013 - 01:48 PM

QUOTE
We call ourselves mum and dad and all our pets Children. Some people might find it sad, but to us they are our family
we are the same and I can't imagine losing my boy. I check our gate numerous times every morning before I leave because I worry it will randomly open (bit of OCD there)... I hope you find your precious pet safely. Is it microchipped assuming it is a dog or cat... hheart.gif

#7 lamarque

Posted 03 January 2013 - 01:50 PM

I've been there Allie_D.  sad.gif

We did a letterbox drop, registered her with Pet Search (who were fabulous - contacting us every time a lookalike popped up at a pound).  All to no avail unfortunately.

We had a neighbour tell us a few weeks later they had a late night knock on the door asking if they owned a cat so we presume she was hit.  We couldn't understand why they wouldn't just read her tag as it had our address on it - so that always gave us a glimmer of hope.

Keep your hopes up you never know your luck.

#8 soufgirl

Posted 03 January 2013 - 01:55 PM

The not knowing is really terrible. A few years ago our family dog ran away and was lost for a few days before being taken to a local vet's by the family who found him. In those days when we did not know where he was we were all inconsolable and could not stop imagining what might have happened to him. I hope you find your pet soon.

#9 andieinvic

Posted 03 January 2013 - 01:59 PM

I'm so sorry and really hope your girl is found and home soon.

#10 Bwok~Bwok

Posted 03 January 2013 - 01:59 PM

..

Edited by Bwok~Bwok, 03 January 2013 - 02:26 PM.


#11 k10

Posted 03 January 2013 - 02:12 PM

hugs to you.  Our furbaby (we are also 'Mum & Dad' to him) went missing for 4 nights a couple of years ago.  He is never out at night and we'd moved a few months before.  I thought he was gone for good and I was totally heartbroken.  He did come home looking spooked and thinner.  It was like a miracle to me.  He's 11 and was our only 'baby' for 7 years.  Furbabies leave footprints on our hearts that stay forever.

#12 bambiigrrl

Posted 03 January 2013 - 02:30 PM

while i cant give any advice if your pet is a dog, i can offer some ideas if its a cat. I have always owned cats and have had them go missing before, once my cat went missing for a week, sometimes it was just 3 or 4 days, but they usually come back. Sometimes they go walkabout and get accidently locked in someones garage or shed, also can happen alot over the holiday period, maybe your pet was snooping in someones garage right before they locked it and went on holidays! You may find ur baby comes home to you evntually, probaly a bit worse for wear, but home. I really really hope this is the case for you! dont lose hope just yet!

#13 FeralRebelWClaws

Posted 03 January 2013 - 02:35 PM

I'm so sorry... I can imagine that I would be exactly the same. Just the thought makes me get teary.

*hugs* I hope your pet turns up very soon.

#14 je m'en vais

Posted 03 January 2013 - 03:39 PM

I would be exactly the same as you. Exactly. I really hope you find your furbaby soon. PM me if there's anything l can do.

#15 Guest_~Karla~_*

Posted 03 January 2013 - 03:41 PM

I'm sorry. sad.gif

One of my cats got spooked years ago when we had the pest control guy out and took off. She went into the stormwater drains and came out in another estate, then it rained and so she couldn't follow her scent home. It took 10 days of door knocking, posters, offering rewards, driving around at night, checking the council and RSPCA websites obsessively, combing the creek and bush land for her body etc but someone eventually called and said he'd seen her in his yard that morning. I threw the kids in the car and drove straight over and walked up and down the street calling her and rattling her food bowl. She popped out of the drain and ran straight into my arms. wub.gif She was very skinny and scared and an absolute mess and slept for days once home, but she was (and still is!) ok. I hope you get a good ending like that too.

#16 BetteBoop

Posted 03 January 2013 - 03:49 PM

QUOTE (Allie_D @ 03/01/2013, 01:30 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I blame myself for trusting her not to run away.  I blame my pet for not loving us enough to not run away.

And I know people are trying to say the right things, but telling me that 'I'll get over her and get another one in no time' is not what I need to hear right now.  To me she could never be replaced.


I'm glad you can see people are only trying to help but it's still a stupid thing to say. The love you develop for an animal is specific to that animal.

A loved pet isn't like a toaster. You don't just go out and replace it with another one.

And I would say something scared her. Any dog will run if they get scared enough. I'm sure it has nothing to do with how loved she feels or how attached she is to you.

I hope she comes home soon.

#17 mummahh

Posted 03 January 2013 - 03:55 PM

If its a cat, you may very likely see your pet again. I have had two go missing and come home perfectly safe. One was missing for 2 weeks.

If its a bird (which for some reason I got the idea it might be) then it may not come back but it may find another family. We have found two birds like that over the years.

In any case, I hope you do find out what has happened and I am sure your pet loves you very much.

#18 ~She~

Posted 03 January 2013 - 04:00 PM

bbighug.gif OP. I hope that your loved one will return to you soon.

#19 Three Of Hearts

Posted 03 January 2013 - 08:21 PM

Thanks for the support everyone. I just feel so sad  cry1.gif

#20 Feral_Pooks

Posted 03 January 2013 - 08:35 PM

I'm so sorry Aliie. I had this beautiful rabbit a few years ago, a big male I named Christopher Robin... he lived both indoors and outdoors and I adored him. He grew so strong he could lift the lid off his hutch (it was a big one recommended to me by the breeder!) so I used to pop bricks on top of it at night when I put him out there on a clear night. I was looking for a new hutch that was bigger, and in the meantime he somehow pushed it open overnight, bricks and all, and vanished. I walked up and down the neighborhood, posted signs, called every vet and shelter, you name it. I felt so guilty for not getting a new hutch soooner (I was low income and was really trying hard to save the cash). I think I cried every night for a month. Plus people thought I was crazy because he was "just a rabbit" but he wasn't to me... He had a terrific personality and was very loved. We never found out what became of him but I doubt it was good. Over time I had to forgive myself and realise that I did the best I knew how at the time. I got no further pets because I realized I couldn't afford to do everything right by them, and I'm only now looking at taking on a pet, since then. So at least I learned from it. I also reminded myself that I gave him a really great, loving home for the time he was with us and that he was a bunny with a fortunate life, right up til the end.

I hope you get some answers and find some closure soon. Be gentle with yourself. It is not your fault, you did what you thought was best and sometimes accidents and bad things happen despite those best efforts.

#21 lamarque

Posted 03 January 2013 - 08:40 PM

QUOTE (~Karla~ @ 03/01/2013, 04:41 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I'm sorry. sad.gif

One of my cats got spooked years ago when we had the pest control guy out and took off. She went into the stormwater drains and came out in another estate, then it rained and so she couldn't follow her scent home. It took 10 days of door knocking, posters, offering rewards, driving around at night, checking the council and RSPCA websites obsessively, combing the creek and bush land for her body etc but someone eventually called and said he'd seen her in his yard that morning. I threw the kids in the car and drove straight over and walked up and down the street calling her and rattling her food bowl. She popped out of the drain and ran straight into my arms. wub.gif She was very skinny and scared and an absolute mess and slept for days once home, but she was (and still is!) ok. I hope you get a good ending like that too.

Oh wow, that just played out like a movie scene in my head.  Wonderful ending.   original.gif

#22 Chelli

Posted 03 January 2013 - 08:49 PM

I completely understand where you're coming from. My last dog was a complete houdini and every time she went missing, my heart would just stop. I couldn't sleep, I would take time off work, I couldn't eat, it was like having a child missing. Every time I would dread my phone ringing in case it was bad news, and every time she was found I would just burst into tears with relief. She would take off at the slightest sound of thunder in the distance, she would take off with us standing right next to her. One minute she was fine and playing fetch, the next she would seize an opportunity to run and no amount of calling her back would stop her. She would always look at you with very remorseful eyes when we she was found and would smother you in affection. She loved to be with us, but I think she also loved to do what she wanted and once she decided she was going to leave, then that was it - and nothing we did with fencing, electronic containment systems, bringing her inside every night at dusk would stop her.


I sincerely hope that you find your dog very soon - it is heartbreaking not knowing where they are.

#23 FiveAus

Posted 03 January 2013 - 08:53 PM

We lost our beautiful Burmese girl when we first moved out to our rural property 2 1/2 years ago. She was an indoor cat, and got out with her brother one night. He came back, I never saw her again. We advertised and door knocked and did everything to find her, and to this day I still feel she's alive. I think someone has got themselves a lovely free pet. But I have never gotten over losing her. I check the pound listings daily though.

Last year, one of our beautiful dogs died suddenly at the age of 4. I cried daily for months. Just a few days ago, I was thinking about him and the grief I felt was so overwhelming, I just wanted to stop what I was doing and bawl my eyes out. No, you don't get over them. I don't anyway.
Fortunately all of my friends are very much involved in the dog world, the same as me, and no one was heartless enough to tell me to get over it.

#24 Guest_Sunnycat_*

Posted 03 January 2013 - 08:55 PM

Oh Ali sad.gif I'm so sorry, it's heart breaking. One of my cats went missing for 2days last year and DH and I were beside ourselves, I felt like I failed.

I pray that your beloved, precious fur family member is returned to you soon.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Abbott's childcare changes will 'reduce access and add complexity'

The government's childcare assistance package threatens to confuse and intimidate many parents, experts say.

Be careful what you wish for

Remember that chubby little baby who rocked on all fours? Remember how you wished he would start to crawl? Then remember how you felt once he did?

William Tyrrell's parents plead for information as anniversary looms

As the one-year anniversary of William Tyrrell's disappearance draws near, the missing four-year-old's parents have again pleaded with the public for information that could help bring their son home.

Family sleepovers: a tribute to my 1970s childhood

My memories of those nights in my childhood are all about fun: sleepover excitement, staying up late, watching movies we probably weren't supposed to watch ... freedom.

43 minutes of terror: family's agonising wait for ambulance for toddler

It was terrifying. As the minutes ticked by little Cooper Harrison's parents felt more and more frantic.

What not to say to a new mum

Some phrases just pop out before you really think about them, but there are some things you should try to not say to a new mum.

Mummydesking: the new hotdesking

It is a paradise that only working parents of small children can understand: a place to sit for three hours without any interruptions while someone looks after the kids.

Charlize Theron adopts baby girl

A few months after splitting from Sean Penn, the actress Charlize Theron has adopted a baby girl.

Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg shares painful truth behind wife's pregnancy

Facebook chief executive Mark Zuckerberg has shared a brutally honest truth about pregnancy in the hope it will help others through dark periods.  

Sugary drinks blamed for removal of toddlers' rotten teeth

Children as young as 18 months are having multiple rotten teeth pulled out as parents feed toddlers soft drinks through sipper bottles, and chocolate biscuits and Milo as bedtime treats.

Mum accidentally fake tans baby

Many of us have fallen foul of a bad fake tan or two, but this little guy's started a bit earlier than most.

Does this three-month-old say 'I love you'?

YouTube user Ted Moskalenko was filmed by his wife, Michelle, as his baby son, Ben, engaged in some baby chat.

Kids break out of daycare centre, cross busy highway

Two children broke out of an early childhood centre and wandered across a four-lane road.

Why I'm glad to be an indulgent granny

The phone calls started a couple of weeks ago. At about 5.30 each evening - if I am lucky - I will be greeted by a sweet, excited voice declaring: "'Allo Annie".

Newborn found in toilet at German airport

A newborn baby found abandoned and extremely ill in a bathroom in the Munich airport is doing well.

Is this the worst relationship advice ever published?

You sometimes have to wonder whether relationship/sex advice from magazines is designed to help or humiliate.

How you talk to your baby now can impact social skills later

People used to think that social skills were something kids were born with, not taught.

Three truths about C-section mums

Lately I've been thinking about the caesarean stories and the brave women who birth their children with strength and beauty.

Scientists predict when you should start a family

Scientists have calculated at exactly what age you need to start trying to get pregnant to have the best chance of realising your dream. 

Differently abled child

When 'protecting' a child is really a cover for judgement

Why are people so concerned for this happy child and his mother?

Get your FREE Baby & Toddler Show ticket!

Get your free ticket to the Sydney Essential Baby & Toddler Show for September 25-27 - register online now.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

When toddlers have strange obsessions

When it comes to two-year-olds and birthday cakes there are a few requests that are usually at the top of the list. But a cake featuring a local personal injury lawyer?

When Mama Bear strikes

When we become mums, our instinct to protect our children and keep them safe from harm is so strong we're often likened to a Mama Bear protecting her cubs.  

Immunity boosters for kids

There are no guaranteed ways to avoid the dreaded winter illnesses completely, but there are ways we can boost our children's immunity.

Yes, you can get pregnant before your period returns post-baby

After giving birth, the last thing you want to think about is contraception. But you can get pregnant before your period comes back.

Mum shares portrait of her proudly breastfeeding three-year-old

Jade Beall usually chooses to breastfeed her son, now 3, in private. This week, however, she shared portraits of her breastfeeding her preschooler.

Dealing with a toddler's morning tantrums

Your schedule is not important to your two-year-old, and you cannot convince her otherwise. So what can you do?

My baby's first seizure

It was 1am on a cold winter's night when I woke suddenly to the screams of my 12-month-old son. Our lives were about to change forever.

MP breastfeeds baby during parliamentary session

An Argentinian mum and politician has caused a stir on social media after being filmed breastfeeding her baby.

Heartbreaking moment mum kisses her one-week-old goodbye

At 11.07am on April 2 this year, Sarah Marriott welcomed baby Sebastian into the world.

The best age to get married (according to the latest study)

Not too young, and not too old. That's reportedly the best age to get married. Not everyone agrees.

Fellow diner rewards mum after toddler's tantrum

Parents of toddlers everywhere know the feeling. After working up the courage to take your child out for lunch or dinner in public you are rewarded with a mid-meal meltdown. 

IVF gender selection being considered for Australian parents

Couples using IVF may be able to choose the gender of their babies and women could be financially compensated for donating their eggs.

The amazing Tee Pee bed and kid-friendly Frankie Bunk bed

These kids' beds definitely fit the brief of providing personality and personal space for little people who are moving up in the world.

The funny things kids say when you're pregnant

Since becoming noticeably pregnant, my son has taken more of an interest in the sibling he'll soon have.

The real problem with having one child

In this age of political correctness, it seems the one subject still subject to discrimination is that of the Only Child.

The fire hazard in more than 70,000 Australian homes

So far, 206 Samsung washing machines have caught fire and some have exploded. But many remain in people's homes.

How having a baby can bring on OCD

We all know that having a baby can turn your life upside down - and it can also bring a raft of new anxieties and worries.

IKEA begins massive safety campaign after two toddler deaths

Two children were killed when pieces from their Malm furniture line tipped over.

Which beauty treatments are safe in pregnancy?

Is it safe to use fake tan, hair dye and nail varnish during pregnancy?

A dad's guide to hyperemesis

I am in no way qualified to advise women on how to cope with hyperemesis, but I've learnt some lessons that might be worth sharing with other partners.

The five ways I know my 'baby' is no longer a baby

The truth is, I can no longer deny that my walking, babbling, somewhat-independent little miss is no longer a bona fide 'baby'.

 

FREE TICKET

See Pinky McKay live in Sydney

Get your free ticket to The Essential Baby & Toddler Show and save $20 - register online now!

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.