Jump to content
nearly 9yo DS aggro behaviour
1 reply to this topic
Posted 03 January 2013 - 08:54 AM
I'm really worried about my DS who will turn 9 years in March. He is very bright and teachers are saying he may fall into the gifted and talented range as he has been in grade 2 but regularly went into the grade 4/5 class as he wasn't challenged elsewhere. Anyway, that is one aspect of him- he has a higher understanding of many concepts most children his age don't grasp etc. yet he plays well with his peers and isn't overly socially mature.. he is into most things that boys his age are: nerf guns, Lego, books (he's reading the Harry Potter series just now but will read Zac Powers, Tashi etc in between)
Just recently, we have seen some worrying behavioural changes: he has become quite aggressive towards us - his brothers and my DH and I. My parents were staying with us over Christmas and he even called them stupid dumb faces and told them to shut up when he was ranting one morning. It was most apparent on Boxing day so I started to think about the food he'd eaten on Christmas day- soft drinks that he usually doesn't have, lots of chocoate etc.. yet since then, he's behaved in similar way some days when there hasn't been anything unusual about his diet. I've been giving him porridge most mornings and tried to steer clear of any processed foods but it doesn't seem to have changed things. He carried on again this morning- "you're a d*ck face mum" "you're such an idiot" this and that is "stupid" You made my toast go cold.. everyone is an idiot.. and so on. Punctuated with loud noises and screeches..He has become extremely defiant too- no, I'm not doing that, going there etc.. you can't make me, no=one is the boss of me,e tc.
I told him last week that I was going to monitor his behaviour and if there wasn't an improvement then we might have to go and see a doctor about him as it can't continue like this. Well, he started sobbing and said he didn't want to see a doctor (he even said that I know you mean a psychologist even tho I hadn't mentioned this) but I just said that we are worried about him and understand that he might not understand himself why he gets so angry and that we weren't cross with him but loved him and wanted to try to sort things out. I also said that we don't expect him to be good all the time (he is always good at school and never have had a bad report of his behaviour anywhere outside the home) as that is impossible and exhausting but I think he does have high expectations of himself and this might be a part of it all..
There is another element: he has a friend whose parents are separated and he lives with his father and two older sisters. anyway, this father invited my son over one day and I wasn't overly thrilled as the boy is into all sorts of games and talks about killing things etc.. but I let him go and found out the next day that the father had let my son (and his own 8yo) watch the Hunger Games movie. I was furious as we are really careful about the kinds of things our children watch and told my husband that there were to be no more plays at their house for a while as I cannot believe that a father would allow that- I've seen that film and it really disturbed me and there is a reason it is rated PG 13+.. beside the point but I am wondering whether this alone could have been a trigger for something with my son.. combination of a rush of hormones in his body, impressionable age, hanging out with this boy playing inappropriate and violent made up games and then seeing this film.
I really feel at my wits end: I am exhausted by this and worried about my son but also how his behaviour is impacting on his two siblings DS 10yo and DS 6yo. They just go quiet when he is ranting and try to keep out of his way. He sometimes hits his younger brother but so far that is the extent of it although he might brush past me in a rough way in passing when he is aggro. My Dh and I think we should try to get an appointment with our GP then see if we can get a referral to a child psychologist to see if there is more to it than just his age..
I'd appreciate any advice from anyone who is experiencing similar or who has been through it with a child. Many thanks x
Posted 03 January 2013 - 02:14 PM
Yes, I have dealt with similar behavior from my daughter -- she has a lot of stuff going on (giftedness, ASD, ADHD). It's hard stuff, isn't it?
There is no reason for you to try to muddle through this by yourself and feel overwhelmed in the process. I think your and your husband's inclination to consult a psychologist is a good one -- not necessarily because there is some underlying condition but rather to get some professional guidance on how to help your son build a better toolkit *and* to give you guys strategies for mitigating his challenging behaviors. When things are impacting family life to the degree you've described, it's time to call in some help.
I look at every assessment and every professional consulted as an opportunity to better understand her complicated wiring. Frankly, we would be lost without the expert advice we've been given by good professionals!
Are you in Melbourne? I might be able to get some good recommendations from my twice exceptional network there (I belong to a group for parents of gifted kids who also have special needs and/or learning differences). Your GP can refer you to a psychologist.
In addition to getting some guidance on managing behaviorals, you might want to also think about getting cognitive testing (IQ) done so that you & his teachers have a better idea of whether/not he is gifted (and if so, to what degree) and learn more about his learning style.
Good luck & good for you for wanting to get a handle on things before they get any worse. I imagien this is not an easy time for your son, either, so I feel for him as well!
Edited by baddmammajamma, 03 January 2013 - 02:15 PM.
1 user(s) are reading this topic
0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users
Get your free ticket to the Sydney Essential Baby & Toddler Show for September 25-27 - register online now.
To celebrate the release of Love Child Season 2 on DVD from July 9, Essential Baby and Universal Sony Pictures Home Entertainment are giving away Love Child Season 1 & 2 on DVD to 13 lucky winners.
I look back at my pre-baby self and laugh at how ridiculously easy I actually had it. I remember complaining about how tired I was and how little time I had.
Ideas for storing your child's artworks have moved on from sticking them to the fridge door before guiltily dumping them in the bin.
Waleed Aly takes apart the immigration law that's designed to "protect politicians"
In August 2013 star basketball Abby Bishop was 24-years-old and in the prime of her sporting career.
No one warned me that when I gave birth there would be an additional side order of guilt.
Check out these creative upcycling ideas that transform regular Ikea items into something special for your little ones.
For three days, a three-year-old boy had been saying there was "a man with a light" outside his window at night.
The thought of going to the toilet after giving birth is often feared, but there are ways to make it less painful.
An anonymous woman is taking an extreme moral and ethical stand by seeking $1 million in donations to prevent her going ahead with a planned abortion.
"I kind of think about, 'What did I do beforehand? What kept me so busy back then?' Because now I'm really busy."
In playgrounds across Australia, you can hear parents lamenting, "When we have our next baby I swear I won't be doing THAT again".
Desperate, out of petrol and low on food, a new mother lit a fire in the hope of attracting attention.
The story was chilling and heartbreaking: a three-year-old boy was found dead in a Southern Maryland park, his mother pushing him on the swing.
Feeling fatigued? Uh-huh, thought as much. Join the queue.
For many new dads, their own child is the first baby they have ever held. So one dad has posted an instructive YouTube video titled "How to Hold a Baby".
She may be only eight months old, but Egypt has already amassed more than 100,000 fans and received a letter from royalty - Hollywood royalty that is.
Tongue and lip tie can lead to many problems for babies - and their parents. Here are the signs of tongue tie and how it's treated.
My daughter may be small, but it's my job as her parent to refocus back where it belongs - on who she is as a person
The government has issued a health warning after a rise in allergic skin reactions has been linked to a preservative found in some wet wipes.
Top 5 Articles
Ultrasounds give you a look at your growing baby ... and sometimes what appears to their womb-buddy, or your bub in an amusing position.
A picture of Ryan Reynolds always gets the girls talking, and a recently shared photo has done exactly that - but this time, it's for all the wrong reasons.
Thinking her baby just had an unusually shaped head, a mother was shocked to discover it was instead linked to a dangerous condition.
Transparency, accountability and responsibilityare essential measures to protect IVF vulnerable patients.
The happily ever after Nicola Milan had imagined wasn't to be – and she blames her mother-in-law.
It's been a whole year since sleeping in until 10am. A whole year since having a peaceful shower.
Over a 10-year period, 83 children died from domestic violence abuse in NSW, with three quarters of the victims aged five years or under, the NSW Ombudsman has revealed.
From the moment that I fell pregnant with my son, I realised just how much my life had already started to change.
"I was terrified I would always be this way. The pill needs to come with a much higher warning."
Unfortunately, the belief that sex should always be spontaneous is a myth. It just isn't.
When it comes to newborn photoshoots, it is all about the timing.
Dr Katie Heathershaw answers questions about jumping, toe walking, riding a bike and being pigeon toed.
Having lost their firstborn at one day old, the Carrolls were overjoyed to welcome their daughter Isobel into the world a year later.
One American father has taken multitasking to a new level at a Cubs-Dodgers baseball game at Wrigley Field.
Choosing a name for your little bundle of joy is always a major decision. It can be something traditional, trendy, creative … or inspired by the menu of your favourite chain restaurant.
This day marks a significant day. Today marks 10 years since I lost my son Kai.
My toddler has started hitting when he gets frustrated, is feeling ignored, or just thinks it might be fun.
From 'morning sickness' to 'the terrible twos', there are many parenting terms that are misleading.
While most nannies take pride in their work, there can be some who have a hidden side.
Beware: skinny jeans might be bad for your health.
A number of women having caesarean deliveries are now taking steps to give their baby a better 'microbiome' start in life.
Jimmy Fallon, host of NBC's The Tonight Show, recently wrote a children's book about every father's secret wish for their baby's first word to be "dada" - not "mama".
Looking for some baby name inspiration for a bub born during the colder months? Here are 28 options from around the world to consider.
Get your free ticket to the Sydney Essential Baby & Toddler Show for September 25-27 - register online now.