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nearly 9yo DS aggro behaviour

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#1 smultron

Posted 03 January 2013 - 08:54 AM

I'm really worried about my DS who will turn 9 years in March.  He is very bright and teachers are saying he may fall into the gifted and talented range as he has been in grade 2 but regularly went into the grade 4/5 class as he wasn't challenged elsewhere.  Anyway, that is one aspect of him- he has a higher understanding of many concepts most children his age don't grasp etc. yet he plays well with his peers and isn't overly socially mature.. he is into most things that boys his age are: nerf guns, Lego, books (he's reading the Harry Potter series just now but will read Zac Powers, Tashi etc in between)

Just recently, we have seen some worrying behavioural changes: he has become quite aggressive towards us - his brothers and my DH and I.  My parents were staying with us over Christmas and he even called them stupid dumb faces and told them to shut up when he was ranting one morning.  It was most apparent on Boxing day so I started to think about the food he'd eaten on Christmas day- soft drinks that he usually doesn't have, lots of chocoate etc.. yet since then, he's behaved in similar way some days when there hasn't been anything unusual about his diet.  I've been giving him porridge most mornings and tried to steer clear of any processed foods but it doesn't seem to have changed things.  He carried on again this morning- "you're a d*ck face mum" "you're such an idiot" this and that is "stupid" You made my toast go cold.. everyone is an idiot.. and so on.  Punctuated with loud noises and screeches..He has become extremely defiant too- no, I'm not doing that, going there etc.. you can't make me, no=one is the boss of me,e tc.

I told him last week that I was going to monitor his behaviour and if there wasn't an improvement then we might have to go and see a doctor about him as it can't continue like this.  Well, he started sobbing and said he didn't want to see a doctor (he even said that I know you mean a psychologist even tho I hadn't mentioned this)  but I just said that we are worried about him and understand that he might not understand himself why he gets so angry and that we weren't cross with him but loved him and wanted to try to sort things out. I also said that we don't expect him to be good all the time (he is always good at school and never have had a bad report of his behaviour anywhere outside the home) as that is impossible and exhausting but I think he does have high expectations of himself and this might be a part of it all..

There is another element: he has a friend whose parents are separated and he lives with his father and two older sisters.  anyway, this father invited my son over one day and I wasn't overly thrilled as the boy is into all sorts of games and talks about killing things etc.. but I let him go and found out the next day that the father had let my son (and his own 8yo) watch the Hunger Games movie.  I was furious as we are really careful about the kinds of things our children watch and told my husband that there were to be no more plays at their house for a while as I cannot believe that a father would allow that- I've seen that film and it really disturbed me and there is a reason it is rated PG 13+.. beside the point but I am wondering whether this alone could have been a trigger for something with my son.. combination of a rush of hormones in his body, impressionable age, hanging out with this boy playing inappropriate and violent made up games and then seeing this film.  

I really feel at my wits end: I am exhausted by this and worried about my son but also how his behaviour is impacting on his two siblings DS 10yo and DS 6yo. They just go quiet when he is ranting and try to keep out of his way.  He sometimes hits his younger brother but so far that is the extent of it although he might brush past me in a rough way in passing when he is aggro.  My Dh and I think we should try to get an appointment with our GP then see if we can get a referral to a child psychologist to see if there is more to it than just his age..

I'd appreciate any advice from anyone who is experiencing similar or who has been through it with a child.  Many thanks x

#2 baddmammajamma

Posted 03 January 2013 - 02:14 PM


Yes, I have dealt with similar behavior from my daughter -- she has a lot of stuff going on (giftedness, ASD, ADHD). It's hard stuff, isn't it?

There is no reason for you to try to muddle through this by yourself and feel overwhelmed in the process. I think your and your husband's inclination to consult a psychologist is a good one -- not necessarily because there is some underlying condition but rather to get some professional guidance on how to help your son build a better toolkit *and* to give you guys strategies for mitigating his challenging behaviors. When things are impacting family life to the degree you've described, it's time to call in some help.

I look at every assessment and every professional consulted as an opportunity to better understand her complicated wiring. Frankly, we would be lost without the expert advice we've been given by good professionals!

Are you in Melbourne? I might be able to get some good recommendations from my twice exceptional network there (I belong to a group for parents of gifted kids who also have special needs and/or learning differences). Your GP can refer you to a psychologist.

In addition to getting some guidance on managing behaviorals, you might want to also think about getting cognitive testing (IQ) done so that you & his teachers have a better idea of whether/not he is gifted (and if so, to what degree) and learn more about his learning style.

Good luck & good for you for wanting to get a handle on things before they get any worse. I imagien this is not an easy time for your son, either, so I feel for him as well!

Edited by baddmammajamma, 03 January 2013 - 02:15 PM.

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